How Do You Deal With Rejection?

Oct 23rd, 2008 | By Stu Andrews | Category: Article

230920081660 This week we experienced a moment of heart wrenching sorrow.

Our third little one is heading to school next year. Already, as the Mums and Dads wait for the older kids to get out of school, she has a posse of friends. They play and carry on.

She has a special friend, whose name I’ve heard a lot. Our third often refers to her as her "best friend".

So when this girl turned to Lucy and said to her, "Stop following me!", It was for us very painful. Our little one, being rejected.

Of course, the reality is that this is what happens in life. Siblings fight and are mean. Friends are mean. Kids and Adults alike are mean. I remember myself as a kid, man alive.

So is there a line? What do you do? How do you respond to this, when it will continue to happen throughout life?

How Do You Deal With Rejection, To And From Your Kids?

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  • Mark - Most definitely, kids are resilient. And things go both ways :) Thanks for the encouragement!

    Bryan - I imagine that him handling it well now will bode very well for his future. Thanks for sharing!
  • I use the playground to see how my 4 year old son handles playing with others. As an only child, he is always searching to play with someone when we go the park. He spies a kid (boy or girl) and starts following them to see if they want to play. Most times, the kids are playing with their siblings or friends and don't want my son to hang out with them. REJECTION. But I stay in my spot and watch how he deals with it. If the kids get rough, I'll come. That never happens. Even when some of the girls (who are usually the meanest about it) yell at him, he just drops back a bit, while still following. Kinda like semi-shadowing. You know what I mean. Then he resumes playing by himself or looking for the next kid.
    Breaks my heart... but he handles it better than me.
    And I feel proud of him.
  • Stu - my oldest had a similar problem. Her best friend would sometimes say things likke that.

    Last weekend, while we were at guitar lessons, guess who walked in for the lesson afterwards? Her friend, and I realized as much as I thought my daughter was following this girl, it also went the other way.

    Kids are resilient, they can say hurtful things, b ut they also get past them very quickly. Don't let it bother you, they probably are playing together right now as I type, and if they aren't well, there's nothing you can do either.

    Have faith in your daughter!
  • Yeah, I've seen too much unecc. heartache when there's anger and bitterness amongst siblings. Well, more than usual grumpiness.
  • I'll take the side of the parent trying to correct the rejecting behavior of the older child. It's easy to cuddle up and love on a toddler whose elder sibling pushed them aside to be with their friends. I believe it's more difficult to stop that older child and say, "Look, I'm glad you have friends and that's very important. But you only have one brother and if you play your cards right, he's a friend for life." It's doubly sad because he isn't in daycare or preschool yet so his big sister is HIS only friend. But as kids they reject each other out of hand because they haven't learned to temper the impulse emotions.

    When they reject me for whatever reason (too many hugs, too much talking) I'm ok with it because I know being a pest is better than being absent.
  • Albert,
    Thank _you_ for sharing with us!
    You are correct, some days we will feel very alone. We do need to be able to find joy when we are like that.
  • maybe it's because I was an only child and my mother died when I was 12 and father when I was 20, but in a situation like that I try to reinforce that it is important to love yourself. I have five children ages 19 - 10.

    I'm not giving advice, I'm just sharing my opinion and how I've approached parenting. In similar situations I believe that Self esteem comes from within. There will be days when you feel very alone, and my joy needs to come from within. That other things like your faith or unshakable things like your family are always there. Even in my case, I had many times when I would be alone, adrift, but gained strength thinking about my dad or mom long after they died.

    I ramble, point is for me, I've tried to show that their is strength and love enough in you to be happy.

    Thanks for allowing me to share this with you
  • Tim,
    That is it. Love.
  • I weep with them, and I tell them I love them.

    -TimK
  • John,

    That's great advice. My Folks gave similar advice while we were growing up. Proactive behaviour helps a lot in that instance.
  • I'd say first make sure to let them know it's okay to be upset that someone has rejected you. But then I remember amazing advice my mom gave me when I used to get rejected as a kind on the playground: "there is always someone who may be more lonely or sad then you are - find them and try to help them feel better." This really worked for me because I was able to be proactive and get out of my own head and the quagmire of rejection.
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