LIAR.  It is a four letter word that can be far more hurtful than other familiar expletives. This is especially true when the liar in question is someone you love dearly and completely.  As parents we spend our lives hoping to instill in our children a sense of truth, trust and responsibility.  We teach them right from wrong, good from bad, love from hate.  More than anything we want them to grow up to become good people, and good people don’t lie.  Good people are trustworthy.

Kids Will Be Kids, But Is That An Excuse?

This week one of my kids was caught in a lie, a bad one.  Granted it wasn’t something life threatening or irreparable, and some might argue that it it was the kind of thing that “kids do” (especially teenagers and young adults). I’d argue that the activities and behavior that were lied about may be “typical” of the age and times, but for me that does not excuse the lying.  For me, nothing excuses a breach of trust.  For me, losing that trust in my child was a very painful slap in the face.

It Is Broken, Now Fix It!

As a parent, it is relatively easy to devise ways to punish our kids for bad behavior.  From “time outs” to “grounding” to docking allowance and temporarily restricting various privileges we have an arsenal of punitive parental ploys at our disposal.  However, there is no punishment I am aware of that in and of itself will restore my faith and trust.  That is something only my child can do on their own behalf.  That is something my child will have to work hard at, over time, for trust is not something one can restore with a single action, like the wave of a magical wand.  Trust must be earned, and regaining lost trust is even harder than earning it in the first place.

Perhaps that is why lying, exposed, is so painful.

What do you think?  How important is your ability to trust the words of your children.  What are the best ways for a child to regain their parent’s trust?  I know that time is on my side, and in the end my unwavering love for my child will make it all ok in the long run, but right now it is not the truth that hurts, it is the lie.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab.

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