Reading Joe’s post about making family first got me thinking about some of the life lesson’s that I’ve been trying to imprint on my kids…   And one of the secrets in our family is having kids who have control over their attitude.
My guess is that most parents can relate to having a two-year old who goes from having a great attitude to a miserable, whining mess in a matter of seconds… But can your child do the opposite? Can you get a two-year old to go from a miserable, whiny mess to a decent attitude in just a few seconds?
So, here’s how we approach changing bad attitudes into good ones in my family:
1) Start young (like the very first time they throw a fit!)
2) Make a threat that has actionable consequences
3) Give them time to get control over the situation
4) Consistently enforce the consequences if they don’t change their attitude
We do that by “counting to three” in my family and being very clear of the consequences if our children don’t change their attitudes by the time we hit three.  To give you an idea, here was an exchange between me and my two-year old after he lost his temper because he didn’t want to wash his hands before sitting down at the dinner table.
Me: “If you don’t change your attitude and start walking to the bathroom to wash your hands by the count of 3, then I’m going to stick you on the couch and you will miss out when we start dinner.”
Result: He continues to flail about like only a two-year old can.Me: [deep breath] “One… ”
Result: He’s continues to go nutsMe: [deep breath] “Two…”
Results: Whines turn to snifflesMe: [deep breath] “Three…”
Result: him: “Okay, dad… I’m okay.” And then he went into the bathroom and washed his hands.
Had he not taken control of his attitude, he knows I would have sat him on the couch and insisted that he not get up until after we had started dinner and he had a good attitude. (The consequences of getting off the couch are that he gets sent to his room, which I’ve only had to do once in about 6 months ago)
With a two-year old boy who seems to channel Curious George at every opportunity, these episodes where I have to lay down the law are pretty much a daily occurrence… And especially early on, I had to consistently deliver on my threats of consequences. Nowadays, I probably only need to sit him down on a couch until he changes his attitude about once a week. By comparison, his 8-year old sister is able to get control over her attitude on the flip of a switch and I can’t remember the last time I had to actually enforce consequences.
I’ve got no child-psychology training whatsoever, but from practical experience, I can tell you that having kids who have the self-discipline to take control over their own attitude feels right… and it’s a life lesson I’m pretty sure will serve my kids well into the future.