My wife and I have five children. None are adopted, none are from other marriages, none are the products of multiple births. Just five kids, each born separately to us over the space of about 13 years.

In the time and place where I grew up (suburban Cleveland in the 1970s and 80s), this would have made us wholly unremarkable. Families of five, six, seven or more children were as common as sparrows in my neighborhood. Most of my friends got their clothes from older brothers, or else they were the ones passing t-shirts and jeans down the line to younger siblings once they grew out of them.

Nowadays, however, being a father of five puts me in something of a shrinking demographic. You just don’t see large families anymore, and I suppose there is any number of reasons for that. Oh sure, you hear about the Duggars and their 18 kids every once in awhile, and I know people who make a point never to miss an episode of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” on TLC. But those are freaky exceptions in what has increasingly become a world of one- and two-child families.

There’s a lot to love about having five children, not the least of which are the chaotic living room wrestling matches and the hilarious dinner table conversations as the kids get older. And as you might imagine, the challenges are pretty numerous, too. (No one told me having kids was going to be this expensive…)

We’re not in the same league as the Duggars or the Gosselins or even my wife’s cousins, who have 10 kids, including four they adopted from Liberia. But we’re still enough of a novelty in 21^st-century America to attract curious stares in restaurants and to be asked the same questions over and over.

Here, then, is a list of the things people tend to ask whenever they find out we have five children at home, followed by my/our typical answers:
 

Five kids?!? Are you crazy?
Yeah, probably.

You do know what causes that, don’t you?
Yes, sex with my wife. Lots and lots of awesome sex with my wife.

How do you do it? I’m fried at the end of the day and I only have one.
OK, first off, never say you “only” have one like it’s a bad thing. It’s an awesome thing to have a child, and you’re understandably exhausted by the work involved. Just because I have five does not in any way make me a better parent than anyone else. If you had chosen to have five, you’d be doing the same things my wife and I do, and you may be doing them better than us. We’re by no means superheroes, but what we are, no doubt, is blessed.

What age range are your kids? Boys or girls?
We have three girls and two boys: Elissa is (almost) 15, Chloe is 12, Jared is 10, Melanie is 8, and little Jack just turned 3.

Do the older ones take care of the younger ones?
Sure, just like in any family where there’s a sizeable gap between the oldest and youngest. Our 12-year-old, especially, is like a second mom to the younger ones.

How do you make sure you spend enough “alone time” with each child?
Ah, there you’ve hit on what is to me the single biggest challenge to having a large family: Paying attention to every kid and making them feel unique/special. The only way to do it, I’ve found, is to make it a priority. I do one-on-one things with each of my kids all the time, which of course means I’ve had to let go of personal activities I used to enjoy like marathon running (too time-consuming) and reading (ditto). I don’t say that to make myself out to be a martyr or anything, because I’m not. That’s just the sort of thing we as fathers do for our kids, with no expectation that anyone is going to pat us on the back for it. And besides, I figure you only get one, brief shot at this parenting thing, and I really don’t want to screw it up.

Aren’t you concerned about overpopulation and draining the planet’s resources unnecessarily with a big family?
Another great question, and one to which I can only plead ignorance. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve really become aware of the dangers of overpopulation. I was blissfully ignorant in the years when we were having kids. Would we have changed our mind about having five had we known more about overpopulation earlier? Hmmmm, that’s a tough one. I don’t know, and I don’t even like to think about it because that’s like telling my younger ones, “Oops, you guys were mistakes! Had we been more well-informed, we probably wouldn’t have had you.” In any event, however much of a drain we are on world resources, I continually try to counteract that by raising my children to be people who, as adults, will have a significant positive impact on society.

Do you have a nanny or daycare provider for your kids?
No, actually, we’ve never had either one. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom since our second was born, and it has been a great help for us. Logistically, we rarely have problems getting the kids to their various activities, and when we do, all of the grandparents live less than 10 minutes away and are always willing to help.

Did you ever think about having any more?
Nope. After Jack was born, my wife and I just kind of instinctively knew that this was it. It certainly doesn’t help that we’re both pushing 40…having babies is a young person’s game, as far as I’m concerned! But we’re more than content with the five God has given us. And now that our oldest two are entering their teenage years, I’m guessing we’re going to be even more committed to our decision to stop!

 

By the way, as you might imagine, there are some great Web resources for people with – or those interested in having – large families. Two of the best are http://www.lotsofkids.com/ and the excellent “Large Families FAQ.”