Random Thoughts On Love
The other day I heard my middle son say to my wife, “Mommy, I love you as fast as an airplane and as high as the moon.”
We should all love that hard.
Photo credit: Originally uploaded to Flickr by Wilson17(newly remarried!)
Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program. He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome. You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.
Please Welcome New Addition to the Dad-O-matic Family: Chris Cuomo
We are proud to announce a new member of the Dad-O-matic team, none other than Good Morning, America’s anchorman, Chris Cuomo! I first ran across Chris on twitter after some very strong recommendations to do so from my wife who said he was a very devoted dad like our guys on here. So I checked out his tweets and sure enough the very first thing I see him sharing is how he and his daughter Bella know all the words to the movie “Finding Nemo”. I then shared a post I had written for Dad-O-matic, ironically enough, about “Finding Nemo” called “Lessons Learned from Finding Nemo”.
Much to my surprise, Chris replied and we began to communicate on Twitter as proud dads and loving husbands. I also learned that there was much more to the reserved anchorman we all see on television. He’s actually a regular guy who enjoys the same things we all do such as fishing, sports (He’s a big Cavs fan) and doing handyman work around the house.
I was thrilled when he told me that he had checked out Dad-O-matic and said he liked what we were doing. Ultimately, I got the crazy idea (and a lot of nerve) to ask Chris if he would ever consider contributing some of his experiences as a dad in a high-profile position with our readers. Once again, he shocked me by agreeing to join our daddy club! We look forward to sharing Chris Cuomo’s sweet and funny stories about his beloved Bella and little Mario.
Here’s a taste of what’s to come. This is the wonderful 
Father’s Day tribute to Chris on GMA in front of a national audience from his children thanks to his wife Cristina who coached them well. Bella and little Mario sure know how to tug at the heart strings! My favorite parts are when Bella says she enjoys her daddy’s company very much and when Mario says his dad is his best friend. I don’t know how Chris managed to maintain such composure. I know I would’ve melted into a great big ball of mush but then again I’m not a big time anchorman. 
If that didn’t get to you, then you must check this out. Here’s Chris on “GMA’s The Hot Seat” where he shares some very open and honest feelings about his children. I have to be honest and admit that it’s a truly touching piece.
The Straight Truth About American Potty Training
The Straight Truth About American Potty Training
Before parents were able to easily acquire disposable diapers in any warehouse store across the country, the vast majority of children in the United States were potty trained prior to blowing to their first birthday.
But that all started to shift in the late 1950s and 1960s when American parents first started to dance with the idea of putting off potty training until after their child’s first year, the idea being that they would take care of potty training their child prior to age two.
At the time, this was a radical philosophy. The new notion was first introduced by a Dr. Brazelton, the good Dr. arguing that children aren’t really ready to be trained until after they are able to walk by themselves. Since children generally don’t start walking until around one to one and a half years old, the entire American potty training paradigm experienced more than a subtle shift.
Though Dr. Brazelton’s philosophy was considered a substantial delay at that time, jumping through five decades now finds the majority of American parents being advised to postpone the potty training of their child until they have the verbal and motor skills more often associated with a 3 year old toddler.
Is this postponement considered progress?
In the meantime, the rest of the world continues to happily potty train their children without the use of readily available disposables – or pressure, undue punishing, or any other form of psychological damage. When you consider that throughout the history of the world children have been trained far earlier than what is now commonplace in the United States, you have to ask yourself, “Are we doing the right thing in this country?”
Here are a few potty training facts to consider:
- The average age for potty training in this country is steadily rising. In the 1940s, the average was 18 months. Today, it has jumped to 35 months for girls and a staggering 39 months for boys.
- Potty training a child early has no effect on the development of their personality, as clearly demonstrated by countless studies.
- Parents can start the process of potty training at any age.
- Teaching a child to use the potty can be as easy as teaching them to manipulate a stack of blocks.
If you would like more information on the potty training in the US vs. the rest of the world, you can download this free report, “The Truth About Potty Training in America.“
Sean Platt is a ghostwriter and dad. Subscribe (for free) to his feed here.
Tweet Your Kids #3
In Tweet Your Kids and Tweet Your Kids #2, I wrote “Ever think ‘I should write that down’ when your child says something funny?”
I use Twitter for that. Here’re some Tweet-worthy comments from my boys.
Seven-year-old Zachary
Zachary the Clown
Zachary to Lucas: “We’ve got to be in bed by 7:30 or else Daddy’s going to get punished!”
Showing Zachary: M. Jackson’s Thriller for 1st time. Zach: “Why are all the monsters dancing?” Momma: “Because they all like the same music”
Mom: “Zachary, wear your windbreaker.” Zach: “How can a jacket break wind?”
“I know why they call it a pen pal. He’s your pal and when you write to him you usually use a pen.”
Easter at the Hages. Zach: “Wow. I can’t believe how good we’ve been!”
Reading “Curious George.” 7yo Zach: “Why do they call him ‘The man with the yellow hat? Why don’t they give him a name like Ralph?’”
Daddy: “Zachary, make a card for Momma.” Zach: “I already made a card and a Shrinky Dink!”
Wrote his name + a message in a new book: “Zachary Hage. No reward if returned.”
RT @CardiacScience The SCAA clock http://budurl.com/DeathSCA just turned 128,000 cardiac deaths YTD. Zach asked me, “Why does God do that?”
Zachary now old enuf to shower. Dad: “Put shampoo in your hair.” Zach: “What?! Put some poop in my hair?!”
“Why are all the signs in Spanish?” during a daytrip in Mexico.
Zachary thought it was “Our Father who Wharton heaven.”
Five-year-old Lucas
"The Dude," Lucas
“Did you know? When girls have on lipstick, the lipstick gets on boys.”
At Father’s Day church: “How come I didn’t get one of those cookie things?”
“Momma, underpants and punderpants rhyme!”
Lukey’s afrd of ghosts 2nite. “Lukey, even if there are ghosts, they can’t touch you.” “Yes they can. There are people inside of them.”
Having trouble with a yo-yo: “Momma, this thing is being uncooperative on me!”
Lucas runs into the bathroom, “Mommy, make sure Daddy doesn’t eat my dinner.”
“The computer’s being really, really rude. It’s not letting me play my video game.”
How to teach a 5yo to blow up a balloon? 5yo Lukey: “I don’t have enough air in me.”
Lukey’s prayers tonight: “Thank you, God, for my most important brother. Thank you, God, for sunshine.”
Lukey to Mom: “I’m drawing a picture of Daddy with his penis on.” To me: “Look, Daddy, there’s your penis.”
Lukey slept without his “monkey light” last night. Dad: “Were you scared?” Lukey: “No. Just a little.”
…
I get a lot of comments from engaged followers. Give it a try.
P.S. You’ve heard a lot about cardiac arrest in light of Michael Jackson’s sudden death. You might not know 7,000 kids in America die from sudden cardiac arrest each year. I donated an AED defibrillator to protect my kids at school. Consider doing the same for yours. Email me for details at joe@joehageonline.com. Thanks.
Other posts from Joe Hage:
Drinking With Your Children
The waiter poured the glass of wine for my son and we raised our glasses to toast… Despite my instinctive fatherly discomfort and concerns, it was a ritual we could not avoid. After all, we were celebrating his 21st birthday…
IT’S MORE THAN I CAN BEER…
Yesterday, my son Zach turned 21. It is nerve wracking enough to have three kids of driving age. Now I also have one kid of drinking and driving age. CORRECTION: There is NO appropriate “drinking and driving age…” I should have said “now I also have one kid of both drinking age and driving age.” Ahh, the antics of semantics… It should be more easy to speak easy about such things…
Speaking of Speakeasy’s, it seems that here in the United States of Puritanical Past and Politically Correct Present, we have had an awkward love/hate relationship with alcohol since the days of Prohibition. Were I raising my kids in Europe, I would likely have been serving a dinner glass of wine to my children when they were far younger than 21, and nobody would bat an eye, including them. Even I, growing up in New York State, was able to legally booze it up at age 18. Now our kids must wait until they are 21, and though I’d be a fool to think they didn’t, especially at college, indulge a bit before becoming of legal age, the official “wait” perhaps creates an artificial desire to binge on their birthday. With that in mind, in the months approaching Zach’s coming of (legal) age, I have repeatedly reminded him (ask him and he will say I perpetually pestered him) of the dangers of binge drinking, and of the many kids who have literally died of alcohol poisoning on their 21st birthdays by partaking in an ill conceived “21 at 21” drinking ritual. I hammered this message home to Zach well beyond the point of being the annoying dad (yeah, I was “that” guy) but I felt it was more important than maintaining my “cool dad” persona. Knowing that Zach would be celebrating with friends after our wine wielding family dinner, I was assured and given complete confidence that Zach’s girlfriend Amanda was responsibly anointed the dry and designated driver for the evening.
THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS BEER ITSELF…
Sometimes it seems that parenthood is an endless journey of letting go. As much as we want to, we cannot control our children’s lives. From the moment we let them out the door to go to school, or ride their bikes, or play in the backyard or neighborhood park we have to accept that ultimately, they have to be responsible for their actions, big and small. We have to let go a little bit more every step along the way and (sometimes painfully) come to grips with the fact that things can and will happen to them when we are not by their side, holding their hands, and ready to protect them from the big bad world around us. They will skin their knees, and break their arms and have their hearts broken and bust up their cars. They will have successes and failures, they will do wonderful things and make blaring mistakes. They are, like us, human, and must thus face all that is fabulous and all our collective foibles. We can guide and teach and set examples, but in the end, they have to pick up the reigns and steer their own lives in the right direction. It would be easy to spend all my waking hours worrying about my kids driving, worrying about my kids drinking, worrying about my kids drinking and driving, or their friends doing the same. However that wouldn’t be healthy for me or them. Rather, I have to let go once again, and trust as we pass another parenting benchmark, that we have done our best to give our kids the knowledge, tools and wherewithal to make smart and safe decisions.
Turning 21 is an incredible milestone, for Zach, and for his parents. We couldn’t be more proud of him and the wonderful young man (a legal adult!) he has become. I look forward to responsibly (and legally) enjoying more cheers and beers with him!
How about you? Do you have kids of drinking age? If so, how do you feel about raising a glass with them? It is a new phase for me, so I would welcome your thoughts in the comments. Cheers!
Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17). He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast. You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.
Photo Credit: © Mikko Pitkänen – Fotolia.com
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I am a rock star!
My wife and I work somewhat separate schedules. I work a typical 9-5 schedule while she works part time at a hospital. That means I spend some time watching our three boys by myself. When the kids get all spun up and I start to get frustrated we need to find something to calm us all down. How do I manage to keep three restless children (all under six) from driving me nuts? I play the guitar.
I am horrible at playing the guitar. I only know three or four chords. I have an eclectic repertoire that doesn’t suite itself for children. But when the going gets tough out comes my axe and we all sing The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald, I’ve Got Friends In Low Places, or Crying. The boys absolutely love it!
Research has shown music has a positive effect on children. Why deny them something so much fun and entertaining?
Even better than calming my herd is the look on their faces as I strum and sing and they dance and smile. Am I ready for American Idol? Hardly. Do I deserve Daddy of the Year? Unlikely. Am I happy I can calm the savage beasts and give them an appreciation of music? You bet!
What tactics do you use to help quiet or calm your children?
Photo credit: Originally uploaded to Flickr by _RobertC_
Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program. He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome. You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.
Mobile blogging age
Ciao! I’m just testing the WordPress app for the iPhone to see how it publishes blog posts from here.
I’m also going to attach a photo taken from my iPhone.
It’s Only a Matter of Time
Have you read that book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell?
You haven’t? You must not want your kids to succeed. In it Gladwell provides evidence that the only difference between so-so violin players and master violin players is the amount of hours they practiced. The masters put in about 10,000 hours of practice before hitting twenty years old. The so-so players? Only 8000. That’s only 1.466 hours of practice a day, seven days a week for fifteen years. What slackers! If only their parents had driven them from age five on to practice a measly .366 hours a day more — a mere sixteen or so minutes.
Learning that I wondered if I had failed as a parent and doomed my children to mediocrity for the rest of their lives.
“I’m so sorry, girls! You’ll never amount to anything!”
They stared at me slack jawed and wide eyed and I knew that it was true. Clearly they were all brain damaged.
“But it’s not too late!” said I. Quickly calculating, I realized that if I put my seven year old with Cerebral Palsy into ice skating today, she could be a master by twenty with only two hours of daily practice. My ten year old, who wanted to play the harp, would only need to practice 2.75 hours a day for the next ten years if she wanted to amount to anything in the harp world. She could fit all that practice in while we were at the skating rink and during the ride home. Most kids spend more time watching TV than that, so it was completely doable.
My fourteen year old was a dancer who wanted to compete in the Irish stepdancing on the world level. She’s already put in about 2000 hours since she was eleven, so she’d need 3.66 hours of rigorous dancing a day to hit 10,000. Easy. We could just leave her at home with some plywood planks, a mirror, and some food. She doesn’t like doing homework anyway…
My seventeen year old posed a problem, though. She’d been singing since she was two, but not with a dedicated daily regimen. She’d only amassed 6000 hours of practice — such an abject failure. I was deeply ashamed for her. She, too, would need to squeeze in 3.66 hours of daily practice if she wanted to be a master vocalist in three short years.
But she could do it. I mean, she’ll have to if she doesn’t want to grow up to be a complete loser.
In fact, they could all do it if they did nothing but practice non-stop. Who needs playtime?
Fortunately, it’s not too late to shape and mold my seven year old. I can just imagine the conversations we’ll have when I prepare her for Charter High School next year…
“But Dad, I don’t want to major in system administration, pharmacology, and neuroscience!”
“You’ll do as you’re told. Now hush, we have to get you to the skating rink for your Olympics training.”
Douglas Cootey is a married, full time dad raising four girls in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah who has long ago overcome his aversion to the color Pink. Douglas blogs about overcoming AD/HD & Depression with humor & pluck over at the award winning A Splintered Mind. He also co-produces a podcast with his 17 year old daughter. The random thoughts of his addled mind can be found at DouglasCootey and SplinteredMind over on Twitter.
A Poem for my Papí
This week marks the one year anniversary of my grandfather’s death. At 99 years old he lived the most remarkable life of anyone I’ve ever known. He taught me a lot about being a man and showed me how to love my wife. He was married to his own beloved for 74 years.
Earlier in the week I wrote a poem for my grandfather, but I would like to honor him by repeating it here.
A Poem for my Papí
Jose Ramos, Daddy, Papí. A man impossible to copy.
He had a one and only inclination to live his life with such elation,
joy and mischief, mirth, and cheer; too much for one century, minus a year.
Papí was gentle, and impossibly funny. He valued his friendships far above money.
He always looked forward and without regret. He never walked away from a window to bet.
He meant so much to me in his immovable place. I can look in the mirror and stare at his face.
Ever since that time when I was small – a sassy little know it all -
he and my Honey guided me, to the best that I could be.
Every weekend of my youth, with conduct ungrateful and a little uncouth,
they took me in and taught me well. But more than simply to speak and to spell.
They taught me other messages, a lot more essential, like meeting and making my moral potential.
They trained me not to cheat or lie, to never quit and always try,
to speak my mind and wait my turn, to show compassion and concern,
to all my neighbors, lend out a hand or maybe an ear to understand.
The best from all these lessons learned, a powerful example burned
(in my mind like it was branded), they both taught me single handed
how to treat my only other – as though the world could hold no other
soul who could ever compare, no matter who and no matter where.
They loved each other without doubt, without dearth, and without drought.
Even though I was only a kid, I know exactly the good that it did.
It showed me what to want from life, then led me toward my perfect wife.
If I could ever travel back, take the years and flip the stack,
I’d look them in their younger eyes and thank them true for being wise
and providing me a perfect picture to follow like a written scripture.
I grew up, and added years, a bigger nose and longer ears.
By the time I was mature, walking tall and talking sure.
I saw Papí from a different position, with what I’d already seen plus another addition.
It’s not the years in our life but the life in our years, the gray in our hair and the salt in our tears.
The smiles we carry and people we meet, the flavors of life from sour to sweet.
Papi’s a man who met wisdom with age, by living his life like he lived it on stage.
I’ll never forget him if I’m a hundred and five. In my heart I will always keep Papi alive.
Sean Platt is a ghostwriter and full time father. Subscribe to his (free) Writer Dad feed for awesome thoughts twice a week.
Nothing Bonds Like Baby Animals
My daughter Katie and I recently discovered a website I thought worth sharing. Heck, you don’t even NEED kids for this site, it’s cute and guaranteed to make you smile. ZOOBORNS is a site where they post pictures of baby animals born in zoos and wildlife preserves around the world. There are some oddball critters here, a lot of shared video, and mountains of cute. There is also a lot of information about the animals, some I’ve never even heard of, as well as links to the various zoos, preserves, and wildlife centers from which the content is gathered.
We added this widget to my website so we could get there any time we want. I am considering creating a webpage for my daughter that is nothing but links to the few things she loves. Webkinz, baby animals, and games.
The Living Years
All of us dads at Dad-O-matic (over 80 strong and growing!) want to wish everyone a Happy Father’s Day! Obviously, this is an important day for us because we strive to be the ultimate voice for dads and their families.
This day always makes me think of my dad who passed away rather young while I was in my 20s. We weren’t on great speaking terms because he abandoned my mom and four sons when I was a toddler and I’d never made peace with that fact. I never got to speak to him as I planned man to man to find closure because he passed away very quickly. Years later I visited his resting place and finally found closure in a profound way but still, it would have been so much better if I could’ve done so in his living years.
The song “The Living Years” by Mike + the Mechanics is one of my favorites. It still stirs up so many emotions and reminds me of a valuable lesson I learned the hard way as a young man. Life is so precious and so brief, we need to tell those we love how we feel and show them with actions while we still can. We truly never know how long any of us has in this beautiful life. I highly suggest you to find forgiveness in your heart while you can and conversely apologize for anything you’ve done or else live with regret.
I remember this not just on Father’s Day but do my best to do so each and every day. I’ve been blessed with three beautiful children (Nicholas 10, Matthew 6 and Rachel 3).
I continue to be the dad I never had.
Mike & The Mechanics – The Living Years
Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I’m a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I’m a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
Im afraid that’s all we’ve got
You say you just don’t see it
He says its perfect sense
You just cant get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
Its the bitterness that lasts
So don’t yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in
You may just be o.k.
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we don’t see eye to eye
I wasn’t there that morning
When my father passed away
I did’nt get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
Im sure I heard his echo
In my baby’s new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
Its too late when we die
To admit we dont see eye to eye
Giving And Receiving On Father’s Day!
As a dad myself, Father’s Day is always a double whammy – I get to honor my own dad, and all he has meant to me, and I get to be honored by my own kids and take some special time with them to reflect on what it means to be a father. We learn so much, and are influenced so much by our parents, yet I don’t think we realize how truly and deeply entwined we are until we become parents ourselves. As a dad, especially as my kids have grown older, I see my father in myself in so many things I do. More surprisingly, I am not alone in this discovery and apparently my kids see it too. ”Dad, you are just like Grandpa” has lately been a fairly common comment from my kids to me. I consider it a compliment!
ANYTHING FURTHER FATHER?
There are countless things I cherish about my own childhood and the role my dad has played in my life, and countless more things I cherish about my children and my role as their father. I am so proud of my three children, who are now wonderful young adults and good citizens. Their accomplishments roll up to their parents, and in turn, that sense of pride and accomplishment rolls up to my parents, and their pride in me and my children rolls up to all they learned from their parents, etc., etc… It is a wonderful cycle that is often too easy to take for granted and lose sight of. We are both the influenced and the influencers. We are the sons and the fathers.
THE SON ALSO RISES
To every dad out there, today is a special day for us to look forward and look backwards, to give and to receive, to acknowledge and be acknowledged. Accept the special love and praise of your children with pride as you most certainly deserve it. And give your dad the love and praise he deserves for helping to shape the wonderful dad in you. Happy Father’s Day!
Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17). He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast. You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.
Photo Credit: © Warren Millar – Fotolia.com
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The gift of a Book
As advertisers climb over one another to suggest Father’s Day gifts, it is wise to consider Emily Dickenson’s poem, A Book.
There is no frigate like a book
To take us lands away,
Nor any coursers like a page
Of prancing poetry.
This traverse may the poorest take
Without oppress of toll;
How frugal is the chariot
That bears a human soul!
The gift of a book is unlike other gifts. Like Dickenson’s poem, it has the power of words to lift the imagination and embolden action. But where does one begin?
If Dad has a penchant for poetry, Favorite Poems Old and New is a rich anthology which includes poems of Wordsworth, Yeats, Blake, Stevenson, and Dickenson’s A Book. However the book that I recommend most frequently, and give most often is Gladys Hunt’s Honey for a Child’s Heart: The Imaginative Use of Literature in Family Life. It is a breathtaking view of the beauty of literature that the role that it can play in the family – replete with an anotated bibliography of great books for children at each age. I have yet to find a more inspiring book that makes reading with my kids a true joy.
Books, great books, have the ability to inspire awe and wonder in a Dad and his children. There are few gifts that should be higher on a gift list.
Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.
A Technique To Quell Crying
Getting Distracted
Earlier tonight, I set out to write a blog here for Dad-O-Matic with a suggestion for how to handle a crying child and found myself writing about distractions in the context of life. Ironic how that happened, being distracted by my own inspiration to write! Anyway, upon finishing that up and posting on my own blog, I promptly came back to write about my original topic: using distractions with our children to help them to stop crying.
The Situation
Being a parent we are often confronted with a situation where our child is crying and there just seems no way to get them to stop. This can happen at bedtime, lunchtime, when you are out running errands, or anytime that is just inconvenient for us parents. It’s a true test of parental patience. Some parents are very patient with their children, while others don’t even have a fuse to burn for 2 seconds!
The way it usually starts is the child wants something they can’t have, like candy or toys. Or they want to do something they can’t do, like stay up at bedtime or run up and down the store isle shrieking at the top of their lungs. Sometimes the crying is due to sheer exhaustion, depending on the child’s age. These are familiar situations for most parents. And it’s not that anyone’s child is truly unruly or badly behaved. There are various reasons for defiant or rebellious types of behavior that causes children to cry uncontrollably. The most common I have found with my own children are that they are just testing me to see what they can get away with or they simply want more attention.
Our Reactions
I’m not a psychology expert, nor did I study child behavior. But as a parent, I can guarantee you I have become an expert at raising my children. My children are a blessing for having taught me so much about human conditioning. As men it can be easy to gravitate to aggressive means for control, especially those with higher levels of testosterone. Some men have been raised to believe, through their own childhood experience, that force is the way to gain control. And the images we see in movies and on TV certainly glamorize that type of behavior, even though we know it is wrong. When things don’t go the way we want, we can get upset. This may be more true for men than women, as women tend to be nurturers. However, when your nerves are shot because your child won’t stop crying, emotions can take over that are not constructive for either gender. You want it to end, but you have no solution. And all the books and articles you’ve read on child rearing somehow don’t answer your specific situation. When you step outside of your own conditioning you can learn a lot about what you are experiencing.
Finding Solutions
Fortunately I was also blessed with ample patience. My dad was extremely patient. He was careful and enjoyed paying attention to small details. I learned a great deal about patience through watching him. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my own moments of frustration. But when I stop thinking about me and what I want, to turn my focus on what my child wants I have found myself to be even more patient than I am under normal circumstances. This can be a difficult thing for anyone to do, especially when there is such urgency felt to solve the child’s problem immediately so they will stop screaming and crying. It’s easy to lose control of your own thoughts and switch to some sort of survival mode. But if you have reached that place in life where you place others ahead of you, because it pleases you to do so, then it is easy to learn to focus on your child.
We are a society of “instant gratification needs“. When our children scream and cry, we want it to stop immediatley, especially when the cause is not related to being hurt in some fashion. It’s hard to find anything more aggrevating than a child screaming because of something as simple as not getting a piece of candy. And it’s easy to reprimand and lay down the law with our brow wrinkled and force in our voice saying “because I said so, that’s why“. But it really can be the least effective method, only creating more disharmony with your child. So how can you get your child to stop screaming and crying quickly? Distract them.
Distraction Works
With our third child Sam, we had a hard time with him at bedtime. There were many nights where he would just cry and cry and cry before finally falling asleep. When he was a baby I would hold him until he fell alseep. But as he got to be a toddler, this became more difficult. So, I would lay down next to him to appease him, but sometimes even that didn’t help.
One night when he was about two years old, while laying with him as he was crying, I just started talking to him and asked him some questiions about how his day went. I asked him to remember a couple specific events. I was pleasantly surprized when he choked back the crying and answered me! I had managed to distract him from why he was crying. I continued with other questions and dialogue. And not too long after he dozed off to sleep in the middle of his sentence. I had used this technique before with my two older ones, but had never really realized what I was doing until with Sam.
This technique of distracting also works with my youngest who is now two. One night recently while we were having supper she had no interest in eating. After three or four stern warnings to eat, she began fussing because she just didn’t want to. I pulled out my distraction technique and began asking her questions unrelated to our discussion of eating supper, like what color her shirt was. She loves purple, and usually is wearing purple so it was an easy question for her to answer. After a few other questions, I then pulled some reverse psycology and told her she shouldn’t eat because it would make her strong and she didn’t want to be strong. She promply started eating, and smiling while doing it.
All Things In Moderation
Distraction is one of those things where after a while, children will pick up on your antics. So you should use it in moderation. Don’t try to employ distraction as soon as the child starts crying. This may aggrevate them more because they haven’t been able to vent their frustration yet. It will be more confusing as they are trying to process their frustration at the same time as answer your question. It usually worked best for me several minutes (3-5) into the episode because my children had forgotten why they were crying to begin with. I have found it to work well with my children 2 to 5. Sam is now 5, and I am still able to distract him when necessary. If you have a baby (under 2), since they likely can’t answer you back yet and have some kind of conversation with you, you should practice talking to them with a soothing voice, rather than expect them to understand that dad’s big booming voice is the authority!
Ultimately all children respond differently to various rearing methods. I have learned that with my children, distracting them helps me to calm them, and generally we are also able to solve their discontentment in the process. I’d love to hear how this works for you, or if you have your own methods for calming an upset child. Feel free to contact me here http://contact.charlieprofit.com.
About Charlie
Charlie Profit has been happily married since 1997 and is father to four wonderful children. He has Faith in Christ, is a Conservative Libertarian, and believes in limited government with free markets. He is a Talk Host, Podcaster and Blogger at www.charlieprofit.com. Charlie is a veteran broadcaster and owns his own broadcast and new media services company CAB Radio, coaching Internet Talk Hosts and helping companies with their Social Media presence.
A Handful of Father’s Day Quotes
Over at my primary online home, I have the tagline that “Life’s better when you have the right words.” I truly believe this. I think the right syllables strung together can stick with us for our own personal eternity.
In celebration of Father’s Day tomorrow, I thought it would be nice to list a small handful of my favorite fatherhood quotes.
Enjoy!
“It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
~ William Shakespeare
“Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.”
~ Ruth E Renkel
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
~ Mark Twain
“I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.”
~ Bartrand Hubbard
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
~ Charles Wadsworth
“A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.”
~ Enid Bagnold
“It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
”
~ Kent Nerburn
“One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”
~ Anonymous
“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is “soap-on-a-rope.”
~ Bill Cosby
“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys’.”
~ Harmon Killebrew
“He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
~ Clarence Budington Kelland
“A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.”
~Author Unknown
“There are three stages of a man’s life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.”
~Author Unknown
Writer Dad is also a Ghostwriter for hire and occasional potty training expert. Subscribe to his feed here.
Online Safety Made Simple with Littleye
We all worry about our kids and how they use the Internet. Thanks to a safety filter application called littleye, however, a lot of our worries and fears are now taken care of.
Put together by a community of parents and teachers, littleye takes the concept of existing online safety filters on step further.
The very fact that it’s parents and teachers who have put the service together is a great starting place – after all, it’s who our kids will spend most of their childhood learning from.
What is littleye?
The best way to describe littleye is in the company’s own words:
“littleye is a virtual fence around safe websites that have been reviewed and approved by our community of parents and teachers. Kids can surf the Internet, but only within that virtual fence of a trusted safe list of websites.”
So it’s like letting your kids play in your virtual backyard – they have the freedom of playing but still within eyesight of us. If we think their playtime is getting out of hand, we can call them back indoors.
While you can do this with other safety filters, littleye separates itself by having some cool extra features for parents to use.
More Ways to Keep Our Kids Safe Online
Because littleye is a collaboration between parents and teachers, much of the legwork that other filters require has already been taken care of for you. You can pretty much open your account and you’re good to go from the start. So what are some of the key features?
- Online monitoring from any location means as long as you have an Internet connection, you can see what your kids are viewing. This lets you either approve or filter that site.
- Time limits for both sites and daily use make sure your kids aren’t wasting all their time online and leave room for other activities.
- Customized and pre-set website filters let you approve your own sites or choose from tens of thousands of littleye-approved sites.
- Keyword filters that make sure your kids can’t search for any questionable keywords, or find adult sites that use keyword masking to hide their real content (think searching for Snow White leading to a porn site because it uses this term to trick web browsers).
The filter itself is an application that you can download for either Windows or Mac systems. There’s even an iPhone application for monitoring regardless if your location isn’t anywhere near a computer.
As the web becomes more useful for kids for personal and school use, so the risk of viewing unwanted websites goes up too. With littleye activated, the chances of this happening are greatly reduced.
INCREDIBLE SPECIAL OFFER
Until the end of August 2009, you can grab a free lifetime subscription! After that it’s either $4.95 per month or $49 for an annual subscription. You can find out more (including a nifty set of videos) on the littleye website, or follow them on Twitter if you’re on there.
Danny Brown is a business branding and social media consultant, and the father to a beautiful little girl. He is also the founder of the 12for12k Challenge, a social media-led charity initiative. Say hello to him on Twitter.
Father’s Day Homework
Sunday is Father’s Day. It may seem a bit rude for me, a mommy, to ask you guys to self-reflect (god forbid), but I know you can handle it. Dad-o-Matic Dads aren’t afraid of a little reality check now-and-then, right?
Don’t worry, the self-reflection homework doesn’t come until the end. Painless, I promise! 
First I have to admit I don’t know much about dads. In fact, they’ve always been a bit of a mystery to me.
My parents divorced when I was 9, but my dad was out of the house before that. Even when my parents were married, my dad worked at night so I saw him rarely. In fact, after the separation and divorce, I saw my father more often than when he was living with us. That only lasted for a short time though. My father came from a different generation, one that was taught that child-rearing was “women’s work.” He didn’t have much patience for small children.
When I would meet friends’ dads, I’d be fascinated. I would instinctually recognize the same “type” of dad, the distant, strict, no-excuses father like mine (which, honestly, were the norm in the small community I grew up in). But sometimes I’d meet a dad who was, well, a DAD. A guy who sat and talked with his kids, who coached the pee-wee team, or who helped sell girl scout cookies. I disregarded the strict dads, as I grew to be quite independent (my father-in-law wasn’t at all thrilled with me when we met) and I feared yet longed for the closeness and influence of the “hands-on” dads.
I could wax on forever about my own life, but I’ll wax off and always look eye, Daniel-san. Here comes the self-reflection part.
Even before Freud and his cocaine-frenzied ego-orgies with bored ladies-who-lunch, mothers were blamed for all the mental disorders kids could manifest. For the past few decades, psychologists have started looking at the influence fathers have on their kids (this is actually good news, not just for us scapegoated moms).
It may sound ridiculously obvious, but you dads actually shape your kids’ world views, not just by your discipline but by your daily behavior. For example, more and more psych research comes out about how the father’s personality determines how a girl will find a mate later in life, and about how fathers act toward women is the defining lesson a boy learns about relationships.
In the book, “The Role of the Father in Child Development” (.pdf of intro here), Editor Michael E. Lamb outlines the 3 areas that many researchers concentrate on when researching the father/child relationship: Engagement, Accessibility, and Responsibility.
Here’s the homework: If you’re a dad, perhaps you can use these few days before Father’s Day to self-reflect on how you are involved with your children, how approachable you are to them, and if you are fulfilling your duty to them (as your children see it, and as you see it). Maybe spend some time thinking about how your own father rated on these scales. This can take 5 minutes or 50, it’s up to you.
See? That didn’t hurt a bit. For extra credit, you can share your thoughts in the comments section.
To my fellow writers on Dad-o-Matic and every other Dad on the planet, Happy Father’s Day!
The V-Word Part Two: Under the Knife
A few weeks ago I pulled into the shady, almost cozy looking parking lot of a building that would forever change my life. From the outside it was a charming, cottage-like building, but inside was a well prepared surgery, perfect for a vasectomy!
I walked in and, like at all Doctor’s offices, I had to fill out forms. Many forms. After the forms I read over an information booklet and waited. I spent some time on Twitter, live Tweeting where I was and what I was about to do. Finally, my doctor opened the door, old-fashioned surgical bag under his arm, and asked me to follow him. I did.
We walked down to the small surgery that was going to make me transhuman. For weeks I had been telling my wife that having surgery to eliminate my reproductive ability would give me transhuman status. I thought this was hilarious, my wife didn’t find it as funny. I dropped my pants, hopped up on the table, and went under the knife.
It was a piece of cake.
My Doctor asked if I was nervous. When I told him no, he smiled. He likes performing this procedure, he said, because his patients were self-selecting – if they were nervous, they didn’t show up. Nothing but relaxed patients for him.
He set about prepping me, and we chatted about things that strangers talk about. The weather, interests, life stories, small things like that. The worst part of the procedure, that absolute worst part, was when he covered me with antiseptic. It was cold, like jumping into a cool lake or pool. That was the absolute extent of the discomfort. The one time I felt any discomfort, he stopped and topped off the pain medication for me, no questions asked.
After it was all done, I got dressed, and walked out the door, up the stairs to the waiting car. It was that easy.
Now, a few things you need to know before you go in. You shouldn’t take any blood thinning pain medication, such as Aspirin and Tylenol, for the two weeks leading up to your procedure, or for one week after. You should bring a pair of tight brief-style underwear, one size smaller than you usually wear would be fine. You don’t want to be wearing baggy boxers for at least a couple of weeks. You should also have someone to drive you home, driving just after the procedure is not recommended.
Over the weekend I spent a lot of time on the couch. I iced the area, but not for pain, just to prevent swelling. It’s a good idea to rotate ice on and off in fifteen to twenty minute cycles. Don’t over ice! Try to stay off your feet as much as you can, but you will not a complete invalid. By Sunday night, I was cleaning up after my kids, and doing much of what I usually did on a regular basis. The pain was minimal, regular strength painkillers were more than enough.
By Monday morning, I was ready to go back to work. I had to drive instead of riding my bike, but otherwise I was fine, totally fine.
In my next and final article, I will let you know how the rest of my recovery went, and the results of my final test.
Drew Beatty is a father, podcaster and writer. He is also known to use Twitter. Soon he will be unable to reproduce, but he is okay with that.
Stay tuned for followup posts on this touchy but important subject matter.
How to combat the “Damien” influence
My son lives with his mother, and every weekend I take the two-hour-roundtrip train ride to pick him up and drop him off. I don’t own a car since I live around public transit, so the commuter rail it is.
The ride is a good time to catch up with E when I first pick him up, or to just quietly hang out (well, as quietly as a 10-year old can hang out). It’s the only way I know to get him to take a nap in the middle of the day.
On my way home from dropping E off this afternoon, my RSS feed-reading (thanks to the MBCR’s free wifi) was interrupted by a young voice shouting “I’ll break your hip again!” Up the ramp came a boy, I guessed about 7-years old, followed by his older sister and grandparents. The grandparents just shook their head and tried to corral the boy into a seat.
The boy’s attitude was shocking. He was rude, he knew it, and he was proud of it. He was a badass in the worst possible way.
I had a flash of “Punk kids these days” before I realized I’m bunching my son into that group. Then I thought of what I’d do if E ever said something like that, and it hit me that he simply wouldn’t; ten years of reinforcement of ways to behave by both his mother and me have yielded a respectful little kid – especially to his grandparents!
Then I realized this kid wasn’t that special. There were the badass kids when I was in elementary school, and there were badass kids when my parents were young. This is the kid that other kids avoid. This is the kid that other kids’ dads teach the three tries rule: give him three chances to leave you alone before you lay him out.
Then I got to thinking about how connected we are. Especially in urban areas, we spend more time in public spaces. Compared to when I was a kid, less and less family time is spent inside the house. People count the mall as a place to spend time as a family – complete with amusement parks. Being around other families more and more, we’re exposed to the good and the bad of other people’s parenting.
Then I thought about what I’d say if E was with me to witness this. Would I have to say anything? We have an almost unspoken communication around things like this, where he’ll just look at me with an expression like, “Can you believe he gets away with that?”, and I’ll respond with a look that quite simply says “No, no I can’t, and you’d better not try.”
What about you? Have you ever been in a situation with your child where you’ve observed bad behavior from other kids? How did you turn an awkward moment into a teachable moment?
Gradon Tripp helps nonprofits raise money online, but in and out of the office, has two blogs, and is the father of an awesome son.
Photographic Father’s Day Gift Tips
It is one week from Father’s Day! Do you know where your gift is? It’s time for procrastinating sons and daughters to unite and get off our butts and focus on something that will make dear old Dad smile. If you are also a Dad (or Mom) yourself, it will be even easier to put a smile on your Dad’s face, leveraging your kids (his grandchildren). There is still time to send your Dad a very special gift that is heartfelt, personal, and will be appreciated for a long time to come.
A PICTURE IS WORTH MORE THAN A THOUSAND… (DOLLAR GIFT)!
Since Dads are used to supporting their kids, when it comes to Father’s Day I believe that most Dads are much more interested in the thought behind their kid’s Father’s Day presents rather than how much their kids may have spent on them. Thanks to the digital age we live in, chances are you have gigabytes of photos of you, your dad, and your children. There are literally dozens of websites where you can upload your digital images and turn them into a wide range of personalized gift items, from t-shirts, mugs and key chains, to gorgeous leather bound books. With very little effort you can personalize them with captions, poetry, family quips, etc. to create something that Dad is certain to cherish. My personal favorite is Shutterfly.com, but you can also check out Zazzle, Snapfish and just about any other photo sharing site for similar products and services. In less than an hour, you can put together an awesome gift for Dad at just about any budget level. More importantly, if you take a few moments to give it some thought, adding some clever captions and other personal touches will make your gift a special one that Dad will return to again and again. Most of these sites have sophisticated “print on demand” systems so you can create your gift any time, day or night, and it is often shipped within 24 – 48 hours, which means if you act now, you still have time to make something special for Dad that he will receive on time!
GETTING FRAMED
One other great gift, at a slightly higher price point, is a Digital Picture Frame
So, if you haven’t yet decided on what to get your Dad, get to your computer, open your pictures folder and get to work! What do you think? If you have other fast and fantastic Father’s Day gift suggestions, please share them in the comments.
Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17). He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast. You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.
Photo Credit: © Gina Rothfels – Fotolia.com
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Sorry My Kid Disappoints You On This Flight
Speaking for those who have children and have to deal with this, you’re not alone…
The Commercial Airline Industry is a Public Industry
Hey arrogant business folk who tweet, moan and complain about kids and babies on planes; please realize you’re riding public transportation-an air compressed tube in the sky with 100/200 other people-one should ALWAYS expect children on flights to act up, how would you feel being trapped in a tube for 2 or 4 hours not understanding the concept of flying? One should also understand that we, as parents, would LOVE to not have to deal with a screaming child either but that’s life, we don’t do it JUST to annoy you, and no we can’t “shut the kid up.” By the way, when you say things like that do you realize you put yourself in harm’s way? How wise is it of you to say something like that to a person who will do ANYTHING to protect their child from harm. What do you think; once people have kids they aren’t allowed to travel anymore?
Consumer Entitlement
Just because you paid “good money” to fly doesn’t mean you’re owed silence or special individual treatment, so get over yourself. Hey, if you want “child free” transportation hire a private jet or start a childless airline!
The Apology (Breaking Brogan’s Law)
Sorry for my long absence from Dad-O-Matic but this is a sore point for me, since I’ve been seeing nothing but airline rage against children & babies. To be honest this has been a peeve even before I had a child…complaining about a child’s behavior on a plane is futile. The most helpful thing you can do if you’re one of these elitist snobs is to keep your mouth shut so we CAN regain control of our situation so your travel can be pleasant…
This is today’s Trials of Being Dad!
Thanks to my sister-in-law (I borrowed a bit of our conversation to write this) and the wife, my content editor.
Michael J. Carrasquillo is a NYC musician, filmmaker, speaker, organizer of NYC Media Makers & new father. He blogs at Issue De ‘Quillo and produces a podcast called “The Trials of Being Mike” and an upcoming podcast called “moments”. You can follow him on Twitter @mjcarrasquillo.
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Being A Role Model Is More Important Than Being A Celebrity
This week David Letterman brought shame on Fatherhood. This has nothing to do with with politics, whether you are a supporter or detractor of Sarah Palin, whether you believe that as a public figure her family is also fair game for being the brunt of a humorists attention, David Letterman, as a Father should know better.
His defence, which was thin at best and consisted mostly of saying his joke wasnt about a 14 year old girl it was about an 18 year old girl, was ridiculous. As was his initial defence that “its what I do”.
It made me think about the way we try and excuse our behavior when what we should really do is think about the lessons we try and instill in our children. If your child did something that you found unacceptable and you took them to task over it would you accept lame weak excuses? Would you want them to accept responsibility for what they had done? Would you want them to make amends?
As the Father of a 5 year old son, does David Letterman want his son to grow up to be a man who takes responsibility or does he want him to grow up following in his Father’s footsteps and duck responsibility. As the Father of two daughters, one of whom is 18, if David Letterman or any one else suggested that my daughter was an easy target for a baseball player, I’d be more than angry.
So David Letterman man up, face up to the fact that you made a mistake, you made a poor judgment call, accept it, we all do it, the error is not in making the mistake, it is in not correcting it properly, openly and fully.
As Fathers we have received a bad press, and in some cases rightly so, we have our share of bad “members” like any other social group. However, I’d like to believe that for the most part, Fathers are a responsible group of people who are working hard to instill in the next generation good values of respect for women and for other people in general.
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Recharging and Life Balance
I travel a lot lately, and one thing I’m asked quite often is how I recharge or how I maintain my life balance. Let me start by saying that I haven’t really figured out a great balance for my life, but I can say that I am doing lots to keep it all juggled. I wanted to write a quick post about this before I take my family out to breakfast, if only to explain this part of the lifestyle of a hard-working small business owner.
First, a Snapshot of My Life
I’m president of a small business called New Marketing Labs. I am also a professional speaker. Between these two roles, I travel at least once a week most weeks and have been since the beginning of 2009 (before then, I still traveled, but maybe only once a month). The longest stretch I’ve gone away from my family was two solid weeks, which was quite a push.
When I’m on the road, I haven’t had the ability to connect visually with my family because my wife’s laptop died a short while back, killing the possibility of Skype. We’ve fixed that, but for quite a while, I could only talk with everyone on the phone. If you have young kids (mine are 7 and 3), you know that’s sometimes like pulling teeth.
It’s life right now. I do a lot of things, have a ton of business on my plate, and am providing (I hope) for a good future for my family.
When I come home, I am FULLY focused on my family. I give them as much time and love as I can. We go places. We play rough (because that’s a Daddy game in our household). We giggle and joke and read tons and tons of books together. We go to the lake and the ocean (as the weather gets better).
How I Recharge
As a Dad, my goals when I’m off the road are to get myself reset for whatever the next trip is, and then try and connect as much as possible with the family. I give my wife time off to go to the movies, go out with friends, go shopping, or whatever else she’s had to sacrifice while being, essentially, a single mom the whole time I’m gone. During that time, I engage my kids in things that I connect on with them. For example, my daughter and I read and draw together (Mom does the messier art, as I’m a bit twitchy about that). My son and I play with trains and wrestle and roughhouse a lot (Hey, my daughter likes fighting, too, but she’s getting pretty tough at 7).
You might notice that my family’s reconnection comes first before any kind of personal recharge. It’s because I want them repaid for their efforts while I’m away. I want them to know they’re every bit as much part of the team and that I love them and am grateful for them. Thus, I do what I can to reconnect and recharge them before tackling myself.
Some Specifics to Consider
- Often times, I get a cheap airport hotel room the night before I fly or the night I come back. One reason is we have 1 car, and this makes retrieval easier. The other reason is that I can get one attempt more at sleep before reconnecting.
- Now when I travel, I try to sneak off to my room and unplug every now and again. My personal batteries need recharging, and that requires me to go offline for a bit.
- When I can, I try and have smaller meals with fewer folks while on the road. I love big meetups, but I recharge by having smaller conversations later.
- I find my way into bookstores and books when I can. Reading about other people’s lives or learning business strategies recharges me.
- I’m finally getting back into my body a bit. I did some hiking in Seattle that powered that rebirth.
- Now that we repaired the laptop at home, I Skype video with my kids while I’m away so that we can see each other. They like seeing my various hotel rooms.
- I am trying hard to set better boundaries around what is work time and what is not (not succeeding yet).
- When I get home, I make sure to talk lots and lots about what my family has been doing, and give them all the air first. Then, when they feel satisfied that I know what they’ve been doing, I know we’ll talk a little about wherever I’ve been.
- I try hard not to interrupt family time with work. My business partners and clients often respect this.
It’s not perfect, but I’m working on it all the time. It’s one of my most important projects.
What about you? How do you balance it all?
5 Quick Tips for Potty Training
This post is for all those parents still swimming through the tar of toilet training. Here are 5 quick tips to help your hurdle the pitfalls of potty training.
1) Make toilet training as comfortable for your toddler as possible. Getting them their own potty chair can be a messy, scary experience for them. Try getting them started straight on the family toilet. This method makes it easy, efficient, and can start immediately. Also make sure you have a small stool so they can easily access the potty with independence.
2) Let your toddler select their own underwear. It’s the little things they often love the most, and picking underwear with a favorite character will help them look forward to the potty training experience. And if they’re looking forward to training, half your battle is already won.
3) Turn toilet training into an adventure. Let them bid a fond farewell to everything they flush. It may seem silly to you, but to them, saying “Bye-bye toilet paper,” can be exciting enough to call potty training fun.
4) Get your child to the potty immediately after an accident and change them while placing their waste into the potty. This will reinforce the purpose of the potty in your toddler’s mind.
5) Eliminate fear. Model casual behavior and your child will follow. You never want to force potty training on your toddler. If resistance is strong, pull back and try again in a few days.
However, be sure your child’s resistance has merit and they aren’t pitting their will against yours. If you back off too early, the second round is sure to be a lot harder than the first.
Sean Platt is always a dad, and an occasional potty training expert who also tweets.
Wisdom from 1881
In Little Town on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls tells with typical candor how she got herself into trouble by the careless use of words. After Laura is thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed of her loose tongue, her mother writes a short poem in Laura’s journal:
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where
That little poem is well worth committing to memory – and of sharing with our children.
Reading that chapter aloud to my five-year-old provided a shared experience for us in which we felt the weight and force of those wise words. It created a context for us to discuss words written well over 100 years ago that are perhaps even more apropos today than they were when penned in 1881.
Do you have old books that you love reading and discussing with your children?
Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.
