The waiter poured the glass of wine for my son and we raised our glasses to toast…   Despite my instinctive fatherly discomfort and concerns, it was a ritual we could not avoid. After all, we were celebrating his 21st birthday…

IT’S MORE THAN I CAN BEER…

Yesterday, my son Zach turned 21. It is nerve wracking enough to have three kids of driving age. Now I also have one kid of drinking and driving age. CORRECTION: There is NO appropriate “drinking and driving age…” I should have said “now I also have one kid of both drinking age and driving age.” Ahh, the antics of semantics… It should be more easy to speak easy about such things…

Speaking of Speakeasy’s, it seems that here in the United States of Puritanical Past and Politically Correct Present, we have had an awkward love/hate relationship with alcohol since the days of Prohibition. Were I raising my kids in Europe, I would likely have been serving a dinner glass of wine to my children when they were far younger than 21, and nobody would bat an eye, including them. Even I, growing up in New York State, was able to legally booze it up at age 18. Now our kids must wait until they are 21, and though I’d be a fool to think they didn’t, especially at college, indulge a bit before becoming of legal age, the official “wait” perhaps creates an artificial desire to binge on their birthday. With that in mind, in the months approaching Zach’s coming of (legal) age, I have repeatedly reminded him (ask him and he will say I perpetually pestered him) of the dangers of binge drinking, and of the many kids who have literally died of alcohol poisoning on their 21st birthdays by partaking in an ill conceived “21 at 21” drinking ritual. I hammered this message home to Zach well beyond the point of being the annoying dad (yeah, I was “that” guy) but I felt it was more important than maintaining my “cool dad” persona. Knowing that Zach would be celebrating with friends after our wine wielding family dinner, I was assured and given complete confidence that Zach’s girlfriend Amanda was responsibly anointed the dry and designated driver for the evening.

THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS BEER ITSELF…

Sometimes it seems that parenthood is an endless journey of letting go. As much as we want to, we cannot control our children’s lives. From the moment we let them out the door to go to school, or ride their bikes, or play in the backyard or neighborhood park we have to accept that ultimately, they have to be responsible for their actions, big and small. We have to let go a little bit more every step along the way and (sometimes painfully) come to grips with the fact that things can and will happen to them when we are not by their side, holding their hands, and ready to protect them from the big bad world around us. They will skin their knees, and break their arms and have their hearts broken and bust up their cars. They will have successes and failures, they will do wonderful things and make blaring mistakes. They are, like us, human, and must thus face all that is fabulous and all our collective foibles. We can guide and teach and set examples, but in the end, they have to pick up the reigns and steer their own lives in the right direction. It would be easy to spend all my waking hours worrying about my kids driving, worrying about my kids drinking, worrying about my kids drinking and driving, or their friends doing the same. However that wouldn’t be healthy for me or them. Rather, I have to let go once again, and trust as we pass another parenting benchmark, that we have done our best to give our kids the knowledge, tools and wherewithal to make smart and safe decisions.

Turning 21 is an incredible milestone, for Zach, and for his parents. We couldn’t be more proud of him and the wonderful young man (a legal adult!) he has become. I look forward to responsibly (and legally) enjoying more cheers and beers with him!

How about you? Do you have kids of drinking age? If so, how do you feel about raising a glass with them? It is a new phase for me, so I would welcome your thoughts in the comments. Cheers!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

Photo Credit: © Mikko Pitkänen – Fotolia.com