As I walked out of the gym this morning, I passed a woman walking 15-20 feet in front of her toddler. He was young, probably 2 1/2 at most. He had a pacifier in his mouth and he was happily distracted by some flowers. The Mother turned and said: “Hurry up! Your going to make me late for Miss Debbie’s class again.” My head instantly filled with judgmental comments.

“Really? It’s his fault? He’s 2-years-old. How is it HIS fault that you’re late to YOUR spin class? Hold yourself accountable. Why are you teaching him to blame others for his actions? Why would you lay that kind of guilt on him?”

Of course, I said nothing to her. In the scope of careless words that come out of parents mouths, this is certainly on the tame side. Besides, I have no idea what took place in her morning. I have no idea what struggles she might be going through. I’ve had my share of bad mornings and I know I’ve said equally thoughtless things to my children in the past. So, I’m certainly not about to judge this frantic Mom.

I’m going to judge myself instead.

It has taken me a long time to write my first post here at Dad-o-Matic. I’ve wanted a place to write about being a dad for a long time. This is certainly the right place. But I’ve been struggling with finding the right voice for this right place. I think I’ve found it.

I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to talk to myself in the posts I write here on Dad-o-Matic. I’m going to judge myself harshly. I’m going to question my decisions and wonder aloud about the choices I make with my kids. If my voice sounds like yours, then perhaps we can help each other. If it doesn’t, perhaps you can help me.

What’s in my head.

Why is it so easy to see the mistakes other parents are making with their children, and so hard to see the mistakes I’m making with my own children? In the moment, why can’t I pause and judge my potential actions with the same degree of clarity that I had as this woman passed by? What can I do to be better?

I can try harder. I can take longer breaths before I open my mouth. I can hear myself before speaking. I can feel the impact of my words in the same way I felt the impact of, “you’re going to make me late.”

And I can be quicker to apologize when I’ve made a mistake. Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to make a few more mistakes. Maybe even as I pass a stranger at the gym.