My daughter is six. She’s having a bit of trouble fitting in at school, and frankly, with us. I know the reason, though. She’s going to be famous.

It’s true. I can tell. She’s creative, a true outlier, someone who doesn’t even know there is a trend, let alone that she’s bucking it.

And she’s fricken annoying. Which means that she’s destined to be famous. Two words: Jennifer Lopez in Gigli (okay, four words). She’s famous. See?

So, if your kid isn’t exactly fitting in, tell them they’re going to be famous. And watch this song by the Lascivious Biddies.

CAUTION: They say “t!ts” once, so if you’re that kind of parent, cover your kids ears at the right spot. Otherwise, no other trauma should ensue. (Oh, unless the line “slit the throats of my enemies” is considered offensive, too.)