Got a question? Ask BloggerDad!

It’s Friday, so it must be time to open up the Ask Blogger Dad mail bag!

Feel free to email me at IDrawComics (at) gmail.com or leave a comment here and I’ll respond. If you are really ashamed of yourself, and you probably should be for emailing a make believe advice columnist, you can ask me to withold your name and I will do so.

Dear Blogger Dad,
Hey listen, I’ve got a delicate question and it needs handling with sensitivity. You also have to understand that I’m not asking this question for myself as it’s of no real concern to me, obviously. But is the size of a man’s er, “wallet” important to women? They seem to claim that it’s not important. They repeatedly state that it’s what a man does with his “wallet” that’s more important than how big it is. I hope you can shed some light on this one.
Selfish Blogger

Dear Selfish Blogger,
The old axiom that it’s not the size of the wallet but how you use it, is true. As someone with a relatively small wallet, I found it hard to compete with men with much larger wallets when I was in the dating pool. There’s nothing worse than going out with a woman and seeing her ogle another man’s wallet, while secretly stealing glances down at yours and pretending you can satisfy her.

Sure, there’s late night infomercials and all sorts of products claiming to help you increase the size of your wallet, but I wouldn’t trust just anyone to put their paws all over mine.

In short, it’s hard to measure up to other men when it comes to wallet size. Which is why I’m glad that I’m hung like a Shetland Pony.

Dear Blogger Dad,
I am in my mid-30’s and I can’t seem to find a decent guy. I thought I met the perfect guy recently. We talked online and on the phone several times. Then when we went out for a date, I caught him checking out the waitress’s breasts. Aren’t there any guys out there who won’t ogle the breasts of every woman who passes by in a low cut top?
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Yes, there are lots of guys who won’t check out other women’s breasts. They are called homosexuals.

Dear Blogger Dad,
I have a neighbor (who I am sort of friendly with) who thinks my yard is her dog’s personal toilet. Every morning and night, her dog takes a big dump in my yard. How can I approach the situation without alienating my neighbor?
Laura B.

Dear Laura B.,
What kind of dog does she have? If it’s a small dog, like a Chihuahua, I would buy or borrow, a much larger and meaner dog and let him hang out in front of your house until the culprits show up.

If you don’t want to go the dog route, I would suggest sneaking over to your neighbor’s house in the middle of the night and pooping on HER LAWN, or better yet, on top of her car. That should get the point across without alienating her.

If all else fails, I understand that Michael Vick is now out of prison.

Dear Blogger Dad,
I have another question – what’s up with this “right to nap on the couch” thing? We have a perfectly lovely bedroom upstairs. New king sized bed & mattress and there is even a TV so he could watch TV while he snoozes.

And so, I’m like, “hello, go upstairs” and he says no, that he’s got a right to sleep on the couch. And maybe he does, but wouldn’t it just be better all around to decline to exercise that right and go where he can get some sleep so that the rest of us can relax?
Thanks!
Tracy

Dear Tracy,
Wait a second, you’re complaining because your husband WANTS to be around you and the kids more often? Men just can’t win with you ladies, huh?

Personally, when I nap, I like to be as far from my family as possible. If I could afford a hotel room, I’d certainly stay at one, just to get some quiet.

I don’t want to hear a screaming toddler, the sound of dishes clanging or any of the other stuff my wife sometimes does to try and wake me up. Yeah, she denies it, but come on, NOBODY vacuums for two hours in the same spot, just outside the bedroom door!

Having said all that, have you considered pooping on his car?

About: David Wright blogs about his adventures as a first-time father of a two year old at BloggerDad.com. He writes about creativity and offers his illustration and writing services at Collective Inkwell and he draws comics at IDrawComics. He can also be found polluting Twitter with inane tweets.