Today was a planned work from home day for me. Â It’s aÂ day I can have dinner with the girls and just make sure I am around. Â Lately I’ve been trying to schedule two of these a week and try to give them a chance to talk or just hang and not have to worry about sitters and other distractions.
I posted this over on my Dad the Single Guy blog too because I am very fascinated by the way conversation went from fairly benign to very deep in almost no time. Â I would be interested in what the community things about this.
Tonight 10.5 had hebrew school, and with Purim in the rear view mirror, temple attention (at least for the Hebrew school Â set) turns to Passover. Â In the world of Hebrew school that means the model seder. Â Today, home came the list of things I have to send it. Â Its broken down by class-and that became the jumping off point for a discussion I was no way prepared for, but had to deal with.
In explaining the classes beyond 13, when they have their Bat Mitzvah I tried the metaphor of – right now everything you are learning is about being Jewish and getting ready for Bat Mitzvah. Â After that (if they choose to continue) they learn how to be Jewish in life-and begin to identify for themselves whatÂ roleÂ (if any) religion will have in their lives….
Which somehow lead its way to my dating life, and the gulf between the girls on the subject matter. Â 8.0 is exuberant in her support of myÂ dating-can’tÂ happen fast enough. Â I had to temper her exuberance with a reality check-her mother and I dated for nearly 10 years before we got married.
10.5 has a very different outlook. Â She cast it as I am not ready, after all my wife died three months ago. Â When I asked her about this, and why she thought it, the reality is she is not ready to have me date.
And it seems the same exuberance that 8.0 has for a female figure, 10.5 is guarded against. Â It’s aninteresting split in the girls. Â If I had to guess (or if I was sitting in the comfy chair at my therapist) I would guess it has to do with Risa’s physical capabilities from birth to three or four for both. Â After 10.5 was born, Risa physically was able to bond and be engaged. Â With 8.0 it was much more of a challenge for Risa. Â There was no less love (it seemsÂ gratuitousÂ to add this, but I feel like I need to) but the ability to manage a 2-3 year old and bond with a baby was just not as robust.
The next interesting part of the conversation came when we talked about specific people-who are single and I could possibly date–10.5’s outlook changes a lot. Â Could it be the worry is about her having to bond with someone new? Â The challenge of creating relationship dynamics at 10+ rather than having it instilled?