5 Dads, 50 Conversations, Tons of Fun

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Woohoo!  This is EPISODE 50 of the Cast of Dads podcast!  As we hit this milestone, I thought I would share the tale of how the Cast of Dads came together…

Back when Sony came a callin’ and invited myself and four other dads to become “DigiDads” and get the chance to play with some of their products, of the five participating dads I only knew C.C. Chapman.  Since then I have had the pleasure of spending time in person with all of the former DigiDads (C.C., Brad Powell, Max Kalehoff and Michael Sheehan) but actually, the five of us have yet to meet as a group in person (brands, are you listening?)  During the DigiDad program we had regular conference calls together, and it was clear that, despite geographic, age, and kid-stage differences, we all got along great, and had a collective kindred spirit about life, parenting, and blogging.

When the DigiDad program ended we really didn’t want to stop our regular calls and our budding friendships, so we decided to keep the dream alive and start a podcast together.  The result is the Cast of Dads.  If you’ve been a regular listener you know that we don’t have much of an agenda.  Really, we’re just being ourselves and having a conversation, and inviting you to listen along.  Between us five dads we have thirteen kids, from toddlers to college grads, so we have lots to talk about and perspectives and opinions on just about every phase of parenting and fatherhood.  I  hope you’ve enjoyed these 50 episodes as much as we have.

Today, I consider Brad, Michael, Max and C.C. among my best of friends, and I truly look forward to every time we get together to record a show.  Of course, the Cast of Dads wouldn’t be half as much fun without you too!  We greatly appreciate your taking the time to listen, and always love hearing your comments and feedback.  THANK YOU!  We hope you’ll continue to tag along for the next fifty shows!

You can CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 50.

Topics discussed in episode 50 include:

If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads and Wunderkind! podcasts.

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Are You Raising Entrepreneurs?

 

I originally wrote this post entitled “Be The Entrepreneur of Yourself” on my personal blog.  Upon further reflection, I think it also may be appropriate here on Dadomatic.  After all, I think instilling the entrepreneurial spirit in our kids is more important than ever.  What do you think?

Be The Entrepreneur of Yourself.

The world has changed.  My grandfather came to the United States at a young age, with a young son (my father) and he went to work in the Brooklyn shipping yard of an industrial pipe manufacturer.  He stayed with that same company for his entire career, a lifetime, working his way through the ranks from physical labor, to sales, to management, to the proverbial gold watch at retirement (in his case, semi-retirement… I come from a long line of workaholics.)

There Is No Such Thing As Job Security.

What was a relatively common experience for my grandfather – spending a career at one company – is virtually unheard of today.  The notion of “job security” simply does not exist anymore at any level, from the “C-suite” on down.  Today, the best job security one can have is to not need job security.  Today you truly need to be an entrepreneur.  You need to be the entrepreneur of yourself.  You are the startup.  These are the lessons I am trying to practice myself,* and instill upon my kids, all in their 20′s.  This is their world.

The Startup is YOU.

Being the entrepreneur of yourself does not mean you can’t be working as an employee for someone else’s company.  It does mean that you approach being an employee the way you would approach starting a business.  YOU are the business.  Your current product is the job you hold, and your mission is to attack that job as if it is your company, so that you can produce the best product possible – your work, and your work ethic.  Like a startup, you want to grow your business (yourself) and improve, and learn, perform well and grow a customer base of people who respect, rely upon, and value your product (you).

Be The Product.

When you are the product, and the product is simply awesome, your customers will stick with you. It is no different than with a company.  Apple customers buy every new product Apple makes because their products are great.  Your customers – your co-workers, employers, people you do business with, people you encounter online and off – will support your product – you – no matter what you are doing or where you are working, if your product is always awesome.

Stay Focused, But Plant Seeds.

As the entrepreneur of yourself, you need to stay focused on the product, but also remain aware of the marketplace.  Being awesome at your current job (current product) doesn’t mean you can’t also have a product roadmap for the future.  You need to.  To prepare your startup (you) to become a sustainable business, you need to have an eye on the future. You need to be aware of other products (opportunities) that may fit into your longer term plan, and you need to plant the seeds (reputation, relationships, resourcefulness) that will leave you prepared to roll out new products (changing a job, starting a new venture) when the market is ready.

I firmly believe that being the entrepreneur of yourself is the best way to take control of your own work destiny, so you can be ready to create your own opportunities within or without your current job.

Do you agree?  Are you the entrepreneur of yourself?  Are you teaching your kids to be the entrepreneurs of themselves?

(* In an attempt to practice what I preach, I recently updated my own product and changed my role from a full-time employee to that of a consultant in order to pursue additional opportunities including Social Object Factory. More on that soon…)

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads and Wunderkind! podcasts.

Photo Credit: © Konstantin Li – Fotolia.com

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Father Time and Fatherhood

Today’s the day.  Another year slips into our memories as the clock ticks forward into 2012.  As parents, nothing should be more cherished than time, for it is a resource that can never be replenished.  A moment past is just that… a moment that has moved from now to then.  A moment that can no longer be lived, but can only be remembered. Memories are wonderful, and valuable, but they are not living.  Father time is a greedy bastard.  He takes far more than he gives… if we let him.

A Momentous Task

Our children provide us with so many moments…  They grow and learn and change so fast that each and every moment we share with them is unique and special and wonderful, because there will never again be another moment exactly like it.  That first smile, word, step, trip on the school bus, trip and fall in the yard, bike ride without training wheels, finger painting, poop on the toilet, poop in the pants, class play, play date, graduation, first crush, first time crushed by love, pimples, dimples, simple questions, questions that can’t be answered, ways they make you question yourself, seeing yourself in them, them seeing themselves in you, you driving them everywhere, them learning to drive, driving you crazy, keeping you driven.    All of these moments we can only remember and never re-live.  As a father of kids who are now in their 20′s, I often reflect upon all of the moments past and passed.  How many of them was I really there for?  How many of them did I let slip by and become a memory without truly recognizing and appreciating the moment itself, at the moment?   The good news is that I did really, truly, enjoy many of the moments with my children, and still do.  The bad news is, I also let way too many moments pass without notice or recognition, and still do.

Seizing the Moments

Without formally calling it a resolution, I am going to work harder in 2012 to seize more of the moments with my children and appreciate them now, while they are happening.  Being a dad is a life’s work, and our kids bring us joy, pride and countless moments to live in together regardless of how old we and they grow.  Father Time can only take our Fatherhood moments if we let him…

How about you?  Are you ready to live in the moments of 2012?  I am going to take this moment to wish you and yours a very Happy New Year!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads  and Wunderkind! podcasts.

Photo Credit: © iQoncept – Fotolia.com

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Gambling With My Kids’ Money

We learned about gambling at this year’s vacation.

The resort gave us three $10 vouchers to double any $10 bet we placed at the roulette or card tables.

With the kids waiting in the lobby, I placed a two-for-one bet and won on red.

I came back to announce I had won $20.

What should we do with the winnings? I asked them: We can walk away now with $20 or we can have Mom place a $10 bet with our winnings, leaving us with $10 in winnings.

“Bet it,” they said, recognizing we were playing with money with didn’t have moments earlier.

We returned quickly and shared the bad news. “Mom lost. We have two $5 chips left.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I challenged. “You can each have $5 of our winnings. You can keep the $5 and we can leave right now or you can join together and have me bet your $10.”

It was interesting and fun watching them debate what to do with their money. First eight-year-old Lucas, who badgered me all week about how gambling was “stupid” once I shared my slanted description of the pastime, decided he would keep his $5. 10-year-old Zachary hemmed and hawed and finally decided to have me bet his $5.

When he learned “if Zachary wins, he will keep all the winnings,” Lucas decided to bet his $5 as well. We let them choose which color to bet on, so they would take full responsibility for the outcome.

Zachary put out two hands and asked Lucas to pick one. Lucas chose Zach’s left hand and Zach announced, “Bet on red!”

So Mom and Dad went back to the roulette table and did as we were instructed.

The kids were jumping out of their seats as we approached them. “Did you win?!?!”

Thumbs down. No, we lost, and you could see them deflate. Now we won nothing and lost nothing. I had four $5 chips left. This was the money Beth and I started with. I pushed the lesson further.

“Would you like me to make another bet for you? This would be with your own money. I will lend you $5 and you will pay me back no matter what happens. If you win, you keep everything.”

 

 

This time Lucas would not take the bait. He held $5 and saw it go away. Zach “felt bad” about losing the money and wanted a chance to win it back. He took the bet – and when it paid off – he was deliriously jumping around. “I’m so happy!” he danced about his new fortune.

“I could bet it again and you could make even more money,” I taunted Zach.

“NO! NO! No more bets!”

The Next Day
The next day I asked both what they thought of gambling.

“Not a good idea,” said Lucas, now $5 poorer, “because you can lose your money, all the money that you bet. You can win money, and you do another gamble, and then you lose the amount of dollars that you won.”

Zachary said, “I can see how gambling can be addicting for other people because they see they are winning money but then they forget they are losing money too. They might say, ‘I just won! Maybe I can do it the next time!’ And casinos basically make it impossible for you to do any actually winning unless you win in the beginning and you quickly leave. Very few people win big in the casino.”

He concluded, “It’s hard to predict my future but probably, no, I won’t be addicted to gambling because now I’ve learned younger not to play the ‘Cheese Caper’ slot machines.”

Your kids
How have you broached the subject with your kids? Any wisdom to share here?

:: Joe Hage is chief storyteller for Medical Marcom, a medical devices marketing consultancy helping medical companies become more approachable and engaging. ::

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On Parenting, Kites and Balloons

Eddy, Cross, Malay or Diamond toy kite with tail

Image via Wikipedia

As I have now watched my three kids grow, evolve, morph and mature from helplessly adorable infants to helpful and independent young adults, I find myself thinking a lot about my own evolving role as a parent.  As much as our kids change, so do we, and so do the strings we have attached to our children.

STRING THEORY

When they are infants, the tie between us and our kids is like a chain – they must be constantly and solidly connected to us, as they rely on their parents for just about everything in their tiny world view.  We provide food, shelter, comfort, learning, even mobility.  If the chain between us breaks, they are relatively helpless.  Until they discover crawling and walking.  Suddenly their world has become much larger, along with their sense of freedom to explore such world.  Suddenly our grip loosens just a bit, and what was once a chain is now a less restrictive rope.  Then they move from the world parents can totally control, to the real world of schools and playgrounds and chaos.  The rope becomes a string, still attached strongly enough for us to easily yank them back under our protective wing, but with each passing year the string gains slack, and our kids gain more and more independence.

TAKING FLIGHT

As they move into their teens, our kids miraculously grow wings and are determined to take flight at every opportunity.  They have an innate desire to test the boundaries of their growing sense of self and independence.  They are seemingly compelled to pull the string between us as taught as possible, challenging its strength and our ability to remain in control.  As their increasing self-confidence drives them to take flight, they become like a kite at the end of our string, pulling hard in the wind, whipping back and forth to find a comfortable path, while we run along below them, tightly grasping the string, fighting to exert as much control and guidance upon the kite’s journey as we can.  Sometimes we enjoy the synchronous calm of a perfect balance… and sometimes it simply seems impossible to keep the damn kite from a nosedive to the ground.

LETTING GO

Finally, our children become young adults, and while they are not really kids anymore, our desire to hold onto that string is as strong as ever.  They will always be our kids, and we will always be their parents.  It is a constant that cannot be broken, perhaps the only one of its kind.  As they go off on their own –  to college, to jobs, to their own homes, to start their own families – they rise aloft, no longer pulling like a kite, but rather soaring boldly and gracefully like a bright and colorful balloon at the end of our string.  And like that balloon, at some point we have to let go of the string and look up, smiling in awe as we watch them soar off magnificently on their own…


Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads  and Wunderkind! podcasts.

 

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Silent Cries for Help

Despite all of the attention that the subject matter of bullying has gotten recently, the pain and anguish continues. More and more victims are trying to get the word out such as this young man whose video on YouTube has become viral as he shares his torture silently by holding up cards describing his living hell which has continued for over 8 years and no one is helping him.

Remember this, everyone believes their child is an angel so no one wants to accept the fact that their child could be one of these cold, heartless bullies that ridicules and hurts other kids…something physically, but always mentally and emotionally. Many times these innocent kids take their own lives because their life is that difficult to take. They feel hopeless, worthless and give up the will to live. We can do something about this by becoming more aware and involved…not just with our own children but all children and our school systems. If you’re a young person who becomes a witness to this abuse, no matter how minor it seems, you must get involved, even if it’s secretly by telling a teacher, principal or another adult. Anyone who ignores these acts of aggressive and disrespect becomes an accomplice to the crime.

Here are some other pieces we’ve done on Dad-O-matic on this important subject matter:
The Bully Pulpit (my very first piece for DOM)
Protecting Our Precious Angels
Chris Cuomo’s special on 20/20 on Bullying (includes links to many useful tools and resources to deal with bullying)
Losers:EveryOne (anti-bullying video)

Because it’s so powerful, here is the trailer for The Bully Project movie

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Parents Are Lucky When It Comes To Thankful

As parents we are in a special club when it comes to being thankful.  We are in a club that knows, firsthand, from within every cell, every molecule, every essence of our being, what it means to have something to be thankful for.  To have children to be thankful for.   This is because there is no greater bond than the bond one feels for a child.  There is no greater love, no love more pure, than the love a parent feels for their child.  Yes, we love our own parents.  Yes, we love our spouses and our partners and our girlfriends and boyfriends, and our pets, but it is not the same.  No other being is an extension of you, now and forever, in the way your child is.  No other being looks up to you in that way… relies on you in that way… draws upon you in that way… is influenced by you in that way… or influences you in that way.

Yes, they put tremendous pressure on us (and our bank accounts).  Yes, they make us want to scream and cry, but they also make us laugh and sing.  They keep us young.  They keep us warm with pride with every step, every accomplishment, every hug, every smile, every scrape, every tear.  They make us whole.  They make every challenge we face, every hurdle we jump, every mountain we climb, totally worth it.  Life is worth it because of them.  Every parent can look up “joy” in the dictionary and see a picture of their child, their children.

So today, and every day, I am thankful for my children.  For the wonder and wonderful they bring to my life each and every day.  I am thankful for being a dad, and especially for being their dad.  I am thankful, and full of thanks.

I know you are thankful for your kids too.  Let them know.

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Photo Credit: © Arcady – Fotolia.com

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How Many Kids Can You Have Before Adultitis Takes Over?

Does having more kids increase your chances of Adultitis?

If so, how many kids can you have before it takes over your life completely?

This sums up a question I recently received through our website. Here it is in its entirety:

“Hi guys, if it’s not too personal of a topic, I was wondering if you had plans to try for more kids at some point. My husband and I go back and forth on whether our daughter (now one) should be an only child. On the one hand, the families I see with lots of kids seem to be extremely caught up in Adultitis, stress, and the daily grind. It seems like having more kids often creates an intense division of Us vs. Them between the parents and kids. I sometimes think we’d have more fun with just our daughter since right now we play all day and travel and do all kinds of things we all want to do.

On the other hand, we adore our daughter and think she’s a blast so maybe more would be a blast too. Do you have any thoughts on the number of kids in regards to Adultitis and having a fun life? Thanks!”

I’m sure a ton of people can relate to this. I know I can.

The answer, fortunately, is very simple.

1.75

That’s exactly how many kids you can have and still expect a relatively Adultitis-free life.

I’m kidding, of course. The reality is that you can find Adultitis-ridden people who have 12 kids, 3 kids, 1 kid, or no kids at all. It reminds me of the people who warned us before welcoming our first child into the world that kids are actually the cause of Adultitis. That worried me until other people started to assure me that kids are in fact the cure to Adultitis. That’s when I realized it had nothing to do with kids (or even the number of kids) at all.

Yes, more kids equals more mouths to feed, more bodies to clothe, more schedules to juggle and more cell phones to buy. But it also offers more variety, more liveliness, more laughter, and more hands to help with the household chores. When it comes to Adultitis, there is no panacea — it’s coming hard after every one of us, whether we are young, old, married or single, childless, or that old lady who lived in a shoe.

The grass always looks greener on the other side, but it still needs to be cut.

Kim and I kept a journal during our first year of parenthood, and we learned something very valuable through the process. Our Adultitis levels had more to do with our attitudes and the choices we made than with the fact that we had a new little being under our care. Being parents has presented us with trials that were harder than we’d ever faced before. But we’ve also experienced joys we could have only dreamed of before we had kids. Adultitis tends to dissipate when you spend the bulk of your time focusing on (and appreciating) the joys more than the trials.

All that being said, there are some keys that I think are worth remembering:

  • You don’t have to say yes to everything. Your schedule doesn’t have to match the Jones’. They’re nuts, after all.
  • Set aside one day a week reserved for family — no exceptions. It’s so much easier to navigate the craziness of a busy week when you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel in which you can all just “be.”
  • Your kids don’t have to be involved in every extra curricular activity under the sun. Try sticking to one at a time. (Don’t worry, they’ll still get into college.)
  • You can do a lot of things with kids that most people claim you can’t. Travel is just one of them.
  • Make it a priority to have dinner together every night. It has been proven to help kids get better grades and minimizes their risk of getting involved in drugs and premarital sex.
  • Model playfulness and an attitude of not taking yourself too seriously, at least as much as you try to foster honesty, discipline, and a good work ethic.
  • No one ever said on their deathbed that they wish they’d spent more time at the office.
  • Kids don’t need a lot of STUFF. What they need most is TIME.
  • Parenting is a hard gig. No one passes with flying colors. Let this reality sink in, let the pressure to be perfect disappear, and have fun!

In the end, when it comes to Adultitis, the number of kids you have is irrelevant.

What really matters are the choices you make and the attitude you adopt.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and check out their new book, Just You Wait: Adventures in Fighting Adultitis as First-Time Parents.

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What I Learned Having Dinner With My Kids

I had dinner with two of the three Sasslets the other night. It is hard to still call them “Sasslets” as my daughter, the youngest, just left her teens behind by turning twenty. Yes, she’s been Daddy’s little girl for twenty years, and that’s how long I’ve been wrapped around her finger.

While I still find the opportunity to occasionally play referee to sibling spats, dinner with the kids is now mostly filled with adult conversation, increasingly about “work” and the work world. I have to admit, it has been very rewarding to take on the additional parenting role of “career mentor” along with all the other many hats us dads (and moms) wear. This night, however, the teacher was the one getting schooled, as I gained some valuable insights from the experiences my kids were having at their respective jobs.

Service With A Smile

Both Olivia and her oldest brother Zach work in the restaurant business and were sharing stories from their respective companies. They both work for successful chains, one a coffee, baked goods and sandwich place, and the other a higher end Italian Restaurant. In both cases, it was interesting for me to hear the kids talk about how strongly customer focused their employer organizations were. In both cases, coincidentally, it is company policy (strictly enforced) to refer to customers as “guests” at all times, and to treat them as guests. To quote my son, “as if they were guests in our house.” From the conversation, it was clear that this customer – er, guest centric mindset was being deeply ingrained in my kids’ burgeoning business ethic. Not a bad thing, I thought.

Be Our Guest

Then I realized that most businesses could similarly learn from this hospitality mentality. Working in the mobile Internet and mobile entertainment space, I more often refer to the people who visit my company’s web sites or download our apps as “users.” Perhaps “guest” is a much better way to think of our customers. After all, in today’s world practically every industry is in the service business, as products, information, apps and entertaiment all vie for the attention of consumers, and isn’t someone willing to give you their attention the same as being your guest?

What do you think? What have you learned from your kids lately?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

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Giving Your Kids The Business

I am pretty sure I am in the minority here (here being Dadomatic).  I am likely one of the few dads with grown children and an empty nest.  In the three years I have been writing for Dadomatic I’ve gone through both High School and College graduations and have seen my three kids go forth into the world on their own. But of course they are not really on their own.  Us kids are never fully on our own, and us parents are never not parents.  That’s why, even though I no longer see my kids every day, or wipe their butts, or walk them to the bus stop, I still love to write and talk about being a dad.  Being dad is still, and always will be, the most important and rewarding thing I do.

From Homework to Work Work

As the parent now of young adults, I have entered an entirely new phase of phatherhood, with an entirely new set of challenges and joys.  Instead of helping with homework I’m now often asked for help with real work, as in a job.  My oldest son is currently away on his first business trip, and before he left we talked at length about business travel.  I fondly recalled my own first business trip, when I was about his age, and all the things I’ve learned in hundreds of trips and hundreds of thousands of miles since.  Here are some of the quick tips I gave him as advice for his first official business trip:

  • Know where you’re going and be on time – When you arrive the day before your meetings, if time permits, scope out the location of where you’ll be going for your meetings the next day, so in the morning you already know the way, and can easliy show up a few minutes early without stressing over finding your way as a stranger in a strange land.
  • Socialize, but don’t party – A really important part of business travel is having the chance to socialize with co-workers and business associates outside the normal environment.  You should take full advantage of going out for meals and drinks, especially with supervisors and those senior to you, who you otherwise may rarely get the chance to “get to know” and develop a more personal relationship with.  All that said, limit your drinking (no matter what the rest of the group is doing) and don’t go so far as to get drunk.  Have fun, be yourself, but not your wild self.
  • Business first on a business trip – You’re being sent on the road to do a job, and as much as travel may remind you of a vacation, you’re not on vacation.  Work should come first, but if you do have downtime, explore the city you’re in by taking a walk or going for a run.
  • Try something new – When you’re grabbing a meal, avoid the same national chains you can visit at home. Instead check out the local establishments that are unique to the city you’re in.
  • Carpe your Per Diem – They are giving you spending money to cover your meals during the trip.  Spend for food and incidentals well within your per diem budget amounts, so you can come home with a little extra cash in your pocket.  If you’re invited to eat with business associates, do so.  (He might as well get used to a few little perks of business travel…)

I am very proud of all my kids and watching them enter the “real” world is every bit as thrilling as it was watching them on the first day of nursery school.  As a parent, every new milestone for a child brings miles of enjoyment.

What do you think?  Would you have any other tips for a first business trip?  I’d love to hear from other parents of young adults.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

Photo Credit:© ioannis kounadeas – Fotolia.com

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The Real Father’s Day Gift

It is June. Notable for the official start of summer, hurricane season (for those of us, like me, based in South Florida) and of course, Father’s Day. Like many dads, I am both a father and a son, roles that are intimately intertwined. We are all someone’s children, and as such we assume that who we are and who we become is influenced by our parents. As a guy, it is normal to let that assumption lean toward the influence of a father. However, I think truly understanding your own father and his subtle (or not so subtle) impact on your being may not occur until you have children of your own. Perhaps the best way to understand the unique perspectives of your own dad is to become a dad yourself.

Apple, Meet Tree…

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, and all of us have our individual experiences and relationships with our father’s, so I don’t profess to speak for all sons and dads. Speaking for myself, however, as I enter my 23rd year as a father, and more than twice as many years as a son, I am continually surprised by the countless ways I see my father in myself as I play my part as a father to my kids. Similarly, I am equally intrigued and amazed at how often I see myself in my kids, in the ways they relate to me as their dad. While my kids are growing up in a different world and different circumstances than I did, and many things about their lives and relationships are completely alien to what my childhood experiences were, there are still many sometimes startling moments of parental clarity when I can’t help but see behaviour that is a blatant example of a family cycle continuing – from my grandparents, to my parents, to myself and my sister, and to our respective children. I am frequently (and happily) reminded that indeed the apple does not fall far from the tree.

The Real Father’s Day Gift

As a dad, I already know what every father really wants for Father’s Day. It is not a tie, or cologne, or a new gadget, or even a hand-drawn card. It is simply the love of happy and caring children, and the amazing sense of pride that results from seeing them thrive. Pride is the ultimate Father’s Day gift, to be given to dads of all ages, by kids of all ages. Whether you are 6 or 60, your dad wants to be proud of you, and you can find joy in making your dad proud. As we prepare for this coming Father’s Day, the best gift we can give our dad is to be the best sons and daughters we can. The best gift my kids can give me is to continue to be the wonderful children they are. The love and pride they already provide makes every day a happy Father’s Day.

Do you agree, or would you rather just get that new tie?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

Photo Credit: Andy Dean – Fotolia.com

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Scared the S*** Out of Me

My seven-year-old takes karate. Makes him feel invincible.

Him: “Don’t worry. If a bad guy comes, I know karate.”
Me: “I still want you where I can see you.”
Him: “Don’t worry. I know karate.”
Me: “What if three bad guys come?”
Him: “That’s ok. I can do my ‘tornado kick.’”

I think when kids hear about ‘bad guys,’ they assume they would be forcefully attacked or abducted. Thrown into the backseat of a car. Or they’d be able to scream in time for someone to come to their aid.

I do not own the rights to broadcast the following video and I excerpted 0:38 seconds for illustrative purposes only. In Dexter Season 4, John Lithgow plays a serial killer. Look how easy it was to fool the 10-year-old at the arcade.

 

Untitled from Joe Hage on Vimeo.

[Click here to watch video.]

How do you protect against a well-conceived con? I don’t think deviously enough to plant these possibilities into my kids’ heads. Not to mention the nightmares.

The guy who conned me

I was 14, I think, at the time. And looking back, the con was ridiculous. I should have known better.

But here was an adult telling me about an emergency situation! I wanted to cooperate and be helpful.

Luckily, I was only robbed.

He stopped me on my bike. He told me, “A woman was shot (I think it was) and they described the perpetrator as [my-height, my-clothes, on a brown bike].

He told me to run up to the fifth floor of this building. I said, “Wait. Let me lock up my bike first.”

He said, “No! There’s no time for that.”

There were only four floors to that building, I discovered, as my bike went off into the distance.

Stupid. Stupid!

How can we protect our children from cons?

I don’t think a simple “Never listen to strangers” is enough.

:: Joe Hage is the CEO and Founder of Medical Marcom, a medical marketing consultancy providing effective lead generation strategies for life science companies. http://MedicalMarcom.com ::

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You’re the Parent – Take the High Road!

As parents our world changes the moment our kids begin to speak.  As those words begin to spout forth not so trippingly from the spittle laden tongues of our young ones we can sense the beginning of the end… the end of quiet, that is… and the beginning of a new level of communication between parent and child.  It is actually a wonderful time, and truly a time of wonder as we watch baby babble become toddler talk, and, faster than you ever imagined, one day you find yourself having a real conversation with your kid!

A Conversation That Never Ends

Once you start talking with your kids it truly is a conversation that never ends.  It starts with the infamous, “Why?” Somehow, as soon as they learn to talk, children innately understand that they can respond “Why?” to virtually anything an adult says to them and get quite satisfying results.

KID: Why?
DAD: Because…
KID: Because why?….
DAD: Because I said so…
KID:  But, why???…
DAD: Because…
And on and on and on…

The Great Debate

As your kids get older, they grow beyond the art of simple conversation and inane questioning to become masters of the disagreement. The simplicity of “why” turns into the far more aggravating dispute as the once tentative young talker gains the confidence to challenge the gospel according to dad…  Then disagreement begets arguments and “fights” and by the time your kids become young adults you find yourself occasionally getting into the same level of verbal fisticuffs with them as you might more typically engage in with a friend, lover, spouse or business associate.  In the midst of this very adult like (bad) behavior, it is easy to forget that the person pushing your buttons and raising your ire is not a friend, lover, spouse or co-worker.  It is your kid, and “in a fight” or not, you are still the parent.

Take The High Road

Recently, I forgot this. Caught up in an argument with one of my twenty-something sons, I proceeded to behave badly, and avoid their calls because I was “mad at them.”  If he did manage to catch me, I was curt, and disengaged.  In summary, I was an ass, forgetting what it meant to be a Sass. Forgetting what it meant to be a dad.  Forgetting that kids may grow up into adults, but they will ALWAYS be our kids, and we will, and must, ALWAYS be their parent.  Petty behavior is not seen as petty to them.  The actions of a parent carry much more weight in the eyes of a child than the same behavior by anyone else in their world.  My son made me realize this, and helped me realize how foolish I had been to allow myself to get caught up in the madness of being mad.  I am the parent. No matter what my adult emotions may tell me, it is my job and responsibility to not fall prey.  It is my job as a parent to take the high road and be the dad, not the angry friend.

And so I did… And hopefully, next time, so I will…

What do you think?  Have you been in a situation with your kids where you set aside your feelings and took the high road, or like me, have you ever caught yourself taking the low road with your kids. Please share your thoughts in the comments and let me know. If you took the high road and I took the low road, we’ll see if I’ll be in Scotland afore ye!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

Photo Credit: © Andy Dean – Fotolia.com

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How to Make Sure Your Kid Grows Up to Be Awesome

One of the goals of any good parent, I think, is to have your kids grow up to be awesome.

And by awesome, I don’t necessarily mean popular. Or rich. Or having a job with a fancy title.

When my daughter Lucy grows up, I hope she turns out awesome. I do hope she has lots of friends, but I really hope she has a handful of great ones. I don’t really care what kind of job she has or how much money she makes, as long as she loves it, can support herself, and makes the world a better place. I hope she takes the status quo with a grain of salt and is brave enough to go her own way when necessary. I hope she stands out in a sea of average, and stands up for what’s right, even when others are too afraid. I hope she does things that inspire other people to be more awesome.

I hope her story is filled with love and fun and magic and meaning.

In a word, awesome.

I’m not exactly sure how one goes about making sure his or her kids turn out awesome, but I suspect that the parents who allowed their Dark Knight to attend this Princess Party are on the right track:

If the goal is awesomeness, teaching your kids that they don’t have to do the same thing everyone else is doing is important.

And learning the lesson ourselves, perhaps even more so.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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Blowing Bubbles In Her Milk

My wife Kim and I had a big parenting test the other night.

At dinner, my daughter Lucy got to drink out of a “big girl cup” with a straw. And for the first time ever, she discovered how to blow bubbles in her milk.

In our household, this is on par with first words, first steps, and learning how to dunk cookies in milk.

It’s kind of a big deal.

The coolest part is that she figured it out on her own; we didn’t have to teach her. It was awesome witnessing the moment of discovery, when surprise transformed into delight. However, when her cup had become entirely consumed by bubbles, she actually grew concerned and seemed disappointed when she asked, “Where did milk go?”

“Don’t worry, it’ll come back,” I assured her.

And it did! (One of the perks of parenting is presenting the illusion of being all-knowing.)

Naturally, blowing bubbles in her milk became much more interesting to Lucy than actually eating dinner. And Adultitis strongly encouraged both Kim and I to tell her to cut it out. The inner debate about how to proceed was more crucial than one might expect. For you see, we give out little cards to every person who attends one of our speaking programs, and it features this comic strip:

We’ve handed out thousands and thousands and thousands of these cards. Would we now become the parents who admonish our child for blowing bubbles in her milk? Kim and I exchanged a look that indicated we didn’t want to be.

I stopped the inner conversation in my head and quickly analyzed the situation: What’s the big deal? What are my main concerns? For one, I wanted to make sure she actually ate her dinner. And secondly, I was not especially keen on cleaning up after any milk bubble overflows.

So we made it clear that she needed to keep the straw (and the bubbles) in the glass. And after a few more minutes of bubble blowing fun, we pulled the glass away and told her she could resume after she ate a few more bites of her dinner. I was amazed at the responsiveness we got! Inadvertently, we had turned blowing bubbles in milk into a powerful incentive more powerful than M&Ms!

It’s easy to jump into automatic mode in our roles as parents, teachers or leaders and respond to situations in the same way we’ve seen other parents, teachers, and leaders do it, without ever stopping for just a second to question if there might be another way. That stopping is the hard part, because quite often, the other (better) way is not that hard to find.

And so I think we passed the test by honoring one of the special joys of childhood while avoiding a mess and steering clear of turing into total pushovers. (It’s nice to have some confidence going into potty training…)

Meanwhile, my little personal wish for Lucy is that she never stops blowing bubbles in her milk.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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(My) Tween(s) and Social Networking

Cross posted from my social media blog-its a relevant discussion for this audience too.

Which ones are your tweens on?As the parent of one tween (10.5 who will be 11 in two months) and an 8.5 who wants to do what her big sister does – social networks like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube etc., are sources of big concern for me -and I know a lot about them.  Which seems to put me well ahead of my peers who are parents confronting these issues.

To fully understand the issue I (and other parents of tweens today) face, you need to understand the landscape.  Chances are if  you are reading this blog, you do, but for the sake of clarity:

At school, softball, camp-pretty much any place more than three kids gather, eventually the conversation turns to Facebook, texting, YouTube and any one of a myriad of social games.  Now, like many parents I am guilty of enabling this conversation by outfitting my kids with the iPod Touch, which opens up the magic of the app store to them.  I am aware of at least three apps that my girls and their friends use regularly that are not compliant with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA).  And these are the ones I worry most about.

Through the age of 13 (which is why its the magic number for Facebook, YouTube, Twitter etc) COPPA provides some rigorous rules about how kids under 13 are treated on websites.  Speaking as someone who has had to consider COPPA compliance – it’s not treated lightly in large companies.  I can see in some start-up environments though there being more of a “let’s wait to see if someone complains” attitude.

Basically, COPPA provides strong content guidelines and enforcement as well as protections against the collection of PID (personal identification). Enforcement of COPPA falls on the Federal Trade Commission.

So back to my parenting conundrum.  Both of my kids (more so 10.5) have friends who are on Facebook, regularly post videos to YouTube and are on social gaming sites like Second Life etc.  My kids, not so much.  They have email, I let them on Opionaided (it is COPPA compliant) and they can play social games targeted at tweens that are COPPA compliant.

But the battle continues. Then comes the part that confuses me, although I know it should not.  Since becoming a single parent, I am more apt (perhaps more open) to talking with other parents at school events, temple, parties etc. – and they seem unaware of the kind of information their children are sharing on social networks.

 

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Making Today A Better Day Than Yesterday

This is cross-posted from Dad The Single Guy because I think the audience here will have a different take on this one:

While it sounds simple, for the last 18 months or so I’ve tried to focus on getting day-to-day for me and the girls, and along the way doing the best I can to make today better than yesterday.  And I’ve tried to help the girls understand this philosophy and implement it in their day-to-day as well.  Along the way there have been successes and failures.  By my rough count-we come out ahead though; more wins than losses.

I paid my doctor a visit yesterday-it has been a while, and as I was giving the nurse the updates on my history, I told her I was now widowed and we discussed that briefly.  A little later in the discourse came the discussion of , “What meds do you take?”

I am not one to take meds needlessly.  In fact, even when the girls are sick, if it’s just a cold I really don’t medicate them, and almost never give them antibiotics.  It’s a personal choice.  So, when she asked me what meds I was on, I answered Zyrtec for my allergies.  Her response was, “Are you sure?”

I was pretty sure, so I asked her if she had anything good I could try.  She then told me she was expecting me to say some course of antidepressants.  And I was taken aback by that.  I’ve never even thought about needing that.  It’s just never been a part of my thought process.  Mind you, I am in weekly therapy, and the girls between school and private go twice a week-and yet I just have never even thought about it.

Which made me ask if she thought I needed it.  Her response was, “Men are good at hiding their emotions anyway.”  I am barely in my doctor’s office once a year, so there is no real way the nurse there would know my baseline, so I let the whole conversation slide-but it does make me think…

Am I too focused on the moment?  Is it time to start thinking about tomorrow and next week and pull the focus away from what is happening now?

There is a good case to be built for that-for too long my focus has been on making sure today is a good day that we are missing out on what is ahead; not taking advantage of all there is.

But that said, there is still so much complexity in the here and now that I don’t think in total we would be doing as well without focusing on it.

So onward we go, perhaps over simplified-but when all is said and one, today will be better than yesterday.

 

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Work, Life and What’s In Between

I am cross posting this verbatim from my Dad the Single Guy blog because I think it will work as is for this audience as well:

A friend of mine who studies and embraces work-life balance shared a link on her Facebook recently to a US News blog about managing the work environment when things at home are not going very well.   And seeing as I’ve lived that experience, I was wondering how close I came to following the thoughts in the blog, since clearly I did not have the blog to fall back on.

(As an aside, of all of the things I have spent time researching, that is not one of them.  I always went with a mix of gut instinct and need to know, rather than creating a strategy).

Over the 13+ years I went to work with a wife at home with a brain tumor, in a rough count, I told or confided in 21 people at the supervisor level.  In some cases I told managers of managers, so all of these people were not my immediate supervisors, but all had supervisory responsibilities over me or my immediate bosses.  (I should say about two-thirds of this list covers the five years I spent working for CBS).  The other high-level observation is that the list grows quickly over the last 18 months as Risa’s condition worsened.

The 21 people noted above do not include my peers or the people who I managed who I also confided in over the years.  So without 1-critiquing the US News post and 2-offering up a check list of do’s and don’ts, here are some thoughts:

Maintain professionalism at all times.  Don’t say more than you are comfortable with and know how you will end the conversation on your terms.  People are generally curious, and try to relate things back to their own point of reference, it helps them understand the event.  Know where your limits are and be willing to say, “I really don’t want to get into that.”

Be honest with your boss(es) and co-workers.  You know what you are dealing with and you (should) know what that is doing to your mental and physical capacity.  The work will keep on piling up whether you can take it on or not.  You need to ask yourself if you can handle it, and try to stop the flow when it gets overwhelming.

Along these lines, see if you can work from home.  I know in my case, I commute 4 or so hours a day.  Work from home is time back.  Also, don’t be afraid to take a mental health day (and when you can wrap it into a long weekend).  Taking a day to take someone you are caring for to medical treatment, or dealing with a personal issue is not the downtime you need.  Physically and mentally, I found the odd mental health day did wonders.

Find a place to escape.  For me, it’s the gym.  Under normal circumstances, you’ll find me at the gym at 345 in the morning.  It’s not an ideal time for anything other than sleeping, and I know that.  But I also know it’s the time I can go to the gym and not have to worry about anything, deal with anything, get texts or call–it’s truly “me”time with no distractions.

There is a way to balance personal life issues with a full-time work schedule-and even personal life issues with your personal life so it’s not all over-whelming.  You do need to feel out the people you interact with and know what their limitations are-both to cope with you while you are coping and to potentially have to pick up some additional work or responsibilities while you are out.

During my career I’ve gotten two great pieces of advice about how to handle these stressful situations.  I just so happens, both came from female bosses.

One when my younger brother died suddenly.  My boss (I was working at ABC News) told me to do what I had to do to get it right-because I only had one shot at it.  And looking at that advice more at the macro level and less micro to that specific event-she was right.  Do what you need to do.  Know what you need to do and communicate that to the people you need to.  From there the rest follows.

The other piece I got was when I started at CBS News and my boss at the time asked me if it was OK to ask me questions about treatments, radiation and dealing with cancer.  What I did not know at the time was that her mother was approaching end-stage cancer.  We all carry something, and whether we mean to or not, we tend to judge one another on how we carry those things.

Your boss, co-worker or peer has something going on in their life that pulls their focus away.  It’s not a contest who has it worse-we all have degrees of things we have to carry.  Be compassionate and considerate.

 

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Hallmark and the Single Parent

So here it is the first year I am officially a single parent, and no one told me about Single Parent Day-I completely missed it.  (For those like me who are uninitiated to this Hallmark moment, its the third Sunday of March).

I did spend my  Single Parent Day out being a single parent, juggling back-to-back softball practices, play dates, shopping, dinner and getting ready for school today; and did so flawlessly so another day of being a single parent was successful.

I took a look at the National Single Parent Day website, and while there is not a lot there, it does kind of make sense-because there are more non-traditional families in the country than traditional.  But given that statistical reality, should we commemorate “married couple day” too?

I am not sure what I would do if I had even realized there was a Single Parent Day before stumbling upon a reference on Twitter.  Coincidentally I had been working on a post on my Dad the Single Guy blog about plans and making plans when I realized I missed the chance to plan for a new day.

I don’t mean to be cynical about these events-but I am not sure Hallmark moments are truly what is needed.  If it were, we should have a lets do our best day, and make that every day.

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When Chores are Done, But They Aren’t Chores

Chores are done todayFor the last two years (maybe even longer) and ongoing struggle in my house is getting the girls (both of them) to do their chores.  I don’t think I have given them a huge burden to take on-washing dishes, vacuuming once/week, cleaning rooms, putting laundry away and taking out the garbage (nightly).  There are two, and the chores are divided-and they are directly tied to their allowance.

Its a simple equation, do your chores, get your allowance no questions asked.  Don’t do your chores, no allowance; once again no questions asked.

Lets say I’ve saved $40/month for the last four months. Yeah its been that long since they managed to do their chores for a full week. Mostly clean floors, oh yeah

Which made today kind of interesting.  With my bi-weekly cleaning lady on vacation-and not scheduled to be here for six weeks I implemented a weekly cleaning ritual today that went over incredibly well.  Each of us (including me) had to clean and vacuum our bedrooms.  We each had one bathroom to clean.  The person (in this case 10.5) who cleaned the 1/2 bath also had to mop the hardwood floors and 8.0 had to vacuum the living room and family room.

Some non-inspired moaning and groaning by 10.5 (if I ask her to do anything other than text her friend via her iPod Touch or get dressed there is moaning and groaning) and all the work was done.

As one of my friends via Twitter pointed out, the girls did their chores.

But we didn’t call it chores, there was no chart, there is no record keeping.  It was just, Christina is on vacation and lets get it done.

So everyone, shhh, its a secret.  They really did their chores.  OK?

 

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Breaking the Rules: The Best Part of Parenting?


A few years ago, my sister-in-law took her pre-teen daughter to the midnight opening of the first Twilight movie. On a school night. I always thought that was the coolest thing ever. Granted, part of the reason I thought it was so cool is because it was a break from the norm. My brother and sister-in-law run a pretty tight ship. Rules are enforced and the kids are well-behaved.

However, when Kim taught kindergarten, she encountered way too many parents who didn’t seem to think any rules were important. Their kids had no set bedtimes, watched rated-R movies, and pretty much ran the household.

So to be clear, I think setting boundaries is one of the most important jobs a parent has, as unpopular as it can often be.

But it’s easy for the good parents to get so caught up in enforcing rules that they forget that they have permission to break them once in a while.

I was reminded of this fact recently during a short conversation with a guy after one of my speaking programs. He had a gruff exterior, but the story he shared proved that inside, he was all gummy bear.

“A few years ago,” he began, “when my kids were young, I said, ‘C’mon, kids, we’re going to the circus.’”

“We can’t dad,” the kids replied. “We have school!”

I’m the dad. We’re going.”

He went on to explain what a great time they had at the circus that day. And with a dumbfounded grin, he remembered that the reaction of his kids was as if he had just handed them a million dollars.

Exactly.

What good is the authority of parenthood if all you ever do is make rules?

Don’t forget that the best parents also make sure to break them once in a while.

Photo credit: Jennifer Lamb

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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Life’s Journey, One Day At A Time

Its great to be able to contribute to this blog and perhaps find others who are trying to take on life’s challenges one day at a time, and in some cases one crisis at a time.

By way of introduction, I am a recently widowed father of two girls.  There’s tons of background about it on my site Dad the Single Guy so I won’t dive too deep into that.

365 AT DAY 016

Can I look back at the guy in the mirror when I shave? If I can, its all good.

One of the reasons I asked Chris and his team if I could start blogging here as well is because I wanted a chance to reach new people who are in the same challenge as I am, or perhaps who have been through it.  Ironically, I am not a big reader of self-help books or blogs.  But I do think we can all help one another-and the most important part of that is to be out there and want to be helped (and to offer help).

One of the toughest lesssons for me to come to grips with as a single father (I became a widow in December but the reality is I’ve been a single parent for almost two years because of my wife’s debilitating illness) is  never having true down time.  There is always one more thing to do, one more event to schedule and one more errand to run.

That said, its great because I am very close with my girls.  8.0 and 10.5 are outwardly very normal kids-and that is by design.  So each day we get two feet on the floor and take it on-hoping that the guy looking back at me in the mirror when I am shaving is able to look me in the eye.

Hopefully going forward this can be a two-way (or even more than that) dialog about how to meet the challenges of being a dad in the early 2000′s and be successful doing it.
Creative Commons License photo credit: justDONQUE.images

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Be An Organ Donor Today

I was intimately struck by a piece of news last week that, although covered by everyone from the New York Times and Washington Post (who first reported the news) is getting far less buzz than the revolution in Egypt, the political hubub in Madison, Wisconsin and who’s going to be the big winner at this year’s Oscar’s.

It’s a story fraught with huge philosophical and moral consequences.

It’s a proposed change to the way the kidney transplant system works in the United States and, in short, it would start to (for the first time) factor age into the rules that determine which patients on the nation’s kidney transplant list are provided the most sought-after transplant organ.

Says the Times: “patients and kidneys would each be graded, and the healthiest and youngest 20 percent of patients and kidneys would be segregated into a separate pool so that the best kidneys would be given to patients with the longest life expectancies. The remaining 80 percent of patients would be put into a pool from which the network that arranges for organ matches, called the United Network for Organ Sharing, would try to ensure that the age difference between kidney donors and recipients is no more than 15 years.”

Why do I care about this proposal?  If it had been implemented in the mid-90s, there’s a good chance my father would have died long before he did.

My dad, at a fairly young age, was struck with a kidney disease (the name of which escapes me sadly) that set him on path towards an eventual kidney transplant.  For years he knew that his kidney function would slowly deteriorate to the point that he eventually began dialysis three times a week.  If you’ve never known someone someone on dialysis, it robs you of your energy, your zest for daily life.  And it’s never ending.  You will be on dialysis until you receive a kidney transplant or until you die.

So on that night in the fall of 1995 when the phone rang at 3 a.m. to tell my father that due to a tragic motorcycle accident in Iowa, it was time to make the drive from Chicago to Milwaukee where a perfectly matched kidney would be awaiting him.  He was, at the time, in his early sixties and frankly, scared out of his mind.  We didn’t leave the house for nearly an hour while he and my mom talked through his fears. “I don’t know if I can do this,” he said, visibly scared to me for the first time in my life.

We made the trip, the transplant was a success and he lived long enough to, among other things, see me marry my wife.  Had he not been diagnosed with lung cancer five years later, who’s to say that he wouldn’t still be here with us?  But it raises a serious question in light of the new proposed rules: was this the right moral and ethical decision?  Based on time on a transplant list and quality of the match, was my dad the right person to get this kidney?  If there had been someone with the same disease he had contracted, the same quality of match, yet 30 years younger, does that individual deserve the kidney more than my father?

From my perspective, I’m clearly biased from my personal life experience.  Do we know that the 30-year-old will be able to bring better societal contributions purely based on his age and projected lifespan?  Do we know that because the 30-year-old drives to and from work each day that he will be more likely to be in a car accident than the man in his 60s who doesn’t drive as much?  Can we quantify the joy brought to any family by whatever time you spend with an individual during the 525,600 minutes they spend on Earth each year?

Whatever you say, one thing’s clear: if more people became organ donors, there’d be less of an issue because more people die each year with kidneys that could save and prolong lives than need them.  So sign the back of your driver’s license and make that gift to someone when you’re gone.  You can’t take it with you and I can say hand’s down, having my father at my wedding remains one of my fondest memories of my time with him.

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“It’s the WAY you said it!”

My son came downstairs, crying.

“I don’t even know WHY I got punished!”

“Well, what did you say?” I asked.

“I said, ‘Well, that’s ok, your chores are small.’” (That was out of context for me but I know Beth doesn’t give arbitrary punishments.)

So I asked, “Would you like to learn something?”

Words, tone, metamessages

I counseled,

They say that only seven percent of what you communicate is from the words you use. 55 percent is the tone you use. And 33 percent is your mannerisms … were you rolling your eyes, etcetera.

Zachary paused and looked at me.

“But that’s only 95 percent!”

[Pause.] [Smile of appreciation, knowing he got the point.]

“Thanks for correcting my mathematical error, Zachary. It’s 38 percent mannerisms.”

Coda

I went upstairs. “Did you hear all of that?” I asked my wife. He said he only said  ’Well, that’s ok, your chores are small.’”

She smiled, “Yes, he was being rude and I said I would give him an extra chore. He dismissed me by saying, ‘Your chores are small.’ So I said, “OK! Laundry!!”

Seems like a fitting punishment to me.

P.S. As he came downstairs crying, his brother said, “Would you like me to love you?” And we both held Zachary and comforted him. Something in our parenting is working.

Good luck from a fellow dad,

:: Joe Hage is CEO and Founder of medical device marketing firm Medical Marcom ::

Other posts from Joe Hage
The Wonder Years
When your child says, “I’m Bored!”
Tweet your Kids, Parts One, Two, Three, Four, and Five
Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1, Rule #2, Rule #3
Dermott

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Mud is Too Dirty: Have You Become Your Parents?

Comic by Jason Kotecki

Having kids does weird things to you.

The gravity of being the one responsible for the care and development of another human being can be overwhelming. The role of responsible “grown-up” can make you terribly paranoid, overly strict, and endlessly stressed-out.

In other words, completely Adultitis-ridden.

A woman named Johanna recently described this transformation on her blog:

I realized I had Adultitis when our second child was born 6 years ago. Bugs were icky, mud was too dirty and craft projects too messy. I thought to myself, when did this happen? I used to love playing with bugs and especially, my all time favorite childhood past time, making mud pies. That same day I took my then one and three year old out into the backyard to play in the mud. The process to heal myself of Adultitis has been at a standstill. This year my resolution is to find something more exciting to do with the dear husband than walk around Costco on date night.

I’m sure that many parents can relate to this turn of events. One day we’re free spirits enjoying life, and the next day we’ve turned into our parents. When you’re the one responsible for laundry, mud pies don’t seem so appetizing anymore.

Too often we resign ourselves to a life that is void of fun and adventure.

But that is not your only choice! It is not an all-or-nothing proposition.

Having kids gives you permission to be goofy, and to do things you probably wouldn’t have felt as comfortable doing before you had them. Building snow forts in your front yard. Dressing up for Halloween and going trick-or-treating. Demonstrating “proper technique” when using a Slip ’n Slide.

One of the most important responsibilities of any parent is to keep their children safe, teach them how to function in society, and discipline them when necessary.

But the truly fortunate kids are the ones who also have parents who take the time to get down and dirty with them, to teach them not to take themselves too seriously, and to treat life as the adventure it is meant to be.

Sometimes it seems like that person is long gone.

If so, have no fear. You’ve got some pint-sized teachers living in your house that I’m sure would be happy to show you how to make a proper mud pie. All you have to do is let them lead and have some fun.

After all, I’m pretty sure that’s why God invented washing machines and laundry detergent.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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When Your Child Says “I’m Bored!”

“I’m bored!”

“I don’t know what to do!”

“I’m sooo bored! This is boring!!”

What to do when your child is bored

When I was younger I learned, “It’s good to be bored. It teaches you patience. There will be times in your adult life when you are bored and there will be no one to rescue you.”

(No, that didn’t work for me either.)

So I started poking around the Web. Surely someone’s written about this.

The first thing I found said, “Figure out if she just wants your company. You’ll know if she rejects your ideas for activities she’d do alone. So invite her to chat with you while you pay bills or make dinner.” This may work for the child; less so for me. The boredom cries typically coincide with me having to work. So, indulge or not?

Then it said, “Suggest something unusual” like reading a story to the cat. This sounds more like a strategy for very young children. Mine would be perfectly fine playing more video games!

This one is most like what I learned years ago. “Let her be bored. Don’t rescue her as soon as she complains. Tell her you’ll help her in 15 minutes. By then, she may find a way to keep herself busy.” We’re getting closer, but something tells me Lucas will be back 15 minutes from now.

Child Boredom: A Gift?

Child boredom certainly doesn’t feel like a gift … but this article got me closer to where I started.

It says boredom is a chance for our child to develop skills that will help them leave the nest and lead a full and fulfilling life.

“Part of becoming a successful adult is the ability to problem solve and creatively live one’s life. When your kid says to you, “I’m bored,” what he is really saying to you is that right now I have no idea how to creatively fill my time. Not only is your child’s boredom not a crisis that you need to fill, but it is a huge opportunity for your child to create something out of that bored feeling that will be satisfying and help him develop and mature.”

I also liked the article’s perspective that in an increasingly scheduled and overstimulated society, if your child is occasionally bored, that’s a GOOD thing! “That means you have created some space in his life for him to grow and develop, and you will reap the rewards later if you handle the situation correctly!”

Did this article resonate with you? How do you deal with your child’s boredom?

Good luck from a fellow dad,

:: Joe Hage is CEO and Founder of medical device marketing firm Medical Marcom ::

Other posts from Joe Hage
Tweet your Kids, Parts One, Two, Three, Four, and Five
Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1, Rule #2, Rule #3
Dermott

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The World’s Biggest Magnifying Glass (and the fires it starts)

As a kid, do you remember the time you took a big old magnifying glass and used it to concentrate a beam of sunlight to try and start a fire?  More often than not, the object of your makeshift laser weapon – a dry leaf, a slip of paper, or, if you were really daring, an unlit match – would start to smoke a little, but to get it to light up took a lot of time and patience. Along the way you probably yelled “ouch” a time or two, as you stuck your own hand under the bright beam to see if it really was getting hot.  As a parent, you likely repeated this experiment with your own child one sunny afternoon when they reached that wonderful age of wonder and you came across that old magnifying glass that’s been in the drawer forever.  You used the simple rules of refraction to simultaneously teach your kid multiple lessons about science and safety.  About how something seemingly simple and accessible can also become something powerful and potentially dangerous.  It is a lesson we must continue to teach our kids today, because they are regularly using the world’s biggest magnifying glass.

The World’s Biggest Magnifying Glass: The Internet

While reading this article in the New York Times in their continuing series on Cyber Bullying, I was reminded that the real problem with the online world that is so increasingly intertwined with our kids’ evolving social lives is that they don’t understand that the Internet is not just a vast and easy information and communications platform for their giggles and gossip – it is in fact The World’s Biggest Magnifying Glass!  Forget Texas, everything is bigger on the Internet.  Everything is amplified on the Internet by the simple fact that once something is posted online it is at the same time so easy to spread and so hard to remove.  The dumb remark that would be quickly forgotten in the school yard of yesteryear is now instantly spread to hundreds, if not thousands of Facebook pages by the time a kid realizes, “gee, I probably shouldn’t have said that.”  There is no easy way to retract or redact, so childhood inexperience and innocent stupidity quickly becomes painful fact.  The Magnifying powers of the Internet can fuel more fires and burn more friends and relationships faster than any concentrated bit of sunlight ever could.

Magnify The Examples

The World’s Biggest Magnifying Glass is not partial and also amplifies good things too, making it easy and practical to share knowledge, and help others, and raise awareness for worthy causes.  With that in mind our goal is not necessarily to scare our kids off the Internet or restrict them to the point that they are also missing out on the many benefits of our connected world.  One way, perhaps, is to focus on the Magnifying Glass and teach kids that just as you can get burned by the glass in the drawer if you use it with the sun, so can you get burned by the Internet, if you let it magnify things that are better left in the drawer.  With my own three kids, I have tried to focus on the fact that this magnification means that they should assume that anything and everything they post online will be magnified to the point where it will be seen by their parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, employers and future employers.  Before saying anything online they should ask themselves if it is something they are comfortable with being seen by everyone in that magnified audience.

Do you agree?  How do you teach your kids to play safely with The World’s Biggest Magnifying Glass?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

Photo Credit: © Scott Maxwell – Fotolia.com

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Don’t Stop…

The Turkey bones are bare, the stuffing has left your guests stuffed and the stuffed guests have left your house.  The television is free to be tuned to programming other than football and you are free to go back to the old grind…  Work. School. Life.

Why Does Thanks Need A Day?

The family focus of Thanksgiving is a wonderful thing, and any cause to celebrate being with your family is a worthy cause that should be celebrated. Reconnecting with children, siblings, parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews and friends gathered from distances far and near can only be a welcome annual tradition. But why do we need a special day to acknowledge all that we have to be thankful for? The things that we are grateful for were with us before the Turkey got his goose cooked, and hopefully, we will continue to have much to be thankful for long after the last leftover has been digested.

Do It Daily

There is no better way to keep things in perspective than to recognize the things you have to be thankful for, large and small, every day, and to remember that whatever you have to be thankful for, there is someone else who does not have as much. Being grateful is great, but there is no reason to limit yourself to appreciate the blessings in your life only on special occasions.  As I look around me I see so much to be thankful for, and I hope you do too.  If I look past the noise and see what really matters, I can see reasons for every day to be Thanksgiving, can’t you?

So, no matter when you might be reading this… Happy Thanksgiving!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

?Photo Credit: © Stephen Coburn – Fotolia.com

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If You Can Read This… Be Thankful!

If you awaken to a house full of noisy kids… be thankful.
If you are tired because you spent half the night feeding and rocking an infant to sleep… be thankful.
If you are late for work because you walked your son or daughter to the bus stop and the bus never showed… be thankful.
If you are frustrated because you really don’t know how to do the math to help your kid with the homework… be thankful.
If you had to change your outfit twice in a day because of spittle and spills… be thankful.
If you worry about money because school costs so damn much… be thankful.
If you have no time for yourself (but make time for your kids)… be thankful.
If you can collapse a stroller easily with one hand… be thankful.
If you read more nursery rhymes than novels lately… be thankful.
If you know the smell of a baby’s head… be thankful.
If you cry because your child cries… be thankful.
If you worry your kid will get hurt every time they are not in your sight… be thankful.
If you have ever been grossed out by things you never dreamed could be pooped out of a tiny butt… be thankful.
If you angrily left work early to attend a parent-teacher conference… be thankful.
If you caught yourself cursing or acting badly in front of your kids… be thankful.
If you have ever lost your temper and yelled like a banshee, scaring your child and yourself… be thankful.
If you are uplifted simply by the smile of your son or daughter… be thankful.
If hearing “I love you Daddy” has turned an awful day into the best day ever… be thankful.
If there’s a little person in the world who wants to be just like you when they grow up… be thankful.
If you have been embarrassed in public by your child in the midst of a kicking, screaming irrational tantrum… be thankful.
If you know the joy of watching your kid do anything for the very first time… be thankful.
If you have spent an entire weekend sweating with frustration while assembling a swing set… be thankful.
If you have ever canceled something you were really looking forward to because your little one was sick… be thankful.
If you ache with love for your child in ways that words simply cannot do justice… be thankful.
If you have ever swapped a tooth under the pillow for some money… be thankful.
If you have ever sat, bored out of your mind, through tedious school productions… be thankful.
If you have ever braced yourself in the passenger seat as your teenager gets behind the wheel… be thankful.
If you tell your kid “yes you can!” even when you are not so sure… be thankful.
If you want more for your kids than you ever dreamed of for yourself… be thankful.
If you know how to change a diaper… be thankful.
If “crib” means more to you than a celebrity’s house… be thankful.
If you find yourself bragging shamelessly about your child’s accomplishment… be thankful.

If you are a parent… be thankful.

It is so easy to forget how truly fortunate we are, and how so many of the things that really matter, we already have.

If you can read this… be thankful.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

Photo Credit: © 2Dot – Fotolia.com

Related Post: Ten Reasons To Be Thankful For Your Kids At Thanksgiving

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Building Your Daughter’s Self-Esteem

confident girlsOur oldest daughter, now 7, asked me a question recently that set me back on my heels. “What’s special about me?”  It took me by surprise because she has always been a confident, outgoing kid.  The thing about this simple question that made me pause was that she wasn’t fishing for a compliment, she really meant it.  She was having a momentary crisis of self-confidence and she was looking to me for help.  When she asked it,  I heard s a little voice in my head say, “Be careful dad, don’t screw this one up.  Moments like this is where strippers come from.”

When it comes to raising my daughters, I feel a lot like the classic Chris Rock bit where he talks about his one job as a father being to keep his daughter off the dance pole.  As funny as that bit is, there is a lot of truth there.  As dads, we have a huge impact on the way our daughters feel about themselves, and men.  Like Chris Rock says, “They don’t grade fathers, but if your daughter’s a stripper, you [screwed] up.”

So when my daughter asked me to tell her what made her special, I knew not to take it lightly.  It’s not like it was hard to think of an answer.  I’m her dad, and coming up with things that make my daughter special was like trying to find something to watch on TV on a Sunday afternoon.  Sort of a no brainer.  Since then, I have been thinking a lot about my little girl’s self-esteem.

I guess she’s just at that age when the self-esteem starts to drop off, on the way to adolescence when I’m sure it will hit it’s all time low.   Good times.  So I’m no psychologist, but here are my tips for boosting your daughter’s self-esteem.  You don’t have to pay any attention, but if your daughter starts wearing clear heels and changes her name to her birth stone, don’t come crying to me.

So here are 5 things I am doing to help build up my daughter’s self esteem:

Give her your undivided attention

When you talk to your kids, put down the iPhone or Blackberry, and look ‘em in the eye.  I’m as guilty of this one as anyone, but multitasking can send the wrong message.  When your kid asks you a question let them know they are important by stopping, looking them in they eye, and talking to them.  Sure it’s not realistic to do this every time, but more often than not, give them the respect you expect back.  You know how you feel when she won’t look up from the TV to answer you? It’s like that for her too.

Give her compliments

A few time a day, be sure to compliment her on something.  Now don’t be the dad that goes around praising every little thing she does.  Nobody likes that guy.  But a little deserved praise goes a long way.   Try not to make everything about how she looks either.  Sure you want to tell her she looks pretty, but you also have to let her know she’s smart, and nice, and funny.  We all know girls who grew up only hearing how pretty they were.  We don’t want want our daughters to be those girls.

Watch what you say about yourself

This one goes for the moms and dads.  If your daughter hears you saying how fat you think you are, or how dumb, it’s going to effect her internal dialog as well.  Our kids model our behavior especially at a young age, so show her a confident parent.  Keep your hangups about yourself to yourself.

Encourage her

We all want to protect our kids from disappointment, but sometimes we can go overboard.  I think it’s better to fail than not to try, and I let my daughter’s know that.  When they do fail, and they will, you need to bring out your best glass half-full stuff.  So don’t say that she probably won’t make the team to try to soften the blow if she doesn’t.  Encourage her to push herself and let her know that she will fail sometimes, but the only way to find out what you’re good at is to try lots of things.

Be the model you want her to see

Be careful about the signals you send to your daughter about women, because she’s going to notice what you say and think.  Let her know you respect women because they are smart or talented.  Make sure she hears you talking about her mom and other women in a respectful way.  The way your daughter hears you talk about women will impact how she will let others talk to her.

So there are 5 things I’m doing to try to help boost my daughter’s self-esteem.  I’m no Dr. Phil, but I’m going to do everything I can to raise a confident, strong daughter.  She’s lucky to have such a good role model in her mom, but I’m going to try to do my part as well.  What do you think?  Let me know or add your tips in the comments.

Ian is the father of two young daughters  (7, and 2).  He has a podcast about starting a business while raising young children at Startup Daddy.

Photo By Pink Sherbet Photography
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The Man (Dad) In The Mirror

Lately I have been reflecting on reflections, literally and figuratively.  Perhaps it is the melancholy that I normally associate with the fast approaching Holiday Season, or maybe it is symptomatic of simply aging, and watching my kids grow.  It seems I notice mirrors and reflections at every turn these days, from the literal mirror mirror hanging on the wall, to the mirrored reflection I see of myself off the glare of the screen of my computer, phone or iPad.  Sometimes I am shocked and surprised by the reflections I see, because at first it is not me I see, but my own Dad.  I have to do a “double take” to realize it is me, and that yes, I must be starting to resemble my father that much. Mind you, I love and admire my Dad, so this is not a bad thing, just, in that fleeting moment of recognition, the similarities are surprising, if not startling.

Kids Are Mirrors Too

I also see reflections of myself in my children, in both the things they say and do, and ways they say and do them.  This too, at times, can be surprising.  Even though intellectually we know that we leave our imprint on our kids, both genetically and otherwise, now that my “kids” are really “young adults” in their own right, the traits they have adopted from their parents seem more pronounced as our mutually adult experiences become more closely aligned.  Work and study habits and ethic… Sense of humor (corny jokes and puns included)…  Even some less desirable traits seem to be constant reminders of the oft stated adage, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…”  This is a phrase I share with my offspring often, most recently in a post to my daughter’s Facebook wall the other day in response to her status update declaring, “Once again procrastination has gotten the best of me…”  I had to laugh as, though much improved from my younger days, I still might qualify as a professional procrastinator myself.

Of course, if procrastination is the worst trait to fall off this tree I have quite a lot to be thankful for (and I do).  For the most part, I am really happy with the reflections of my parents that I see in me, and the fruits of me and their mom that I see reflected in my kids.

How about you?  What are the reflections you see in your family? Are you surprised by them?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

Photo Credit: © Clara Dinand – Fotolia.com

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If your child likes video games …

… then you MUST see if there is a GameTruck franchise serving your market.

I showed my eight-year-old the video below and he went nuts. “How many days until my birthday?!” he exclaimed.

I met the “GameTruck guy” at a networking event and became friendly with him. [Disclosure: I helped him with marketing ideas so he let me bring Zachary and Lucas over for free.] Of course, it was almost impossible to get them out of the truck.

Here’s 8yo Zach (only 88 more days until his birthday!), telling you about his GameTruck experience:

It was great. It had, like, all these video games! There’s all these posters of them and there were, like, four 55-inch TVs with … it was just really great … I just didn’t want to get out.

There were some Rock Bands, some Super Mario games, Super Smash Brothers, um, there was some driving games (which I beat you and mom in!), and Lucas would not get off the drum set. He would just bang on whatever he wanted (my six-year-old brother, that is).

Everybody was just together, so when you had one game you wanted to play, you know you had more than one person to do it with.

Personally, I love this concept because if I have to go to one more Pump It Up or Chuck E. Cheese party I am going to scream! The Truck shows up at your house, the kids pile in, and they have a “Game Coach” to supervise the kids, promote fair play, and show them how to play the games. Our job, as parents, is to send 16 kids into the Truck for two hours and sit inside, have a drink and adult conversations. We don’t have to worry if they are safe / if somebody wandered off, etc.

Cool, huh? You can find out more at http://GameTruckParty.com. The Seattle guy runs promos on his Facebook fan page. Leave a comment and tell me what you think of the concept.

:: Joe Hage ::

Other posts from Joe Hage
Tweet your Kids, Parts One, Two, Three, Four, and Five
Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1, Rule #2, Rule #3
Behold the Marshmallow
Dermott

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5 Last Minute Tips For A Happy Halloween

Boo!  It’s Halloween, the day when pumpkins prevail, werewolves and witches win, and ghosts are all good!  While the commercialism of this hallowed eve has certainty grown over the years, with everyone seemingly looking to scare up some Halloween business, it still remains one of the most pure FUN days of the year.  What was mostly a candy feast for kids (when I was of Trick or Treatin’ age) has become a cavalcade of costumes and commercialism for “children of all ages.”  From companies, to restaurants to retailers everyone wants to get in on the Halloween fun.

If you’ve been too scared to get properly prepared for Halloween this year, here are some things you can do TODAY, without leaving your home, to still make sure the visitors from your neighborhood have a Happy Halloween:

5 Last Minute Tips For A Happy Halloween

1) Eerie Music – Nothing sets the mood better than some scary tunes and sound effects wafting through your house on Halloween. Stick a speaker outside, in a window or behind the front door and crank up the screams! No need to run to the store or buy any special music.  In five minutes and for FREE you can set up a HALLOWEEN PARTY station on PANDORA and blast it from your PC, laptop, smart-phone, etc.  No PC?  Check your local radio stations (or satellite if you are a subscriber) as many markets feature Halloween themed music blocks today. (UPDATE: Here is a great Free Halloween Music resource from Mashable.)

2) Cash vs. Candy – If you didn’t buy any, or run out of candy, you can still put a smile on most kids’ costumed faces by dumping a handful of clinking coins into their goodie bag.  Halloween is a great time to lighten the load on that giant “loose change” jar you’ve been filling aimlessly over the years.  If your budget permits (and you don’t get all that many Trick or Treaters) you could also dole out dollar bills.  Coins and cash are also low in calories, do not contain any high fructose corn syrup and will not induce the “sugar high” and resulting wild behavior often associated with the aftermath of Halloween.

3) Monster In The Closet — Need a last minute costume?  Look in your closet, or better yet, look in your spouse’s closet.  Odd hats, mis-matched clothes and “cross-gender” dressing always makes for a surprised look on the faces of visiting neighborhood candy collectors.  For added impact, act as natural as you can, as if this is ALWAYS the way you dress at home…  Oh, and if you are a guy, don’t forget the sloppily applied lipstick. Nothing says “crazy” better…

4) The Element Of Surprise – Sure it is fun to decorate your yard or front door, but there are other ways to make it “interesting” for the kids who dare to ring your bell in pursuit of sweets.  Is there a place you can hide and surprise them from behind as they approach your door?  A good old fashioned unexpected “BOO!” still does the trick.  If you are an apartment dweller and have no place to hide, put your peephole to good use.  When you see the kids arriving, get ready and as they reach out to knock or ring your bell, pull the door open and yell “BOO!” before they are ready!

5) Darkness At The Edge Of Town – Next to sounds and music, lighting is perhaps the best way to “set the mood.”  Turn out most of the lights and keep your house darker than usual.  Safely use candles and place them strategically to create an eerie flicker and glow.  Keep your hallway dark (except perhaps for a candle) and when you open your door, shine a flashlight under your chin (a la “Blair Witch Project“) to add some scary shadows to your otherwise delightful mug.

If you have been procrastinating this Halloween, I hope these few fright-filled tips will help you bring home the horror this evening.  If you have some last minute Halloween tips of your own, please add them to the comments!

Most of all, have a fun, safe and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

Past Halloween Posts:

How To Tell A Killer Scary Story

Bitter Sweets

Fangs For The Memories

Photo Credit: © ganzoben – Fotolia.com

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Lice, Lice, Baby! (Cast of Dads #34)

If you have kids then there is a good chance that at one time or another you may have found yourself scratching your head and asking “how do I get rid of lice???”  It’s a question that has been itching a few of the Cast of Dads (and their kids) so we talk about some things you can do when your family is having a lice time around the house.  Of course, we don’t cap our conversation at critters, and go off on several hair-raising and hair shaving tangents.  In addition, in the spirit of Halloween, it seems some digital devil has taken over CC’s voice, making his banter sound a bit like Beelzebub himself has joined the Cast of Dads…

You can LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 34 BY CLICKING HERE.

Topics discussed in this episode include:

If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

Photo Credit: © Sascha Burkard – Fotolia.com

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Behold the marshmallow

My (almost) nine-year-old Zachary was terribly frustrated doing his homework a few weeks back.

“I’m so mad! I just want to throw something!”

Choices

Now, think. As a parent, what do you say to that?

  • It’s ok, honey.
  • Calm down. Let’s see what’s the problem?
  • Zach, you’re over-reacting! Can you just do your homework quietly?

Marshmallows

My fantastic wife Beth had a different solution:  Zach was mad. He wanted to throw something. And so we let him.

Beth went to the cupboard and took out a bag of marshmallows. “Here,” she said, “Throw this.”

You should have seen Zachary light up and it put his temporary setback in perspective – a perspective he gained on his own, without any hectoring from us. “Really?! I can throw this?!” Soon after, his rage gave way to laughter and a loving “marshmallow fight” with mom.

The fact that he got to eat the projectile afterward didn’t hurt either.

Long-term effects

I picked up Zach from school the other day. His friend Joseph was coming over for a play date and Michael overheard. “You’re going to Zachary’s house?! You’re lucky. You get to have marshmallow fights!”

Now, that’s a happy ending.

Have any “my child is so mad and this is what I did” stories to share?

Good luck from a fellow dad,

:: Joe Hage ::

Other posts from Joe Hage: Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

Mom and Dad on Strike

Emploment Opprotunities

Dad’s Life Lessons on the Wall

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Encouragement VS. Discouragement

I have always been fascinated by language and how just a few letters, rearranged, can dramatically change the meaning of a word…how just a few words, rearranged, can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence…how just a few sentences, rearranged, can dramatically change the meaning of a paragraph…how just a few paragraphs… You get the idea. Think of the changes to the letters “couragement” when you append “en” to the beginning rather than “dis.” A few small letters, yet a massive impact in meaning…

What We Do, Not Say

As parents, the subtle signals we send our children can be just as simple and dramatic as the difference a few letters can make. When our kids come to us with a question or problem we choose, consciously or unconsciously, how to respond. We may barely give it thought before our words leave our mouths…we may be wholly unaware of the cues our body language is sending, and even our kids may not be fully aware of how deeply they are actually influenced by the same. Yet, the impact of our words and actions on our kids is huge and lasting.

Don’t Dis Me, Dad!

We may not realize it, but sometimes it is easier to add the “dis” than the “en” to the “couragement” we offer. We subtly add the “dis” by multitasking instead of giving our kids our full attention. I am often guilty of this offense, unconsciously signaling to my kids that they are not as important as my phone, or my computer or whatever else it is that has some or all of my attention while I half-heartedly answer them. It would be so easy to add the “en” and encourage them by putting down the phone, or iPad, or laptop, or book, or newspaper, or remote, and turn to look them in the eye, to stop and listen, really listen, and to offer words of true encouragement, guidance and our own unique wisdom. But too often we (I) don’t.

Encouragement Takes Courage

It is apparent that being a parent is hard, and challenging, but also perhaps the most rewarding of life’s gifts. There is some truth to the old adage that you get back what you put in. The joy you see on a child’s face when they know they have your undivided attention is real. So is the pride you feel when you see how your child grows and succeeds from the encouragement you have shared. As modern parents we live complicated, busy and stressful lives, which makes it easy at times to default to the “dis.” I am going to encourage myself to try harder to discard the “dis” and embrace the “en” when it comes to offering “couragement” to my kids.

How about you?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

Photo Credit: © Kabby – Fotolia.com

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Chris Cuomo’s Special on Bullying

Our own Chris Cuomo just did a very important special on 20/20 about bullying called “Bullied to Death in America’s Schools“. It was a powerful piece about the escalating number of tragedies caused by bullying. Far too many good kids are tortured by bullies and too many are taking their own lives. The special also covers the frustrations that many parents are experiencing as they try to get someone from school to help them protect their children. Far too many school officials just turn a blind eye towards this epidemic of bullying, citing they are doing everything they can to help and that there isn’t much of a problem at their school.

The special showcased a few heart-breaking stories from parents that lost their child as a result of constant torture from bullies at school and online. Two boys hung themselves after having their spirits crushed over the course of time with senseless and cruel personal attacks. The parents are left devastated wondering what else they could have done to save their precious child. They shared their experiences of talking to school officials who all said the same thing, how they couldn’t do anything about. How they could not patrol the hallways, bathrooms and school grounds.

Here are a view videos from Chris Cuomo and 20/20 on this important subject matter. Please watch them with your kids whether or not they’ve ever had the misfortune of dealing with bullies. They might be able to help those they know that are being abused. Please also share this information with other parents, teachers, lawmakers, congressmen, etc.

20/20 videos from Cuomo on the Case

3 Must-See short films about the impact of Bullying

  • Ontario Teachers’ Federation (OTF) Safe@School campain (Two must-see short films, “Taking Bullying Seriously” & “Hear Me Out”
  • The Bully Project is a moving film about the pain of bullying
  • The Bully Project Promo from Lee Hirsch on Vimeo.

    More Resources to Prevent Bullying

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    Travelin’ Dads Talk Kids & Travel Tips

    Business travel can be hard on a dad (or any parent) and being away from your kids can add stress to an already hectic travel schedule.  That said, traveling dads who are also closet geeks often find ways to leverage technology to keep in touch with the kids at home.  Thanks to the kismet of Twitter (“Twismet”), fellow Dad-O-Matic dad Chris Brogan and I discovered we were both in San Francisco earlier this week to speak at the same conference (DMA2010).  We were able to get together to make a short video and share some of the ways we handle our kids when we are on the road.

    How do you stay in touch with your kids when you travel? Please add your suggestions and tips in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    We Became Human Because We Started to Cook & Bacon

    I’ve long admired Michael Ruhlman’s writing. From his first-hand experience learning what it takes to become a CIA trained chef in The Soul of a Chef (my favorite) to his work with Thomas Keller on The French Laundry cookbook, he puts you in the kitchen and lets you live the experience as he has.

    So it was quite thrilling to hear he was part of the lineup at BlogHer Food ’10 in San Francisco last weekend, a gathering of more than 300 food bloggers covering everything from delicious dessert reviews to a mom who cooks gluten free and everything in between.

    Ruhlman had two opportunities where I think he dramatically inspired his audience.  He started by wrapping up the conference Saturday evening with an anecdote from Catching Fire: How Cooking Made Us Human by Harvard University Anthropologist Richard Wrangham.  In the book, Ruhlman said,  Wrangham poses the argument that we didn’t become human because we “tamed fire” or because of “some genetic accident.”

    No.  Ruhlman (via Wrangham) says we became human because we started to cook. Before we started to cook, apes would have to spend 6-8 hours per day chewing up enough food to get enough nourishment to sustain themselves.  ”Once we started cooking, we could consume enormous amounts of calories very quickly, leaving us all kinds of time to do other things,” Ruhlman said.  We could divide and conquer tasks. Some people could hunt while others cooked.

    And because of that, who we were changed as quickly as our genetics changed (larger brains fed by increased calories, less hair as we travelled longer distances more quickly to find food).  ”[Cooking] made us social,” Ruhlman said.  We had to cooperate with one another.  We had to change our temperament.  ”You couldn’t be an asshole if you wanted to eat,” Ruhlman said.

    Cooking food is what has made us human and over the past 50 years, he suggested, as Americans, we’ve started taking more shortcuts and stopped cooking as often.  Despite a dedicated TV network that’s seen in nearly 100 million American homes according to the New York Times in 2009, we spend less time in the kitchen than ever before.  Take a chicken recipe in a cooking magazine today and see how the same recipe was prepared 10 years ago and you’ll see the time’s been cut in half (thanks to boneless, skinless chicken breasts that require little, cleaning or preparation).  Obesity is at epidemic levels. The environment and the oceans are in trouble. Cooking “is really, really important,” he said.  ”Cooking is fundamental to our humanity.”  And we should do it more often, write about it more often, no matter whether you’re blogging about cupcakes or more serious issues.

    And with that, he drew a standing ovation from the crowd, which shortly thereafter retreated to the closing night event, where Ruhlman held a demonstration on how to properly cure and cook bacon.

    A quick bit of transparency and disclosure before you read any further: my company works for the National Pork Board who was a sponsor of the closing event and obviously benefits from any pork (bacon or otherwise) that you decide to buy and eat as a result of this post. They have not asked me to write this post, the have they not influenced any of the content and they did not pay Michael Ruhlman to talk about bacon.  That, he was able to easily do on his own.

    Bacon, he said, is a maligned meat.  It has a bad rap for a number of reasons, not the least of which is our perception as Americans about the role of fat in our diet.

    Here’s what he had to say: Michael Ruhlman on Bacon and Fat

    But more importantly than what he had to say about why it’s ok to eat bacon was what he had to say about how you can make your own bacon at home.  It’s not nearly as hard as I certainly thought…so check out his recipe about it here.  All you need is a piece of pork belly (any good butcher can get that for you he said) and some simple spices.  And time.  And a bit of water (yes, he put the cold bacon in a pan with tap water and brought it all to a boil before allowing all the water to evaporate and the bacon to cook).

    Good luck dads … go make some bacon now!  And then you too can look this happy:

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    From Diapers to Dirty Old Men: Cast of Dads #33

    Even a few dropped calls and technical glitches could not stop the Cast of Dads from chiming in on anything and everything that might be on a Dad’s mind… As the title of this post says we dive into a discussion that starts with diapers and ends with sex.  (Perhaps we had things backwards as oftentimes it is the sex that leads to the diapers….  hmmm.)  We also continue our discussion on bullies and buying cars (unrelated, of course…)

    You can LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS # 33 BY CLICKING HERE.

    Topics discussed in this episode:

    If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads Podcast please tell your friends about the show and subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    ?Photo Credit: © caraman – Fotolia.com?

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    Dad Should Be Magical Too

    Mom is magical.

    As I write this, my wife, Rocky, is in Kenya. But she uses magic to be with us each day. She will be there for nine more days working at Saint Monica’s Childrens Home. I know this number, not because I’m good with math or because I am so lost without her that I’m counting the moments until she returns. Though the latter may be closer to the truth than I’d like to admit, I know it’s nine days because before she left, she made a countdown chart for the kids. It’s held by magnets on the front of our fridge. The kids love it.

    Mom is magical.

    I watched the kids play in our backyard for hours today. They were playing with a cheap croquet set that my wife purchased before she left. She hid it behind the curtains of a window we never use. She then led the kids to it with clues, extracted from an envelope that was taped to the pantry door. The instructions on the outside: “Open on Friday, 10/8, After dinner.” There are six envelopes with clues taped to that door. The kids love it.

    Mom is magical.

    On our kitchen table sits a jar with 10 folded pieces of paper. The outside of the jar reads, “Mom’s Thank You Fors.” Each little piece of paper contains something she’s thankful for while away. Each of our six kids takes turns reading one at dinner each night as we do our own “thank you fors.” The kids love it.

    I’ve never been magical.

    I’ve never made a countdown chart for any trip I’ve ever been on. I’ve never left clues to hidden treasures. I’ve never left my thank you fors in a jar. I’ve never tried to make sure I was there, even when I wasn’t. I’ve never even thought about it before this moment. I bet the kids would love it.

    I should at least try to be magical.

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    Protecting Our Precious Angels

    Angelo, Fiera Antiquaria Arezzo

    The topic of bullying has always been important to me. I’ve seen the pain and anguish caused by bullying my whole life. Fortunately for me, I grew tall early in life so I avoided the torture of being the victim of most bullies but I still witnessed too many friends get picked on for years. I did get involved in many fights with bullies because I tried to help my friends.

    Anyway, bullying seems to be getting worse these days thanks to social networks like facebook and twitter where bullies spread vicious rumors and embarrassing photos and videos with a massive audience. These ugly personal attacks spread like wildfire now. Unfortunately, increasing numbers of young people are driven to suicide sooner than ever because of the viral nature of these taughts and attacks. Here’s a clip of talk show host Ellen Degeneres addressing a recent news item involving a teenage boy who killed himself when a video was made of him with another boy and shared with many others.

     

    No one is helping these kids. Ok, that might be untrue. There are many of us out there trying to help our kids but obviously not near enough of us. All parents, teachers, schools, coaches, and all adults involved with taking care of our children need to work together to help all children no matter what age. This means from pre-K to grade school and even all the way to college.

    Here’s another sad news item that broke my heart and also infuriated me. 4 bullied teens from same Ohio school driven to suicide! This isn’t an isolated incident that has only impacted this school or even that community. This is an across the board  epidemic that continues to grow out of control. We need to get more involved with our own kids first and foremost. If they aren’t being bullied or abused in a relationship, then we must find out if they are the bullies or the abusers. Yes, it is a scary thought to think our own child could be the bad guy but every bully and abuser is someone’s child. If our children are neither, then they might be a witness to these attacks and they must step forward to be a part of the solution. If they don’t, then they will continue to be a part of the problem. Silence is the same as aiding and abating, thus making them an accomplice to these vicious actions. Our silence and inaction makes us accessories as well.

    Call to Action

    What can we do? I know we work or we’re swamped with endless activities with the house and activities for the kids, but we must get more involved. We must communicate even more not only with our kids but also their teachers and their coaches and other parents. We need to keep one another informed of any warning signs so we can do something when there’s still time to help.

    Free Tools

    It’s ironic that the same technology and networks that have made bullying worse can also help fight it. There are websites and applications that can help us and our kids find answers and help when they’re faced with a bully or abusive partner. One of them is from MTV called “A Thin Line” which is located at: http://www.athinline.org.  They also have a free iPhone app.

    Creative Commons License photo credit: Monica Arellano-Ongpin

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    The Weight Is Over: 5 Tips For Family Fitness

    I have always struggled with my weight and grew up convinced that one of my genetic gifts was “big bones.”  Always on the chubby side as a kid, I became accustomed to shopping in Husky Hell and nicknames like “whale” and “bubbles.”  Although at one time or another I have probably tried almost every diet fad, I have finally learned that there is no such thing as a diet. Period.  The only way to effectively lose weight is to change your lifestyle and simply eat better and exercise regularly.

    Bringing It Home

    As a parent it is apparent how genetics come into play, and all three of my kids, at one point or another, have displayed evidence of my “big bones.”  They even spent a summer or two at the proverbial “fat camp,” though in hindsight that was probably overkill…  As I have worked diligently on improving my own health and fitness I have tried to instill a similar focus on fitness for my kids, and I am very proud of the steps they have all taken toward a more active, healthy lifestyle at home and away.  Here are a few of the tips I have tried to incorporate into my family’s fitness routine:

    5 Tips For Family Fitness

    1) Water – Say sayonara to soda.  Make pop passe. Don’t let sugary juice add to the size of your caboose.  Water is the drink of champions and champions drink lots of water.  I stopped buying any soda or juice other than the occasional quart of “not from concentrate” orange juice, many years ago and the drink of choice for all of us Sasses is a glass of water.

    2) Join A Gym – I started going to the gym regularly about nine years ago, and I joined LA Fitness because at the time they were the only gym in my area that let me also get a membership for my oldest son, then age 13, and I was determined to make fitness a family affair.  Eventually, as they each got old enough, all three of my kids became gym members, and we work out together whenever time permits.

    3) Walk & Ride – There is no excuse not to walk, and walking with your kids is a great time to just share the moment together, talking, laughing, and getting some needed “cardio” at the same time.  If you’re feeling more of a need for speed, then break out the bikes and make regular family rides a part of your routine.  Don’t forget to wear helmets – especially YOU!

    4) Slow Down When You Eat! – Gobble, gobble should be reserved exclusively for Thanksgiving.  Wolfing down food should be reserved for wolves.  One of the healthiest lessons you can teach your kids (and exercise yourself) is to eat meals at a slow, relaxed pace.  The fastest path to overeating is to eat fast, because your plate is empty before your stomach has time to tell your brain it is full, leaving you no choice but to invoke “Oliver” and say, “please sir, may I have some more?”  The best way to resist seconds is to slow down while eating the firsts.  TIP: Eating as a family and engaging in conversation over meals is a great way to keep the chewing in check.  Another “behavior modification” tip is to insist on putting down the fork, or spoon in between every bite – a great way to break the “shoveling syndrome.”

    5) Shop For Success – As the parent you are likely the Ruler of the Refrigerator, the Commander of the Cabinets and the Protector of the Pantry!  Therefore it is your job to fill your Culinary Command Centers with the right stuff.  The easiest way for you and your kids to eat healthy is for you to shop healthy. It is a lot harder to snack on chocolate dipped Oreo‘s if they don’t exist in your household.  The best way to dangle healthy carrots in front of your kids is to make sure you always have fresh carrots in the fridge. Force yourself to take the time to read labels and don’t be fooled by the marketing.  ”Reduced Fat” and “Fat Free” are rarely actually better than an equivalent choice that is made with fresh, unprocessed, “whole” ingredients.

    What do you think?  Are there additional healthy tips you have?  If they are  fit to go, please add them to the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    Photo Credit: ?© Ekaterina Pokrovsky – Fotolia.com

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    Darth Vader’s Dos and Don’ts for Dads

    art by jason kotecki

    With the 1977 release of Star Wars, audiences were introduced to Darth Vader, the baddest bad guy in the entire galaxy. As the story unfolded and the prequels arrived on the scene, many people were surprised to learn that Darth Vader was not always such a bad dude. It may be equally surprising to learn that Mr. Skywalker actually did a few things right in his role as dad. (But mostly wrong.) Here are a few things every father can take away from Luke and Leia’s dear old dad…

    Do: Involve your kids in your work and invite them to become involved.
    If you work outside the home, “Bring Your Kids to Work Day” is a great initiative. It allows your young padawans a look into your world, learn exactly where it is you go every day, and understand what you do to support your family.

    Don’t: Get all bent out of shape and threaten to kill them if they choose not to team up with you to take over the galaxy.
    If your kids decide to follow in your footsteps, great. But they might not want to, for a variety of different reasons (none of them personal.) They may be gifted with skills and interests better suited to a different career. Even if they respect your success, they may want to carve out their own path. It’s ok. Everybody has a different destiny. They’re more likely to become successful if they receive your support in following their own dreams than if they are forced into something not meant for them.

    * * * * *

    Do: Stick up for your kids when they are under attack.
    Darth Vader redeemed himself when he took The Emperor down to protect his son. As the leader of your family, it’s your responsibility to look out for your brood. And I’m not just talking about obvious threats like kidnappers, pedophiles, and bounty hunters. What about the hidden influences in their lives? Who do they hang out with? What sorts of music do they listen to? What movies and television shows are they exposed to? What are they really doing online? These sorts of things are affecting your children more than you might like to believe, and it’s your job to monitor these sorts of things.

    Don’t: Align yourself with bad people who are likely to attack your kids with Force lightning.
    Kids don’t listen to what we say as much as what we do. Who are YOU hanging out with? Are they good role models for your kids? (Note: Stay away from old politicians who promise you the galaxy.) What kind of language do they see you using? What kind of movies do they see you watching? For better or worse, the people and things that influence you will most certainly end up influencing your children.

    * * * * *

    Do: Discipline your kids in order to teach them right from wrong.
    You are not here to be your kids’ friend. A friendship may well emerge from your relationship as your child matures, but it’s not your main job. Your job is to teach them right from wrong, to give them boundaries, and to tap into the wisdom and life experience they are lacking to look out for their best interests. It’s not easy, but for the good of your kids, sometimes you have to be the bad guy. And they probably won’t like it now, but they’ll appreciate it later.

    Don’t: Strangle them by using the Force when they disobey.
    Kids are kids. They’re gonna mess up. While I personally am not against a swat on the bottom when they’re really naughty, all discipline must be done in love. It’s a fine line to walk, but when it comes to parenting, grace is more important than justice. Save your best Jedi tricks for the young man who brings your daughter home after curfew.

    * * * * *

    Do: Love your kids’ Mom.
    There is no doubt that Anakin was in love with Padme. They had a good thing going. One of the greatest gifts a father can give his children is to love their mother. If you are currently in relationship with her, make an extra effort to do something nice for her in front of them. If the two of you are no longer together, try your best to respect her and be kind to her, if nothing else than for the good of your children.

    Don’t: Strangle her.
    Kind of goes without saying, I hope. (R.I.P., Padme.)

    * * * * *

    Do: Allow your kids to see your true feelings.
    Traditionally, men are supposed to be tough guys who lack tear ducts and hate all things cute and fuzzy. While I don’t think it serves anyone to abandon your masculinity and devolve into a namby pamby wimp, neither should you bottle up all your emotions and become an Adultitis-ridden stone-faced Sith lord. Your kids benefit from seeing your passion and enthusiasm. It’s not a bad thing for them to see you tear up at the end of Field of Dreams.

    Don’t: Wait ’till it’s too late to tell them how you really feel about them.
    Our tough guy persona often gets the best of us here. We feel icky delving into the world of “love” and “feelings.” We are creatures of action, and we think our actions speak loud and clear about how we feel about the people we love. They certainly are important. But sometimes our kids need to hear us actually say that we are proud of them and that we love them. Darth Vader almost missed out on the chance to tell his son how he really felt. He wasn’t so fortunate with his daughter. Don’t be afraid to remove your mask once in awhile to tell your kids how you really feel about them.

    * * * * *

    Do: Set an example of excellence for your kids to live up to.
    Whatever you do, be really, really good at it. Work hard, pursue excellence, and do your best. Whether it’s lightsaber skills or salesmanship, your kids will observe your commitment and be inspired by your example, making them much more likely to become successful themselves.

    Don’t: Get so wrapped up in ruling the galaxy that you lose perspective of what’s really important.
    No matter what you do for a living, or how successful you become, or how close you are to getting that promotion, or how many people are depending on you at work, remember this: family first. Nobody ever says on their deathbed, “I wish I would have spent more time at the office.” We always wish we’d spent more time with the people we love. Don’t let finishing the Death Star, taking over the galaxy, crushing rebellions (or other urgent things that keep you busy), distract you from the most important things.

    Sometimes it feels like you need to be a full-fledged Jedi knight to effectively navigate the challenge that is Fatherhood. Hopefully these tips will help you fulfill your destiny as the World’s Greatest Dad.

    The Force is strong in you, I sense it.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Escape Adulthood — stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Fart Is A Four Letter “F” Word… (Cast of Dads #31)

    In this, the “Silent But Deadly” edition of Cast of Dads we dish about everything from decapitation to divorce (and no, there is no discernible connection between the two).  In true Cast of Dads form, even though we touch on some serious parenting issues, from safety helmets to adolescent desires, we still end up flabbergasted by flatulence in the end.  (Did I just say “flatulence in the end?”)  I had better put the kabosh on this preamble and just let you…

    CLICK HERE LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 31

    Topics discussed in this episode include:

    If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads Podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 19).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    Stop Picking Up Their Clothes!

    Trust me, it’s hopeless.  Do you dread walking into your kid’s room?  Are you tired of picking up socks, clothes and toys off of the floor?  Do you beg and bribe your kids to clean their rooms?  Well, you might as well stop right now and save yourself years of stress and anxiety.  You can reduce your future botox bills by slowing down the onset of worry wrinkles and simply accepting the fact that your sweet little child, that adorable cutie who messes up the charming, cozy room you toiled over to decorate just for him or her, is just going to one day leave home to live in a pig sty (a pig sty you may well be paying good money for – in the form of college tuition!)

    Does A Higher Education Lead To A Lower Standard Of Living?

    We try to teach our kids well and do our best to prepare them for “the real world.” Well, if they are college bound there is a good chance that their real world will consist of cramped rooms overflowing with piles of dirty laundry and sinks full of dirtier dishes.  I was in Boston this week and had the pleasure of visiting my son the Berklee student for the first time since he has moved to Beantown.  It was wonderful to see him, I am enormously proud of him and I love him dearly, but if he and his roommates have any dreams of ever entertaining a young woman in their, er, “humble” abode, they might want to sign up for the Monastery now.

    Could It Be Hereditary?

    I’d like to think that I was much cleaner and more domesticated in my college years, but I wonder if that is just the rose colored lenses of my memory.  In any event, if you spend a lot of time picking up after your kids, take my advice and just stop.  Let them live like pigs now, and know that you will just be doing your duty to prepare them properly for college.

    What do you think?  Do you struggle with messy rooms, and if so, what ages are your kids?  What  kind of cleanliness inspection would your dorm room have passed?  Please air your dirty laundry in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    Degrees Of Fatherhood

    It is back to school time, and today my youngest child, my daughter, started at a new school.  This time, however, I didn’t have to pack her lunch, or walk her to the bus stop. I won’t be looking forward to any more parent teacher conferences or notes sent home about missed homework assignments. Nope.  Those days are officially over as today my daughter started college.  Daddy’s little girl has entered the land of higher education, as her older brothers have done before her, and as such, the proverbial ball is now in her court. I can encourage and inspire and advise, but in the end her school career, and her career thereafter, is now officially up to her.

    Fatherhood Is An Education

    Parenting is a series of never-ending milestones, and for many years we gauge our children’s growth and progress by their progression through school. From their first day at Pre-K to the day they don their caps and gowns for High School Graduation, through their schooling we see them grow from toddlers to teens, from mischief to maturity, from youngsters to young adults.  As they pass from grade to grade, we mark off yet another year in our quest to be the best parent we can.  Every graduation is filled with enormous pride, and just a little touch of sadness as we realize a teeny bit more of our work here is done.  Of course, the good news is that being a dad is forever, and as our kids grow older and move on to new phases of their lives, we are right by their side, entering a new degree of parenthood.

    My daughter called me after her first day on “campus.”  She loved her first classes and was thrilled and excited.  But not as thrilled and excited as I am for her!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    Cast of Dads #29: From Dudes To Doggs…

    One of the fun things about getting together with the Cast of Dads is that sooner or later each of us gets the chance to share an embarrassing moment…  Or maybe that’s just me who keeps sharing goofy moments?  Well, if it is me, this episode is no exception as I dive into a poorly sung rendition of one of my favorite childhood lullabies. Lullaby notwithstanding, I doubt this show  will put you to sleep as we cover topics as diverse as “negotiated infidelity,” Dude Ranches, sexy Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg as a Dad.

    You can LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS Episode 29 HERE.

    Topics discussed in this episode include:

    If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    Cast of Dads #28: Stitches, Veggies and Scooping Poop

    In this episode of Cast of Dads one of the dads tells of a late night spill that ended with a trip to the ER and some stitches… which leads to a discussion of kids and injuries… which leads to me recalling the tale of my daughter and her missing finger tip… (you’ll have to listen to the show for the rest of that story!)  In the midst of all the gory talk we manage to give some heartfelt parenting advice, and even some tips on cooking as a family.  Once again we prove that five dads and thirteen kids equals a treasure trove of tales to tell.  Enjoy!

    CLICK  HERE TO LISTEN TO “CAST OF DADS” EPISODE 28

    Topics discussed in this episode:

    If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    Photo Credit: © Eric Gevaert – Fotolia.com

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    Cast of Dads #27: Same Old Spit…

    In the latest episode of Cast of Dads, we actually started the show with a couple of specific topics in mind: “Kewl Birthday Parties” and “the dangers of drowning.”  From happy to scary and everything in between we cover it all, and then some, in a show that combines serious parenting tips with a lot of goofy laughter.  A glitch in the phone system caused me to “hear voices” only on my end of the call, and one of the dads had a “live” parenting issue interrupt our recording for a little bit of unexpected drama.  In the end we learn that a pile of dirt just may be the best birthday party evah, and when it comes to multi-use liquids, spit wins hands down!  Enjoy!

    CLICK TO LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 27…

    A Blast From Sass' Party Favor Past: Toxic Crusader Action Figure!

    Topics discussed in this episode:

    • KEWL Birthday Parties
    • Beer always makes kids birthday parties easier
    • Reptile Man!
    • They have Rednecks in the Bronx?
    • Googling “Reptile Man Johnny”
    • Toxie Party Favors
    • Pile of Dirt = Party Time!
    • Flaming Unicycles
    • Co-op Bouncy Houses
    • Video Game Vans
    • Dangers of Drowning Article
    • Pool Safety
    • Don’t depend on public pool lifeguards
    • Pool Parties = Can’t relax and enjoy
    • Safety from weird colored bathing suits
    • When in doubt, pee on it
    • Dip Spit = best cure for stings
    • Dealing with cranky kids at bedtime
    • Live Parenting Failure
    • The voices in Sass’ head

    If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    Checks And Balances: Is It OK For Your Kids To Be Tattle Tales?

    If you have more than one child at home do you find that they often “tattle” on each other? I have written about digital tattle tales before and on a recent trip to San Francisco I was thinking about it again, and how, in my case, counting on one or more of my kids to squeal on the other has become a defacto form of checks and balances when I am away from home.  I chat about this with one of my fellow “Cast of Dads” dads, Michael Sheehan from HighTechDad in the short video below.  Although I joke about the snitching being helpful to me, in retrospect I think the trust issue is more important and that I may be better off in the long run if I discourage my kids from being so loose with their lips (something about sinking ships…)  What do you think?

    What do you think about kids that throw their siblings under the bus?  Does having kids who tattle on each other help or hurt?  Should the behavior be welcome or discouraged?   Feel free to tattle about it in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    5 Tips For A Successful Summer Camp Visiting Day

    Are you enjoying some quiet time with your spouse while the kids are away at camp?  If so, you are also probably getting ready for the infamous “visiting day,” when parents invade the camp grounds to see what their offspring are really doing while off at Camp Cost-A-Lot.  Having been both a camper and a counselor in summers past (way past) and having sent my own kids to “sleep-away” before, I have seen the good, bad and ugly of all sides of “visiting day.”  With that in mind, here are…

    5 Tips For A Successful Summer Camp Visiting Day:

    1) Show Up! – From a counselor’s perspective, there is nothing sadder than the kid who is alone on visiting day.  And from the kid’s perspective, there is no greater heartache than the ache you feel when all your friends are with their family and you are not.  It may be your summer vacation too, and you may be spoiled by not having the kids around, but when you make your own summer plans make sure going to visiting day is first and foremost on your calendar.

    2) Bring Something For Each Bunk-mate! - Subject to the camp rules (there is usually a list sent to parents of “contraband” that they don’t want you to bring…) it is nice to bring a little something for each kid in your child’s bunk.  It can be simple and inexpensive, but it is a nice gesture that makes all the kids feel good, and has the added benefit of letting them know your kid has cool parents (something he or she will appreciate and be proud of after visiting day is over.)  Make sure you cover all the kids in the bunk, and not just your child’s best friends.  If you have brought other gifts for your kid, try to pass them along to him or her in private and not in front of the others.  Not every kid’s parents are as generous as you are and there is no point in creating jealousy.

    3) Defer To The Counselor and Camp Rules – You may be the parent, but during visiting day the Counselor is in charge, and your child is playing by camp rules, not your rules.  You are there to watch and share, not to take charge.  Respect the wishes of the Counselor and try not to interfere.  If something really bothers you and you really object to it, speak to the Counselor or Camp Director privately.  Don’t undermine the camp or Counselor in front of the kids.  It will not make the rest of the summer any easier for anyone.

    4) Participate (if asked) - Some Camps have all sorts of activities planned during Visiting Day and try to include parents in the events.  If your kid asks you to join the kickball or softball game you must, and you must do so eagerly.  Camp is a great place and time for you to let down your guard, get off your butt, and let your kid see you as you once were when you too were a kid.  Have fun!!!

    5) Make A Graceful Exit – Visiting Day can be the best day of the summer and the worst, especially for younger campers and sleep-away first timers.  While it is wonderful to see your folks, it can be heart-wrenching to say goodbye and watch them leave.  I still remember the awful feeling in my gut when my folks knocked on the cafeteria window and waved at me when I was 10.  It would have been much better if they hadn’t reminded me they were leaving and just departed quietly during lunch as the rest of the parents were instructed to do.  When my own son was a similar age we also had a terrible scene with his mom and him and lots of crying as we tried to leave his visiting day.  Smart camps have the parents depart when the kids are together as a group and engaged in an activity, so that saying goodbye is not an event the kids can focus on.

    These are just a few of the things I recall when thinking about Visiting Day.  How about you?  Do you agree with this list?  What other tips would you add to ensure a successful Camp visiting day?  I hope you enjoy yours!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    Photo Credit: © kathy libby – Fotolia.com

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    Cast of Dads #24: From Father’s Day to “V”-Day

    In this show the Cast of Dads regroup to recap our respective Father’s Day activities, but as usual we can’t possibly stay focused on one topic.  Before long we jump from discussing a dad’s happiest day, to a day many dads fear: V-Day! (with “V” standing for Vasectomy!)  Want to know which of the Cast of Dads has already suffered through the “big snip”?  Listen on…

    Topics discussed in this episode include:

    You can LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 24 HERE.

    If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads Podcast please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed orvia iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    Photo Credit © Barry Barnes – Fotolia.com

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    The Absolute BEST Last Minute Father’s Day Gift!

    It is Father’s Day, and if you’ve been lazy, busy, or just procrastinating way too long I have good news for you. There is still plenty of time to give the best Father’s Day Gift ever, and here’s how:

    If you are in the same city, go see your dad. Give him a hug – a REAL hug – then look him in the eyes and tell him how much you love him. Mean it (because you do!) Tell him how much you appreciate the role he has played in your life, and the role model he has been in shaping you into the man (and dad) you are yourself. If you are not in the same city, all of the above (except the hug bit) can be accomplished over the phone, or even better, with a Skype video call.)

    It Really Is The Thought That Counts

    If you are a dad, you needn’t worry about the cards and gifts you may or may not receive from your kids (kids, depending on their ages, can be notoriously bad about gifts sometimes). You can help them by following the same procedure as detailed above. Give your kids a hug – a REAL hug – tell them how much you love them – mean it, because you do! – and let them know that they have already given you the greatest gift of all, the gift of being a dad!

    Look proudly upon them and know that one day they will be giving the same hugs and words to you, and to their own children.

    THAT is the greatest Father’s Day Gift.

    To all dads and fathers, and to my dad and my wonderful children Zach, Ethan and Olivia, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, and HAPPY FATHER’s DAY!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    Photo Credit: © epantha – Fotolia.com

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    A Routine Gift For Father’s Day…

    Everyone loves a gift that keeps on giving…something that will be used frequently and thus serve as a lasting reminder of the occasion and the gift giver.  The best way to find a perpetual gift for dad is to take a look at things that are part of his everyday routine.  Get dad a gift he will use everyday and you give dad a gift he will thank you for again and again and again.  If you are a dad yourself and want to give your family a “hint” of what you want, point them to a gift that keeps on giving.

    A Close Shave

    So, what are some of the things you or your dad use everyday?  If you are of the beardless variety a great razor and shaving supplies from The Art of Shaving are perfect gifts that keep on giving.  With their long-lasting high quality they make the daily shaving routine most enjoyable and anything but routine.  I received a beautiful Art Of Shaving brush and razor as a gift a few years ago and it still makes me feel special every morning.

    You can get your dad (or yourself) some “Art Of Shaving” products here: Amazon Affiliate Link for Art of Shaving Products

    Regardless of the status of your facial hair, consider dad’s daily routine when picking his gift and you’ll make sure his Father’s Day is anything but routine! Enjoy!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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    How Old is Old Enough?

    As Father’s Day 2010 approaches and my daughter nears her 7th birthday, I’ve been thinking about the story of Abby Sunderland, the 16-year-old California teenager who recently tried to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world. She didn’t make it (a storm broke her mast and she had to be rescued in the Indian Ocean). Today, much of what I’d been thinking about around her was well summed perfectly up in an editorial in the Chicago Tribune, which asks, in essence, how old is old enough to do so many things as a child.

    Abby Sunderland

    Abby Sunderland (source: The Chicago Tribune)

    I watched with excitement over the last few months as my daughter has reached several milestones of independence. She can swim without an adult right next to her in the water. She learned how to ride a bicycle on two wheels. Of course, as is mandatory these days, she’s not allowed to ride that bike without a helmet. And even though she and one of her good pals five houses down can now both ride without training wheels, the “rule” is that she cannot ride out of side of either our house or her friend’s house. Cross the street? Absolutely not. Ride around the block? Even though she’d always be on the sidewalk never have to cross the street – still a no-no. And yet as I think back to when I learned how to ride a bike, ironically in the same town where we live now, I never had a helmet and as soon as I could go on two wheels…I was gone. I had to stay within a small radius of our house…but I could go around the block (without the benefit of a sidewalk) or to a small field down at the end of our street.

    I don’t feel that my wife and I are overprotective, but I do feel that we exert a much tighter “bubble” around our daughter than our parents did around us. It seems we’re more frequently looking for a detailed “checklist” of qualifications and a level of readiness to “pass” certain tests that will make us feel comfortable to loosen our parental grip ever so slightly.

    So as you head towards Father’s Day, please give this some thought: how old is old enough to do all the things your children want to do? Whether it’s go to the mall and a movie alone, ride a bicycle out of your sight, walk alone to school…or sail around the world. After all, as the Chicago Tribune aptly points out, if you were the parent of one of Abby Sunderland’s teenage friends, as you negotiate a curfew, you could find yourself in the uncomfortable and unenviable position of a child who says, “But why not?!? Abby’s parents let her sail around the world alone!”

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    A Father’s Day Gift For The DASHing Dad! (and a chance to win one)

    An Alarming Situation

    Like most dads (and humans for that matter) I generally go to sleep at night and rely on mechanical assistance to wake myself up at the desired hour each and every morning. With that in mind I have been forever in search of the perfect alarm clock.  I have tried them all – atomic clocks that automatically set themselves, clocks that project the time on the ceiling, clocks with big flashing digital displays, clocks that sound like waves, and streams and birds, and more recently, clocks you can use as a dock for an iPod.  I like going to bed listening to different music so the concept of a iPod dock makes sense, but they are fairly large for the nightstand and it is a bit of a pain moving the iPod around.

    A Dash To The Rescue

    I am pleased to say that thanks to the good folks over at Sony my quest for the perfect alarm clock has ended!  As part of the Sony DigiDad Project, I was given a Sony Dash (more information available here).  I love my Dash and I am certain any digitally inclined dad would love to have one as a Father’s Day gift.  The Dash is a nice looking web connected wedge shaped tablet that sits on a counter or nightstand in either a flat or upright position.  It features a bright and colorful 7 inch touch screen, surrounded by a classy and rugged rubberized frame.  The Dash connects easily to your home wireless network for internet access, and is compatible with the Chumby widget platform, so there are more than 1000 free Internet widgets (apps) you can install on channels on your Dash – from stock quotes, to weather, to music and video, to Facebook and Twitter, it is easy to customize your Dash with the real-time streaming media of your choice.

    Best Alarm Clock Evah!

    Sony calls the Dash a “personal Internet viewer.” I call the Dash the best bedside alarm clock I have ever owned, and here’s why:

    Keeping time – just like your mobile phone, the Dash can set itself from the network so you always have accurate time (no atomic clock necessary).  As an alarm clock, the Dash is full functioned and very customizable. It is easy to set and manage multiple alarms, individual or recurring.

    Multiple Clock Choices – in addition to the “built in” clock, there are clock apps you can add in every imaginable style, from analog neon bar clocks, to classic digital alarm styles, to my personal favorite the flip clock.  You can set one clock style or have multiple styles rotate through as part of an easy to manage theme.

    Music and Video – no iPod necessary!  The Dash can stream your personal music from Pandora, Slacker and other Internet radio services.  The Pandora app on the Dash is great, and I have my Dash connected with a line out to the surround sound stereo in my bedroom, making the Dash my primary music source in the room.  You can watch Netflix movies and YouTube videos (and more) and while the Dash’s 7 inch screen looks great, with a regular TV in my bedroom I use the Dash much more for music and audio than video.

    Weather and widgets galore – local weather information is nicely integrated into the Dash and with apps you can add all sorts of social media feeds.  With an on screen virtual keyboard you can even Tweet and update your Facebook status from the Dash, but I find viewing the info is more practical from this device.  I love the spontaneous serendipity of social media and having my Twitter and Facebook streams flow by on my night table is just one more way I may randomly encounter a message that captures my interest.

    Getting Framed - the Dash is also a great digital picture frame, and can stream your pictures (and if you want, your friends’ pictures) from Flickr, Facebook, Photobucket and other sources.

    This is just a dash of the things the Dash can do, and as a connected device there will be continual updates, additions and improvements.  There has already been one update pushed to the device since I have had it that improved the interface and added some new themes, which were greatly appreciated.  I am sure there will be more.  You can add apps and themes to your Dash from the device itself, or from a Sony website. While I find it fairly easy and intuitive to manage the Dash and its screens and installed apps, the process of adding new apps and customizing your channels can be a bit clunky especially from the web.  There is room for improvement, but given that this is a connected device, those improvements can come at any time, even after you are enjoying your Dash.

    Win A Dash For Your Dad!

    Between now and Father’s Day, Sony is giving away a Dash a day, and myself and the rest of the Sony DigiDads (CC Chapman, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan and Brad Powell) will be helping Sony judge the entries.  Here is a quick overview:

    Here is how to enter. Use your twitter account to send a tweet to @sonyelectronics telling us why your Dad deserves a dash. Include #sonydash . Each day one winner will be chosen and announced on twitter the following morning by 9:30 AM pacific standard time.

    Here’s an example

    @SonyElectronics My dad deserves a dash because he likes to check his email from bed so he doesn’t need to lug his laptop from work.  He’s #1! #sonydash

    **Be sure to use the Sony dash hash tag: #sonydash **

    ** You must tweet @SonyElectronics

    For the complete rules please visit: http://blog.discover.sonystyle.com/dashfordad

    Want one?  Affiliate link to the Sony dash Personal Internet Viewer at Amazon.com

    With or without a Dash, I hope you and yours enjoy a great Father’s Day!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

    DISCLOSURE: http://cmp.ly/2/qsw72z

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    Cheese & Chocolate: Two Tips For An Awesome Graduation Party!

    A Sweet Graduation Cap!

    Last week I wrote about my son’s graduation from college.  The night of his graduation ceremony his girlfriend and her family threw a party for him at their home.  There were the expected balloons and banners clearly declaring the graduation theme, but there were also two really clever additions that gave the party a special graduation flavor.  I was impressed enough to want to share Amanda’s awesome graduation party food fun.

    Cheesy, But Clever

    What would graduation be without a diploma?  How about a tray of diplomas made out of rolled cheese slices, tied with strips of scallions…  The most palatable parchment evah!

    Diplomas For The Big Cheese Graduate!

    Chocolate With Tassels? No Hassle!

    In bit of confectionary cleverness, Amanda created edible graduation caps, complete with tassels, by attaching a square of chocolate on top of an upside down mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.  A bit of Airheads Xtremes Sourbelt candy sliced thin for the tassel and “voila!”

    Graduate With Style And Good Taste!

    Simple food fun!

    How about you? Do you have any special “graduation themed” food tips you can share?  Please add them to the comments, and if you are celebrating a graduation in your family, CONGRATS!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.


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    Training Your Kids (And 3 Things That Are Worthy Of Praise)

    I am NOT suggesting that being a parent and raising our kids is anything at all like training a dog. Really, I am NOT.  However… I once hired a dog trainer who focused almost exclusively on training a puppy by giving it, in his words, “plenty of praise.”  Giving our kids plenty of praise is also a good idea and (and a squeaky toy or two can’t hurt either.)  OK, before I start barking up the wrong tree, let me get back to the point.  Praise, and plenty of it.  Confidence and self-esteem, love and respect, are all things that are conveyed to our kids when they receive the praise of a parent.  We typically find the obvious things to praise our kids about – getting a good grade, cleaning their room, finishing everything on their plate, but it is also good to find different reasons to praise our kids and show them we’ve noticed and appreciate something good they have done. With that in mind, here are:

    3 Things Your Kids Do That Are Worthy Of Praise:

    1)  Being a good friend.  How do your kids deal with their friends? Do they share? Lend support?  When you notice your child being a good friend let them know you are proud of them, and that their friend is very lucky to have them as a BFF.

    2) Being compassionate to animals.  Even if you don’t have pets, take note when your kids express compassion to animals.  I did not grow up in a pet household, but my kids did.  Dogs and cats have always been a part of their lives, and I’d like to think they have learned a great many lessons – including lessons of loss – from our pet ownership.  Seeing your kids treat animals with care, kindness and compassion is a good reason to take the trainer’s advice and give them “plenty of praise” (the Kids and the pets).

    3) Making a healthy choice (food or exercise).  Despite our modern society’s hyper focus on money, our true wealth is our health, a lesson it is never too soon or too late to impart upon our kids.  Just watch Jamie Oliver to see the negative impact poor eating habits can have on kids.  But eating is not the only culprit.  Regular exercise is an essential part of staying healthy.  When you see your kids making healthy food choices and partaking in activities that cause them to sweat, it is a great time to reinforce such good behavior with praise.

    What do you think?  What are some other things your kids do that are praiseworthy?  Please add them to the comments so we can all use them to “train” our kids with plenty of praise.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

    Photo Credit: © Andrey Zyk – Fotolia.com

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    A Mother’s Day Gift That Keeps On Giving: To Mama With Love

    If you are a procrastinator like me I have good news for you.  In fact I have GREAT news for you!  Mother’s Day is Sunday yet there is still time to send your Mom, or any Mom you love and respect, a heartfelt gift that will honor her, and provide much needed aid to a worthy cause.  If you have ever heard of “Tweetsgiving” then you are already aware of the work of EpicChange, a truly socially minded non-profit founded by Stacey Monk and  Sanjay Patel.  ”To Mama With Love” is EpicChange’s latest new media miracle maker, leveraging the ease and power of social technologies and our love of dear ‘ol Mom to help one very special Mom build a home for children at her school in Tanzania (the same school that EpicChange helped fund through Tweetsgiving and other activities).

    A Mother’s Day Gift With Heart(space)

    To send a Mom a truly special gift please visit ToMamaWithLove, where you can create a customized Heartspace.  Starting with your donation, you can decorate your heartspace with words, pictures and videos, and share it with friend and family who can easily add their own comments and donations in honor of your Mom.  Of course, your Mom also gets a personalized e-Card pointing her to her Heartspace.   I already sent my Mom a gift, but I am building her a Heartspace as well. Here is a peek at the Heartspace I am making for my Mom:

    I intend to add some more content before sending her the e-card on Mother’s Day.  What Mom wouldn’t love to know they were the inspiration for donations to such a great cause?  Please consider making a donation and creating your own Heartspace to send “To Mama With Love!”

    In any event, if you are a Mom, have a wonderful Mother’s Day, and THANK YOU!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

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    Life will be easier when…

    Ever find yourself saying, “Life will be easier when…”?

    If you’re a parent, you can fill in the blank mighty easily. Life will be easier when…

    …he can sleep through the night.

    …she can feed herself.

    …he can tell us where it hurts.

    …she goes to school.

    …he makes it to the NBA and buys me a ginormous house in Hawaii.

    This is a diabolical game that Adultitis likes us to play, because it gets us wishing away time, distracts us from the present, and keeps us focused on the negative.

    Of course, this pastime is not exclusive to parenthood. We can do it our whole life if we’re not careful. As in, “Life will be easier when I graduate, when I get that promotion, when I move to that new apartment, when the kids move out, when I finally retire…” and on and on. Then one day you wake up, wondering where the time went and yearn for the “good old days.”

    Notice how nobody ever acknowledges the good old days when they’re living in them?

    No doubt about it, certain aspects of life DO get easier as we move from stage to stage. What’s easy to forget is that a whole new crop of challenges and problems come with it. The reality is this: no matter what stage of parenting — or life, for that matter — you find yourself in, there are pleasant things and not so pleasant things about it. No exceptions.

    The only people without challenges are taking up residence in the extended stay resorts called cemeteries.

    My Dad told me that he and Mom used to look forward to the day when us kids were out on our own. “I assumed that we wouldn’t have to worry so much about you guys,” he said. “But then you all got married, and our family — and people to worry about — doubled. Now we have grandkids to worry about, too!”

    Even though my brothers and I are self-sufficient and successful, we’ve all encountered various storms that come with life. Things that make diaper changing and carpooling seem like a walk in the park. Or as my Mom puts it: “When you have little people you have little problems. Big people have bigger problems.”

    You know the answer. Instead of focusing on the negatives and waiting for things to get easier, the trick is to focus on the positive and appreciate the good things about your current situation. The stuff you’ll miss. There’s always something.

    For instance, it IS easier now that my daughter can entertain herself for more than 7 seconds, but I already miss sleeping on the couch holding my little bundle of joy. She’s much too independent (and wiggly) for that now. Likewise, before buying a home last year, there weren’t a lot of things I liked about my old apartment. But living in Wisconsin, I always made a point to appreciate that I didn’t have to shovel snow.

    If you find Adultitis urging you to pine for a time when things will get easier, use it as an opportunity to instead focus on something good about your current season of life.

    Give yourself permission to relish the fact that you’re living in the good old days.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Where is my Hug?

    Dad hugs

    Before becoming a dad I had no idea how many forms of hugs there are. I think perhaps we need to do something like what the Eskimos do in Alaska with all the words for snow.
    I thought I might take a little time today to talk about all the types of hugs there are.

    NOTE: I write all these descriptions from the dad’s perspective but they also apply to moms.

    Children:
    Daddy’s Home – This is a personal favorite of dads. It only occurs at the end of a long day or when you return from a trip. The excitement and joy embraced in this hug often “quite literally” knocks one off their feet.

    I’m sad daddy - There are times that nothing can cure the “sad” but a hug sure comes close. Sad hugs are generally full hugs with constant pressure but don’t contain the excitement that might be experienced in other hugs. The sad hug is honestly as much for the daddy as it is for the child because it gives the daddy something he can “do” to help in the situation.

    Middle of the night scared hug – This is hug unfortunately is only given when the daddy is very groggy. Therefore it lacks the immediate emotional attachment that is often associated with hugs. However the emotional impact on the child is tremendous and usually helps the child return to sleep.

    You’ve been bad but I love you hug – This is a hug that has to be administered most times a child ends up in trouble. The hug is only administered after the child understands the action they took that was “bad” and why they shouldn’t do it again. The hug provides reassurance that the child can do something wrong but still be loved. On the flip side this hug is often more necessary for the daddy who had to discipline the child.

    Random Daddy I love you hug – This is another favorite of many dads. The child will run up to you and randomly give you a hug for seemingly no reason. This hug is often administered by the child from the side. The only problem with this hug type is with children who are approximately 5 years old and their arms happen to be around 3 feet of f the ground. If the dad is not careful he can end up on the ground when receiving this hug.

    Baby hug – This hug is administered by the dad to an infant. It includes a big full baby cuddle and some strange language never before spoken by the daddy.

    Tickle hug – Tickle hugs are a fun, laughter filled hug that are often asked for again and again. Daddies must be careful with this hug as intelligent children will often use this hug to procrastinate bedtime, or other unwanted activities.

    Good night hug – Nuf’ said.

    Go to work hug – Don’t forget this hug. It is very important and you will be called back if you are in a rush to get out the door to administer the hug. It’s much smarter to administer the hug without having to be asked. However if you do overlook this hug because you are in a rush and are called back you make up for it by calling yourself silly and increasing the intensity of the hug.

    Ouchy hug – You can’t say enough about the value of a hug after a fall, bump, cut or other ouchy situation. However at the age of 2 -4 a hug is only half the cure often a band-aid is required as well.

    The daddy go away hug – Not often give by children under 10 and is never given by children under 3. This is more of a yeah here’s your hug now leave please. Often given by children over 10 who don’t want to be seen with you but can also be given by children as young as 4 when they are involved in something and want to be left alone.

    Sometimes there’s just nothing else to do but hug hug – Nuf’ said.

    Wife:
    Hello and welcome home hug – This hug is usually reserved for when the daddy has been gone on a trip. It is also often given when a daddy returns from a day at work. This hug is give because the wife is happy you are home. This hug can be encouraged by occasionally bringing flowers for no reason what so ever.

    The kids are yours hug – This hug indicates that your wife has had a tough day and is ready to kill someone, so take the kids and give me ten minutes to myself while I get it back together. Oh and by the way you probably want to give the kids a bath and put them down and if you really love me you’ll tell me I can go shopping, NOW!

    I love you hug
    – nuf’ said

    I need your support hug – These hugs take all forms of administration and vary greatly. It is a fact that as life gets more complicated so do the variances and subtleties in a hug.

    The makeup hug – YEAH, this usually leads to make up —. This hug is often accompanied with an I’m sorry by one of the parties. Usually the man.

    The “it will be okay hug” – This hug can be administered by either sex although, it is appropriate that it be administered by the male in the relationship more often as a show of support and understanding. This hug will also relieve you of saying something stupid when you don’t know what else to say.

    The Just because hug – This hug should be administered often. It feels good hug just because. This hug is also good with the just because flowers.

    Now go give your wife a hug and don’t forget your kids while you’re at it.

    What other types of hugs have you experienced? I’m sure this is just a subset of all the hug types that are out there.
    Leave a comment and let me know

    Kevin Metzger is father to Haley, Abby and Issac and husband to Melanie. Kevin also writes MySpellingSucks.com for which he was awarded the 2009 East Cobber Father of the year. Recently Kevin has started TheDADvocateProject.com where he is looking for participation from dads to help write a book about this current generation of dads. Come by and fill out the DADvocate survey.

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    5 Financial Things You Must Do For Your Family

    Because our Top 5 Legal Documents Every Dad Must Know About was so popular, we decided to asked Christopher Johnston, our resident financial expert dad, to give us the top 5 financial things we dads can do for our family.  We are happy to share his sage advice right here.

    1. Figure out where you are financially
    This is going to be a painful step for many. Before you start an exercise program it is often advised that you talk to a doctor. Well, if we want to get our family financially healthy we have to know what shape we are in right now. Go get all your bills. Get credit card statements, mortgage statements, utility bills, cell phone bills, insurance, etc.. Separate the recurring ones like utilities, cable, and phone from the ones that can be paid off like credit cards and mortgages. Now total up all the debt you have including those student loans you may have forgotten about. Now take the payments you are making on the credit cards and the monthly recurring bills and add them up. Now total all your monthly income. The income number should be higher. If it isn’t, you have a problem, but at least you know. If it is, then this is the amount of money you have to work with.

    2. Eliminate expenses
    Look at your recurring expenses and figure out which ones can be eliminated or lowered. Be ruthless here. Question everything. Do you really need every movie channel on cable? Do you need to be able to see every sports game on Sunday? Do you even need cable TV? Do you really need unlimited minutes on your cell phone? Can you increase the deductible on your auto insurance and lower your premium? Are paying for a gym membership and never go to the gym? Get the picture! Slash unnecessary expenses because you want to have as much free cash available for the next few steps.

    3. Set up an emergency fund

    Now that you know what your expenses are you need to set aside an amount equal to 3-6 months of expenses. If you could do a year that would be awesome, but for baby steps lets start with 3 months. Say your expenses are $4,000 month, then $4,000 x 3 = $12,000 MINIMUM you need in your emergency fund. Figure out what, from the difference in step 1, you can commit to this fund. If it is $1,000/month then it will take you 12 months to reach your goal. Make it automatic. If you get paid twice a month then have $500 from your check, or $250 from your check and $250 from your spouse’s check, direct deposited into a savings account. If you don’t make it automatic you will likely never reach the goal.

    Tip: If possible put it in a different bank than your checking account so you are not tempted to transfer the money from one account to another.

    4. Get term life insurance
    Life insurance really has the wrong name. If it insured that you were going to live, everyone would buy it. It should be called income replacement insurance. It is designed to replace your income should you not make it home one day. Most experts agree that 8 – 12 times your annual income is about the right amount. So if you make $50,000/year you need between $400,000 and $600,000 of protection. The best option for 99% of people out there is level-premium term insurance. Level-premium means the premium never goes up, it stays the same for the term of the insurance. Depending on your age, and the company you deal with, you can get all the way up to 35 year level term today. Term insurance is for a period of time, the “term” part of term insurance. In the next step we will make sure that you no longer need the insurance when the term is up.

    5. Save for retirement
    The next day you are at work, go the HR office and ask if you are enrolled in the 401k plan. If you are, GREAT! Find out how you check your balance and get your statements. If you are not in the plan, ask if you are eligible (there may be a waiting period if you just went to work there), if you are, ask when the next enrollment period is. Many plans only allow you join at certain times. Get that date, mark it on your calendar, put it on the refrigerator, tape it to the bathroom mirror, write it on a piece of paper and stick it to the ceiling so it is the first thing you see when you wake up. IT IS THAT IMPORTANT. You need to start investing in your 401k as early as possible and put the maximum allowed in. It may be painful, but if you start from the beginning you will never miss the money because you will never see it in your check. If you DON’T put money in your 401k you will NEVER be able to retire. I’m serious here. If you wait to do this it will be very painful and you may not have enough time to save what you need to retire.
    *I’m aware that many people have seen their 401k plans decline by as much as 50% in the past couple of years. Unless you are retiring right now there is a silver lining here. The mutual funds you were investing in are now at rock bottom prices. Every dollar you invest is purchasing many more shares than it did in the past when they were at their peak. This means when they turn around, and the market will eventually turn around, your growth will be that much more impressive because it is a larger number of shares growing.

    There are many other things we can do financially for our families but I believe these 5 are the most important you can do right now. If you do these 5 simple steps, notice I said simple not easy, you will be ahead of most people. For your families sake don’t just read this list and say one day I’m going to do those things, do them now.

    Christopher Johnston

    Photo credit: Stock.xchng by Bizior

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    5 Things You SHOULD Say To Your Kids (A Lot)

    A few weeks ago I wrote about “5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids” and there were some great comments and discussion that followed the post.  Thank YOU for chiming in.  In the spirit of countering the negative with the positive, I thought I would follow up with a few things that we should say to our kids, and say them as often as possible.  A parent’s words are powerful weapons when aimed at our kids, so let’s use those weapons for good.  With that in mind (and to remind myself), here are:

    5 Things You SHOULD Say To Your Kids

    1. “Yes.” – When your child says “come here a minute,” say YES.  When your kid says “can you help me?” say YES.  When your youngster says “can I try that?” say YES.  When your first inclination is to say “in a minute” or “not now” or “maybe later” or “I am busy” or “I can’t right now” fight the urge and say YES instead.  Stop what you are doing and give your undivided attention to your child. There will come a time when they may stop asking and you will have missed the chance to say YES more often. (Trust me on this one!)

    2. “That was really good.” – We all need confidence and self-esteem to be happy and successful and as parents we are in the position to heap plenty of praise on our kids.  We have the power to find something positive in virtually everything our kids may do.  Find the good, and focus your praise on it, as often as you can.  Praise is a great way to raise your child’s confidence and self-image, and focusing on the positive feels so much better.

    3. “How are you?” – A simple question that can go a long way if you mean it when you ask it, and listen… really listen, when it is answered.  HINT: This is a good tip for dealing with the adults in your life as well.

    4.  ”I am proud of you.” – Our kids naturally seek our approval, and letting them know that we are proud of them makes you feel as good as it makes them feel.  Showing your pride for your kids is also a great way to brag about them to others without being obnoxious.  It is great to tell someone else how proud of your child you are, especially when you do it in front of your child.

    5. “I love you.” – I know I have written about this before, but “Love” is the one four letter word you can never get in trouble for saying it to your kids.  Sure, your kids know that you love them, more than anything… more than words can easily express.  Even so, nothing beats looking them in the eye and telling them, straight up.  ”I love you” are the three words a child cherishes from their parents.  Don’t make them wait for it.  Say it a lot.  They will know you mean it…

    Do you agree with these five things?  What did I leave out?  Please add more things we should say to our kids in the comments.

    ?Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

    ?Photo Credit: © Yuri Arcurs – Fotolia.com

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    5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids

    Words ???are powerful. Words spoken by a parent to a child are very powerful and often can carry far more weight and impact than we realize, so as parents we should choose our words carefully.  With that in mind, here are:

    5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids

    1) F#&*! – You need only watch prime time TV to understand that our standards of what words are acceptable on television have been substantially reduced over the years.  George Carlin‘s (R.I.P.) infamous “Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television” are all practically standard fare on Cable TV and at least two or three of them have crept their way into acceptability in broadcast TV.  Despite what we watch and how we may speak amongst adult friends and co-workers, we should never use such language when talking with our kids, no matter what their age.  There are times when I enjoy cursing like a drunken sailor, and even times when it is sort of appropriate (amongst adults), but if I use those words with my kids, I am sending them all sorts of wrong signals.  Yes, they are aware of and use “the F word” and other expletives, but it is different when they hear it in a conversation with mom or dad.  This is one case where I think a “double standard” is for the best.

    2) “Shut Up!”I worked as a Camp Counselor for many years at Camp Winadu in Pittsfield Mass, and one of the great policies they had was that we were not allowed to say “Shut Up” to the campers and we were instructed to treat it as a “dirty word.”  We shared that with the kids in our charge and discouraged them from using the phrase as well. I have tried to carry that rule with me as a parent as I agree with the wisdom of Winadu that “shut up” is insensitive and inappropriate.  There should never be a situation where not allowing someone to say something is an option.

    3) “…or else…” - How many times have you said to one of your kids, “You’d better not do that… or else!” ???  How many times have you said that knowing full well that in fact there was no “or else” in the cards.  I am definitely guilty of that one.  But why bother tagging a declaration to your kids with an idle threat?  Isn’t it better to just say, “Don’t do that.”  Period.  They should know why, and they should respect what we say without the dangling threat of “or else…”  It is silly.  They know as well as we do that the odds of there really being an “or else” are pretty thin.  Say no to “or else”… or else!

    4) YELLING AND SCREAMING – This is another one I have certainly been guilty of on occasion.  Parents are human and we can lose our cool too.  When we do, it is easy to yell at our kids.  However, rarely does screaming improve whatever situation you are frustrated about, and it certainly doesn’t give our kids the sense that we are the adult and in control.  Plus, doesn’t it feel silly afterwards?  I try hard not to let myself yell and scream at my kids.

    5) Lying - Honesty and trust are of paramount importance in any relationship.  Honesty and trust are essential traits for a happy and successful life, which is what every parent wants for their children.  You can’t teach your kids the value and importance of honesty and trust if they catch you in a lie.  Pulling the wool over your kids eyes will only blind them to the importance of telling the truth – always.  George Washington had the right idea when he said “I cannot tell a lie…”  We shouldn’t either.

    What do you think?  Do you agree with the 5 things above?  Are these things you should avoid saying to your kids? Are there other things you would add to this list. Let’s continue the conversation in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © paxi – Fotolia.com

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    Massage and your children

    Day 94 - HNT Massage

    Day 94 - HNT Massage by lintmachine, on Flickr

    It’s a rough life. You need to relax. Massage therapy turns out to be the perfect thing. Now how do you explain it to the children before they overhear about it, talk to their friends, and think you’re doing something dirty.

    Farfetched? No. My own late teens son didn’t understand what massage therapy was. My wife and I  had to walk him through the concept.

    How can you present massage therapy to your children?

    • Massage therapy is …
      • a therapist massaging muscles and tissue
      • involves touching legs, arms, back, and neck
      • is not done in secret
      • is normal therapy
    • Massage therapy involves removing some clothing.
      • at no time is the body fully uncovered, just one limb at a time or only the back
      • the person receiving the massage can remain fully dressed
      • you keep your undies on <- important for children!!
    • Massage therapy benefits by …
      • improving circulation
      • relieving stress
      • preventing headaches
      • aiding in recovery from illness and injury
    • Massage therapy isn’t about sex.
      • it’s about healing
      • it’s about dealing with stress
      • it’s to reduce tension in the body

    Now these talking points aren’t comprehensive. They’re a guideline to get you started. I’ve been getting massages for a couple of years now. It started with a coworker recommending them. Yes, another adult male, with a child.

    It’s easy for people to take this down the sexual route and make jokes. It’s critical that in your conversation with and without your children that you steer clear of that.  What you say in private often ends up at your kids ears.

    Finally, not only talk with your children, but make sure to include your partner. It should be clear that the whole family is on board. Trust is key.

    I hope you take a few minutes to not only consider massage therapy but if you do, consider discussing it openly with your children.

    Todd Jordan is a father and grandfather. He regularly blogs at The Broad Brush on social media and things more personal. Todd is available for guest blogging and more at tojosan-at-gmail.com.

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    5 Ways To Be Prepared When Mother Nature Roars

    When I was a kid, there was a series of commercials for “Chiffon” margarine that had the tag line, “It’s not nice to fool Mother Nature!”  Lately it seems that perhaps we must have been trying to fool her and now Mother Nature is seeking her revenge and proving her prowess with a daunting display of disasters.  Earthquakes, blizzards, hurricanes and tornadoes are just the tip of the melting iceberg.  What’s a mere mortal human being to do?  In all seriousness, the Boy Scouts had it right when they made their motto “Be Prepared.”  There are many things in life that we cannot prevent, and the sudden seeming wrath of Mother Nature is one of them.  But we can do our best to be prepared, and keep our families prepared for the unexpected “force majeure.”  Inspired by a recent recording of the Cast of Dads podcast, and my own experiences with Hurricanes living in Florida, here are…

    5 Ways To Be Prepared When Mother Nature Roars:

    1) Portable Power – An unfortunate side effect of many natural disasters is the loss of power.  When Hurricane Wilma struck my neighborhood, we were without electricity for almost 2 weeks.  You quickly learn how reliant we are on electricity.  Having multiple sources of portable power in your home is a must. Options include generators and lots of batteries.  There are many battery chargers that include USB or 12-Volt plugs so you can use them to charge your mobile phones and other devices.  The problem with batteries, however, is that they have to have a good charge to be worthwhile, and they lose their charge over time when idle.  Therefore it is important that “emergency” batteries are replaced with fresh ones periodically, and that battery charger devices are regularly plugged in to refresh their charging abilities.  It goes without saying that multiple flashlights are an essential need, and I have found that having a few self powered (wind or shake) flashlights really come in handy as the “battery” issue is no longer a worry.

    2) Reliable Communications – While we all rely on our mobile phones for just about everything, there is a good chance you won’t be able to use your phone reliably after a natural disaster.  If the networks are not directly affected, there will be extraordinary high call traffic, making it hard to get a connection.  Try text messaging if you cannot get through for a voice call as you may be more successful with the data network.  Also, as you want to conserve battery life, you want to keep voice calls short and to the point.  Eventually, you may no longer have use of your phone if the battery dies and you’ve exhausted your charging options, so it is important to have other ways to get information and find out the status of the emergency.  I have found a wind-up (crank) emergency radio to be extremely useful.  They are inexpensive and functional.  I have one that has AM/FM/Shortwave Bands as well as a USB plug to charge other devices.  I have a second one that has dedicated weather radio bands, and a built-in flashlight.  Not only are these radios great for finding out the latest news and other reports when the power is out, but you also need to keep everyone relaxed and entertained, and a little background music from the radio goes a long way to give a semblance of normalcy to an awkward and quiet powerless home.

    3) A Family Check In Procedure – Of course disaster can strike at any time and therefore it is possible that you and your family members may not be together when Mother Nature goes ballistic.  As parents, our greatest fears are when we are away from our children, so make sure you and all your kids (or their schools and caretakers if they are too young to do it themselves) know what the family emergency check in procedure is.  Assume that you may not be able to just call each other.  Therefore you should consider establishing a reliable relative or friend in a different State or part of the country that can be the point person.  Make sure all your family members know multiple ways to contact the point person – home/office/mobile phone, email, text message, social networks, etc. – and let everyone know that if they can’t reach you, the next thing they should do is contact the point person, and let them know their status.  Of course the point person can also reassure everyone about who they have already heard from.  Another good idea is to have an agreed upon meeting place away from your home in the event your home is inaccessible. (Note to self: refresh this program with my own kids!)

    4) A Plan For The Pets – If you have pets they are part of the family, so a family emergency plan has to include your fine furry friends.  If you have multiple pets and multiple family members, you might assign each person a particular pet that they are responsible for watching over and/or evacuating in an emergency.  Have proper crates, carriers and leashes easily accessible and it is probably best to keep pets contained during the crisis, as they are every bit as frightened and concerned as you are.  When Hurricane Wilma struck, we kept our three dogs and cat contained in a bathroom, and while their howling added to our stress, we knew exactly where they were and that they were safe.

    5) Food & Water – It is always a good idea to have an ample supply of water in the house.  Stick a case of bottled water in a closet or in the garage and forget about it.  If you have 5 gallon water bottles delivered, make sure your regular order is for a few bottles more than your family actually drinks so you always have a few “spare” full bottles.  A stock of canned goods seems like a good idea, but keep in mind that you may not have the ability to heat things or boil water.  Take a look in your pantry and cabinets and see what foods you have that are not perishable and are “ready to eat” without cooking or boiling water.  Stock up on more of those.  Peanut butter, dried fruits and nuts and power bars are all good things to have “extras” of at all times.

    These are just a few of the basics and I am sure there are many more important tips for being prepared.  Please add your own tips and suggestions to the comments and together we can turn this post into a useful resource for parents and families.

    Most importantly, especially for parents, do your best to remain calm and provide your children and family with the support, confidence and leadership they will most certainly need when Mother Nature strikes.

    NOTES AND DISCLAIMER: Our thoughts and prayers continue to go out to those affected by the earthquakes in Haiti and now Chile.  If you are so inclined you can donate to the Red Cross here.  Also, some of the links to products in the above post are Amazon Affiliate Links.  Any affiliate revenue generated by the links in this post will be donated fully to the Red Cross.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © victor zastol’skiy – Fotolia.com

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    The Gift of an Ordinary Day


    Here’s an excerpt from Katrina Kenison’s wonderful book “The Gift of an Ordinary Day” that totally captures the beauty and power of being a parent, for both moms and dads. I loved what she shared here because it’s something that I realized a long time ago. It isn’t really all the big important events in our children’s lives that we will miss the most when they grow up but all those little moments that most of us take for granted. I try my best to take pictures and videos of the routine day to day things that we don’t usually notice because I know I will miss them so much some day. I call them little slices of life.

    My kids are 11, 7 and 4 now. I still have time to savor many more of these magical extra-ordinary days but I also know that they will fly by in a heartbeat. I remember when my big Nicholas (11) was born and I could hold him in one hand…but now he’s almost as tall as I am! I also remember when Rachel (4) was this little pixie baby but now she’s this little lady so full of questions and strong opinions already (I know where she gets that from!). Then there’s Matty (7) , whom we called Peanut because he was so tiny but now he’s a dynamic little man full of life and wonder. I love each stage for all its worth but I also miss the ones we leave behind forever. I even miss the things we get rid of such as the cribs, the high chairs and changing tables. All part of the process of letting go… but I am still hanging on for dear life as long as I can.

    Please watch Katrina as she shares this portion of her book. It truly says it all. I want to thank my wife Lori for finding this treasure and sharing it with me…along with those 3 little angels we spend our ordinary days with. For more of Katrina’s insightful musings subscribe to her blog: http://www.katrinakenison.com/ordinary-day-journal/

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    5 Ways To Avoid A Valentine’s Day Massacre!

    It is Valentine’s Day!  Time for everyone to get their heart on!  For us Dads it is one of those days (like birthdays, anniversaries, the day you and your significant other met, etc.) that is best not forgotten.  There are many ways to recognize the day and reveal your romantic side, and like most things in life, the best ways to show your love and appreciation and look more Cupid than stupid is to keep things simple and sincere.  With that in mind, here are…

    5 Ways To Avoid A Valentine’s Day Massacre:

    1. Flowers – Yes, a rose by any other name is still a rose, but giving a flower by any other name on Valentine’s Day ain’t gonna cut it.  Of course a dozen (or two) is best, but even a single long stem, elegantly and lovingly presented, goes a long way.  While roses come in a literal rainbow of colors these days, this is the one occasion when RED is a must.  Any roses are better than no roses, and in order of preference you can get your roses a) delivered, at a surprise location, by a florist, b) at your local supermarket, c) at a roadside stand, or d) cut, secretly, from the bush in your neighbor’s yard.

    2. Phone – If by some chance you are not with your Sweet Valentine today, make sure you call her before she calls you (and if you haven’t already, stop reading this and do it now!). Make the call all about her, and how much you appreciate having her in your iife, etc. etc. etc.  This is the one day when you can’t get too sappy, Even if you are with your Valentine today, use the phone to reach out and touch the other women in your life.  Valentine’s Day is a great day to call moms, mothers-in-laws, sisters, daughters away from home, and tell them you love and appreciate them.

    3. Food – It is no surprise that little cherub Cupid is on the pudgy side. From chocolates to breakfast in bed to dinner at a favorite restaurant, food is a wonderful way to nourish the heart on Valentine’s Day. For many guys, our preferred thing to make for dinner is a reservation, but as Digital Dad CC Chapman recommends, Valentine’s Day is also a great day to don the apron and actually cook for your better half.

    4. Words – Cards are great, and they come in all shapes and sizes and now they even talk and play music, but don’t leave it to Hallmark to make a real impression on your Valentine.  Whether you are a Shakespeare or not, today is the day to put a few sentiments in your own words.  If you are adventurous, write a poem (Haiku is easy and elegant).  There is no such thing as bad original poetry, especially on Valentine’s Day.  Give it a shot, and whatever you choose to do, make sure your words are hand written!  Do not type and print them!

    5. The other 364 Days of the year – And of course, the BEST way to avoid a Valentine’s Day massacre is to not let today be the only day of the year you behave this way!  Flowers, sweet phone calls, food and words are ways you can be expressing your love and appreciation all year long.   Sprinkle them unexpectedly into your routine to keep your Valentine smiling all year round.  Do that, and every day can be Valentine’s Day!

    If you have some additional tips. please add them in the comments.  In any event, Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © AlienCat – Fotolia.com

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    Life’s Little Traffic Jams

    We bought our daughter one of those little primary-colored push car toys for her first birthday. It gets great gas mileage and holds up amazingly well in crashes, of which there have been many so far.

    The other day, she got herself caught in a traffic jam. The legs of our counter-height kitchen table and its accompanying chairs gridlocked her into a standstill. With all the might a one-year-old can muster, she pushed and prodded that car in an attempt to break free to the open road.

    To no avail.

    My initial instinct was to jump to her rescue and free her from her dilemma. But I could tell she was close to doing it on her own, so I decided to stay put. Her frustration level mounted, but I kept my distance. It was hard. Finally, with one last exasperated twist, the car untangled from the last chair leg and she was free.

    And let me tell you, the beaming glow of pride on her face melted my heart like a Snickers bar in Scottsdale.

    This foray into Fatherhood has taught me a lot of new stuff about God. This particular scenario gave me some insight about how he operates.

    We all have rough patches in our lives, moments when we get stuck in the weeds. Things aren’t going according to plan and we’re stuck. Adultitis gets the better of us. We work our butts off to make the situation better, but nothing seems to help. After exhausting all of our resources, our frustrations mount. Perhaps we cry out to God to save us. He certainly can, and sometimes he does. A check shows up in the mail. The idea to solve a perplexing problem presents itself, seemingly out of thin air. We find the thing we had given up hope of ever finding.

    But sometimes he doesn’t step in to save the day. Sometimes he’s silent.

    Even though I often wish he would step in and make things easier for me, I’ve come to see that he has the wisdom to know that sometimes we have to go through difficult situations in life in order to come out stronger, better, and more confident on the other side.

    And I believe that nothing makes him smile wider than seeing us accomplish exactly what he knew we could do all along.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Family Ties

    I just watched this 88-second spot and it really got thru to me…loud and clear. Thanks to Zane Aveton (aka @zaneology on Twitter) for sharing this tonight. I hope it impacts all of you the same way it has for me. What a powerful reminder.


    Find more videos like this on AdGabber

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    Dad! I don’t know how!

    Zachary loves National Geographic for Kids magazine

    My eight-year-old son Zachary *could not* (according to him) remember all the punctuation rules he needed for an upcoming test.

    I said, “Can you remember PCC BED?” I will give you a dime if you say “PCC BED” one hundred times.

    He did.

    I said, “When the test comes around, ask for a piece of scrap paper and write down ‘PCC BED.’”

    P stands for punctuation always goes inside the quotation marks.

    C is for capitalizing the first word in someone’s quote.

    C is for “comma separates Zachary.” That is, when someone is addressing you, they have to stop and put a comma before and after your name unless it’s the beginning or end of a sentence.

    B is book titles are capitalized and underlined.

    E is for “entire names.” That is, the words Mr. Zachary Hage all start with capital letters.

    D is for double sentences are tricks. (Think second-grade level questions; it made sense for him.)

    It worked. He understood and passed with flying colors.

    Got any homework and test-taking tricks to share?

    Good luck from a fellow dad,
    ::Joe Hage::

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    Savvy Cyber Kids – An Interview

    DADvocate – Internet Discussions from Kevin Metzger on Vimeo.

    This is a video interview with Security Expert Ben Halpert. Ben has two daughters and a son on the way. When his first daughter was born he began thinking about the security risks for being on line with children and how and when that conversation should start to take place. Ben decided that we are probably reaching out to children too late in life to begin this conversation. Much like teaching your children to say please or thank you Internet behavior conversation needs to start when your children are young and still listen to you.

    Ben has started the Non Profit Savvy Cyber Kids. This organization is dedicated to providing resources to parents and teachers that will help them in educating their children on internet safety. Currently Ben has a number of resources available on his site including:

    To access all this information and keep up with Ben go to benhalpert.com

    I’d also like to thank Jeff Sass for inspiring this interview with his post Having that conversation with your kids. You can find more on Jeff Sass at JefferySass.com

    Kevin Metzger is father to Haley, Abby and Issac and husband to Melanie. He is a Business Systems Architect and writes on tech and business topics at MetzgerBusiness.com. Kevin also writes MySpellingSucks.com for which he was awarded the 2009 East Cobber Father of the year. Recently Kevin has started TheDADvocateProject.com where he is looking for participation from dads to help write a book about this current generation of dads. Come by and fill out the DADvocate survey.

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    Noise Is Good!

    Screaming, shrieking, whining, crying, banging, bumping, laughing, sneezing, coughing, belching. farting, yelling, slapping, hitting, pushing, shoving, snapping, breaking, kicking, throwing up, falling down, dancing, running, skipping, jumping, bouncing, trouncing, wrestling, fighting, snoring.  Never boring.  These are just some of the sounds and actions in a house full of kids, sounds you may find annoying or take for granted. Sounds that may make your blood boil and at times cause you to “lose it” and scream back the likes of “SHUT UP” or “BE QUIET” or “STOP IT RIGHT NOW” or any of a number of standard parental instinctive responses.

    It is easy to let these sounds rile you up and annoy you, yet in reality you should laugh and smile and cherish every aggravating one of them because these sounds are the proof of life.  These noises are the soundtrack of being a parent, and the constant reminder that you are needed here and now.  Cherish them, because one day you will miss them, as I do right now.  It is a Sunday afternoon and the house is silent, save my own rustling about.  Where once, not too long ago, Sunday’s were full of many of the sounds above, with three siblings scrapping around, causing heartfelt havoc and demanding my attention, now the house is empty.  One is living in another State and the two who still live here are off at work, or with their friends, living their lives, needing me less.

    The things I too often treated as annoying interruptions I now know were integral parts of the blessings of parenthood.

    Noise is good….

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © antipathique – Fotolia.com

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    A father’s guide to safety devices

    Nesting behavior has always baffled me. So I was more than a little frightened when I returned home from a business trip to find my wife had recovered her car seats and the den furniture in blue fleece and installed matching carpet in both.

    “Honey,” I asked cautiously, “do you know something I don’t?”

    “We’re having a boy,” she smiled.

    “I thought the ultra sound was scheduled for next month?” I asked.

    “I don’t need an ultrasound to know my baby,” she replied, both hands on her stomach. She glided to the kitchen table and passed me a stack of product brochures. “I’ve picked out a few things we need,” she explained.

    The top sheet announced “the most exciting advance in stroller technology since rubber wheels” by taking out a 36 month note. As she explained it to me the manufacturers financing was too good to pass up, “no interest for 36 months and a credit worth up to $500 dollars, on a minimum order of $5000 at BabyConsumption.com.

    Foolishly, I ignored my father in law who stood just out of Elaine’s peripheral vision frantically repeating the universal hand gesture for cutting one’s own throat.  “You know, we have saved enough to pay cash for most of the strollers on the market,” I offered, asserting my paternal rationality rights.

    Elaine turned on me with a fury I had never seen before. Her eyes narrowed and her nails curled into the warrior stance of a mother bear. “If you think I will sacrifice the safety of my child for your self-serving greed……” She was struck with such a violent tremor that I briefly contemplated dialing 911 or at least administering aspirin as a prophylactic against brain clotting. My mother in law, who stands five foot even at 105 pounds, threw me to the ground with a flick of her forearm as she rushed to her daughter’s side. My father in law began displaying the International Geophysical Society’s hand signal for Get Clear: Immediate Volcanic Eruption.

    Foolishly confident that a rational discussion could prevail, I opened volume 23 of Worried Mother, the Definitive Product Guide. I approached her warily. If you recall I lead eco-expeditions for a living and have extensive training regarding encounters with unfamiliar species.

    “What about this model? Obsessed Parent gave it their best value rating and it retails for only twenty three hundred dollars.” I was nearly overcome with cognitive dissidence.

    “What about my health?” she demanded. “Why it doesn’t have a National Weather Service console, the BabyDownTM alarm system or even a basic hydraulic lift. Do you realize how many mothers get permanent debilitating lower back injuries and have to depend on Nannies the rest of their lives instead of the deep satisfaction and bonding of changing diapers themselves?”

    I was completely unaware of this health risk but I did have a vague sense of the going rate for nannies. “Do you think we need the Kevlar option?” I asked vainly. When I saw the look on her face I ran for the car.

    I rushed to the store and happily signed away our next 3 year’s disposable income. After all, how many fathers can guarantee their sons are safe from armor piercing rounds?

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    Cast of Dads Episode 6: Keep On Truckin’!

    No, we didn’t take to the road this week, but we did get our first e-mail question from a listener who happens to be a truck driver.  He goes by the handle of “Jokerman” and he wanted to know if the Cast of Dads could share our thoughts on MP3 players and eBook readers.  Well, needless to say, we did our best to answer Jokerman’s questions and then some.  ;-)

    Here is what we talk about in Episode 6:

    You can listen to Episode 6 here, and subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

    And of course… Keep on Truckin’!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood.  The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff,Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Talking Haiti, Death, Tragedy And Hope With A 6 Year Old

    When something like the recent horrific earthquake in Haiti occurs, parents of young kids are left with deciding how to talk to them about it.  I’m not a psychologist, so this isn’t me giving you advice about how you should handle it.  For my wife and me though, the simple truth is the only way to go.  There is no way to hide them from tragedy. Even if you don’t have a television and can avoid the 24 hour coverage, they have friends.  Kids talk about this stuff.

    Our oldest daughter will turn seven soon.  She is very sensitive, and has a need to understand how and why that leads to a never-ending questioning that borders on interrogation.  The guys on Law and Order have nothing on my daughter.  This is not unique and I’m sure you can relate.  So last night when I turned on the television so she could watch the Backyardigans, and we passed a news channel showing a dead body being carried from rubble, I knew the conversation that would follow. It wasn’t our first talk about it, but I could tell she was ready to go deeper into things.

    When are they going to stop showing pictures of dead bodies? Yesterday at school, I told my friend I saw a bloody dead body on TV, and she said she did too.  Kids don’t like to see that stuff.  Parents shouldn’t let their kids see the news. It’s not appropriate for kids.” (Appropriate is her new favorite word).  I told her that the earthquake in Haiti was a very bad thing and when very bad things happen in the world the news talks about them for a long time. Then I asked, “Do you have any questions about it?”

    I find asking that question is the best way to proceed.  I want to give her just enough information to put her at ease, and answering her questions works way better than trying to explain what I think she wants to know.  We had the big “death talk” a couple years ago, when our dog died.  That was literally an hour on her bed talking about every detail you can imagine.  This was more about what an earthquake was, how they happen, how people are getting food and water, what  they are doing with all the bodies, the list was long.

    In the end, what she really wanted to know was that she was going to be safe and that this wasn’t going to happen to her.  She gets caught up in the minutia of things because it’s easier to understand how a building would break apart and fall down if the ground was shaking, than big picture stuff like why bad things happen.

    After answering her questions about heavy stuff, I like to put a positive spin on things and find something good to bring to her attention.  Last night I talked about how when bad things happen, good people work together to help the people that need help.

    She wanted to know what she could do to help.  She thought that the people there must be very hungry and thirsty.  She wanted to send food and water.  I told her about Doctors Without Borders and how firefighters and rescue workers from all over the world went to Haiti to help.  I explained how there are charities and groups of people that are already in Haiti, and that one of the best ways for us to help was to send these charities money so they can buy the things people need.  I told her that I have a friend Danny, who runs a charity (12for12k.org) that is working with a group named Hope for Haiti and that I donated some money to help them.  She thinks Danny is pretty great, and I agree.

    I can tell she is still  concerned that something like this can happen to her.  While we were walking to school this morning, she asked again if earthquakes can happen here in Toronto.  I reassure her but I don’t lie.  I remind her how very rare these things are.  I tell her that part of being a big girl is knowing that sometimes bad things happen in the world, but that I don’t think  anything like this will ever happen to her.

    Maybe I’m too harsh, but I don’t want to her to grow up naive.  Maybe I should coddle her, and tell her there is no way anything bad will ever happen to her.  That would be a lie though, and she’s too smart to believe it.  No, for me it will always be the simple truth.  The true facts with as little detail as I can get away with.

    How about you?  How have you dealt with talking about this with your children?

    Ian is the father of two young daughters (6, and 2).  He  has a podcast and blog about starting a business while raising young children at Startup Daddy.

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    Having “That” Conversation With Your Kids…

    Sex… is not what this post is about.  No birds and bees here.  Instead I want to talk about the “other” conversation to have with your kids as they approach the age of puberty and start to become young adults.  That is the talk about privacy and managing with common sense the digital trails we deliberately and innocently leave behind in “cyberspace.”  For many parents this may be an even more challenging topic than the dreaded “sex talk.”  As parents, by definition we have generally had sex ourselves, and we were once teens, experiencing the hormonal surges and urges of the beginnings of our sexual lives.  Therefore, though it may give us the willies, we are more or less prepared and have relevant firsthand experience to shed wisdom and guidance on matters of sex.  On the other hand, as parents most of us did not grow up in the same digital world our kids now inhabit.  We did not grow up tempted with “sexting” from our mobile phones.  We did not grow up sharing our lives and loves online, with pictures, videos, and often revealing “status updates” on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and YouTube.

    You Are Your Resume

    My oldest son will graduate college this year and enter the “full time” work force.  A few years ago, when he was looking for a part time job, I remember helping him with his resume, crafting the words in a traditional paper format.  You know the drill: Objective, Work Experience, Education, References, etc.  Now as he gets closer to really needing a resume it dawned on me that he needs to concern himself with much more than a classic Curriculum Vitae.  He needs to concern himself with his online resume, in particular, his Facebook resume.  So, we had “the talk.”  In this talk, the protection we discussed had nothing to do with prophylactics (although we DID once have THAT talk).  In this talk I told him to assume that for any job he might apply for, the employer would see everything on his Facebook page.  He should assume that his potential future employers would “Google” him, and take a close look at his digital life.  In some cases that may be more important to them than his old fashioned resume.  I told him that, like it or not, he had to use common sense and think about and filter anything and everything he posts online with the understanding that it may very well shape the impressions of the people who will help him launch his career.

    Online Is The Real Vegas

    The clever catchphrase of Las Vegas notwithstanding, what happens online does indeed stay online, and that is an important lesson for us to teach our kids.  They have to be made aware that “cyberspace” has a better memory than any elephant. Digital ink is more indelible than any Sharpie pen.  The silliness they may choose to share with their friends is more than likely going to be visible by family and employer alike.  Even if some networks and things are truly private, I think the best way for our kids to approach their online lifestream is to use protection and proceed with the assumption that anything and everything they choose to share is discoverable.

    What do you think?  Have you had this talk with your kids?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © ioannis kounadeas – Fotolia.com

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    Leading by Example

    We dads know that we’re teaching our children by what we do, not just by what we say. This video brings home that message loud and clear.
    Even if our children aren’t around, we should try to stay true to our code of conduct and behave in a way that would make them proud.
    Remember this the next time you’re in a tough situation or about to lose your temper. Let’s lead by example.

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    Dermott

    Back then I got straight A’s at school. Dermott sat behind me.

    Dermott didn’t do his homework, tried drugs early, slept in class. I liked Dermott. He was one of the cool kids, always smiling. He accepted me, a nerd.

    Deep down I thought I was on the “right path” and Dermott was on the “wrong path.”

    Today, Dermott is one of the most successful businesspeople I know. He fell into Wall Street, got his own seat on the Exchange, has a beautiful wife of many years, and a rich family life.

    Why am I telling you this?

    My seven-year old is nervous about an aptitude test he’ll take on Saturday. It determines if he gets into the third grade “honors class.”

    I told him about Dermott. Dermott didn’t “get started” until he was in high school. Dermott’s success was not contingent on his third-grade behavior.

    “Zachary,” I said, “whether you get into the honors class or not will have virtually no impact on your lifetime success. Your success will depend on many things: Your interests, luck, who you meet in life, what you pursue.”

    “You like to learn and we love you for that. You like to play soccer but you don’t score a goal every time. You don’t have to do ‘great’ on every test either. Feel good you are trying your best.”

    Your child’s aptitude

    My thoughts today, parent-worriers, is this: If your child has Dermott-like tendencies, don’t despair. How Junior does on his third grade math test will not likely have an affect on his/her future.

    Do you agree?

    Good luck from a fellow Dad,

    :: Joe Hage ::

    P.S. 7,000 kids in America die from sudden cardiac arrest each year. I set up a discount site at http://UrKidatSchool.com where 19 AED defibrillator to protect your kids at school are available (as of this writing). Please seriously consider getting one. (Disclosure: I work for the company that makes them.) Thanks.

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    Cast of Dads Episode 5: Guys Love Gadgets!

    The Cast of Dads are at it again.  Last week I was in Las Vegas for the Consumer Electronics Show (CES).  For a few busy days Las Vegas is converted from Sin City to Geek Heaven as the Convention Center is loaded with Gadgets galore.  In honor of  CES, this week the Cast of Dads talk about the gadgets we love and the gadgets we lust for.  In this episode we cover:

    • My CES review
    • Universal Remote Controls
    • eReaders everywhere
    • The rise of the app stores
    • Sony Dash
    • Chumby
    • iPhones
    • Will Palm survive?
    • Where we get our on demand video content?
    • Roku Box
    • Boxee Box
    • Apple TV and the Apple Tablet
    • Lenovo Tablet
    • Sony Bloggie Camera
    • Kodak Playsport waterproof camera

    You can listen to Episode 5 here.  You can also subscribe to Cast of Dads either from our direct feed or in iTunes.  If you like what you hear, please leave a review!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood.  The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Foursquare And Seven Days Ago…

    “It’s ten o’clock… do you know where your children are?”  In the days before mobile phones and text messaging, that was a line in a frequently broadcast Public Service Announcement.  Even in our connected world today, as parents we still DO want to know where our children are… all the time.  Now we have the advantage of calling or texting our kids (assuming they are of “phone age” – which is getting younger and younger by the year). I recently discovered another way we can use our smartphones to “check in” with our kids.

    Geek Chic, And Fun For Parents Too

    One of the companies rising in popularity amongst the tech crowd is Foursquare, a mobile social network that cleverly leverages location based information and gaming elements to keep friends in touch and make exploring the cities you live in and visit more fun.  Using the mobile web or an app for your iPhone, Android, or Palm WebOS phone, Foursquare makes it easy to “check in” at any location you are at.  When you check in, your location (and a short “shout out” message) is broadcast to your Foursquare friends in the same city (and, optionally, to your Twitter or Facebook account). In addition to knowing where all your friends are, as you “check in” to different venues and locations, you earn points and badges on your way to becoming the “Mayor” (person with the most visits) of a particular location.  I recently added my own twist to Foursquare by introducing my son Zach to the program.

    It’s Ten O’Clock And I Do Know Where My Children Are

    Zach has an iPhone so I encouraged him to get the Foursquare iPhone app and sign up for an account, which he did. Zach commutes to college and works most nights at a restaurant.  He has a very busy schedule and though we live in the same house we are rarely home at the same time.  I often call or text him “where are you?” just to check in and make sure I know that he is ok. Now, with both of us using Foursquare, I know when he has arrived at school and when he gets to work in the evening.  At the same time, he knows where I am, and Zach said he enjoyed following my movements and felt more connected than usual during my recent trip to Las Vegas for the CES show, as Foursquare let him virtually follow me around the convention.

    Responsibility And Trust

    Foursquare is not a tracking program, and if you are looking for a way to passively keep track of your kid’s movements, this is not the answer.  In order for your location to be broadcast to your friends with Foursquare you have to actively check in at each place you want to share.  It is completely opt-in and not automatic.  On the other hand, if your child has a smartphone and you are looking for a fun way to get them to let you know where they are, and build a sense of responsibility and trust along the way, playing Foursquare could be a lot of fun and functional.

    What do you think?  Would you use a game like Foursquare to help stay in touch with your kids, or am I just an old geek?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    A little love…

    … can go a long way.

    This took me an extra 45 seconds and I know what Zachary’s reaction will be.

     

     

    What Zach will see in his lunchbox tomorrow

    What one little extra can you do for your child today?

    Good luck from a fellow dad,
    :: Joe Hage ::

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    Reflection and Affection

    As one year winds down and another begins it is always a time to look back and look forward, to reflect on the year that has passed and to plan for the year ahead. 2009 was both a challenging and rewarding year as we battened down the hatches both at work and at home to weather the choppy seas of an unstable economy.  As parents it is especially challenging to manage the stresses of the real world and at the same time continue to provide our kids with a strong sense of safety and security.  After all, they will have plenty of time to worry on their own when they grow up.  Childhood is the rare time to truly experience the world and life as purely and as worry free as possible, and as parents it is a joy to do our part in providing such an environment for our kids.  2009 surely put us all to the test in that regard.

    Look Ma, No Hands

    For me, in my job as “dad,” 2009 was a remarkable year.  My oldest son turned 21, and my youngest, my daughter, turned 18, making 2009 the year all three of my kids technically were “adults” and the first year one of my children and I could legally share a celebratory glass of champagne on New Year’s Eve.  Despite being able to label my kids as adults, 2009 was also the year I recommitted myself to fatherhood by sharing my experiences here at Dad-O-Matic.  Yes, I began writing for Dad-O-Matic toward the end of 2008, but in 2009 I was with you here every single week, and as a result this blog, and the great community around it, became a very important part of my fatherhood routine.  Not only did I connect with so many of you through these posts, but Dad-O-Matic has provided me with the opportunity to connect and share with my kids in new ways, and to point new spotlights on them as I share our experiences with you. One of the highlights of 2009 for me was being a part of the Sony DigiDad Project and thus having the chance to create some memorable videos with my parents and my kids.  I also met some fantastic other dads which has led to a new project, the Cast of Dads podcast.

    The Year Ahead

    As remarkable as 2009 was, I already know that 2010 is going to be even better.  As the Dad-O-Matic and Cast of Dads communities continue to grow, along with other “dad” group blogs like Digital Dads and Dad Labs, 2010 may turn out to be the year of the Dad!  On a more personal note, 2010 will be the first year one of my sons will be living away from home, in another State, which has already left me in quite a state trying to adjust!  This year will also have me attending two significant graduations as my oldest son will finish college and my daughter will graduate High School.  These are the things I know about 2010, and I am even more excited about the things I don’t know are yet to come!

    I Love You, Man!

    As I look back and forward my reflection leads to affection.  The deep love and affection I feel for my kids… the affection I feel for you, for taking the time to read and comment and share… and the affection and appreciation I have for living in a time where all this and more is possible.  Thanks to being a Dad and the wonderful, life altering, life enriching experience of raising and guiding my children, and sharing a piece of that experience with you, I enter 2010 with more connections, more friends, and more optimism for the future than I have ever had before.  While there is still uncertainty and challenges ahead, I am blessed to have a loving family, a loving relationship, and a love and passion for everything I do. Not a bad way to start the year.

    Thank YOU for listening and for being a part of my year, and best wishes for you and your families to have a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Cast of Dads 4: Happy New Year (and Making it to Midnight!)

     

    The Cast of Dads could not resist getting together to record one last podcast for 2009.  Certainly one of our highlights of the year was getting together because of the Sony DigiDad Project, and we have been having a lot of fun sharing our stories and just “shooting the breeze” together ever since in our weekly “Cast of Dads” podcast.  We appreciate all the support from you and look forward to many more episodes of Cast of Dads in 2010.  Together we are going to help make 2010 the “Year of the Dad!” and we could not do it without the great Dadomatic community!  Here is what we talk about in our end of year podcast (hmmm, can you see a pattern here?):

    • Gifts we Got
    • Beer
    • Microbrews
    • Beer of the Month Club
    • New Year’s Traditions
    • Drinking in general
    • Scotch
    • Making it till midnight?
    • 2010 Resolutions
    • When did we do our first funnel?
    • Dr. Does & Naughty Nurse —>
    • Predictions for 2010

    You can listen to Eposide 4 here, and you can also subscribe to Cast of Dads in iTunes.

    On behalf of all the Dads in our cast, and everyone here at Dadomatic we send you our very best wishes for a safe, happy and healthy holiday and a wonderful New Year!

    See you next year!

    Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood.  The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff,Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Opening Doors To Your Children’s Dreams

    As parents we are many things.  At times we are the masters, at times we are the mentors.  We have to be both teacher and preacher.  We have to lead and feed and seed our children so that they grow into happy and productive adults.  We live in stressful and complicated times and now, more than ever, it is important to just be happy!  As many of us – myself included – can relate to, that is often easier said than done.

    Don’t Worry, Be Passionate!

    One of the surest ways to be happy is to pursue things you have a passion for, no matter what it is.  Reading, writing, cooking, knitting, drawing, sports, music, whatever it is that gives you that tingle of adrenalin and makes you smile just thinking about doing it, is the thing you should make sure you are finding ways to pursue.  As a dad, I have tried to make my passions obvious to my kids, and stressed to them the benefit of being passionate and, trite as it may sound, following your dreams.  As parents, I think it is our job to encourage our kids to believe that every door can be opened for them if they believe it, and are willing to work for it.

    Guitar Man

    With that in mind, I am enormously proud of my son Ethan, who moved to Boston today to pursue his dream and passion for his guitar at the Berklee College of Music.  When he first graduated from High School, he did not take the necessary steps to apply for admission to Berklee and he ended up in the music program at a local University. However, he did not give up, and set a goal to transfer to Berklee, a goal he has now achieved.  As a new door opens for him in Boston, it is with mixed emotions that I close the door to his room here at home.  I will sorely miss the sound of his guitar, which has been a welcome household soundtrack for many years, but I can only be happy and proud to know he is pursuing his dream.

    Before he left, I made this video of him “jamming” in his room.  Of course, I am partial, but I hope you enjoy it, and more importantly, I hope you too are helping your kids open the doors to their passions and dreams, whatever they may be.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    We could learn a lesson from Rudolph

    Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Cast

    Have you ever paid close attention to the classic Christmas television program Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Rudolph and Hermey are misfits and the misfit toys are marooned on an Arctic island. It seems people with differences are sort of dismissed. But what’s interesting is that the North Pole is actually quite similar to our own world. We see people with differences every day. Perhaps Christmas is the time to show a little more tolerance.

    The number of people with differences is growing. Recently, the Wall Street Journal reported an increase in the number of children with Autism. The National Down Syndrome Society reports one in every 733 births results in a child with Down syndrome. More and more people with differences and disabilities are included in our daily lives. Heck, even the Department of Labor recognizes the increase of people with disabilities in the workplace and has an Office of Disability Employment Policy.

    So who needs a Charlie in the Box or a train with square wheels? We all do.  People with disabilities enrich our lives.  Remember the ending of Rudolph?  Santa discovered Rudolph could help guide his sleigh, Hermey removed the teeth of the Abominable  Snowman while Yukon Cornelius had him place the star on top of the Christmas tree.  And Santa made good on a promise to ensure all the misfit toys found children on Christmas morning.

    It’s funny how lessons can be learned from the most basic stories.  I hope you have a happy holiday seaon and make room in your life for greater tolerance of people with differences.

    Merry Christmas!

    Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by K!T

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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    How A Social Media Guru Helped My Son With His Homework

    Thanks to technology, our kids are growing up in an amazing time. Homework assignments that I would have had to use construction paper, crayons and Elmer’s Glue to complete are now being accomplished with laptops and PowerPoint.  Stacks of papers and notebooks have been replaced by files on key chain sized USB drives.  Those are just some of the obvious uses of technology in the classroom.  With all the cool “web 2.0″ and “Social Media” tools available kids are coming up with new and creative ways to fulfill their homework assignments and recently I was happy to make a suggestion that that helped my son get an “A.”

    The Animated Ghost of Christmas Present

    My son was frustrated with an assignment to act out “Stave 3” of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”  Most of his class was going to create a skit of the scene between Ebenezer Scrooge and the second of the three spirits he would encounter, however my son was having a hard time getting together with his classmates to write and rehearse a skit.

    I suggested, “Why don’t you make a cartoon?”  He looked at me like I was crazy.  ”Seriously,” I said.  ”I saw this really cool animation called ‘The Social Media Guru’ that was made using a website where you type the script, direct the characters, and it spits out a YouTube video!”   He was intrigued.  I pointed him to www.xtranormal.com and he was off to the races.

    While the hysterical Social Media Guru video is NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR KIDS, my son’s assignment for his class is, and it is embedded below.

    How have your kids used new technology tools for their class assignments?  Please let us know in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: Jane – Fotolia.com

     

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    Daddy, Can I Read to You?

    grinch01I’m in the middle of one of those periods where I look at my daughter, about to turn six, and am amazed. I guess I shouldn’t be. When I was five, I started reading Dr. Seuss books to my grandfather. When Trish was very young, she was reading and speaking two languages. Katie will turn six this month, and she is reading. Not just little words, either. She can sound out a very long word phonetically, and then her mind sort of CLICKS…she looks up and says the word.

    We started out easy. Instead of me reading to her at bedtime as we’ve always done, she reads to me. She read “Go Dogs Go” and “Hop on Pop”. We were halfway through “I Wish I Had Duck Feet” when she decided on something harder. She is now reading me, a page or two at a time, “How The Grinch Stole Christmas.” This is a hard book. Just the word Christmas is rough for a six year old, but she’s toughing it out. Now she recognizes a lot of the harder words on sight, and even has mastered sounding out and being delighted by words that don’t exist, like ‘Grinchy’.

    When she’s done, I’ve promised to read it all back to her with “the voices” and on Christmas Eve I’ll be reading “The Night Before Christmas,” hopefully to all the kids, young and old.

    For now, though, my little girl is reading … and few things have made me more proud.

    -DNW

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    The Best Things About Fatherhood Are Free

    Fotolia_18875491_XSMovies, bowling, pizza, arcades, museums, concerts, shows, Ice Capades, circuses, Chucky Cheese, Dave & Busters, ice skating, rollerskating, sporting events, shopping, pottery, fairs, carnivals, planetariums, aquariums, theme parks, amusement parks, skiing, go-carts…  There are no shortage of ways to spend money to entertain our kids, and spend we do.  As much as they have fun and enjoy these costly excursions, is that really what our kids want from us?

    This weekend I went on two, hour-long walks with my oldest son.  We walked, we talked, I listened to him and asked him questions, and I listened to his answers and asked him more.  I gave him advice and encouragement and he gave me a tremendous sense of pride as he shared glimpses of the fine young man he has become.

    Taking the time to walk, talk and listen with my son I realized that as a Dad I have been guilty of too often taking the easy way out and “paying” to entertain my kids, when all they really want is my time and attention.  They don’t really want to “go somewhere” or “do something” as much as they want to simply spend time with me, and have me really be there with them, giving them one hundred percent of my attention during that time. The most rewarding activity for them and me, is free!  I need to remember that more often.

    Sure, time is money… but the time we really spend with our kids is priceless.

    Agree?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Metin Tolun – Fotolia.com

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    Life Lessons from City Slickers

    The movie City Slickers (1991) was a successful comedy starring Billy Crystal but what I loved most about the movie is its many tender moments like the clips I’m sharing here. There are some great life lessons here such as the one thing lesson from Jack Palance or the Best/Worst day stories from Billy and his pals while riding and his amazing Career Day speech at school about growing up and growing old.

    Enjoy!

    Jack Palance teaches Billy about “The One Thing” (There’s nothing like bringing in the herd)

    Here’s the Best/Worst Day ever stories (wonderful stuff from Bruno Kirby at the end, R.I.P)

    Billy’s Career Day Speech

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    The Journey Episode 2: Attention To Detail

    Here’s the next post in my journey – it is in part a response to Jeff Sass’ post

    Upfront disclaimer: In this post I compare child raising to dog training.
    Also, there is an appearance by the star of the show, Miles!

    Here’s the video:

    For those parents too busy to watch, here’s the summary:

    The other day I was reflecting on how much work is really involved in raising a child and I realized that it’s much more than I had really been thinking. Here’s the gist…

    * Everything begins with what you and your partner/husband/wife want for your child or children.
    * This is then adjusted to fit the actual child you have (constant updates are necessary as your child develops so that you notice who they really are as opposed to who you want them to be). In other words, if you have a kid with no natural dexterity but who loves to sing and draw, you want to notice and encourage their natural strengths and proclivities rather than forcing them to ‘fix their weaknesses’. Those instead will come along in time.
    * Add to those things a working knowledge of the stages of neurological development (here’s a very basic primer: http://humanoperatingsystem.org/progressiveparents/ages_and_stages.pdf)
    * Once you have some sense of who your kid is, what you want for them and the basics of neural development, begin paying attention to everything they do and making sure that you give them clear yes/no signals keeping them on track for who they are becoming.
    * Enjoy yourself

    Devon White is a professional neurohacker and the lead developer of the Human Operating System. He is father to Miles. He blogs on Dadomatic.com about his journey as a father.

    Deep Background

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    Nesting Danger Signs

    My job requires a lot of travel. It’s a fact of life; in a way the balance of our marriage teeters on it. I have overheard my wife assert on many occasions that I am required to spend at least one night a week on the road so she can get the house fully clean. So, when our pediatrician recommended that I not leave town during my wife’s third trimester I completely misunderstood his serious tone for medical conservatism. It was one of those man-to-man warnings, but I was too naive to listen.

    My wife Elaine is a beautiful, intelligent, competent woman who runs an efficient household if I don’t help too much. She is level headed and financially prudent, almost to a fault. For example, she issues me a single check that I fold carefully in my wallet. In an emergency I am authorized to use it, provided I report the location of the expenditure, its amount, and the purpose within 24 hours.  If I meet these requirements I am eligible for a replacement check. Each day I am on the road I offer my humble thanks to the genius who invented the ATM machine. I like to think he was a married man as well.

    In honesty, I must point out that her fiscal conservatism is not entirely unwarranted. I am an excursion leader for the largest ecotourism operator in the United States. You have probably heard our motto: “We make eco-guilt fun!” The last time I was forced to use a check was off the coast of Africa. Using my satellite phone, I gave my wife my location on the island of Sao Tome that the purpose of the expenditure was to acquire ‘fully deceased, non-arachnid meals’ for a culinary- minded tour group, and the exact amount. This is documented clearly in the check’s memo field.

    Unfortunately, I was never strong in math and made a minor mistake on the Dollar-to- Dobra exchange rate. I mean any currency that trades at 15,443.18 to the dollar is mathematically challenging for a former History of Consciousness major. Hey, I was only off by a decimal place! I thought the bank unreasonably inflexible when they bounced our mortgage, car and credit card payments.

    Since then Elaine programs my solar calculator with the correct exchange rate prior to each trip. I am hopeful that I will qualify for another blank check by Christmas this year. Santa needs to keep at least one secret.

    Pregnancy announced the first break in my wife’s unerring practicality.  I was leading a rather timid group of New Englanders across the Kushk River into Turkmenistan when she called.

    “Guess what! The Laura Ashley Hey Diddle Border for the boy’s room is on sale!” She gushed.

    “That’s great honey,” I responded as I navigated a rope bridge with my free hand.

    “The only problem is we need to buy the comforter, which is full price, but don’t worry I’m saving nearly that much on installation,”

    “Oh?” I said, my attention focused on a portly man whose weight and poor equilibrium threatened to snap the rope if he slipped.

    “My mother is flying home to help me put it up,” she gushed. Ok,” I responded, a little unnerved by the fact that I was being consulted on something so clearly in Elaine’s domain. Since when was I promoted to the interior design committee? This should have been my first clue that she had entered the charmingly altered state of “nesting”.

    Her mother flew in the following day; first grandchildren receive dominion within the extended family that their post scripted siblings will only imagine. After moving the unassembled and still packaged equipment from the room, the two women stopped to survey their historic task.

    “It seems a shame to mount that beautiful border on this dingy wall,” the Nana-elect observed.  Why don’t I paint it a nice mystical blue?”

    “We should!” Elaine responded.

    “Not we dear,” Nana replied, patting Elaine’s belly affectionately. “No paint fumes for this boy. Why don’t you go buy some nice masculine baby clothes,” she suggested.

    ”Well I can at least help you tape the windows,” Elaine insisted. They spent that entire day protecting each strip of quarter-round, electrical outlet, light switch, plus the spotted aluminum frames of our 1950’s style rollout windows. They ate a hearty dinner before focusing on the room’s central light fixture, a squat unacceptable globe that hung to the ceiling like old bubble gum and concentrated light on the dust bunnies that lived in the corners of the room. Both women frowned.

    “I’ve always imagined the baby’s room filled with light, so I could keep it completely clean and sanitary,” Elaine agonized.

    “Then let’s get shopping,” Nana barked, and before you knew it, certainly before I knew it, they were stalking the aisles of Rooms-to-Finance. Those of you who think of power tools and lawnmowers as the instruments of home improvement will be horrified to see the military quality technology that is paraded before your starry eyed wives in the name of sanitary child rearing.

    Ultimately they selected a ceiling fan light combination that could deliver wattage that included a hypnotic blue glow guaranteed to drive the coliciest baby into REM sleep, a daytime setting that produced all the endorphins of summer sunlight in gently swaying wheat and an emergency setting that would expose diaper rash better than a border patrol spotlight. The fan’s Breeze Mode was guaranteed to simulate a gentle outdoor wind while the turbo mode used an algorithm patented by NASA and JPL to simulate tornadoes that was guaranteed to suck diaper odors into the upper atmosphere. The price clearly reflected the potential of NASA’s commercialization efforts. An OSHA compliant air filter, an air iodizer and an Ultraviolet light filter certified to destroy anthrax spores completed the assembly.

    The next day Nana painted enthusiastically while Elaine took bids on the installation of the light and the upgrade of our electrical system to handle the new peak load requirement. This completed, Elaine could not resist inspecting the progress in the nursery. The ceiling and one wall had already taken on mystic blue proportions.

    “Mom, it’s beautiful,” Elaine cried tearing up.

    “Honey, you shouldn’t be in here, look how the solvents are irritating your eyes,” her mother said as she hustled her out of the room. “I tried to ventilate the room but only one of the hand cranks seems to work and that window only opens part way.”

    “I have always hated those windows,” Elaine replied, narrowing her eyes in fury. “Dan promised me he would replace them when we had the money but he never did. I don’t know how I can possibly keep the nursery sanitary without any fresh air.”

    Which is how I arrived home to a crew of 3 jackhammers removing 4.5 inches of brick from the front and west facades of our home to accommodate our new Pella windows. When I asked why we weren’t just replacing the bedroom windows I was informed exactly how ridiculous that would look. I really had no idea how badly it would embarrass our neighbors and affect their property values if the front of our house was marred by mismatched windows. Fortunately the power was only out for 2 more days. I really do crave a warm shower after bathing in leech infested rivers for 2 weeks.

    And just in case you remember how this started, I was the one who finally installed the Hey-Diddle-Diddle border after Nana’s flight. Elaine seemed pleased that I sang as I worked, and she was too distracted to listen to the words: “Nesting isn’t painless, it brings on many changes” to the tune of the MASH theme song.


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    Your Dream is NOT for Sale

    Craig Valentine gives an inspirational 7-minute speech here that I just stumbled across. I have to say that I really liked what he had to say when it comes to going for your dream in life. He shares a great story about a monumental decision he had to make in his career between money and his dreams and his wife told him “Your dream is not for sale!” This is a great example of why our wives are known as The Better Half! I guess that’s why they get so mad at us husbands for not listening to them, it’s because they think we’ll miss out on some sage advice? I’m kidding of course but not really. I do think it’s important that we pay attention to our partners, especially when it comes to our career choices because every decision impacts the family in a tremendous way.

    The other powerful part of this speech that will stay with you is when Craig talks about the things that prevent us from living our dream. It’s not the usual obstacles and hurdles we all know about, but something very surprising. He said the number one thing that stops us from reaching our dreams is the good life. He said sometimes having it too good prevents us from being great. “Are you too good to be great?” he asked. Being comfortable and complacent has killed more dreams than anything else ever has. Settling for good prevents us from greatness. Wow. What a different way of looking at things, huh?

    Why am I writing about dreams and career choices on a dad blog? Well, it’s that time of year again when we all get reflective over the past year and we spend time planning for the new year coming up. This is the perfect time to evaluate our current situations and adjust our game plan in order to keep our ship headed in the right direction. Remember, as the man of the family, your happiness is just as important as everyone else’s. Are you living your dream? Are you being all you can be (sorry for the Army slogan)? If you’re happy and achieving the most from your potential then your family will also reap the benefits, not just financially but in so many other ways thanks to your happiness.

    Also, this all reminds me of my favorite movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. Jimmy Stewart had big dreams to build giant skyscapers and bridges and go see the world, but he never achieved them. Still, in the end, he realized that he was living his dream after all, just a different one he never imagined he’d live. We need to realize that we might not be able to live the dreams of our youth but we can still make new dreams come true. Dreams that include your family. Remember, our wives have their own dreams too, as do our children. That’s why it’s important to communicate as much as possible. Also, there is strength in numbers, so working together can only help you and your family realize your dreams.

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    When Your Child’s Hero Falls

    Tiger Woods is just the latest example of a sports star gone astray. Their face is peppered across all media outlets and the publicity is nothing but negative. As adults we know how to deal with this sort of disappointment. It doesn’t bother us much and after a few weeks or months we forget about it altogether.

    For kids things can be different. Although kids naturally move between heroes or interests every few months, they think just as well of the heroes they had as the heroes they have.

    Sometimes, You Can Just Ignore It

    Maybe your kid’s hero did something which will blow over in a couple of weeks. Examples of this usually involve an instance of speaking before thinking. They’ll issue an apology for the horribly insensitive thing they’ve said and we all go on with our lives. Your child never has to hear anything about it and may not even hear anything at school.

    Sometimes Your Child’s Hero Kills Dogs

    If your kid’s hero is Michael Vick and Michael is going to go to jail for a while for his involvement in fighting, torturing and killing dogs you’ll have to bring this up with your child. If you don’t bring it up, your child will hear it at school or from the media at some point. They’ll also notice their favorite player missing from the field of play. It is important for you to build perspective before your child hears the story somewhere else.

    Talk About The Issue, Not The Star

    By starting the conversation with “Not everyone is nice to dogs” instead of “Your favorite Football player isn’t nice to dogs” you’ll skirt the tendency of your child to defend his favorite player. He will agree that everyone should always be nice to dogs, no matter what. Once your child understands how the issue is wrong, you can bring up his idol. Don’t be surprised by your child’s shock, instead be supportive and make sure your child understands why Vick is going to jail.

    Promote The Second-Favorite

    After your child has had a little while to absorb the shock of the news he will be sad. Whoever his second-favorite player is, bring him up as often as possible. “Did you see so-and-so’s interception the other night? That guy has hands made of magic!” Even if your child doesn’t switch to his second-favorite, at least this trick will take his mind off of his fallen Idol.

    The Rest Is Up To Them

    Unless your child has follow-up questions about the issue or the player, you’d be best served by dropping the issue. In the end your child will make up his own mind about both.

    Nothing about this is easy. If you must have this talk with your child make sure you are prepared to be patient and understanding. Children deal with disappointment in very different ways.

    Danny Grubb lives in Seattle with his wife and twin girls.  He is the founder of GladDads.com and believes that every Dad has a story to tell and knowledge to share.  When he’s not blogging or parenting, Danny enjoys putting random items in unsupervised shopping carts.

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    The First Rule of Fatherhood: There Are No Rules!

    NO RulesUnlike FIGHT CLUB, when it comes to the rules of Fatherhood, it is ok to talk about them freely, especially here at Dad-O-Matic.  But are there really any rules of Fatherhood, or Parenthood for that matter?  I’d argue that there are no rules except for one: Never do anything that could harm or endanger your child.  Outside of that, it seems that there are no hard and fast rules for being a good dad.  Certainly when our kids are born they do not come with a manual or FAQ. Sure, there are books and magazines we can read and videos we can watch and web sites we can visit, but I think that most dads just go with our guts.  We each approach fatherhood from our own unique perspective, taking cues from our own childhood experiences, as well as our own personalities and points of view.

    VIVA LA DIFFERENCE

    One of the great things about a collaborative blog like this one is that you, the readers, get the benefit of peeking into the minds of a varied group of dads at various stages of fatherhood, careers, marriage, and life in general.  We are a motley bunch who rant and rave about the things that irk us, and rave about our kids and the things we like.  We share things that make us laugh and things that make us cry.  We share our challenges and our triumphs, and most of all we share our passion for being a dad.  Our common bond is our greatest responsibility and the source of our greatest rewards – our children.

    LEARN, BABY, LEARN

    As I have spent 21 years writing my own Dad rulebook in real time by raising my kids, it is humbling how much there still is to learn from others.  As much as I enjoy writing for Dad-O-Matic, (thanks Chris and Pai for the opportunity!) I also greatly enjoy being a Dad-O-Matic reader, and having the opportunity to compare and contrast my views and experiences with the other dads and with all of you through your comments.  In particular, lately I have been fascinated by the fatherhood journey that Devon White has begun to share here, as it introduces a take on parenting that I was completely unaware of when my kids were the age of Devon’s son Miles. Judging from the comments to his posts, many of you find “Intentional” parenting interesting as well.

    What do you think?  Are there any rules of Fatherhood that you abide by?  This is not FIGHT CLUB so please do talk about it in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Happy What?

    Holiday Wreath

    It’s that time of year. The holidays, Christmas, Chanukah and more are celebrated. Bright lights, holy symbols, and wintery decorations galore. It’s also become the season where folks no longer greet people with naming the holiday.

    Parenting is tough. There are tons of things you want to teach your children. Tolerance should be at the top right? Well I’d like to take a stance and tell you that ignoring holidays, especially religious ones, isn’t showing tolerance, it’s showing fear.

    Raising my boys in a Christian household, we’ve always celebrated Christmas. The birth of Christ is what it means for us. Beyond that though, this season represents a time of love and caring. My wife and I did our best to teach our sons love isn’t how you feel, it’s how you act.

    I’m blessed in my adult life to have friends from not just a Christian background but Jewish, Muslim, and even atheists. I want my family to be as loving and caring to them as anyone else. So I’ve been teaching them, and my friends I hope to give up avoiding religious greetings but instead return them with gusto.

    When someone greets you with Merry Christmas or Happy Chanukah, it’s not about them forcing anything on you. It’s about that person sharing a blessing with you. Teaching your children this is far better, in my opinion, than teaching them to avoid that greeting.

    Your son may not hear it from his teachers, or the store clerk, but that’s no reason to not encourage him to say it himself. As long as your child is saying it in the spirit of love and sharing of joy, then it’s not an attack. Likewise, when a friend says Happy Chanukah to him, your son will respond with ‘and also to you, and Merry Christmas.’

    Help your children along this path to tolerance this year by not just reminding to great others kindly and in kind, but doing other things as well. Take them out to purchase appropriate cards for their friends of other faiths. Teach them to accept those same cards with joy and honor.

    Also, consider making time for you and your child to learn about other religions. What they believe in relation to what you believe will open may doors for discussion. A perfect opportunity will be manger scenes, menorahs and more.

    This year the granddaughters and I are going to play dreidel. I received one as a gift from a Jewish friend. They’ll just take it as a fun game, but I’ll be able to share a bit of culture along the way.

    What will you be teaching your children this holiday?

    Todd Jordan is a father of two boys, now men, and grandfather to three lovely girls. He writes on his own blog, The Broad Brush, and can be found on Twitter as tojosan.

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    Just Another Day in Paradise

    Phil Vassar’s wonderful song “Just Another Day in Paradise” captures the feeling most of us dads have but more than likely never express so eloquently. Its message is so pure and so simple, yet so profound. Even when things appear messy and chaotic and things don’t go the way we planned them (they rarely do), we still need to stop and appreciate all the blessings in our lives. Nobody ever said paradise was perfect. Life is still beautiful even when it feels disorganized and like a runaway train. It’s all part of the process… the highs come with the lows. Such is the yin and yang of marriage and family life. We can’t lose sight of the big picture when the pixels get all blurry for a second or two. Stay focused on all the joys that you are blessed with, not just this time of year but all year long. Sit back and enjoy the ride on the crazy train of life.

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    Happy Melancholy-days! Five Reasons NOT To Be A Scrooge This Year!

    bulldogs dressed up as santa and rudolph - upset santaWe are in that awkward time between Thanksgiving, and New Year’s, when the various “Holy Days” (a.k.a. Holidays) kick in.  Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, or some other seasonal ritual, one thing is certain, you will be inundated with the commercialism of the season.  Black Friday, Cyber Monday, mauling at the mall, the pressure is on.  Many folks, myself included, often feel overwhelmed this time of year, and easily fall into a funk.  Before you acquiesce to the desire to shout “Bah Humbug” here are…

    Five Reasons NOT To Be A Scrooge This Year:

    1) You are breathing!  ’Nuff said.  You are alive. Don’t take it for granted!  Carpe Diem and all that jazz!

    2) If you are reading this blog, you have already discovered the Interwebs.  They are amazing.  You can find any information you can imagine flowing through this series of tubes called the Internet.  Find something to make you smile.  You can start here.

    3) If you are reading this blog you may have kids.  If you don’t, borrow some for an afternoon.  Babysit for a neighbor or relative.  Children are a joy and and a constant reminder of the bigger picture and what really matters. (Hint: It is NOT holiday shopping).  Be thankful for your kids.

    4) You made it!  If you are already exploring your inner Scrooge, you likely did the same thing last year.  Guess what? You still made it intact through the 2008 holidays and almost all of 2009 and you are no worse for the wear.  In fact, if you are honest with yourself, last holiday season wasn’t really all that bad, and there are probably some things that happened during the year that made you happy and proud. (Hint: Look at your kids again!)

    5) What the Dickens? It is up to YOU to choose how you want to approach the Holidays this year, and set the example for your kids.  Why choose Scrooge when it is so much easier and more fun to choose to be thankful, helpful, reflective on the past and inspired for the future.  Scrooge was a fictional character. He didn’t have a choice.  You are real. You do!

    So, what’s it gonna be?  Scrooge?  Bah humbug!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Willee Cole – Fotolia.com

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    Ten Reasons To Be Thankful For Your Kids At Thanksgiving

    ZeoIf you are a parent, you should have no trouble looking for things to be thankful for this holiday season.  You need look no further than your children. While parenthood is full of stress, challenges and worries, it is also rich with rewards.  Yet, with all the hustle and bustle of a home full of kids, it is easy to take for granted some of the true blessings of being a parent.  Thus, with Thanksgiving a few days away, as a reminder to myself, here are…

    Ten Reasons To Be Thankful For Your Kids:

    10) They Are Constant Companions – A home with kids is never quiet, never lonely. Whether you need to run to the store, or give the dogs a bath, or just have someone to sit next to on the couch, with a child around, you always have someone to come along for the ride.

    9) They Are Always An Audience – Your children are an ever present audience whenever you feel the urge to perform.  Whether it is telling a joke or story, dancing like a doofus, or singing off-key, your kids are almost always guaranteed to laugh (with or at you) and applaud.  All the word’s a stage, and there’s always a kid (preferably yours) in the audience.

    8 ) They Are Entertainment – If you are a parent and you are ever bored, it is your fault.  Kids can provide a constant stream of entertainment. From the faces they make to the things they say and do, an observant parent is an entertained parent.

    7) They Are A Magic Mirror – Children are a magical mirror.  The longer you look,  the older they get, the more of yourself you can see in them.  Look carefully and you will learn more about yourself than any other mirror can reveal.

    6) They Are Great Students – A child is always a student at your side, eager to learn from you more than all others.  Share your knowledge and experience, great and small.  Be the Master, and let your child be the ever willing Grasshopper.

    5) They Are Great Teachers – Role reversal is an integral part of parenting.   As much as we can teach our kids, there is so much more we can learn from them if we pay attention.

    4) They Are Our Conscience – A child of any age is like that little angel conscience sitting on your shoulder whispering in your ear.  Even the knowing gaze of an infant will remind you to think about your choices, and more importantly, the consequences.  Older kids will simply blurt out the words you are already thinking, such as “Dad, if you eat another donut your pants won’t fit!”

    3) They Are Our “Raison D’etre” – As a parent, there is no need to search for meaning in life or that elusive “reason for being.”  Your mission here is clear.  It is all about your kids.  Recognizing that can be a constant source of pride, joy and accomplishment.

    2) They Are Our Legacy – It is not only vampires who seek immortality.  It is every person’s dream to leave their mark on the world, and every parent does, through their children.

    1) They Are Love – There is no better, no stronger, no more amazing love than the love of a parent for their child.  Except perhaps, the love of a child for their parent.  Both are worth everything.

    For all of the above, and so much more, this Thanksgiving I am thankful for my three kids, Zach, Ethan and Olivia.  I am also thankful for much more in my life, and many others important and close to me, but as this is Dad-o-matic, this post is dedicated to my kids.

    How about you?  Have I left out any reasons you are thankful for your kids?  Please add to the list in the comments, and HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    What To Do With Leftover Halloween Candy

    candy drawer

    Photo credit i eated a cookie (candy drawer) via Flickr

    I find myself in the beginning of November with a slight problem.  I have a ton of candy and I am on a diet.  I asked around the office and I am not the only one.  Some of you might have tried to eat all of it and can’t bring yourself to do it.  Maybe your kids have separated out all the “good stuff.” Perhaps, not enough trick or treaters showed up.  Here are a couple ways to get rid of the candy.

    You could cook or bake with it.  Check out this 5 Yummy Recipes. Take it work.  I took a bunch of candy (mainly chocolate) and brought it to meetings.  People love free candy.  I was discussing what to do with Halloween Candy when people started telling me about Operation Gratitude.

    You can provide Halloween Candy for the Operation Gratitude Care Packages. The troops will love it–for themselves and also to give out to the children in the communities they patrol.  All types of candy are acceptable, including chocolate this time of year.

    You can also find dentists within your community who may be participating in a Halloween Candy Buy-Back program, or to encourage your own dentist to participate.

    Check with your child’s school, they might be collecting.  My kid’s school is.  If you are going to send the candy yourself, be sure and ship your candy  by December 5 to:

    Operation Gratitude/California Army National Guard
    17330 Victory Boulevard
    Van Nuys, CA 91406
    Attn: Charlie Othold

    Some tips about donating you candy according to Operation Gratitude:

    • Feel free to use any size cartons–whatever you have on hand or can easily find.
    • Please use the most economical method from your location.  You can check the websites of the various shippers (UPS, USPS, Fed-Ex, DHL) and get their respective prices based on weight and size of package.  Some of these outlets are allowed to offer discounts, as they are owned as franchises.
    • You might also check with local moving or freight companies–they might be willing to add your donation to their load for very little money (or for free) if they are heading this way anyway.

    Buck blogs almost daily at BuckDaddyBlog.com where he blogs about being a dad, sprinkled with some product reviews and giveaways, with humor and self deprecation.

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    The Gang’s All Hair! Grow A ‘Stache For Charity Cash!

    mo-of-honour-smlToday is November 1, and I just had a close shave.  No, I didn’t avoid an accident.  I actually had a close shave… with a razor and some shaving cream, and at least for my upper lip, that will be my last close shave this month.  November is “Movember,” with the “Mo” standing for “Moustache.” As a writer for Dad-O-Matic I have been interested in supporting a charity that is focused on Men’s health issues. I am pleased to say, “hair it is!” Movember can “help change the face of men’s health” by raising money for prostate and testicular cancer. This is one cause worth giving lip service to, especially if it means covering your lip with hair!

    What is Movember? It’s the laziest charity in the world! No walking, no running, you don’t even shave!

    Movember, the month formerly known as November, is a global charity event where men lose their facial hair inhibitions and commit to grow and groom a “Mo” (Aussie slang for moustache) for the entire month while building teams to support their Mo-growth efforts.  Much like the commitment to run or walk for charity, or uniting around a pink ribbon, now men have a hairy ribbon of their own to mobilize around and change the face (literally) of men’s health.

    The funds we raise during our Moustache journey go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the Lance Armstrong Foundation (LIVESTRONG).

    What many people don’t know is that 1 in 6 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetime and that testicular cancer is the most common cancer in men aged 18-35.

    While I am fortunate to say I have not had anyone experience prostate cancer in my family, my dad is a colon cancer survivor (as he likes to say, he is now a semi-colon).  All cancer is bad, and I encourage you to help me support this effort of fund-raising by hair-raising.

    I made a short video to introduce my Movember team, which I hope you will join.  You can contribute by donating, and you can also do “mo” by growing your own Mo!  If you send me pictures of you and your Mo (in it’s varying stages of growth) I will include your pictures in my video updates here on Dad-O-Matic.

    To join my Movember team called “Dad-O-Moustache” go to www.dad-o-moustache.com or www.dadomoustache.com to register and make a donation.

    Please help and get growing as part of my Movember team.  If you too decide to “grow a Mo” please email me update pictures of you and your growth along the way, and I will include YOU in my update posts during the month of Movember!

    Learn more about Movember by watching the mofficial Intro Video at http://us.movember.com

    Together we can change the face of men’s health!

    Prostate and Testicular Cancer Facts:

    • Prostate cancer is the most common non-skin cancer in men and it will strike one in six men in their lifetime
    • The death rate has fallen 40% compared to what was once projected; however the number of new cases is expected to grow with the aging of “baby boomers,” with the potential to reach 300,000 per year by 2015
    • More than 192,000 American men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2009.  More than 27,000 will die from the disease
    • Testicular cancer is the most common cancer afflicting men aged 18-35. The message is clear: more research is needed
    • Within the next decade, cancer is likely to replace heart disease as the leading cause of death in the US. It is already the biggest killer of those under the age of 85

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Trick or Trunk?

    Trick or Treat

    Times have certainly changed.  My wife and I struggle with how to give our kids the same kind of Halloween we experienced as kids.  The Halloween of our childhood has sadly passed us by.  Instead,  the mall offers trick or treating, we cart the kids around to relatives houses, and we keep some candy in the house.

    A church down the street from us has introduced a new way of trick or treating- they bring it to the church parking lot. Trick or trunk!

    Yup, you heard me right.  You bring your bags of candy, your kids, trick or treat bags and pop open your trunk.  Halloween in a parking lot.  The kids walk from car to car collecting candy from fellow parishioners.  If you ask me it’s a great way to give the Halloween experience to your children, spend some quality time with friends, and stay safe.

    What do you think of trick or trunk?  Do you do something similar on Halloween?

    Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by PumpkinWayne

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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    The Sony Reader: Black and White and Shades of Dorian Gray

    Reader Dorian Gray small

    “Words, words, words.”
    - William Shakespeare (HAMLET)

    I love words. I love to read and write. I was an English Major in college. Thus, as a word loving self proclaimed gadget geek it should be no surprise that I have been an eBook aficionado for nearly a decade. I started buying and reading eBooks on my Palm Pilots and continued to read them on my Palm Treo phones. Somewhere in the bowels of a closet, in my forgotten box of obsolete gadgets, there is an RCA Rocketbook, one of the first dedicated eBook readers. Although it pre-dated e-ink and our current wireless technology, the Rocketbook did not require a computer and allowed you to purchase and download books by connecting a phone line to its internal modem. Cool! I am also the owner of an Amazon Kindle2 and use it to read daily.

    All In The Family

    Given my own predisposition to love an eBook Reader and in keeping with the spirit of the Sony DigiDad Project, when Sony sent me their Reader Pocket Edition (on loan, Mr. FTC) I decided to enlist my 19 year old son Ethan as a “tester.” Of all my kids, Ethan is the one I am most likely to find with a book in his hand (and he happened to be around) so he got the job as the reader using the Reader. Sony provided two coupons to download a free book, so I asked Ethan to choose something he would like to read. Much to my surprise (and pleasure) out of the blue he chose the Oscar Wilde classic, “The Picture Of Dorian Gray.” Inspired by his book choice, we made a short video of the Sony Reader experience. More thoughts about the Reader are below the video.

    The Sony Reader

    As a device, we really liked the Sony Reader Pocket Edition. The form factor is really nice. Small, yet solid and functional. The screen resolution is terrific and the whiter background (as compared to the Kindle’s grayish hue) makes the e-ink words sharp, clear and easy to read. Navigation is simple and a dedicated “bookmark” button is a nice convenience.  Battery life is fantastic.  We have still only charged it once, when it first arrived.  As a simple, relatively inexpensive basic eBook reader the Sony Reader Pocket Edition is a great device.  It lacks some of the features of a higher end reader such as wireless access to books, more choices for font sizes, a keyboard for notes and annotating, etc.  However, Sony’s approach is to introduce a whole line of reader products, with the Pocket Edition being the entry level model.  Other models, including the Touch Edition and Daily Edition seem to include many of the add-ons and features that may be lacking in the Pocket Edition, but we have only had hands on experience with the Pocket Edition.

    What’s In Store?

    When it comes to getting books for your Sony Reader there is good and there is bad.  The good is that Sony has gone out of their way to make their Reader series of products compatible with the widest possible range of electronic books including multiple book stores, public libraries, and Google’s library of public domain works.  This open approach to content availability is great and the right approach.  The bad news is that the Sony Store itself, and the user experience of actually getting the book(s) you want onto the Reader leaves a LOT to be desired, especially if, like me, you have already been spoiled by Amazon’s outstanding store and purchasing experience with the Kindle.  Finding what you want and getting it onto your Reader can be a challenge, but once you have your books onboard, reading with the Reader is a great experience.

    Have you tried getting your kids to use an eBook reader (Sony or other)?  As parents, anything we can do to entice our kids to read more is a step in the right direction, and watching my son enjoy reading a classic such as Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture Of Dorian Gray” made this a picture perfect project for me.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    This post is part of series called the “Sony DigiDads Project” by Sony Electronics where a group of dads, including C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, have been given the opportunity to test and review Sony gear.  If you want to know more about this project visit the Sony Electronics Community.

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    How to Protect Yourself from Germs at Home and at Work

    fotosafari_water_293390_l

    Thanks to the pandemic spread of Swine Flu, we’re dealing with an especially scary flu season at home and at work. While we’re all familiar with the basics of how to reduce our risks of exposure to germs that lead to getting sick, there are still plenty of things we can do to help make our environments and ourselves more safe. Perhaps this information can help you develop battle plans to combat all of the germs that assault us at home and at the workplace.

    Soap and Water

    Let’s begin with the basics that we know about but few of us actually do correctly or even at all. The most important thing being washing our hands as often and as thoroughly as possible. According to the CDC, Hands should be scrubbed together with soap for at least 20 seconds (the CDC recommended minimum) under warm water (New studies show that cold water is just as affective as hot water so warm is fine). It sounds basic, but many people just rinse with water or wash their fingertips instead of the whole hand, which doesn’t get the l job done when it comes to removing germs. Here’s an excellent resource from the CDC called “Hand Hygiene Saves Lives” which includes video demonstration and tutorial material.

    Antibacterial Protection

    everystockphoto-1069742-l

    Dr. Charles Gerba, a microbiologist at the University of Arizona, counted bacteria on workplace surfaces for a study sponsored by The Clorox Co., makers of Clorox bleach. The results were shocking, to say the least. Office toilet seats had 49 germs per square inch, he found. But desktops had almost 21,000 germs per square inch. Phones were worse — more than 25,000 germs per square inch! Yes, you read that correctly. Our desks, computer keyboards, mice and phones are much dirtier than toilet seats!

    This should only emphasize the extreme importance of hand washing (for more than 20 seconds with warm soapy water) as well as using alcohol-based antibacterial solutions such as hand wipes and gels. While there have been some debate over the level of benefits of antibacterial soaps, there hasn’t been as much disagreement on the values of alcohol-based antibacterial solutions. The CDC recommends hand washing as primary method of prevention and alcohol-based antibacterial wipes and gels as a secondary solution when you can’t wash your hands for some reason.

    Quick tip: Another common mistake most of us make after washing our hands in a restroom is touching the door handle while exiting. Even those few that take the time to wash their hands for more than 20 seconds in warm soapy water recontaminate their hands by touching this highly infected area. The best thing to do is use a paper towel to open the door. Some workplaces are placing trash cans near the door for proper disposal of these paper towels.

    8-Hour Protection: The downside to washing hands and the antibacterial methods is that they only provide a few seconds worth of protection. The moment you touch something that is contaminated, then so are you. Well, there’s a new antibacterial solution that claims to provide 8 hours of protection against germs. One of the better known offerings is called SkinWear which states it is an FDA approved, safe and natural way to protect yourself for 8 hours against 99.9 % of germs.

    Note: Also, any employees whose job descriptions require them to touch other employee’s computer equipment such as members of IT, should also be required to use antibacterial wipes or gels before and after touching anyone’s equipment. The same goes for all other office equipment such as phones, typewriters, etc.

    water coolers vs water fountains

    water
    Another recent study conducted on the Food Network’s “Food Detectives”  revealed some shocking results involving common every day office fixtures such as the office water cooler and water fountains.While not as exhaustive as a clinical study, the tests they conducted revealed that the number of germs found on water coolers where were tremendously higher than the number found on public and private water fountains.

    One explanation involved the benefits of water fountain’s angel of trajectory which prevents germs from contaminating the spout. Conversely, the vertical alignment of the water cooler’s spout makes it susceptible to easy contamination by people’s hands and used cups and water bottles.

    So what’s the answer? Drinking from water fountains and refilling your bottle there? I’m afraid not as doing so would contaminate the water fountain spout the same way it does for the water cooler. Yes, washing your mug or water bottle and the spouts before each use would help matter greatly, but let’s face it, most people will not take the time or make the effort. So, perhaps its safest to just bring in your own bottle water and avoid refilling for everyone’s health sake.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=8668820

    Weapons of Choice Against Catching or Spreading Germs

    Here’s a simple checklist of what you can do in your fight against these microscopic enemies.

    1. Wash your hands as often as possible for at least 20 seconds in warm, soapy water
    2. If you can’t wash your hands then use alcohol-based antibacterial wipes or gels (Try to keep a portable container with you no matter where you, especially when traveling).
    3. Resist touching your eyes and mouth as much as possible throughout the day
    4. Never sneeze into the open air, even if you think you’re alone in an area. Sneeze into your arm if you do not have a tissue available.
    5. Stay home at least 24 hours after your fever breaks. Returning to work too soon can infect many other employees. The same is true for not taking a sick day early enough.

    image credit Tatiana Sapateiro, abananagrl77, Clearly Ambiguous

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    100 Faces of Fall: A CyberShot In The Arm

    3998978363_c5d80116db_bThey say a picture is worth a thousand words, yet as my task for this latest installment in the Sony DigiDad Project I am asked to write about a bunch of pictures.  Such is the life of a SonyDad.  They (who the heck are “they” anyway???) also say that the best camera is the camera you have with you, and thanks to the good folks at Sony Electronics, this summer the camera I had with me most of the time was either the stellar Sony A330 DSLR or the skinny Cybershot DSC-TX1.  (NOTE TO THE FTC: The cameras in my possession are on loan from Sony, to be returned.  My only compensation for participating in the Sony DigiDad Project is the wonderful memories I have captured digitally and the fun times I have shared with my kids and family playing with the various Sony equipment.) Here is an Animoto video of the photos my kids and I took over the summer and early fall with the Sony Cameras.  You can see the Flickr group of all the photos here.  I share more thoughts on the camera’s themselves below the video.

    The Candid On The Camera(s)DSLRA330Y

    The pictures above were taken by me and my children using both the A330 and the CyberShot.   I never used a Digital SLR before and I have really enjoyed using the Sony A330.  It takes beautiful pictures, easily and reliably in a variety of lighting conditions.  It feels great in my hands, and the professional air it carries (at least for a DSLR newbie like me) makes the experience of taking photos very enjoyable.  Controls are well placed and easy to use, and the LCD viewfinder folds out in different directions, giving you lots of flexibility for creative camera positions and angles.  It also cleverly has slots for both standard SD cards as well as Sony’s proprietary Memory Stick format, which is a big plus if you are upgrading from a non-Sony camera and already have an ample supply of SD cards.  The A330 is a camera I would love to own myself, and it is a great introduction to DSLR photography.

    A CyberShot In The Arm

    DSCTX1H_1 This sleek and slim camera is physically svelte and stylish, and for it’s small stature it is loaded with features.  The 10.2 MP still camera also shoots 720p HD video which is all quite impressive in such a small package.  However, the camera is so light and thin I found it difficult to hold steady at times, something that was more a problem for shooting video than still pictures.  The camera also boasts a beautiful and large 3 inch LCD touch screen display, which makes it very easy to change settings and modes at any time.  By far the most impressive (and cool) feature the camera has is the Panorama mode.  This allows you to seamlessly create ultra wide angle panorama views by simply moving the camera from left to right.  The CyberShot “automagically” digitally combines your movement into a single panoramic view (see below).  It takes a few times to get used to the motion in order to properly fill a complete panoramic shot, but once you get the hang of it the feature is very neat.

    DSC00098

    DSC00099

    DSC00070

    While I enjoyed playing with the CyberShot there were a few things that I found to be problematic with it.  For one, while the large touch screen LCD is beautiful indoors, I found it virtually unusable in bright sunlight, leaving me to be shooting “blind” for the most part when outside in the Florida sun.  I had to “point and shoot” without the benefit of really seeing what was in the frame, as the bright sun completely washed out the viewfinder.  I also found the zoom control to be too small for making a steady move without shaking the camera.  Lastly, the CyberShot has an unusual “Multi Connector Cable” which is used to both connect the camera to a PC or to a TV.  The “Multi Cable” has a proprietary connection to the camera at one end, and both a USB connection and Audio/Video connections at the other end.  Personally, as I doubt I would ever connect the camera direct to a TV I would much prefer being able to connect the CyberShot to a PC with a standard mini or micro USB cable.  Unfortunately, the only connection to the camera is the odd multi connector so you must use that cable, with all its tentacles, whether you need them or not.  All things considered, while it is slim and feature packed (I am only touching the surface of what it is capable of), from a pure “point and shoot” point of view, I found the thin feel and the inability to see the LCD in sunlight to be non-starters for me.

    Of course, it is not just the camera that makes the photographer, and I had a great time spending time taking pictures of and with my kids.  For that, I am glad Sony gave me a CyberShot in the arm to go out and do so!  How about you?  Was your summer full of digital photography?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    This post is part of series called the “Sony DigiDads Project” by Sony Electronics where a group of dads, including C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, have been given the opportunity to test and review Sony gear.  If you want to know more about this project visit the Sony Electronics Community.

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    Spaghetti Pie & Making Dinner Memorable For Your Kids

    Piece of spaghetti pie with tomatoes and eggsFood, glorious food!  To this day that is one of my favorite songs from the musical “OLIVER.” (Ok, that may be “too much information,” but bear with me, please…)  If you watched the video of my parents in a recent post here as part of the Sony DigiDad Project you may have gleaned that food plays a big role in my family’s DNA.  I grew up in a world where it always seemed we were thinking about and planning our next meal before we were finished eating the current one.  Breakfast conversation often led to “what are we doing for lunch?”  At lunch we discussed the menu for dinner… You get the idea.  I guess I should not be surprised that my oldest son is a chef.

    OPEN YOUR MOUTH, HERE COMES THE CHEW CHEW TRAIN….

    As parents, teaching our kids to eat healthy balanced meals is always a challenge and we have all come up with creative ways to get our kids to sit down and eat well.  Creative names for meals, anthropomorphic presentations of breakfast staples (think “Smiley Face” and “Mickey Mouse Ear” pancakes), whatever it takes.  I’d love to use this post and the Dad-O-Matic blog to collect your creative and unusual family friendly recipes, and tips and tricks to get your kids to eat hearty and have fun at the same time.  I will kick start this challenge with one of the more memorable dishes my mom made and one of my favorite childhood meals: Spaghetti Pie.  The name alone always brought a smile to my face and a confused look on my classmates’ faces when I told them what my mom was making for dinner.  For me, as a young boy who shopped in the “husky” section, to eat “dinner” served like a slice of pie was nothing short of the perfect meal!  Here is my mother’s recipe for Spaghetti Pie:

    SASSY SPAGHETTI PIE

    6 oz. spaghetti
    2 tablespoons butter or margarine
    1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
    2 well beaten eggs
    1 LB ground beef or bulk pork sausage
    1/2 cup chopped onion
    1/4 cup chopped green pepper
    8 oz can tomatoes cut up
    6 oz can tomato paste
    1 teaspoon sugar
    1 teaspoon dried oregano crushed
    1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
    1 cup cottage cheese or ricotta
    1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

    Cook spaghetti: drain (need 3/4 cups).   Stir butter or margarine into hot spaghetti.  Stir in Parmesan cheese and eggs.  Form spaghetti mixture into a crust in buttered 10 in. pie plate.

    In skillet, cook ground beef or Pork sausage, onion, & green pepper until tender and meat browned. Drain off excess fat. Stir in un-drained tomatoes, tomato paste, sugar, oregano and garlic salt.  Heat through.

    Spread cottage/ricotta cheese as bottom layer on the spaghetti crust. Fill pie with tomato mixture.  Bake uncovered, 350 degrees in oven for 20 minutes.  Sprinkle mozzarella on top. Bake 5 minutes longer. Then ENJOY!

    YOUR TURN

    Please share your own unusual, family friendly meal ideas and recipe’s in the comments, and of course, if you try making Spaghetti Pie, let me know how it turns out.  My mom will be thrilled!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Mario – Fotolia.com

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    Making Media on Vacation

    I shot a 5 and a half minute video of my family vacation at Disneyland in California, or rather, just a bit of the vacation. Here’s the clip:

    My thought when I did this was, “video should be fun, simple, and not exactly a complete capture of every moment of the vacation.” We had two solid days in Disneyland (honestly, I’m writing this from my hotel in Disney, so we’re still here), and I didn’t shoot every moment of it on video. I didn’t capture every breath the family took. That’s the difference. It’s nice to have some visual memories of the event, but do you really need every moment that takes place?

    No. We think we do, because we want to capture every moment, but that’s not really the whole point, is it? The point is to make memories, not perfectly capture them.

    What’s your take?

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    From BARBIE to BLACKBERRY!

    Barbie
    Image via Wikipedia

    (NOTE: The following article first appeared last September on my personal blog, Sassholes! It was this post about my daughter’s 17th birthday that led to Chris Brogan asking me if I’d like to contribute to Dad-O-Matic.  Ever since, I have been honored to share my thoughts and experiences with you here each and every week.  To commemorate a year of writing for Dad-O-Matic I’d like to share that “original” post with you.  I hope you have enjoyed reading my contributions to Dad-O-Matic as much as I have enjoyed writing them, and I look forward to continuing the conversation with you for another year and beyond. – Jeff Sass)

    (September 21, 2008)  Tomorrow is my daughter’s 17th birthday. As most parents know, buying “the right” gift for kids – especially teenage girls – is always a challenge. Get the wrong brand of over priced, over designed T-shirt (i.e. anything that’s not ED HARDY) and their mood shifts from happy to sad faster than their weekly allowance disappears off their Visabuxx debit card. I can remember the days when the biggest birthday challenge was to toil over which version Barbie Doll was “the one” that would bring eternal smiles to my little girl’s face. Those were the days when life was simple, and she refused to wear anything that wouldn’t “spin” when she twirled around – yes, dresses only from ages 4 – 9.

    ENTER THE MOBILE PHONE

    In truth, though it has been more costly than even Malibu Barbie with the Beach House and Corvette Convertible, the past four or five years selecting my daughter’s birthday gift has been a cinch. Every year for her birthday she wants a new phone. As someone who works in the Mobile industry, I often tout that for teens today the mobile phone is the center of their universe, and having three kids gives me the right to say that with the utmost confidence. So now birthdays are easy (albeit expensive.)

    The last two years it was the T-Mobile Sidekick, and then the Sidekick 2 that fit the birthday bill. So, as this annual ritual rolled around I assumed my daughter would be itching to upgrade to yet the latest version of her well worn temple of texting. With that in mind, you can imagine my surprise when she announced that the object of her desire, the dreamy device that kept her awake at night longing for the feel of it’s tiny keys sliding beneath her calloused and capable thumbs… was a BLACKBERRY CURVE! That was the phone she wanted. That was the phone she HAD to have (the RED one, of course.)

    BEAMING DOWN FROM THE ENTERPRISE

    Franky, I was honestly surprised. My daughter, whose connected life is so dependent on MySpace, Instant Messaging and Texting that she refuses to get a proper email address, now lusted after a phone that built its reputation on being the ultimate email device. She didn’t just want it, either – she REALLY wanted it. I know that RIM (Research In Motion, the Canadian juggernaut that created the Blackberry) has been aggressively trying to break out of their mold as an “enterprise only” device and crack the consumer ranks with crackberries like the lithe PEARL and the sultry CURVE. If my daughter is any indication, they have succeeded, big time.

    So Blackberry Curve it was. We visited the local T-MO store and made the swap, and my daughter is already completely enamored with her little red Curve-ette.

    She doesn’t miss her Sidekick and is already texting at speeds that would make Mavis Beacon the typing tutor proud. Below is a sample of her mad thumb typing skills on our way to buy the Blackberry. The geek in me is so proud!


    Mad Thumbtyping Skillz of a 17 yo Girl on 12seconds.tv

    How about you? Are mobile phones on your gift lists? How often do you get your kids a new phone, and at what ages? Let me know in the comments, and if you enjoy reading this, please subscribe to this blog by email or RSS.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    A Family Defined (In High Definition)

    DSC00025 webHeritage is a powerful word. In its truest sense it implies all the things we are made of and all the things that make us who we are. Family heritage is deeper than DNA, and thicker than blood. Our heritage is built upon people and personalities, characters and culture, history and hysteria, stories and legends, love and loss. Every one of us is a product of the generations that came before us. We are defined by our heritage. I believe this more than ever, after sitting my parents down in front of a video camera and letting them talk.

    Sometimes The Best Questions Are Left Unasked…

    As part of the Sony DigiDad Project I was given (on loan) a Sony Handicam HDR-XR500V High Definition digital camcorder and asked to create a “Heritage” video about my family.  I took the camera with me on a business trip to NY and stopped by my parent’s apartment to capture them on video.  Rather than “interview” them, I chose to simply turn the camera on and let them talk.  And talk they did…  I tried to distill an hour or so of recorded video into this 7 minute capsule.  I hope it accurately captures the remarkable relationship my parents have, as well as the things that clearly are at the root of of my being: Family, Food, and a good sense of Humor!  (More on the Sony equipment after the video).

    If you own  or have access to a video camera and have not taken the time to memorialize the stories of your own family members, I highly recommend that you do so soon.  I am grateful to Sony and Dadomatic for giving the inspiration to do so myself, as I am sure the images and stories I captured for this project will be cherished by my children, and their (yet to exist) children for many years to come.  I hope that the short excerpt below will also be entertaining and inspiring to you.

    Gadgets Have A Heritage Too

    It is fitting that the camera that prompted the recording of my parents is a Sony. The very first video “camcorder” I ever owned was one of the original Sony 8mm Handycams, purchased in 1986 for my wedding. I really wanted a video camera, so instead of hiring a videographer I spent our wedding video budget on my own camera, and I passed it along to my friends and guests to share the responsibility of recording the event. Yes, in 1986 I crowd-sourced my wedding video!  The much smaller, far more capable High Definition camcorder Sony loaned to me today is still a clear descendant of my old Sony wedding camera, and slipping my hand behind the grip strap and flipping open the LCD screen to a reassuring “beep” brought back many fond memories and I felt right at home playing documentarian at my parent’s home.  My “old” camcorder was in design, a smaller cousin to the professional broadcast camera and looked quite different (and arguably, “cooler”) than the compact and solid Handycams of today, yet the amazing technology packed into the new design more than compensates for the less than “professional” look.

    Image Is Everything

    The Sony HDR-XR500V is a beautiful piece of equipment.  It takes gorgeous, almost professional looking High Definition video, and it records it on a massive 120GB internal hard drive (up to 48 hours of video storage in HD mode  – and if I let them, my parents would have filled it all!).  There is also a slot for a Memory Stick, should you want to use removable storage.  I used the available lighting in my parent’s apartment, which was less than ideal, yet the images and colors are sharp, rich and stunning, making my Mom’s typical “NY Clutter” look quite charming.  Sound quality was also impressive, and while I used the internal mic, there is a jack for an external microphone, which is a must if you get into more serious video production.  Noise from the zoom was undetectable which was great.   Other notable features include a slick, touch screen interface on the flip out LCD, an integrated GPS for geo-tagging and mapping the locations of your videos, and a 12 megapixel still camera (used for the image of my parents above).  You can check out all the specs and features for the camera here.

    Rock Steady

    If I had to pick one feature that impressed me the most it would have to be the amazing Image Stabilization technology employed by the camera.  While there are a few imperfect camera moves in my “A Family Defined” video as I was getting accustomed to the feel and the zoom, generally I was blown away by how steady it looks.  I did not have a proper tripod available so all the shots are hand-held except one (the shot of my dad when he says his father was a prankster – prankster, not Gangsta!).  For that shot I was using a small Gorilla Pod that I had in my bag, but the HDR-XR500V proved to be too heavy to really use the bendable Gorilla Pod effectively.  For all the other shots, I was resting my elbow on a table, or holding my elbow steady with my left hand.

    I’ll Fix It In Post

    My primary complaint about the camera would be that the video files are saved in a format that is not ready for editing and have to be converted before they can be loaded into video editing software.  In keeping with the theme of the Sony DigiDad Project, I processed and edited the video (and wrote this post) on the Sony VAIO FW465J Notebook PC (also on loan) which limited me to using Windows Movie Maker for editing.

    I hope you enjoyed this post and the video of my parents.  While it is meaningful to me and my family, I hope you will still enjoy a short touch of Sass, and more importantly, that you will be inspired to capture your own family in High Definition!  I also encourage you to watch the other contributions to this series from the other participating Sony Dads.  If you missed your chance to celebrate Grandparents’ Day, you will especially enjoy “Grandfather’s & Grandsons” by my talented friend CC Chapman.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    This post is part of series called the “Sony DigiDads Project” by Sony Electronics where a group of dads, including C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, have been given the opportunity to test and review Sony gear.  If you want to know more about this project visit the Sony Electronics Community.

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    7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child

    Nature and nurture are in a never ending battle to claim the disposition of our children. While it’s true that the apple rarely tumbles too far from the tree, it is also true that there are a multitude of things we as parents can do to safeguard the childhoods of our children, limit their exposure to the more damaging elements the world will see fit to introduce in time, and do our best to raise a healthy and happy child.

    We might not be able to help the variety of our branches, but we are the ones who control the nutrients in their soil and the sunlight in their sky.

    In addition to the obvious things such as making sure your child is consuming the right nutrients, staying hydrated, and getting the quantity of sleep and exercise a growing body needs, here are 7 secrets that can help you raise a happy child.

    1. Let your child know you are excited to see them when they enter the room. Let them see the light dance inside your eyes when their gaze drifts into yours. Be mindful of their presence by showing them your smile and greeting them warmly. Say their name out loud. Not only do children love to hear the sound of their name, they also long to feel validation from their loved ones. Think about it from an adult perspective – wouldn’t you love it if the face of the person you loved most lit like a holiday parade every time you entered the room? Your child loves you the most, imagine the returns after a childhood filled with such affection.

    2. Teach your child it’s okay to be bored. As parents, it’s often our instinct to entertain our children each and every waking hour. When we don’t possess the time or energy, it is all too easy to allow the glowing blue babysitter in the living room to do the heavy lifting. But when we rely on television, or any other form of autopilot attention, we succeed only in limiting our child’s development. Children have vivid imaginations that flourish upon nurturing. But without the opportunity to coax their creativity, it will only whither on the vine. Allow your child idle minutes to develop their creativity with hands-on activities to stimulate their thought. A few sheets of paper and a box of crayons can keep a well rounded child busy for far longer than an episode of Dora.

    3. Limit your child’s media. Related, but not limited to number two. Limiting your child’s exposure to media isn’t only a positive move for promoting their creativity, it is an excellent method to broaden their attention span while grooming their ability to stay calm. Your child will have plenty of exposure to more than you want soon enough. During those precious years when you are the designer of their decisions, you must make sure they are learning to live a life independent from the over-exposure that is often too easy to rely on. Yes it is difficult, but we owe it to the next generation to search for the right road rather than the easy one.

    4. Let your child know they are more important than work by giving them eye contact and attention. Your child doesn’t just need you around, they need you present. Play with your child, interact with them, find out what is important to them by asking questions and listening to their answers. Your child deserves at least a little bit of you each and every day, at least a few minutes where you are not considering your email or allowing your thoughts to wander over what’s been left sitting on your desk. Letting your child know they are important is like giving them an insulin shot of happy.

    5. Let your child make a few of the rules. You don’t have to make them the boss to let them feel empowered. Often, power struggles with our children are the direct result of them feeling a loss of control. You can easily curb these instances by allowing your child to feel like they are part of making up some of the protocol. By at least appearing to give your child some of the control, you are helping them understand household law inside and out. This will lead directly to a willingness to follow.

    6. Teach your child – don’t assume it’s all happening outside the house. Home schooling is every parent’s job. Whether your child attends public or private school, or receives all their schooling at home, it is essential to the world’s best future that parents are the ones to fill in the blanks. There are plenty of skills not taught in school that play a massive role in determining who your children will grow up to be. Children are not raised in tupperware, and when they finally leave us to enter the world far away from our watchful eyes, they must have the sharpened tools that will help them be the best that they can be.

    7. Model appropriate behavior. In my opinion, this is the most important item on the list. Children do as they see, not as they’re told. If you want your child to be mindful of others, you must be mindful of others yourself. If you want your child to by happy, you must smile without hesitation. There is no one more influential to your child than you. At least for now.

    Raising a happy child is hard work, but it is something that can and must be done.  Once you focus on the needs of your child and ensure you are doing all you can to meet them, your efforts will be rewarded. You will have a healthy and happy child, fortunate to have been raised in a family where childhood wasn’t permitted to simply fade away.

    This list was originally written by Writer Dad as a post for Zen Habits, but has since been turned into a free mini e-book download by fellow Dad-O-Matic daddy, Blogger Dad, one small example of the work we do for clients every day at Ghostwriter Dad. Click here to download the book for free. Read, enjoy, and send it to a friend!

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    Family Secrets Don’t Have To Embarrass You!

    A Skeleton In The Closet

    What's In Your Closet?

    Everyone has family secrets…things that all the relatives know, but are better left unsaid outside the family circle. The worse family secrets are the ones we label as the “skeletons in the closet” – the things we truly dread anyone ever finding out about.

    No Bones About It…

    Not all family secrets are bad. In fact, if you believe that knowledge is power, then sharing a “secret” with your kids can be a special bonding experience and a great way to demonstrate your trust in them. Sharing special secrets with your kids can empower them with a sense of family, trust and belonging that nobody can take away from them. Plus, it is just plain fun to share something special only with your kids.

    A good secret to share with your kids can be as simple as trusting them with an alarm code, or the combination to a lock, or some other bit of important information, as long as it is clear that the “secret” is not to be shared with anyone… not even a best friend, girlfriend or boyfriend.

    Give Me A Hand(shake)

    My personal favorite family secret is that my kids and I have a secret handshake!  We created it more than 10 years ago, and to this day all three of my now young adult kids can whip through the motions whenever our hands connect.  It has been our special secret for all these years, and except for their mom, who insisted on being brought “into the fold” we have NEVER taught anyone our secret grip (which is complete with a top secret sequence of finger twists and an elaborate array of wrist wraps, and fist bumps.)  When we show it off to mere mortals, we move our fingers and hands so fast and with such practiced skill that nobody could ever repeat what they saw us do without our instruction.  It is an awesome handshake and it is guaranteed to make us smile whenever we use it.

    Do you have a secret handshake or other “secrets” you like to share with only your kids?  Without rattling the skeletons in the closet, feel free to share some of your family secrets with us in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    A Bravia New World: Turning “Movie Night” Into “Review Me” Night!

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    A new school supply, the AED

    Pencils? Check. Pens? Check.
    Notebooks? Check. Folders? Check.
    AEDs? Come again?

    An AED, an automatic external defibrillator, can make the difference between life and death on a school campus – indeed, anywhere.

    911 and CPR make for a "half-hearted" emergency plan. Get a defibrillator.

           911 and CPR (in isolation) make for a "half-hearted" emergency plan.        Get a defibrillator.

    Cardiac arrest happens when the heart’s electrical impulses suddenly misfire. The heart becomes unable to pump blood. Unconsciousness quickly follows and, without an electrical shock from a defibrillator within minutes, chances for resuscitation are grim. Only one victim in 20 typically survives.

    Calling 911 and administering CPR are the first two links in what the American Heart Association calls the “Chain of Survival.” Defibrillation (which mostly anyone can give) and advanced life support (from a trained rescuer) are the other two links.

    365,000 North Americans will die from sudden cardiac arrest this year; 7,000 of the SCA victims will be young. Six-year-old Emiliano was one of the lucky ones. His school had an AED when he went into cardiac arrest.

    An AED study published in the August 11, 2009 Circulation (a journal of the American Heart Association) found that at 1,710 U.S. high schools with AEDs on site, nearly two-thirds of cardiac arrest victims survived. That’s more than 12 times higher than the typical survival rate of only about 5 percent when cardiac arrest occurs outside of a hospital.

    For perspective, lead researcher Dr. Jonathan A. Drezner says cardiac arrest is the leading cause of death in young athletes. Of the 36 cardiac arrests in the high school study, 14 struck student athletes. Nine of them survived. Among the 22 adult occurrences, fourteen survived.

    Kaitlin Forbes survived too. She was running to first base when she fell.

    This child wasn’t as fortunate. No AED was present. He did not survive.

    Can I say that he would have definitely survived if there had been a defibrillator present? No, I can’t. It’s not that linear. But for $1,500 or so, and that were my child, I wouldn’t want to find out the hard way.

    My kids’ school has a defibrillator. Does yours? Ask them before the school year starts.

    You are welcome to email me for more information or fill in this form and say you found out about defibrillators on Dad-O-Matic.

    Other cardiac arrest statistics:

  • The American Heart Association 2005 guidelines recommend defibrillation within three minutes of cardiac arrest.1
  • The emergency medical team average response time is 6.6 minutes in mid-sized communities.2
  • The emergency medical team average response time is 9.0 minutes in “typical” communities.3
  • “For every minute without defibrillation, the odds of survival drop 7-10 percent. A sudden cardiac arrest victim who isn’t defibrillated within 8-10 minutes has virtually no chance of survival.”4

  • Joe Hage is the director of marketing communications for Cardiac Science, manufacturers of the Powerheart AED G3 defibrillator, so he has a vested interest in defibrillator sales. He encourages you to do your own research on defibrillation in schools. The most important thing is that you have a defibrillator (any brand), not necessarily his.

    1 AHA Guidelines 2005, Part 5: Electrical Therapies, IV-39
    2 Braun O, McCallion R, Fazackerley J. Characteristics of midsized urban EMS systems. Ann Emerg Med 1990 May;19(5):536-46
    3 Mosesso VN Jr, Davis EA, Auble TE, Paris PM, Yealy DM. Use of automated external defibrillators by police officers for treatment of out-of-hospital cardiac arrest. Ann Emerg Med. 1998;32:200-207.
    4 American Heart Association website
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    5 Legal Documents Every Dad Must Know About & How to Make Sure They Don’t Fail

    ***Featured on Good Morning America***
    Here’s the segment with Chris Cuomo & Alexis Neely
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    Becoming a dad is the ultimate step into adulthood.  It simply doesn’t get more real than that, does it?  That little face looking up at you makes you realize that life isn’t just about you anymore.  Suddenly, you are responsible for the well-being and care of a little person who is totally reliant on you.  And in some ways, this new “mini-you” that has come into the world makes you feel immortal.

    On the flip side though is the lurking thought “what will happen to mini-me if something happens?”  If you are like most people (69%), you push away the thought because it’s too scary to contemplate your child being raised by anyone besides you.

    But, here’s the thing … if you aren’t willing to take the time and invest the energy in setting things up for your little one (and her mom) the right way, you will leave your family with a world of hurt if something happens to you.

    The good news is that setting things up the right way and doing the right thing by your family doesn’t have to be as painful as you think it will be.  If you are in the know about what you need and how to get it taken care of, getting your personal affairs in order can even be downright enlightening.

    Let’s start with the bare minimum of what every dad needs to have in place to make life as easy for his kids and their mom if anything happens.

    Document Set #1: Kids Protection Plan
    baby feet Regardless of the size of your bank account, if you’ve got a child at home who depends on you, you need to have a comprehensive Kids Protection Plan® (KPP) in place to ensure her well-being and care in case you can’t be there.

    A KPP begins with naming legal guardians to raise your children if anything happens to you and their mother.  But, that’s just the beginning. A comprehensive KPP will also name local friends or family as guardians for the immediate/short-term care of your children so that the authorities never have to take your children out of your home and into the care of strangers.  With a KPP in place, you’ll carry an ID card in your wallet listing the names and addresses of your immediate/short-term guardians as well as provide written instructions to all of the people who care for your children, such as babysitters and schools.  Finally, a KPP will confidentially exclude anyone you know you would never want to serve as guardian of your children to ensure there are no court-room battles over your child’s care and will also provide detailed instructions about things like health care, education, discipline and your values, so your children are raised the way you want, no matter what.

    To get started with your Kids Protection Plan® by naming long-term guardians (which EVERY parent must do), go here and be guided through a process of first choosing the right people to raise your kids if you can’t and then easily document your choices … legally.

    Document Set #2: Financial Durable Power of Attorney

    A financial durable power of attorney is something every adult needs, even if you don’t have little kids at home.  This document is what will let your family access your bank accounts, pay your bills, and make financial and legal decisions for you if you are hospitalized or otherwise incapacitated.

    This story should bring home the importance of having a durable power of attorney in place:

    My law firm was contacted by a young woman after her father was hurt at his janitorial job, hospitalized and unable to communicate.  This man thought he didn’t need estate planning because his income was very low and he had less than $10,000 in the bank.

    Unfortunately though, his failure to plan left his family in a lurch. They needed the little bit of money he had in the bank, but couldn’t access it without going to Court because the account was in his name and he didn’t have a durable power of attorney naming anyone to act for him legally.

    The cost of going to Court was going to cost their family more than the money that was in the bank!
    Don’t leave your family in this kind of a painful situation unable to access the limited resources you have because you didn’t do what you need to do.  Be sure you have a financial durable power of attorney in place and make sure it’s comprehensive and will work when your family needs it.

    Document Set #3:  Health Care Directive (Living Will)

    A Health Care Directive (also known as a Living Will or Health Care Power of Attorney) is another document set that every adult needs, even if you don’t have little ones at home counting on you.

    These set of documents do two important things:

    1. Appoint the person you want to make health care decisions for you, if you cannot make them for yourself; and
    2. Tell your appointed decision-maker how you want those decisions to be made.

    Each state has its own rules for how these documents should be prepared.  In some cases, your instructions can be all in one document and in others they need to be two separate documents.  The most important thing is that you get something down in writing.

    And, once again, make sure you’ve got something that will really work when your family needs it.  I recommend giving broad discretion to someone you trust to make decisions about all of your health care decisions, including not only life-saving medical care, such as respiration, but continued nutrition and hydration in case you are incapacitated.  If you recall the Terry Schiavo case from several years ago, in which her husband and her parents fought over whether she should be kept alive or not and the case was brought all the way to the Florida Supreme Court, the issue was not whether to continue to keep her lungs pumping, but whether to continue to provide nutrition and hydration – be sure your medical directive addresses these issues.

    Document Set #4:  Will:
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    When it comes to estate planning, most people think of having a Will.  Unfortunately, having a Will often provides a false sense of security to people who think “I have a Will, therefore, I’ve taken care of everything.”  That’s a myth.
    In fact, your Will is the least important of the 5 legal documents every dad must know about.

    A Will sets forth what you want to happen to your assets at the time of your death.  But, here’s the thing, where there’s a Will and your assets are owned in your name, the Will merely acts as instructions to the Court as to what to do with your assets.
    That means your family is stuck dealing with the Court after you are gone.  Nobody wants that, trust me.

    The Court process for handling your assets after your death is called probate.  It’s typically expensive, time-consuming, and always totally public, which means anyone in town can find out how much you’ve left behind, who it went to and when they get it.  That puts your loved ones on the radar of every con artist in the neighborhood.
    A Will alone is really only appropriate for dad’s who have no (or very limited) assets titled in their name.  If you have assets, such as a home, bank accounts, life insurance, and retirement accounts, you need to have a Living Trust to keep everything out of court, totally private and make it super easy for your loved ones.
    You may have heard that if you only have life insurance and retirement accounts that you could simply name beneficiaries on those assets and avoid probate.  That’s true, but not going to work if you have minor children because they are too young to be the beneficiaries of your assets and would end up in Court with a guardian appointed to handle them.  Not what you want.

    Document Set #5:  Trust

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    If you have financial assets or real estate, you want to have a Living Trust.  A Living Trust is the single best way to make things as easy as possible for the people you love, bar none.

    But, and it’s a big BUT, most people who have a Living Trust in place have one that won’t work when their family needs it.
    It’s the same for each of these documents I’ve talked about; they are only going to work the way they were designed to work if the law stays the same and your life stays the same.

    As your life changes, the documents need to change.
    As the law changes, the documents need to change.

    And, for your Living Trust, it won’t work unless all of your assets are titled in the name of it, not just once, but every time you acquire an asset in the future.

    I’ve met with loads of people who thought they had everything taken care of because they had prepared these 5 documents or had them prepared by a lawyer, but because they had not been kept up to date or their assets were not owned properly, the documents didn’t work!

    In fact, that happened in my own family when my father in law died.  He had spent thousands of dollars to work with a lawyer who put in place a set of documents for him and then didn’t keep them up to date and didn’t make sure his assets were owned properly on an ongoing basis.  What that meant is at the end of his life, we were stuck dealing with the one thing he thought he was protecting us against – the probate court and a fight with his ex-wife.
    Even Michael Jackson, who no doubt spent hundreds of thousands of dollars with his lawyers, had a trust-based estate plan that he was probably told would keep his family out of court.  As we now know, it must have failed because his family has been dragged into court already multiple times since his death with everything open to the public.

    So, yes, these 5 documents are absolutely vital because they will make life as easy as possible for your family, keep your loved ones out of court and get them easy access to your assets in the midst of a crisis, but only if they are kept up to date and your assets are owned properly.

    Most people do not have the time, knowledge and discipline to do this for themselves the right way.  If you do, great.  But, who is going to guide your family to make the right decisions and carry things out the right way after you are gone?

    Because when all is said and done, that’s really what this about, isn’t?

    There’s nothing more important to you than your family.  They are why you do everything you do, right?  So, for them, find a lawyer who will guide you right during your lifetime and be there for your loved ones when you can’t be.  It’s far easier for you to take care of things now, while you are living and able than it will be for them to take care of things after you are gone.  Legal planning is not about the money; it’s about making life as easy as possible for the people you love … no matter what.

    Alexis Martin Neely is America’s Personal Family Lawyer, author of the bestselling book “Wear Clean Underwear! A Fast, Fun, Friendly – and Essential – Guide to Legal Planning for Busy Parents” and the nation’s leading legal expert guiding you to smart financial and legal decisions for your family. Subscribe to Alexis’ free online magazine, Family Wealth Secrets, and have wealth advice delivered right to your inbox each week.

    Special Update!

    In honor of the Dad-o-Matic article and her appearance on Good Morning America, Alexis has convinced her publisher to give her vital book on legal planning for parents (Wear Clean Underwear, Morgan James Publishing 2008) away on Kindle for just .99.  Get your copy today right here.

    Here’s a bonus treat from the author of this piece.

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    Scrapbooking, not just for little old ladies

    I’ve always thought of scrapbooking as an old ladies activity.  You know, they spend their hours squirreling away old photos along side strips of cloth, kids drawings, and hand written notes.  The books often end up on coffee tables or sitting on a shelf gathering dust.  This weekend made me realize that’s not the whole truth.

    My brother has ALS, my uncle has terminal cancer, and no one getting any younger or healthier, that’s really what brought it home for me.  Visiting with them this weekend, I had the opportunity to sit and chat with said uncle and his wife, my favorite aunt.  They invited me to check out a scrapbook their son had made.  Not just any scrapbook, but one focused around me, my sister, and my brother.

    Cousin Connie has put together a scrapbook of photos covering mostly the early years of our lives. There are pictures there from newborn till teens.  Black and white photos sit alongside Kodachrome shots.  You won’t find in this book odds trips of cloth though, or cryptic personal notes, the book is about us.

    The why of the book is more important though.  Connie didn’t prepare this book for us, my siblings and I, it was prepared for the future family.  That’s right. It’s not about those of us who lived it, it’s for those that come after.

    Connie has a barely two year old daughter, my brother has three young children, and I already have grandchildren. The scrapbook, it’s for them.  It’s not for friends today, but for future friends. It’s going to tell our story, or bits of it anyway, in the simplest form, pictures.

    The great thing is you can create these same mementos yourself.  You don’t even have to take a scrapbooking class. You can start today.  I’m going to give you a shopping list and a plan.

    Let’s go shopping

    • scrap book – not a photo album – but one with white or black pages  - 1 or more
    • scissors – 1 pair
    • glue – several tubes
    • paper – regular blank paper – several sheets
    • pens – various colors – black works though – choose to taste
    • photos – lots, many, a zillion

    Now with those things in hand comes the hard part – choosing.  Your goal isn’t to stuff every photo you’ve ever taken into a book. This isn’t going to be a an album.

    You are going to curate the past. Your audience isn’t current friends and family. Remember, this is for the future.

    The pictures you choose will tell a story about the people in the photos.  As you cull through the stack of photos, don’t think even about a timeline, think about a story you want to tell about that person.

    • who are/were they? doctor, athlete, musician?
    • where were they? Asia, Europe, Hoboken?
    • what did they love? music, dance, art?
    • did they have a life work? healing, crafting, adventure?

    In Connie’s book, I’m show in the Philippines, California, and finally Missouri. I’m shown as a child hooked on family, and who enjoyed a variety of places to live. It shows me with friends not all white, but Philippine and Mexican and Asian. The photos though don’t cover every waking moment, nor every event.  It’s Connie’s perspective on my child hood, what he found important to pass on.  It will be a legacy our families’ future generations.

    New viewpoint in hand, I wonder where to start my own scrapbooks.  I wonder what stories I’ll tell for my grandchildren to enjoy.

    Todd ‘tojosan’ Jordan is a father of two and grandfather to three. He’s been a father for 25 years and counting, and still learning what that means.  He can be found on Twitter, and on his own blog, The Broad Brush.

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    Creating A “No Phone” Zone

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    Sony’s DigiDad Project… Cool Gadgets, No Baloney!

    WebFor as long as I can remember, Sony has been a premiere consumer electronics brand.  I can clearly remember getting my hands on the original, ground-breaking “Sony Walkman” personal cassette player.  I can remember my first “color TV’ being a 13″ Sony Trinitron, because my grandfather insisted it would last forever… and it practically did.  In recent years I have not really kept up with Sony’s products, though I’ve been well aware that they touch a wide range of cool consumer electronics, from computers to cameras to game consoles and more.  If you’ve followed my activities here or here, you probably know that in addition to being a proud dad, I am a longstanding, self-proclaimed gadget geek.  With that in mind, I am very excited to be participating in Sony’s DigiDad Project.  Here is a short introductory video as well as some more information below the video.  Please take a few moments to check it out, and follow me here on Dad-O-Matic for future installments of the Sony DigiDad Project:

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    Although I am happy to have the chance to play with all these slick Sony products, my goal will be to let them inspire me to share with you some fun “digital” projects you can enjoy with your family using your own digital toys of choice, and in the process let you know my thoughts about the specific Sony products I get my hands on.

    NOTES ON A NOTEBOOK

    The first “Dadget” I received is the gorgeous VAIO Series FW notebook PC, which I used to record and edit the above video.   This is a LARGE notebook with a stunning, extra wide 16.4″ display, yet it is remarkably thin and lightweight for its size.  It is MUCH lighter and thinner than my current 13″ screen laptop.  With a Blu-Ray Disc drive (including HDMI output) I look forward to both watching a movie on this baby, and to seeing how it works Sony+Logo+whiteconnected to a flat panel TV.  The media controls are many, and well positioned, and the roomy, chicklet style keyboard takes a little getting used to, but soon feels right at home.  With it’s size, power, and full multimedia capabilities, I could easily see this notebook replacing a home desktop PC, with the added flexibility of being able to easily move it around the house.

    In addition to my own DigiDad exploits, I encourage you to check out contributions from the other participating dads, which will also introduce you to some other great “Dad” blogs and “Daddy” Bloggers.  You can find them below.  You can also read more about the Sony DigiDad Project here.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    This post is part of series called the “Sony DigiDads Project” by Sony Electronics where a group of dads, including C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, have been given the opportunity to test and review Sony gear.  If you want to know more about this project visit the Sony Electronics Community.

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    Making Miracles: A Quick Guide to Shaping Your Kid's Reality

    I was sick and I didn’t want to get up. In fact, all I wanted was a little love and a lot of sleep. But the love wasn’t coming. Mary had been self-raised in the school of, “I don’t believe in being sick, so I don’t get sick”. To her, my fever was a choice – one she was not going to support.

    During the course of our two-year relationship, I think I got sick once more. I was in the best health of my life. Being with Mary was phenomenal for my well-being because, with her, sickness was always a choice and the decision was easy.


    My son Miles and I are in deep rapport. While he doesn’t believe everything I say to him, he believes most things. And when he believes something, he believes it ALL the way.

    That’s why when I hear myself say something like, “sugar is no good for you” I flinch. While I know my intention is to communicate a necessary truth and help him understand why he’s not allowed to have that second lollipop, language is powerful and and I loathe creating cracks into which disease can slip.

    If he believes that a lollipop can make him sick, on a deeper level, he believes he can get sick and my inner Mary does not approve of that one little bit.

    In the nubile minds of our children, we’re all witch doctors capable of true magic. What spells are you casting?

    I’m an avid behavioral downloader, please share the best spells you’ve cast so I can put them in my grimoire and use them with my son.

    Cheers!

    Devon White is a professional neurohacker and the lead developer of the Human Operating System. He is passionate about helping parents protect their children’s innate curiosity, ensuring that they grow into happy, healthy, passion- and purpose-filled adults. He resides in Nyack, NY with his son, Miles.

    You can read Devon’s regular posts at his blog.

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    5 Tips For Back To School Basics!

    back to schoolYes, I am writing yet another “5 Tips” post. This is unintentionally becoming a series (coming soon: “5 Posts About 5 Tips….”) but let’s face it, “5 Tips” are at least half the work of a “Top 10″ list, and almost as satisfying. So, without any further fatherly preamble, here are my…

    5 Tips For Back To School Basics:

    1) NEW Backpack and Lunchbox - Sure some kids want new clothes for the new school year, and some schools (even public schools these days) have dress codes and required uniforms that may cause you to need some new threads for your kid. That said, the thing that will make them really feel like they are “starting fresh” (which I think is a good thing) is a spanking new backpack and lunchbox. Kids of all ages carry lots of books and gear, and their backpacks take a beating between foul weather and the occasional foul play, being tossed, dragged and dropped along the school yard. A new backpack is a simple, reasonably priced way to give your child something “new” and functional for the starting school year. As for the lunchbox, why make your studious kid have to sniff the odorous memories of last semester’s lunches? Don’t make them use a tuna tainted, peanut butter battered, stained and stenched lunchbox again. Be a sport and spring for a new one.

    2) Rehearse The Route – If your child takes a bus to school, make sure you know where the bus stop is and visit it before the first day of school so both you and your son or daughter are familiar with it. If a “bus pass” is required, make sure you have received it, and if you haven’t, make sure your schedule is clear to drive to school on day one in case the bus driver is not cooperative (I have experienced this one first hand – no pass, no bus). If you drive your child to school, and are starting at a new school, do a test run before the first day of school to find out where the “parent drop off” lanes are, and which is the proper entrance. On day one, leave EARLY to allow for lots of traffic and confusion. There will be more driving drop-offs the first week of school than the rest of the year. (See “no pass, no bus” above.)

    3) Be Alarmed – Don’t wait until the night before the first day of school to once again start setting the alarm for an “early” wake-up. If you and your kids have been “sleeping in” for the summer, start easing back into your new wake up schedule at least a few days or a week before school begins. Re-establish your school time rise and shine (and breakfast) routines in advance of D-day to ease the shock of a new schedule.

    4) Get Supplies Early – If at all possible (and to retain as much of your sanity as possible) try to purchase essential school supplies BEFORE the mad rush after day one. In many cases, you can guess the basic requirements, or refer to last year’s list. In addition, most schools now post the class supply lists on their websites, and often local retailers such as supermarkets (Publix where I live), Wal-Mart, and Office Depot will often post the class supply lists for local schools in their stores.

    5) Set A Goal For The Semester – Start the school year with an objective. Discuss it with your child and together agree on at least one “big idea” goal for the new school year. It might be to get that math grade up a notch from last year, or it might be to try out for a team, or band, or some other extra curricular activity, or it might be to do better at completing homework assignments before dinner. It doesn’t matter what the goal is. What is more important is starting off the semester with an objective in mind, and something you can look back at together and say, “awesome, you accomplished that, just like we said you would!” And with that in mind, make sure the goal is challenging, but attainable. Getting “straight A’s” may be desirable, but not necessarily realistic for your child. You know your kids. As much as I would have liked to say my son is an A student, I was just as proud of him when he broke out of his “C’s” to become a solid B student. Success is in achieving the stated goal, not the goal itself.

    There you have it – 5 tips to hopefully help you get the new school year off to a good start. As always, I am writing this as much as a reminder to myself as to you. Do you agree with these? What tips would you add. Please share your thoughts in the the comments and help me turn these 5 tips into a Top 10 list!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Andres Rodriguez – Fotolia.com

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    What Do You Want – The Most Important Question When Brainwashing Your Children

    Remember Patty Hearst? She was a socialite heiress, captured by the Symbionese Liberation Army, and rapidly brainwashed into becoming a bank robber. What was rarely, if ever, mentioned, is that the techniques used to affect that radical transformation began with her captors establishing themselves in parental roles.

    The most important question any of us can ask ourselves is this: Who are we brainwashing our children to become? Because whether you’re doing it on purpose or not, you’re doing it.

    So…what do you want for your kids?

    Devon White is a professional neurohacker and the lead developer of the Human Operating System. He coaches highly successful achievers who can’t afford to not be ‘at their best’. He is passionate about raising well-formed children, ensuring that the light of curiosity and wonder is not snuffed from their lives by adulthood. He resides in Nyack, NY with his son, Miles.

    You can read Devon’s regular posts at his blog.

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    5 Tips On Fatherhood Your Dad Never Told You

    Counting Hands from one to five isolated over white

    It is possible your Dad didn’t explicitly tell you these things when you became a parent, but he probably demonstrated at least some of them to you in actions if not words when you were growing up.  Please allow me to take the liberty to point them out to you more directly now.  In fact, it is my Dad-O-Matic duty to do so!  Disclaimer: Though I try to be the best Dad I can, I am guilty of not always remembering and adhering to my own advice, so this post is as much a reminder for me as it may be for you!

    5 Tips on Fatherhood Your Dad Never Told You:

    1) Listen.  Despite our dominant position of authority as “the parent,” it is NOT always about us.  Stop and LISTEN to your kids once in a while.  I often catch myself taking over the conversation, so I am trying to make a more conscious attempt to let THEM do the talking for a change.  Regardless of the subject matter, if it is important enough for them to want to tell you, it is important enough for us to be interested.  Whether they are telling you about the frog they stepped on, their favorite flavor of chewing gum or describing an elaborate classroom math equation you will never understand, listen and be INTERESTED.  Our kids crave and value our interest in their lives and activities far more than we realize.

    2) Share.  Share your adult life with your kids.  Times are tough and we are all working really hard to make ends meet and provide for our families.  If you work a lot and spend a lot of time on your job, share it with your kids.  Tell them what you are doing at work and why.  Tell them what you like about your job and what you don’t.  Bring your work to kids day is a good idea.

    3) Be Ridiculous.  You can NEVER embarrass yourself in front of your kids.  Anything silly you do will be enjoyed and remembered by your kids.  The sillier the better.  Inhibitions are not an excuse.  If you cower at the thought of Karaoke, you should be proud to sing off key for your kids (and do so often).  If you are a polished fashionable type you should be daring and dress in mismatched rags once in a while to make your kids smile.  Shopping with your kids?  Startle them and talk in complete gibberish to the cashier (and wink knowingly to your kids) as the cashier looks at you as a crazy person and calls for their manager (then, laugh with your kids and of course pay for the goods).  These are some of the moments your kids will remember forever, so as long as nobody can get hurt, if you have a secret urge to be “wild and crazy,” go for it!

    4) Teach.  Anything and everything.  Anything you do, if your kids are present, it is an opportunity to teach them.  If you are fixing a light-switch (or engaged in any other household chore) if they come by don’t send them away as if they are a bother because “daddy is busy.”  Instead, take a moment and show them what you are doing.  An annoying chore like fixing a switch can turn into a quick and fun lesson on electricity.

    5) Say “I LOVE YOU” – a lot! These three words are invincible.  They are tougher than Teflon or Titanium, stronger than Stainless Steel and more durable than a Diamond.  The words “I LOVE YOU” can never be worn down or overused.  Plus, they are as satisfying and rewarding to say as to hear, and the more you say it, the more you will hear it.  The “L” word is awesome, but don’t just say it, MEAN IT!

    What do you think?  What things would you like to add to this list?  Let’s grow this list together in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © philipus – Fotolia.com

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    Five Tips for Phenomenal Photos of Your Kids

    Let me begin by saying I am not Ansel Adams. Most of what I know about photography came from an introductory class I took in college. However, that class was part of a bachelor’s degree in the fine arts, which gave me me an extensive knowledge of graphic design. Of course, an in-depth familiarity of all your camera’s bells and whistles can take your photos to a whole new level. But if you understand a little bit about design, you can make great photographs.

    You don’t have to be employed by Sports Illustrated in order to get great shots of your kids. I believe that every regular Dad has the ability to create some memorable gems using a regular old point-and-shoot camera. These five simple tips will help your photos go from boring to breathtaking.

    1) Kill The Flash
    flash_exampleIf you only open your camera’s instruction manual one time, may it be to learn how to turn off the automatic flash. It’s evil. Sure, it’s useful for dark environments, like birthday parties and spelunking adventures, but it will absolutely ruin a Kodak moment of your toddler playing with blocks while the late afternoon sunlight softly cascades down on her.

    Flash has no doubt ruined billions of photos by washing out all the pure light and color while creating a fake shadow around the subject. Turn that puppy off and you’ll immediately start to see your photos take on a more natural, appealing look.

    One caveat to keep in mind: the less natural light there is, the better chance of your photo turning out blurry due to camera shake. You can improve your odds by bracing your elbow against something in order to keep things steady. You could also buy an inexpensive tripod as well. I like this one.

    2) Obey the Rule of Thirds
    rule_of_thirdsThis handy design guideline is the ticket to photos that are way more visually interesting and energetic. In the words of all-knowing Wikipedia:

    The rule states that an image should be imagined as divided into nine equal parts by two equally-spaced horizontal lines and two equally-spaced vertical lines, and that important compositional elements should be placed along these lines or their intersections.

    Of course, the natural tendency of most human beings with a digital camera is to plop the subject right in the middle of the frame, creating a snoozefest of epic proportions. This is not deer hunting and your camera is not a gun; you’re not trying to capture your subject in the cross-hairs. Use the rule of thirds and start looking like a pro.

    3) Get Up Close and Personal
    lucy_closeupI’ve seen way too many photos in which the people end up looking like miniature plastic figures in a diorama. Now if the gang is standing in front of the Grand Canyon, I can see the logic. But if the primary subject is the people, let us see the PEOPLE, not random tree branches and an acre of dead grass!

    Don’t stand two counties away; physically get closer to your subject. Getting close enough to capture all of your kid’s freckles makes for a more engaging portrait; we don’t always have to see what color socks he’s wearing. Don’t be afraid to crop off the very top of your child’s head or — gasp! — only shoot part of his face. Sometimes these little abstract interpretations end up being the coolest photos.

    4) Shoot More
    great_shotPhotographing kids is like photographing wildlife. You have to take lots and lots and LOTS of pictures because you never know when the perfect shot will present itself. Even the pros shoot way more photos than they need. They know that the best way to get the perfect shot is to have lots of shots to choose from. That’s the beauty of digital cameras — you don’t have to invest hundreds of dollars in film and processing. Buy the biggest memory card you can afford and shoot like there’s no tomorrow. You can always delete the ones that don’t turn out, but the chances are better that you’ll capture an all-time classic.

    5) Forget the Face
    feet_closeupWe human beings are naturally attracted to faces; we’ve been that way since we were babies. It’s probably the reason we see way more photos of people’s heads than their knees. I get it. But mix things up once in awhile and get some snaps of something different. A close up of “bed head,” for example. Or your newborn’s tiny little foot. Perhaps your little girl’s dancing shadow on the sidewalk. Or maybe a shot of sticky hands holding a quickly melting popsicle. You get the idea.

    Now get out there and start creating your own wall of fame!

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    A “Spoof” Is Not Always Funny: Teaching Kids The POWER of Technology

    who is callingOur children are growing up in an amazing, incredible, awe inspiring age.  It is easy to take for granted the phenomenal, science fiction-esque, fantasy world they (and we) now live in.  A world where they can instantly communicate with any of their family or friends anywhere on the planet, any time they want, for pennies, from a device they carry with them in their pockets.  A world where any imaginable bit of information – history, science, art, quotations, directions, explanations, spelling, grammar, even Grandma, is literally just a few keystrokes and an internet connection away.  Despite the many daily reminders of harsh times and worries over the economy, the climate, the wars and civil unrest, and countless other bits of “life” that vie for both our attention and our depression, we truly are blessed to live in a golden age of technology.  An age where real technology has lived up to the imagination and creativity of the dreamers and visionaries of our past.  What would Jules Verne think if he were alive today to see so many of his fantasies of fiction actually in widespread practical use?

    THE TROUBLE WITH TECHNOLOGY

    All this awesome technology also can come with tremendous responsibility, and as my own kids follow in the footsteps of my rabid gadget geekiness, one of my real challenges as a parent is to instill in them an understanding of the POWER of the technology they often do take for granted.  The tools we have today are so capable and so easy to use and have such broad reach that it is simpler than ever to “take something too far” and, even unintentionally, do something bad.  As parents, more than ever we have to work on instilling a sense of what is right, and what is good and proper behavior because the technology our kids have easy access to can take bad behavior and put it on steroids!  Case in point: Phone Spoofing.

    WHO YA GONNA CALL???

    As someone in the mobile entertainment business, I have custom ringtones and images on my phone for everyone who calls me regularly.  When my phone went off with the ringtone I have set for my girlfriend, and her number and picture appeared on my phone’s screen, I answered with a “term of endearment” reserved for just her.  Instead of her sweet voice, on the other end of the line I heard giggling and one of my sons’ voice attempting a high-pitched impersonation of her.  You see, my sons have iPhones and just discovered “Jail-breaking.”  While Jail-breaking gave them access to some welcome capabilities on their older iPhones such as video recording, it also gave them access to a pretty sophisticated “phone spoofing” app that lets them place a call as if it is coming from virtually any other phone number.  I laughed when they revealed themselves as my girlfriend, and again when they called my father from my mother’s cell phone.  Then I paused the laughter when I realized how easy it would be to seriously abuse such a capability.  I sat my sons down and rattled off ways this “spoofing” thing could get them into REAL trouble.  In my family we are pranksters at heart, so I didn’t go so far as to force them to delete it, but I did strongly caution them to be very, very thoughtful and careful in how, when and on whom they use the “spoof” app.  I am hoping the novelty of it will wear off very quickly.

    What do you think?  Would you allow your kids to keep the spoofing application?  Have you had other challenges with warning your kids about the power of technology?  What other technologies do you fear can be easily abused by your kids and/or get them into trouble unintentionally?  Please share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments.  Oh, and if your kids do have the spoofing app, make sure it really is your significant other on the line before you go all lovey dovey on them!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © julien tromeur – Fotolia.com

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    Words Can Hurt

    Shifting Perspectives 2008

    My wife and I are preparing our oldest son for kindergarten.  This is a huge step for him.  Our oldest has Down syndrome and we decided to hold him back a year in preschool.  Now, however, he is ready for kindergarten.  While I am excited about the new things my son will be exposed to I am also worried about some of the negative things that might occur.  My biggest fear is that he will be called a retard.

    Yup, I said it. Retard.  Probably one of the meanest words you can say, yet people use it all the time.  “This computer is acting retarded.” You know you’ve heard it.  You may have even said it yourself.  You heard Napolean Dynomite use the word retard.  And that’s the trouble with the word.  It’s part of our lexicon.

    As fathers we can help stop its use.  Our children look up to us and model our behavior.  We can choose other words that are less hurtful.  Most importantly we can take retard out of our vocabulary and make the world a tiny bit better for children like my son.

    Are you willing to help?

    Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by Phototropism

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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    “Funky Wig Man Loves Olivia!”

    IloveOlivia

    Traditions in a family are really important in creating a history that bonds and binds.  Having family traditions leads to having family stories that are told and re-told over the years, recalling memories and emotions that can often only be fully appreciated by the members of the family who have participated in the “tradition” first hand.  That said, a “tradition” does not have to be a big deal or big event.  In my mind, a family tradition is just something that recurs, and that the participants are aware of when and how it should occur.  This could be an annual gathering, a holiday meal, or, in the case of my family, something as simple as a silly song.

    REPETITION BREEDS TRADITION

    I am not exactly sure how it began, but when we first moved to our current neighborhood years ago, we began to frequent a nearby Nursery to pick up plants and flowers for our home.  The jungle-like outdoor store had an odd but friendly proprietor who looked and acted like he had been out in the sun way too long (physically and mentally) and who wore a truly awful toupee that was so poorly flopped onto his head that you could clearly see the wig-like seam of fabric separating his scalp from the faux hair.  Hence, his secret nickname to us became “funky wig man,” which, needless to say, the kids got a kick out of hearing us say.

    FUNKY WIG MAN LOVES OLIVIA

    Funky Wig Man clearly took a fancy to my young daughter, Olivia, and every time we visited his place to look at the plants and flowers he would come over and dote on her, calling her by name, giving her a little flower he would reach over and pluck from nearby.  Olivia, who was probably 7 at the time, would get all shy and embarrassed by this attention.  In the car one day, after leaving the nursery, her older brothers started singing an impromptu song with quite simple lyrics: “Funky wig man, loves Olivia… Funky wig man, loves Olivia… Funky wig man — ” You get the idea.  Olivia would turn red in the face and start screaming “STOP!” which would just encourage the boys to continue, louder and longer.  Thinking it was “cute,” mom and I would often chime in as well, singing along until Olivia’s aggravation turned to an odd mix of laughter and tears, and the entire family cracked up laughing (Olivia included.)  This song quickly became a family tradition as every time we drove past that particular Nursery, the entire car would instantly break out into song, “Funky Wig Man, loves Olivia” and she would do her part and scream back “STOP” as we all burst out into laughter.

    THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

    The other day I was in the car with Olivia, who is now about to turn 18, and we drove past that very Nursery.  I looked at my daughter and she instantly knew what was coming.  She ceremoniously held her hands over her ears as I began to sing… “Funky Wig Man, loves Olivia… Funky Wig Man, loves Olivia…”  We both laughed… “remember when we used to do that?” and for the moment we both paused to cherish a family tradition and the warm memories that came with it.  I know I can never drive by that spot without smiling.

    How about you?  What are the family traditions that make you smile?  I am particularly interested in the little ones, like this simple song.  Please share your stories in the comments!  Is there a Funky Wig Man in your life?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Jose Gil – Fotolia.com

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    Top Ten Things Divorced Dads Need to Know

    It seems like a new celebrity father gets divorced every week. Recent divorced dads include Jon Gosselin, Robin Williams, Usher, Mel Gibson, Bradley Whitford, Edward Furlong, and Thomas Jane — and those are just the famous ones. Roughly half of all American marriages end in divorce and some studies suggest 60% of those splits involve children.

    But while there’s abundant advice directing divorced fathers to avoid “screwing up” the kids, 2009-07-23-dads.jpgthere’s little out there to help dads appreciate the big parenting opportunity — yes, opportunity — before them.

    Below are, IMHO, the ten most important things divorced fathers should realize as they transition parentally from “Husband and Father” to “One-and-Only Dad”:

    1) You divorced your ex, not your kids

    Many divorced dads disconnect from their kids when they separate from their ex-wives, but the divorce can actually be an opportunity to re-connect with your children — this time on your own terms.

    2) The only parenting expectations worth a damn are your own

    Divorce freed you from not only your ex-wife’s expectations, but those of your parents, her parents, Dr. Phil, and all those dads you see talking joyously about fatherhood on television. You’re the expert when it comes to your kids. Create your own expectations and standards.

    3) There’s no such thing as a part-time dad

    You’re either a dad or you’re not. Many divorced dads spend more time with their kids than fathers in intact families. But no matter how much time you spend with your children, if you commit to it regularly and responsibly, you’re a dad. Period. Exclamation point.

    4) You are not a babysitter

    There’s no need to constantly take your children on expensive adventures, shower them with gifts, or keep them perpetually entertained, as if filling a perceived hole in their happiness. They are just as happy to simply be with you as you are to be with them.

    5) Your children have two homes…and two sets of rules

    Your kids don’t “visit” you; they live with you. They have one home with Mom and another with Dad. And if they can adapt themselves to different rules between home and school, they can do the same between home and home. The phrase “But Mom lets us” carries no weight in your home.

    6) You have an “inner dad”

    There’s an “inner dad” inside you. He’s the one who tells you when it’s OK to let your son stay up late, when it’s appropriate to be interrupted on the phone by a whining daughter, and whether a tense situation calls for stern rules or just an all-out, no-shoes family wrestling match. You’ll get to know that inner dad gradually, moment by moment, and in the process become a more genuine dad — the best kind of dad you can be.

    7) Most kids can cope

    Divorce doesn’t necessarily mean therapy time for your kids. Studies show that many children cope well with divorce, especially if there’s joint custody and the kids are encouraged to openly express their feelings and fears. When I got divorced, a quick internet search told me I was ruining both my and my children’s lives. But it didn’t go down like that — in fact, I now feel like a better dad than I’ve ever been and I’ve stopped treating Google like my conscience.

    8) You can do what you like

    Too many moms and dads feel martyrdom is a necessary part of the parenting process. Find those things that you and your children honestly enjoy together — going to the movies, having cart-races at Kmart, bowling, or impulsively getting pizza in the mid-afternoon. Your children love nothing more than watching you enjoy yourself with them. And it’s way more fun than standing on the playground sidelines checking your Blackberry, isn’t it?

    9) Your issues with the ex don’t belong in your kids’ lives

    Like the corn and mashed potatoes on your first-grader’s plate, your parenting should be separated from any conflicts you have with your ex. Children need to know their parents’ love is unconditional and impenetrable, even and especially in the face of something as potentially devastating as divorce.

    10) You’ll screw up…and that’s okay.

    Making mistakes is as fundamental in parenting as making dinner. Own up to them — your kids will learn that they can too.

    Joel Schwartzberg is a father of three, an award-winning essayist, and author of the first-of-its kind collection of personal essays from the perspective of a divorced father, “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad

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    5 Tips For A Successful Summer Camp Visiting Day!

    "Tips" button (green)One of the worst memories of my childhood was during one of my first summers at Sleep Away camp.  (NOTE: I know, I must have had a darn good childhood if the following story is one of my worst memories… I did!) I must have been 9 or 10 years old.  It was visiting day weekend and I had enjoyed spending some quality time with my parents.  To minimize the onslaught of camp wide homesickness, parents were asked to quietly leave during Sunday lunch, while us kids were distracted with food and getting back to our normal camp routines.  I had resigned myself to this and had said my good-byes before we lined up by bunk outside the cafeteria.  My parents, however, sort of broke the rules and while I was eating they worked their way around the cafeteria building and found the window right beside my table.  As I was about to bite into my food there was a rapping on the window.  I looked up and there were my parents, smiling and waving at me goofily.  My mom blew me some kisses, they mouthed the words “good-bye” and then walked away down the road…  To say they gave me an instant lump in my throat is beyond an understatement.  I had a ROCK in my throat that appeared like magic, choking me as I choked back the tears, my cheeks turning instantly rosy with an uncomfortable swell of heated emotion.  I excused myself from the table, ran to the bathroom and bawled like a baby…

    HOT FUN IN THE SUMMERTIME…

    I seem to recall this story every summer, and certainly whenever I want to guilt trip my parents for emotional abuse as a child. Despite the pain of the moment, I managed to survive the rest of the summer at Sleep Away, and many more summers thereafter, as both a camper and eventually, a counselor.  As we are in the thick of camp season now, with my firsthand experience with homesickness, and my years of tenure at camp, I thought I would share some suggestions as how to ensure a successful Summer Camp Visiting Day visit.  I tried to follow these as best I could when visiting my own kids at camp when they were younger:

    1. Observe, don’t lead – this is the time to let your kid shine.  Let them take the lead and show you how things work at camp.  Let them relish in the limelight of a life that is “theirs” during the summer, and not one where every move is dictated by you.

    2. Bring Goodie Bags – share the love and bring a small, goody bag-like gift for each of the kids in your child’s bunk.  They will love it, and they will heap praise upon your child for having the cool parents.  It will also help ease the awkwardness for the one kid in the bunk who’s parents did not come to visiting day (and there always seems to be at least one kid in that sad boat…)

    3. Lavish Your Child With His/Her Stuff Privately – if you show up with lots of stuff for your kid, like a new baseball glove or iPod or other toys/games/gadgets, give them to your child privately and not in front of the other kids in the bunk.  Not everyone is in the same position and not all parents take the same approach to gifts (for both economic and philosophical reasons) and you don’t want to put your kid in an awkward position as the object of envy amongst his/her summer roommates.

    4. Follow the rules - while you may think it is cool to do things your way, camps have rules for a reason, and if you break the rules (by smuggling in contraband items, by sneaking your kid out of camp for a spell, by slipping some cash to the counselor, etc.) you may be unwittingly putting undue stress on your child, who has just become accustomed to the new environment and new “house rules,” and who doesn’t necessarily want to be the “bad” kid (or the kid with the bad parents)  in the eyes of the camp.

    5. Give your kid a proper good-bye! – of course, give your kid a proper hug and kiss good-bye, and do your best not to give them an unwelcome lump in the throat!

    Summer Camp can be a wonderful, formative experience, and despite that dreadful departure day, I have extremely fond memories of my camping years that I really do cherish.  What do you think?  How have your “visiting day” experiences been, both as a camper and as a parent?   Do you agree with the 5 tips above?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © WebButtonsInc – Fotolia.com

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    The Weird Thing About the Grass on the Other Side

    illustration by Jason Kotecki

    Sometimes I long for the days B.L.

    Before Lucy.

    Lucy is my seven-month-old daughter and first child. As an entrepreneur, I mistakenly thought my life resembled a roller coaster before this adventure into fatherhood. I realize now that I was only riding the wimpy kiddie coaster — the one without the big drops, corkscrews, and urges to vomit.

    Looking back, I enjoyed a lot more freedom then. I had way more time to myself, and I could come and go as I pleased. My wife Kim and I could watch more than one hour of a movie before slipping into comas. I didn’t have to deal with dirty diapers, some of which I’ve dubbed “Evil Mash.” (You know the ones I’m talking about.) Traveling was a lot easier. Taking naps or going to the bookstore when I felt like it was, too. And I didn’t have to concern myself with trying to figure out (and prevent) all 8,745 ways an infant can hurt herself.

    However.

    Like my dad says, “The grass may look greener on the other side, but it still has to be cut.”

    Kim and I were married for eight years before we got pregnant, and we were actively shooting for a kid during the latter few. I remember wondering if we were destined to be childless, and dreamed for the day when someone would call me Dad. (Weird strangers and well-meaning friends didn’t count.)

    If a time machine whisked me back to the days B.L., I’d no doubt yearn for fatherhood, and everything that comes with it. The easy smiles that appear when I walk into the room. The fuzzy, sweet-smelling head. The cute little toes. Afternoons spent on the swings. Bath time. And the feeling that, at least in the eyes of one little person, I am Superman.

    No matter what stage of life you’re in, perspective is the key. Childhood was cool, what with the freedom from mortgage payments and the playing all day. But the whole going to school thing and not being able to drive was a real drag, wasn’t it? Everything has its pros and cons, and the choice on which to focus is yours and yours alone. It’s pretty simple, really. A seven-month-old might even understand it: Focusing on the pros makes you happy, while concentrating on the cons makes you sad. Easy to understand, easy to forget.

    So, after careful consideration, I’ve come to an important conclusion: B.L. may have been easier, but A.L. is better.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    July 7 was Father Daughter Take a Walk Together Day

    My neice, my daughter, and me go for a walk in Nashville

    My niece, my daughter, and me go for a walk in Nashville a year ago

    I am always on the look out for stupid holidays. When I was younger, before kids, this was a reason to drink. Not that I need a reason but I digress. Now I look for these “holidays” as a reason to have fun with my daughter.   July 7  according to TWiP was  Father Daughter Take a Walk Together Day.

    I propose that you don’t need a special day to do that.  I say you take your kid our for a walk just you and them once a week.  I am trying to do that with our daughter.  I try to set aside some time just Daddy and Danni time.

    Last night, we went to baseball game.  The great thing about our ball park here in Memphis is that it had a playground and a little track that you could walk around the park on.

    So take your kid out for a walk and have some fun.  Here are some pics of me, my daughter, and my niece walking around during the baseball game on July 7.

  • My niece, my daughter and I walking around the stadium on July 7My niece, my daughter and I walking around the stadium on July 7
  • I let go of her of hand for one second and it was running and not walking time
  • I let go of her of hand for one second and it was running and not walking time
  • After our walk we got to stop and pose for pics with the mascot

    After our walk we got to stop and pose for pics with the mascot

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    Protective Wear For Fun In The Sun!

    cool sunIt’s summertime!  (Duh!)  For many families that means it is time for lots of “Rays and Zees” spending time outdoors with activities and relaxing in the sun.  For all of us that also means thinking about protection from those burning rays, and for parents it is yet one more thing for us to worry about.  Are our kids getting too much sun?  Are they wearing enough sunscreen (or any at all?)  If we do put sunscreen on our kids, what is the right SPF?  15? 30? 45? 60?  Is a sunblock cream enough?  What about hats, and other protective clothing?

    From A Mother’s Concern To A Family Business

    Almost 10 years ago a then co-worker of mine told me about the web-based business she was starting “on the side” with her husband Ryan.  Jen Clement was a high energy and persistent sales professional.  She was also the mother of three young kids, and living in the “Sunshine State” of Florida, she was particularly concerned about how much sun they were getting, and the potential ill effects of too much fun in the sun.  She began to research sun friendly bathing suits and other clothing that had built in sun protection.  As many of the ray blocking innovations and inspirations came from the sun drenched continent of Australia, Jen was inspired herself to create the Solaroo line of sun-protective UV blocking clothing, and working directly with leading manufacturers, Jen was among the first on-line retailers to offer a wide range of Sun Friendly children’s clothing to the U.S. market.  Thus www.SunFriendlyProducts.com was born.  It wasn’t long before Jen’s “side” business was thriving enough to become a full-time family business for both her and her husband, and today Sun Friendly Products is widely recognized as a leading on-line store for reliable, high-quality, UV protective clothing and products for the whole family.

    Here are some tips from SunFriendlyProducts.com for enjoying the sun safely:

    1) Limit Time in the Midday Sun – the sun’s rays are strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

    2) Apply Sun Block before going outside. Most sun blocks take about 20 minutes to be absorbed and become effective. Make sure that you apply a “broad spectrum” sunscreen with a Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of at least 15 and reapply every 2 hours when working or playing outdoors. Even waterproof sunscreen can come off when you towel dry, sweat or spend time in the water.

    3) Wear a Hat. A hat with a wide brim offers good sun protection for the eyes, ears, face, and the back of the neck – areas particularly sensitive to the sun.

    4) Cover Up. Wear UV rated clothing or other tightly woven, full-length clothing.

    5) Wear Good Sun Glasses. Check the label when buying sunglasses. Sunglasses that provide 99-100% UVA and UVB protection will greatly reduce sun exposure that can lead to cataracts or other eye damage.

    6) Seek Shade. Look to play in shaded areas of the park or the backyard. Just because one is outside does not mean that they have to be in direct sunlight.

    7) Have Fun.

    As a friend, I am very proud of Jen and Ryan, and I admire them for their hardwork and dedication and the successful business they have built around Sun Friendly Products.  I am writing this article without their knowledge, but their love and concern for their own kids, and their passion for helping other parents make smart, “Sun Friendly” decisions, gives me complete confidence to introduce SunFriendlyProducts.com to you.

    How about you?  Are you thinking about protection as you enjoy your fun in the sun this summer?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Dawn Hudson – Fotolia.com

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    Spare the Sponge, Spoil the Child

     

    I have a seven year old with learning disabilities. She’s a cute kid, and I love her tons, but she has a small problem that challenges me on a daily basis: She’s mentally a five year old with the reach and appetite of a seven year old.

    Case in point, I have sugar cubes I like to add to my tea. No matter where I store them, she’ll invariably find them and eat them—every single one. At this point, I may never drink tea again. It’s quite difficult to get out the ladder and climb to the eaves where I’m currently hiding them.

    Yesterday, she was on the prowl for some cookies my wife had picked up. When I told my girl that not only had I hid the cookies, but that she couldn’t have them until after dinner, I was met with a classic tempersulktrum. First her spine seemed to liquefy as her body collapsed in upon itself while she simultaneously threw her arms upwards. Then they came down in a masterfully timed descent with the crumpling of her legs. Before hitting the floor she sprung back up while wailing, then repeated the process a few times. It was quite the spectacle.

    Spare the Sponge, Spoil the ChildI usually send her to her room and tell her she can come back when she’s ready to behave. This time, however, I was struck with a sudden idea. Grabbing a discarded candy bag, I told her it represented her stomach. Then I took a sponge and told her it represented a cookie. (Ew! A sponge‽) Then I put the sponge inside the bag and asked her if there was any room left in the bag. When she saw there was none, I told her that’s why we want her to eat dinner first—so there’d be room in her stomach for it. The light went on in her eyes and I knew I had won a decisive battle.

    I personally know a handful of ladies who can sew up fluffy, colorful, cloth stomachs with insert-able, stuffed snack and dinner dolls faster than I can scratch my armpit, but lacking said skills I did the best I could. Even after some thought, however, I couldn’t come up with a better visual aid. Using real cookies and dinner in a ziplock baggie would look disgusting. For the time being this was one tempersulktrum I managed to simply blot up with a sponge.

    How do you teach your children to not snitch treats before dinner? Please share your tips.

    Douglas Cootey is a married, full time dad raising four girls in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah who has long ago overcome his aversion to the color Pink. Douglas blogs about overcoming AD/HD & Depression with humor & pluck over at the award winning A Splintered Mind. He also co-produces a podcast with his 17 year old daughter. The random thoughts of his addled mind can be found at DouglasCootey and SplinteredMind over on Twitter.

    Photo credit: Look What I Found

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    It Takes The Cake!

    3666217199_9b9904395d_oThere is one thing that every child has, no matter how young or how old they are — A BIRTHDAY! Celebrating your kid’s birthday is always special and often a special challenge for us parents. After all, we want to create a memorable, age appropriate celebration and we want it to be fun and full of surprises. In a previous Dad-O-Matic article I wrote about how a trip to the local Dollar Store can make goodie bags obsolete. In this post I want to focus on something a bit sweeter: the birthday cake!

    HOW SWEET IT IS!

    Serving a “birthday cake,” complete with candles and the singing of “Happy Birthday To You,” is a powerful tradition and something that is expected at literally every birthday party. With so much attention focused on this culinary crescendo why settle for a simple 7 Layer Cake, when you can have a baked birthday bonanza worthy of an art gallery? It is amazing what a creative baker can do with some sharp knives and a palate of colorful frosting. You can easily brighten your birthday celebration with a scrumptious sculpture of edible art! What cake creation would make your kid’s party extra special? You can see some neat ideas here, and clearly, almost anything is possible. Creative cake baking doesn’t have to cost a fortune either – I bought the “Hamburger Heaven” cake pictured above for my son’s recent birthday at a local Publix Supermarket, for less than $20. Zach is a chef and I wanted to get a cake that had something to do with cooking or food. The hamburger cake (with ladyfinger fries) was a big hit, and hit the spot after a great birthday dinner.

    How about you? Have you ever tried celebrating with unusual birthday cakes? Share your ideas and experiences (and links to pictures) in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Passing something on

    wrap and soup

    Lots of parents worry about their legacy. The legacy they leave through their children is often the way we worry about it most. Gone are the days many adults worry if they’ll be remembered as famous for something, but all but a few parents don’t want to be known as a good father or mother.

    The legacy we pass down through our wee ones is often still haughty. We want for them to be doctors, lawyers, or millionaire moguls. Some of us want them to be actors or writers, and a handful, well, we’d settle for street musician. Oddly enough, none of those is about character or what kind of person that child grows up to be.

    It’d be nice if we could do something to guarantee our sons and daughters would go up and be on the straight and narrow. Even better if they’d lead the world to peace. Most of our children though will end up contributing on a much more intimate level with friends and family. So let’s give them an appreciation and interest that’s immediately sharable and doesn’t require a fortune to nurture.

    Let’s teach our kids to be foodies. Yes, foodies. It’s a term some of you haven’t heard. It’s someone that actually enjoys food. All of us eat to live, but a select few of us learn to appreciate food beyond sustenance. It gives us a chance to take real joy at even the most odd dish served.

    Being a foodie isn’t about being the biggest eater, the one that finds the most exotic thing to eat, or spending the most. A good foodie is one that enjoys the variety of things they eat, from the textures, to the seasonings and the scents. It’s about finding something special in every dish. Sometimes that bit of special might be the history of the dish, the chef that created it, or yes, the rare ingredient.

    Foodies don’t just fall from the tree, they have to be nurtured. The best way to grow your own foodie children is turning food from drudgery into fun. Kids in the kitchen is a big plus, but there’s more. It can be indulged at every meal.

    Here’s some suggestions:

    • Let kids explore how to eat each food. Let them eat broccoli spears with their fingers, pizza with chopsticks, and more.
    • Get them to explore tastes. Throw some unusual things on their plates at an early age. Tomatoes, asparagus, and oatmeal to start with. These are staples here in the states. Beyond that, introduce plantains, avocado, and hominy.
    • Eat on the floor. Not off the floor, but try sitting on pillows on the floor, and spread out small tables to eat off, or the coffee table. Make it an adventure
    • Picnics. Yep, blanket, basket, easy foods. Put those together with a little patch of grass and some sun and you’ve got a great experience.
    • Eat with friends. Take every opportunity to have your children eat with other children and with adults as well. Don’t limit these interactions to just formal events or informal ones. Variety and exposure are key.
    • Eat with strangers. Take the family out to eat. It doesn’t have to be exotic, fancy, or expensive, but getting them used to eating in groups of unfamiliar folks helps break down barriers. For best experiences, go to a restaurant where they don’t speak your native tongue and the menu isn’t in your tongue either. Help the children explore ordering.

    It’s not about what foods you get them to eat each time, but expanding their ability to enjoy food in all circumstances. This may seem like a trivial and unimportant skill, but across the world, few things work to break down barriers as well as breaking bread together. True peace is rarely brokered in brightly lit staterooms in crowds but often over a drink and a bite to eat.

    Understanding the food of a culture or area helps us to understand the people. It aids us in finding something interesting and even fun about those strangers, bridging the gap.

    As they say at Joe’s Crab Shack, peace, love and crabs.

    Todd R Jordan is a father of two boys and grandfather of three girls. His personal blogs are The Broad Brush and Folding Paper, as well as a contributor here and at Remarkable Parents. Find him on Twitter.

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    Daddies Little Girl Goes To Prom

    This morning I was browsing Facebook and saw that my youngest daughter had posted pictures of her High School Prom. This is a new experience for me, both my daughters live in the UK and when I was in High School we didn’t have proms – they being a strictly American experience.

    Both my daughters and I stay in touch a lot through email and sites like Facebook, they have friended me and I feel privileged to be given access to their “private” lives through the images and posts that they share. Seeing the pictures made me realize how grown my youngest daughter is now. Of course like many parents I have both of my daughters fixed at around 8 years old, the time they stopped seeing me as the greatest guy in the world.

    Going through the 117 pictures that she posted, from the limo ride to the venue, to the meal, to the dancing afterward was like experiencing the event as though I were an invited guest. For American parents I am sure the sight of all the alcohol would be a shocking and troubling vision, but the attitude toward drinking and the legal age is different in the UK. The amount of out of focus pictures as the evening wore on perhaps said more about it than the actual content.

    The real lesson for me in looking through these pictures was just how responsible they all were. Yes of course there was celebration, yes there was drinking but, as evidenced by the great email I got from her this morning, there was no harm done. The values that I had hoped to instill in my daughters are displayed on a regular basis.

    I was once asked about being the Father of two teenage daughters, who were 17 & 15 at the time, the young man asked me wasn’t I worried that because I wasn’t there to check on them daily that they could be doing all kinds of things. I replied that if they hadn’t learned the lessons that I was trying to teach them by that age it was unlikely they were going to suddenly learn them.

    What Facebook pictures and the emails, along with the summer visits show me is that, while worrying is a natural activity for all Fathers about their daughters, trusting that they were actually listening to you at times is a better activity.

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    Drinking With Your Children

    pair of moving wine glasses over a white background, cheers!

    The waiter poured the glass of wine for my son and we raised our glasses to toast…   Despite my instinctive fatherly discomfort and concerns, it was a ritual we could not avoid. After all, we were celebrating his 21st birthday…

    IT’S MORE THAN I CAN BEER…

    Yesterday, my son Zach turned 21. It is nerve wracking enough to have three kids of driving age. Now I also have one kid of drinking and driving age. CORRECTION: There is NO appropriate “drinking and driving age…” I should have said “now I also have one kid of both drinking age and driving age.” Ahh, the antics of semantics… It should be more easy to speak easy about such things…

    Speaking of Speakeasy’s, it seems that here in the United States of Puritanical Past and Politically Correct Present, we have had an awkward love/hate relationship with alcohol since the days of Prohibition. Were I raising my kids in Europe, I would likely have been serving a dinner glass of wine to my children when they were far younger than 21, and nobody would bat an eye, including them. Even I, growing up in New York State, was able to legally booze it up at age 18. Now our kids must wait until they are 21, and though I’d be a fool to think they didn’t, especially at college, indulge a bit before becoming of legal age, the official “wait” perhaps creates an artificial desire to binge on their birthday. With that in mind, in the months approaching Zach’s coming of (legal) age, I have repeatedly reminded him (ask him and he will say I perpetually pestered him) of the dangers of binge drinking, and of the many kids who have literally died of alcohol poisoning on their 21st birthdays by partaking in an ill conceived “21 at 21” drinking ritual. I hammered this message home to Zach well beyond the point of being the annoying dad (yeah, I was “that” guy) but I felt it was more important than maintaining my “cool dad” persona. Knowing that Zach would be celebrating with friends after our wine wielding family dinner, I was assured and given complete confidence that Zach’s girlfriend Amanda was responsibly anointed the dry and designated driver for the evening.

    THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS BEER ITSELF…

    Sometimes it seems that parenthood is an endless journey of letting go. As much as we want to, we cannot control our children’s lives. From the moment we let them out the door to go to school, or ride their bikes, or play in the backyard or neighborhood park we have to accept that ultimately, they have to be responsible for their actions, big and small. We have to let go a little bit more every step along the way and (sometimes painfully) come to grips with the fact that things can and will happen to them when we are not by their side, holding their hands, and ready to protect them from the big bad world around us. They will skin their knees, and break their arms and have their hearts broken and bust up their cars. They will have successes and failures, they will do wonderful things and make blaring mistakes. They are, like us, human, and must thus face all that is fabulous and all our collective foibles. We can guide and teach and set examples, but in the end, they have to pick up the reigns and steer their own lives in the right direction. It would be easy to spend all my waking hours worrying about my kids driving, worrying about my kids drinking, worrying about my kids drinking and driving, or their friends doing the same. However that wouldn’t be healthy for me or them. Rather, I have to let go once again, and trust as we pass another parenting benchmark, that we have done our best to give our kids the knowledge, tools and wherewithal to make smart and safe decisions.

    Turning 21 is an incredible milestone, for Zach, and for his parents. We couldn’t be more proud of him and the wonderful young man (a legal adult!) he has become. I look forward to responsibly (and legally) enjoying more cheers and beers with him!

    How about you? Do you have kids of drinking age? If so, how do you feel about raising a glass with them? It is a new phase for me, so I would welcome your thoughts in the comments. Cheers!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Mikko Pitkänen – Fotolia.com

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    I am a rock star!

    This Old Guitar

    My wife and I work somewhat separate schedules.  I work a typical 9-5 schedule while she works part time at a hospital.  That means I spend some time watching our three boys by myself.  When the kids get all spun up and I start to get frustrated we need to find something to calm us all down.  How do I manage to keep three restless children (all under six) from driving me nuts?  I play the guitar.

    I am horrible at playing the guitar.  I only know three or four chords.  I have an eclectic repertoire that doesn’t suite itself for children.  But when the going gets tough out comes my axe and we all sing The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald, I’ve Got Friends In Low Places, or Crying.  The boys absolutely love it!

    Research has shown music has a positive effect on children.  Why deny them something so much fun and entertaining?

    Even better than calming my herd is the look on their faces as I strum and sing and they dance and smile. Am I ready for American Idol? Hardly. Do I deserve Daddy of the Year? Unlikely.  Am I happy I can calm the savage beasts and give them an appreciation of music? You bet!

    What tactics do you use to help quiet or calm your children?

    Photo credit: Originally uploaded to Flickr by _RobertC_

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.

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    Giving And Receiving On Father’s Day!

    Dads rosette isolatedAs a dad myself, Father’s Day is always a double whammy – I get to honor my own dad, and all he has meant to me, and I get to be honored by my own kids and take some special time with them to reflect on what it means to be a father.  We learn so much, and are influenced so much by our parents, yet I don’t think we realize how truly and deeply entwined we are until we become parents ourselves.  As a dad, especially as my kids have grown older, I see my father in myself in so many things I do.  More surprisingly, I am not alone in this discovery and apparently my kids see it too.  ”Dad, you are just like Grandpa” has lately been a fairly common comment from my kids to me.  I consider it a compliment!

    ANYTHING FURTHER FATHER?

    There are countless things I cherish about my own childhood and the role my dad has played in my life, and countless more things I cherish about my children and my role as their father.  I am so proud of my three children, who are now wonderful young adults and good citizens.  Their accomplishments roll up to their parents, and in turn, that sense of pride and accomplishment rolls up to my parents, and their pride in me and my children rolls up to all they learned from their parents, etc., etc…  It is a wonderful cycle that is often too easy to take for granted and lose sight of.  We are both the influenced and the influencers.  We are the sons and the fathers.

    THE SON ALSO RISES

    To every dad out there, today is a special day for us to look forward and look backwards, to give and to receive, to acknowledge and be acknowledged.  Accept the special love and praise of your children with pride as you most certainly deserve it.  And give your dad the love and praise he deserves for helping to shape the wonderful dad in you.  Happy Father’s Day!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Warren Millar – Fotolia.com

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    A Technique To Quell Crying

    Getting Distracted

    Earlier tonight, I set out to write a blog here for Dad-O-Matic with a suggestion for how to handle a crying child and found myself writing about distractions in the context of life. Ironic how that happened, being distracted by my own inspiration to write! Anyway, upon finishing that up and posting on my own blog, I promptly came back to write about my original topic: using distractions with our children to help them to stop crying.

    The Situation

    Photo of Sam UpsetBeing a parent we are often confronted with a situation where our child is crying and there just seems no way to get them to stop. This can happen at bedtime, lunchtime, when you are out running errands, or anytime that is just inconvenient for us parents. It’s a true test of parental patience. Some parents are very patient with their children, while others don’t even have a fuse to burn for 2 seconds!

    The way it usually starts is the child wants something they can’t have, like candy or toys. Or they want to do something they can’t do, like stay up at bedtime or run up and down the store isle shrieking at the top of their lungs. Sometimes the crying is due to sheer exhaustion, depending on the child’s age. These are familiar situations for most parents. And it’s not that anyone’s child is truly unruly or badly behaved. There are various reasons for defiant or rebellious types of behavior that causes children to cry uncontrollably. The most common I have found with my own children are that they are just testing me to see what they can get away with or they simply want more attention.  

    Our Reactions

    I’m not a psychology expert, nor did I study child behavior. But as a parent, I can guarantee you I have become an expert at raising my children. My children are a blessing for having taught me so much about human conditioning. As men it can be easy to gravitate to aggressive means for control, especially those with higher levels of testosterone. Some men have been raised to believe, through their own childhood experience, that force is the way to gain control. And the images we see in movies and on TV certainly glamorize that type of behavior, even though we know it is wrong. When things don’t go the way we want, we can get upset. This may be more true for men than women, as women tend to be nurturers. However, when your nerves are shot because your child won’t stop crying, emotions can take over that are not constructive for either gender. You want it to end, but you have no solution. And all the books and articles you’ve read on child rearing somehow don’t answer your specific situation. When you step outside of your own conditioning you can learn a lot about what you are experiencing.  

    Finding Solutions

    Fortunately I was also blessed with ample patience. My dad was extremely patient. He was careful and enjoyed paying attention to small details. I learned a great deal about patience through watching him. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my own moments of frustration. But when I stop thinking about me and what I want, to turn my focus on what my child wants I have found myself to be even more patient than I am under normal circumstances. This can be a difficult thing for anyone to do, especially when there is such urgency felt to solve the child’s problem immediately so they will stop screaming and crying. It’s easy to lose control of your own thoughts and switch to some sort of survival mode. But if you have reached that place in life where you place others ahead of you, because it pleases you to do so, then it is easy to learn to focus on your child.

    We are a society of “instant gratification needs“. When our children scream and cry, we want it to stop immediatley, especially when the cause is not related to being hurt in some fashion. It’s hard to find anything more aggrevating than a child screaming because of something as simple as not getting a piece of candy. And it’s easy to reprimand and lay down the law with our brow wrinkled and force in our voice saying “because I said so, that’s why“. But it really can be the least effective method, only creating more disharmony with your child. So how can you get your child to stop screaming and crying quickly? Distract them.

    Distraction Works

    With our third child Sam, we had a hard time with him at bedtime. There were many nights where he would just cry and cry and cry before finally falling asleep. When he was a baby I would hold him until he fell alseep. But as he got to be a toddler, this became more difficult. So, I would lay down next to him to appease him, but sometimes even that didn’t help.

    Photo of Sam HappyOne night when he was about two years old, while laying with him as he was crying, I just started talking to him and asked him some questiions about how his day went. I asked him to remember a couple specific events. I was pleasantly surprized when he choked back the crying and answered me! I had managed to distract him from why he was crying. I continued with other questions and dialogue. And not too long after he dozed off to sleep in the middle of his sentence. I had used this technique before with my two older ones, but had never really realized what I was doing until with Sam.

    This technique of distracting also works with my youngest who is now two. One night recently while we were having supper she had no interest in eating. After three or four stern warnings to eat, she began fussing because she just didn’t want to. I pulled out my distraction technique and began asking her questions unrelated to our discussion of eating supper, like what color her shirt was. She loves purple, and usually is wearing purple so it was an easy question for her to answer. After a few other questions, I then pulled some reverse psycology and told her she shouldn’t eat because it would make her strong and she didn’t want to be strong. She promply started eating, and smiling while doing it.

    All Things In Moderation

    Distraction is one of those things where after a while, children will pick up on your antics. So you should use it in moderation. Don’t try to employ distraction as soon as the child starts crying. This may aggrevate them more because they haven’t been able to vent their frustration yet. It will be more confusing as they are trying to process their frustration at the same time as answer your question. It usually worked best for me several minutes (3-5) into the episode because my children had forgotten why they were crying to begin with. I have found it to work well with my children 2 to 5. Sam is now 5, and I am still able to distract him when necessary. If you have a baby (under 2), since they likely can’t answer you back yet and have some kind of conversation with you, you should practice talking to them with a soothing voice, rather than expect them to understand that dad’s big booming voice is the authority!

    Ultimately all children respond differently to various rearing methods. I have learned that with my children, distracting them helps me to calm them, and generally we are also able to solve their discontentment in the process. I’d love to hear how this works for you, or if you have your own methods for calming an upset child. Feel free to contact me here http://contact.charlieprofit.com.

    About Charlie

    Charlie Profit has been happily married since 1997 and is father to four wonderful children. He has Faith in Christ, is a Conservative Libertarian, and believes in limited government with free markets. He is a Talk Host, Podcaster and Blogger at www.charlieprofit.com. Charlie is a veteran broadcaster and owns his own broadcast and new media services company CAB Radio, coaching Internet Talk Hosts and helping companies with their Social Media presence.

    Blogged with the Flock Browser
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    The V-Word Part Two: Under the Knife

    A few weeks ago I pulled into the shady, almost cozy looking parking lot of a building that would forever change my life.  From the outside it was a charming, cottage-like building, but inside was a well prepared surgery, perfect for a vasectomy!

    I walked in and, like at all Doctor’s offices, I had to fill out forms. Many forms. After the forms I read over an information booklet and waited.  I spent some time on Twitter, live Tweeting where I was and what I was about to do. Finally, my doctor opened the door, old-fashioned surgical bag under his arm, and asked me to follow him.  I did.

    We walked down to the small surgery that was going to make me transhuman.  For weeks I had been telling my wife that having surgery to eliminate my reproductive ability would give me transhuman status. I thought this was hilarious, my wife didn’t find it as funny. I dropped my pants, hopped up on the table, and went under the knife.

    It was a piece of cake.

    My Doctor asked if I was nervous. When I told him no, he smiled. He likes performing this procedure, he said, because his patients were self-selecting – if they were nervous, they didn’t show up. Nothing but relaxed patients for him.

    He set about prepping me, and we chatted about things that strangers talk about.  The weather, interests, life stories, small things like that.  The worst part of the procedure, that absolute worst part, was when he covered me with antiseptic.  It was cold, like jumping into a cool lake or pool.  That was the absolute extent of the discomfort.  The one time I felt any discomfort, he stopped and topped off the pain medication for me, no questions asked.

    After it was all done, I got dressed, and walked out the door, up the stairs to the waiting car. It was that easy.

    Now, a few things you need to know before you go in. You shouldn’t take any blood thinning pain medication, such as Aspirin and Tylenol, for the two weeks leading up to your procedure, or for one week after.  You should bring a pair of tight brief-style underwear, one size smaller than you usually wear would be fine. You don’t want to be wearing baggy boxers for at least a couple of weeks.  You should also have someone to drive you home, driving just after the procedure is not recommended.

    Over the weekend I spent a lot of time on the couch.  I iced the area, but not for pain, just to prevent swelling. It’s a good idea to rotate ice on and off in fifteen to twenty minute cycles. Don’t over ice!  Try to stay off your feet as much as you can, but you will not a complete invalid.  By Sunday night, I was cleaning up after my kids, and doing much of what I usually did on a regular basis.  The pain was minimal, regular strength painkillers were more than enough.

    By Monday morning, I was ready to go back to work. I had to drive instead of riding my bike, but otherwise I was fine, totally fine.

    In my next and final article, I will let you know how the rest of my recovery went, and the results of my final test.

    Drew Beatty is a father, podcaster and writer. He is also known to use Twitter.  Soon he will be unable to reproduce, but he is okay with that.

    Stay tuned for followup posts on this touchy but important subject matter.

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    How to combat the "Damien" influence

    My son lives with his mother, and every weekend I take the two-hour-roundtrip train ride to pick him up and drop him off. I don’t own a car since I live around public transit, so the commuter rail it is.

    The ride is a good time to catch up with E when I first pick him up, or to just quietly hang out (well, as quietly as a 10-year old can hang out). It’s the only way I know to get him to take a nap in the middle of the day.

    On my way home from dropping E off this afternoon, my RSS feed-reading (thanks to the MBCR’s free wifi) was interrupted by a young voice shouting “I’ll break your hip again!” Up the ramp came a boy, I guessed about 7-years old, followed by his older sister and grandparents. The grandparents just shook their head and tried to corral the boy into a seat.

    The boy’s attitude was shocking. He was rude, he knew it, and he was proud of it. He was a badass in the worst possible way.

    I had a flash of “Punk kids these days” before I realized I’m bunching my son into that group. Then I thought of what I’d do if E ever said something like that, and it hit me that he simply wouldn’t; ten years of reinforcement of ways to behave by both his mother and me have yielded a respectful little kid – especially to his grandparents!

    Then I realized this kid wasn’t that special. There were the badass kids when I was in elementary school, and there were badass kids when my parents were young. This is the kid that other kids avoid. This is the kid that other kids’ dads teach the three tries rule: give him three chances to leave you alone before you lay him out.

    Then I got to thinking about how connected we are. Especially in urban areas, we spend more time in public spaces. Compared to when I was a kid, less and less family time is spent inside the house. People count the mall as a place to spend time as a family – complete with amusement parks. Being around other families more and more, we’re exposed to the good and the bad of other people’s parenting.

    Then I thought about what I’d say if E was with me to witness this. Would I have to say anything? We have an almost unspoken communication around things like this, where he’ll just look at me with an expression like, “Can you believe he gets away with that?”, and I’ll respond with a look that quite simply says “No, no I can’t, and you’d better not try.”

    What about you? Have you ever been in a situation with your child where you’ve observed bad behavior from other kids? How did you turn an awkward moment into a teachable moment?

    Gradon Tripp helps nonprofits raise money online, but in and out of the office, has two blogs, and is the father of an awesome son.

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    Photographic Father’s Day Gift Tips

    Vector of a silver trophy with wording "World's Best Dad"It is one week from Father’s Day!  Do you know where your gift is?  It’s time for procrastinating sons and daughters to unite and get off our butts and focus on something that will make dear old Dad smile.  If you are also a Dad (or Mom) yourself, it will be even easier to put a smile on your Dad’s face, leveraging your kids (his grandchildren).  There is still time to send your Dad a very special gift that is heartfelt, personal, and will be appreciated for a long time to come.

    A PICTURE IS WORTH MORE THAN A THOUSAND… (DOLLAR GIFT)!

    Since Dads are used to supporting their kids, when it comes to Father’s Day I believe that most Dads are much more interested in the thought behind their kid’s Father’s Day presents rather than how much their kids may have spent on them. Thanks to the digital age we live in, chances are you have gigabytes of photos of you, your dad, and your children.  There are literally dozens of websites where you can upload your digital images and turn them into a wide range of personalized gift items, from t-shirts, mugs and key chains, to gorgeous leather bound books.  With very little effort you can personalize them with captions, poetry, family quips, etc. to create something that Dad is certain to cherish.  My personal favorite is Shutterfly.com, but you can also check out Zazzle, Snapfish and just about any other photo sharing site for similar products and services.  In less than an hour, you can put together an awesome gift for Dad at just about any budget level.  More importantly, if you take a few moments to give it some thought, adding some clever captions and other personal touches will make your gift a special one that Dad will return to again and again.  Most of these sites have sophisticated “print on demand” systems so you can create your gift any time, day or night, and it is often shipped within 24 – 48 hours, which means if you act now, you still have time to make something special for Dad that he will receive on time!

    GETTING FRAMED

    One other great gift, at a slightly higher price point, is a Digital Picture Frame.  Buy it in advance, and load it up with an SD card full of pictures of you and your family.  Then send it to Dad so all he has to do is plug it in and turn it on.  For the more adventurous, you can get a “connected” digital frame from companies such as CEIVA.  I sent one of these to my parents as a gift and it now has a prime and prized location in their bedroom.  The CEIVAshare Digital Photo Frame connects to a phone jack and has a unique address.  Knowing the address of my Dad’s frame, I can go to the Ceiva website and upload pictures directly to the frame in my parents apartment.  They never know when there will be something new on the frame, which is cool.  Sure, I can email them new pictures of the kids, but it seems to be even more special when they walk into the bedroom and there it is, already in rotation on their digital frame.  I think the Ceiva frame is a very slick and clever product.

    So, if you haven’t yet decided on what to get your Dad, get to your computer, open your pictures folder and get to work!  What do you think?  If you have other fast and fantastic Father’s Day gift suggestions, please share them in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Gina Rothfels – Fotolia.com

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    Parents or Paparazzi???

    Kinda like this &quot;Papparazzi&quot; shot of my daughter...  Set it as my w allpaper. ;-)
    Smile!  You’re on not-so-candid camera!  As parents it is our god given right to document the lives of our children. It is more than a right, it is an obligation.  Actually, for many it is more than a obligation, it is an obsession!  From the moment of our child’s birth we are compelled to capture them on film, video, digital, pencil sketches, watercolors, crayons  – whatever the prevailing and available recording or imaging technology is, we will use it to capture our very own “Kodak Moments.”  As long as it involves our beloved offspring it is worthy of being photographed and preserved forever.  As our memories wane with age, we can sleep peacefully at night knowing that we took pictures (LOTS of pictures) to remind us of all those wonderful childhood moments we created for our kids.  More importantly, we have proof of those wonderful times to wave in front of our children and remind them how good we were at raising them!

    OUT OF THE CLOSET: FROM SHOEBOX TO FACEBOOK

    Of course, the times they are a changin’ and with the perfect storm of digital photography, the Internet, and Social Networking, every picture ever taken can now be made available for viewing by almost all of the humans on the planet.  That adorable shot of your now 17 year-old Goth Queen daughter when she was 7 in pigtails and freckles can now be shared not just with the family, but with everyone! Why wait for a family gathering to break out the slide projector or shoebox of photos.  Email it or upload it instead!  Why hide in the closet such a myriad of opportunities to embarrass your children?  Go for it.  Post them to your Facebook page and tag them with your kid’s name to ensure they will appear in your child’s feed for all their friends to see!

    WHAT IS YOUR PRIVACY POLICY?

    It is one thing to lovingly embarrass a teen or young adult, but with younger children there are many varied and volatile opinions about how transparent a parent should be when it comes to posting and sharing images of their kids online.  When I first got a Flickr account, I was reluctant to post public pictures of my children, but in recent years, as social media in particular has completely revamped my personal privacy point of view, I have been more comfortable sharing all aspects of my life, including my children.  Granted, they are older, but I don’t think my behavior would be much different if they were younger.  Yes, there are bad people in the world and bad things sometimes happen to children, but there were bad people and bad things long before we had the means to share so widely and openly.  There is risk and reward with everything we do, and overall, I have personally come to the conclusion that, done intelligently, the rewards of “open” outweigh the risks.  That said, I have friends on both sides of the fence on this issue.  I know people like the talented C.C. Chapman who is practically a professional photographer of his children and regularly shares delightful and inspiring photos he takes of his kids.  On the other side, at a recent Social Media Camp in Miami I attended, the lively speaker was Ines Hegedus-Garcia of the popular Miamism blog and she was adamant about the fact that while much of her life is open and online and she has built a successful real estate practice by being so open, she will never post pictures of her children online.  I think I would place myself somewhere in between these two extremes.

    How about you?  Are your kids tired of being followed around by the lurking lens of a Parent Paparazzi?  Are you comfortable publicly sharing pictures of your kids?  I am sure there are many opposing opinions on this and it would be great for all the Dad-O-Matic readers if we could take the discussion to the comments (and of course, feel free to link to pictures of your kids… or not.)

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    A Birthday Party For A Dollar (store)!

    Varicoloured gift boxes in shop pushcart 3D renderingFriday was my middle son’s birthday.  He turned 19, so “having a party” was not the concern it once was when he and his siblings were younger.  At 19, dinner at a restaurant of his choice with family and a couple of friends was more than sufficient for a Happy Birthday.  No balloons, clowns or bounce houses necessary.  Of course, as I observed this rather mature celebration, I was reminded of the many earlier, more challenging birthday gatherings I’ve held and the trials and tribulations of keeping a motley crew of youngsters entertained and happy at one of my kid’s birthday parties.  As I am sure you have, we tried it all over the years: Bowling, McDonald’s, Chucky Cheese, Sleep-Overs, Barbecue’s in the park, Clay Pottery, Magicians, Pinatas, etc., etc.  Sometimes, however, the simplest things get the best results, and I want to share a simple tip we found very successful at many birthday parties when the kids were younger: The Dollar Store Shop-A-Thon!

    CASH IS KING!

    When celebrating a young child’s birthday and planning a party, some people spend a fair amount of money on elaborate “goodie bags” for each of the little guests to take home with them at the end of the party.  We found a relatively cost-effective way to let each kid create their own goodie bag and turned it into a party activity good for at least 45 minutes or so of fun (at least for the kids!)  After the party meal (at a fast food joint or pizza parlor), we’d head over to the local “Dollar Store” and hand each child a crisp $5.00 bill – theirs to spend!  For the next 45 minutes or so the party guests would browse the aisles of junk – er, bargain priced items – thrilled to have their own money to spend however they saw fit.  At a dollar store $5 equals 5 items, so each kid was able to create their own custom treasure trove of cool, useless things that, at the time, seemed to be worth way, way more than the lucky Lincoln they got from Mr. Sass.  We were always amazed at how “cool” the kids thought it was to be able to shop for and choose their own items and create their own bags full of the goodies of their choice.   We did have to monitor the checkout line and ensure our “guests” didn’t try to buy inappropriate items.  After all, we didn’t want to have to explain to a puzzled parent why little Johnny came home from the Sass kid’s party with a can of Bug Spray, Shoe Shine Polish, Two Packs of Kitchen Sponges, and a liter bottle of NoName Cola.  We did our best to encourage the kids to spend their dough in the toy section, but there were always a few eccentric exceptions.

    How about you?  Have you ever done the Dollar Store dance at one of your kid’s birthday parties? What unusual activities have you created to make your child’s birthday special?  Let’s share some ideas here in the comments and help out all the Dad-O-Matic readers with kids celebrating summer birthdays!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Dmitry Koksharov – Fotolia.com

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    The V-Word: Everything You Never Wanted to Know about Vasectomies

    vaspic

    Vasectomy. There, I said it. If you are like most guys you are probably squirming around in your seat as you read this. If you are on the bus and people are starting to look at you funny, I’m sorry, you might want to come back and read this article later, because it’s all about vasectomies.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about vasectomies recently, because in just a few days I will be having one. My wife and I made this decision shortly after the birth of our second son. We took the time to make sure it was the right choice for us, but after his second birthday, I picked up the phone and made the appointment.

    Well, it wasn’t actually that easy. I had to get a referral from my family doctor, which I promptly lost. Then he gave me a second one, which I also lost. He was nice enough to give me yet another one, but he promised me that if I lost that one too, he would do the procedure himself, without anesthetic.

    I didn’t lose the third one.

    Frankly, I was more than a little nervous about it. Then again, most men are. We are talking about a surgical procedure on a delicate area, one that men learn to protect from a very young age.  But the reality is, it’s not that big a deal. A vasectomy is nothing to be afraid of.

    So what exactly does the procedure entail? To begin with, you do not need to go to a hospital to get a vasectomy. A doctor can perform one in his or her office. You only need a local anesthetic, so you will even be awake for the event (although I imagine you might not want to watch it too closely. Unless they use one of those circus mirrors that makes everything look larger). The doctor will create two tiny incisions in the scrotum, and sever the vas deferens (the tubes that transport sperm). They will then clip or cauterize the ends of the tubes to minimize the risk of reattachment.  In a nutshell (ha!) that is all there is to it. There are even non-surgical methods that are proving to be quite effective. If you are particularly squeamish, this might be the route for you to go.

    As simple as this operation is, you will have to make some short-term lifestyle changes. You will need some time to rest after you undergo the operation. Most people take Friday off to get the vasectomy, and can return to work on Monday. You might want to have some painkillers and cold packs on hand for the first day or so. You shouldn’t engage in any vigorous sporting activities for at least seven days, nor should you have sex.  Having the vasectomy does not mean that you are now automatically sperm free. It will take some time, and you should have a follow up test to ensure that you are in the clear.

    A vasectomy is not the right decision for everyone. However, many people are resistant to even consider the possibility as there is still a great deal of fear around having one. I hope to be able to share with you my experiences as I go through this. It isn’t something to fear, and it is one of the most effective forms of birth control available. If you and your wife have the ideal family, it might be something to consider.

    Photo by spud murphy

    Drew Beatty is a father,
    podcaster and writer. He is also known to use Twitter.  Soon he will be unable to reproduce, but he is okay with that.
    Stay tuned for followup posts on this touchy but important subject matter.

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    Love Hurts (And So Does Seeing Your Kid Cry…)

    Love hurtsLove Hurts.

    Perhaps there is a reason cupid walks around with a quill full of arrows. With every piercing of the heart that leads to blossoming love there is also the distinct possibility of the pain associated with removing the arrow when a relationship experiences turbulent times. Trust me, I know firsthand the awful feelings of a clammy cold sweat, lump-filled throat, and aching heart seemingly worse than any possible heartache. But that’s me. Having seen the dark side of love, I wouldn’t wish such anguish on anyone, especially on my kids. However, being a dad of hormone heavy teens and young adults who are in the midst of their own experiences with “first love” it is inevitable that helping to patch broken hearts will be a part of parental duties.

    Love Stinks?

    Love doesn’t really stink, but ending love does (and don’t confuse “ending love” with “Endless Love” – just ask Brooke Shields and Lionel Richie about that). Jimi Hendrix had it right when he asked, “Are You Experienced?” because with experience comes the knowledge that things are never really as bad as they seem. When dealing with only your first or second boyfriend or girlfriend and things are on the rocks, it is inconceivable to think that the relationship may not mend and you will have to move on. When you are in the midst of painfully plucking that arrow from its comfortable coronary perch, without experience it is impossible to believe that life can and will go on and that you will find another love and happiness once again… And so, that part of love can and does hurt… especially for young lovers.

    Breaking Up Is Hard To Do…

    I doubt they know who Neil Sedaka is, but recently two of my kids had relationship troubles that led them to tears. It is never welcome and always difficult to see your children upset and crying, but it is especially hard when you know exactly how they are hurting inside, and you also know that things are not nearly as bad as the hurt would lead them to believe. Yet, there is only so much we can do to help them. We can console and we can comfort, but we really can’t take the pain away, because there are some things that your kids will only truly learn through their own experience. As a parent, that hurts!

    How about you? If your kids are of dating age, how have you helped them deal with breakups and matters of the heart? Please share your comments (and feel free to include any other sappy song titles references that I have yet to soil…)

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © ilro – Fotolia.com

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    Ask Blogger Dad : Boobies, 'wallet' size, and neighborhood dogs

    ask-blogger-dadGot a question? Ask BloggerDad!

    It’s Friday, so it must be time to open up the Ask Blogger Dad mail bag!

    Feel free to email me at IDrawComics (at) gmail.com or leave a comment here and I’ll respond. If you are really ashamed of yourself, and you probably should be for emailing a make believe advice columnist, you can ask me to withold your name and I will do so.

    Dear Blogger Dad,
    Hey listen, I’ve got a delicate question and it needs handling with sensitivity. You also have to understand that I’m not asking this question for myself as it’s of no real concern to me, obviously. But is the size of a man’s er, “wallet” important to women? They seem to claim that it’s not important. They repeatedly state that it’s what a man does with his “wallet” that’s more important than how big it is. I hope you can shed some light on this one.
    Selfish Blogger

    Dear Selfish Blogger,
    The old axiom that it’s not the size of the wallet but how you use it, is true. As someone with a relatively small wallet, I found it hard to compete with men with much larger wallets when I was in the dating pool. There’s nothing worse than going out with a woman and seeing her ogle another man’s wallet, while secretly stealing glances down at yours and pretending you can satisfy her.

    Sure, there’s late night infomercials and all sorts of products claiming to help you increase the size of your wallet, but I wouldn’t trust just anyone to put their paws all over mine.

    In short, it’s hard to measure up to other men when it comes to wallet size. Which is why I’m glad that I’m hung like a Shetland Pony.

    Dear Blogger Dad,
    I am in my mid-30’s and I can’t seem to find a decent guy. I thought I met the perfect guy recently. We talked online and on the phone several times. Then when we went out for a date, I caught him checking out the waitress’s breasts. Aren’t there any guys out there who won’t ogle the breasts of every woman who passes by in a low cut top?
    Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Yes, there are lots of guys who won’t check out other women’s breasts. They are called homosexuals.

    Dear Blogger Dad,
    I have a neighbor (who I am sort of friendly with) who thinks my yard is her dog’s personal toilet. Every morning and night, her dog takes a big dump in my yard. How can I approach the situation without alienating my neighbor?
    Laura B.

    Dear Laura B.,
    What kind of dog does she have? If it’s a small dog, like a Chihuahua, I would buy or borrow, a much larger and meaner dog and let him hang out in front of your house until the culprits show up.

    If you don’t want to go the dog route, I would suggest sneaking over to your neighbor’s house in the middle of the night and pooping on HER LAWN, or better yet, on top of her car. That should get the point across without alienating her.

    If all else fails, I understand that Michael Vick is now out of prison.

    Dear Blogger Dad,
    I have another question – what’s up with this “right to nap on the couch” thing? We have a perfectly lovely bedroom upstairs. New king sized bed & mattress and there is even a TV so he could watch TV while he snoozes.

    But no. Must nap on the sofa. Preferably with his laptop open and a full glass of soda right next to it.

    Which wouldn’t be a problem if we didn’t have five kids.

    Heck, that wouldn’t even be a problem, aside from it just bugging me to watch him sleep, if every so often he didn’t wake up with these wild, bugging out eyes and growl at the children.

    And so, I’m like, “hello, go upstairs” and he says no, that he’s got a right to sleep on the couch. And maybe he does, but wouldn’t it just be better all around to decline to exercise that right and go where he can get some sleep so that the rest of us can relax?
    Thanks!
    Tracy

    Dear Tracy,
    Wait a second, you’re complaining because your husband WANTS to be around you and the kids more often? Men just can’t win with you ladies, huh?

    Personally, when I nap, I like to be as far from my family as possible. If I could afford a hotel room, I’d certainly stay at one, just to get some quiet.

    I don’t want to hear a screaming toddler, the sound of dishes clanging or any of the other stuff my wife sometimes does to try and wake me up. Yeah, she denies it, but come on, NOBODY vacuums for two hours in the same spot, just outside the bedroom door!

    Having said all that, have you considered pooping on his car?

    About: David Wright blogs about his adventures as a first-time father of a two year old at BloggerDad.com. He writes about creativity and offers his illustration and writing services at Collective Inkwell and he draws comics at IDrawComics. He can also be found polluting Twitter with inane tweets.

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    Peanuts Are Poison To My Baby Girl (and Millions Like Her)

    Toxic PeanutsFor my baby daughter, and millions of others with food allergies, nuts can be deadly.  Not a bad stomach ache, or a rash, they can kill her.  Now that’s not going to happen, but it could.

    You see a couple weeks ago, we found out she is allergic to eggs and nuts.   She had bad reactions to both- Eggs, on her first birthday when she gave herself an icing mask, and Nuts when I was eating them while carrying her in my arms.  When I say bad reactions, I mean hives that made us take her right to the urgent care center.  Scary stuff.  So after the nut thing, we made the appointment with an allergist, had the tests done, and sure enough, eggs and nuts.  Done.

    Instantly I went from the Dad that was just aware of food allergies to a member of The United Order Of the Epipen.  When our oldest (now 6) started pre-school, I thought it was overkill that no one was allowed to send their kid to school with peanut butter or nuts, and that anything you sent for birthdays had to be store bought not home-made.  What a pain.

    Of course after hearing the news I went into full-on research mode.  Here’s some statistics you may not be aware of:

    • 8 foods account for 90 % of all food-allergic reactions in the U.S.: milk, eggs, wheat, soy, fish, shellfish, peanuts, and tree nuts (e.g., walnuts, almonds, cashews, pistachios, pecans) .
    • More than 12 million Americans have food allergies. That’s one in 25, or 4 percent of the population.
    • About 3 million children under 3 in the U.S. have food allergies.
    • More than 3 million people in the US report being allergic to peanuts, tree nuts or both.
    • Peanut allergy doubled in children over a five-year period (1997-2002).
    • Even trace amounts of a food allergen can cause a reaction.

    I know the debate.  Where does it stop?  It should be on the kid and their parent to make sure they don’t eat or come into contact with foods they are allergic to.  Back in September 2008, a Dad-o-matic Dad wrote  Nuts!, discussing the burden that food allergies places on families that are not affected by the condition.  The problem is, some kids are so allergic that all they need is contact with the dust of a peanut to send them into an anaphylactic crisis.

    Look, a lot parents have been given far worse news from doctors about their kids.  Our daughter won’t be able to eat out at most restaurants, or go out for ice-cream, but there are far worse burdens to bear.  We’ll take all of the precautions and educate her.  I’m just asking for a little help and understanding.

    Be aware that Food Allergies are not just an inconvenience to the people affected by them.  When your kid’s school sends home the notice, or has a rule, just respect the policy.  It’s not about fair, or an intellectual debate.  In the end, do you really want to be the one who sends my kid to the hospital because it was just easier to make peanut butter and jelly for lunch?

    Ian is the father of two young daughters (Carly 6, and Sydney, 17 months).  He is the editor of RecallNewsletter.com and  has a podcast about starting a business at Startup Daddy

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    Go Ride A Bike!

    bike-smallSpring has sprung, and dads everywhere are dusting seats, tightening bolts, lubricating chains and pumping air into the tires of the family bicycles. Riding a bike is something I love to do, and something I cannot help but equate to fond memories of both childhood and fatherhood. As a kid, there were few things as exciting as the moment I realized I could ride my bike on my own. I suddenly had the means and freedom to go off alone, to travel (albeit through the neighborhood) wherever whim and my peddling legs dared to take me. The speed, wind in the face, and concept of my own self-powered transportation was, and is today, nothing short of magical. Even now, getting on my bike is like stepping into a time machine as when I peddle into “the zone” my mind drifts off and the feel and motion and peddling combined triggers all sorts of physical and mental memories. It is as if I can, for a moment, slip back into every bike ride I have ever taken, from tricycle, to training wheels, to Stingray Chopper, to 10-speed, to mountain bike, to… you get the idea… I find bike riding both physically and mentally invigorating.

    SHARE AND SHARE A BIKE

    As a father, bicycles represent a welcome tradition and a rite of passage. I can remember my father running alongside me on our block in Queens, as I balanced on two wheels for the first time, the training wheels temporarily raised up several inches so they were still there for support if I were to lean too far to one side or the other. Then there was the ultimate leap, when the training wheels were fully removed, and that amazing moment when your Dad let’s go of the seat and you are off… truly on your own. That is a process we repeated with each of my own kids as they too braved through falls and skinned knees until that incredible turning point when everything finally “clicks” and you realize you can actually control the bike and balance it, peddle it, turn it, and even stop it. It is perhaps the first moment a child truly understands that they can indeed be in control of their own destiny.

    LOOK MA, NO HANDS!

    Once you can ride a bike there is no turning back. It is a skill and joy that thankfully has no age barriers. It is an activity that can and should be shared across generations, and cherished as something parents, children, grandparents and grandchildren can all do together. As I now watch my youngest, my Daughter Olivia, drive off in a car on her own, I can still see her the first time she rode off alone, at age three, on a pint-sized two-wheeler that looked like something a clown would ride in a circus act. As she wobbled off on her own, appearing humorously top-heavy thanks to the bulging pink helmet topping her tiny toddler frame, she smiled ear to ear, and never looked back. Neither have I. I always look forward, and look forward to riding my bike, with my kids, or alone, as often as possible.

    How about you? Please share your bike riding experiences, with and without your kids, in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Give Your Child a Future Without Limits

    Rapid evolution is sweeping the planet, pushing us faster and farther than ever before. Communication is now nearly as instant as thought. It is those who weild the sharpest skills to clearly communicate who will be the ones to mine the most from the future’s rewards.

    This isn’t handed down. Skilled communication isn’t innate, it is taught. Unfortunately, oftentimes it isn’t taught well enough. I look at the world around me and sigh; I am unwilling to fail my children by providing them poor preparation for an old world quickly sinking deep in the tar of extinction. I expect my children to live a limitless life, and am quite certain that it is verbal currency that will pave their way.

    Many of today’s schools are simply not meeting the needs of our youngest writers. Children require consistent modeling, ample time to write, a prompt or topic, and honest feedback and appropriate response. For optimum results, they also need exposure to a wide range of genres, text, poetry and prose.

    Ask yourself the following questions. Do you know where your child is in the writing process?

    • Are they an emergent writer? Do they carry a basic awareness of sights and sounds?
    • Are they a developing writer? Have they begun to insert stylized sentences into their writing while able to make strong connections to real world ideas as well as their own internal emotions?
    • Are they an independent writer? Have they already internalized the writing process? Can they exhibit fluency by using rich vocabulary and a fundamental understanding of mechanics?

    Knowing where your child right now will help you determine where they need to go.

    My wife Cindy has been teaching now for twenty years. Her specialties are reading, writing, and early childhood development. The two of us have been discussing building an online school forever.  An outstanding institution however, must be built brick by brick or plank by plank. The new virtual world isn’t any different. After numerous months of planning, our first wing of the school is nearing completion.

    Our Writing Roots Writer’s Workshop will not be running in full until September, but we will be accepting a pilot group of young writers at the beginning of this summer. Spots are provided on a first come first serve basis and space is limited.

    Please sign up for the newsletter below if you are interested. Whether your child is in public school, private school, or home school – this newsletter is for you. It is free and will offer regular tips for teaching your child to be a better writer, along with information on our upcoming pilot program.

    Hope to see you there.

    Sean Platt is a ghostwriter and dad who believes children write the future.

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    Ask Blogger Dad – May 16, 2009 Ignored wives, bad movies and why men don't clean

    ask-blogger-dadGot a question? Ask BloggerDad!

    Welcome to the second edition of Ask Blogger Dad, your one stop spot for bad advice! Thanks for the warm response to my debut column last week. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the reaction, it’s that I should REALLY be charging you people for access to my wisdom. However, since I don’t have the title of Life Coach or Guru, I apparently cannot do so.

    And while I call myself Dr. Blogger Dad, it apparently does not actually make me a doctor! Who knew?!

    At any rate, here’s this week’s questions. Feel free to email me at IDrawComics (at) gmail.com or leave a comment here and I’ll respond. If you are really ashamed of yourself, and you probably should be for emailing a make believe advice columnist, you can ask me to withold your name and I will do so.

    Q: I have a two year old son. At what age are males ready to learn how to clean up around the house?
    -Your wife

    Dear Your Wife,
    I’m sure you’ve heard it said that women mature faster than men. Women would do well to understand that the fault is not the men’s but rather one of nature. Therefore it would be unrealistic of you to expect your son, or your husband for that matter, to fully mature enough to handle household chores until the age of about 45.

    Q: I was wondering, why is it that my husband does not read my blog? He says he has looked at it a few times, and admittedly, not all the time. Why isn’t my writing something he might want to read?

    And on an unrelated note, my husband ignores me. Quite literally, ignores me. It isn’t because I’m not speaking loud enough, he is just tuned out. It’s quite often, and there is no common thread, like reading a newspaper, or doing something where he is otherwise engaged. He could just be sitting there, with no other distractions, and he just WILL NOT hear me! What’s up with this?
    -Crazed Mama

    Dear Crazed Mama,
    Your husband sits there and doesn’t hear you, eh? Are you sure you’re real? I mean, you might be like Bruce Willis’s character in The Sixth Sense, a ghost that doesn’t realize you’re dead. And if you are in fact dead, can you please ask my uncle what was the secret ingredient he put into his pasta to make it taste so damned good? Man, he made the best spaghetti. Thanks for your question.

    Oh, wait, I almost ignored your question. Awkward!

    If you ARE in fact alive, then perhaps your husband is ignoring you because you’re boring. And if you are boring, why on Earth would he want to read your boring blog?

    I’d suggest spicing up your blog with things which interest him. You might start with blog posts about his favorite sports team or perhaps you can post some pictures of boobies. Maybe write some of your favorite sexual fantasies in your blog. Particularly if those fantasies involve you in a cheerleader outfit. If he doesn’t respond then, HE might be the one who is dead. In which case, I’d suggest moving on already.

    Q: Long time reader, first question: If your wife says it’s cool to watch Kill Bill for the umpteenth time instead of What Happens in Vegas, which is still waiting to be seen and dropped back in the mailbox, does she really mean it?
    -Writer Dad

    Dear Writer Dad,
    Chances are good that your wife is simply being polite by letting you watch “your movie”. You seem like an insensitive clod who probably doesn’t deserve the woman you have. In any event, I’d suggest sitting through “her movie” and being happy you’ve found a woman who will sleep with you.

    Of course, you won’t enjoy the movie. For God’s sake, it has both Ashton Kutcher AND Cameron Diaz! What deal with Satan was signed to get this movie green lit?  I would suggest a partial lobotomy, which should help you enjoy the on-screen abomination.

    Q: BloggerDad! Stop this lunacy immediately! You’re creating unrealistic expectations. Before you know it women will be badgering their menfolk to be more like YOU. It’s a road to disaster and you know it.

    I can’t believe you’re selling out like this. The first rule of Man Club is: You do not talk about Man Club.

    For decades we’ve been able to convince women that we look at their EYES first, which of course makes them feel better when they catch us looking at their boobies! Seriously, you’re unraveling the very fabric of society. WE’RE DOOMED! *Sob – Cry – Wail*
    -Dave Fowler

    Dear Dave Fowler,
    Believe me, womenfolk will not be badgering their men to be more like me. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned during all my years, it’s that most women don’t want a guy anything like me. Trust me! Women actually LIKE their men to be a bit jerky and uncommunicative.

    It gives them something to bitch about when they’re talking with other women. And NOTHING makes a woman more happy than to have a better, more outrageous story of their man’s stupidity so they can top the stories of their friends and co-workers. Man Club isn’t going anywhere soon.

    About: David Wright blogs about his adventures as a first-time father of a two year old at BloggerDad.com. He writes about creativity and offers his illustration and writing services at Collective Inkwell and he draws comics at IDrawComics. He can also be found polluting Twitter with inane tweets.

    Amplify

    Without Moms There Wouldn’t Be Dads!

    Mother Tattoo on Arm

    It’s Mother’s Day, so naturally that would have to be the topic for my weekly visit to Dad-O-Matic.  As a Dad, I thought long and hard and realized that I wouldn’t be a Dad if not for two very important Mothers… My Mom, and the Mother of my three wonderful kids!  So, in tribute to them, and all Mothers of Fathers, I wrote a short poem to commemorate the day.  I hope you enjoy it!

    WITHOUT MOMS THERE WOULDN’T BE DADS
    by Jeff Sass

    There wouldn’t be Dads if not for Moms,
    No boys to play baseball, or ask girls to proms.

    If it weren’t for Mothers there would be no Dads,
    No men to be fathers after starting as lads.

    If we didn’t have a Mommy there wouldn’t be a Daddy,
    Who would be left to drive everyone batty?

    It takes two to tango, and two to make kiddies,
    Without all our Moms, things wouldn’t be so pretty.

    Every Father started with a Mother,
    So who can we thank? There can be no other.

    To become a great Dad there are two women you need,
    Your mom, and the woman who’s the mom of your seeds.

    So every Dad must be full of praise,
    And cherish every Mom on Mother’s Day.

    HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit © Colourfield – Fotolia.com

    Amplify

    How to Have the Best Mother's Day Ever!

    Hi everyone,

    My name is Sean Platt and I’m new here at Dad-O-Matic. I’m also known around the Net as Writer Dad. I’m a big believer that life’s a lot better when you use the right words.

    Mother’s Day is here. We all know we need to call up mom, wish her a happy Mother’s Day and maybe get her something extra special or take her out for a nice meal. In Russia, they don’t celebrate Mother’s Day. Instead they share Woman’s Day, a holiday celebrating all woman; mothers, daughters and wives. I’ve always loved this.

    This Mother’s Day, I’d like to talk about the moms we’re married to. Gentleman, whether you have the perfect present, are right now undecided or haven’t yet remembered, I have the perfect additional gift, guaranteed to make the lady who loves you start to love you even more.

    Ladies, back me up here.

    Tell her how you feel. She is the mother to your children. By definition, she deserves it. Start with a single thoughtful thread, then spin it into something special. She will love a letter, but a card comes awfully close. If your creativity’s running low on fuel, you can even send an email.

    The common denominator: tell her how you feel.

    It doesn’t have to be long, but it must be honest. Even if you are only saying the same things you normally do, it still pays to put it in writing. The written word gives our thoughts permanence and women understand this.

    I promise, your words will touch her deeply. Give it a try, then come back on Monday and tell me how it went.

    I’ve written mine. I had no idea how they would turn out until I started doing it. That’s the way it almost always is for me. Maybe you already know exactly what yours are going to be, and you started thinking about them two paragraphs back. Perhaps you have no idea.

    Just start doing it and soon it will be done. For the cost of a few minutes, you might have the best Mother’s Day ever.

    As an added bonus, I have a piece of Mother’s Day poetry for the children. Print it out, have the kids decorate it and then read it to mom. Best Mother’s Day ever times two.

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. You make the world a better place.

    Thanks for having me here at Dad-O-Matic, it’s good to be here.

    Sean Platt is a dad and ghostwriter , who blogs about creativity and likes to tweet.

    Amplify

    Ask BloggerDad

    ask-blogger-dadGot a question? Ask BloggerDad!

    When the good folks at Dad-O-Matic asked me to write for them, I had to a) make sure they didn’t mean to send the email to somebody else and b) think up something to write about.

    So I figured, why not write an advice column?

    First, a bit of an introduction. My name is David Wright, though I’m more commonly known by my superhero name, BloggerDad, on the web. I was a reporter and editorial cartoonist until last year when economic conditions forced my paper to decide that it didn’t really need writers anymore.

    While I’m a cartoonist, writer and a website tuner upper, my one true talent is knowing what other people should do.

    You see, I’m not like most guys.

    This is the part where I turn into a zombie and start singing and dancing to “Thriller”. Okay, song over. Thanks for indulging me.

    You see, I’ve been blessed/and or cursed in that most of my friends are women. So I’ve become something of an expert on knowing what makes women tick. Well, as much an expert as any guy can claim to be in this arena.

    A lot of guys come to me to me with their female problems (a phrase which has ENTIRELY two different meanings depending on the sex of the person using it).

    They ask questions such as:

    • “Why did my wife throw my clothes on the lawn?”
    • “Why does my lady like to cuddle after sex?”
    • “Why does my wife cry when I clip my toenails in bed?”

    I’m also the go-to guy for most of my female friends when they want to know what the men in their lives are thinking.

    So, I figured, why not offer my services to the readers of Dad-O-Matic in efforts to bring the sexes together?

    In addition to answering questions about the differences between men and women, I will answer pretty much any other question you have, provided you’re not seeking actual helpful advice.

    For the first edition, I asked some of my readers to submit questions. Here’s their questions and my responses.

    Q: When men talk on the phone to their mothers, or are being talked at on the phone by their mothers, are they absorbing ANYTHING their mothers are saying?
    Urban Panther

    A: First of all, you should NEVER talk to a man on the phone.

    For some reason, when women get on the phone, they tend to ramble on endlessly about things we don’t care about. It’s not your fault — okay, it is — but the fact is that most men and women have completely different interests.

    Most women engage in gossip. Sure, they don’t consider themselves gossip queens, but give almost any woman long enough and she’ll start talking about what some friend, family member or worse, a family member of a friend of a friend recently did.

    Most guys don’t care about gossip because it’s stuff about other people. If it doesn’t involve us, we really don’t care to know anything about it. We are incredibly self centered like that.

    If you want to hold a man‘s attention on the phone, you have to find something which appeals to his interests.

    Sensing an opportunity (market) here, I’ve decided to start selling scripts to help mothers and wives bond with the men in their lives.

    Here’s some sample lines:
    “Did you see that game last night? Was that ref blind?”
    “That call was pure bulls*&t!”
    “They were robbed!”

    Q: 1) I want to know what possesses people to make a cake out of diapers and then hot glue some rattles on it and present it as a gift. 2) I also want to know what is up with people who do not say Hi back at small children. 3) Or people with dogs who scowl at your children even though their germy butt dog is the one trying to lick your kids?
    Tracy

    1) Obviously, these cake-making friends think your pain is funny. They are secretly laughing at your misery as it makes their own lives that much more bearable. These are the same ‘friends’ who buy your kids noisy toys and house pets. Bitches!

    2) As for the not saying “hi” to small children, I get it. Come on, we all know that when children say “hi”, they are only doing so to  manipulate you into giving them your cookie. Get your own cookie, kid! This one is mine.

    3) People with dogs hate children. Many of them buy children on the black market in order to feed them to their dogs. This is especially true of Chihuahua owners.

    Q:Blogger Dad, when a man says they’re thinking about “nothing”, is there anything floating around in his head at all?

    Green Jello

    Define anything.

    Usually, when a guy says he’s thinking about nothing, he is in fact thinking about something he feels you probably don’t want to know about. And by something, I mean other women’s boobies.

    I know, we’re pigs, but we can’t help it! If there are boobies nearby, it is physically impossible to not look at them. And it would also be rude, and my mama didn’t raise a rude boy. Looking at boobies is in our genes! At least, that’s what Wikipedia says and we all know that the internets do not lie. As is evidenced by this post.

    If he’s not thinking about boobies, he’s likely thinking about something Very Important, like whether or not the Mets will always suck.

    I mean, really, it seems like they’re almost toying with fans now. Building up expectations only to dodge them each fall.

    Q: If I start young, can I teach my son to love talking in circles like a girl, or is he simply hardwired to avoid these long-winded female emotional sharing fests?
    Tricia

    Why would you want your son to talk like a girl? Is this some attempt to ensure that he will always talk to you on the phone?

    By turning your son into a girly boy, you may as well make a shirt for him with a big target sign on it that says, “I’m a sissy pants, please beat me up.”

    He will never forgive you. Trust me on this. I’m still mad at MY mom for making me all “sensitive to women’s needs” and stuff. This ensured a very lonely high school existence.

    That’s it for the mailbag this week! Got questions? Comment here or shoot me a line at idrawcomics  At gmail.com. If you comment here, I’ll use your url. If you email me, you can request anonymity.

    Stop by next Friday for the next Ask BloggerDad!
    Like this post? Please tweet it!

    David Wright blogs about his adventures as a first-time father of a two year old at BloggerDad.com. He writes about creativity and offers his illustration and writing services at Collective Inkwell and he draws comics at IDrawComics. He can also be found polluting Twitter with inane tweets.

    Amplify

    Children, Collections, and You

    Newly hatched dragon family

    Dragon Collection

    I bet many of you moms and dads had collections when you were children.
    Some of you collected dolls, some trading cards. Did you realize at the
    time though how much that activity added to your life?

    As parents today, one of the best activities we can encourage in our
    children is hobby collecting. Collecting is much more than just filling
    up the shelves and drawers with stuff; it can be way for our child to
    gain self esteem, define themselves, and to bond with us.

    Self Esteem comes from having something they did themselves. The act of
    gathering a collection requires the child to make choices, do research
    and go after items to add. Each piece a child gathers can be a hallmark
    of achievement.

    Special significance and positive feelings will be attached to
    especially difficult to find items. In my case that would have been
    first edition comics or custom made belt buckles. Finding those and
    being able to display them isn’t trivial and even children will
    appreciate those they put some effort into acquiring.

    Defining yourself as a child and on into your teens is a constant
    process. Being a collector can help by setting them apart from their
    peers. Lots of kids collect baseball cards, but almost all children
    that do have a favorite team or favorite position. That’s what will
    express or show how they define themselves.

    Going beyond the ordinary really gives a child a chance to be unique.
    Your child might like music, why not encourage them to focus on a
    specific genre, becoming an expert. Another child might enjoy models,
    but what will really speak to that’s child personality will be a
    particular type. It could be the materials, the factory(Revell), or the
    subject. Some kids will love jigsaw puzzles, but a true collector will
    often want the more challenging or unique puzzles. Finding that
    specific avenue will tell you and the child a lot about them.

    Bonding for me is a huge part of working on a collection. It’s one of
    those activities that a parent can spark interest in easily, and just as
    easily be the primary supplier of new items. My father helped with my
    buckle collection. He’d help me spot that one unusual buckle at the
    booth at a fair. My dad would bring back buckles from his travels as
    well. It was something we could talk about, discussing where it was
    found, how it was made, the materials and more.

    Another part of the bonding comes from allowing our children to share
    their collections with us. Encouraging them to talk about how they came
    by each doll or coin, what’s different about it, and why it’s special to
    them. Consider how working together to come up with a creative storage
    method would bring you and your child closer.

    Beyond self esteem, defining themselves, and a bonding opportunity,
    collecting can foster imagination, and a sense of adventure. Collecting
    can be an expensive hobby, and rare coins may not work for every family.
    There are lots of cheaper alternatives though, such as foreign currency,
    stamps, and insects.

    Start them collecting today.

    Still a collector today,
    Todd

    Todd Jordan is a father of two boys, and now has three granddaughters as
    well. Besides blogging here, he has his own blog, The Broad Brush. Todd
    can be found on Twitter as tojosan, and lots of other places too.

    ———————–
    In case you need some ideas, I polled people on Twitter; here are some
    of the items they collected:

    katforshort – Quilts, Rubik’s cubes, pet rocks, match boxes, little hotel lotions & soaps, marbles, magnets.

    kmprattrealtor – Every early fall my Dad took me to the Alton Expo when it was on the Mississippi rive front and bought me a unicorn.

    Sweetpeazz – I collected leotards ( I was a gymnast) and star wars figures…hows that for a combination!

    jenn_if_er – I collected Beanie Babies and, of course, Barbies

    onedadslife – Stamps and Keys. Somewhere in my attic is a whole pile of skeleton keys! In fact, my ATTIC opens with a skeleton key!

    chinacat – I used to have a stuffed camel collection.

    KellyFerrara – teddy bears. And rocks. And glass figurines called “birthday angels” that were made for each month – I collected “April”s.

    creativereason – Standard stuff: Comics, baseball cards, ticket stubs, etc.

    codyks – rocks… kinda seems symbolic now. Rocks are deep.

    Macala – As a child I collected Breyer Horses.

    spifbv – I collected classic Space LEGOs, built indestructible ships. Also pennies and comic books, mostly X-Men and related titles.

    LizScherer – vintage hats and dolls

    doctorsound – business cards. When I was younger my grandpa (ex car dealer) passed away, I found all his clients old cards
    and added more.

    ziolablu – the wax figures you use to be able to get from the machines at the stl zoo… The only thing I’ve collected ever.
    I’m anti-stuff.

    Amplify

    Swine Flu: Teaching Sense vs. Fear!

    Fair and Balanced?  Sass dons a mask for FoxNews.com

    Fair and Balanced? Sass dons a mask for FoxNews.com

    “Why?”

    “Why” is one of the words young kids tend to wear out even more than the welcome “Mom” and “Dad.”  As parents, our job of answering that one word wonder of wonder truly never ends.  No matter how young or old our kids are, it is part of a parent’s eternal mission in life to answer our kids’ curiosity, and teach them the ways of the world to the best of our ability and experience.  This mission has perhaps become more challenging in this age of information overload.  With all forms of media constantly blaring news and information at every digital turn, our kids today are exposed to a constant stream of data to pique their progressive interest and occasionally cause concern.

    DAYS OF SWINE AND ROSES…

    My kids are asking, “Why is everyone worried about the flu???  Are you worried???”  The current rage of current events is clearly the news of the H1N1 “swine” flu pandemic.  The “media” seems to be reporting on every new case throughout the world, and in doing so raising awareness, and, in my humble opinion, fear, to disproportionate levels.  Needless to say, my kids have been discussing the flu, asking me questions, and bringing home stories from school, along with rumors of pending school closings (“Flu days”???) because of unnamed students with flu like symptoms.  While I want them to be informed and reasonably concerned, I also want them to be realistic and I don’t want them to live their lives in fear.  The truth is, according to the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention  (www.cdc.gov), in the United States as of May 3, 2009 at 11:00 am ET there have been 226 cases of the H1N1 flu and 1 reported death (and the media has reported that the one death in Texas was a child who had entered the U.S. from Mexico, already quite ill).  I have shared this information with my kids and reiterated common sense preventative measures, almost all of which point back to basic good health and hygiene practices.

    “… THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF”  – Franklin D. Roosevelt

    I certainly do not want to diminish the concerns for the flu, nor the impact it has had on the families afflicted so far, but we have to live our lives (and help our kids live theirs) with balance and good sense, but not constant fear.  If we lived in constant fear, we would never get in an automobile.  While there have been a few hundred cases of the now feared flu and one related death in the U.S., in our country every year we lose approximately 40,000 lives to automobile related fatalities.  That is on average more than 100 deaths a day, in the U.S. alone.  Imagine if the national media reported on each and every car fatality in the same fashion as the flu pandemic now leads the news.  As a parent, I am far more worried and concerned about the fact that my kids drive in cars every day than I ever will be worried about the current spread of the flu. Yes, they should be aware.  Yes, they should take reasonable care and precautions.  No, they should not be afraid.  As a parent, I want to protect my kids and inform them and guide them, and keep them happy and to do so I feel I must lean toward good sense and away from too much fear.  Sometimes the media and our data filled world makes that difficult.

    How about you?  Do you agree, or do you think I am simply justifying my own fear of fear?  What discussions have you had with your children about the current flu scare?  Please share your thoughts in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Breakfast + Supper = Bupper!

    stack of pancakes

    Traveling for work I often find my kids a bit unruly when I return.  They are always excited to see me and can turn an already hectic time (dinner) into something even more chaotic.  If my wife is working when I come home I am often left to fend for myself while three hungry boys circle me like sharks on a feeding frenzy.

    What’s my solution to this potential powder keg?  Bupper.  I’m not talking about that college road trip, walk of shame bupper you may have taken at 3 am after a long night out with the fellas.  This is a more refined, kid friendly version.  It may sound simple but nothing seems to quiet my tribe like pancakes.  They love it.  They love it even more when I tell them “This isn’t an ordinary supper, this is bupper!”  They think they are getting away with something and I am able to have a meal with my boys that that is fun and peaceful.

    So the next time you are faced with a wild hungry crowd and you want to quickly calm them down, whip out the skillet and rustle up a stack of your favorite pancakes.  Remember, breakfast+supper=bupper!  Your kids will thank you.

    Photo credit: originally uploaded to Flickr by paolovalde

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    The Plane and Simple Truth…

    If you are reading this, there is a good chance you have kids.  If you have kids, there is a good chance you have had to take your kids with you on an airplane trip. If you don’t have kids, if you ever fly on commercial airlines there is still a good chance you have flown with kids, even if those kids were not yours.  As any frequent flyer can dutifully recite by rote, every flight begins with an admonishment to “…look around you to see where the nearest emergency exit is. Please note that the nearest exit may be behind you…”  On a recent flight I took from New York back to Fort Lauderdale a far more useful warning to me might have been, “…look around you to see where the nearest WILD AND CRAZY, SLEEP DEPRIVED, SUGAR CRAZED CHILDREN are, and please note that they MIGHT BE IN THE SEAT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!”

    BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

    With three kids now well past the ages of being able to travel alone, I do know firsthand how exhausting and frustrating it can be to travel with young children.  I can only imagine how those stresses are compounded today by our heightened security procedures, early check in times, long lines, baggage restrictions, shoe removal, liquid limitations, etc.  With that in mind, when I travel (which is a lot) and encounter the shrieks and cries of an over-tired toddler, I typically tune them out and endure, offering the glaze-eyed, weary parent a knowing smile of encouragement that says, “yes, I have walked in your shoes… I feel your pain — I wish I didn’t have to listen to your pain for the next three hours, but I feel it, nonetheless…”

    SONYA THE SILLY & AVNER THE ADVENTURER

    On this particular flight I was seated toward the back of the plane, and in the row directly in front of me was a young father with two young, very wide awake, very active and agile young kids.  Their mother was seated in the aisle across from them, already completely disengaged, wearing headphones, staring blankly at the complimentary JetBlue TV screen, while mindlessly munching on bags of store bought popcorn and potato chips.  Clearly, NOTHING was going to distract her from her few moments of near catatonic bliss.  Little Avner had climbed up on the armrests, straddling the aisle with one leg on Mom’s armrest and the other on Dad’s, raising his fists in the air and screaming unintelligible toddler speak with the blind enthusiasm of Leonardo DiCaprio proudly screaming “I’m the King of the World” from the bowsprit of the Titanic!  Avner’s sister, Sonya, was standing on the armrests of her chair, facing my row, interrogating us from over the top of her seat like an irritating and nosey neighbor violating the protective privacy of the back yard picket fence.  She was adorable… but incessant.  Dad, meanwhile, alternated between forcibly dragging each of them back into their proper seats.  Somehow, he managed to restrain them long enough for the plane to disembark without violating any FAA regulations regarding placement of passengers at take-off…

    BITING MY TONGUE

    Long before we hit cruising altitude the kids were up and cruising the aisles and armrests again.  Dad’s yanking of Avner’s little arms to extract him from his various armrest adventures were getting increasingly violent, and the occasional curse and verbal threat leaked forth from his tightly pursed parental lips.  I was starting to get a bit uncomfortable watching this desperate Dad and were it not for the disarming effect of Sonya’s continual annoying yet adorable poking, prodding and questioning of me and my seatmates about everything, I might have given Dad a “piece of my mind” about how he was handling (or seemingly mishandling) his kids.  Then Mom and Dad disappeared to the back of the plane, leaving their kinetic kids in the care of the economy class.  As they flailed and fell about, climbing and cackling and turning ROW 23 into an airborne bounce house, I had no choice but to laugh as I did my best to prevent banged heads and broken bones.

    SMOOTH LANDING

    By the time Mom and Dad returned, both kids had climbed over into my row, and were standing on my knees, trying to steal an aged stuffed bunny from the teenage solo traveler in the window seat (that this young adult woman was flying clutching her bunny, “Clover,” is another story for another day…).  I don’t know if it was alcohol, Valium, or a chance to just stretch their legs and breathe, but when Mom and Dad returned they were much more relaxed and engaged us all in conversation about their kids and the challenges of their traveling adventures.  They turned out to be a sweet and loving couple (with really smart and funny kids) who had just had a really long day, starting their journey with a drive from Montreal to NY before the flight to Florida.  I was glad that I had not said anything negative that I might have regretted, for if I am honest with myself, I am sure I must have been “that dad” at one time or another.   Although we all left the plane as friends, I was quick to decline their offer to let us “babysit” for Avner and Sonya sometime…

    How about you?  Have you had some flying adventures with your kids (or other people’s kids) that you’d like to share.  What do you do to contain “enthusiastic” youngsters when on a plane?  Please share your stories and tips in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Burger King & Spongebob : A Marriage Made in Parenting Hell?

    SpongeBob SquarePants (character)

    I have been following the story of the Burger King commercial – “I like Square Butts” with interest. When I first saw the commercial I personally thought it had crossed the line. I wasn’t sure why Burger King thought it would be appropriate to use a highly sexualized video to promote a kid’s meal.

    I realize that being a father to two daughters I can sometimes be a little over-sensitive about these things. However, it occurs to me that tying a popular cartoon character, to a kids meal, to the sexual objectification of women in a hip-hop style really does take marketing too far.

    Its hard enough to keep children from being swamped with inappropriate messages, but this type of marketing just makes a parents life even harder. The ad has apparently been running during South Park, so perhaps Burger King are now trying to persuade a slightly older demographic to eat kids meals, though not sure they are going to want the free spongebob toy that comes with it.

    I am not a person that tends toward the overly Politically Correct, I think that people are entitled to have a bit of fun and show their creativity, but this commercial doesn’t do that. Etrade with their baby stock trader is a great example of doing something off the wall, that is funny and creative without being offensive.

    So should I just “get a hobby” as one website recommends to those who find it offensive or does this Ad make it harder for parents?

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    An April Foolish Tradition

    Calender April Fool's Day 2009Family Traditions come in all shapes and sizes.  Some traditions involve special places.  Some traditions involve special foods.  Many traditions involve special people.  My family traditions involve jokes.  I come from a long line of practical jokers. My grandfather was famous (well, infamous) for placing a rubber rat in the oven, on top of a freshly baked apple pie my grandmother was cooling. The screams she let forth when opening the oven door are legend in the Sass family. Unfortunately, coming from a family full of perennial pranksters has its disadvantages too. For example, while others may be laughing their asses off, on April 1st there is no laughing the Sasses off.  In fact, at this point, on April 1st we basically do not speak. We have grown so accustomed to punking and pranking each other on that day over the years that now our family tradition is to do nothing, because we know that anything we say or do on that day will not be believed for a second. Therefore, in my family April Fools’ Day is a day of silence… Any phone call, email or text message dated April 1 is instantly suspect of being a joke, and thus promptly ignored.

    THE JOKE’S ON ME

    This year I decided to buck the trend and be an April Fool a few days after April 1, in order to shake things up a bit.   I had been helping my oldest son prepare his Taxes and after our TurboTax adventure it appeared he would be receiving a refund of several hundred dollars, which he considered to be a happy financial windfall.  I told him I would take care of the filing for him.  The next day I called Zach with the bad news.  “Zach,” I fibbed, “I was reviewing your tax return and I made a mistake…  You owe $1,000!”  “WHAT???? How can that be???” was the reaction I expected and received.  I could practically feel Zach’s disappointment at seeing the wind get taken out of his windfall, so I started to laugh and revealed my taxing remark as a belated APRIL FOOLS’ joke.  “Gotcha!” I gloated. Zach laughed along, relieved he was indeed still going to have his own little economic stimulus package.  We chatted a few more minutes on the phone when he told me, “Dad, I forgot to tell you. I spoke to the dealer about the part that was missing on my car and they said they would not cover it, and I have to pay $1,000 to have it installed!”  “WHAT???” I exclaimed, instantly riled up as we had recently been arguing about the dealer’s responsibility to have properly inspected the vehicle and replace a part that they should have spotted as missing before we purchased the used truck to replace a car Zach had totaled.  I was furious.  “That is ridiculous!  That is unacceptable!!!  Do you know how many vehicles we bought from this dealer over the years????  I can’t believe they would treat us this way!!!”  To which my son replied, laughing, “And I can’t believe I GOT YOU on the very same call that you got me!  April Fools, Dad!  They are replacing the part, no charge!”

    Moral of the story: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… (and any day in April can be an April FOOL day!)

    How about you and your family?  Do you have an April Fools’ tradition?  What are your other family traditions?  Please share them in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Thana Thaweeskulchai – Fotolia.com

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    Giving Your Kid Drugs

    1733453_ff5a327e94_m-1As parents, we have to make big decisions on our children’s behalf and sometimes we have to make those decisions in moments of crisis, with incomplete information, and contradictory or ambiguous advice from experienced professionals. This post is about making the decision to give a troubled child powerful drugs when no one can assure you that they will work or that they will do the child no harm. My experience has not given me an overwhelming faith in the medical community when it comes to child psychiatry (though I do have faith in the good intentions of some practitioners), nor reduced my wariness towards the pharma-industrial-health-insurance complex, which sanctions payment for potentially life-threatening therapies while refusing payment for more benign, nutrition-oriented options.

    If you don’t have time to read this post in its entirety but are wrestling with these decisions yourself, I invite you to jump straight to the comments section. I would love to be part of an ongoing discussion here regarding the alternatives we face and the consequences we must weigh when making decisions of this magnitude. – Matt

    **********

    My oldest son was always a handful. Often difficult to calm as an infant (“colicky,” they called it), he was the toddler who was always into everything. As he got older he was the kid who would hit other kids randomly at the playground or at daycare. When we had our second child, we had to be extra careful because you never knew when he was going to hit or throw something at his little brother. Play dates had to be closely managed and sometimes invitations were declined because the other child was afraid of my son.

    Things escalated to an official level when he was in first grade and his teacher began have difficulty controlling him. We asked that he be evaluated by the school system and it was uncovered that, in addition to some learning disabilities, he also suffered from some cognitive deficits related to “executive function,” that part of our brain, as I understand it, that helps us control our impulses as well as generalize and internalize rules drawn from personal experience.

    It took a long time to find an effective child psychiatrist. Eventually we met someone whom we trusted and who was able to establish a rapport with my son. After a few meetings this doctor diagnosed him with a “Mood Disorder (NOS)” – “NOS” means “Not Otherwise Specified” – and recommended that we begin administering our son risperidone.

    Deciding to give your child an “atypical anti-psychotic” which can cause “extrapyramidal effects (sudden, often jerky, involuntary motions of the head, neck, arms, body, or eyes), dizziness, hyperactivity, tiredness, abdominal pain, fatigue, fever and nausea” is not easy. Nor is it easy worrying when he might seriously injure his younger sibling or another child, or, frankly, when you might hurt him in an effort to restrain him. We started giving him drugs.

    Thanks to the “fatigue/tiredness” side-effect, my son started going to sleep a lot earlier and was more generally sedate so my wife, my younger son, and I got a kind of break. However, since the drug simultaneously increased his appetite while decreasing his energy levels, he began gaining weight. This concerned us, so we switched him to another drug, lamictal.

    Now, in rare cases, lamictal can cause a life-threatening rash, either in the form of the quaintly named “Stevens-Johnson Syndrome” or the more terrifyingly named, “Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis.” To ensure that these side-effects will not occur, you have to introduce lamictal fairly slowly which meant that he continued to take risperidone for several months even after we decided to make the switch.

    After about a year and a half, the lamictal (which I believe is an anti-epilepsy drug) seemed to be less and less effective at stabilizing my son’s mood and things got so bad that he had to be hospitalized. We then ran through a series of other drugs – geodon, topamax, zyprexa – finally landing on seroquel. Like risperidone, seroquel can also cause weight gain, and that’s just what it did. After several months of this, and not really seeing a marked decline in “mood lability,” we consulted our physician and decided to take the kid off drugs altogether.

    Now, I’d like to say that, miracle of miracles, my son got better. He didn’t. Still, he didn’t get much worse off the drugs – that is, until his school refusal and mega-meltdowns got so bad that he had to be admitted to the hospital again. The doctor there explained to us that the drugs our son was on take about two months to completely leave his system so it made sense, clinically speaking, that two months after we’d stop administering them we’d see a major regression, as we indeed had.

    Of course, the question then became: What do we do now? We’d pretty much exhausted the standard drugs prescribed for these cases and the primary remaining option, lithium, not only had side-effect issues of its own (requiring weekly blood draws to monitor), but would have to be taken for six weeks before we could tell if it was effective or not.

    Around this time, my wife  heard about an alternative therapy involving mega-doses of vitamins and minerals that was getting a lot of attention both in the mood disorder community and the medical establishment. So that’s the path we’ve been going down since February. I can’t say definitively that the therapy is more effective than the others we’ve tried, but it is not noticeably less effective and, as one doctor after another told us while we were considering it, “At least it can’t hurt.”

    Dealing with psychiatric problems in your child has a lot of complex and troubling layers; deciding the most appropriate medical treatment is just one of them. If there is any lesson to be drawn from the story I’ve told, it is this: Never stop questioning the recommendations you are receiving from doctors, especially if they don’t seem to be working (since you will, inevitably, be spending more time with your child than any doctor). Also, remember that there are a lot of people out there with the same challenges, questions, and problems. These people represent a community of experience and collective insight that it always behooves you to consult and contribute to.

    Image Courtesy of ark.

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    It Is OK To Play Hookey (Sometimes…)

    schule

    Kids love days off from school.  Snow days, religious holidays, hurricane days, water main breaks, power outages… anything to cause them to miss class is a cause celebre for any child.  Admit it, even you “cut” school at least once in your educational career. I did.  We all have!  Sometimes it is even at a parent’s prompting that a kid will skip class, and it usually leads to a memorable experience for both parent and child.  My dad let me cut school, and I did the same for my kids.  With a reason…

    E IS FOR EXPERIENCE

    I will never forget the time my dad told me he had to go to Washington D.C. for the day for a meeting and asked if I wanted to skip school and tag along. Yes! Of course I did. Back then there was an inexpensive “shuttle” flight from LaGuardia Airport to Washington D.C.  It was like an air bus – cheap tickets, no assigned seats, and there were regular hourly flights during the morning and evening “rush hours” making a commute to Washington for the day a breeze.

    A IS FOR ADVENTURE

    Brimming with excitement I joined my dad, thrilled to be the only kid on a morning plane full of tie-clad, newspaper reading business folk, wondering if someone would call me out and get me in trouble for not being in school. In Washington, my dad and I agreed on a time and place to meet in the afternoon, and while he was off in his meeting, I went off to explore the nation’s Capital (and I had a capital time doing so!) Having the trust of my dad to be “on my own” and the authority of my parent to be out of school it was a very special day, as I “played hookey” amidst the landmarks, monuments and museums.

    FROM THE WASHINGTON SHUTTLE TO THE SPACE SHUTTLE

    Years later I returned the favor to my own sons and invited them to “cut school” (and I cut work too!) The occasion, in October 1998,  was the launch of the Space Shuttle with the oldest astronaut, a childhood hero of mine, Senator John Glenn. The night before, after the kids were already asleep, a friend and I were on the phone talking about the launch when it dawned on us… we only live 4 hours away and neither of us had ever seen a space launch in person, and our boys would love it… let’s go! So at 2 am I woke up my sons with the news: no school today, we’re going to watch some history!  With no specific plan in mind, we rode off on our pre-dawn journey to the Kennedy Space Center (in my mind, Cape Canaveral).  Hours later, with images of Major Nelson and “I DREAM OF JEANNIE” filling my head, we passed signs for “Cocoa Beach” and arrived at the famed “Space Coast.”

    A BLAST-OFF AND A BLAST!

    We ended up paying to squeeze onto a fishing boat and we watched the launch from the water, drifting along the edge of the invisible restricted area, as close to the launch site as legally allowed. It was spectacular!  As the glorious bit of man-made technology rose up into the sky, burning a sun-bright path up, up and away, carrying its famous astronaut/politician/senior citizen payload, I looked at the awe-filled smiles on the faces of my sons as they craned their little necks and held their little hands above their eyes to shield them from the gaseous glare of massive, space bound thrust… I knew then that “cutting school” was a really, really good thing!

    How about you?  Have you ever let your kids cut school to share an adventure?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.


    Photo Credit: © Michael Kempf – Fotolia.com

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    Spy vs. Spy: When Siblings Spill The Beans…

    Is sibling rivalry alive and well in your home?  If you have more than one child, you are well aware of the many challenges of brotherly and sisterly love and the many levels (physical and emotional) at which siblings are prone to compete with each other, consciously and unconsciously.  As parents, one of our greatest innate skills is the ability to share our undivided and unequivocal love with all our children so that each are equally cherished and undeniably special in our eyes and theirs.  Kids, on the other hand, may take a while to develop similar skills.

    HE SAID, SHE SAID

    From the time they were toddlers, a mere thirty nine months apart from youngest to oldest, I have been amazed at the things, minor and major, that my three kids would squabble amongst themselves over.  As they grew older, disagreements and inane fighting turned to more competitive vying for mom and dad’s attention.  Now, as they are older, I find myself occasionally faced with a different type of sibling rivalry: squealing on each other.  Without betraying anyones’ confidence with any details I must admit that at one time or another each of my kids has come to me to “tell on” one of the others and reveal to me something I may not have been aware of.  Now, my kids are older and technically young adults, or on the verge of adulthood, so the kinds of things that are being squealed- er, revealed are, while of interest or concern to me, frankly, in some cases sort of “none of my business.”  In other cases, they are things I am concerned about, and want to perhaps comment on, but how can I do that without violating trust?

    CATCH -22

    Don’t get me wrong, my kids are not jailhouse “rats” singing like a birdie.  On the contrary, these are often things being told to me with good intentions out of love and concern for their brother or sister.  Still, while I appreciate the “inside” information, I am often in a quandary about what to do with these tidbits of acquired intelligence.  If I act upon it and reveal my knowledge to the “guilty” party, I risk exposing the “spy.”  On the other hand, if I ignore the data and do nothing, I may be letting bad decisions go unchecked, and I may be disappointing the child who was compelled to share the info, leading them to believe I don’t care, when indeed I do.  Damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.  A true “Catch-22.”

    What’s a parent to do?  How do you handle similar situations when one of your kids is acting as your “spy” on another?  I welcome your experiences, tips and suggestions in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Photo Ambiance – Fotolia.com

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    Worst of the Week: Spring Cleaning

    Welcome to my (semi) regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    It’s a minor miracle of sorts at the Marshall household – the kids have been good, very good. Homework is being done, the kids are watching a lot less TV (sans American Idol), they are paying attention in school and they are eating good healthy food without a fuss. That’s the main reason why I haven’t written a column in the past few weeks.

    I think the main reason is the gloomy Michigan weather has given way to warmer, sunnier days. Bike riding has started, basketball is being played on the driveway and Patrick has started baseball with fierce intensity.

    But there is one thing that I can harp on: their bedrooms are a complete mess, especially my daughters’. In part it’s OK. You see, in the winter we are all cooped up and cleaning can be done with ease because there’s nothing but cold outside and they spend a good amount of time playing or doing homework in their room.
    Now that it’s nicer outside, the last thing they want to do is hangout indoors. Plus there is more daylight, so by the time it’s time for bed all they want to do is crash and tell me that, ”they’ll take care of it tomorrow”. This is exactly what I told my Mom growing up. Mustafa had it right with that “Circle of Life” thing. Eventually it’ll get cleaned up or I’ll bribe them in some way, so I’m not to concerned at this point. But if I have to write the same column two weeks in a row, then we might have a problem.

    I admit I am being picky, but it’s something that struck me after the kids went to school – oh and they of course left their lights on, too. That’s something that irks me to no end. Having said all this, I may switch this column up from time to time with Best Of The Week. Not to gloat, mind you, but to share their challenges when it comes to their accomplishments. I’m sure many, if not all, of you will be able to relate.

    Now for those of you who were looking forward to a real Worst Of The Week – look under your kitchen sink and see if you come across a dead mouse, like I did on Wednesday. Nothing but nasty.

    (no picture this week because Erin’s room is rated NC-17)

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    Hit And Run Affection

    I found myself staring at my six kids as they milled around the breakfast table yesterday. It brought a smile to my face. So I said, “I love you guys.” They each turned their heads and smiled. It was a nice moment. Then my 8-year-old son said, “Where are you going?”

    Where am I going?

    I Love You

    I Love You

    That seemed like an odd question to me. So I asked, “Do I have to be going somewhere to tell you I love you?” He said no, but my mind was now in overdrive.

    I’m an overly affectionate guy, I think. I’m free with hugs, not just with my kids, but with everyone. I’m not afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve. And I want the people around me to know how much I appreciate them. Before yesterday morning, I would have told you that I randomly tell my children I love them more than the next guy. Clearly I was wrong.

    I realize now that the most common time for me to tell my kids I love them is when I’m about to walk into my office, or go to a meeting, or leave on a business trip. It’s hit and run affection. It’s become a parting phrase. I’ve made it a throw away, like, “see you later,” or “have a good day.” That’s not what I want it to be.

    My kids know I love them. I have no doubts about that. But his “where are you going” comment was a wake up call. I want my “I love you guys” expressions to be felt, not just heard. That’s going to require that I say it when I can stick around long enough to show it as well.

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    Curses! Soap Tastes Like $#*%!

    Curses!  It is clear that our society has become more and more accepting of what was once considered “foul language” (not to be confused with “gobble, gobble” or “tweet, tweet” which is a different kind of “fowl language”).  Words that were strictly verboten when I was a kid are now regularly spoken (and thus heard) on the radio, primetime television, and even on the evening news.  I can actually remember the days when unless you were clearly talking about a donkey you would not dare use the word “ass” in public, let alone on television!  Now that particular word is as commonplace as its heretofore unassuming common suffix, “hole,” and even the once shocking combination of those two words has weaved its way into fairly widespread acceptance in our mass media.  Please don’t take these observations as a condemnation as I am far from a friggin’ prude, and I have certainly been known to sprinkle in an occasional “f-bomb” for emphasis amidst my otherwise carefully chosen words.

    FROM OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES…

    As parents, this linguistic loosening of standards presents us with a particular challenge as we know our kids are exposed to such language and we witness words that we may use “among us adults” creep into their vocabulary.  Things you might hear with a smile at the office water cooler can make you cringe when heard from the mouths of babes… especially when they are YOUR babes!  This is bad when your kids are young, and frankly, it is just as hard when your kids are grown.  I still find myself admonishing my 20 year old to “clean up” his vocabulary, explaining that while it may be how all your friends talk, when you get used to it and it follows you into your school and professional conversation, it makes you sound, well, ignorant.

    “I’LL WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP!”

    Recently, at my office, someone placed a “curse jar” in the conference room and we started a policy of contributing $1.00 to the “beer and snacks” fund every time someone “cursed” during a meeting.  As I watched the greenbacks rising within the jar, I was reminded of my own attempts to clean up our verbal acts in my household a few years back.  At the time, I stepped into the trap of the old standard “washing your mouth out with soap” and stepped it up a notch by threatening that “the next time someone in this house curses they will have to take a bite out of a bar of soap!”  As fate would have it (and much to the delight of my three children), it was I who first slipped and let forth a forbidden word.  As my three kids admonished, “DAD!” in unison, I realized with dread that I had no choice but to teach by example and live by the rules I had just set an hour or so ago…

    SOAP BITES!

    Kids in tow, we marched to the nearest bathroom, and after much hesitation and even more “cheering on” by my giggling brood, I did the deed.  I picked up a semi-sudsy bar of Irish Spring and took a taste, leaving a healthy set of teeth marks where I bit off my punishment.  With kids laughing to tears and me making wrinkled faces of pain and disgust, I chewed, swallowed…. and promptly vomited in the sink!  Needless to say, laughter quickly turned to hysteria as the kids saw their dad suffer the pains of the profanity once spoken.

    If you should ever meet or speak with me, be forewarned that I may well drop a few curse words in our adult conversation, but rest assured it will be a long time before I drop a bomb in front of my kids… they have the soap ready and waiting!

    How about you?  How do you deal with the curse of commonplace cursing???

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © red2000 – Fotolia.com

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    The Place "Where Dreams Come True"

    I just returned from a family vacation that included two days at Disney World.  Our oldest daughter Carly, turned six in February, and this was our present to her.  Like most parents of six-year-olds, we are trying to teach her the value of a dollar, and appreciation for the things people do for her and give to her. This lesson often takes place in a store, with me crouched down to eye level of about four feet, trying to logically reason with a loudly whining girl that really, really wants something.  What gives kids the idea that adding “pretty” to please makes it better anyway?  I’ve never seen an ugly please, but my daughter can pretty-up a please with a cherry on top as good as anyone.

    So what better place to teach your kids some old fashion values than the happiest place on earth?  I’ve taught Carly what an advertisement is.  She knows that toys are rarely as cool as they look on TV, and that a Happy Meal isn’t health food just because you choose apples instead of fries.  She should be able to see through and resist the efforts of what is possibly the greatest branding and marketing entity in the world, right?  Actually, all things considered, she did great.

    Carly is in a big Princess phase right now, so seeing my daughter meet Cinderella, Ariel, Belle and Aurora was pretty big treat for me.  Hey, I get it.  I’m from Miami, and I met Larry Czonka when I was six, and I still talk about it.  Sure, the first day at Disney was really hot and humid, and for some reason the baby was not a big fan of waiting in a line for 50 minutes to go on It’s A Small World.  You have to expect and plan for these sort of days to be stressful.

    Some of us parents did this better than others.  Disney is a long day, especially in March.  Each line is about an hour, so if you don’t plan things right you’re in trouble.  Unless you can afford to spend a week there, if the kids are going to see all the cool stuff they’re going to be staying up past their bed time. There is that cool Electric Light Parade at 8:00, and then a really impressive fireworks show at 9:00.  Carly is usually in bed by 8:00, but she had no problems staying up later than she ever has in her life.  Want a secret from a Disney veteran?  Go on the big rides during the Electric Light Parade.  The lines disappear.

    So the second night was the really late night.  We had to get in everything we missed the day before.  We didn’t plan to stay up that late, we just looked up, and there was the parade.  So we headed to Pirates of the Caribbean.  No line.  Awesome.  The next thing you know, there were fireworks going off.  Time is a different thing on vacation.  Not for the baby, of course.  If my wife didn’t get her back to the hotel by 7, she would have definitely turned into the loudest, most unhappy pumpkin there.  We are lucky to be able to team up on things like this.

    This is when I realized we never got the ears with her name stitched on the back.  Doh!  They sell the ears everywhere, but they only do the stitching at one store.  The quest begins.  It is in the front of the park, and there was a half an hour wait for the stitching.  So we walk around the store (which is like 5 stores actually) so she could pick out another souvenir.  Our rule is that souvenirs are bought at the end of things.  The reason: I don’t want to carry anything around all day.  The way I sell it:  You need to see everything people have, so you are not disappointed by getting the wrong thing.  Try it.  It works.

    It’s about 10:00 PM, and that is when I notice it.  All around me, throughout the store, crying kids and angry parents.  The happiest place on earth, the place where dreams come true, has beaten them.  The kids make sense.  It’s late, they’ve been walking all day, they’re kids.  I understand the angry parents too.  You’ve been walking all day, waiting in lines, you dropped $50 on lunch alone and your ungrateful kid has the nerve to be upset that you won’t spend $75 for a princess dress or a stuffed animal?  But that’s the thing.  You went there for your kids.  You took them into the store to pick something out.  You need to set expectations and set boundaries before they have the melt down.  You don’t avoid problems in the Superbowl of toy stores without lots of practice.  Even then, you may get the melt down.  At that hour, you can’t hold your young child responsible for loosing it.  You need to keep your cool.

    Grabbing your crying child by the arm and screaming, “Answer me already! Do you want the blue one or the white one?!”  isn’t how you want to end your day.  Any day.  But especially your day at the Magic Kingdom.  Carly made me proud that night.  She was told, No, and, Sorry but we just can’t afford that, and she got it.  She has heard these words before.  Our time at Disney was as special for our daughter as we had hoped it would be.  She was genuinely appreciative, and for that, I give thanks.

    Ian Gordon is the father of two young daughters (Carly 6, and Sydney, 15 months). He has a blog and podcast at Startup Daddy

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    Finger Licking Good!

    No, I am NOT talking about Kentucky Fried Chicken!  Instead of poultry I am here to talk about dentistry!  At South By Southwest last week (SXSW for those who prefer acronyms) I was talking with Dad-O-Matic founder Chris Brogan and he mentioned that he was having trouble getting his young son to embrace the concept of brushing his teeth.  I remembered a trick I had used in the past, and frankly, I cannot remember if it is a trick I used with my own children, or with the kids in my bunk as a Camp Counselor.  In any event, I think it is a good tip to make brushing teeth fun, and therefore I herewith share it with you, my dentally challenged Dad-O-Matic readers.

    TOOTHBRUSH?  WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ TOOTHBRUSH

    If your young child gives you a hard time about regularly using his or her toothbrush and is therefore delinquent in their dental duties I recommend the following: remove the toothbrush from the equation!  Take your kid’s favorite flavored toothpaste and spread it on the tip of their forefinger.  Then encourage them to “brush without the brush,” rubbing their finger all over their teeth, and making a good old mess of their mouth.  It is fun, tasty, and while it is probably not as effective against plaque as the bristles of a brush, it is infinitely better than not brushing at all.  Eventually the fun of the finger will wear off, along with the fear of brushing, and your child will continue the daily dental routine with a proper toothbrush.

    Try it and tell me how it goes!  What other creative dental deviations have you tried with your kids to get them to brush and floss on a regular basis?  Please share your own tooth tips in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit © Bogdan Dumitru – Fotolia.com

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    The Wonder Years

    We were at Grandma’s house, in the pool, just me and seven-year-old Zachary.

    I had tripped across Fred Savage’s page on Facebook earlier in the day. And was reflecting on The Wonder Years’ finale, “Independence Day.”

    And it occurred to me that these are Zachary’s Wonder Years.

    I said to Zachary, “One day you’ll be away at college. One day your brother will have a job. And you’ll remember how you used to take a bath with him.”

    I asked, “What will you remember about your Wonder Years?”

    He replied, “How you used to tuck me in all the time.”

    Still makes me watery-eyed.

    How will your children remember their Wonder Years?
    And what are you doing to shape and reinforce those memories?

    Click the image to watch this touching video.

    Good luck from a fellow Dad,
    :: Joe Hage ::

    Other posts from Joe Hage:

    Dad’s Life Lessons on the Wall

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #2

    Tweet Your Kids

    Emploment Opprotunities

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    When The Bus Stop Stops…

    Thanks to the annual wonders of Daylight Savings Time it is still dark out when I wake up at 5:30 in the morning.  The start of day routines take on a quiet and almost eerie feeling with the misty morning moonlight casting it’s glare as I walk the dogs, rub my eyes and text my daughter “R U Up?”  Olivia has to be at the school bus stop at 6:27 am and though it is only a block away and takes 5 minutes, our daily dawn walk to the corner is consistently one of the highlights of my day.  We joke and catch up on things with a surrounding stillness that makes the moment very special, as if we are the only two people that matter for those few brief minutes.  An arm around her shoulder and a kiss on the cheek are not uncommon.

    THIS TOO SHALL PASS…

    With her two older brothers already in college, and the likelihood that her senior year in High School will find her driving to school rather than taking the bus, I realize that my days are numbered and in a few more months yet another vestige of my kids’ childhood, and a pure joy of fatherhood, will slip away from me.  I do not look forward to when the bus stop stops…

    What are your special moments with your kids? What simple routines do you cherish? Please share your “bus stop walks” in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Antonio Nunes – Fotolia.com

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    It’s Your Kid Calling… Now What???

    Ahhh, the ubiquitous mobile phone… the blessing and curse of our modern society.  As a parent, it is a blessing since we can always have the comfort of knowing we are just a phone call away from an instant connection with our children.  As a parent, it is a curse because now that we have such a lifeline to our offspring, we never want to be without our phone just in case our kids need us.  As a result we will often keep our phones with us, and on, in situations where we might have been better off leaving the phone behind.

    WORKUS INTERRUPTUS

    If you are a working parent, I am sure you have been in this situation: You are right in the middle of either…

    a) A meeting with your boss where you are singing your praises to impress her/him…
    b) The best client pitch you have ever given, and you are just about to convince them to sign on the dotted line…
    c) Going to the bathroom…
    d) A crowded business lunch, seated in the corner of a booth, barely able to raise your fork, let alone discreetly step away to have a private phone call…

    …When all of a sudden your phone rings and you know (by the ringtone or caller ID) that it is one of your kids.  What’s a parent to do?  Do you answer immediately and miss the a) raise b) deal c) flush d) meal???  Or do you ignore the call and risk sending your beloved child the message that there are other things more important than them, or worse, miss finding out that there really is a problem and they need your help?  Can you spell S-T-R-E-S-S ?

    THE SASS SYSTEM

    Here is what I do.  I am at work all day, and I travel a lot for business.  My phone is essentially permanently fused to my hand so my kids know I always have it with me and they can, in theory, always reach me.  That said, I cannot always answer their call, but I want them to be able to get my attention if in fact it is an emergency.  With that in mind, I have asked my three kids to abide by the following guidelines:  If you call me and I do not answer, it means I am busy.  I will call you back as soon as I can.  If it is IMPORTANT, either text me the problem, or CALL AGAIN.  If you call me two times in a row, that will be the signal that it cannot wait, and I will answer the second call, no ifs ands or buts (unless I am on a plane, but you should know my flight schedule).  This simple system seems to work well, and the kids seem to know when or if something warrants the two calls in a row “important” signal.

    IGNORE A CALL… NICELY

    One last tip:   Most “smartphones” have a function that allows you to ignore an incoming call and send out a “canned” text message to the caller.   I use this feature frequently and with one click can ignore a call and send the caller an SMS message that says, “Sorry I can’t answer your call right now. I will call you back soon. If it is important, please text me.”

    How about you?  What is your system, if any, for managing calls from your kids?  Please share your own tips in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Svetlana Privezentseva – Fotolia.com

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    Personal Finance Transparency

    Transparency is a hot topic among investors, whether talking about the financial well-being of public companies, investment funds, or executive compensation.  But have you thought about how transparency factors into your personal financial life?

    Most of us have suffered significant financial setbacks, ranging from investment holdings to the equity in our homes.  There’s not much you can do about those losses at this point, but you can do something to reduce the stress that you and your spouse may be feeling.  I find that very few couples do a good job communicating about their personal finances, which results in one or both parties shouldering a greater burden or feeling more in the dark than they would like.  And this puts a lot of stress on a marriage.

    About fifteen years ago, I made a big mistake.  On a business trip, I heard a story on CNN that suggested that Microsoft was on the brink of some big problems.  We had a small investment in Microsoft, and in an effort to protect that investment, I made the decision to sell it – without consulting my wife.  It turns out that the stock never suffered the way that news story had suggested it might, and in the late 1990s the stock made some big gains and my rash move was exposed.  After my wife asked me how much our Microsoft investment had appreciated, I had to admit that I had sold it, costing us thousands of dollars in the process.  I didn’t look so smart, and more important, she felt betrayed.

    We made an agreement that we would not make significant financial decisions without consulting each other. We created a family “finance committee” and since that time, every time I want to buy or sell something, we sit down together and I make an argument in the context of our current financial condition.  She always asks tough questions (despite the fact that she was not very sophisticated on financial matters when we started) and she generally accepts my recommendations, but the critical things is that we are partners in our shared financial life.

    Being partners has a couple important benefits for our marriage.  First, we make better decisions when we collaborate.  Second, we share responsibility for the outcomes – good and bad – which means that she is never in the dark about where we stand.  And this eliminates a lot of the tension that inevitably results when one party knows a lot less than the other.

    Many of us (generally the husbands) operate under the false impression that shielding our wives from the details of our family finances will reduce stress.  That’s not the case.  My wife and I have been well-served by sharing knowledge and responsibility for our financial life and I urge you to do the same.  Here’s what you can do:

    • Sit down and review your financial situation:  Cash in the bank, investments, equity in your home, as well as liabilities like mortgages, credit card debt, and any other liabilities you may have.
    • Review your budget together.  It is much more effective than criticizing spending or issuing edicts on regular expenditures.
    • Obtain agreement on any significant financial move before you make it.

    It may not recover the value you have lost over the last 6-12 months, but it will make your marriage stronger.

    For more of John’s musings on fatherhood, marriage, and parenting, visit his blog.

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    Worst of the Week: Opportunities

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    2009 isn’t going as well for me as I had hoped. You see, last year I applied at a major auto company for a job that I felt that I was well qualified for. I also had a good connection and I had brushed up on a few things that I was shaky at so I would be fully prepared on my first day at work. Sure, I may have been a bit over confident, but in-lue of everything that has gone on in Detroit lately, I had to stay positive and upbeat.

    Then I got the dreaded e-mail from my contact. I didn’t get the job. They went with someone else for whatever reason. Like anyone in a similar position, I was very disappointed. I really thought that I was a good fit, with tremendous ideas and eager to share. Now, of course, the company won’t be able to utilize my talent and I’m back where I started.

    But springtime is in the air and some new opportunities have come my way that will allow me to give back. One of them is that I volunteered to be the new Commissioner of Girls Softball for our city league. This is exciting, because I get to have full reign and decision making, not to mention I’ll be able to watch over Erin who will be starting this summer. Secondly, I’ll be one of the coaches of Patrick’s baseball team (something that I did last year and loved every minute of).

    Also, I just got a call that I’m the front runner to be the host and producer of a corporate podcast. I already do one for a different company, but this second one will give me more resources and greater exposure. Here I go again being over confident.

    So, when the world gives you lemons; make lemonade – and toss a shot of vodka in there too.

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    Making Time Is Not Wasting Time

    Sunday is traditionally the day of rest, but it’s usually spent catching up on all those projects we promised to get to over the weekend. The kids can’t stay up late, so there’s a tighter Sunday night bedtime for most folks, and you can’t stay up late because you probably have work to get to in the morning. That’s why Sunday afternoons are usually a blur for me. As they say, so much to do, so little time. Throw church into your Sunday morning or a game later in the day and you have the fixings for a hectic day of “rest”

    Today was a Sunday like any other. My wife was taking a nap. I was running around working on a todo list filled with family photos & videos waiting to be edited, organized, and put up on the family website for eager relatives back East. We were down one daughter because she was en route from a Irish Dance competition in New Mexico, and the sixteen & ten year old were working on the chores they should have finished on Saturday. That left only the seven year old.

    She was bored, wild, and getting into mischief — one reason I call her the Brownie. I usually would bellow at her to settle down, but something was different today. I overheard her misreading a sign earlier and had her learning disabilities on my mind. Uncharacteristically, I climbed into the disaster area she calls a bedroom and dug out a book for her to read. Then I invited her to sit down on the couch with me and read it out loud.

    Like most kids her age, she had memorized the book and recited the text from each page as she confidently flipped through the story. I made her go back and start working out the words for herself. She was frustrated at first; she doesn’t like to confront difficult tasks that make her mind work. However, with words of encouragement and a positive tone in my voice, the frustration she experienced was transformed into a grin of accomplishment as she began to read for herself.

    This was time well spent, and perhaps the start of something new to do each Sunday instead of hustling around. Despite all the things I had to do today, I can’t think of a more important item to check off than to spend time with this little girl.

    Douglas Cootey is a married, full time dad raising four girls in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah who has long ago overcome his aversion to the color Pink. Douglas blogs about overcoming AD/HD & Depression with humor & pluck over at the award winning A Splintered Mind.  He also co-produces a podcast with his 17 year old daughter. The random thoughts of his addled mind can be found at DouglasCootey and SplinteredMind over on Twitter.

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    Divorce Is Funny…

    If you have been reading the articles I have written for Dad-O-Matic over the past 5 months or so you may have gleaned that I am divorced and that my three kids, who are now 20, 18 and 17, live with me.  I am not sure I have ever directly stated that in my writing, but the hints are there.  Perhaps I never stated it outright because even after 7 years, part of me feels guilty that we were unable to provide our kids with the perfect two parent household we imagined as the only eventuality when we walked down the aisle.

    CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

    Divorce is not really funny.  In fact it is really difficult, stressful, painful, and if you have children, incredibly full of guilt and wild emotion.  It is without question the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  Life, however, is full of complication, challenges and surprises, and we learn and grow from all of them, divorce included.  While divorce may not be funny, I am pleased to say that divorcees can indeed retain their sense of humor, as evidenced by this email I recently received from my ex-wife, Lorraine (re-printed with permission):

    Hi

    Was reading your Sassholes/Dad O Matic blogs.  Sometimes I read them to catch up on the kids.  Nice pix of Zachary at his restaurant. I am filing a grievance. EVERYBODY gets a plug on your blogs; Zachary, Ethan, Olivia, your Mom and Dad, Grandpa, Opa, Oma (she liked me!), Alex (a/k/a daughter’s boyfriend) Sue, Emeril, even the Popeil Fisherman. People reading your blogs would think that all three kids were adopted or that you gave birth to them yourself.  There’s a blog on Dad o Matic about divorce but it doesn’t have your name on it.  Seriously, you have pix of you and the boys at Halloween….who took the picture? You became a vegetarian because of who?; you told people ‘there’s no meat in cookies’ at a vegetarian seminar in Nyack that someone signed up for; who bought the spinning dresses? I’ve been obliterated from all memory. A good portion of your subject matter occurred during our marriage. I don’t believe there’s even a ‘we’ when referring to raising ‘your’ children.  I helped raise them too. I demand an honorable mention! I’ll settle for mean and revenge-full if I have to! Or even a heart-wrenching story about how I died in childbirth. Your next blog should be about the time you drove yourself to Mount Sinai Hospital in the middle of the night at 90 miles an hour while you were in labor.

    Of course, Lorraine is right… I did not drive myself to the hospital when I was in labor… she was there with me!  But seriously folks… it takes two to get divorced and it takes two to bring children into this world.  Even though too many of us may end up apart from the other parent of our children, it does not, and should not, diminish their role, or their importance.  My wonderful kids have two wonderful parents, and I am grateful for them, and that.  While our marriage may not have lasted, it resulted in three very special people that we are both extremely proud of (and who, for better of worse, have all inherited their parents’ sense of humor!)

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Lotfi Mattou – Fotolia.com

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    Worst of the Week: 60 Minutes With Three Female 6-Year-Olds

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    Every week on Thursday Erin has ballet with a group of three girls that includes the girls riding the bus to the designated home it happens to be each week. The issue is that they get home at 4 and class is not until 5 – what to do for 60 minutes?

    Why Gel Gems and Rice Krispie treats of course!

    Patty had the brilliant idea of putting the girls to work (so to speak) by having them put up St. Patrick’s Day theme Gel Gems on the windows. The girls had a fun time and put them in all sorts of crazy positions. In between they had black and white Rice Krispie treats (a mix of both Regular and Cocoa – very yummy). They then got changed, gathered up their stuff and then Patty drove them to class.

    All in all, a quick time filler; sure they could have played Wii or watched TV, but I think this was time better spent.

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    The Dreaded Phone Call

    “Dad, I was in an accident…”  As I listened to my son’s voice cracking, holding back tears, a thousand thoughts shot through my mind, none of them very encouraging… many of them more like prayers than thoughts.  It was 6:15 am, and Zach had just left the house to drive to school a few minutes ago.  What had happened?  My racing thoughts came back into focus in time to hear him say, “I’m ok.  I’m not hurt…” and then he could no longer hold back his tears and it was my turn to try and hold back mine.

    MOMENTS COUNT

    This story has a happy ending and my son is fine.  His car is a total loss, but that was the only thing damaged.  As I write this, I know that some of you who are reading may have also once received such a phone call, and you may not have had as fortunate a result.  If that is your story my heart goes out to you.  While I cannot begin to fathom the pain of your loss, I can, for a moment, understand the sheer fear of uncertainty in that horrible second when you are forced to wonder “is my child ok?”

    THE HUMAN CONDITION

    As human beings, we take risks every day.  We get in trains, planes and automobiles.  We eat things that may get us sick.  We don’t always pay attention when we should be careful.  As parents, the personal risks we may take are compounded by the simple, ever-present knowledge that our children are also human, and also take risks.  With three children of driving age, fear of the “accident” phone call is something that is always gnawing away somewhere deep inside me, and I realize how lucky we are that when it did just rear it’s ugly head, it did so without any serious consequences.  However, I am once again reminded how important it is to love and appreciate our children and make sure they know it, always, and all the time.

    WHAT’S NEXT?

    Nobody knows what is next.  We all know what is now.  Make the most of it.  We live in a world where guns go off, planes fall from the sky and accidents happen.  I realize how lucky my son and my family are, and how a very slight twist of fate might have caused a much worse outcome.

    I gave my son a big hug.  You should do the same with your kids.  Just because…

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Don't Be Afraid Of Change!

    I drive carpool most mornings lately.

    I do it because it gets me out of the house and on my way to the gym. It works. And we have a very specific routine in the mornings. That routine includes what streets we take to get to the school. It’s all very predictable. We never deviate from the path.

    Except for today.

    This morning, as I approached the corner where we make our usual left-hand turn into the drop-off line, the cars were backed up more than normal. In the moment, I decided to take a different route to try and circumvent the delay. My three sons said nothing, but one of the neighbor kids screamed out, “what are you doing? You can’t go this way!”

    He was freaked out. I wish I were exaggerating. He was seriously strained. I attempted to calm him down with, “Hey, this might be faster.” But he wasn’t buying it. “Have you ever gone this way before?,” he asked. “Nope. Never. But it’s worth a try,” I replied.

    “It’s not going to be faster,” he kept repeating. Then I said, “Don’t be afraid of change!” I repeated that phrase to him several times until he stopped asking me questions. “Don’t be afraid of change!” But when we got back to the spot we were headed in the first place, he said with great pride, “See, it wasn’t any faster.”

    He was right. It wasn’t any faster. It was just different. And it was still worth the shot, in my mind. My kids didn’t care. They said, “Nice try, Dad.”

    I wondered why my kids didn’t react the same way or join in the questioning. It didn’t take me long to figure it out. They’re used to it. They enjoy what we call,  “adventure days.” These are days we pile them in the truck and head out with no specific course or objective in mind. We just go explore and stop wherever it feels right. They’ve come to expect the unexpected from me and my wife. So, they didn’t react at all to the change. That makes me happy.

    The world is changing fast. I want my kids to be able to roll with the change, try new things, not be afraid to take a new path. I think our “adventure days” have helped.

    What things do you do to help your kids embrace change?

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    Autism: Advocating For Your Kid

    In my first article for Dadomatic I talked about recognizing the signs of autism, and in my second I talked about dealing with the diagnosis.  Well, this is my third in, shall we call it a trilogy (sounds both pretentious and cool, not unlike myself….) about the disorder my son has, autism.

    We are very lucky.  Our son Jon, 7, has autism, but he also goes to what seems to be the best prepared school in our city for dealing with special needs kids.  Jon has a full time educational assistant (EA) in the classroom and he is doing well.  

    Early on though we had to fight some.  We wanted Jon to get speech therapy (which he now gets, and his therapist is excellent) and we ran in to quite the road block, or series thereof.  We had to get on waiting lists, we had to get an official diagnosis, and we had to navigate the system.  The problem here is that we were not only dealing with a bureaucratic nightmare, we also were dealing with the fact that we had a special needs kid.  My wife basically came up with a plan of attack that involved not only getting him on the autism “list” but also on the list of kids that just needed speech therapy.  This seemed to work.  She has a history degree, which might explain this classic pincer movement which is so effective in battle, but I digress…  It seems we put enough pressure on the system to get Jon his therapy.  

    More recently, an acquaintance of mine needed to get a diagnosis for her child.  It seemed pretty clear to her and me that her son was on the autism spectrum.  Indeed, he has all of the classic signs of Asperger’s Syndrome.  At issue was the fact that she had moved from one province to another and did not have our local health insurance, and still had insurance from the province she recently moved from.  The functionaries at the local office of OHIP (our provincial insurer) came up with a reason that I need not go in to, to tell her she could not yet get insurance and had to stick with her out of province insurance.  The problem here is that to get help she needed for her son, she had to have an OHIP card for him.  She was understandably distraught.  I advised her to call our MPP and explain the story.  Well, the MPP intervened and now her son will get the help he needs.

    These stories lead to a few bits of advice, which the reader can take or leave:

    1. Ask for help from those with experience.  You can find people that have gone through the same thing as you are now, they are often happy to help, and know a lot of shortcuts.  How do you find such people?  Through local support groups.

    2. Social workers can help too.  Most of us think social workers are there to help people that are not like us, you know, umm, people like Cletus on the Simpsons.  They do help folks like that, but they are also trained in how to navigate complex bureaucracies.  We ended up getting some quite useful help from a social worker.

    3. If you have a partner, work with him or her, and listen to all ideas.  I admit I was not too keen on my wife’s idea about putting Jon on different lists to get therapy, but it is hard to argue with success.  You would think that after 20 years I would have learned to listen more closely to her…

    4. Do not take “no” for an answer.  This is your kid, do not believe it when you are told “it can’t be done”, just find another way.

    In closing, I learned some of these things through experience, and some of them by watching my parents advocate for me when I was young (I am legally blind).  In 1970 I started school and the principal asked my Mom “don’t you think your son should be in a special school?”  She replied with an emphatic “NO” which ended the discussion.  Thanks Mom and Dad.

    Dr. Dave Brodbeck is a professor of psychology at Algoma University in Sault Ste. Marie ON.  He is married, and has two great kids.  Dave is the host of Why? The Science Show For Kids, thunderbird six, and co hosts Broca’s Area and Tangential Convergence. He can be found on twitter, usually making sarcastic comments.

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    Everything I Know About Parenting I Learned At Summer Camp!

    Ok, not everything… but an awful lot.  From ages 15 – 19 I worked as a summer Camp Counselor at Camp Winadu in Pittsfield, Mass (where I had also been a camper from age 10).  In addition, during the non-summer months I continued working as a counselor in New York City for a childrens play group, Shelley’s All-Stars, which was also run by the owner of Camp Winadu.  I had a lot of great, challenging and funny experiences working with children over those years, and learned many tips and tricks that certainly prepared me for being a dad and shaped some of the ways I have approached my own journey into fatherhood.  I could probably fill an entire blog just with stories from my Winadu/All-Stars days, but instead I think I will occasionally share some “Summer Camp Confidential” tales with you here at Dad-O-Matic.  I will start with…

    JUNK IN THE TRUNK? WHAT PARENTS ARE PACKING!

    Each summer, the counselors would arrive at camp a few days before the kids did for our staff orientation.  When I was a counselor for the youngest group of campers, 6 and 7 year-olds, one of our duties was to unpack in advance for the kids in our bunk.  We did this since they were really too young to do so for themselves, and also, as they were mostly first-time campers at that age, we believed their transition to “sleep away” camp would be easier if upon their arrival they already found their familiar things on their beds and in their “cubbyholes.”  For us counselors, unpacking the standard issue camp trunks that had been shipped ahead was our first introduction to the kids who would shortly be in our charge for the next 4 – 8 weeks.  It was always fun and fascinating to “meet” our kids through the experience of unpacking their clothes and belongings, and it was amazing how accurately we could predict what a kid was going to be like, just by what was in their trunks and how their trunks were packed.

    READING PANTS INSTEAD OF PALMS…

    If the trunk was not new, and the official camp “uniforms” were well-washed and worn, we knew the kid was a repeat camper or had older siblings who had been to camp before.  If virtually everything in the trunk was un-opened and brand new, we knew the parents, or quite possibly a nanny or other “employee” had simply called a camp supply store and ordered everything remotely from a catalog.  There was nothing that would be familiar to the child.  No personal touch.  From our perspective, it was clear that the “all new” kid was going to be a handful and the “hand me down” kid was going to be a breeze.  Other indicators were toys and games.  Some kids had books, and sports equipment.  Others had expensive or inappropriate toys that would most certainly get lost, broken, or cause jealous conflicts amongst the bunk mates.  Some trunks seemed as though they were thrown together as an afterthought, with dirty and torn items tossed in unfolded, with no regard for the list of basics that every camper needed to bring.  Other trunks were a perfect mix of old and new items, complete with a “special” toy or a worn “blankie” that the wise parents knew would give their son some welcome comfort in their absence and without the familiarity of home. Those were usually the trunks that also had some handwritten “surprise” notes saying “I LOVE YOU” or “HAVE FUN” as well as some pictures of family and pets.  Some parents completely disregarded the “rules” and sent ahead trunks filled with cookies, candy and other “contraband.”  As we unpacked, we learned as much about our kids as we did about their parents, and invariably our “predictions” as to which parents would be nice and which would be… er, not as nice, were proven mostly spot-on come visiting day.

    DOES CLOTHING MAKE THE KID???

    After having this experience at camp, when I had kids of my own and they were young enough that their mom and I were in control of what they wore and what they owned, I think I was much more conscious about selecting things that were age and personality appropriate and that presented my kids in ways that reflected both who they really were, and who we wanted them to be.  I didn’t want people to take a look at my child and think, “Sheesh, what were the parents thinking!??” as I thought all too often myself as I unpacked those tell-tale camp trunks.  How about you?  If you’ve ever sent your kids away to camp, what kind of “packer” are you?  How much thought do you give to your kids dress and “stuff” and what it may mean to everyone else?  What about every day, and not just for camp?  Please add your thoughts in the comments, or if you prefer, send me packing!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: www.thetrunkfactory.com

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    Work in Progress – Healthy Weight Loss Tips

    IMG_9760

    This is the second in a new series of posts about living a healthier based on my wife and my experiences this past year. The first post, Work In Progress, shared my favorite tip. Today I’d like to share a secret, you can have dessert.

    You Can Have Ice Cream.

    Lots of people lose their focus on their health because they still love ice cream. That’s what they think anyway. The truth is that many families that are generally healthy and trim enjoy a good dessert now and then.

    A big part of my wife’s success this past year hasn’t been that she gave up ice cream, or other desserts. It’s that she’s not beating herself up that she still enjoys those things. But isn’t ice cream a diet killer. I know that’s what you’re asking. The answer is no.

    The key to being able to have ice cream or that piece of cheese cake is twofold. First off it’s about not just ignoring that craving, but planning on satisfying it.

    Many moms and dads feel that if they have ice cream or cake that they’ll blow their diet. Because of this they often go cold turkey on those things, and sadly, bring their kids along for the no frills ride. A growing group though, our family included, has begun to not only include those desserts on occasion but plan to have them.

    Now planning doesn’t mean you stock up the fridge with 10 gallons of your favorite chocolate overload brand ice cream. Planning means that you pick a day for that indulgence. Make Saturday party night and stop at your favorite ice cream parlor. Focus not on the not having but on the fun of that evening. For us this has been a good way to anticipate going out with friends is the chance to try a new dessert together.

    A second part beyond planning for these delectable tidbits is realizing that it’s normal. Whether it’s your upbringing, your genes, your clan, or your religion, you love a good sweet now and then. Honestly, a little sweet stuff doesn’t hurt most folks. People all over the world enjoy a bit of sugar now and then, your doctor and dietician included. So get over the guilt!

    So what’s your favorite dessert? Is it ice cream? Cheesecake? Chocolate cake?

    Don’t deny yourself; own that craving, bend it to your will, and plan for it.

    Besides, your kids will thank you later. ;)

    Amplify

    Re-Entry After a Long Trip

    Me and the Boy I travel. Lots. I will travel more in 2009 than I have in my life to date. And yet, I have to maintain a relationship with my wife, my daughter, and my son. It requires every bit as much planning as it would for your business meetings. Here’s what I do for re-entry.

    Make it Clean

    Dad showing up from a long trip and still on the phone isn’t a very nice first sight. Be there and be open and ready to make a personal human connection. Don’t have the trip still in your head when you’re hugging and kissing and saying hello. (Confession: I blew this yesterday. I had a conference call scheduled for 20 minutes after my family picked me up, so I felt bad about that).

    Go Big

    If you’ve been away for a while, maybe take the family out to eat, or make them their favorite meal. Of course you’re tired. Yes, you need to do that expense report and type in all the business cards, and the like. But that’s got to come next. They’ve already given you some days away. Connect back up with them in a nice way. Make it as memorable that you’ve returned as it was a drag that you had to leave. Not every time, mind you, but enough that it’s not a distant memory.

    Go Deep

    My little boy likes skin-on-skin connectivity. He wants to feel his Daddy up close. My daughter likes to rough house and play hard because that’s what she and I do together that she can’t do with Mommy. I give each of them individual attention, and that means making sure I blend it in well. Go deep in what you give your family. Give them what they want, not what you think is a nice way to reconnect. Be personalized and personable. You’d do it for a client.

    Notice the Good Things

    If ever this post were a note for myself, it’d be in this column. I get home and I tend to bicker about little things being wrong. I’ll find stuff strewn about, or I’ll complain about an errant piece of laundry not in the hamper. What would be better would be to leave all those details for another time. One time, out of the several trips I take, I’ll get this one right.

    What I’d rather do is notice the good things: point out that I’m so happy to see my wife, that I’m glad to be home, and that it’s great to be back in my own bed.

    What about you? What other tips or ideas do you have for re-entry? Do you have any rituals?

    Amplify

    TransPARENTcy!

    Quite a bit has been written about the risks of our children being a bit too transparent with their lives online.  Horror stories abound about the perils of kids posting embarrassing or incriminating pictures on their MySpace and Facebook pages.  Primetime news shows are giving significant air time to controversial trends such as tweens and teens “sexting” risque pictures of themselves to each other via their mobile phones.  As parents, we have debated the pros and cons of visiting our children’s personal pages to see firsthand how our digital darlings are presenting themselves to the world at large.  Should you “friend” your kids on MySpace and Facebook?  Should you visit their sites and follow them on their social networks?  Are their status messages meant for a parent’s prying eyes?  There are strong and fervent opinions on both sides of the “parents friending their children” fence.  But what about the other side?  What about YOUR digital droppings???  Do your kids read your blog???

    IS IT GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IF THE KIDS TAKE A GANDER?

    Let’s take a moment to look at the other side.  The advent of the internet, blogs and social media has not just changed the landscape for our children.  If you are reading this you are probably very familiar with the world of blogging.  There is a good chance you have a blog of your own, and an even better chance you are dabbling digitally with an account on Facebook, Twitter, Friendfeed, etc.  Do your kids read your blog?  Do they follow you on Twitter?  Do you want them to?  Just as we must teach our kids to be thoughtful and considerate about what they do and don’t share online, perhaps we have to think about our own online output.

    THE PARENT AS A PERSON

    I am assuming that as a faithful reader of a fine blog such as Dad-O-Matic you are an excellent online citizen, and, save for the occasional drunken Tweet, your online trail does not contain anything you wouldn’t want your own kids to see (and I am just kidding about the drunken Tweet…).  However, if your kids do read your blog or follow you on Twitter, they may get to know a side of you that is very different from the “Mom” or “Dad” they know and love.  They may learn about your interests and point of view about things you don’t typically share or discuss with them: things that are important to you but that they may, or may not understand or appreciate.  In my own case, I can only imagine how goofy my kids must think I am when they see my daily “TweetThatTune” posts, or see my (hopefully) humorous posts and videos at www.SocialNetworkingRehab.com.  On the other hand, having the opportunity to share my posts here on Dad-O-Matic with my kids has been a great joy, and I think they have truly enjoyed being the inspiration for so much of my writing.

    What do you think?  Do your kids read your blog and follow your online activities?  How do you feel about it?  Is it a good thing.. or not so much?  Let’s discuss it more in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Anatoly Tiplyashin – Fotolia.com

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    Dad's Life Lessons: Rule #2

    In Dad’s Life Lessons On The Wall, I shared an easy and loving way to teach your child important life lessons. Perhaps one of my lessons is one of yours?

    Rule #2: Negative thoughts eat away at your brain. Don’t let this happen.

    On seven-year-old Zachary’s wall is a picture of an acidifying apple. A beautiful green apple with a few bites taken out of it, now turning brown. Soon it will get mushy, unappetizing.

    “Are you a green apple or a brown apple,” I ask him. “Green,” he typically responds, totally understanding the analogy for more than two years now.

    I explain the brain is the most important muscle in the body. Just like the muscles he needs to do a push up, the brain’s muscles need to be exercised to stay healthy. We need to keep the “brown stuff” out of his brain because brown stuff can make him very sick.

    A Brown Apple

    I let Zach and five-year-old Lucas know I have brown days. Everyone has brown days; it’s normal. I tell them happiness is one of the five things I wish for my children; that I will do everything in my power to help them have it.

    Zachary was praying the other day: It’s usually a list of things to thank God for. Once I interjected with “and thank God for sadness.” Of course, he asked why.

    “Without sadness,” I began, “you wouldn’t appreciate happiness as much. If you were happy all the time, happiness would be expected, taken for granted. Sadness gives you the perspective you need to really enjoy happiness.” He understood.

    Taboo?
    My wife and I debate how appropriate it is to talk about such a grown up thing as mental health with our young children. What do you think: How early is “too early” to introduce the subject of mental health to your children?

    Good luck from a fellow Dad,
    :: Joe Hage ::

    Other posts from Joe Hage:

    Dad’s Life Lessons on the Wall

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

    Mom and Dad on Strike

    When Lying is Good

    Emploment Opprotunities

    Amplify

    Work in progress

    It's a numbers game

    Health isn’t a goal, it’s an ongoing work. You can’t just eat healthy once. Running a few laps won’t put muscles on your legs. It’s just not that easy. Oh if only it were.

    Lots of dads and moms out there are all about getting healthy these days. They forget those few simple truths above. So they join the gym and go a few times. Dad starts preparing a few meals here and there at home. Maybe the family even goes on a walk together.

    That lasts until the first crisis.

    Then it’s a mad scramble as usual. Food needs ready not in an hour but in 15 mins. Work doesn’t end at 5PM but a few nights at 8PM, and too late to get to the gym. The kids have practice every night for a week.

    The rhythm that was beginning is already broken. It’s over before it’s begun.

    It doesn’t have to be this way.

    The problem isn’t in the desire to be healthier. It’s in the attitude that it’s impossible or that their family just can’t make it happen. They’re wrong.

    My wife and I had always heard that losing weight and getting healthier wasn’t about dieting or making goals but about changing our lifestyle. I believe we’ve finally grasped the concept.

    I’d like to share a regular tips, tricks and insights we’ve found in a regular series of posts. We’re no experts but we’ve decided to get on the path and work it and sharing will help keep us honest on our intentions.

    To start off here’s one tip and it’s the most important one.

    Decide ahead of time.

    You’re probably asking yourself just how that applies to getting healthier? It’s the most basic thing folks fail to do and that failure contributes most repeated failures.

    Deciding ahead of time isn’t so much as planning out specific meals or exercise times, but deciding what you’re committed to and what path you’ll follow when those urgent situations arise. As above, when suddenly faced with a short amount of time to make meals, or no window to make that appointment at the gym, don’t be at the mercy of your stomach, your tiredness, or your attitude. Make that decision before you get there. Make that decision before the week even begins.

    In a practical sense, this means coming up with solutions for those times when your head is clear and your stomach is full. In our case, this meant deciding that on evenings with no time to plan a meal that we’ll have simple sandwiches, and possibly a simple side to go with them. But that requires that on Saturday or your regularly scheduled grocery day that you buy quick fix but healthy foods.

    This should extend to your snack planning as well. Snacks?! Yes, snacks. Decide ahead of time what will be acceptable snacks on your path and buy and stock those in your house, and only those.

    Exercise might be a problem? Plan out your favorite places to grab a walk, places where the weather won’t be factor. Plan fun and easy exercises for the evening, such as weights or Wii time.

    The above strategy may sound simplistic but it’s help my wife and me the last several months to make significant progress. We’ve lost not just weight but also moved the numbers a bit on the blood work.

    I’m not there yet, but that means nothing now that I’ve realized there really isn’t a stopping point. Health isn’t something you throw together, it’s a path you choose.

    Join me today!

    Amplify

    I'm Talking To Myself

    As I walked out of the gym this morning, I passed a woman walking 15-20 feet in front of her toddler. He was young, probably 2 1/2 at most. He had a pacifier in his mouth and he was happily distracted by some flowers. The Mother turned and said: “Hurry up! Your going to make me late for Miss Debbie’s class again.” My head instantly filled with judgmental comments.

    “Really? It’s his fault? He’s 2-years-old. How is it HIS fault that you’re late to YOUR spin class? Hold yourself accountable. Why are you teaching him to blame others for his actions? Why would you lay that kind of guilt on him?”

    Of course, I said nothing to her. In the scope of careless words that come out of parents mouths, this is certainly on the tame side. Besides, I have no idea what took place in her morning. I have no idea what struggles she might be going through. I’ve had my share of bad mornings and I know I’ve said equally thoughtless things to my children in the past. So, I’m certainly not about to judge this frantic Mom.

    I’m going to judge myself instead.

    It has taken me a long time to write my first post here at Dad-o-Matic. I’ve wanted a place to write about being a dad for a long time. This is certainly the right place. But I’ve been struggling with finding the right voice for this right place. I think I’ve found it.

    I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to talk to myself in the posts I write here on Dad-o-Matic. I’m going to judge myself harshly. I’m going to question my decisions and wonder aloud about the choices I make with my kids. If my voice sounds like yours, then perhaps we can help each other. If it doesn’t, perhaps you can help me.

    What’s in my head.

    Why is it so easy to see the mistakes other parents are making with their children, and so hard to see the mistakes I’m making with my own children? In the moment, why can’t I pause and judge my potential actions with the same degree of clarity that I had as this woman passed by? What can I do to be better?

    I can try harder. I can take longer breaths before I open my mouth. I can hear myself before speaking. I can feel the impact of my words in the same way I felt the impact of, “you’re going to make me late.”

    And I can be quicker to apologize when I’ve made a mistake. Because I’m pretty sure I’m going to make a few more mistakes. Maybe even as I pass a stranger at the gym.

    Amplify

    Cooking Up A Dream!

    Chef Zach

    Chef Zach

    Gordon Ramsay, watch out!  Zachary Sass is going to win HELL’S KITCHEN one day.  I mean it!  He is already my favorite chef in Hollywood (ok, Hollywood, Florida…).

    ITS THEIR DREAM, NOT YOURS

    Last night I had the pleasure of dining at the Terra Bite Cafe, in Hollywood, Florida where my 20 year old son, Zach, is the Chef.  The Greek style Mediterranean food was delicious, beautifully presented, and made with incredibly fresh ingredients demonstrating why a Mediterranean diet is one of the healthiest in the world.  Zach was beaming, and so was I, as the owner of Terra Bite, George, told me what a hard worker and wonderful chef Zach is, and how much he has already contributed to the success of the young restaurant.  As any parent would be, I am enormously proud of Zach for his accomplishments, but I am even more proud of him for pursuing his dream.  Ever since he was 10 years old Zach has wanted to be a chef.  I have no idea why he chose it, but he did, and he was determined.  In high school, he put “Culinary Arts” on his class ring, even though his school did not have any Culinary Arts classes.  He applied to only one college, Johnson & Wales University, well known for it’s Culinary and Hospitality programs.  Zach is now a junior there.

    DON’T JUST RAISE YOUR KIDS, RAISE THEM UP!

    I am not just proud of Zach, I am also proud of myself and his mom for never discouraging him from his dream, regardless of how (awkward? out of left field? unrealistic?) it may have seemed to us at first.  After all, when he started saying he wanted to be a chef, Zach hadn’t really ever cooked anything.  And of course I had a (not so) glamorous view of working in the restaurant business after reading Anthony Bourdain‘s KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL (which perhaps changed my view of dining out forever).  Still, Zach did not waiver from his dream, and we did not stand in his way.

    PASSION IS PERSONAL

    I have written here before about “raising a Rockstar” and the importance of the three P’s: Pride, Passion and Professionalism.  In today’s challenging world, the middle P, Passion, is perhaps the most important.  It is hard to be successful in life without finding things to be passionate about, and passion is very personal.  Zach is passionate about cooking.  I am not.  I am passionate about other things that don’t interest Zach.  What is important is that he is passionate about his dream, and therefore I have no doubt he will achieve it, (and he is already well on his way).  As the Dad, I hope I will always acknowledge and support anything my kids are passionate about.

    How about you?  Have your kids found things they are passionate about?  What if their passions are not the same as yours?  Please add your thoughts in the comments, and (SHAMELESS PLUG) if you are ever in Hollywood, Florida, go eat at the Terra Bite Cafe!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Txting Words Of Encouragement

    Ahhh, technology!  As a geek dad I am proud to be totally on top of the tech toys my kids are growing up with as their default accessories.  In fact, what us older gadget guys consider “toys” are hardly noticed as anything special by our kids.  They don’t know of anything but a world filled with mobile phones and laptops, instant messaging and high definition.  They are digital kids living in a digital age.  Analog is ancient history.

    THINKING OUTSIDE THE (LUNCH) BOX

    Remember the lunch box?  My first ones were metal, with a single flip down clasp, plastic pop-up handle, and the colorful images of my favorite TV characters embossed onto the lid.  I can still remember the distinctive and slightly spoiled scent that wafted forth whenever it was opened – the remnants of loosely wrapped sandwiches, overripe fruit and leaky containers of juice or milk.  The cool lunch boxes came with their own theme matching Thermos brand liquid containers, and there was just enough room inside for the thermos bottle, a wrapped sandwich, and a snack or piece of fruit… And the occasional surprise note from mom or dad!

    THE ORIGINAL PARENT TO CHILD MESSAGING PLATFORM

    When we were kids when we left the house for the day that was it.  We were out of reach and out of touch from our parents until the school bus deposited us back at home.  With that in mind, clever parents who wanted to reach out and touch their kids during the day had only one logical choice: the lunch box!  How many of you can remember the fun of opening up your lunch box only to find a note from mom or dad saying, “I Love You” or “Have a great day”?  It was a great feeling knowing that your parents were thinking of you while you were off in school and they were off at work or going about their day.  Getting that unexpected message from your parents was always a welcome treat and made the day go by better.  Today, we don’t need to stuff a lunch box in order to slip a surprise message to our kids.  Today we are easily and constantly connected to them, thanks to technology.

    TXTING WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

    Our kids live by their phones and texting is their primary means of communicating.  With that in mind, a great way to send your kid a random reminder that you are thinking of them, that you’ve got their back – all the time, is to send them a text message once in a while.  If you know they have a big test at school, text them a simple “How’d it go?” in the afternoon, or “Good Luck” in the morning before the test.  Yes, they are not supposed to use their phones in school, but they do, and they will, so you might as well be an active part of it.  Texting certainly can’t and won’t replace the importance of real quality time together with your kids, but when you are both out and about and apart, texting some words of love and encouragement is every bit as effective as a note in a lunch box!

    How about you?  Did you or your parents ever stick notes in a lunch box? Do you think texting is an appropriate way to touch base with your kids during the day?  Don’t text me your opinion – leave a comment below instead.  ;-)

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © JJAVA – Fotolia.com

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    A Hero To Squirrels

    I was scanning Twitter last night as I often do when there is nothing much to watch on the idiot box.  As I was scrolling through the main stream of all the people I follow I came across an absolute gem.

    Robb Vaules – @infobahn, shared a quote from his son – “Quote of the night from my Son: “I have always wanted to be a hero to squirels.”

    It got me thinking, firstly what a great ambition, I don’t know how old Robb’s son is but how refreshing to not find that he doesn’t aspire to be a gansta, fake celeb, or make millions throwing a ball around.  No this young man wants to be a hero to Squirrels.

    I retweeted the quote this morning and one of my followers asked me how you become a Hero to Squirrels. I have no idea how you become a hero to squirrels, what’s more I have no idea how you inspire your son to want to become a hero to squirrels.  But I do think that its message goes beyond just the cutesy value that makes you go awww when you first read it.  What are we inspiring our children to become ? How do we transmit values to them?

    How do we support their aspirations, even if it is to become a Hero to Squirrels.

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    The Married Man's Aphrodisiac

    OK, my brothers. When you was solo and needed to get some, you knew the drill. High rep light curls at the gym. New shirt and shave. Slap on some smellgood. Aaawwwww, yeeeaaa.

    Wassat? Things have changed? The old tricks don’t inspire business time the way they used to, you say? Well pull up a chair, my brother, because the big man got a secret you need knowin.

    Few things will summon the sweet sounds of horizontal mambo like the performance of… ready?… household chores.

    Dass right. Your wife ain’t down with the charms of the Drakkar Noir you got in 1987. Put it away, my brother. That girl is tired. She need some extra special attention. She need to know you’re in touch with what she’s up against. She need to know you’re in it together. You gotta be shoulder-to-shoulder before you can be ugly-to-ugly, my brother.

    Yea, yea, it’s cool. Downside is you gotta do the chore itself, though. Well chill on down, because I got the perfect choice for guys like me and you. The secret, my brother, is laundry.

    Speaking for myself, I cook anyway. And sure, you can pretend you’re mowing astroturf while you vacuum, but that’s gonna take up an hour of your weekend. Laundry, on the other hand, has a bursty rhythm that lends itself to short naps, magazine articles, and playoff games. Laundry from start to finish is periodic bursts of something-you-gotta-do with big chunks of nothing in between.

    And nothing moves the libido of your average exhausted child-caring, household-maintaining, middle-aged female like the wafting scent of Gain extra strength being poured all sexy-like (or not) by the man who loves her. Don’t even say anything… just pop in the darks and kick back on the couch for an hour. Then there’s 5 minutes of dryer transfer, and an hour after that some casual folding in front of the TV. At some point she’ll notice, and you just say “I’m doing the laundry, baby. I know you’ve had a busy week, and I thought this would help.” Later on you make your move.

    AAAAwwwwwww, yeeeeaaaaaaaa, baby.  Give it a shot, let me know how it goes.

    Amplify

    Worst of the Week: Homework Time – An Update

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    I wrote a few weeks back that my daughter Erin (6) was having trouble getting her homework done. I took everyone’s advice and she has been doing better – with homework that is. When it comes to school work, she is lazy and unmotivated. Patty and I just thought it was some sort of “Mid-Term Blues”; a sort of getting back into things from a long Christmas break thing. That’s not the case.

    Turns out she just doesn’t want to do her work. Oh, she’s very capable and when she’s up against the wall, she get’s it done fast and it even comes out correct. I have even seen it with my own two eyes when I come in a volunteer with her class in Computer Lab. For example yesterday, Thursday, I came in at my usual time and the teacher told me that Erin would be down to the Lab soon because she is finishing up her math work. To be fair, she wasn’t the only one working on this particular school work, but she loves coming down to Computer Lab not only because she loves computers, but she is always happy to see me. When I went to check on her, she finished up, with every problem correct, and proceeded to sit down at her station. She then worked hard on her computer finishing the assignment before many other kids. For that I am proud of her, but I just don’t know what to make of it.

    Report Cards come out soon and following that there will be Parent-Teacher conferences. Perhaps then we’ll be able to straighten everything out.

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    Having a Large Family

    My wife and I have five children. None are adopted, none are from other marriages, none are the products of multiple births. Just five kids, each born separately to us over the space of about 13 years.

    In the time and place where I grew up (suburban Cleveland in the 1970s and 80s), this would have made us wholly unremarkable. Families of five, six, seven or more children were as common as sparrows in my neighborhood. Most of my friends got their clothes from older brothers, or else they were the ones passing t-shirts and jeans down the line to younger siblings once they grew out of them.

    Nowadays, however, being a father of five puts me in something of a shrinking demographic. You just don’t see large families anymore, and I suppose there is any number of reasons for that. Oh sure, you hear about the Duggars and their 18 kids every once in awhile, and I know people who make a point never to miss an episode of “Jon & Kate Plus 8” on TLC. But those are freaky exceptions in what has increasingly become a world of one- and two-child families.

    There’s a lot to love about having five children, not the least of which are the chaotic living room wrestling matches and the hilarious dinner table conversations as the kids get older. And as you might imagine, the challenges are pretty numerous, too. (No one told me having kids was going to be this expensive…)

    We’re not in the same league as the Duggars or the Gosselins or even my wife’s cousins, who have 10 kids, including four they adopted from Liberia. But we’re still enough of a novelty in 21st-century America to attract curious stares in restaurants and to be asked the same questions over and over.

    Here, then, is a list of the things people tend to ask whenever they find out we have five children at home, followed by my/our typical answers:
     

    Five kids?!? Are you crazy?
    Yeah, probably.

    You do know what causes that, don’t you?
    Yes, sex with my wife. Lots and lots of awesome sex with my wife.

    How do you do it? I’m fried at the end of the day and I only have one.
    OK, first off, never say you “only” have one like it’s a bad thing. It’s an awesome thing to have a child, and you’re understandably exhausted by the work involved. Just because I have five does not in any way make me a better parent than anyone else. If you had chosen to have five, you’d be doing the same things my wife and I do, and you may be doing them better than us. We’re by no means superheroes, but what we are, no doubt, is blessed.

    What age range are your kids? Boys or girls?
    We have three girls and two boys: Elissa is (almost) 15, Chloe is 12, Jared is 10, Melanie is 8, and little Jack just turned 3.

    Do the older ones take care of the younger ones?
    Sure, just like in any family where there’s a sizeable gap between the oldest and youngest. Our 12-year-old, especially, is like a second mom to the younger ones.

    How do you make sure you spend enough “alone time” with each child?
    Ah, there you’ve hit on what is to me the single biggest challenge to having a large family: Paying attention to every kid and making them feel unique/special. The only way to do it, I’ve found, is to make it a priority. I do one-on-one things with each of my kids all the time, which of course means I’ve had to let go of personal activities I used to enjoy like marathon running (too time-consuming) and reading (ditto). I don’t say that to make myself out to be a martyr or anything, because I’m not. That’s just the sort of thing we as fathers do for our kids, with no expectation that anyone is going to pat us on the back for it. And besides, I figure you only get one, brief shot at this parenting thing, and I really don’t want to screw it up.

    Aren’t you concerned about overpopulation and draining the planet’s resources unnecessarily with a big family?
    Another great question, and one to which I can only plead ignorance. It’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve really become aware of the dangers of overpopulation. I was blissfully ignorant in the years when we were having kids. Would we have changed our mind about having five had we known more about overpopulation earlier? Hmmmm, that’s a tough one. I don’t know, and I don’t even like to think about it because that’s like telling my younger ones, “Oops, you guys were mistakes! Had we been more well-informed, we probably wouldn’t have had you.” In any event, however much of a drain we are on world resources, I continually try to counteract that by raising my children to be people who, as adults, will have a significant positive impact on society.

    Do you have a nanny or daycare provider for your kids?
    No, actually, we’ve never had either one. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom since our second was born, and it has been a great help for us. Logistically, we rarely have problems getting the kids to their various activities, and when we do, all of the grandparents live less than 10 minutes away and are always willing to help.

    Did you ever think about having any more?
    Nope. After Jack was born, my wife and I just kind of instinctively knew that this was it. It certainly doesn’t help that we’re both pushing 40…having babies is a young person’s game, as far as I’m concerned! But we’re more than content with the five God has given us. And now that our oldest two are entering their teenage years, I’m guessing we’re going to be even more committed to our decision to stop!

     

    By the way, as you might imagine, there are some great Web resources for people with – or those interested in having – large families. Two of the best are http://www.lotsofkids.com/ and the excellent “Large Families FAQ.”

     

    Amplify

    Monkey See, Monkey Do

    Rodney Atkins’ “I’ve Been Watching You” is one of my favorite songs for many reasons. One of them is because my six year-old loves singing it at the top of his lungs while watching the video with me. The other reason is because it’s a wonderful song for parents because it brings home the message so well that like it or not, our kids learn more from what we show them than what we tell them. Actions truly speak louder than words when you’re a parent!

    I’ve learned this lesson over and over again with all three of my children. I can say the same thing countless times but it falls on def ears but if they see me doing it, especially when I pretend I don’t know they’re there, then I inevitably see them mimicking my behavior.

    Unfortunately, this applies to bad behavior as well! I’ve finally learned to NEVER utter a cuss word even if you think they’re not close enough to hear. I’ve also learned never to cut corners or do things with anything but my best effort because they notice it (well, their mom usually does first but they do too).

    So, it’s a simple notion but incredibly important and a powerful teaching tool. Teach your children by setting the best example as you possibly can with your actions, not just with your mouth. Walk the walk vs talk the talk. Always remember that they’re watching you!

    “Watching You”

    Driving through town just my boy and me
    With a happy meal in his booster seat
    Knowing that he couldn’t have the toy
    Till his nuggets were gone
    A green traffic light turned straight to red
    I hit my brakes and mumbled under my breath
    His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
    Well then my four year old said a four letter word
    That started with “s” and I was concerned
    So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

    [Chorus one]

    He said I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
    I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
    And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
    We got cowboy boots and camo pants
    Yeah we’re just alike, hey ain’t we dad
    I wanna do everything you do
    So I’ve been watching you

    We got back home and I went to the barn
    I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
    Said Lord please help me help my stupid self
    Then this side of bedtime later that night
    Turning on my son’s Scooby Doo nightlight
    He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
    He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
    And spoke to God like he was talking to a friend
    And I said son now where’d you learn to pray like that

    [Chorus two]

    He said I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
    I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
    And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
    We like fixing things and holding mama’s hand
    Yeah we’re just alike, hey ain’t we dad
    I wanna do everything you do
    So I’ve been watching you

    [Bridge]

    With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
    Said my little bear is growing up
    He said but when I’m big I’ll still know what to do

    [Chorus three]

    Cause I’ve been watching you dad, ain’t that cool
    I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
    And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
    By then I’ll be as strong as superman
    We’ll be just alike, hey won’t we dad
    When I can do everything you do
    Cause I’ve been watching you

    Amplify

    Learning To Bite Your Tongue

    I don’t know about you, but the older I get the harder it is for me to keep my mouth shut.  It seems I have an opinion about everything and I almost always feel compelled to share it.  I may be able to chalk it up to being older and wiser, but it still doesn’t mean it is a good thing, so one of my goals for 2009 is to learn how to bite my tongue.

    LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES

    As a parent, I am realizing that I also need to learn to bite my tongue, especially as my kids grow older.  As parents we are natural born protectors and want everything to be just right for our kids.  But sometimes, even though we have the knowledge and experience to know what is coming and see a mistake our kids are about to make before they make it, we would be serving them better to bite our tongues and let them go ahead and make the error.  As long as it doesn’t involve anyone’s safety, or harm to person or property, letting our kids make mistakes is a good idea.  Yes, we have “been there,” and “done that,” so we know exactly what the outcome is going to be, but sometimes if we don’t resist the urge to step in and “save them” our kids won’t have the chance to gain that experience themselves.  Let them make the mistake and they will learn from that experience in a way that will be far more impactful than us telling them what would have happened.

    SITTING ON MY HANDS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT

    I was reminded of this when taking my daughter, who has her learner’s permit, for a drive.  We started out with me talking non-stop.  ”Okay, signal your turn… now look.  Did you look?  You’re a little too close to that car ahead of us..  You’re going a little too fast.  What’s the speed limit?  You want to change lanes now…”  It is no wonder she finally put me in my place.

    “Dad, be quiet already.  YOU are making me nervous.”

    And she was right.  My constant corrections were more likely to cause a fender bender than her burgeoning driving skills.  So I bit my tongue.  And when I saw she was about to make a turn way too wide, I looked ahead, and seeing no cars coming at us, I bit my tongue again, and let her make the bad turn, ending up on the wrong side of the two way lane.

    “That was bad.” she said.  ”Yes, it was,” I agreed.  But now she knew what it felt like to turn too wide, and the rest of the ride her turns were perfect.

    How about you?  Do you let your kids make mistakes, or am I making a mistake suggesting that you do?  Don’t bite your tongue just yet and share your opinion in the comments below.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit © Irina Opachevsky – Fotolia.com

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    Take A Break

    I’ve heard recently about a couple I know who are having some difficulties, the main cause is that they never take breaks away from their kids.

    I am the world’s number one fan of my little ones, they seriously rock. They are also 2 and 3 (11.5 months apart), so they can be a touch exhausting. :-)

    Recently I was lucky enough to take a few extra days in San Francisco after Macworld to spend with my wife, Heather. Together we walked all over the city in weather that couldn’t have been better.

    Heather and I met as backpackers in Ireland, so we are both accustomed to adventures in unknown cities. We spent a few days exploring hidden, local gems without the use of any guides. It was just like the old days when we first met.

    It came to us as a shock when we realized that we hadn’t had a holiday without the kids – ever. We skipped around the city like giddy school children, it was incredible to be FREE for a few days. We were free of any responsibilities,  no pull-up changing, potty training, prepared meals, bath time, nothing!

    Do you have someone you can leave your kids with for a weekend? Have you asked your in-laws, parents, siblings, trust worthy friends for a weekend of babysitting?

    Even if it’s just a weekend in a neighboring city, perhaps camping if the weather works for you. The main point is to get away with your partner, not to stay with friends, just the two of you. If you’re a single parent the same applies here.

    Go away and take some time off – you deserve it.

    Amplify

    Why do parents judge?

    This has been bugging me for quite a while now. I figure the best place for me to air it out would be this forum. Now, my wife and I are repeatedly told that our children (Maddie is 10 and Joey is 7) are well behaved, polite, and fun to have around when ever they are on play dates or sleep overs. We have always taken that to consider that we are “doing things right” in our own way. In fact, I know that my kids are loved dearly and are very happy at home.

    My question is this. Why do some parents feel they must judge other parents’ parenting style. Worse yet is when some feel it necessary to point out this perceived lacking to other parents. Now I am not referring to suggestions. Those are great. In fact if I did not like suggestions, what am I doing on this site. My wife and I have heard some great unsolicited advice and always felt it was up to us whether we follow it or not. Following that advice is in no means related to how we feel about these advisors as friends or parents. It simply means they pointed out a great idea and we chose to follow it.

    My parenting style is to give my kids choices on some topics while at the same time having a select few topics that exist or may come up that are non-negotiable. I find by doing this, they for the most part know that there are topics I will not yield on and others that I will let them find out for themselves whether it is important or not. It leads to much less arguing and I find they are much more cooperative when they know they can have some input on some topics. For example, I will at no time let my kids speak disrespectfully to my wife. I jump on them every time and they know it is not allowed. That’s not to say they never do it. But they do catch them selves and I feel the more I stay on top of it the less it will happen. I also feel this may be why they are almost always polite to all adults they meet. As an example of topics I will not fight them own, I always tell them to wear hats, gloves etc. out in the cold. If they choose not to, I don’t ague with them, they eventually come back in and put them on if they are too cold anyways. I know they are not going to let themselves get seriously hurt and they feel like they have some input in their lives.

    This brings my to my point of contention. I tell my son to always wear socks, and proper shoes when he goes to school. He hates looking for his socks, and has a pair of favorite sneakers that are falling apart so he usually ends up with these holy things on his feet where you can see his feet through the tops. I tell him that not wearing socks will give him problems with foot oder and these old shoes will get his feet cold and may both most likely will get him teased when he goes to school. My feeling is that eventually he will get sick of all that and wear the right shoes and socks. He is not in any danger, and we have one less battle to fight while getting ready for school in the morning. By the way he know wears his new shoes that Mimi bought for him with his socks every day.

    Well we had a “friend” who we asked to pick up our son at school after school as a favor and drop him off at our neighbors house so I could go to a job interview. She said it was fine. She did, however, feel it was necessary to comment to our neighbor how disgusting his shoes with no socks were. She didn’t just discuss it. She went on and on about it. She works with my wife and actually pulled her aside in the break room as soon as my wife got to work to point out how embarrassed she was when she saw his shoes. This woman would always talk to us about how bad other parents are and now we know she is doing the same about us. I feel bad because her daughter and my daughter are best friends. They have know each other since they were born. I pray dearly that this will not effect their relationship. I know my wife and I will not it effect them.

    We know that she feels we are poor parents because we give our children these freedoms. That is fine. I just wish she would keep it to herself and not gossip about it. It upsets my wife and frankly that pisses me off. I really do not care what others think about me. But upset my wife and kids and its on. I love my children for all that they are. I think they are very well adjusted, loving, caring individuals. In addition I would never EVER put anyone down for their parenting style as long as they love their kids and are there for them, who cares what they do. There is no perfect parenting protocols. We are not programming computer, we are raising humans.

    Another topic she would hate is the fact that I let me kids play with the video camera and put up videos on Youtube. I am a geek so I like them to get involved with technology. I also know what the pros and cons are of this. They have a blast dong it and it is a great medium for them to work on their creativity. I actually do the posting and add the keywords for them and only after I see the video myself. I also let them know that their are other idiots out there that may put up some distasteful comments. Their latest work is hilarious and we have heard lots of interesting feedback. I will put a link to it at the end of this post if you want to check it out. Let me know what you think about it.

    Well thanks for listening. I just feel that we are all individuals with unique strengths and weaknesses. Our wives/husbands are all individuals with unique strengths and weaknesses. And Most importantly our children are all individuals with unique strengths and weaknesses. This leads to an infinite possibility of combinations of personalities and parenting styles. I feel that I cannot guarantee that my wife and I will always be around to make the correct decision for our kids. Helping them learn the merits of making some decisions on their own will only make them better equipped as they grow up. I by now means think that our way is THE way. But it is OUR way. It works for us. More parents need to understand that. Parents do what works best for them. Its not right and its not wrong. Is best for them. Downing other’s parenting based on your own biases is a completely useless use of energy. And it can cost a friendship along the way.

    How do you think we should have handled this? Do you have any similar stories? If you find yourself tending to judge like this, does this change you mind?

    Thanks, Joey

    Here is the video my kids made if you want to check it out:Tigger Barbie Girl

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    Worst of the Week: A Helping Hand

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    Except for a few minor homework issues, Patrick and Erin were good all week, so I give you my Worst of the Week.

    Late Wednesday night, I decided to add a few widgets to my (WordPress) blog. Unfortunately the integration didn’t go so well and I inadvertently crashed my site.

    Now if you’re like me, after your Wife and Kids, your website is the most important thing in you life. If it goes down you go down and you scramble like hell to get it up. Even if that means staying up until 4am to fix it.

    I couldn’t stay up that late, but on Thursday I contacted the one person I knew that could help me with my problem. My friend Ian, from New York City. Thank God I got a hold of him and that he was able to help me. In a matter 30 minutes of a few clicks I was up and running again. Ian is the kind of guy that I can depend on when things go awry.

    I’m fortunate to have many friends with many different talents that can help me when I’m in need. Which brings me to my point – it’s not too early to have you children know who to depend on in different situations or to know what his (or her) talent is so they can help other kids, too (reading, baseball, tying shoes, trouble on the bus, etc.).

    What is you kid’s special talent or does he/she have friends they can seek out when they are in need?

    Indecently, I took Chris Brogan’s advice and upgraded to the WordPress Thesis Theme. It’s so much better then what I had before.

    Amplify

    A Laid off parent is ALWAYS gainfully employed.

    Hello Readers. I am Joey Parshley and its been 3 moths since my last (and first) post. Things have been really busy and I have not been able to post as much as I wanted. Hopefully I will be able to post more frequently.

    Well, as many of us have been experiencing, I was laid off on December 17th. The funny thing about that (I have been told to use ironic but I think its funny) is that it was the 1 year anniversary of my last lay off. I actually mentioned that fact to my wife as I was heading into work that day. At least then the first company shut its doors. This time around, it was a “Workforce Reduction”. I am not a big fan of euphemisms. I feel they are used to comfort the giver, not the receiver.

    My point of this post is that us Dad’s (and Mom’s) are still gainfully employed even if we get laid off. It is a time that we can teach our children how to deal with adversity. Show them that not everything is hunky dorey but at the same time, it is not the end of the world. Teach them that, yeah it sucks and it is ok to feel down for a little bit, but moping around is not going to get you your next gig.

    My daughter Maddie is 10 years old and my son is 7. They absolutely keep me grounded during these times. You simply cannot feel bad for yourself when they are such an important part of your life. They asked me all the tough questions like “will we lose our house” or “are we poor” and I tried to answer them all as truthfully as possible knowing that sometimes simply telling them that I do not know, but what I do know is that we will always have each others support and no matter what happens, together we will be happy. It always brightened up my day when after interviewing and picking up my kids, my son would always remember to ask “How was you meeting, Dad?”. And sometimes, just sitting on the couch with each of them in my arms made it all just melt away.

    I am happy to announce that I was quite fortunate in this scenario. I start my next gig next week. This time around it was a great opportunity for me to show my children that in times of uncertainty, as long as you do all you can do, you can feel good about your situation. Things that are out of your control are exactly that, (out of your control). So if you cannot control it, remove it as far from your mind as possible. This was a horrible time to be laid off. But I had no control over that and I stopped dwelling on it. What WAS in my control was how I pursued my next gig and I took complete control of that. I started networking on day one (the moment I got home). Most may have taken off for the holidays knowing that there were not going to be many contacts. But I figured that would help me stand out more. I feel it may have given me a leg up on others I felt may be flooding the market after the holidays. In any case this is a situation that I will always be proud to talk to my children about. It is a valuable tool that I hope I can use to help them in case they ever find themselves in a less than ideal situation.

    Amplify

    Why Your Infant Needs GMail

    I learned a few days ago that a good friend of mine did something for his son that almost moved me to tears, on the spot. As an infant, he got him his own GMail account.

    Of what use is such a thing to persons lacking control of basic bodily functions, you ask?

    Well, my buddy uses this account to send his son messages for when he’s old enough to appreciate them:

    “You were born today, and I am different now. Thanks for coming buddy. I will do my best for you.”

    “You kept us up all night last night, and just when I was about to lose it, it seemed like you smiled at me for the first time. The rest of the night was easy.”

    “You said your first word today, and it was “bah,” meaning pacifier.”

    “You’re new nickname is Mr. 3-times. Don’t ask. You owe me, big.”

    “We brought your sister home today and you were so gentle with her. You kissed her on the head and said ‘hi, baby. Do you want to play with my toys.”

    Are you blubbering yet? I actually made those up, but you get the picture.

    I simply cannot think of a nicer thing to do for your kid. First, it’s a powerful way to show your son or daughter that they were loved from the get go. Second – god forbid something were to happen to you – there’s a record somewhere of what you were feeling in the tiny details of life as your child came into the world. Finally, the little day-to-day details that you somehow forget as they grow up – that cute thing they used to say, the day they got their big-boy bed, the time they pee’d in the houseplant – all of those things are captured somewhere in a dark corner of the Googlesphere, stored securely in a permanent nook of our collective human consciousness.

    So get your kid an e-mail address today, and ping him once in a while just to let him know you’re there for him. Always were, always will be.

    Amplify

    Bring Your Work To Kids Day!

    If you are a parent, you have probably experienced some variation of “take your child to work day” – you know, the one where your son or daughter tags along to the office and you plop them down in front of a computer and hope and pray they will be able to occupy themselves with games and the Internet long enough to stay out of your hair so you can actually get your work done.  What genius came up with that idea?  Most office environments would be interesting to a kid for about 20 minutes before some serious boredom kicks in.  Then what?  After all, most of us spend our time at work on the phone, in a meeting, or working on a computer.  And if your job day requires more active pursuits, it probably isn’t safe or appropriate to bring a child along.

    DON’T BRING YOUR KID TO WORK, BRING YOUR WORK TO YOUR KID!

    While I may not endorse taking your child to work, I do endorse taking your work to your child.  As working parents we spend an enormous amount of our time either at work or working and it is important for our kids to understand what that means because one day they will be working too.  Finding ways to share what you do with your kids is a great way to let them get to know a different side of you, and it is an important part of what you teach them and how you may shape their own views and “work ethic” as they grow up.  If you constantly bitch and moan about your “job” in front of your kids, what message is that sending them about “being employed?”  On the other hand, if you can find ways to share your passion for what you do, and involve them in the aspects of your work life that they can understand and relate to, you just may be building a foundation that will lead them to be the architects of their own successful careers.

    WE ARE ALL ENTREPRENEURS, AND OUR KIDS ARE TOO!

    We live in an age where we are all entrepreneurs of our own careers.  Whether we are an employee or the employer, in order to be truly successful I believe we need to be our own boss and treat our job responsibilities as a business that we are the CEO of, regardless of our actual position or title.  More than ever, today we have to create our own job security, and like it or not, this is the world our children are growing up in.  With that in mind, teaching our kids by example, that, while often demanding, “work” can and should be fun, rewarding, and involve PASSION, is one of the many very important lessons we are tasked with sharing as parents.

    FIND WAYS FOR YOUR JOB TO MAKE YOU A HERO

    No matter what you do for a living I bet you can find something to share with your kids that will make you a hero in their eyes (and your job seem really cool).  It could be as simple as an interesting picture or souvenir from a business trip, or a colorful piece of “schwag” you picked up at a trade show that lets you share a story about an interesting aspect of your trip.  It could be showing them the cover of a thick report with your name on it as the author or a contributor.  It could be a hat or t-shirt with your company name on it, left over from the last corporate bonding event.  You know your job, and you know your kids, so go ahead and figure out ways you can bring your work to your kids.

    GO AHEAD, BRING IT HOME!

    I have been very fortunate to have had a career that has touched on the entertainment, video game and music industries in ways my kids could definitely relate to and I’ve been able to “bring home” toy and video game samples, have a popular cartoon character show up at a birthday party, and share some fun stories of meeting some “stars” my kids were fans of (and I did stick my then 2 year old son Zach in a scene in a movie I worked on – now at age 20 he still brags about his name in the credits.) However, it doesn’t matter what you do for a living.  With a little thought and creativity you can find something you have done or have worked on that your kids will most surely think is awesome, and they will love the fact that you were willing to involve them in your work world and share it.  Something that may seem trivial to you will be huge to them, because YOU shared it.

    Do you agree?  What have you done to “take your work to your kids?”  I’d love to hear interesting and unusual ways you have shared your work with your kids, especially if you have an unusual job or profession.  Please share your own experiences and opinions in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © Jaimie Duplass – Fotolia.com

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    Worst of the Week: The Cost of the Detroit Free Press

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    Here in Detroit in December between the Big 3 having to go beg for money and our beloved Lions going 0-16, the Detroit Free Press announced a restructuring program in order to save money and essentially to stay alive.

    Ever since I can remember I have always had a paper at the doorstep in the morning. I’m one of those people who read, or at least look at it, every day; especially the Sports page. Starting as a kid, I was fascinated looking at the team statistics, standings, box scores and the transactions no matter what the league. I’ve passed that along to Patrick (8) and now everyday before he heads off to school he takes a look and gives me updates from the previous days games while I’m getting my morning coffee or making sure the kids lunch and backpacks are set. I even got him interested in reading the small columns that provide updates on the happenings of the four local teams: Red Wings, Pistons, Lions and Tigers.

    Now come March this routine will change drastically. The Free Press will continue to be printed seven days a week, however home delivery of the paper will be cut back to only three days a week – Thursday, Friday and Sunday. Not only will this affect Patrick and me, but it will also affect my wife Patty, who likes to go through the Sunday inserts and circulars that come with the Saturday paper. Those inserts will come with the Sunday paper.

    I’m not here today to preach to you how great newspapers are or that they’re dying and some have suggested. Newspapers are changing and we have to change with them. Sure it’s easy to go online and get the news. I do it everyday with RSS and my mobile phone. But there is a benefit of newspapers as a delivery mechanism for content. It’s a fantastic portable device. It’s compact and full or information from Paris, France to Paris Hilton. But in regards to Patrick, it’s also teaching him how to search with his eyes and not some search engine on ESPN.com.

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    The Star Wars Dilemma

    Violette's Haul What do people do when you have an older kid and a younger kid in the house, and the older kid wants to consume media that messes with the younger kid? That’s the issue at hand in the Star Wars Dilemma. I’m wondering if you’ve had this happen at your house.

    My daughter is 6.5 years old. My son is going to be 3 in a few weeks. My daughter was allowed to watch Star Wars: Clone Wars, and then once we determined that she wasn’t scared for life, we let her watch Star Wars Episode 1 and Star Wars Episode 4.

    She loved them. She had a great time. She’s totally into Star Wars.

    My little guy, who’ll be 3 in a few weeks, watched it all, too. Well, his response was to get violent, to have horrible nightmares, to get really crabby and generally to shift from being our son into being this angry little man.

    Whoops.

    We stopped Star Wars right away and then pow, he was back to normal. I feel terrible about that. I didn’t realize it was having a very negative impact, but it was clearly connected to his behavior.

    I get it. I understand the experiences. But here’s the question:

    What do I do for my daughter, who wants to enjoy this content, who is appreciative and reacting well to the content, and who is now feeling shackled by her little brother?

    How do you approach this?

    Amplify

    The Great Daddy – Daughter Divide

    I am at the edge. I am on the precipice. I am at the point of no return (or Know return for you Kansas fans). I am the father of a soon to be 12 year old daughter. She’s pretty. She’s smart. She’s developing (ugh, writing that was disturbing). As a result I am starting to panic.

    These days, I get more raised eye brows and rolled eyes from her than hugs. The little girl scream of “Daddy!” when I come in the house is replaced by “Oh, Dad, puh-leeze.” when I pull some knot headed move that I was unaware of as being highly embarrassing or lame. To make it even more bizarre I also have a 2 year old daughter who knows a rock star when she sees one (that rock star being me, of course).  I am living on both sides of the Daddy-Daughter Divide at the same time.

    So I am on the edge with my oldest daughter and I don’t want to let go. Thankfully, I have actually found a solution to slow this process down. It’s Daddy-Daughter Date Night.  A good friend of mine introduced the idea to me a while back and after I got over the creepiness of the name I gave it a shot. Man, it works like a charm.

    I am not trying to trick my daughter into liking me by taking her to the movies and dinner without her mom, brother and sister along as well. Admittedly, at first it felt that way. Instead, I started to see that I had a chance to model what a great date should look like. I know she is a few years away from that but if I don’t show her now I will lose my chance.

    I open the car door for her (not all the time because I am still a guy and I forget but now she even reminds me when I don’t). I treat her like a queen on our “date”. I tend to forget that she will measure her future relationships with guys using the metrics that I establish.  Honestly, the thought of a relationship with her and a boy makes me want to puke but it’s inevitable.

    At this point in time in my daughter’s life I am both loved and ridiculed in the same breath. I have received the “At least you don’t usually embarrass me” line which is a small victory. I can’t settle for that though. She is just too important to not show her that if someone can’t treat her with respect and honor then that guy gets the boot (which I will gladly do for her).

    I am at a critical point in my daughter’s development and I have a choice. I can let the world determine what is healthy for her or I can model what is truly best for her. This awareness has actually made me a better husband because she is watching me with mom as well. Talk about pressure!

    No offense to other dads reading this but I am going to make it difficult on your sons. Actually though, I would like to think we could all benefit because by teaching her to expect the best from the opposite sex then the one that can offer the best will be a real winner.

    Foolproof? No. Foolish? Maybe. I love her too much to not try anything for her, though.

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    Imagination Day

    My kids like television… a lot.  Sometimes I worry (as do many of you) about the amount of TV that they consume.  I especially become concerned when their little eyes glaze over as the hypnotic TV trance brainwashes them into encouraging me to purchase Aquaglobes or Debbie Meyer Green Bags, or they reenact entire seasons of Spongebob Squarepants.

    About a year ago we instituted “No TV Day” to minimize the amount of TV the kids watch.  On Mondays the kids are not allowed to watch television (DVDs were okay sometimes).  After a bit of consternation, the kids acquiesced and usually found another way to spend their time.  The success of “No TV Day” encouraged me to expand it to Mondays and Fridays which has worked quite well.

    But lately, as the kids get a bit older, when the TV goes off, the Nintendo DS and computer (Webkinz, Toon Town, CartoonNetwork.com, etc.) goes on.  And that familiar glazed look returns.

    At dinner this weekend my wife, the children and I talked about our concerns over the amount of time they spend passively staring at monitors (no, we didn’t use those words).  I proposed that “No TV Day” be expanded to limit other forms of entertainment.  My seven-year-old daughter suggested “No Technology Day” which sounded like it was headed in the right direction, but I wanted to put a more positive spin on it–a name that would reinforce positive behavior.  And “Imagination Day” was born.

    “Imagination Day” is pretty much what it sounds like.  Watching television (even movies) and playing computer games are not allowed.  But the kids may interact with technology (even TV) if they are actively using their minds to create something e.g. composing a song on a keyboard or using my video camera to make a movie.  My wife and I must also adhere to the rules of “Imagination Day” (it’s only fair), but we are allowed to work, or write blog posts.  What better way to use my imagination?

    Today was the our first run at “Imagination Day,” and the kids played very well together.  I’ll keep you posted on how it goes; in the near future maybe every day of the week will be “Imagination Day?”

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    How Do You Cope When Your Kids Flee The Coop?

    Be careful what you wish for… you might get it.  I always wished my rockstar son would keep his room clean.  Invariably, whenever I walked by and heard his guitar playing and opened the door I regretted the mess I saw.   Now his room is clean.  It is more than clean, it is practically empty.  It is empty because on Friday he and I shared a moving experience: he moved out!

    The Nest Took One Giant Leap Toward Empty

    I have been a single dad for the past seven years, and as my three kids have grown I have grown to depend on them being around.  As my sons crossed the age eighteen threshold and began to drive their own cars it was great to feel like I was no longer the lone adult in the house.  Having two responsible young men around to help was a welcome new phase of fatherhood, and frankly, knowing they could pitch in and drop off or pick up their younger sister in a pinch made my life a lot less complicated.

    It’s Not The Motion, It’s The Emotion

    Who am I kidding?  Worries about driving logistics is not the reason my throat swells and chokes up when I look at my son’s empty (clean) room.  The truth is I already miss him!  I miss the constant soundtrack of his guitar practicing drifting through the house, our own private musical score.  I miss walking into the kitchen and seeing him eating cereal standing at the counter, and telling him to sit down at the table and eat like a human being (only to stand and eat at the counter myself as soon as he walks out of the room).  I miss his presence in our home.  I can feel something missing, and I don’t like the feeling.

    The Dorm Is The Norm

    I am extremely proud of my son (and all three of my kids) and I can certainly appreciate his desire to stop commuting and live on campus as he becomes more immersed in his college experience.  After all, when I look back at my own University days, my education came as much from “living away from home” as it did from the textbooks, classrooms and lecture halls.  It is a priceless experience I have always wanted my kids to be fortunate enough to enjoy.  I just never imagined how hard it would actually be to let them go.

    Who Ya Gonna Call?

    I am not afraid of ghosts, but I am scared of how my role as Dad is rapidly changing.  I am frightened by the sadness creeping into my heart as I realize that this is the first step toward the inevitable “empty nest” and a dramatic change in the way my kids will “need” me in their lives.  Intellectually I know this is all good and healthy and normal, and as good for me as it is for my kids, but emotionally I find it far more overwhelming than I had anticipated. Going from being their caretaker, to hearing your kids say “take care!” as they walk out the door to their own lives is a big deal!

    A Moving Experience…

    What do you think?  I turned to Twitter to help me decide on the title of this post, and now I am turning to YOU to help me finish it off.  Since this is all new to me, I’d welcome some tips and advice from those of you who have already been down this road.  Please share your own moving experiences in the comments.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit © Bruce Shippee – Fotolia.com

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    Is My Marriage Solid?

    I just came back from having a few drinks with a close friend.  We didn’t know each other five years ago – we met when our oldest children were in kindergarten together – and have managed to build a strong friendship since then.  It always amazes me how difficult it is to form close friendships after college.  There is something magical about the intense, shared experience of college coupled with the fact that that is the time when we are finally coming into our own as people (I hesitate to use the term “adults” since I didn’t display a whole lot of adult behavior between the ages of 18 and 22).

    Anyway, we were talking about our families and our relationships with our wives and we stumbled upon this startling conclusion:  Every man we know is grappling, struggling with the same fundamental question in his personal life:  Is my marriage solid?  There are two facts of life conspiring to make the lives of American men aged 30-50 more challenging right now.  Forgive me the gross over-simplification, but I think it’s necessary to make my point.

    First, as we age, most of us slow down; we have a decreasing amount of energy at our command.  There may well be exceptions, but I haven’t met them.

    Second, as we move from newly-weds to empty-nesters, the demands on that diminishing energy pool change dramatically.

    slide21Early in marriage, our robust energy is focused on the marriage and budding careers.  As we move into our late thirties and forties, careers get more time-consuming and kids hit the stage.  Not a lot of time to focus on our wives or even ourselves.  This is the stage when most of us fall out of shape and out of love.  Love in the romantic sense; our marital relationships are more important than ever, but for many of us our passion for our kids is more evident than our passion for our wives.  As the kids mature and gain independence – and here I’m conjecturing since I am not there yet – the kids consume less energy which means we can begin to focus on our wives again.

    I saw my own parents go through this evolution.  There was a time when 110% of their time was consumed by kids and work, but now that they are semi-retired grandparents, their marriage seems to have regained a richness and levity that didn’t exist when I was living at home.

    Why am I bothering to write this?  Because I think this is a universal issue associated with all young families.  It is easy to give up hope, to forget why you married your wife in the first place; to figure that your marriage will go downhill as time passes.  But that’s doesn’t have to be the case.  In fact, there are things you can do today to rekindle your optimism and commitment to your marriage.

    • Don’t give up the faith.  Recognize that the doldrums you may perceive have more to do with your stage of life than your connection with your wife.  At some point you and your wife will both have more time to devote to your relationship.  I can’t say when, but I know that kids become more independent over time which restores energy to your marital relationship.
    • Re-prioritize your relationship.  If you can see a light at the end of the tunnel – a rich, bright light – it is easier to commit more attention to it.  Dare to believe that you will turn a corner at some point, and you will find yourself putting more thought into maintaining a good marriage.
    • Look for the easy wins.  Most of us overlook chances to score huge points by doing the little things.  Take out the garbage without being asked, buy some flowers on the way home from work on a Friday, surprise her with a babysitter and a night out… These things don’t take a lot of time or energy, but they help our wives see that we are committed to our relationships.  And that, in turn, will inspire them to respond.

    I’m no marriage counselor, but I’ve talked to enough friends to believe what I’m telling you.  I think women discuss the state of their marital relationships with their friends all the time; men never do.  And because we don’t, we have no support system to bolster us when we tire.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we men dared to talk about the universal challenges we face as fathers and husbands?  We’d all feel a lot better.

    For more of John’s musings on fatherhood and parenting, visit his blog.

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    Rocking Unicorns : A Cautionary Tale

    About Two years ago, when I was out shopping, I ran across an amazing rocking unicorn.  If you squeezed its ear, it came to life.  The head bobbed, the mouth moved, and it made horse sounds.  There was the clip-clop of hooves and a good, spirited neigh.  I was captivated by the thought of my little girl, then about three and a half, perched on top of this magnificent plush toy.  It was on sale, and I was weak.

    I was also not thinking straight.  First off, my daughter was too small for any such toy.  It as a good year and a half before she was large enough to sit on it safely.  Secondly, and more importantly, I bought the thing because I thought it was cool, and without thinking about how she would like it.  Katie hates toys that talk or move.  She goes into hysterics over walking robots and shaking ghost-things at Halloween.  She’d growing out of that now, but at the time, if I’d given it the slightest thought, I’d have realized what was going to happen.

    The $100 plus toy came home.  We showed it to Katie.  She was mildly amused and rubbed its nose.  Then we pushed the button in the thing’s ear, and it came to life.  She hated it.  We turned it off.  Her brother and sister, of course, would from time to time turn it on because they thought her reaction was funny.  I left it in her room, still clinging to my image of the little princess hugging the neck of her plush steed, but over the years she never liked it.  When it came time to decide what toys we’d take to donate to needy children, she offered him up almost with relief. That was this year.

    The lesson, of course, is a simple one.  Don’t buy toys for your children that you think are cool unless they think they are cool as well.  Don’t project yourself onto them, but allow them to grow and guide them when you can.

    The best gifts come through understanding your child.  Parents have to learn too.

    -DNW

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    Just Being Dad

    This is my last post of any sort for 2008 but my first post for Dadomatic. I wanted my last post of the year to be something that I am the most passionate about and that’s just being a dad. No matter what the economy is like, no matter the weather is and really no matter how anything is in the world I am, and always will be, dad to my three kids. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

    In the big picture, much of what I do for a living is at best fleeting and at worst irrelevant. There is impact on lives due to providing services that improve businesses but that is fleeting as proven the last few months of economic disasters. Business and financial success comes and it goes. It’s often what our society values more than the things that have lasting impact for generations to come. It saddens me to think that the value placed on business and financial success often exceeds the value placed on things that are truly generational: people.

    I don’t know how much time I am granted here on earth. I don’t want to know either. I do know though that I have been given an incredible opportunity and responsibility through the blessing of being a dad. I hope that we can all for a moment think about the upcoming year in terms of just being dad a little bit more.

    Sure we only have so many hours in a day. Sure we have to ‘make hay while the sun is shining’. Sure we have to have a life of our own so we can stay strong (and sane). Of all those things though, I know in my life there is extra time spent doing things that don’t involve directly being dad and I want less of those and more of just being dad.

    Dad means strength. Dad means love. Dad means influence. Dad means caring. Dad means modeling. Dad means paying attention. Dad means asking the hard questions. Dad means providing the hard answers. Dad means being a rock. Dad means being real. Dad means so much. Our kids deserve every ounce of our ‘daddy-ness’ this year. In fact, they deserve more than we think we can give.

    There is no greater thrill, in my opinion, than being a father. I have a specific worldview, as we all do, that helps shape this for me. No matter what perspective you bring to the table make sure you bring dad to the table first. Let your kids have more of their dad this year than ever, then we can reconvene a year from now and celebrate real success.

    Thanks to dads everywhere. You all rock.

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    Fast Moving Clocks and the End of Another Year

    It’s kind of cool to have my first chance to post here at Dad-o-Matic on the final day of a year, and the dawn of a new one.  2008 and 2009 are incredibly important years for me as a father.  In 2008 my step-daughter Stephanie turned eighteen.  She’s an adult now, and I have to say that, parental bias aside, she’s grown from a perfect child into a fine young woman.  I hope I can claim some of the credit for that, but as you move through life you realize that young, old, and in between, you can only exert so much influence on another’s life.  My youngest daughter, Katie, turned five three days before Christmas.  She’ll start school this coming year – another huge step.

    One thing I’ve learned is that the clock doesn’t move the same for parents as it does for children.  The older you get and the closer you come to watching everyone branch off into their own lives, the faster the days and years tumble by.  I remember when they moved more slowly.  I suspect that, for my children, it seems at times as if the hands on the clock are standing still.

    My step-son Billy, the Guitar Hero whiz, has stepped up to real guitar and is learning fast.  He’s always been a little headstrong, but in the past year – he’s fifteen now – he’s begun reading for pleasure, learning to build websites, learned to play chess so well I don’t even want to play him anymore, and – in general – shown the signs of growing up and moving on that I knew were coming, but still find myself surprised to see.

    I don’t want to go on and on here, but there is a message in this for me, and it’s a message I’d like to share with fathers and parents everywhere.  Whether you have fifteen years or only a matter of months left with your kids before they move on to begin their own separate lives, make the time you have left with them special.  Remember where life’s real priorities lie and invest in their future.  I have only months to go with Stephanie before she starts college and breaks away.  Billy isn’t far behind.  I have two boys from a previous marriage that I don’t see often enough – they are fourteen and fifteen and growing into young men.  We have a little longer with Katie, but when she crosses the threshold into school that first day, a bit of her life is lost to us as well.  I know we’ve forged bonds that will bring them back and keep us a family, at least I hope we have, but it will never be quite the same after 2009.

    In the coming year, then, I have a family-oriented resolution. I hope to pry myself from my job and my writing career and focus more of my time on making it a year we all remember – a good year that will bring us closer together.  Maybe next January 31st I can drop back in here and tell you how it went.

    David Niall Wilson

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    Difficult Conversations

    Parents and child
    Image via Wikipedia

    Today I had to have a difficult conversation with my daughters.  It was made harder because we live apart, they in the UK me here in the US.

    So over the phone I had to break the news that I had received only a few hours earlier, that their Grandmother, my Mother had passed away.

    My daughters are older – one is 20, the other just turned 18 two weeks ago.  This type of conversation is hard at any age face to face, the awkwardness of it over the phone made it seem even harder.

    Having broken the news to them, I was of course, concerned about them.  Were they upset, how would they take the news.

    What I found instead was that their concern was how was I? I was confused, I’m the parent, I’m the one that is supposed to be the strong one, the one that shoulders their concerns.

    Their concern for me reminded me that I too was someone’s child. That parenting isn’t a function of age and that your children can teach you about being a parent as much as you can teach them about being an adult, if you are prepared to be open to learning that.

    So I go forward into the New Year as an orphan, but instead of feeling only a sense of loss, I feel I have gained a knew insight, that my daughters have grown into wonderfully compassionate strong women – just like their Grandmother was and that as long as I remain open they, like her, have much to teach me.

    What will you learn from the difficult conversations you have with your Children?

    Image via Wikipedia
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    George Washingmachine And The New Year’s Revolution!

    Great entertainers like Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby recognized the attraction of the pure innocence and good humor of kids being kids.  When he was younger, my middle son Ethan (now 18)  seemed to be constantly auditioning for his own regular slot on “KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS.”  Some of my all time favorites were his insistence that our first (and cleanest) President was “George Washingmachine” and that every year, around this time, we gathered our pens and swords and prepared to make our “New Year’s Revolution!”

    In the spirit of my son’s New Year’s Revolution, here is a list of some New Year’s Resolutions for parents and families.  Hindsight is always 20/20 so it is easy for me to write these out now, although I wish that I had perhaps been more diligent myself in adhering to these suggestions over the years.  Most of these are painfully obvious, yet so easy to let slip by, so I hope you don’t mind me stating them here as a reminder for us all as we enter 2009.  These are suggested resolutions for parents, and for us parents to instill upon our kids.

    TOP TEN NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FOR PARENTS AND FAMILIES:

    1. Eat meals together as a family as much as possible (and with  NO TV, Phones, iPods or handheld games).
    2. READ. Books, comics, magazines, newspapers, anything and everything. Just READ.
    3. HUG more.
    4. Say “I love you” more.
    5. Exercise regularly.
    6. Eat healthier.
    7. Have more real conversations, and LISTEN.
    8. Stay in touch more with friends and relatives in other cities.
    9. Learn to play a musical instrument.
    10. Recognize what you have and be grateful, every day.

    How about you?  What are your family oriented resolutions?  What should be added to this list?   And as for those kids saying the darndest things, here is a classic clip of the late, great Art Linkletter.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © design56 – Fotolia.com

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    Wide Open Spaces

    “Wide Open Spaces” by the Dixie Chicks is a good companion piece to my previous post called “Toys in the Attic” which covered the pain of realizing your child has outgrown playing with their beloved toys. In this song, the parents have to come to grips with the sobering reality that their little girl is leaving the nest into the wild blue yonder known as life.

    The other scary part of this seems to be the fact that you know they will make “big mistakes” which is why you have to give them plenty of room to grow as adults, hence wide open spaces. Still, you hope that your children will remember all of the valuable lessons you’ve taught them, not just verbally but via actions as well. Perhaps through osmosis?

    My kids are still many years away from jumping ship but I’m already preparing for that day and making many pre-flight checklists. I’m trying to lead by example and by giving them little spaces to grow and make mistakes to learn from. Nothing major or dangerous, mind you, just little opportunities for growth for self-confidence. It’s also good practice for me in learning how to someday let go and let them fly away.

    WIDE OPEN SPACES

    Who doesn’t know what I’m talking about
    Who’s never left home, who’s never struck out
    To find a dream and a life of their own
    A place in the clouds, a foundation of stone
    Many precede and many will follow
    A young girl’s dream no longer hollow
    It takes the shape of a place out west
    But what it holds for her, she hasn’t yet guessed
    [Chorus:]
    She needs wide open spaces
    Room to make her big mistakes
    She needs new faces
    She knows the high stakes
    She traveled this road as a child
    Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
    But now she won’t be coming back with the rest
    If these are life’s lessons, she’ll take this test
    [Repeat Chorus]
    She knows the high stakes
    As her folks drive away, her dad yells, “Check the oil!”
    Mom stares out the window and says, “I’m leaving my girl”
    She said, “It didn’t seem like that long ago”
    When she stood there and let her own folks know
    [Repeat Chorus]
    She knows the highest stakes
    She knows the highest stakes
    She knows the highest stakes
    She knows the highest stakes

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    Tracking Santa with NORAD This Christmas Eve

    In 1955 a Sears & Roebuck store in Colorado Springs advertised for children to call and talk to Santa. Only trouble was that the misprinted phone number connected the children to the Commander in Chief of CONAD, responsible for the tracking of possible incoming ICBMs over North American airspace. Colonel Harry Shoup happily gave children updates as to Santa’s progress via CONADs radar systems and a tradition was born.

    For 53 years, NORAD has been tracking Santa’s trips from the North Pole and around the world and providing up to the minute updates on his deliveries. This year you and your children can track Santa with NORAD by visiting NORAD Track Santa where you will find real-time updates on Santa’s position, videos from his stops in various cities, and the option to track him with Google Earth in 3D.

    We have our Santa tracker already set up and are watching him make his way from the other side of the globe to our house. I hope he remembers to stop!

    Chris Webb is the father of two amazing sons, a self-professed (and proud) geek and perhaps enjoys Star Wars a little too much for someone his age. Professionally he is an Associate Publisher for John Wiley & Sons where he manages a global technology publishing program.  His publishing blog is http://ckwebb.com.

    In addition, he finds is slightly odd to write about himself in the third person.

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    Book review: Eat, Shrink & Be Merry!

    The first thing I realized when I took at look at Eat, Shrink, and Be Merry was that this wouldn’t be a book for guys. The tagline of the book reads “Great-tasting food that won’t go from you lips to your hips”. I mean please.

    Then I realized that while my hips were fine, my belly can be in the shape of a pot at times, which was quickly followed with the idea that men usually die before women in part because many of us will eat whatever is put in front of us.

    Now, I’m an avid cook. I’ve got about 30 cookbooks in all. And I’ve cooked for parties large and small. So I’ve come to appreciate how to put together good tasting meals and, while I think cooking is fun, I still want to learn.

    The book was written by two telegenic Polish Canadian sisters, Janet & Greta Podleski. They certainly have a lot of enthusiasm. The two have their own TV show on Food Network Canada and their website is right here. Essentially, they’re creating their one little media empire in print, television, and the web.

    The book is about 200 pages long with twelve reciped chapters such as “Hey, hey…We’re the Munchies!”, “Poultry in Motion”, “A Chorus Loin”, and “A Sweet Carb Named Desire”. Interspersed with the recipes are features such as “Return to Slender”, “Funky Factoid”, and “The E Files”. There’s not necessarily much difference between each feature, but they do give good advice on cooking, eating, and nutrition. And it seems as if each and every one was written carefully enough in a fun way to help the reader remember the content.

    I tried four recipes from the book. Most of them are relatively simple. I say that as someone who’s whipped up some pretty extravagant meals. But simple make sense here. The spirit is fun, not formal; convenient, not complicated.

    Bewedged, on p. 21, is baked whole wheat pita wedges with Parmesan and rosemary. They turned out pretty good, although some seemed to be more “well done” than the others. It’s a great snack that’s got only 1.4g of fat. Each wedge was 29 calories which quickly turned into 174 calories as I ate six of them. Made a meal out of it. Was watching football at the time. They’re good with beer.

    I had to try the “Pizza for the Upper Crust”. Thin sliced pizza. I really liked it, but, perhaps being a guy, I saw it more as an appetizer. Football again. Easy to eat a lot while you’re sitting down. Sort of kills the idea behind the book, but, well, football was on. I definitely recommend using fresh tomatoes and herbs for this. The flavor comes out a lot better.

    The third recipe I tried was “Dilly Beloved”. A chicken breast recipe that uses maple syrup, Dijon mustard, lemon juice and balsamic vinegar in the dill-based marinade. I really liked the marinade, but i think I did something wrong. I had never used maple syrup in a marinade before, so part of the marinade was thicker in some parts, thinner in others. I’ll try this one again. The marinade was tasty, but I want to do it right.

    The last recipe I tried was “The Great Pretenderloin”. Wos. The seasoning rub, which called for ingredients such as brown sugar, lemon zest, dijon mustard, and streak sauce worked together perfectly. I managed to time everything just right and it was delicious. It said to cook it for 45 to 55 minutes and the roast I picked out must have been the perfect overall thickness, because it came out juicy, but cooked through. I had leftovers for days.

    All and all, I’d say that it’s a great, fun book. Criticisms? They have a table under each recipe that shows calories, fat content, protein, carbs, etc. One thing that’s missing is “calories from fat”. That’s a mistake. It’s not the calories that will hurt you it’s where the calories are from. But at least they list the other attributes. Most cookbooks don’t. Probably because much of what you cook in them may be REALLY fattening.

    If you’re a guy and can get past the fact that it seems as if it’s specifically written for women, and you like to cook and you’re conscious about what you eat, then I’d recommend the book. It may be a good buy because it is written in a fun style and you can use it to help teach your kids better nutrition. That’s essential. It’s handy to have around because most of the recipes are simple enough and don’t require 328 ingredients…some of which you may not be able to find at your local grocery store.

    I’d say that I’d recommend this as a gift to a wife, a girlfriend, etc. But the problem there is that knowing the way many women are with their weight, I’d say some sort of clearance beforehand. Package the idea as health for the entire family. Subtle approaches like that can go along way. They won’t want to open up their gift to be greeted by the caption, “Return to Slender”.

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    How To Give Good Gift!

    When thinking about what to get my kids for the holidays I always try to put myself in their shoes and remember the gifts I received and how I felt about them when I was their age.  As kids grow up, the things that constitute a good gift may change dramatically, and as parents we should be cognizant of this and do our best to align the karma of our gift giving with the delicate state of our children’s gift receiving mojo.  After all, there are few things more annoying than giving a kid a gift that is clearly not appreciated.  They are KIDS, and even though you may have trained them well to smile and politely say “thanks,” you will instantly know if you hit the mark or struck out with your gift choice.  Been there, done that!

    IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SPEND, IT’S WHAT YOU SPEND IT ON

    I’ll never forget being about 11 and getting a gift from my Grandmother that was clearly aimed for a 9 year old!  Even worse, it was clothing for a 9 year old!  As my younger sister played with her age appropriate TOY, I sat in the corner and moped (until my grandfather had the clever idea of offering me one of the old classic book editions – MOBY DICK – that I had always admired on their bookshelf…)  Thinking back on this experience, I am inspired to share with you some simple guidelines for gifting kids.

    5 TIPS FOR “GIVING GOOD GIFT” TO KIDS OF ALL AGES:

    • TIP #1: IGNORE THE AGE GUIDELINES ON PACKAGING – the “For Ages blah blah blah…” that is printed on the packages of toys and games has no bearing on the habits and desires of actual human children.  It is determined by marketers and lawyers, mostly to prevent you from suing the toy company when your kid finds some creative, non-traditional, unexpected use for the item.  SOLUTION: Know your kid and what they like.
    • TIP #2: FOR INFANTS TO CHILDREN UP TO AGE 2 – get whatever you want.  They could care less and will be more interested in the wrapping paper and boxes it came in.  Good time to buy them clothes and stuff they will hate when they are older.  HINT: Don’t let them eat the wrapping paper. The bright holiday colors have no correlation to the taste or nutritional value.
    • TIP # 3: FOR AGES 3 to 11 – Get them anything that is geared for a kid at least 2 years older than they are provided it is gender appropriate and NOT CLOTHING or anything remotely useful or practical.  A new shirt is not a gift.  A Nintendo DS game is.
    • TIP # 4:  FOR AGES 12 to 18 – At the mid to high end of this range, you may actually get away with clothing and accessories as gifts, especially if the child in question has discovered the opposite sex and desires to impress them by looking and smelling somewhat stylish and presentable.  At the low end of this age group music, video games, sports equipment, and gadgets may be your best bet.  HINT: Ask!  They know what they want.  Get a few ideas so you can still surprise them (but from a pool of good choices).
    • TIP # 5: FOR AGES 18 AND ABOVE – Give them cash, and hope they will use some of it to buy you a gift for a change!

    Whether you follow these tips or not, good luck with your holiday shopping and have fun (and keep a few books around as backup gifts!)

    What do you think?  Any gift giving tips you would like to add?  Please share your thoughts in the comments!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © ioannis kounadeas – Fotolia.com

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    Toys in the Attic

    The scene in Toy Story 2 when Jessie tells Woody her story about the girl that owned her is a heartbreaking one for me every time I see it. I think it stings more with time as my three children continue to grow up and abandon their once beloved toys one by one. It’s such an emotional experience not because the child is saying goodbye to a toy but because they are in fact saying farewell to their childhood.

    The song “When She Loved Me” by Sarah Mclachlan was the perfect choice for this amazing scene. I think all parents feel the same way about this scene and the Toy Story series. I catch myself leaving it on in the minivan even when I don’t have any of the rugrats with me just because it’s a comforting and edifying sound to me. I know I will feel extra sad once the three year old gets over her immense love for Buzz, Woody and the gang just like her two older brothers did.

    So, this Christmas we will lavish all three with more toys and know that all too soon they will grow tired of them and abandon them and continue to grow up. Some toys eventually become donations, others broken and tossed away and the most beloved ones wind up in the attic. There’s nothing we can do about it either. All we can do is try to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

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    Worst of the Week: School Vote Delayed for Three Months

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    Last week I blogged about our Elementary school closing. Since that time we parents had a heated discussion this past Tuesday night with the Board of Education, the Superintendent and other officials. Many public comments were made in defense of the school staying open and/or not moving the 4th grade up to Middle School. Also, there were many sad stories from parents of special needs children and having to move them to new surroundings, thus interrupting their very important educational and social development. Mostly there was anger that there was no real specific plan formulated by the Independent Planning Commission to present to the Board and the parents. I attended the meeting with my wife, Patty, and we left with more questions then answers. In short it seems that the Board held the discussion just to please and patronize us parents and they will go ahead with the Planning Commission recommendation anyway.

    Last night, Thursday, the Board held another meeting to accept or reject the recommendation that our school and another school will be closed and these students will be integrated into the four Elementary schools that will be remaining open. The passionate comments from parents of our distinct and specifically our school seemed to have work for the time being. The Board will delay the vote for three months thus allowing everybody to acquire the information they need to make a more pragmatic decision.

    I feel that this is just delaying the inevitable. I sincerely believe that our school will be closed and Patrick will be attending Middle School next year as a 4th grader and then Erin will be attending a new school next year for 2rd and 3rd grades (Elementary) and then on to the Middle School for 4th.

    It has even gotten to the point were Patty and I talked at length about moving out of our district so our kids could have a more well balanced education. This is a last resort, but it’s an option that is quickly moving up the list.

    Truly a Worst of the Week in my book.

    I do need to know from any of you who have had experience with a 4-8 grade Middle School. What are the pros or cons? I really need as much information as possible. Thank you very much.

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    Holy Days vs. Holidays

    Tis the season to be… inundated with religious debate.  I’d like to lighten things up a bit and focus on how the Holidays can be Holy days for everyone, regardless of your particular beliefs.  As someone who is Jewish that married someone who is not, my kids were raised with exposure to both the Jewish and Catholic religions, and I personally learned a great deal and found it interesting and enlightening to “see how the other half lived” and participate in cultural and religious traditions and ceremonies that had not been a part of my own upbringing.  None of it changed or diminished my own personal beliefs, which are my own personal beliefs.  I hope that my kids have also benefited from a broader understanding and knowledge, and trust they will come to (or already have) their own personal beliefs and make whatever choices they believe works for them, with my love and support.

    COMMERCIALISM vs. COMMUNITY

    There is no question that the “Holiday Season” has been over commercialized, and it is increasingly difficult for us parents to veer the kids’ focus away from the notion of daily presents during the eight days of Hanukkah, or a pile of glittering gifts under the Christmas tree (and even worse when my kids were young – BOTH.)  All that is fine and good, as long as we don’t lose sight of the real value of the Holiday Season that has nothing to do with religion.  I used to be more of a “bah humbug” kinda guy, but as I have gotten older (and perhaps wiser) I am recognizing that the greatest part of the Holidays is that from Thanksgiving through the end of the year we are encouraged to think more about our community, charity, and helping others.  We are encouraged to smile more at strangers, to be more helpful and considerate, to wish everyone a “Happy Holidays.”  That is a good thing, and something we should not limit to the last 40 days of the year…

    DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY

    So this year, as we all tighten our collective belts and perhaps think twice about that big gift we might have considered in previous years, let’s put extra focus on the community part and make the Holidays count by going out of our way to be helpful, caring and considerate to everyone we encounter.  If we help our kids to do that too, they will be getting a present that will last far longer than the Holiday season.

    And of course, from my point of view, no Holiday Season would be complete without Adam Sandler’s classic “HANUKKAH SONG.”

    Happy Holidays!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © David Pruter – Fotolia.com

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    Slowing Down Christmas

    Christmas Breakfast

    I don’t about you, but as the kids got older it seemed Christmas morning went by faster and faster.  That is at least the opening gifts and stuff part went faster.  The kids got better at sorting the gifts, and opening them.  It was bad enough that they would get a head start a couple of times.

    My wife and I wanted to really enjoy Christmas more as a family, so we found a handful of ways to slow things down a bit on that important holiday.

    • No gift opening before 8 AM – believe it or not this is a big stress reducer.  We get to sleep in and so do the kids with no fear anyone will miss anything.
    • Each gift has to have the giver recognized – this is as simple as reading it aloud from the gift tag, but we added note taking to make sure the children could say appropriate thank you.
    • Pictures – the pre-opening tree and presents must be captured, and then the event of opening and giving gifts is captured as well.  Makes for real memories anchored by the photos as well.
    • Everyone gets some clothes on – no half dressed, shirtless, or underwear clad bodies sitting around the Christmas tree. This is good for many reasons; use your own imagination.
    • Food – yeah, we fix something easy on Christmas morning – usually like those cinnamon rolls in a tube. The more intriguing to the kids, the better. Some will want to eat a hot roll before doing anything else.
    They may not be original ideas, but they’ve worked for us.  Best of all, they work better as the kids get older.
    Happy Holidays,
    Todd
    ——————-
    Todd Jordan is a father of two men, and grandfather to three wonderful girls. He can be found on Twitter, and at his own blog, The Broad Brush, where he writes about social networking and more.
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    Christmas Tradition

    As I begin my first blog post with Dad-O-Matic, first I just want to welcome you the reader, and acknowledge my fellow Dad-O-Matic bloggers, as well as Chris Brogan and Paisono. Without them we wouldn’t have this awesome community of parents.

    Some background about me, I am a happily married husband of 11 years, and proud father of four absolutely wonderful, incredible, fascinating children. I have two girls and two boys. They were born in this sequence: girl, boy, boy, girl and are aged 11, 9, 4, and 2. How I met my wife is a romantic story in and of itself for another day.

    My life began in 1970. I grew up with older parents. My dad was 47 when I was born and my mom was 36. You might not think that’s older, but to a 15 year old who’s dad is 62 and mom is 51, it sure felt that way! My disclaimer, I will be 51 when my youngest is 15, so I hope to have some perspective! And for those of you in that situation now, don’t feel bad about it! I loved my parents, I was just slightly embarrassed one day when a friend asked if I was with my grandparents! One thing I do know, I benefited from having older parents; from the wisdom and patience my parents had for having already raised 6 other children. My sister closest to me in age is actually 8 years older than I. And oh, I am the only child between my parents. We were like the Brady Bunch! Needless to say, I truly am trying to remember how I felt as a child, and teenager growing up. While I do hear myself echoing things my parents said to me, I also do my best to tackle parenthood with a fresher perspective.

    From the fresher perspective category, growing up we didn’t have many traditions we followed during the holidays, other than the standard Christian traditions, such as recognizing Christ’s birth for Christmas and His resurrection for Easter. I do realize Christ’s birth and death are more monumental than a mere tradition, and I am not trying to downplay it. I am just trying to give you an idea of the lack of tradition in our house growing up. For example, my mom would be sure to put up a mistletoe, and we had the same Angel the capped the Christmas tree every year, and of course Santa got his milk and cookies. But the traditions were really limited. So when our first child came along, my wife and I decided we would start our own family tradition for Christmas. Something that we would do every year that would create a buzz around Christmas.

    I’m not sure where I got the idea. Christmas, for me, had become a very commercial holiday because the true meaning was lost when merchants realized the profits they could make. So for many years I was a bah humbug kind of guy. It may be, one year that was how my parents did it, or I may have heard from others that it’s how they did it. It was a great way to create some suspense for Christmas, and hopefully some lasting memories for our children. This tradition we adopted for our family doesn’t really place any emphasis on Christ’s birth, however we do take the opportunity to share the story of Christ’s birth with them every year. And we share with our children the importance of His celebration.

    So, you are probably wondering what this peculiar tradition is, correct? Well simply said, we do not put up our Christmas tree until the kids are in bed, asleep on December 24th. Every year on Christmas eve, I slip out, and I come home with the tree on top of the car. Sometimes I get a great deal on the tree as well! Then I hide it outside until the children go to bed. My wife usually wraps the gifts while I put up the tree. Then we will typically wake them around 3 or 3:30 am to show them Santa had visited and brought a tree for us too! The fatigue my wife and I have for being up so late is always erased by the smiles and excitement our children exhibit.

    We also go ahead and let the kids open up their presents, taking turns so each one can show us all his or her new gift. Then it’s back to bed! And one always is sure to check and see if Santa actually ate his cookies and drank his milk. What I do like about waiting to get the Christmas tree on Christmas eve is that it also reduces the “present envy” to a bear minimum because once they see the tree with the presents underneath, they are usually so excited that they just want to open them up. Then they are too busy playing with ALL the toys, that it doesn’t matter who got the BIG box.

    I hope you enjoyed a glimpse into our Christmas Tradition. What do you do?

    Visit me at www.charlieprofitradio.com. Find me on your favorite Social Network.

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    Video Game Buying Guide

    OK, that title is a bit pretentious..  Nonetheless, I know that most parents are not like me.  You see, I am an avid gamer, and even at 43 years old I have 5 consoles in my house.  Wait, actually that is four, one of the xBox 360s is in for repairs.  (My son has the other one, and he is rather protective of it, that said, he doesn’t know that I use his console after he goes to bed, don’t tell him…)  Anyway, some Dads are like me, but most I think buy games based on what their kid wants and “needs” rather than based on the appropriateness of the game.  So let us get to it.

    1. Know what console you have

    Yes I know this seems silly, but let’s say you are buying for a relative in another city, or frankly, that you don’t pay much attention.  Find out what console your kid or relative or whatever has.  Now there is some backwards compatibility in that original xBox games will play on the 360, but that is a hit or miss proposition.  The same is true of the Playstation 3, though it is even more complicated there.  Frankly, just get games that match the system.

    2. Read online reviews

    When you find out about a hot title, check out the various online review sites like gamespot and IGN.  Frankly a wikipedia search usually lists most of the review scores for games.

    3. Check the ratings

    The ESRB (The Entertainment Software Rating Board) actually does a really decent job of rating games.  You might want to avoid games rated M for mature and you almost certainly want to avoid games rated A for adult.  In our house, games rated T for teen are usually ok, even for our 7 year old son.  I have a couple of M games, Call of Duty: World at War and Grand Theft Auto 4.  I let him play COD, but not GTA IV.  GTA IV is a great game, but put it this way, would you let your kid watch the Sopranos?  Perhaps not, and frankly GTA IV is like being in the Sopranos.  (I could go on about how it is brilliant satire, as it is, but frankly, I would avoid buying it for a younger kid).

    4. Family games can rock, literally

    Rockband, Rockband 2, Guitar Hero etc, these are fun, and they are fun even for non gamers.  Games that let everyone participate can bring families together, and they are fun to boot.  Plus, you get to teach your kids about old bands you liked when you were a kid….. (“When I was young I liked Boston, but was afraid to admit it as it as not that cool, even then”).

    5. Educational games are often not that fun

    Games that are designed to be ‘educational’ are often not that great.  Indeed, Ken Perlin of NYU is now using off the shelf games in a recent project for education that I heard him speak about at a gaming conference.  I think the new Leapfrog Didj has some potential here, but I have yet to play with one.  (I will soon though, man I hope my son does not read this blog….)

    6. Ask

    I find the guys at our local game shop really helpful.  Now I know games, but I have seen them stop parents from buying GTA or Saints Row for kids simply by saying “how old is your child?”  They then explain the graphic content.  Just ask.

    I hope this helped a bit.  Do you have any other tips?  Throw them in!

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    Save Money in 2009 by Renting

    I was checking out various offers and ideas for what dads might want to do for 2009, and I stumbled across BookSwim, a site that lets you rent books and give them back when you’re done. It’s like Netflix for books, which seemed pretty cool to me, and further, they had children’s books. If you’re like me, you have mountains of books in your collection, and some are, let’s say, never going to be read more than once. Maybe renting’s a way to save a bit of loot?


    The other services that I use like that are Blockbuster and Netflix for movies, and I really think that the GameFly video game rentals are a great idea, too. It’s rare that you play a game after you solve it (maybe with the exception of things like Super Mario Galaxy and similar for the Wii), or Halo 3 for Xbox 360. So why not rent?

    There are plenty of things worth owning, but with books and video games, it makes sense to just rent them and give them back when you’re done.

    What do you think?

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    Becoming a Man: A Father of Boys watches "Twilight"

    Twilight has a major following among teen and tween girls (like my 12 year old niece who spent all Thanksgiving plowing through the books or my 17 year old niece who went to a midnight showing when it opened and told me it was “incredible”), but I think it’s also a movie that boys and fathers can learn something from.

    In case you don’t know, Twilight is a high school romance in which a human girl and a vampire boy fall in love with each other. Although very romantic (in the gothic novel sense of the word), the film is being seen as about, or at least a plea for, abstinence, although the act being abstained from is sucking the blood of another human being.

    What can dads learn from this aside from the fact that pepper spray is ineffective against sexual assailants, if they happen to be vampires? Well, it was summed up for me when the deathly pale paramour, Edward, was explaining why he didn’t want to give in to his powerful urges and drain the lovely Bella Swan’s body of life. He puts it rather bluntly, “I don’t want to be a monster.”

    He meant it very literally, but I heard in this not a struggle with the creatures of the night, but a struggle with his emerging male sexuality. The movie gives us a couple creepy glimpses into the monstrous side of male sexual energy, first in the form of a group of guys who accost Bella in a dark parking lot, and later in the guise of a psycho vampire/stalker who wants to torture and kill her while he videotapes the whole thing. True to conventional narrative form, she is rescued in both cases by Edward, but in the end, the men he confronts actually embody the violence and aggression he is so afraid of unleashing on the woman he loves.

    Our job as fathers is to make sure that our sons don’t become monsters. Obviously, men can be extremely monstrous (consult any morning’s newspaper or any given history book for examples), but I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about helping our sons become good, strong, compassionate, and thoughtful human beings. I think we can do this by talking with them about our experiences, our struggles, and our mistakes. We also do this by teaching them that it’s not a question of being ashamed or afraid of our feelings or our (occasionally) jack-ass-ish behavior and impulses.

    Instead, it’s about learning to listen to our feelings and the feelings of others as we become “men” in the best sense of the word: responsible, courageous, and wise.

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    Divorce and Kids during Christmas, Holidays can be GREAT!

    By Danny Guspie

    This is my personal story and journey.

    The first year that that my wife and I were separated was by far the most difficult Christmas ever.  At the time, I was a working dad as well as full-time single dad, and my olive branch gesture was to send the kids to my ex-wife for the big holiday. The kids had been missing their mom and were also looking forward to all the fixings at their grandparents.

    My mom and I spent the evening together and we really didn’t know what to do that Christmas Eve and finally decided to go to the movies. Godfather III was the big film release that year, it seemed ironic to be watching such a violent film when I was focused on Peace. At the time I thought to myself…. “I have never had such a low moment in my life”. I know my ex-wife felt the same way the next year when she sent the kids over to my house at 4:00pm on Christmas Eve.

    We managed to do it year to year, but it was far from perfect. Ultimately, we had to get really creative which lead to a new tradition where we would celebrate Christmas early and the kids loved that!

    My partner, Heidi and would just surprise the kids, and announce: “OK, it’s December 21st, let’s have Christmas today.” We would have such an amazing time simply because we didn’t get hung up on the idea that it had to happen a certain way or on a particular day. For younger kids who are waiting for Santa, you can explain that Santa starts early for families that have 2 homes, so that both families can celebrate with the kids when they visit! Remember to mention that Santa is a really smart guy!

    I really hope that you get to see your kids during December, but if you don’t, you need to carry on as if you will! Wrap the presents that you have bought, sign the cards and then store them in a hidden place in your home. If you haven’t bought any gifts yet get out there and shop, even though you think you might not see your kids.

    If you see little Johnny, (I’ll refer to “Johnny” because it is a common name) in March, you can put your Santa hat on and say, “You know what, Johnny? I have been waiting for this since December 25th. Ho-ho-ho, it is Christmas! Let’s go see what’s left under the tree.” You can have Christmas anytime. Your son or your daughter will be blown away that you didn’t forgot them because they may have been told something else by their mom.

    It is so important for your kids to know that you did not forget them – those waiting gifts can – in a split second – resolve their feelings of rejection and resulting low self-esteem. No matter the month, March, June, whatever month it is later on in the year it is still okay and can make a world of difference for a child. We know that this is not an easy situation, but remember that the sad feelings you have need to multiplied by 100 to equal how the children feel.

    In my own experience, I had to learn to let go of the idea the Christmas or Holidays had to be perfect. It was more important to create happiness for the kids and myself and their mother (my ex) – even when my ex was making the holiday difficult. I struggled every year and it was never perfect but we do have many happy memories. One of the things that I have come to realize over the years, especially now that Heidi and I are empty nesters, our kids are 28 and 23 – life is not perfect!

    I raised a stepson and a daughter and today they are making their own life in the world and we have to begin the process of sharing them with their new partners and someday they will have kids and we’ll be the grandparents.

    As extended family grows we won’t be spending every Christmas with them anyway. It’s all part of the process of life and one truth that I have learned, both as a child of divorce and as a divorced dad is that ultimately life does equalize.

    Many fathers who are shut out of the lives of their kids can lose faith that the situation will ever turn around, yet it most often it does when you least expect it.

    Why?

    Lets look at adopted kids – they eventually have a need to know where they came from and who their biological family is. If you have not been able to be an involved father for a significant amount of time, as your children mature they will want to know more about you and what happened that caused you to be absent.

    Rule #1 tell the truth, but without anger and blaming.

    Kids can figure things out. If your children have been primarily raised by your ex, they may have been told many untruths. Set your months / years of anger aside and start fresh to build a solid relationship with your children. 
If you allow your anger to surface, your children will assume your anger is directed at them, and you will have likely jeopardized your ability to re-connect.

    A pressure-free, guilt-free holiday is the best Christmas gift to give your kids. Recently our daughter told us about how important and special Christmas at her (maternal) Grandma’s was, partly because Grandma was getting older and as she pointed out “Grandma’s not going to be here forever”. I know that I’ll be here longer than her Grandma, so I understood and appreciated why our daughter wanted to spend Christmas there.

    As in every family, holidays can be difficult for many reasons. Our daughter was upset about a comment about me, from someone in her maternal family and it wasn’t her mother who said it, in fact, my ex defended me. Ultimately, our daughter said that she had sacrificed spending Christmas Day with me, but had to face unpleasantness from the family she did spend time with. The fact that she used the word sacrifice is significant.

    In these types of situations children have to sacrifice and that’s just not right. Our role as parents is to make the sacrifice knowing full well how difficult this can be for children – it’s our job to make it easier.
    Christmas and Holiday visitation nightmares can be made more manageable for the kids. It’s a gift that might initially be difficult to give, but it’s the most important gift, the gift of peace – which benefits the kids now and in the future.

    Remember that it’s hard to be a kid in a divorced family at this time of year. Do what you can to make it easier for your kids and they will love and appreciate you in an entirely new way.

    Danny Guspie co-hosts a weekly TeleSeminar for Divorced Dads,
    with his partner, Heidi Nabert, on Sundays 8pm Eastern / 5pm Pacific

    http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.net

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    Give That Kid A Squeeze! (or Vice Versa)

    I have written here before about 4 letter words.  My big son Zach just reminded me of a very important 3 letter word – H U G.   As he was leaving the house he asked me for one.  My first reaction was, “You’re too old for that…”  Zach, after all, is 20.  He also really is my “big” son.  A former High School Wrestler, Zach towers over me at more than 6 feet tall (I am an “average” 5 foot 9).   He insisted, “Come on, Dad, you never give me hugs anymore!”  What’s a father to do?  I complied.

    SEIZE THE DAD – ER, DAY

    As Zach wrapped me in his best bear hug grip and lifted me up off the floor I was overwhelmed.  When he gently placed my feet back on the kitchen tile (and I could breathe again) I gave him my version of a far more gentle hug and thanked him and told him I loved him.  As I heard the front door close and the sound of him starting his car, I still relished in the warmth of his hug.  I stood there and wondered how it is that the little human I used to hold over my head in one hand, who regularly peed in my face as I struggled to get the right part of his diaper in the right place before peeling back the sticky tab… how could that same little child now lift me into the air with barely an effort.  Parenthood truly is a wonderful, miraculous thing!

    NEVER TOO LATE, NEVER TOO MANY

    As Zach proved to me, your kids are never too old to need a hug, and we are never too old (and it’s never too late) to give one.  So go for it.  Give that kid a squeeze!  You won’t be sorry.

    And thinking about hugs, I have to share one of my all-time favorite music videos, featuring some awesome hugs by 30 ROCK star Judah Friedlander (and a great song by The Dave Matthews Band).  The embed code is disabled so click here for the video.

    How about you?  Do you hug your grown kids?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © George Mayer – Fotolia.com

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    It Could Be Worse: She Could Want a Pony.

    Today’s the day my wife and I learned that leaving the TV on in the morning while we get dressed for work is leaving quite an impression on our 5-year-old daughter – and we’re going to have to change our morning habits.

    You see, for several months, our daughter has wanted a dog for the holidays.  Not a real dog mind you.  But what appears to be the most advanced (and possibly most expensive) digital dog on the market: Fur Real Friends’ My Lovin Pup Biscuit.

    Amazon.com

    Source: Amazon.com

    He’s cute and cuddly and all and, according to the product features listed on Amazon.com, seems like the perfect pet:

    • Playtime is going to the dogs and this playful pooch is leading the charge! The lovable mutt features voice recognition, obeying six commands, including, “Sit”, “Speak”, and “Lie down”
    • Tell your furry friend to give you his paw and he’ll raise his right or left paw ask him if he wants a treat, and he’ll nod and whimper to let you know he’s ready for his dog “bone”
    • Biscuit my lovin’ pup pet will even “shake” at your command, lifting his paw to your hand or sit up and beg, just like a real pup
    • Biscuit my lovin’ pup pet wags his tail and barks, too, to let you know he’s ready to play
    • Use the special adoption certificate to register your pet online and ensure that you and this adorable pup will be friends forever pup pet comes with collar, tag, brush, dog “bone” and adoption certificate

    We’ve told her it’s a possibility that she’ll get Biscuit for the holidays, but that s/he’s expensive and we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.  That answer didn’t sit well, as we expected it wouldn’t with most 5-year-olds.  She started volunteering more often for chores to see if she can get a raise on her weekly $1 allowance (she can’t), counting the money in her piggy bank and thinking of all sorts of other ways to get enough money so this dog can be her new pet.

    And she noticed she’s coming up short.  That’s where the early morning TV comes into play.  You see, while we’re tuning out the commercials as we get ready for work each day, our daughter isn’t.  She’s listening intently.  In fact, it seems she’s paying more attention to the commercials than the broadcast.

    Today, my wife found her sorting through her jewelry box, putting things that looked like gold into one pile and everything else into another.  When pressed on what she was doing, she simply told my wife that she was doing what the man on the TV said to do – she was getting all of my wife’s gold jewelry together so that we could mail it in and get free money that we could use to buy Biscuit.  So clearly, we need to source our morning weather and traffic information from a new source, perhaps the radio.

    But more importantly is what to do about Biscuit?  As we debate the merits of buying Biscuit vs. having our daughter continue to work towards contributing financially to it to not buying it at all, I’m wondering, what would YOU do?  Down the road, will our daughter have a bigger life lesson by having played a part in contributing financially to this gift?  Will that take away any of the specialness such holiday gifts often bring?  Or should we completely shelve it as a gift and find ways to make her understand how hard it is to earn more than $100?

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    How A Blackberry Turned My Kid Into A Poet

    I recently switched from a Blackberry to an iphone and before I did, I checked the memo section of my Blackberry to see if there was anything I needed to clear out or transfer.

    It was packed. Not with memos. And, not by me.

    The memo section was wall to wall with songs and poems written by my 7 year old daughter. Granted, she’s a bit of a hacker in training, but it revealed to me something really interesting.

    When you hear about the impact of smart phones on family time, it’s usually in the form of complaints about how these devices tether us to work and steal away treasured family time. Often to the point of near-addiction.

    No doubt, these can be valid criticisms. Many people do have trouble drawing the line between work and personal time and smart phones can taunt us past that line ever more easily.

    But, what I discovered, through my daughter’s Blackberry bardhood, was that they can also be tapped to inspire kids to engage in creative activities they’d normally never explore without that technology. Because adding technology or gadgets to an activity adds a fun/coolness factor that, for many, wasn’t there before.

    So, while my daughter doesn’t generally write songs or poems and she doesn’t journal on paper, put a Blackberry or iPhone in front of her and she becomes a possessed Shakespeare in training. Plus, because she actually has fun trying to figure out how to use the smart phone on her own, it teaches her problem solving and troubleshooting skills, too.

    All of which makes me wonder, how else might us dads be able to turn perceived technological weapons of family destruction into devices that inspire creativity and problem-solving in our kids?

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    Ten Holiday Tips For Divorced Dads

    The holidays can be bittersweet for Dads on the backside of any divorce, even a “good one.” I’ve been doing it for a while, and thought I’d use a post to reflect on what I’ve learned about how to manage the bad, and maximize the good.

    1. Never make your kids choose between their two families.

    My first tip can be a tough one, especially if the divorce was ugly (mine wasn’t,) but it’s essential. It’s been pretty well documented you should never say anything negative about your kid’s Mom, but it might be less obvious you should never make your kids decide who they want to be with for the holiday, which is the equivalent of asking them which of their families they like the best right now. In response to anything comparative between families, in fact, the best thing to do is say, “That’s ok, but you know both of your families love you very much, and you will never have to choose between them.” Your kids will thank you when they grow up – just ask anyone who grew up with divorced parents.

    2. Never split the holiday.

    You’ll be tempted to “split the holiday” at some point, if you live close enough. Maybe Christmas Eve with Mom through breakfast, then over to Dad’s for dinner. Sounds great, right? Wrong. It means you’ll be taking your kids away from their toys on Christmas morning, and that you’ll all end up spending more than anyone wants to in between places you actually want to be. Bite the bullet and accept you won’t see them every other year, it’s really just a few days (more on this later.)

    3. Plan like a communist, in 5-year increments.

    OK, so now that you and your kid’s Mom have responsibility for deciding where they’ll spend the holiday, and you’ve both accepted you’re only going to have them every other year, get out your calendar. This seems easy at first.. but believe me, if you remarry, and you spend every other Christmas with your in-laws, and have your kids every other year, somebody’s going to miss out. And it will be your fault, my friend.

    4. Skip the filial pentathlon.

    So now you have them, and there are lots of relatives they didn’t see for the holiday last year. Do you break out the mittens and hit the road for Auntie Lala’s, then Grandma’s, then Uncle Tootsie’s house? No, you don’t. Same principle as number 2 – a good intention that leads to a crappy holiday. You’re together with your children, Dad. Go where you want to be, settle in and stay there, until the last of the chestnuts are gone.

    5. Coordinate gifts.

    Make sure and coordinate gift giving with your ex. Your kids will ask for the same stuff from both of you, and if you don’t want them to get two Fireman Fred Action Figures and no Arnie the Astronaut Action pack, just send her an e-mail and figure out what’s on the list and who’s buying what.

    6. Give something away.

    I like to tell my kids that in everything good there is something bad, and in everything bad there is something good. The good thing in divorce is that you invariably end up having 2 (or more!) Christmases, which typically results in double the presents. I’ve seen it get a little crazy for kids of divorce… with both sides soothing their guilt with their Amex, and neither expecting the same from the other.

    If you’ve figured out how to avoid this, let me know. In the meantime, we ask our kids to choose one gift each year, and give it to a child who has much less than them, who might not even be getting a present for Christmas. It at least connects them to the fact that there are less fortunate kids out there, and if you’re doing your job, you’ll find they choose a better and better present as they get older.

    7. They’ll remember what’s in the pictures.

    This might seem a little petty, but take lots of pictures when you have your kids. Maybe even make them an album of the holiday. You’ll never be sure if it’s for them or for you, but do it anyway.

    8. Build a seasonal tradition.

    Christmas is a season, not just a day. One great way to create some continuity in the years you don’t have them is to come up with a seasonal tradition that’s special for you. Make a big deal of decorating the tree. Carole for the neighbors. Make Timpano, watch Rudolph, whatever. Just pick something special for the weekends you have them in December, and do it every year.

    9. One-on-one time.

    Economies of scale are for electronics. If you have more than one child, try and make time for each of them individually at the holidays. Watch a special movie together with one, take a walk with the other, run to the store to get egg nog with the third. They’ll appreciate the alone time with Dad, and so will you.

    10. Have fun yourself.

    Last – and not least – do what you need to do to have some fun yourself. This is another hard one for me. In the years I have all my kids I go overboard trying to make everything perfect, instead of kicking back, having a cocktail, and just enjoying it. I’m determined to do better next time.

    So that’s my list, with young kids, and circumstances which are no doubt unique to me. You may have had similar experiences… what have you found helpful, and what mistakes can you help others avoid?

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    Creative Gift Buying for Teens

    Holiday Gocco Gift tags - Nature - set of 5

    Buying gifts, whether they are for Birthday’s, Christmas or just general tokens of affection gets harder as your children grow up. My two daughters are especially difficult to buy for. There are two reasons for this, one they are both in their late teens / early adult hood (one turns 18 next week, one turned 20 in September), the other is that they live 5000 miles away in the UK.

    Whats New?

    Trying to keep up with their interests was hard enough when we all lived in the same house, it became harder when I left but was living in the same country, at least then I could watch the same TV programs and get some idea of what they might be interested in. Now they are older and are further away I find myself scratching my head all the more. How do I even begin to find out what they are into? Where do I look for clues?

    Technology To The Rescue

    Enter technology, specifically in the form of Facebook. I love reading the new posts that both my daughters make to Facebook. Seeing photographs of parties, gigs and other events that they attend. What I hadn’t thought of was how much the comments that they make can reveal about them and what they are into.

    I recently discovered that my 17 year old was really smitten with the Microsoft Zune MP3 player. She prefers it to the iPod. She has always been an iconoclast in training and this was another manifestation of it. Well so what? Well firstly great present idea for her up coming birthday, secondly I found out you can’t buy the Zune in the UK yet.

    Off to the Internet I go and track down a great deal from Amazon, a 120GB Zune with a clear acrylic case for less than the local electronic big box is asking for the 80GB Zune on its own.

    Its All In The Presentation

    Now this might seem an easy cop out. Buy a gift online, wrap it up and mail it off. If I had left it at that, I would agree, and probably so would my daughter. Which is why that isn’t what I did. Being a distant Father means you miss out on a lot. Would I rather be there with my daughter on her 18th Birthday, absolutely, but unfortunately I can’t be. So how to close the gap just a little? Yes you guessed it technology again. Once the Zune arrived I carefully unpackaged it and read the instructions. I had no idea just how cool this little box was. What I did was to download the driver to my laptop, setup my video camera and record her a birthday greeting, I sang Happy birthday (she might not think that is a treat with my voice), included our cats and dog (all of whom she met on a recent visit this summer) and generally tried to get the point across that this was more than just a gift for her birthday, this was me attempting to bridge the miles, and the years and let her know how special she is.

    So my tip for gift buying, especially for Teens? Personalize it, make it not just personal to them but show them your personal side, show them that you weren’t just buying something cool, but that you put something of you into it.

    Image by Sarah Parrott via Flickr
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    Tell Them They'll Be Famous

    My daughter is six. She’s having a bit of trouble fitting in at school, and frankly, with us. I know the reason, though. She’s going to be famous.

    It’s true. I can tell. She’s creative, a true outlier, someone who doesn’t even know there is a trend, let alone that she’s bucking it.

    And she’s fricken annoying. Which means that she’s destined to be famous. Two words: Jennifer Lopez in Gigli (okay, four words). She’s famous. See?

    So, if your kid isn’t exactly fitting in, tell them they’re going to be famous. And watch this song by the Lascivious Biddies.

    CAUTION: They say “t!ts” once, so if you’re that kind of parent, cover your kids ears at the right spot. Otherwise, no other trauma should ensue. (Oh, unless the line “slit the throats of my enemies” is considered offensive, too.)

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    ET Had It Right: Phone Home!

    Phone Home!

    In this age of email, text and instant messages, it is easy to forget the power of your voice. It is easy to forget the simplicity and impact of a phone call. We are spoiled by the instant connections we make online. Spoiled by the ability to tell the world what we are doing by updating our statuses on Facebook and Twitter. It is easy to forget that your family isn’t necessarily interested in observing your life 140 characters at a time. They want more. They want you. They want to hear your voice.

    REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE…

    AT&T had it right too. A phone call has the ability to touch someone in a way that few other forms of communication can. Voice is powerful. Voice has tone, nuances and inflections that can never be conveyed as richly in the written word. I have written how my kids and I text each other constantly, even when we are all at home, but this Thanksgiving I was reminded how important phone calls are too.

    MINUTES THAT LAST FOREVER…

    For the first time in many years, my kids and I stayed home in Florida this year, while the rest of our family was elsewhere (New York and Mexcio). As we were in the car, driving to the Biltmore Hotel for our Thanksgiving dinner (yeah, instead of making Turkey we made reservations… so sue me!) we made a point to call the kids’ grandparents to wish them Happy Thanksgiving. To me it seemed like no big deal, and the appropriate thing to do, but as I heard the kids talk to their grandparents I could hear the love and joy in the voices of their grandfathers and grandmother. When they told me how much they appreciated hearing from the kids and how wonderful it was to speak with them I realized that emailing pictures is not enough. My kids need to call their grandparents more frequently, and as parents, it is our job to make sure our kids actively connect with family members that are not in our town. All three of my kids have their own mobile phones and I am going to encourage them to use them as they were originally intended, for voice calls, especially when it comes to staying in touch with family members. They can text their friends, but they need to start calling their relatives.

    How about you? Do you make sure your kids regularly speak with out of town relatives? Voice your opinions in the comments! Or give me a call!

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: James Steidl

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    Social Media Charity

    This is my first contribution to Dad-O-Matic (Howdy Everyone!) I realize everyone is busy with Holiday planning,but please take a moment and wander down this thought with me for a second.

    As a social media guy, I wanted to help everyone take a moment of thought and finalize it with a moment of action. This is a great way to understand the “why” of life and learn a little bit about yourself. The whole holiday of Thanksgiving is actually a very amazing example of why social media reaches across so many different cultural and social boundaries: in my industry you find enthusiasm, gratitude, common goals, and inspirational people every single day.

    Looking at the real world:

    As individuals, we may not have a lot of strength. As a group, we have untold might. Here in America, our forefathers understood this with the statement of “United We Stand”

    This is an amazing lesson to teach our children. [Read more...]

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    Helping Our Kids Grow

    As parents, we all want what’s best for our children. Education, health, happiness – all these and more are top of our lists when it comes to our kids being happy and having the best start in life. Yet we also need to understand that at times we may not always be going the right way at making these things happen.

    Children are fast learners, and what they learn from us goes a long way into shaping who they become. Helping them grow while letting them grow is so important – sometimes it’s easy to make the little mistakes that might mean a lot to our kids.

    • Kids will make mistakes. Heck, we’re still making mistakes as adults! Just because our kids make a mistake doesn’t mean they’re not trying their best. If we allow them to make their mistakes and support as opposed to chide, they’ll learn faster and won’t be afraid to try new things.
    • The way we respond to the mistakes our children make can make things worse. We shouldn’t be coming out with accusatory messages like, “How could you do that?” or “What were you thinking?”. Instead, let’s try and see the positive each time and help our kids understand why it was wrong and how it can be worked around.
    • Admit to our own mistakes. If we get something wrong, let’s admit to it instead of trying to look for someone or something else to blame, and let our kids see that we were wrong. Knowing that we can admit to making mistakes will help them realize making mistakes isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but something to learn from and improve on.

    Like I said earlier, children grow up fast so we only have a small window to play with. Let’s make it count.

    Danny Brown is father to a beautiful daughter and owner of Press Release PR, a boutique agency specializing in search engine optimized press releases and social media PR. He is also a blog partner of the iEntry and WebProNews network and an avid supporter of Toronto FC. Say hello to him on Twitter.

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    How To Raise A Rockstar!

    Ethan Sass, the budding - er, sleeping Rockstar...

    Ethan Sass, the budding - er, sleeping Rockstar...

    There is lots of talk about Rockstars here and here, but I am going to talk about the Rockstar under your roof… the Rockstar you are raising.  I have three Rockstars in my house, and only one of them is a musician.  The musician, my middle son Ethan, is an accomplished guitarist and studies music in college.  He may well become the the kind of Rockstar we listen to on our iPods.  But my other non-musician kids are Rockstars too.  They are the Rockstars of whatever it is they want to pursue, whatever it is that captures their interest and passion.  They are Rockstars because I tell them they are.  They are Rockstars because I believe in them.  They are Rockstars because I love them.

    RAISE ROCKSTARS, NOT HELL!

    To help them become Rockstars I encourage my kids to pursue their dreams, to do whatever they want to do, and to do it as best they can.  I encourage them to pursue their dreams with three P’s: Pride, Passion and Professionalism.  When I see them doing that I do my best to praise them and lift them up (and tell them to try again if something doesn’t go quite the way they expected it to – because Rockstars keep at it).  Rockstars don’t give up, they practice more.  They learn new tricks and try different things.  Rockstars are confident.  While they thrive on the praise and adoration of others, they don’t need it.  They KNOW they are that good.  A Rockstar knows how to pat themselves on the back if that’s what it takes to plow ahead toward a goal.  As a parent it is my job to be the manager, agent and producer.  It’s my job to make my kids feel like Rockstars every opportunity I can.

    Whether they ever touch an instrument or microphone or not, I WANT my kids to be Rockstars.  Don’t you?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Throw a Daddy Shower (but pick a better name)

    I posted this idea to the other dads on the Dad-o-Matic email list and a few folks thought it was a fun idea.  I know Clay at DadLabs (awesome site if you don’t know it) has also talked about this I believe.  My friend Rick Trader and I were musing a few years back about the fact that Moms get to have awesome baby showers with gifts, a party, bonding, etc., and dads get…to carry stuff home from the party.

    Here’s the thing if you haven’t been to a shower yet (men or women) – the main reason they’re awesome in my estimation is the advice friends give.  The stuff is great, sure, and you can NEVER get enough diapers.  But for our two kids, my wife had showers where people told her tons of great tips, told stories, and even prayed for her.  I was genuinely envious (in a loving, husbandy kind of way).

    So Rick and I thought there should be a trend for Dads to throw each other showers (Clay at DadLabs recommended “Keggers”).  We went so far as to wonder how you could create a product to help dads throw said events and ended up with (I kid you not) a cigar box filled with a DVD (tips for new dads), movie coupons (to get him out of the house), and a number of refrigerator magnets with Dad-friend names on them he could call in an emergency.

    It’s that last item we thought might really have traction, if dads were into actually letting other guys know they needed their help (which we all do, especially as new dads, whether we admit it or not).  The idea here was that friends of the new dad each volunteered to help out with a central aspect of daddydom for their friend, and the fridge magnets simply have their phone number and what they’ll do when the new dad needs them.  So for instance, magnets might say:

    • Steve – Two diaper runs on short notice
    • Chris – My teenage daughter will give you/your wife a date night
    • Bob – My wife will hang with your wife/kids while we see a movie
    • Etc.

    We also liked this idea because it extended beyond the shower event to let a guy know his buddies would support him in the trenches (aka “poop”) when his son/daughter arrived.  The other component of the event itself was that each guy was asked to write down a story/bit of advice on fatherhood they had (either from their dads or if they were fathers themselves) to contribute at the Daddy Shower. And the event itself could happen at a bowling alley, restaurant, bar, after a movie, etc.  The important part was letting a guy feel like he WASN’T ALONE.

    But we do need a better name.  Do you have one?  Leave a comment and start a trend!

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    Worst of the Week: You’ve Got Junk Mail

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    Well it was just a matter of time – Patrick, my eight year old, is now getting junk mail. It all started Tuesday when he received an oversized manila envelope from Canton. Ohio. It looked very official and was thick with material. I opened it to find a few different things:

    1) A nice full color brochure featuring a “Quartz Infrared Portable Heater”.
    2) A 4 page professional letter from the Director of Product Development telling Mr. Patrick Marshall that he could save 50% on heating bills this winter.
    3) Testimonials from satisfied customers.
    4) A Fact Sheet of the featured product.
    5) An Authorized Discount Claim Form.
    6) A return envelope.

    OK, first things first, it didn’t bother me that he got the mail. I have signed up Patrick for at least two magazines in his name (Highlights and Sports Illustrated for Kids) and I know that magazines sell the names they collect to companies that deal in such business practices. But it just looked out of place. I could see him getting a toy catalog or an ad for Zoo Books or something like that but a portable space heater accompanied by all this paper just seemed a bit much. So I decided to give the Customer Service number a call to see what I could find out.

    I told the first woman my situation and said that she would take his name off the list. Fine. Good. I fully expected that, but how was he put on the list in the first place? She quickly gave me a number to someone else in CS. BTW, she couldn’t transfer me. Give me a break.

    The second guy was much more helpful and told me that he and the first woman I spoke to was just a phone bank to answer overflow calls that the company couldn’t answer right away. This is not uncommon. Many companies can handle only so many calls and do need to outsource support. Anyway, he put me in direct contact with a person at the company.

    That guy was empathetic to my inquiries and he too understood as a parent the importance of protecting children. As he was digging we both were wondering if Patrick was the victim of identity theft. It turned out that wasn’t the case – thank goodness. We did find out that one of our relatives bought Patrick one of those commemorative coins (a few years ago) in his name. This company bought the list of buyers and with it came full names and addresses. That’s how we received their package.

    Patrick’s name is taken off the list but his name is still floating out there, somewhere. It’s 99% impossible to stop now. I wonder how many times his name has been bought and sold in his short life.

    The moral, if any, is to be careful and conscious as to what you sign your kids up for with their information.

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    How RSS Can Help Protect Your Wee Ones

    RSS icon girl

    RSS icon girl by Geek Mom Heather from Flickr

    Do you understand how to use RSS (Real Simple Syndication)? We bloggers often assume that you do, but not everyone does. Don’t be ashamed, we all have to learn some time.

    Darren Rowse explains RSS well on his Problogger blog, as does Common Craft in their video: RSS In Plain English. Finally, watch the video: Google Reader in Plain English to get a clear understanding of how to use Google to manage your feeds.

    ———

    Are you back? Do you understand now? Great! So, how can RSS help protect your wee ones? It’s simple.

    Subscribe to this feed: http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prerelchild.xml. It’s the US Consumer Product Safety Commission – Recent Child Related Product Recalls feed. It’s updated frequently and is a great source for information that you should have, especially with the holidays looming.

    Did you know you can use RSS to easily subscribe to this (or any) blog? It’s very easy to do. To subscribe for free just click this image:

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    A good man revisits his difficult youth

    My son is experiencing regrets.

    Ben is 27 and, not too long out of the U.S. Army (he served in the Iraqi Freedom invasion force with the 101st Airborne), is planning a July 2009 wedding while going through the process of starting a career in law enforcement. He has gone through the application process, a written exam (known as the POST test), the personal interview, and a physical exam. Still to come, before he can enter the academy, is a physical ability test, which doesn’t worry him, and the submission of a document that lists anything that might disqualify him.

    That worries him.

    Candor underlies this form. If you fail to list anything that surfaces in a background check, you’re history. Not only will you never work for this department, it’s unlikely you’ll ever work for any department; your untruthfulness will follow you wherever you go.

    So Ben is dredging up his youth. It hasn’t been a pleasant experience.

    Not that he was a bad kid. He was never arrested. He never got into drugs or alcohol. I’ve been reassuring him that there’s really nothing in his past that could keep him from his goal of becoming a police officer. But he had authority issues, which included him mom and me (not an issue here) and teachers (which is the issue here). Because teachers wanted him to learn, he more or less refused. He was a distraction to other students and was bounced from one school to another, winding up at a school for low achievers.

    If the phone rang at home during school hours, there was a good chance it was the school calling about Ben. We had parent-teacher meetings about as often as some people go to the movies. We frequently picked him up early after he was sent home for one problem or another. He exasperated us, especially his mother who was home during the days coping with it while I went to work.

    We tried counseling. Doctors. Medications. More counseling. More doctors. Different medications. Running out of options, we finally took the big step and got Ben admitted to Boy’s Town for his senior year of high school.

    Yeah, that Boy’s Town, the one portrayed in the movie with Spencer Tracy and Mickey Rooney, the one located in Omaha, Nebraska.

    It wound up being a great experience for him, essentially turning his life around. He came home and got a trained as a massage therapist while figuring out what he really wanted to do. Then the World Trade Center towers fell on September 11, 2001, and Ben enlisted in the U.S. Army. He came through basic training at Fort Bening, Georgia, with flying colors and was assigned to the storied Screaming Eagles, based at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, as a combat infantry soldier.

    While nobody was considering Iraq as a potential destination, Afghanistan was certainly on their minds. But events unfolded as they did and Ben found himself shipped out to Kuwait to await the order to cross the border and begin the long road to Baghdad (which included stops at most of the key battles you’ve heard of: Karballah, Al Narjef, and so on). The night before the invasion orders were issued, Ben called and told his mom he was sorry for everything he’d put her through. She cried for two hours.

    Ben distinguished himself in Iraq. He earned a variety of citations, including the Army Medal of Commendation. I read through his paperwork when he came home, after which I told him he should never let his mother read these papers. They spoke of valor, courage, and heroism. They characterized him as a leader, a model for other soldiers to follow. One citation told of his putting himself in the line of fire to rescue an Iraqi woman and child. It is the graphic descriptions of actual events that make me think Michele will never sleep again if she knows what kind of danger Ben put himself in on a regular, day-to-day basis.

    From the very first rumblings that the U.S. might go to war in Iraq, I was opposed to it, and remain so. At the same time, I can’t begin to express the pride I have for my son (and, by extension, for all our young men and women who behaved nobly and honorably in the performance of their duty).

    But now, as he slogs through reams of paperwork, his behavior 15 to 20 years ago is coming back to haunt him. And all Michele and I can do is reassure him that none of his adolescent misadventures can possibly overshadow the man he has become, diminish his accomplishments, or sully his character. Any police department would be proud — and lucky — to have him. His record will show that.

    I tell this story for any of you dads (or moms, for that matter) whose young kids are driving you to distraction now, leaving you to wonder what will become of them. You see, through all the difficult times, I never doubted Ben would turn out great. As his dad, I could see through his temporary state and envision his potential. If you never stop loving your kids, stand by them, and never give up on them, they’ll turn out fine. Better than fine. They’ll choke you up with who they become and what they achieve.

    Trust me. I’m speak from experience.

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    Be A Great Person And You Will Be A Great Parent

    Age is a funny thing.  From a purely physical perspective our vision technically deteriorates with age, however from every other aspect I believe our true “vision” grows sharper and more clear the older we get.  One thing in particular that I find our aged vision makes it much easier to see is the deep connections we have with our children (and our parents for that matter).  As I have gotten older, I see more and more of my dad in myself.  This is true from both a behavioral and a physical standpoint.  Perhaps this is because I am at an age that matches the age of my dad in many memories and my “mind’s eye” physical image of my dad from my own childhood.  Perhaps it is just that, as I am now a seasoned parent myself, my dad and I have more in common at this age.  The stories I share with him about my kids –  his grandchildren –  are in most cases sequels or remakes of very similar events and stories in his own experience with my sister and I.

    YOU DON’T NEED A MIRROR TO SEE YOURSELF IN YOUR CHILDREN

    In a similar fashion, as my own children have gotten older it is at times almost shocking how much of myself I see in them.  Of course, there are the purely physical traits that demonstrate the miraculous power of DNA.  A year or so ago, on a whim, my oldest son Zach decided he was going to create a podcast, “Zach Attack.”  He recorded exactly one episode, which I still have buried on my 80gb iPod.  The other day at work, with my iPod playing random music in “shuffle” mode, the Zach Attack podcast came on.  My first reaction was, when did I record that?  It was MY VOICE I was hearing.  When he speaks to me, I don’t think that Zach and I sound alike, but when his anonymous recorded voice burst forth from my little Logitech speakers, I truly heard myself, and had to pause.

    THEY DO AS YOU DO, NOT AS YOU SAY

    Physical, genetic similarities are fascinating, but they are hardly the full story.  Regardless of any biological connections, by raising your children I believe you are providing an even greater influence that over the years shapes your childrens’ behavior, beliefs and attitudes.  This is not to say that they aren’t unique individuals with their own points of view, and that they won’t have behaviors and opinions that are far different from, and perhaps even diametrically opposed to your own.  They are and they will.   But in broad strokes, at their core, I believe children naturally take on a great deal from the behavior of their parents.  And it is our behavior that counts, not what we say.  As parents, we love to lecture, and I am as guilty as anyone of trying to change my kids’ habits by laying down the law with words.  However, as I have gotten older and see more of myself in my kids I realize that in the end, it is not what I have said to them that I see.  I see myself in my kids because I see that it is the things I have done, and my real behavior, both good and bad, that has imprinted itself on them.

    With that in mind, I am more conscious now of the examples I set for them with my actions, and I am less concerned with the “lessons” I think I can teach them with words.  If I expect them to be loving and compassionate, I need to be loving and compassionate with them and in front of them.  If I expect them to drive safely and responsibly, I need to drive safely and responsibly.  If I want them to grow up to be good citizens and respectful of others, I need to be a good citizen and respectful of them and others.  Perhaps it is because they are older and understand things more maturely now, but I find I am much more concerned with how they perceive my actions now than I was when my kids were younger.  It may have taken me a long time for it to really sink in, but I think I have finally come to realize that the key to being a good parent is to simply be a good person.  The rest will fall into place.

    Do you agree, or am I just spewing forth a load of BS?  How do you see yourself in your kids?  Do you see them influenced more by your words or your actions?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: Alexander Vasilyev – Fotolia.com

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    Worst of the Week: Homework Time

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    I mentioned last week that Erin (6) was not motivated while participating in actual soccer games. I want to thank everyone for the advice and I will take it all into consideration when going into the spring season.

    What I didn’t tell you was that she also has trouble getting her school work done in a timely manner. She’s very bright and she doesn’t need instruction but she does need a bit of nagging by the teacher and with us at home in order to get finished quickly.

    I can tell you that things are going better due to a single step that many people have told us to do, and that is when it comes to homework, be sure to do the hardest part first. You see, Erin gets a homework packet every Monday and it is due on Friday. Monday night we look through it and we have Erin focus on the most difficult and longest page, which has usually turned out to be her writing. We also do not allow TV or Wii or whatever until the homework packet is completed (this goes for Patrick and his work, too).

    I have to tell you that, for both kids, it has turned out to be an advantage. Spirits are up and we can then focus on other things like reading, spelling or even keyboarding on the computer.

    BTW, the pic you see is from our house. Patty and I bought the old style desks from a school closing some many months ago. The kids love them and are able to keep all their supplies and small toys inside, thus relieving us from any clutter on the kitchen table.

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    Back Up Your Photos Now

    When I was a kid our family photos were all kept in albums. The hundreds of photos were meticulously positioned under the plastic static film on each page by my mum. She was great about writing the dates and locations of the photos on the backs.

    Today we’re lucky enough to have plenty of storage in our harddrives and external harddrives to store thousands of photos. The photos can easily be tagged, so we can locate them quickly. Each image file has the date written to it, so tracking when they were shot is pretty simple. But there’s a problem.

    If a thief robbed my childhood home he would have stolen the stereo, TV and probably my dad’s scotch. He never would have looked twice at the piles of bulky photo albums, today it’s a different situation. Your laptop and harddrives will be among the first to go should you get robbed.

    I’m not trying to make you paranoid. I’m just reminding you to always back up your photos (family videos and audio). If you’re leaving for a period of time you should hide your external harddrives or even store them elsewhere.

    Backing up to an external harddrive is also a great way to protect your files if there’s a fire, or if your machine suddenly dies. Once you lose your family photos they’ll be gone forever. Don’t just trust the cloud to store them either, there’s no telling when a service or your account can disappear.

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    Airports and Babies Do Not Mix

    "Crazy Airport" - ©2008 mjcarrasquillo

    What You Knew Before, Gone!

    Now I expected that our first airport experience was going to be an extreme test of our follow though and endurance but I think I “misunderestimated” exactly how crazy, unprepared and naively optimistic it was going to be. I use the word “misunderestimated” because:

    •    It’s a funny BUSH’ism.
    •    It expresses the sheer insanity, lapse of all common sense, and shock that went about in the prep and execution of our airport experience in DC; going to grandma and grandpa’s house in Florida.

    Learning…To Deal

    I wonder if karma has finally hit me. The reason I wonder is because of all the times I’ve twittered or e-mailed my horror stories about being on a plane with a screaming kid in front, next to or behind me. I remember many times being very liberal in my use of expletives when telling people the stories. So now, I find myself on the other side and I just know that couple behind me loved that I held them up at security while learning how to close our new stroller. I got the look of “dude, you’ve had that stroller for, I’m sure, long enough and you’re just now trying to figure it out?” I said, “I’m sorry” and told them to “go ahead of me” and they nicely, albeit reluctantly, said, “don’t worry about it.” If this were JFK airport in New York City, I would have been cursed to no end. Chalk it up for Virginia! I think we spared everyone any major meltdown horror; our daughter was quite well behaved and quiet. We were definitely in the way of airport progress with all our bags and accessories. Classic first time parents, we packed entirely too many things for the baby that we won’t likely need.

    The Rundown

    Here are a few things to help you prep for your first airport outing:

    1. Don’t sleep but only two hours. If you’re supposed to be waking up at 5am, wake up at 7:30, who cares…it’s the airport, pssst.
    2. Hit snooze for about 45 minutes within that 2-hour period, you know you don’t want to deal with this.
    3. If you’re out of town at the home of a relative and you’re a New Yorker that is used to the fact that hot water is a luxury, enjoy that shower & reliable water heater! Take advantage that you’re NOT in New York City and take your time.
    4. Plan to leave at a time you know you’re not going to. We planned to be at the airport at 8:30 am and we got there at 9:15, PERFECT!
    5. Carry so many (most unnecessary) things that you are guaranteed to throw your back out.
    6. Be sure to show up at your gate 20 minutes past the time you were scheduled, the feeling of missing your fight is an amazing adrenaline rush.
    7. Pack creams and lotion amounts you know are not going to pass security. Buy the expensive stuff, (make sure you make eye contact with the guard at the moment he/she throws them away) you can afford it.
    8. Try extra hard to see what accommodations you can force on your airline in order to book you on another flight, it’s fun to act like your massive tardiness and unpreparedness is their fault. It’s also fun to have your bags take a vacation to another place where you aren’t going.
    9. When on the plane, ask the attendant for a coffee discount offer, you’re going to drink the Sh*t out of it so tell them to put on a pot just for you and you’ll pay wholesale.
    10. Try and take video of the experience.

    It’s tough realizing that airports are not a baby’s (or parents of a baby) best friend, but we’ll learn how to streamline the process. By force, loss of money, and missing flights.

    Fatherly Humility

    When you arrive at your destination, take a deep breath; you’ll live. Remember there are some in the immediate vicinity who have shared this pain before and will give you a look of approval and smile that they understand where you are. It’s completely obvious to everyone that you’re a new dad and in on the job training. It’s not all bad and that one person you overhear saying something like “wow, he’s got a lot of stuff, what a great dad” makes you smile and your heart full of love.

    This is today’s Trials of Being Dad!

    Michael J. Carrasquillo is a NYC musician, filmmaker, speaker, organizer of NYC Media Makers & new father. He blogs at Issue De ‘Quillo and produces a podcast called “The Trials of Being Mike” and an upcoming podcast called “moments”. You can follow him on Twitter @mjcarrasquillo.

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    Baby, You Can Drive My Car… at 13???

    The American male’s obsession with the automobile is nurtured at a very young age.  We play with toy cars as soon as we are old enough that our parents are reasonably sure we won’t chew off and eat the tiny toy tires.  I myself was weaned on Corgi, Matchbox and Hot Wheels.  Driving – being able to get into a big shiny hunk of gears, pistons, metal and chrome, to take you wherever your heart desires -  is almost a physical expression of the American Dream…  Your wheels are your freedom.  Certainly that is how a teenager may look at it as they approach the driving age.  My oldest son, Zachary (now 20) was as obsessed with the prospect of driving as the best of us.  At 11 and 12 he begged me to get behind the wheel of a car.  In his mind, he was “ready” despite some ridiculous rules and laws that set the age for a Florida Driver Learners Permit at 15.  (From my point of view, raised in NY City where 17 was more the norm to learn to drive, even 15 is way too young.)  But Zach was persistent.  Just how persistent leads me to the following story.

    HOME ALONE

    For the past 7 years it has been only my three kids and me at home, so we hired a housekeeper (through an established agency) to be there everyday from 2 to 7 to help with the chores and provide adult supervision from the time the kids got home from school until I got home from work.  It seemed to be working fine, until one day when I arrived home a bit earlier than usual.  Two of my kids were home, but Zach (then 13) and the Housekeeper (who I will call Mary) were not.  The kids informed me that Zach and Mary had gone to the supermarket to get something.  Hmmm.  I scratched my head, not really thrilled that Mary would leave the house unattended, even though Ethan was 11 and the supermarket was just a mile down the road.  I went outside to get the mail, and as I walked up to the mailbox I noticed Mary’s car approaching.  As the car came closer, and I stepped to the curb to greet it, I nearly dropped the stack of mail in my hand.

    A GRIN THAT WOULD MAKE THE CHESHIRE CAT JEALOUS

    Mary’s car pulled up alongside me and stopped.  Mary was in the passenger seat and rolled down her window.  I leaned into the car to see my 13 year old son behind the wheel.  He turned toward me, with the biggest, bloated, most excited grin I had ever seen on his cherubic cheeked face.  “Hi Dad!  Mary let me drive!”  At that moment I was truly dumbfounded.  I looked at Mary with an expression of anger and confusion that I am sure you can envision.  She looked up at me and meekly said, “I didn’t feel well and he told me he knew how to drive…”  I glowered at her and through gritted teeth exclaimed, “He’s 13!!!!  He’ll tell you he knows how to fly to the moon!!!”  I didn’t know what else to say as my mind was racing with images of Zach driving to the local Publix supermarket.  Although it was nearby, driving there did involve navigating at least one fairly busy, 45 mph road.  WTF???  In a flash I imagined the horror stories of what could have happened had anything gone awry as my underage, uninsured, unbelievably naive son seized the streets of my neighborhood.  For a brief moment my anger was replaced with relief that despite the outrageous risks, everything had turned out okay.  That moment passed just as quickly and I sent Zach into the house to finish my “words” with Mary.

    AS MUCH AS WE WISH WE COULD, PARENTS CANNOT BE OMNIPRESENT

    Looking back, we can laugh at that event, and Zach still brags about what a good driver he was, even at age 13.  Needless to say, Mary was sent packing, and Zach and I had some tough discussions about judgement and responsibility.  Now all three of my kids are driving – the boys on their own, in their own cars, and my daughter with me and her recently acquired Learners Permit.  It is a stressful, scary time.  As parents we must have so much faith and confidence in our children to counterbalance what would otherwise be unending worry.  From the time they start leaving the house for hours at a time at school, we must accept that we have no choice but to let go a little and let them enter the world on its terms, and on their terms.  We cannot be everywhere and watch over them all the time.  We cannot completely protect them from the Mary’s of the world, who do not think or care about, or consider your child’s well being anything close to the way you do.  Who could?  There is nothing deeper or stronger than a parent’s concern for their own child.

    Have you ever had a “Mary” place your child in a precarious situation?  How did you react as a parent?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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    Worst of the Week: Run Forrest, Run!

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    My daughter Erin (6) loves to play soccer. She is in her second season and it’s looking like she may play again this spring. However, we have one major problem: every time, yes every time, she gets on the field in a game she freezes up and does not do her best. Oh she does fine in practice, and she runs all the time at recess or out in the backyard playing. But in a game situation she just seems to be lollygagging around, does not go after the ball or does she help out her team mates. Patty and I yelled at her from the sidelines but it just makes us look like overbearing parents. When the coach shouts she pretends not to hear her. A few games ago the shouting stopped to see if she could motivate herself, but it seems to be a lost cause. Even the other girls have noticed and even they have told her to get going at times. But like I said, practice is completely different. She pays attention, runs hard and is eager to play and score. I don’t want to threaten her in any way, I just want her to try harder.

    I need help on this one. What’s a Dad to do?

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    20 Thoughts: My Father's Advice

    Fatherly advice

    My dad got his start in business sweeping up at nights for a remote office of a big company.  He had struggled in college, yet over the course of 20 years he worked his way up to be the president of another company.  He also went back to college while raising two young kids.  When I graduated from college, my dad typed up a list of a hundred random thoughts that he wish his father told him - I still have the entire list and hope to add to and pass it on to my sons when they hit the same milestone.  Here are 20 of the best tips, ranging from motivational to practical to funny.

    20.  Be on time for work.  Show up a little early and stay a little late.
    19.  Listen to your spouse.  It’s one thing to just hear her, it’s another thing to really listen.
    18.  Always have a needle and thread in your travel kit.
    17.  Be careful who you confide in.
    16.  Get to know your wines.
    15.  Never accept “I’m sorry, we can’t do that” from any retailer.
    14.  Don’t be afraid to fight for something if you believe in it and know you’re right.
    13.  You can make friends and enemies simply by leaving someone off a “cc” list.
    12.  Always keep building your network.
    11.  Remember your parents get smarter as you get older.
    10.  Success is 20% knowledge, 40% ability and 40% motivation.
    9.  Use your parents as sounding boards.
    8.  Never go food shopping when you’re hungry.
    7.  Get involved in a charity you believe in.
    6.  Stay out of the office gossip line. Don’t spread rumors.  If you hear that somebody spread a rumor about you call them on it.  They’ll never open their mouth again.
    5.  Call your parents once in awhile.
    4.  You can always steam out the wrinkles in a suit leaving it in the bathroom of your hotel room with the shower on hot.
    3.  When invited to somebody’s house for dinner take them a bottle of wine.
    2.  Never put anything in writing that you wouldn’t be willing to have the whole world read.
    1.  Never be satisfied with a goal you set yesterday.

    What do you wish your dad told you?

    Photo credit: ginable via Flickr

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    Take Time to Say, "No"

    It’s eleven minutes after seven in the morning. If the kids are going to make it to school on time, I need to get them out of the door and strapped into the car by 7:15.  Inevitably, one of them (my son is 4, daughter is 7) will encounter a challenge (I don’t know where my shoe is; my coat won’t zip; I forgot to pack my homework folder, etc.) that becomes a rate limiting factor.  It’s decision time…

    The easiest and usually most expedient decision is to solve the problem for your child.  It’s typically much faster for a parent to find a lost shoe or zip up a stubborn jacket.  Problem solved; out the door on time.  But this is a short sighted solution and it does a disservice to your kids.

    Parents must make choices – or pick their battles as we say in our house – and solving the problem for your child isn’t always the right choice.  Sometimes, we must make the time to say, “No.”  We must make our kids do things on their own – solve their own problems – even if that means we’ll be leaving the house five minutes later than usual.

    Our children are capable of amazing things if given the opportunity.  Don’t fall into the habit of giving your kids the easy way out when they face a challenge.  Tell them that you’re confident that they can figure things out on their own.  Fight the urge to help with every little thing, and teach your kids to be more reliant on themselves.

    It may take more time, but in the end, it’s worth it.

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    Priorities: Single Dad vs. Mr. Entrepreneur

     

    Doc and Son

    This goes out to single dads, heck why not all dads out there for that matter. This post is a bit on the personal level, and while “advice” may not be properly given, it is more about being a wake up call for us dads who tend to put work ahead of family… especially single dads like myself.

    First off, as I think about the name of this site “Dad-O-Matic”, it reminds me of products such as the “veg-o-matic” and “chop-o-matic” sold years ago on TV by the pitchman/inventor Ron Popeil… you remember, the “but wait” guy? Everything Ron sold was a product to make life easier, “it slices, it dices, even makes julienne fries” Well, it is with that “O-Matic” connection that makes me laugh a little and wish there really was a “Dad-O-Matic” product of some sort. Anyway… moving on.

    Personally over the last 7 years, over half of my sons life, I have been “Mr. Entrepreneur”. I have started 4 companies (2 are still alive) and have also dabbled in four different network marketing companies (still involved with 2). All of the companies have been decent in the fact that I am able to live each and every month perusing the “American Dream”, but I work my butt off and work insane hours to get the workload complete.

    When I first divorced my boys mother I was still running our 30+ year old family business. My life was pretty much the 9-5 gig. Was able to come home and play dad every night (I have my son 50/50 with his mother). I cooked dinner every night… that’s right I cooked! Sure we ate out once in a while, but 85% of the time I was the chef of the house. Also. my income was more than I make now each month, I had all the benefits and the “work life balance” was… well… balanced. But now, life is not balanced, far from it! Work seems to be 85% of life and cooking, who has time for that. Delivery anyone?

    I do spend a lot of time with my son. For the last 6 years I have helped either coach or assist in all his sporting activities, mainly football and baseball. We go to a lot of movies and play video games every now and again. We spend the “time”, but not in my opinion, as much of the the “quality time”. A lot of the time together while he is on my watch he spends on a computer, video game, or playing with friends and as for me, I am working in the home office playing catch up. When he does pop in to see what I am doing I am almost always not really paying attention as I have work on the brain. I find myself irritated that my little “mini-me” comes in to say hello, and I really am sick with myself for feeling that way… but work has to get done… right? Right “Mr. Entrepreneur”?

    Recently my son turned 13, and with that comes the natural “disconnect” that happens as dad goes from funny to semi annoying. Looking back I realize how much I miss that time I spent with him (pre-entrepreneur) … really connecting and not being so stressed out all the time about getting work done. And with that said, while I know I can not make up for 7 years, I have realized it is time for a change.

    This bright 13 year old kid of mine said something to me that I will never forget a couple of weeks ago in regards to my stress level (as he aways sees how wigged out I am)… he says “Dad, if you are so stressed out all of the time, why do you do what you do? Find something you like to do that does not stress you out so much”. Easy to say but when he said that I had a huge wake up call. Why?

    • My boy should not have to bear my stress or see it in me
    • I need to be a dad for him, not “Mr. Entrepreneur”
    • He loves me enough to point it out
    • I think him saying that was a way of saying he wants dad back

    The issue at hand is, I really LOVE what I do for a living. Some portions and services of what I do I find less enjoyable than others, but over all I love it. If I did not love what I do for a living I would have stopped already and moved on… but I believe that eventually I will get back what I have put into my business… at least that is what I am planning on.

    However, and a HUGE however is, I love my son 1000% more than my business. A business can be shut town, or sold. But children, especially at this age, are so impressionable. Every move I make is something he sees as what “should be done” when he grows up. And as I reflect, I do not like all that he sees in me some days. So now what? Time for change!

    So, to my son, for you I promise the following:

    • I will be a better dad
    • The time I have with you is your time
    • On days you are with me and not with your friends I am offline, unplugged and NOT working
    • I promise to do my best to not be stressed out when we are together
    • I want to be your dad and be the best example of what a dad should be at all times
    • When you talk I will listen
    • When you ask for something (within reason) I will find a way to make it happen
    • I will always be your dad and I am proud of everything you do

    I have put this post together for a few reasons:

    1. In hopes that other dads will find the time to connect or reconnect with their children
    2. Therapeutic
    3. A reminder and an online promise to myself and my son that I am going to be a better dad, and take off the “Mr. Entrepreneur” hat when he is with me

    So I close with this question… What are your priorities?

    Until next post…

    - Doc

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    Bitter Sweets

    It is the morning after Halloween and the house is quiet, save the occasional whine or bark of one of the dogs. In the kitchen there are no plastic pumpkin pails or bright orange bags filled with candy.  There are no empty wrappers for me to pick up off the floor, left strewn about by over zealous, over stuffed, sugar over-dosed, sweet-toothed children. There is no bountiful booty for me to secretly pick through, taking only my favorite bite sized Snickers and mini M&M packs from amidst the candy corn, goobers, jelly beans and assorted junk.

    IS HEARTACHE BETTER THAN A TOOTHACHE?

    This post Halloween morning I don’t have to worry about breaking my healthy eating habits by devouring countless chocolates until I am embarrassed by the sheer number of empty wrappers I have tossed into the trashcan. I have no such worries because all three of my kids are too old for Trick or Treating. They have long since outgrown the allure of knocking on neighbor’s doors with the pleasure and joy of knowing a sweet prize awaits at every walkway. As I look at a picture from a happy Halloween past, and see the happy little children who are now happy young adults I am reminded how fast and fleeting those magical moments of childhood truly are. I miss the days when a scary story held them rapt with fear and the belief that every word out of dad’s mouth was true, real and important.

    RECOGNIZE THE SWEET SPOT…

    Sure, I miss the candy (the calories, not so much), but I really miss the days when my kids were kids (and the parents were scared!)

    How was your Halloween?  I hope you have cherished the moments and recognize that the sweetest part of Halloween is not the candy… it is the shared fun you and your children can have together.

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: Rick Sargeant – Fotolia.com

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    Worst of the Week: Children of the Corn

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    This past weekend our family along with 4 other families went to the local farm to visit their Corn Maze. It’s a wonderful setup complete with three difficulty levels, hot cider, donuts, Smores and two bonfires.

    The younger kids (along with a few parents) chose to go into the beginner maze while some other kids and parents went into the expert one. It turned out that Patty, Patrick and Erin all went into the former when I thought they were following me into the latter.

    The report I got from Patty after we met up was not a good one. First of all I didn’t go with my family. I’ll cop to that one and take full blame and will go sit in the doghouse. Secondly, and this is even bigger, was that on several occasions Patrick ran ahead thus getting lost a few times and driving Patty absolutely crazy, especially because she had to help keep an eye on the little ones. She had to yell out his name constantly, but he always came running back. All this mind you, was happening the same time the sun was gong down and the local teenagers were coming out in droves making the mazes very busy.

    Thankfully nothing serious happened and afterwards we had a good talk with him about staying with the group. Patrick does know better then to do what he did. He was just very excited and anxious to solve the maze on his own. He is a growing boy and wants more and more responsibility and freedom every day. But with that comes a price. He must follow the rules.

    A lost child is one of the big fears we as parents face on a daily basis. Has something like this ever happened to you? As a parent or even as a child yourself?

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    Photowalking with kids

    Photowalking is fun. Especially with kids! All you need are at least one kid and at least one camera.

    If you’re not familiar with the idea, photowalking is just a fancy way to say, “Go play outside!” There’s really nothing more to it than simply walking around an interesting area, and taking lots of pictures. Kids love this. For a while, anyway. There are some drawbacks to photowalking, though. Foremost among these is the time/familiarity paradox. You probably don’t have a whole day to blow on driving to an interesting mountain trail that you’ve never been to before, yet those streets around your house aren’t very interesting because the kids have already been there. This is where dads can employ their formidable powers of observation (which, interestingly, often seem to fail near dirty dishes).

    Walk the familiar streets, but look for the unfamiliar things. Looking up is cool, and you can find some good shots up in the trees and blue skies. But I think the real action for kids is closer to the ground–look down! Notice the crazy roots on that old tree that you pass every day. Check out the moss growing in the roots. Find the bug that lives in the moss and take his picture!

    Here’s a little montage of my guys on a photowalk. We went out on a rainy day and noticed where all the gutter water goes. Luckily for us, we had a waterproof camera and some string. We tied the string to the camera, hit the timer, and lowered the camera into the storm drain to see what we could see. Ever wonder what the inside of a storm drain looks like?

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