If you have been reading the articles I have written for Dad-O-Matic over the past 5 months or so you may have gleaned that I am divorced and that my three kids, who are now 20, 18 and 17, live with me.  I am not sure I have ever directly stated that in my writing, but the hints are there.  Perhaps I never stated it outright because even after 7 years, part of me feels guilty that we were unable to provide our kids with the perfect two parent household we imagined as the only eventuality when we walked down the aisle.

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

Divorce is not really funny.  In fact it is really difficult, stressful, painful, and if you have children, incredibly full of guilt and wild emotion.  It is without question the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Life, however, is full of complication, challenges and surprises, and we learn and grow from all of them, divorce included.  While divorce may not be funny, I am pleased to say that divorcees can indeed retain their sense of humor, as evidenced by this email I recently received from my ex-wife, Lorraine (re-printed with permission):

Hi

Was reading your Sassholes/Dad O Matic blogs.  Sometimes I read them to catch up on the kids.  Nice pix of Zachary at his restaurant. I am filing a grievance. EVERYBODY gets a plug on your blogs; Zachary, Ethan, Olivia, your Mom and Dad, Grandpa, Opa, Oma (she liked me!), Alex (a/k/a daughter’s boyfriend) Sue, Emeril, even the Popeil Fisherman. People reading your blogs would think that all three kids were adopted or that you gave birth to them yourself.  There’s a blog on Dad o Matic about divorce but it doesn’t have your name on it.  Seriously, you have pix of you and the boys at Halloween….who took the picture? You became a vegetarian because of who?; you told people ‘there’s no meat in cookies’ at a vegetarian seminar in Nyack that someone signed up for; who bought the spinning dresses? I’ve been obliterated from all memory. A good portion of your subject matter occurred during our marriage. I don’t believe there’s even a ‘we’ when referring to raising ‘your’ children.  I helped raise them too. I demand an honorable mention! I’ll settle for mean and revenge-full if I have to! Or even a heart-wrenching story about how I died in childbirth. Your next blog should be about the time you drove yourself to Mount Sinai Hospital in the middle of the night at 90 miles an hour while you were in labor.

Of course, Lorraine is right… I did not drive myself to the hospital when I was in labor… she was there with me!  But seriously folks… it takes two to get divorced and it takes two to bring children into this world.  Even though too many of us may end up apart from the other parent of our children, it does not, and should not, diminish their role, or their importance.  My wonderful kids have two wonderful parents, and I am grateful for them, and that.  While our marriage may not have lasted, it resulted in three very special people that we are both extremely proud of (and who, for better of worse, have all inherited their parents’ sense of humor!)

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

Photo Credit: © Lotfi Mattou – Fotolia.com

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