What do people do when you have an older kid and a younger kid in the house, and the older kid wants to consume media that messes with the younger kid? That’s the issue at hand in the Star Wars Dilemma. I’m wondering if you’ve had this happen at your house.
My daughter is 6.5 years old. My son is going to be 3 in a few weeks. My daughter was allowed to watch Star Wars: Clone Wars, and then once we determined that she wasn’t scared for life, we let her watch Star Wars Episode 1 and Star Wars Episode 4.
She loved them. She had a great time. She’s totally into Star Wars.
My little guy, who’ll be 3 in a few weeks, watched it all, too. Well, his response was to get violent, to have horrible nightmares, to get really crabby and generally to shift from being our son into being this angry little man.
Whoops.
We stopped Star Wars right away and then pow, he was back to normal. I feel terrible about that. I didn’t realize it was having a very negative impact, but it was clearly connected to his behavior.
I get it. I understand the experiences. But here’s the question:
What do I do for my daughter, who wants to enjoy this content, who is appreciative and reacting well to the content, and who is now feeling shackled by her little brother?
How do you approach this?
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My son is nearly 3 and he watched Star Wars for the first time last week. He loved it… no nightmares or anything.
I think if it were reversed – a 3-year-old daughter there would be more of an issue but boys are different. Light savers and crazy looking creatures are right up their alley.
Seriously though… it’s hard… but that what makes young children of older siblings so cool/smart – they are exposed to more, more often.
Good luck!
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My son is nearly 3 and he watched Star Wars for the first time last week. He loved it… no nightmares or anything.
I think if it were reversed – a 3-year-old daughter there would be more of an issue but boys are different. Light savers and crazy looking creatures are right up their alley.
Seriously though… it’s hard… but that what makes young children of older siblings so cool/smart – they are exposed to more, more often.
Good luck!
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Ummm, let your older child watch it, and tell the younger he is going to have to wait. Works for my kids, they complain, but they get it.
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Ummm, let your older child watch it, and tell the younger he is going to have to wait. Works for my kids, they complain, but they get it.
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Ah, good thing you caught him…he was going over to “the dark side of the force.” And we know where that leads…
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Ah, good thing you caught him…he was going over to “the dark side of the force.” And we know where that leads…
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get each child a dvd player ? Only one movie a day .
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get each child a dvd player ? Only one movie a day .
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Set up “special” times for your kids, where they are in charge of the TV for a specific amount of time. Meanwhile, the other kid has to be somewhere else doing something different…lots of choices here. Maybe one parent takes the boy to a playground while the other stays with the girl. Or maybe the girl plays in her room or over a friend’s house.
Do what works for your kids…you know them better than I do π
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Set up “special” times for your kids, where they are in charge of the TV for a specific amount of time. Meanwhile, the other kid has to be somewhere else doing something different…lots of choices here. Maybe one parent takes the boy to a playground while the other stays with the girl. Or maybe the girl plays in her room or over a friend’s house.
Do what works for your kids…you know them better than I do π
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We’ve had this problem with our 11 and 6 year olds. At this point, we have let both watch all of the Star Wars episodes except Revenge of the Sith.
Our oldest gets to see some PG-13 movies either when his brother is not home (Mom will take him out on a “date”), or after his younger brother has been put to bed.
Sometimes it means he doesn’t get to see the movies he wants, when he wants to, but that’s just part of being in a family.
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We’ve had this problem with our 11 and 6 year olds. At this point, we have let both watch all of the Star Wars episodes except Revenge of the Sith.
Our oldest gets to see some PG-13 movies either when his brother is not home (Mom will take him out on a “date”), or after his younger brother has been put to bed.
Sometimes it means he doesn’t get to see the movies he wants, when he wants to, but that’s just part of being in a family.
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We have 4 kids and watch those kinds of things together, and haven’t had a problem.
Our current HUGE problem is our son’s friends (they’re all about 9-11 years old) playing mature video games in their own homes, and our son watching/playing with them. Many of these homes have unrestricted access to multiple gaming systems, mature games, and unrestricted internet access!! We can’t keep our son in a cave, but what are parents to do??!!!
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We have 4 kids and watch those kinds of things together, and haven’t had a problem.
Our current HUGE problem is our son’s friends (they’re all about 9-11 years old) playing mature video games in their own homes, and our son watching/playing with them. Many of these homes have unrestricted access to multiple gaming systems, mature games, and unrestricted internet access!! We can’t keep our son in a cave, but what are parents to do??!!!
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We have almost the same age spread — 5.5 and 3.5 — and there are two things that keep us from having a similar problem.
1. The younger child still takes a nap and occasionally goes to bed earlier, leaving a window for the older one to watch “older” shows.
2. The older child is the one who has nightmares, so he’s stayed away from scary stuff that’s likely to cause them since “Monster House” gave him problems about six months back.
My concern is not so much nightmares as attitude. I started to severely limit shows like “Jimmy Neutron” after the 3-year-old started developing a mouth way too sassy for his age. I’d already banned that particular show once, after the older one started calling people “losers.”
The key, though, is to limit it without letting them know I’m limiting it. “Let’s bake cookies or play soccer or …” instead.
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We have almost the same age spread — 5.5 and 3.5 — and there are two things that keep us from having a similar problem.
1. The younger child still takes a nap and occasionally goes to bed earlier, leaving a window for the older one to watch “older” shows.
2. The older child is the one who has nightmares, so he’s stayed away from scary stuff that’s likely to cause them since “Monster House” gave him problems about six months back.
My concern is not so much nightmares as attitude. I started to severely limit shows like “Jimmy Neutron” after the 3-year-old started developing a mouth way too sassy for his age. I’d already banned that particular show once, after the older one started calling people “losers.”
The key, though, is to limit it without letting them know I’m limiting it. “Let’s bake cookies or play soccer or …” instead.
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Perhaps you and your wife can set up “dates” with each child on the same day. You and your daughter can use your time to watch Star Wars. And your wife and son can do another activity that suits him.
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Perhaps you and your wife can set up “dates” with each child on the same day. You and your daughter can use your time to watch Star Wars. And your wife and son can do another activity that suits him.
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I hear ya Chris. The younger ones either end up seeing the scary stuff and that causes problems or they seem to skip part of their childhood and miss out on the entertainment the older ones got a chance to enjoy when they were younger. I’ve got 50 dusty Disney animated movies in a closet at home to prove it.
Your two are probably far apart enough in ages to have a staggered bedtime. I would make that time just after the 3 year olds bedtime her special “only her” time which would allow you to slot in some Star Wars entertainment on occasion.
Just my two cents from a Dad who’s been there 10 years ago (man, starting to feel old)
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I hear ya Chris. The younger ones either end up seeing the scary stuff and that causes problems or they seem to skip part of their childhood and miss out on the entertainment the older ones got a chance to enjoy when they were younger. I’ve got 50 dusty Disney animated movies in a closet at home to prove it.
Your two are probably far apart enough in ages to have a staggered bedtime. I would make that time just after the 3 year olds bedtime her special “only her” time which would allow you to slot in some Star Wars entertainment on occasion.
Just my two cents from a Dad who’s been there 10 years ago (man, starting to feel old)
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Wow, Chris. Having screwed up three boys, the best I could give you would be to see if there’s a way to involve her in the answer. Help her see the difference in her little brother and the “why” behind it. Then, ask her. Yeah, I know, at 6.5 she’s not completely logical, but she will have insight that you don’t, and once she sees what’s happening to her little brother, she might want to help him.
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Wow, Chris. Having screwed up three boys, the best I could give you would be to see if there’s a way to involve her in the answer. Help her see the difference in her little brother and the “why” behind it. Then, ask her. Yeah, I know, at 6.5 she’s not completely logical, but she will have insight that you don’t, and once she sees what’s happening to her little brother, she might want to help him.
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Several possibilities. Watch while he is napping, at a playdate, doing another activity with the other parent. Explain to your daughter that while she enjoys the shows her little brother doesn’t and she can watch it but will need to do so when he is otherwise occupied.
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Several possibilities. Watch while he is napping, at a playdate, doing another activity with the other parent. Explain to your daughter that while she enjoys the shows her little brother doesn’t and she can watch it but will need to do so when he is otherwise occupied.
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I had the same issue with my two kids. I downloaded (I mean purchased) the animated series of Star Wars. Much less violent and they aren’t real people so it seemed to sit better with my younger kid. It was also an excuse to buy a lot of Star Wars legos which everyone enjoyed.
Good luck.
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I had the same issue with my two kids. I downloaded (I mean purchased) the animated series of Star Wars. Much less violent and they aren’t real people so it seemed to sit better with my younger kid. It was also an excuse to buy a lot of Star Wars legos which everyone enjoyed.
Good luck.
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Hi There – What we do here, and always has, is that the older one, does benefit from her age being older than the younger one, so she goes to bed later than the younger one, and we watch those movies the younger one can’t watch. We enjoy ‘the big child’ time, as well as the ” youngest child time” – And children are different, one child might never get nightmares, the other one always π Hope you get some good movies together with your daughter, and some good play time with your youngest./Anja
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Hi There – What we do here, and always has, is that the older one, does benefit from her age being older than the younger one, so she goes to bed later than the younger one, and we watch those movies the younger one can’t watch. We enjoy ‘the big child’ time, as well as the ” youngest child time” – And children are different, one child might never get nightmares, the other one always π Hope you get some good movies together with your daughter, and some good play time with your youngest./Anja
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This happened to my brother and I with He-Man. I loved the show (I’m four yrs older) and it made him very violent and he started punching people.
Luckily my grandparents lived next door so my mom would distract him and I would sneak down to their house to watch the show for a year until he was older.
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This happened to my brother and I with He-Man. I loved the show (I’m four yrs older) and it made him very violent and he started punching people.
Luckily my grandparents lived next door so my mom would distract him and I would sneak down to their house to watch the show for a year until he was older.
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Since sister is a little older, there may be a down time (nap, play date) he attends that she does not. This is the perfect time to allow big sis to watch what she likes.
Another thing you could do – although it requires more time, is to create a situation where she can watch Star Wars while you or mom spent some one-on-one time with baby brother playing a game or watching a movie that he enjoys in another room.
I run into this problem on a daily basis with my boys. Good Luck!
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Since sister is a little older, there may be a down time (nap, play date) he attends that she does not. This is the perfect time to allow big sis to watch what she likes.
Another thing you could do – although it requires more time, is to create a situation where she can watch Star Wars while you or mom spent some one-on-one time with baby brother playing a game or watching a movie that he enjoys in another room.
I run into this problem on a daily basis with my boys. Good Luck!
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I have to say the “each child their own dvd” is a patently bad solution in my opinion. TV should be a social experience. We have many studies that show having a kid with their own TV, computer, DVD player etc… messes with the development of those children.
The solutions should be something that’s family based, fair (which is not necessary equal but equitable) and something that gives the children involved the skills to apply for the future rather than saying. “You each can have your own.”
Sharing and knowing who has the spotlight in a family situation is a reality outside of the family as well.
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I have to say the “each child their own dvd” is a patently bad solution in my opinion. TV should be a social experience. We have many studies that show having a kid with their own TV, computer, DVD player etc… messes with the development of those children.
The solutions should be something that’s family based, fair (which is not necessary equal but equitable) and something that gives the children involved the skills to apply for the future rather than saying. “You each can have your own.”
Sharing and knowing who has the spotlight in a family situation is a reality outside of the family as well.
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I’m the oldest of three and for the most part my younger sisters were allowed to watch the things I watched. I think the issue here is that your son wasn’t able to understand the difference between reality and fantasy. That’s where you come in. Explain to him that this is for entertainment and (unfortunately) Jedis aren’t real. Maybe showing a behind the scenes feature will do this – show him how the creatures and vfx are made. Your daughter is old enough to understand this and know that violence isn’t tolerated and scary creatures really don’t exist. Good luck!
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I’m the oldest of three and for the most part my younger sisters were allowed to watch the things I watched. I think the issue here is that your son wasn’t able to understand the difference between reality and fantasy. That’s where you come in. Explain to him that this is for entertainment and (unfortunately) Jedis aren’t real. Maybe showing a behind the scenes feature will do this – show him how the creatures and vfx are made. Your daughter is old enough to understand this and know that violence isn’t tolerated and scary creatures really don’t exist. Good luck!
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Our 5-year-old loves his “special Daddy time” when he gets to stay up past his bedtime to watch favorite shows with his dad (or both of us, when I’m not working). Can your daughter stay up late on Friday or Saturday night… do her bedtime routine as usual so your son won’t get jealous, then let her come downstairs once he’s asleep?
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Our 5-year-old loves his “special Daddy time” when he gets to stay up past his bedtime to watch favorite shows with his dad (or both of us, when I’m not working). Can your daughter stay up late on Friday or Saturday night… do her bedtime routine as usual so your son won’t get jealous, then let her come downstairs once he’s asleep?
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I think the best is to let her watch on her own then and the little guy can see it later when he understands better and won’t get worked up anymore π
I understand maybe you want them to do things together so animated movies like Ice Age and Finding Nemo and Ratatouille etc is maybe more suitable at this stage…?
getting them started early on the geekiness is really cool π
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I think the best is to let her watch on her own then and the little guy can see it later when he understands better and won’t get worked up anymore π
I understand maybe you want them to do things together so animated movies like Ice Age and Finding Nemo and Ratatouille etc is maybe more suitable at this stage…?
getting them started early on the geekiness is really cool π
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I have the same problem. Two sons – one eight years older than the other. HUGE gap in what is acceptable and what they are able to accept. My older may watch things approved by moi, but I engage the younger one in another activity. But I have also told the younger one, your brother is watching something that is not appropriate for you to watch, find something else to occupy your time.
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I have the same problem. Two sons – one eight years older than the other. HUGE gap in what is acceptable and what they are able to accept. My older may watch things approved by moi, but I engage the younger one in another activity. But I have also told the younger one, your brother is watching something that is not appropriate for you to watch, find something else to occupy your time.
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Find ways of occupying your son elsewhere in another room or something. I remember my parents’ solution was to let me watch Jurassic Park in bits and pieces when I was just barely old enough to in the morning before my younger sister woke up.
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Find ways of occupying your son elsewhere in another room or something. I remember my parents’ solution was to let me watch Jurassic Park in bits and pieces when I was just barely old enough to in the morning before my younger sister woke up.
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Honestly? Distract her with something else – at 6.5 she’ll forget about it for awhile till little bro can appreciate it, too.
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Chris,
Very tricky issue, I have two boys (9 & 6) and the younger one completely skipped stuff like Raffi, Thomas the Tank Engine and even Rescue Heroes. Here’s how I would try to handle the specifics of Star Wars. Have something special for the younger one, like the Galactic Heroes figures (which are awesome) and let him watch the Ewoks cartoons on DVD.
It’s going to be tough to explain or even put forth a rational argument to a three year old, so give them something special of their own.
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Honestly? Distract her with something else – at 6.5 she’ll forget about it for awhile till little bro can appreciate it, too.
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Chris,
Very tricky issue, I have two boys (9 & 6) and the younger one completely skipped stuff like Raffi, Thomas the Tank Engine and even Rescue Heroes. Here’s how I would try to handle the specifics of Star Wars. Have something special for the younger one, like the Galactic Heroes figures (which are awesome) and let him watch the Ewoks cartoons on DVD.
It’s going to be tough to explain or even put forth a rational argument to a three year old, so give them something special of their own.
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Yea… I’m not getting the question… I mean, you let your daughter watch it and don’t let your son watch it. Life is not fair. Everything in life is not equal. The sooner children learn that – on an age-appropriate level – the healthier and (surprisingly) happier they’ll be. In fact… our jobs as parents is to actually help our kids learn to be happy in spite of inequality. Give ’em a little practice NOW!
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Yea… I’m not getting the question… I mean, you let your daughter watch it and don’t let your son watch it. Life is not fair. Everything in life is not equal. The sooner children learn that – on an age-appropriate level – the healthier and (surprisingly) happier they’ll be. In fact… our jobs as parents is to actually help our kids learn to be happy in spite of inequality. Give ’em a little practice NOW!