Detoxification

Oct 9th, 2008 | By Scott Wilder | Category: Advice, Article

I’m not a dad yet. Kathie is due to deliver our first baby around November 27th. So I’m in the position of anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby boy.

As we draw closer to Thanksgiving; I’ve instinctively begun the process of re-evaluating my time. Am I using it well? Am I being effective? Is there enough down-time for me to maintain my own sanity? Will I be available enough to my wife and child physically, intellectually and emotionally?

In the pursuit of evaluating my stewardship of time; I’ve come to the conclusion  that I’ve allowed deadly toxins to invade my schedule. Toxins in the form of people and activities that impare my ability to lavish love and attention on my bride and forthcoming child.

I’m terrible at trying to ween myself into better habits. Like a drug abuser; I tend to slip back into bad habits through a horrible process of guilt and self-justification. Always looking for ways to be helpful and revlevant to the people and world around me.

So it’s time to check myself into detox. Time to go cold turkey and make the decision that if a person or activity doesn’t fall into a specific category of personal or family growth; then it is time for that person and activity to get flushed out.

So does that mean that I will become a hermit and never interface with the outside world ever again? As evidenced by this posting; I will certainly still be engaging with the world. But the use of my time, talents and treasure will now be more focused. With the needs of my family trumping all other considerations.

If you’ve been through a similar detox process; leave a comment and let us know some of your strategies to win back time for yourself and your family.

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  • Xadrian pretty much said it: To answer your questions Scott: No. No matter what you plan, how you prepare, what scheduling changes you make, or time you set aside, you’ll always be running around with your head cut off. But that’s the definition of being a parent.

    You are in for the biggest paradigm shift ever, and it's impossible to know what it will be like until the baby arrives. That said, good for you for paring down now and at least trying to prepare for the unknown.

    Good luck. This is such an exciting time for you! Wishing you a healthy baby who sleeps through the night without "sleep training."
  • To answer your questions Scott: No. No matter what you plan, how you prepare, what scheduling changes you make, or time you set aside, you'll always be running around with your head cut off. But that's the definition of being a parent. You do for these little life forms as much as you can while they're still old enough to be able to use it because soon enough they won't need you all 24 hours of the day, then those 12 hours they're awake, then the 5 hours their not in daycare, then the 1 hour for dinner. Cutting back on what you consider your life is selfish as well, because you WANT to spend the time with your family. Don't make it seem like it's a HAVE to, like you're cutting off cable because you can't afford it.

    You'll be just fine. 6 billion people and 1.5 million years (or 6000, whichever) is a pretty good sign we know how to deal with having children.
  • Smart. I do this sort of "schedule reality check" every few months, actually, and ask myself if I am getting the benefits I want out of my current time and activity allocation.

    You're also in for a bit of a sea-change in your friendships too, because once you have a child you'll find that you have less and less in common with people who don't have kids. Nothing wrong with that, but suddenly the performance of your fave football team seem less important than your son's first smile or your daughter's infectious laughter late at night.

    Rock on, man. You've an amazing, heart-expanding, and bloody exhausting journey ahead of you.
  • For some reason that didn't work. I wrote about it here http://agoodhusband.net/2008/06/my-media-fast-w...
  • I went on a four day media fast a few months back that was very beneficial. No radio, TV, internet, or magazines. It was eerily quiet, and soulfully cleansing. I wrote about it on
  • The balance between hobbies I love, work, and family has been tough for me too. Family won out over living history. As my daughter gets older I hope to include her and get back to it some. Work changed too. I stopped working late and going in early. But I do miss some of my friends that time doesn't seem to allow for. Hopefully that will get easier as she gets older as well.

    It's a juggling act Scott. You will drop a few balls. Knowing which ones to pick up will be easy! Have fun with the new baby!
  • Techsyslonghorn
    I had to quit the web 2.0 stuff because I was spending so much time with it and nothing else. I had to go cold turkey myself and evaluate my time without messing with blogging, microblogging, podcasting, and the like. I've slowly come back to it but if I can't handle myself this time I'll have to give up a big majority of it and friends. Hope things work out for you Scott.

    Charlie
  • I'm in the process of doing that myself. My kids are 13, 10, 8, and 5. They're all involved in various activities, and I've allowed myself to get just a little too busy. So, I'm paring back my involvements at church to just one major and one minor ministry, reducing my teaching schedule, and trying to get more efficient with my time.
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