Is sibling rivalry alive and well in your home?  If you have more than one child, you are well aware of the many challenges of brotherly and sisterly love and the many levels (physical and emotional) at which siblings are prone to compete with each other, consciously and unconsciously.  As parents, one of our greatest innate skills is the ability to share our undivided and unequivocal love with all our children so that each are equally cherished and undeniably special in our eyes and theirs.  Kids, on the other hand, may take a while to develop similar skills.

HE SAID, SHE SAID

From the time they were toddlers, a mere thirty nine months apart from youngest to oldest, I have been amazed at the things, minor and major, that my three kids would squabble amongst themselves over.  As they grew older, disagreements and inane fighting turned to more competitive vying for mom and dad’s attention.  Now, as they are older, I find myself occasionally faced with a different type of sibling rivalry: squealing on each other.  Without betraying anyones’ confidence with any details I must admit that at one time or another each of my kids has come to me to “tell on” one of the others and reveal to me something I may not have been aware of.  Now, my kids are older and technically young adults, or on the verge of adulthood, so the kinds of things that are being squealed- er, revealed are, while of interest or concern to me, frankly, in some cases sort of “none of my business.”  In other cases, they are things I am concerned about, and want to perhaps comment on, but how can I do that without violating trust?

CATCH -22

Don’t get me wrong, my kids are not jailhouse “rats” singing like a birdie.  On the contrary, these are often things being told to me with good intentions out of love and concern for their brother or sister.  Still, while I appreciate the “inside” information, I am often in a quandary about what to do with these tidbits of acquired intelligence.  If I act upon it and reveal my knowledge to the “guilty” party, I risk exposing the “spy.”  On the other hand, if I ignore the data and do nothing, I may be letting bad decisions go unchecked, and I may be disappointing the child who was compelled to share the info, leading them to believe I don’t care, when indeed I do.  Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.  A true “Catch-22.”

What’s a parent to do?  How do you handle similar situations when one of your kids is acting as your “spy” on another?  I welcome your experiences, tips and suggestions in the comments!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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