My (almost) nine-year-old Zachary was terribly frustrated doing his homework a few weeks back.
“I’m so mad! I just want to throw something!”
Choices
Now, think. As a parent, what do you say to that?
- It’s ok, honey.
- Calm down. Let’s see what’s the problem?
- Zach, you’re over-reacting! Can you just do your homework quietly?
Marshmallows
My fantastic wife Beth had a different solution:Â Zach was mad. He wanted to throw something. And so we let him.
Beth went to the cupboard and took out a bag of marshmallows. “Here,” she said, “Throw this.”
You should have seen Zachary light up and it put his temporary setback in perspective – a perspective he gained on his own, without any hectoring from us. “Really?! I can throw this?!” Soon after, his rage gave way to laughter and a loving “marshmallow fight” with mom.
The fact that he got to eat the projectile afterward didn’t hurt either.
Long-term effects
I picked up Zach from school the other day. His friend Joseph was coming over for a play date and Michael overheard. “You’re going to Zachary’s house?! You’re lucky. You get to have marshmallow fights!”
Now, that’s a happy ending.
Have any “my child is so mad and this is what I did” stories to share?
Good luck from a fellow dad,
:: Joe Hage ::
Other posts from Joe Hage: Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1
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None of the above…
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Sue, are you saying, “I wouldn’t say any of those things”? What *would* you say? Care to share with us?
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I know it sounds crazy but I’ve never seen my 8 yr. old get mad. Both his mother and I can loose our temper at time, but he’s so even keeled. Am I being set up by Mother Nature? Is it going to come on like a furry? Do I need to brace myself… get a helmet? What if there are only rocks around instead of marshmallows.
My 2 month old gets mad when he can make doo doo. I’m not sure how marshmallows would help.
I’ll definitely remember marshmallows for when either loose in the future.
Great post,
Chris
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Marshmallows…brilliant! Great story, and full of lessons (especially with regards to the residual value)!
I have one (but I DON’T recommend it). My 5 year old daughter was frustrated with her younger brother getting “extra” attention recently. She’s not usually violent, but was prepping to take out her anger by grabbing one of his toys. I said, “how about you take out that frustration on my belly…you can give me all you got…just one swing though!” (like I said…not recommending this). To my surprise/ shugrin she smiled a devious smile and said ..”ok!!” I tightened up, and she delivered a good one. Not sure if there was any lesson there, but hoping that when she’s old enough to date this may come in handy. Note: We then had to have a chat about non-violent conflict resolution.
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@Chris, yes, sounds as though you’ve gotten off easily. But yes, you might want to keep a small bag on hand.
Um, @Scott, yeah, I’m going to stick with marshmallows versus punches in the stomach. Let us know if the chat works!
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The boy who said “Wow” is over our house for the first time today. They wanted to know when they could have their marshmallow fight.
So “best mom ever” had them wait until she ambushed them with marshmallows. 10 minutes of running, panting, and laughter followed.
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My two year old boy didn’t want to open his mouth for his teeth-brushing one night. It looked like a fight was looming, until I had a lightbulb moment. I told him that the toothbrush was a lawnmower and that I had to cut the grass inside his mouth. Touch wood, I haven’t struggled with him since. The only drawback is that I have to alternate between lawnmower and weed-eater noises while I am busy “cutting the grass”, but I can live with that.
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