If you are reading this, there is a good chance you have kids.  If you have kids, there is a good chance you have had to take your kids with you on an airplane trip. If you don’t have kids, if you ever fly on commercial airlines there is still a good chance you have flown with kids, even if those kids were not yours.  As any frequent flyer can dutifully recite by rote, every flight begins with an admonishment to “…look around you to see where the nearest emergency exit is. Please note that the nearest exit may be behind you…”  On a recent flight I took from New York back to Fort Lauderdale a far more useful warning to me might have been, “…look around you to see where the nearest WILD AND CRAZY, SLEEP DEPRIVED, SUGAR CRAZED CHILDREN are, and please note that they MIGHT BE IN THE SEAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!”

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

With three kids now well past the ages of being able to travel alone, I do know firsthand how exhausting and frustrating it can be to travel with young children.  I can only imagine how those stresses are compounded today by our heightened security procedures, early check in times, long lines, baggage restrictions, shoe removal, liquid limitations, etc.  With that in mind, when I travel (which is a lot) and encounter the shrieks and cries of an over-tired toddler, I typically tune them out and endure, offering the glaze-eyed, weary parent a knowing smile of encouragement that says, “yes, I have walked in your shoes… I feel your pain — I wish I didn’t have to listen to your pain for the next three hours, but I feel it, nonetheless…”

SONYA THE SILLY & AVNER THE ADVENTURER

On this particular flight I was seated toward the back of the plane, and in the row directly in front of me was a young father with two young, very wide awake, very active and agile young kids.  Their mother was seated in the aisle across from them, already completely disengaged, wearing headphones, staring blankly at the complimentary JetBlue TV screen, while mindlessly munching on bags of store bought popcorn and potato chips.  Clearly, NOTHING was going to distract her from her few moments of near catatonic bliss.  Little Avner had climbed up on the armrests, straddling the aisle with one leg on Mom’s armrest and the other on Dad’s, raising his fists in the air and screaming unintelligible toddler speak with the blind enthusiasm of Leonardo DiCaprio proudly screaming “I’m the King of the World” from the bowsprit of the Titanic!  Avner’s sister, Sonya, was standing on the armrests of her chair, facing my row, interrogating us from over the top of her seat like an irritating and nosey neighbor violating the protective privacy of the back yard picket fence.  She was adorable… but incessant.  Dad, meanwhile, alternated between forcibly dragging each of them back into their proper seats.  Somehow, he managed to restrain them long enough for the plane to disembark without violating any FAA regulations regarding placement of passengers at take-off…

BITING MY TONGUE

Long before we hit cruising altitude the kids were up and cruising the aisles and armrests again.  Dad’s yanking of Avner’s little arms to extract him from his various armrest adventures were getting increasingly violent, and the occasional curse and verbal threat leaked forth from his tightly pursed parental lips.  I was starting to get a bit uncomfortable watching this desperate Dad and were it not for the disarming effect of Sonya’s continual annoying yet adorable poking, prodding and questioning of me and my seatmates about everything, I might have given Dad a “piece of my mind” about how he was handling (or seemingly mishandling) his kids.  Then Mom and Dad disappeared to the back of the plane, leaving their kinetic kids in the care of the economy class.  As they flailed and fell about, climbing and cackling and turning ROW 23 into an airborne bounce house, I had no choice but to laugh as I did my best to prevent banged heads and broken bones.

SMOOTH LANDING

By the time Mom and Dad returned, both kids had climbed over into my row, and were standing on my knees, trying to steal an aged stuffed bunny from the teenage solo traveler in the window seat (that this young adult woman was flying clutching her bunny, “Clover,” is another story for another day…).  I don’t know if it was alcohol, Valium, or a chance to just stretch their legs and breathe, but when Mom and Dad returned they were much more relaxed and engaged us all in conversation about their kids and the challenges of their traveling adventures.  They turned out to be a sweet and loving couple (with really smart and funny kids) who had just had a really long day, starting their journey with a drive from Montreal to NY before the flight to Florida.  I was glad that I had not said anything negative that I might have regretted, for if I am honest with myself, I am sure I must have been “that dad” at one time or another.   Although we all left the plane as friends, I was quick to decline their offer to let us “babysit” for Avner and Sonya sometime…

How about you?  Have you had some flying adventures with your kids (or other people’s kids) that you’d like to share.  What do you do to contain “enthusiastic” youngsters when on a plane?  Please share your stories and tips in the comments!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.