I don’t know about you, but the older I get the harder it is for me to keep my mouth shut.  It seems I have an opinion about everything and I almost always feel compelled to share it.  I may be able to chalk it up to being older and wiser, but it still doesn’t mean it is a good thing, so one of my goals for 2009 is to learn how to bite my tongue.
LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES
As a parent, I am realizing that I also need to learn to bite my tongue, especially as my kids grow older.  As parents we are natural born protectors and want everything to be just right for our kids.  But sometimes, even though we have the knowledge and experience to know what is coming and see a mistake our kids are about to make before they make it, we would be serving them better to bite our tongues and let them go ahead and make the error.  As long as it doesn’t involve anyone’s safety, or harm to person or property, letting our kids make mistakes is a good idea.  Yes, we have “been there,” and “done that,” so we know exactly what the outcome is going to be, but sometimes if we don’t resist the urge to step in and “save them” our kids won’t have the chance to gain that experience themselves.  Let them make the mistake and they will learn from that experience in a way that will be far more impactful than us telling them what would have happened.
SITTING ON MY HANDS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT
I was reminded of this when taking my daughter, who has her learner’s permit, for a drive.  We started out with me talking non-stop.  “Okay, signal your turn… now look.  Did you look?  You’re a little too close to that car ahead of us..  You’re going a little too fast.  What’s the speed limit?  You want to change lanes now…”  It is no wonder she finally put me in my place.
“Dad, be quiet already.  YOU are making me nervous.”
And she was right.  My constant corrections were more likely to cause a fender bender than her burgeoning driving skills.  So I bit my tongue.  And when I saw she was about to make a turn way too wide, I looked ahead, and seeing no cars coming at us, I bit my tongue again, and let her make the bad turn, ending up on the wrong side of the two way lane.
“That was bad.” she said.  “Yes, it was,” I agreed.  But now she knew what it felt like to turn too wide, and the rest of the ride her turns were perfect.
How about you?  Do you let your kids make mistakes, or am I making a mistake suggesting that you do?  Don’t bite your tongue just yet and share your opinion in the comments below.
Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17). He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast. You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.
Photo Credit © Irina Opachevsky – Fotolia.com
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Could not agree more Jeff.
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Could not agree more Jeff.
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Oh my gosh, this is a serious flashback to my mother’s attempts to teach me to drive. She finally had to turn me over the my stepdad because I made her too nervous. As I recall, it cut both ways!
And as much as I swore I wasn’t going to do that to my kids, I still find myself letting loose with the occasional play-by-play on how the guys should do something. This had particularly tragic results with my 5-year-old, who got his first Tee Ball bat and glove Friday and thinks he’s ready to play for the Cincinnati Reds. Hmm … now that I think of it, he might be.
But the bottom line: Did he learn how to use the glove with my careful “coaching”? Oh, heck no. He learned by repeated throwing the ball into the air and catching it, asking for help when he wanted. The same way I learned.
Good reminder, Jeff!
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Oh my gosh, this is a serious flashback to my mother’s attempts to teach me to drive. She finally had to turn me over the my stepdad because I made her too nervous. As I recall, it cut both ways!
And as much as I swore I wasn’t going to do that to my kids, I still find myself letting loose with the occasional play-by-play on how the guys should do something. This had particularly tragic results with my 5-year-old, who got his first Tee Ball bat and glove Friday and thinks he’s ready to play for the Cincinnati Reds. Hmm … now that I think of it, he might be.
But the bottom line: Did he learn how to use the glove with my careful “coaching”? Oh, heck no. He learned by repeated throwing the ball into the air and catching it, asking for help when he wanted. The same way I learned.
Good reminder, Jeff!
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Very well said, Jeff, and something I struggle with daily. It’s so hard to let them make their own mistakes, especially when you don’t want to see them hurt or struggling, but really, that’s how they learn best. Like you said, if there’s no danger to life, limb or property, it’s best to let the natural learning happen.
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Very well said, Jeff, and something I struggle with daily. It’s so hard to let them make their own mistakes, especially when you don’t want to see them hurt or struggling, but really, that’s how they learn best. Like you said, if there’s no danger to life, limb or property, it’s best to let the natural learning happen.