Comments on: The Star Wars Dilemma

By: Micki

Micki — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 11:59:25 +0000

Little dvd players with headphones. Simple.

By: Kevin Kosh

Kevin Kosh — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:29:39 +0000

There are always two…a master and an apprentice.

Hey Chris, I’m close to the same boat as you — two boys 7 and 4. The little one has an iron constitution, and an iron will to get older fast. The one thing we’ve done is talk to the kids, before, during and after the movie. Sometimes we proactively fast forward parts, or warn them of what is coming (like gutting the Tauntaun in Ep 5). It’s seemed to work. That said, there is a ban on Ep. 3. Not that we don’t think they could handle it, but we felt like we didn’t want to expose them to that level of intensity at this point — and PG-13 is a good excuse.

We also started with 4, 5, and 6. Part of our nostalgia, but part because Lucas doesn’t really dwell on violence as graphically in those. The death scenes are quick (apart from the end of Ep. 6, but at that point, they had been turned fully to the Dad side of the force).

And as an aside the viewing of Ep. 4 has provided us with one of our funniest lines from the little one. With the Luke/Vader connection such a part of Pop culture, the 4 yr old (3 at the time) said literally nothing as he sat rapt watching the movie. But in the battle between Vader and Ben, when Ben was cut down, a laser battle erupted and the heroes escaped, the little one turned to me with a quizzical look and said simply, “How come he (Luke) didn’t say hi to his Dad?”

Good luck, and may the Force be with you

By: Jamie Riddell

Jamie Riddell — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 09:13:50 +0000

Its tough working out what the kids will like/accept and when. My daughter had her first nightmare after Snow White and I was gutted. I am not sure if you can explain to your 3 yo that is just a movie or indeed you can offer the kids separate time.

On a pure Star Wars theme, did you skip 2 & 3 to go to 4? I showed my daughter 1,2,3,4,5,6 in that order and was interested to see her reaction (having not seen ep. 4 like all of us.) She loved 1-3 and Anakin but wasn’t bothered by Luke & Han… funny.

By: JLow

JLow — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 07:42:43 +0000

“.. I sense fear in the boy… he is not ready…”

By: David Niall Wilson

David Niall Wilson — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:57:57 +0000

We are lucky to have two older siblings and only the one very young child. We give them separate time, and work to find a few things that we can use to bring us all together.

Oddly, though, the youngest – Katie – is the one who watches old Star Trek with us and loves it…

Kids are just people. Each is different. You can find something interesting to the younger child to do elsewhere while the elder watches the Star Wars…and maybe one day they’ll share that. One rule for all is much harder to make fair…

David

By: Marc Mandt

Marc Mandt — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:57:51 +0000

I think it really depends on the kid. We have a daugther who’s 4 1/2 & our son just turned 3. Personally (and I’m not criticizing) I think 3 is too young for Star Wars. Our son is still enjoying the movie Cars, and watching Go Diego Go, etc.. As for our daugter, we see a range of differences in her friends in her K4 class in terms of maturity & response to things. Personally, I don’t think I’d be comfortable showing her Star Wars until she’s 6; maybe 5 1/2.

Back to our 3 year old for a moment,; we were a little nervous when he watched Monsters Inc. for the first time a few months ago; but when we decided to try it, we made sure the enviornment was fun. We watched it as a family, and “kept it silly” the whole time. My wife & I watched both of our kids carefully to make sure they weren’t scared. I think the fact that it was a cartoon helped a lot.

I have not seen the animated Clone Wars, but my suspicion would be that there’s going to be a difference in the way they react to it versus Episodes I – VI becasue you’re talking about a cartoon versus real people. The “real people” versions may seem scarier because they might not feel like “pretend” to really young kids.

One other thing to consider is how much will they really enjoy the movie because they can follow the plot. Sure lasers, droids, spaceships, etc. are cool, but the characters really make the movies. I think a kid that’s older (maybe 8 or 10) is going to appreciate who and what the characters are a lot more than my 4 1/2 year old. There’s part of me that thinks if they’ve seen it a couple of dozen times before they’re that age (8 or 10), then the true enjoyment and appreciation of the series may be lost. Think about how much we still enjoy these movies as adults. (Let’s face it, Han Solo is still cool!)

I’m not an expert, and I didn’t stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night either; these are just my thoughts on how I would look at it with my kids.

Marc

By: Mary Engvall

Mary Engvall — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:43:31 +0000

Chris,
I have three boys (16,12,9), so I know of what you speak. Down deep inside you know the answer…it just isn’t a popluar one. You need to shield your youngest from content that is not appropriate for his age, just like you need to keep his eating and sleeping schedule consistent even though your older daughter no longer needs as rigid a plan. Involve her in helping “take care” of your son, by not exposing him to things he would find confusing, scary or the like. She will need to schedule times when he is napping or out of the house to watch Star Wars and other things you feel are okay for her at her age. You could reward her in small ways (good ol’ fashioned praise or the occasional trip to the ice cream parlor) for helping you and your wife with keeping things age appropriate for your son. This is one of those truisms of parenting…go with your gut…do what you know is right …even when it won’t make you any fans on the homefront. Stick to your guns, as they say. It may be challenging now with Star Wars…well, just wait your daughter is 16! (You may be the one who needs the shielding…hee.)

Congrats on being a caring, concerned Dad!

By: Romy Taormina

Romy Taormina — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:55:10 +0000

I have two boys, ages 9 and 6 1/2. Similar age spread to yours. My thougths…So that you don’t subject your son to experiences you do not feel he is ready for, yet ones that you feel your daughter is, separate them. For example, you watch “Star Wars” with your daughter and another adult does something with your son (go for a walk, play outside). One on one parent/child (grandparent/child, etc.) experiences are highly valuable. Everyone benefits.

By: Danny Brown

Danny Brown — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:51:45 +0000

Best thing I can recommend Chris is to keep your kids away from Episodes 1-3; they give anyone nightmares. Keep them to the good stuff in Episodes 4-6; you know, PROPER Star Wars?

By: Adam Keats

Adam Keats — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:43:28 +0000

Chris — you have to let your daughter enjoy the Star Wars content you’re comfortable with somehow, an upstairs/downstairs, TiVo when younger one is napping, etc. That is unless you’re planning to pop her in a bubble. My daughter (recently mentioned here on Dad-o-Matic as willing to sell her mom’s gold to buy a toy) has gotten “into” Star Wars because all her friends at school are seeing it. And though i’m sure some of these young gentlemen also are exhibiting the aggressive behavior you saw in your son, just keeping her from watching it in the house could make her daily life with her friends harder.

By: Bobbie Carlton

Bobbie Carlton — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:03:29 +0000

We have a weird twist on this situation. Older son flipped when he saw the first 10 minutes of ET when stuck at school during a snowstorm — traumatized, couldn’t sleep, scared to death. Five year younger son could sit calmly through ANYTHING. No biggee. They actually meshed pretty well in what is “appropriate” for them. However, now older son is pushing to watch things that little brother shouldn’t be watching — more “language” stuff — specifically Monty Python. So we’ve had to institute separate viewing “screens.” And keep reminding older kid that his little brother looks up to him and he should be watching his mouth anyway!

By: Iris Carter

Iris Carter — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:49:26 +0000

You certainly aren’t guilty of wrong-doing. We never know how kids will react to things. Your daughter needs to be brought into the equation by explaining her responsibility as an older sibling and looking out for little brother’s best interest. Also, be sure you sit with the younger child and watch for body language or other indicators that he is afraid or misunderstanding something. Explain as you watch with him.
When I was about 3 years old, I was terrified of anything that flew. Whether it was a plane, butterfly or a bird, I’d point nad scream “bird, bird” and duck for cover. Then dad wanted to go to the theatre to see the newly released Hitchcock film “The Birds.” Mom thought he was crazy for wanting to take my sister (six years older) and I but they did. I actually remember seeing the movie. I never was afraid of birds again – go figure. Kids are definately unpredictable.

By: Rupert

Rupert — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:48:31 +0000

I think an even more important post would be one about what Bill Romer talked about (7th comment down). He said:
“Our current HUGE problem is our sonâ€™s friends (theyâ€™re all about 9-11 years old) playing mature video games in their own homes, and our son watching/playing with them. Many of these homes have unrestricted access to multiple gaming systems, mature games, and unrestricted internet access!! We canâ€™t keep our son in a cave, but what are parents to do??!!!”
My sister has stopped her 5 year old son visiting some people’s houses because of this – which has meant that they stop seeing those friends altogether. Is there’s some kind of socially acceptable way of discussing this with people? When you do, criticism of their parenting seems implicit…

By: Steve Ames

Steve Ames — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:48:07 +0000

Chris, you need someone to do analysis on these responses… assessment.
Steve

By: Dawn

Dawn — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:43:24 +0000

I have a 5 yr old and a 9 yr old, and am having similar issues. My 5 yr old has all but abandoned “kiddie” shows and wants to watch the preteen shows that her brother watches – e.g. iCarly or shows on Cartoon Network that are not for 5 yr olds. I have not found a great solution at the moment. If they sit down together to watch tv, the older one inevitably takes control of the remote. I like the suggestion of each having their own time to watch tv and the other one do something else, but the truth is, they like to be together. So, we tend to watch the Food Network, Animal Planet, or American Idol as a family and not much else! Of course, if there was a movie he really wanted to see and it was too old for her, I’d just take him separately.

By: Andrew Thorn

Andrew Thorn — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:41:21 +0000

Hi Chris – I use to enjoy watching Beevis and Butthead until my daughter, who was two at the time started walking through the house laughing like Beevis. Then I started only watching when she wasn’t around. Soon I began wondering why I cared and then realized that Beevis and Butthead were juvenile delinquents and I did not want her ending up like them. Soon I realized that if it was not good for her, then it probably was not good for me.

Fast forward nearly twenty years and I am not a father of 7 children all with the same wife. We have learned that we must be careful with our TV viewing habits. We have a daughter who is 19 and one who is 2. We can’t let them watch the same shows, and we still monitor what our 19 year old watches because we monitor what we watch.

Garbage in = garbage out.

By: Brad P. from NJ

Brad P. from NJ — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:39:32 +0000

We’ve got a 16yo, 10yo, and 5yo in the house. It’s a real difficulty with the 10 and 5yos. It’s hard to find that balance.

We’ve watched a lot of other science fiction, and other media… it’s meant pre-watching a lot of stuff for the kids. The problem is that there’s no magic bullet. Letting the older child watch something while keeping the young ones busy with something is just so frakkin’ hard some times. Even though the content winds them up, and they get scared, they younger ones are drawn, much like the zombies they fear, to the big screen in the living room.

We’ve watched some other BBC shows with them all… “safer” Doctor Who episodes, Men in Black, The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen, Older 80s SciFi like The Last Starfighter, ET, Original Star Treks. Some of the darker elements of Star Wars aren’t as prevelant in the other movies I mentioned here, and can give a kid who’s ready for some heavier good content what she wants, while keeping the younger kids safe.

By: Linda

Linda — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:39:25 +0000

That reminds me that when my son saw the first Batman at age 6 or 7, he had nightmares for a long time. When I let my daughter watch “Thirteen” when she was 13, she hated it and became confused.

Each time, I ended up feeling like we scarred them for life. But we continued to let them make their own choices on what to watch (within reason, of course) and talked about them afterwards.

They are both normal, healthy, and happy teens now and no longer have any issues. This may not answer anything for you but just wanted to share my experience…

By: Kevin

Kevin — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:37:36 +0000

Continue to be an observer of your three year old but step back from the intensity of Star Wars. I’d stick with something they both can enjoy and save Star Wars for special times with your daughter. What other shows with real actors performing a story does he watch and do okay with?

I introduced things like Lassie and Flipper from my childhood which placed characters in real life precarious situations and observed how they did. I eventually moved to Lost in Space as something less sophisticated to start with in a scifi genre but I watched my three yr old at the beginning like a hawk to see how she would adjust to the experience.

I tried to think of what I liked at the earliest possible age and start there. I know it’s 2009 and all but there is so much kids can enjoy from the past that to bypass it for the more intense new stuff is precarious and frankly, unnecessary.

By: Lary Stucker

Lary Stucker — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:36:57 +0000

Delay until they are age appropriate.

Have Grandma babbysit the younger kids and make a special deal out of the older one watching Star Wars with you. It will make the experience more memoriable for him/her.

There are also “Star wars” franchise games and movies that are geared toward a younger audience, such as the Star Wars Lego games and galactic heros.

How old were you when you saw the first three Star Wars movies?