What Do Babies Think?

I am still trying to figure out what my kids are thinking (and they are all in their 20′s!)  Even so, I clearly remember the wonder of discovery on each of their faces as they grew from infancy to toddlerhood and explored the small, but fascinating world around them.  Witnessing the rapid pace they grow, change, advance, and absorb information is one of the true joys of parenthood, as we are driven to laughter and tears trying to figure out just what’s going on inside the brains of our babes…

In this wonderful video from TED Global this summer, Alison Gopnik, professor of psychology and philosophy at the University of California at Berkeley, gives a fascinating look inside the mind of our babies, and explains why “childhood” is so important to all of us.

What do you think?  Professor Gopnik says being a baby is like “being in love in Paris for the first time after you’ve had 3 double espressos.”  Do you agree?  Do you make time to act like a child?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads  and Wunderkind! podcasts.

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What’s Cooking? Cast of Dads #45

The Cast of Dads were cooking with gas in this week’s show as we stir the pot around the discussion of dads as the family cook.  There has been some heated discussion about this topic on the Interwebs, prompted by an ill-fated attempt by a well known spaghetti sauce brand to reach out to “daddy bloggers.”  While we do recap some of the events of “Spaghetti Gate,” we don’t dwell on it and actually spend most of the show sharing our thoughts on cooking and food. In fact, I am getting hungry just thinking about it…

You can CLICK HERE to LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 44.

Topics discussed in this episode include:

If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and have them subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes.  Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

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Mother Nature and the Mother of All Daddy Podcasts: Cast of Dads #44

No the Cast of Dads haven’t fallen off a cliff, though some of us have had to face the wrath of hurricanes and wildfires.  Even “the Mother of all Daddy podcasts” is subject to the whims of Mother Nature.  To make matters worse, we actually recorded a show before this one and it was eaten by a lion.  OS X Lion, that is.  Newly installed on C.C.’s computer, lion didn’t like our file and when we were done recording we found out we were done without recording.  C’est la vie.  We still enjoyed yapping together, we’re just sorry you can’t enjoy that particular conversation as well.  In any event, with summer over and everyone back to school, here we are again with a new show.  Did ya miss us?

You can CLICK HERE to LISTEN TO CAST OF DADS EPISODE 44.

Topics discussed in this episode include:

  • Texas Wildfires
  • Hurricane Irene
  • Devastation in Vermont
  • NY Gets Hit
  • Long Bouts of No Power
  • Hurricanes vs. Earthquakes
  • Back to School
  • FOOTBALL!!
  • Summer Recap
  • The Cast of Dads Dream Get Together
  • Listener Feedback
  • We Will NOT Podfade

If you have been enjoying the Cast of Dads podcast, please tell your friends about the show and subscribe to either our direct feed or via iTunes. Also, please leave us a review in iTunes!

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood. The cast of dads includes C.C. ChapmanJeffrey SassMax KalehoffMichael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 23, Ethan, 21 and Olivia, 20).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

 

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Tips For Working From Home With Kids

Man working on laptop with kid in lap

Photo courtesy of medigerati on Flickr

I don’t know how many of you work from home but the challenges that come with it are monumental, especially when you have a 3-year old running around. Shortly after my son was born, I decided to return to college to pursue a long uncompleted bachelor’s degree and my wife and I made a decision that I would stay home with my son to save money on day care. So basically I have been a stay-at-home dad and full-time student for the last 25 months and as my son has gotten older I have learned a lot about working from home with kids present.  As I near graduation I’m also trying to develop a business from home so it looks like this will continue until my son starts school and I wanted to share what I’ve learned to see if it can help others.

You need to work when they sleep

When he was little this was easier but as he got older the nap periods got shorter and my productivity suffered. It helps if you set a schedule early so they know when nap time is and you know when you will be able to knock out some work. You can also get more work in at night after the kids have gone to bed.

Get out of the house, often!

A couple of days a week I work from a coffee shop after my wife gets home from work. I’m writing this now from one of those coffee shops. If you can afford it, hire a babysitter for a few hours a week during the day to get some free time. Sometimes a local church may have a Mom’s Day Out program that offer’s inexpensive childcare during the middle of the day. I found one near my house that is $20/day for about 3 hours of childcare from 11-2.

Find other people to interact with

When you work in an office you get to bounce ideas off other people. You learn from interacting with your peers and you lose that when you work from home.

The last point is a big one for me. I’m not a very social person and don’t work well in an office environment. I don’t do office politics well and I tend to be more interested in working for me than a boss or a company, but I digress. I need a group of like-minded people that I can learn from and bounce ideas off of. Social networks are great for this but they can be huge time waster, too. How many times have you gotten on Twitter or Facebook and 2 or 3 hours went by? I found something better. Forums!

Now I can see you saying, “Chris, forums are so Web 1.0!”. Yes they are, but they were the original wiki. The knowledge contained in a forum centered around a specific niche or industry is astounding. You can drop in when you want and search all the discussion post for an area you are stuck on and you wil likely find an answer. If you can’t find the answer, you can post a question to the forum and get input from all the members. This allows you to learn from other people and get that back and forth of bouncing ideas off each other that is so beneficial.

Another problem area is motivation

When you work from home you need to be self-motivated. It’s real easy to lay on the couch and take a nap or turn on a good action movie on Netflix when the kid is sleeping. No one is going to make you write that blog post or browse the forum looking for info on how to draft up a contract. I get around this with personal development products.

I’m a really big fan of personal development. I watched The Secret, read a few Tony Robbins books, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and they have really helped me figure out why I do certain things. Once I knew why, I could plan for that and work on changing that behavior.

I recently started an internship for a company that is doing a Groupon-style site that sells personal development products. I only bring it up because this week our product is Chris Brogan‘s (Dad-O-Matic’s founder) Kitchen Table Companies(KTC). This site is the forum for people like myself, people building a business from home. Whether you are working from a home office or the kitchen table while the kids are sleeping you can now get advice from other’s doing the same.

KTC is place where you can go to get that motivation and the forums are a place to interact with other work-at-home moguls like yourself. Normally Kitchen Table Companies is $47/month but right now at DailySuccessDeals.com we are offering the first month for $9.97. I’m not going to go into a sales pitch you can go check out the site yourself and see the testimonials from current members. I think for the price of 2 cups of Starbucks you get a chance to try it out and see if you get value from tapping the knowledge of others who have gone before you.

(Disclosure: I am an unpaid intern for DailySuccessDeals.com and Dad-O-Matic is not being compensated in any way for running this post.)

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My CostCo Love Affair…and My New Traeger Smoker

I love CostCo.  I love getting a deal and I love that their deals cover everything from electronics to apparel, from books to food to a pack of batteries so large I never think we’ll go through them all (we always do).

I love their return policy as well…in short, it’s satisfaction guaranteed.  Always (ok, on electronics, games, cameras, etc. you have only 90 days to decide…but for everything else, no matter the reason at any time, they’ll take it back).

And I think that’s why I have a new Traeger Smoker.  I bought it thinking, “Ok, if I don’t use it or really love it, I’ll just bring it back.”  But in the back of my mind I knew the real truth: who ISN’T going to love or use a smoker that is as easy to use as this?

It was a “special” something only stocked and sold during the weekend visit I had just made (which then only FURTHER drove me to buy it and “try” it…that limited time offer thing gets me at CostCo every time!)

I wound up taking home the “mid-size” option, the Lil Tex Elite, large enough to smoke a brisket and a full slab plus of ribs.  Which is exactly what I threw on the Sunday after I bought it.

It’s far easier to use than my old smoker — and far easier to clean up.  I don’t have a hot mess of a drip pan filled with water and all the drippings from the meat I’m smoking.  The wood that fuels the smoker is even easier: no soaking, no adding more wood hours into the process.  The Traeger smokers use wood pellets (available in more than a dozen varieties, from mesquite to hickory, apple to pecan).  The pellets sit in a hopper and fall onto an ignition rod with the help of a slow-turning auger.  The higher you turn the heat, the more frequent the auger turns…from dropping pellets onto the rod once every few minutes to nearly constantly.  A convection fan below the heating element then circulates the smoke around the grill.  At the lowest setting, the meat cooks around 180-190 degrees while on high, it hovers near 450.

The result is pure bliss…made only better by the fact that CostCo sells pork baby back ribs by the three pack.  It’s my new summer project!

 

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Time to Change a Thanksgiving Tradition

An open letter to Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the NFL:

Dear Roger:

NFL LogoWe’ve never met…but you’re welcome to stop by to say hello at any of the Chicago Bears home games.  You’ll find me in the stats booth (always warm, dry and comfortable) on level A at Soldier Field, one door north of the main press box.

I’ve seen that lately you’re highly interested in changing the game for the better.  It’s great that you’re focusing on these head-to-head hits that are generating so much buzz and attention.  But really, there’s something far more urgent and pressing that needs your attention.

Detroit Lions LogoToday, on Thanksgiving, Americans will gather with their family and relive traditions established years ago.  Grandma’s pumpkin pie. Mom’s irresistible stuffing.  And a pair of football games during the day featuring two last place teams that, because it’s tradition, MUST play today.

I’m of course talking about the last place Detroit Lions and last place Dallas Cowboys.

Dallas Cowboys LogoRoger, it’s time to change this Thanksgiving tradition.  Isn’t it time, in a day and age where the NFL wants as many people to tune into the games as possible on this day, days when fathers might be more likely to help in the kitchen than watch the Lions host Tom Brady and the Patriots or the Cowboys host Drew Brees the Saints?  Neither the Lions (31st) nor the Cowboys (29th) can run the ball this year and together, they’re a combined 5-15.  And they play on Thanksgiving afternoon because that’s the way it’s always been.

I’d like to propose that the NFL take another look at that day…as closely as it looks to flexing games from 1 ET to 4:15 ET to get better ratings…or from the afternoon to Sunday night for the same purpose.

Put teams on the field in games that matter.  To the NFL.  To the teams and their fans.  Families across America deserve it.

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Take the DADvocate Project Survey

Hello Dad-O-Matic readers. If you are new here or haven’t read my previous articles then welcome and let me give you a bit of background about who I am and What I am doing. Almost a year ago I started a project, I called The DADvocate Project. The objective of the project is to better understand today’s dads and help push media to represent dads in the positive light they should be shown in. I decided the project should include a survey that looks at how dads spend their time and effort related to life and their children, a series of interviews talking about how each man relates to his role as a husband, father and provider. The final step in this adventure will be to write a book on today’s dads. As I mention above the first step is the survey. I’m trying to get 1000, dads to complete the survey and I have no budget to do that so I’ve been using social media to get the word out. To date we have had over 330 dads complete the entire survey.

Last month I presented on my early findings at the M3 Summit. If your interested in the info checkout my presentation below:

At the conference I was also part of a pannle of dads that were interviewed by CNN check out the clip below:

So if you would like to take the survey here is your chance:

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Social Media Club Takes Dads On Tour – Atlanta This Week!

Thanks to sites like Dad-O-Matic and loyal readers like you, the blogosphere is emerging as a terrific outlet for Dads to get out front and take a more vocal stance on parenting and fatherhood issues and experiences.  There are hundreds of caring and sharing “daddy bloggers” spreading their unique perspectives on “the world according to Dad…”  In addition to Dad oriented blogs, vlogs and podcasts, Dads are being more regularly featured as speakers and on panels at events such as BlogWorld Expo and 140Conf Boston, and even events themselves are forming around Dads and Men such as the upcoming Modern Media Man Summit (M3).

Join The Club

One of the latest groups to reach out and raise up Dads is the Social Media Club, who is about to launch their 2010 Fall Tour with the theme, “Social Media + Family, A Dad’s Perspective.”  Founded by Kristie Wells and Chris Heuer in 2006, Social Media Club is perhaps the premiere global organization promoting and educating in ways to “connect media makers from around the world to advance media literacy, promote industry standards, encourage ethical behaviour and share the lessons they have learned.”  Social Media Club boasts active chapters in major cities throughout the world, and hosts many informative, engaging events, and the “Social Media + Family” tour should be a great way for dads and parents to step up and discuss how Social Media has impacted their family lives.  In addition to the 12 city “Dad’s Perspective” tour, in each event city Chris Heuer will be hosting a “Dads Who Lunch” luncheon for local Dad bloggers.  If you are in one of the cities that the Social Media Club tour will be visiting I would encourage you to try to attend the event and luncheon, as an engaged conversation and meeting great people is a guaranteed result.  The tour commences this Wednesday, September 8th, in Atlanta.  The full schedule is:

  • Atlanta - Wednesday September 8 (Confirmed)
  • Minneapolis - Wednesday September 22 (Confirmed)
  • St Louis – Thursday September 23 (Confirmed)
  • Phoenix - Thursday September 30 (Confirmed)
  • New York – Monday October 4? (Confirmed)
  • Denver – Wednesday October 6 or Thursday October 7
  • Seattle – Monday October 11 (Confirmed)
  • Detroit – Monday, October 18 (Confirmed)
  • Cleveland – Thursday October 21? (Confirmed)
  • Washington, DC – Monday October 25 (Confirmed)
  • Baltimore – Tuesday October 26 (Confirmed)
  • Boston – Thursday October 28 (Confirmed)

If you are in one of these cities I hope you can make it to the event and support this Dad + Family initiative.  I am confident you won’t be disappointed.

DISCLOSURE: I am a member of Social Media Club and consider Kristie and Chris friends. I have been to SMC events in NY, Florida and other cities and have always been impressed with the membership, content and professionalism of the group.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 22, Ethan, 20 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.?

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Father’s Day Reflection

The Johnston Family

The Whole Family Out Together

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to being a dad. I have two kids, one boy and one girl and for a long time I looked at my kids as something that got in the way of me achieving my dreams. Something that kept me from being a great scientist. I had a dream to be geologist and for whatever reason I never was able to achieve that dream.

I currently work helping small offline businesses use the Internet to get customers. It’s not as awesome as doing field work in the Grand Tetons or inside the Yellowstone Caldera but it puts food on the table and allows me an incredible opportunity.

You see, I work from home and I get to take care of my son. My daughter is currently on summer break from school so for the next few months I get to take care of her too. I get to see them grow up and have a direct impact on the values instilled in them. I get to teach my son how to read, hit a baseball, and catch. I get to have an impact on my kids so they can reach their dreams. Does it make working from home harder, sure. Are there days I just want to go to an office and get away from them, absolutely but those bouts are short-lived and then I remind myself what a special opportunity I have been given. I remind myself how many other people would kill for this opportunity.

Think back on this Father’s Day and reflect on what a great opportunity your kids have given you and appreciate and give thanks for that.

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Last Minute Father’s Day Gifts

New Bike for Violette We all fall behind sometimes. Admit it. Are you one of those lame people who doesn’t get gifts until the night before? Have you sent out Father’s Day gifts in July? It’s okay. I feel your pain. So when my friends at the Hachette Book Group asked me if I wanted to run a last minute Father’s Day contest, I thought, “That’s a hoot. We’d love to share this with the Dad-o-Matic gang!” So, in traditional “dads do it last minute” style, here’s a simple giveaway offer for you.

Quick note: this isn’t sponsored, though Hachette Audio is kind enough to send Chris and Chris’s Dad, Steve, audiobooks to check out every month or so.

Want a Last Minute Book for Dad?

Hachette will send your Dad (if he’s in the US or Canada) one of the following:

You can get any one of those books send to dad (or you – shhhh!), by doing the following:

Here’s All You Do

Write a blog post about needing a last minute Father’s Day Gift, talking about Father’s Day in some form or another, and link it back to this post.

Then, fill out THIS FORM to tell us about it. Oh, and pick which book you want.

We’ll write up a blog post showing off all your contributions here at Dadomatic.com, and then we’ll draw one name at random for Hachette to send out the book. The drawing will be on Father’s Day, because hey, you’re late, we’re late. We’re all in this together, man!

Now You’re Set – a Bit Late

Harold's Eye View So, want a free book for Dad (or you)? We’ve got you covered. Thanks for being part of the Dadomatic story and for keeping it fun. I’ve gotta run out because today is my parents’ wedding anniversary and I didn’t get them a present yet. No, I’m not being funny. : )

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Reflections on Memorial Day

As I sit at home reflecting on Memorial Day I can’t help but wonder what happened to the guys I went to basic training with. Did anyone see combat? Did any of my buddies die?

I’ll never know.  But what I do know, as I listen to the Army helicopters fly over my house towards another parade, is that I am thankful to have been in the company of such heroes.

I never saw combat.  I never saw the angry side of a gun.  Shucks, I was in the Air Force.  We had good food and girls.  But I am proud of my service.  Proud that my children can say, “Dad served.”  I remind them to stand when an American flag passes during a parade or a funeral.  I don’t know what the future holds for my boys, but if they decide to serve I’ll support them.

Thank you veterans.  Thank you for serving next to me, in harms way for me, and after me.

Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program. He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome. You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter. His personal thoughts are here.

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A lesson on fatherhood from Dale Carnegie

Sleeping Boy

It’s funny how everything “old” is new again.  I recently dusted off my copy of Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People.  Inside I found a passage I marked that resonates with me as a father.  With hopes the Carnegie folks won’t mind, I’ll share the passage here.

Father Forgets by W. Livingston Larned

Listen son; I am saying this as you lie asleep, on little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.  I have stolen to your room alone.  Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me.  Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you.  I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face a mere dab with a towel.  I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.  I called you out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too.  You spilled things.  You gulped down your food.  You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread.  And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon.  As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles.  There were holes in your stockings.  I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house.  Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!  Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you can in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes?  When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at your interruption, you hesitated at the door.  “What is it you want?” I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.  And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped form my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me.  What has habit been doing to me?  The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding- this was my reward to you for being a boy.  It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth.  I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character.  The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills.  This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.  Nothing else matters tonight, son.  I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours.  But tomorrow I will be a real daddy!  I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh.  I will bite my tongue when impatient words come out.  I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!”

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man.  Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby.  Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder.  I have asked too much, too much.

Have you ever felt like this? Do we place too much pressure on our kids to behave like little adults?  Perhaps.  Maybe we just need to read this every now and again, to remind ourselves that these little children are just that; little children.

Photo credit: satakieli

Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter. His personal thoughts are here.

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The New DADvocate Project Web Site

Last month I told you about a project I had started back in November called the DADvocate project. The project has been rolling along and today I am launching the new DADvocate web site. I’m very excited to announce the new site as I’ve been working on it for over a month and I guess in a sense since November when I initially launched the project.

It has been very encouraging to get all the positive feedback I’ve gotten and to engage in the emerging daddy blogging field. I’m amazed at the talent and some of the awesome blogs I’ve found. One of the bloggers I really enjoy reading is Jeffrey Sass as I get to learn from his experience. I was introduced to the Cast of Dads through sass and Dad Labs, through them. Quite frankly the list goes on and on.

At any rate The DADvocate Project was launched last year in November and we have had over 100 dads complete the 60 question survey. We have done podcast interviews with three of the dads and we are launching a new site dedicated to the project today.

Everyone who participates in the survey and joins the mailing is entered to win an iPad, you can read more about the contesthere. Additionally we are running weekly contests for anyone who completes the survey each week. We are giving away My Wired Style e-kits to one lucky contestant. You can learn more about that contest here.

If you are interested in following the DADvocate project you can expect to see three posts per week.

Monday’s – Article based on Survey results
Wednesday’s – An anecdote, informative article on parenting and being a dad, or a useful product.
Fridays – Fatherhood Friday – I’ll be featuring a DADvocate podcast where I interview another dad each week.

Finally I’d love for you to just check out the project and tell me what you think of the new site. I actually made arrangements with my designer to build a twitter background for someone. This is another contest and basically all you have to do is leave a comment on what you thing about the new site on this post.

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Neil Gaiman Reads “Instructions” Live…

For those of you who have not yet enjoyed the work of Neil Gaiman, shame on you. You’ve possibly seen the movie Coraline, based on his book of the same title, and the movie Stardust as well. What you might not know is that he’s one of the finest, most entertaining narrators out there, and particularly when reading his own work. He has written a book – “Instructions” that is illustrated by Charles Vess. Harper put together a video of Neil reading the story to the artwork….it’s very cool and worth sharing with little ones everywhere..

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An Eggcellent Day To Be Silly (Or Remember When…)

It is Easter Sunday and I am sitting in a Starbucks reading and writing (fortunately, there is no arithmetic.)  The only signs of Easter here are the bunny ears my caffeine wielding Barista wears, fully qualifying her as an official “Bar-Easter.”  Instead of popping handfuls of Cadbury Mini Chocolate Eggs and biting the heads off of hollow chocolate bunnies (the Solid Milk Chocolate ones are better, but much harder to decapitate), my kids are off doing their own thing.  One is up in Boston grooving on his guitar and the other two are at work in restaurants, busily handling the Easter Sunday brunch crowd. Gone are the days of messy watercolors and broken eggs on the kitchen floor, or digging through baskets of pink and green confetti.  Today, our hunt for eggs is strictly limited to the ones that are poached, scrambled or omeletized for breakfast.

Comfort Zones Are For Wusses

If your kids are young enough to enjoy it go all out today and BE SILLY!  Don’t worry about what your neighbors think as you hop through your yard donning rabbit ears and a big bushy tail.  If you have to, crawl around on all fours like the pet dog to sniff for the hidden eggs, do so with pride and flair, and be sure to lift your leg at the fire hydrant or a tree when your kids are watching.  Today is the day to make your kids laugh by chewing messily on raw carrots like a buck toothed cartoon character.  Whatever it takes, make Easter (and EVERY day for that matter) FUN for your kids by letting your guard down.  Forget about behaving “like an adult” and just BE SILLY.  Yes, holidays have deeper meaning and by all means, observe the serious side however you feel is appropriate, but don’t forget the FUN of it.  When your kids are young, these are the days we can forget about the big stuff and just ENJOY.  It is the silly times that both you and your kids will cherish and remember forever.

It is the silly times I am remembering now…

?Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.

?Photo Credit: © brongkie – Fotolia.com

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Amping Up Special Time

Violette out by Lake Gardner

My daughter and I wanted to go out and do something special together. I suggested a nature walk. To make it really fun, I gave her a Sony Bloggie camera (disclosure: SONY gave me the camera to try out, but I’m not obligated to use it for any particular projects) so she could capture some nature. I took along my own camera and shot photos of her interacting with it.

What came from this is the chance to talk, to snap photos, to see things differently, and then to get the experience a SECOND time by looking over all our media after we got back. For instance, her videos were a lot of fun because she showed me how she saw the lake we were walking around. She focused on very different parts of the landscape than I did, and I somehow figured we’d both naturally just look at the same stuff.

Violette Filming The River In taking my daughter out solo, it gave us a chance to bond and to talk about things without me having to worry about what her little brother would get into. It also let me work directly with her age (almost 8). It further let us do something geeky together that let her stretch her abilities in a certain direction. Whenever you put tech in the hands of your kids, something interesting comes of it (well, depending on the tech, I guess). But it didn’t all revolve around the technology. That’s just what we did to frame it all.

Poppy are Harold Playing at the Big Rock

It becomes important to give the other kid some time, too. I tend to favor my daughter because she’s older so we can explore in a different way, but my little boy is fun for the way he sees things, too. (That photo is of him with my dad, Steve Brogan, as they explore the big rock out by my parents’ house.) In this way, I can work with his special interests, and I can experience the world in his own way.

Harold shot by Diane Brogan In the case of my boy, he’s almost too digital, so instead of doing projects with him and technology, I end up trying to strip him of all tech and make him experience the real world for a while. Mushrooms aren’t just something Mario steps on, for instance. They grow on the sides of mossy trees in Poppy and Gramma’s back yard. Birds aren’t just giant and yellow and live on Sesame Street. They fly through the trees out by the park by our house.

Parenting isn’t a set recipe and regimen. Sometimes, it’s all about the customization. I find that the way I amp up special time with my kids is by making sure the activities are very specific to each one, and that I find ways to give them one-on-one time.

How do you accomplish the same? How do you make special time more special?

Disclosure: the photos in this post were shot with a Nikon D300s that was given to me by Nikon to try out.

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Hold Hands or Push?

This weekend was awesome. I got to spend a lot of time with the kids and on Saturday I was mainly with my oldest. We went to Horseback early in the morning. The ride to horseback is almost an hour and we talk and sing songs and sometime record a video we call “Saturday’s with Daddy and Haley.” This week while she was riding I went for a nice long walk in the country. It was beautiful.

After Horseback Haley had a birthday party to attend. The party was at a roller-skating rink and I was honestly very concerned that she would have a hard time on the skates.  (For new readers, Haley has Cerebral Palsy and has some difficulty with balance and walking.) I was also concerned because the last time I was on Roller-skates had to be in the late 80′s. Turns out I’m not half bad on skates and Haley did awesome. She did spend most of the time on the carpet because it was slower and softer but we got some rink time at the end and she just impresses me so much. Plus we had a blast falling together.

After the party we decided we wanted to go to the park. She actually rode her bike there. It’s a little over a mile and Haley rode herself most the way I only helped with the hills. When we got to the park I was pushing her on the swing but then asked her to try on her own. I’m not entirely sure how we got to it but somehow she began completely refusing to swing by herself and I was refusing to push her. My thought process was that I needed to push her to do it by herself so she could discover the fun of swinging independently. She says she knows how to swing independently but it isn’t more fun.

Thankfully Mommy showed up a few minutes later and took over with Haley. She got her calmed down and on the swings then she ever so subtly started teaching Haley to pump and swing. The whole while pushing her but in a sense holding her hand. I think I was just pushing. Thank God for my wife. I was stuck because I had committed to the stance and I was probably wrong after she had worked so hard during the day. I have since told her how proud I was of her for everything she did during the day. She mentioned the swing incident but I told her that it was okay and that she did an awesome job with everything that day.

So the lesson is sometimes it takes pushing and sometime you just need to hold their hand. How do you know when to push and when to hold hands?

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I Am Not Weird

It’s hard for me to believe but I just went back through my posts on DAD-o-Matic and saw that I hadn’t talked much about my number one topic and how and why I got into blogging consistently. My oldest daughter.

My oldest daughter Haley has CP, Cerebral Palsy. When I finally decided to start my own blog I wanted a topic I felt I could write consistently on and my kids were the best bet and my oldest daughter was always providing interesting challenges partially because of her CP and partially because she like to provide interesting challenges.

Fast forward to the begining of this school year Haley entered the first grade and another student called her weird because she walked weird.

That event set off a spark and Haley with the help of Raye Lynn, her grandmother, decided to write a book about Cerebral Palsy and explain what it is and how she is not weird. The book turned out to be wonderful so we decided to publish it.

The book is being published as an 8.5×8.5 hard cover.

The time has arrived and the publisher is ready to print. We are taking initial pre-orders for the book.

If you are interested in pre-ordering your copy the cost is $19.95. This is $5.00 off the cover price. We will be donating 10% of the proceeds of the sales of the book to the ALC. The (ALC) Adaptive Learning Center was instrumental in helping Haley achieve her current abilities and confidence and we love the program. They facilitate inclusionary classrooms in pre-schools.

The back cover of the book reads:

Haley, a first grader, never thought of herself as different because she has cerebral palsy. When a new classmate told her she was weird because she wore braces and walked funny, Haley was upset. She did not know what to do or what to say as a response. With help from her parents and grandmother Haley decided to write a book explaining that she was not weird-cerebral palsy is not weird. Haley tells what cerebral palsy means and tells all that she does, just like everyone else. Haley brought her book to school and it was read to the class to help the children understand. Haley is proud of herself and hopes her book will help others to understand about cerebral palsy
Haley is an incredible girl who’s just like anyone else except she walks differently. Haley’s writing guide is RayeRaye, her grandmother, the director of a pre-school where she helped to facilitate a model inclusionary pre-school in Atlanta. Haley lives in Marietta, Georgia with her parents and sister and brother.

To order the book go to “I Am Not Weird”. You will be able to order your copy of the book via Pay Pal. If you live in the Atlanta area and we can hand deliver the books to you choose the local pay pal button. If you are not local, do not know us, and we will have to ship the books to you please choose the pay pal button labeled “With Shipping.” The shipping charges are $2.99 and we will send the book via USPS media mail.

Here is a quick video of the interview I did with Haley on writing the book:

I know I’m biased but I think this a great book to share with your kids.

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“In Today’s Climate . . . “

“…You can’t be too careful.”

These were the words of a somewhat strident middle-aged lady at Dungeekin Minor’s ‘football’ training session on Saturday, as she vocally and agressively demanded to see the (female) coaches ‘paperwork’.

The trouble is – I rather think you can be too careful.

When you’re not the parent, and you turn up at week five of a six-week course for 4-year-olds, and you behave with such suspicion, you don’t look like you’re acting in the best interest of the child. You look like an idiot with chronic knee-jerkitis.

Especially when said session is attended by all the other parents, all of whom are within sight of all the children for the duration of the session YOU’VE just cut short with your paedospicion.

Reality check. Despite the railing and screeching of both Government and tabloids, not everybody who has even tangential contact with your child is a predatory paedophile, desperate to deflower and subsequently devour your little angel. Surprisingly, at a nationally-accredited and franchised kids’ club and with the parents supervising, your little boy’s somewhat more likely to learn football than fellatio.

His innocence is safe with the football coach. Sadly, however, with a relative such as this the child’s innocence is somewhat less secure within the family.

Children need to grow up learning to be safe, that’s for certain. They need to learn, as they mature, that there are people and things that are a risk to them and how to verbalise their concerns if they have them.

All that acknowledged, though, they still learn to be able to trust.

Everyone is a stranger at first. If you teach your child that any non-familial adult is a rampant kiddy-fiddler, then quite aside from skewing their sense of risk-awareness they will learn only to treat every adult with suspicion.

Have you considered how this will affect their long-term ability to develop relationships? Is their ‘protection’ in childhood worthy of potential damage to their adult life?

Because the way I see it, the attitude of the lady in question has the potential to be no less damaging to the child’s long-term development than the actions of the very individuals from whom she wishes to protect him.

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Panties and Business

sad potty pic

On Thursday my middle child Abby decided she was ready to wear panties. She had a hard time on Thursday but when I put her to bed Thursday night she said “Daddy can I wear panties to school again tomorrow?” So on Friday she did better and then yesterday when we were all home she did much better but was still having a few accidents.

My oldest daughter turns to us, Melanie (my wife) and I, and said, “I think we need to put her back in diapers.” Both of us responded “no” and I followed up by saying “there is no option but success now.” It only took a few minutes to hit me that this isn’t just an approach to potty training but rather needs to be an approach to life and business.

If you take “there is no option but success” and apply it to business, then can you ever really stop trying, can you ever really fail? Yes there are plenty of failures along the way. Sometimes you get almost all the way to the potty but have that accident just before you reach it. Sometimes you think you’ve got it and you’ve made it to the potty three times in a row but then you’re way deep in the middle of watching Caillou and all of the sudden the rush comes too quickly. But if there is no other option but success then you recognize that it’s okay to fail along the way as long as you don’t lose sight of the end goal.

I think we as adults forget this principle way too often and allow for the option of failure. So I suggest next time you feel like you are on the precipice of failure take a step back and look at the end goal and remember failure is part of achieving success. After all, you do wear panties to work don’t you?

Kevin Metzger is father to Haley, Abby and Isaac and husband to Melanie. He is a Business Systems Architect and writes on tech and business topics at MetzgerBusiness.com. Kevin also writes MySpellingSucks.com for which he was awarded the 2009 East Cobber Father of the year. Recently Kevin has started TheDADvocateProject.com where he is looking for participation from dads to help write a book about this current generation of dads. Come by and fill out the DADvocate survey.

Photo Credit – massdistraction

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When Life Gives You Lemons…

lemonadeWEB
Lemonade
is a documentary short that delivers a powerful message. It focuses on several advertising professionals and how they dealt with the shocking impact of being laid off. Many of them looked at this sometimes devastating blow as a wake up call and chose to go for their dreams and do what they’ve always wanted to do. The stories each of them tell are touching and inspirational whether you’ve been in their shoes or just stuck in a dead-end job. They are living examples of the old adage of when life gives you lemons, make lemonade (and make a comfy living while you’re at it). I love their slogan, “It’s not a pink slip, it’s a blank page”.

One of the subjects, Erik Proulx, launched a new blog called Please Feed The Animals which has become popular and helps others who find themselves in the same boat he was in. His story was very moving, especially what his wife did during a critical point in their lives. It brought home the importance of your support system from loved ones.

I think this is an important film for everyone to watch, especially us dads because men are so strongly connected to what we do for a living. Right or wrong, we are identified by our profession in our society. It doesn’t matter what we think we are or what we love to do in life, most people will label you according to the job you perform. For example, he’s a lawyer or he’s a carpenter and so on. This is why it’s so critical to find a way to follow our bliss and do what we love and love what we do but that’s another story for another day.

Here’s an article from FastCompany that covers how Erik used Twitter to recruit an entire team of volunteers that helped him make the movie. They also managed to get large organizations such as Sony and Virgin Atlantic to donate resources such as camera equipment and free flights. It’s amazing display of ingenuity and determination.

Lemonade-the-movie

They have a cool website, LemonadeMovie.com, where people can upload their own lemonade story and how their lay off led to their rebirth. As a side note, the filmmaker himself was inspired to make this film, website and book after being laid off. Here’s the Lemonade Movie fanpage on Facebook and their twitter account:

Here’s the trailer (video resume) just to whet your appetite

The entire movie is on Hulu and embedded below.

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This Weekend the Boys Get a Room

I wrote here a while back about how my two boys, Zach and Zane, came to live with us permanently at the end of November. To say that our holiday season was crazy, filled with ups and downs, and tiring would barely scratch the surface.

Throughout this time, Trish, the love of my life, and my children Billy, Stephanie, and Katie, have been the boat that kept me above the water. Trish has taken the boys in and given them a home – the kids have drawn them in and made them part of the family. There are a lot of very basic differences in the way the two groups of kids were raised, but we are making headway toward a unified front.

This weekend we take a big step forward as rooms get re-arranged, and the boys get their own bedroom. Trish spent tireless hours finding the right furniture, planning the logistics of what has to be done to make all of this happen, and begin one step (or more) ahead of me in just about every area.

I know that the loss of their mother will be with my boys for the rest of their life, but they have truly gained a new family, and the best the world has to give in Trish. I think, slowly, that the clouds are beginning to clear.

Believe me – with three teenage boys in the house, there are plenty of clouds.

-DNW

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Dad Men

My favorite show on TV these days is without question MAD MEN which has won best drama Emmy for its first two seasons. I love the era they cover, the early 1960s and the look back at American families from that period of time. The thing that comes to mind right away is just how fortunate we parents are these days when it comes to taking care of babies. Back then, diapers weren’t disposable so you had to wash them and reuse them! The same goes for just about everything else we take for granted these days. Everything has been improved tremendously since then, like baby bottles, strollers, cribs, changing tables, clothes, etc. etc.

Anyway, I came up with this revised version of the Mad Men logo while thinking about all this. What do you think?

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Heroes?

Christopher Reeve Superman statue at the Toynami/Tamashii Nations booth at San Diego Comic-Con International

Over the holidays I was watching ESPN while helping my wife clean the house and two stories came on back to back the first was about Tiger Woods and the second was about Tim Tebow. Listening to these stories and the contrast of hero vs. fallen hero got me to thinking. I wasn’t raised to make sports figures my heroes. I actually wasn’t raised to make anyone a hero. While I don’t think I was ever told this I believe my parents believed heroes were a form of idol worship. As I’ve become an independent adult and now a parent I have to think about the pros and cons of heroes.

What is a Hero?

A Hero is a roll model, someone who has achieved at a super human level. They have stretched themselves beyond what a normal person does and chosen to “bleed from their eyeballs -Gary Vaynerchuck” to achieve their goals. A hero provides an example to work towards and it’s really valuable to have those examples in life so that you know you can reach your goals too. A hero usually excels in a specific area of life.

What is our temptation?

We as humans are tempted to put that hero who excels at an area of life on a pedestal and celebrate the “human being” as a Super human, which they are not. We most commonly do this with sports figures and they almost universally fail.

So I don’t know what to tell my kids. No heroes means they have to get old enough to decide I’m wrong and find their own but at least they’ll know humans are flawed by then on the other hand they may miss a bunch of opportunity to better themselves to be like a hero they would have selected.

Here’s my plea:

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero ’till the end of the night – Or whenever I find someone who fits my definition.

He’s gotta be strong – Strong Moral beliefs, Strong Character, Strong Attitude, Strong enough to hold new resolutions when needed
And he’s gotta be fast – Take Action, Make Course Corrections, Quickly admit when he’s made a mistake, Fast to know and take strong new resolutions

And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight – My hero will not quit the fight, there is not fresh from it because you are always in the middle of it.

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero ’till the morning light – I’ll hold on as long as it takes.

He’s gotta be sure – Make a decision and stick to it. Know what you want and go for it. Risk getting laughed at, stepped on and kicked in the stomach because you know what you want and you go for it.
And he’s gotta be soon – I’m sorry I have no idea what this means and therefore can’t assign any meaning to it.

And he’s gotta be larger than life – Yes my hero probably does need to be larger than life, but let me give a better definition below.

I do want to hold someone up as a hero to my kids and I want that person to meet the following definition.

I want that person to do something they love, I want them to be a strong family person – No divorces and they need to obviously care about their kids, I want them to believe in giving charity and helping others, I want them to believe in God ( I don’t care what they call God), I want them to take good physical care of themselves. I want them to be honest and have integrity. I want them to be kind to and care about others. Most of all I want them to understand that I’m not the only one who expects this of the folks who achieve hero status. All humans know that nobody is perfect and we forgive easily but it sure would be nice to see someone who is in a position to be seen as a hero at least try to meet these standards.

What do you think about heroes? Do you have any? What standards do you hold for them? Do you think women might make better heroes than men?

Photo By Loren Javier on Flickr
Kevin Metzger is father to Haley, Abby and Issac and husband to Melanie. He is a Business Systems Architect and writes on tech and business topics at MetzgerBusiness.com. Kevin also writes MySpellingSucks.com for which he was awarded the 2009 East Cobber Father of the year. Recently Kevin has started TheDADvocateProject.com where he is looking for participation from dads to help write a book about this current generation of dads. Come by and fill out the DADvocate survey.

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Goal Setting

Another year is over and a new one is beginning. This is often a time for setting goals and many people sit down to do it for themselves. I’m wondering how may of you sit down and set family goals and goals for each of your children?

Initially my wife and I did not start out setting goals for the children. We were too wrapped up in getting Haley diagnosed, she has cerebral palsy for those that don’t know. Plus how do you set goals for a 3 month old. However Haley wasn’t hitting some milestone and by the time she was two we really had to look at what levels we wanted her to achieve. There were some significant milestones that she was missing and we had some behavioral challenges we had to overcome. My wife was beginning to loose it and we needed to get things in order. It so happened that I was learning about goal setting at the time and we sat down and identified the behavior issues and physical challenges we wanted to overcome. After identifying the the challenges and issues we decided how we wanted to change the behaviors identifying how we wanted Haley to act and finally we developed a set of strategies including stimuli, responses, carrots and sticks the might work to achieve our desired behaviors. It turned out that we were pretty good at it and the behaviors changed quickly.

Since this initial effort we have used goal setting sessions every so often to help move all of our children through a stage or to the next level. We still don’t have a set time of year where we sit down and do this but when we see the need it’s great to have in our tool set.

So do you use goal setting with your children? How often? What successes have you had?

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Most Popular Posts of 2009 on Dad-O-Matic

Here’s a list of the most popular posts for 2009. Ironically, even though we’re the number one Daddy Blog with over 80 fathers writing for us, our top two posts were from women! This only proves that our new feature called The Better Half  has been a total success. It gives the women in our lives a voice…and adds a touch of much needed estrogen to our testosterone-heavy domain.

1.  5 Legal Documents Every Dad Should Know About byAlexis Martin Neely who shared it on Good Morning America with Chris Cuomo!

2. How to Get More Sex from Your Wife by Christine “Purplecar” Cavalier

3. iPhone Apps for Kids by Ryan Ozawa

4. The Simplest of Pleasures by Chris Brogan

5. Meet Gwen Thompson: The $95 Homeless American Girl Doll by Adam Keats

6. KMart Holiday Shopping Dad Style by Chris Brogan (Controversy did not hurt this one!)

7. Halloween Costumes for Kids by Chris Brogan

8. Kindergarten Assessment – The First Test by David Niall Wilson

9. Recharging Life and Balance by Chris Brogan (Yes, people love his work!)

10. How to Tell a Killer Scary Story by Jeff Sass

11.Lessons Learned from Finding Nemo by Doriano “Paisano” Carta

12. 5 Tips on Fatherhood Your Dad Never Told You by Jeff Sass

13. Andy Andrews Says 50 Things Dads Say in 60 Seconds! by Doriano “Paisano” Carta

14. 5 Tips for Phenomenal Photos of Your Kids by Jason of Kim & Jason

15. The Mom Song by Doriano “Paisano” Carta

So there you go. Which posts did you enjoy the most? Was your favorite not in this list? Please share it in the comments. Thank you for making 2009 such a great year! We plan to make 2010 even better for all dads and all family members!

Doriano

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The Princess & The Dragon – Christmas Magic

My son wants to be a movie director…among other things.  He asked for a green screen setup this year for Christmas, and we got it for him (not cheap).  One of the things we’ve been trying to do, since our family grew by two boys, is to get them all to do things together, to spend time and create the sort of bonds that will last them a lifetime.

Today, Katie, our six year old, asked Zane to draw “sets” with her so she could put on a play.  I saw he wasn’t really having fun, and it all clicked in my mind.  We got out the green screen and set it up.  Katie dressed in her Princess costume.  We got out her Webkinz dragon, and we went to work.  We filmed “The Princess and the Dragon” – a very short film.  Zane edited it with his software, put in a backdrop of a castle, added sound effects…

Here is the final product – at least the one you can see in a video player.  Beyond that…the product was a stronger union between the kids and a shared memory for the three of us.  Good times…thank you Christmas…

 

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Merry Christmas

I put this video together yesterday to share with my friend and family. As the Dad-O-matic dads are quickly becoming part of my online family I wanted to share it here too. Merry Christmas.

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas … From Me

My son Zane got a tripod for his birthday.  His birthday is actually on Christmas day, but wae celebrate early to keep them separate.  Anyway…he filmed me reading “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” …and we thought we’d share.  Enjoy:

 

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The Best Thing I Ever Did

broken television This holiday season, my daughter asked for a plush kitty. My boy asked for anything Thomas. That’s it. Know why? The picture is pretty much the reason. My kids don’t get a steady input of toy ads so as such, they don’t really seem to have as many interests in such.

Now, I used to feel pretty clever about this until my boy found an ad on Playhouse Disney’s site for some game that was like a Nintendo Wii, but much more lame. For a while there, I thought we’d have to get it, because he was pretty fixated after seeing ONE ad. But, we talked him out of the system, and back into something similar but for the Wii he already owned from a year or so ago.

I feel like our kids don’t get a lot of advertising, at least not in the house, and that’s good.

Thing is, look how much advertising WE get as dads. I’m pretty much convinced I need a new expensive watch and a Camaro. Aren’t you?

Photo credit schmilblick

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Introduction

WOW! I’m so excited to join the Dad-O-Matic community. I just wanted to introduce myself in my first blog over here. I guess I share two things in common with everyone on this blog. I’m a Dad and I’m a bit of geek. I guess I’ll start with the Dad stuff and then cover the geek stuff.

I first became a dad Seven Years ago when we lost our first child at 22 weeks. I only mention that because the article I wrote on that experience won me the 2009 East Cobber Father of the Year. In the seven years since we lost that first child I have had three more. The oldest Haley has Cerebral Palsy and was the inspiration for me to start blogging regularly. My second child Abby is 3 and is an absolute trouble maker. The other day she made up the song:

Wiggle your tushy all day long.
wiggle your tushy sing a song.
wiggle your tushy go outside and play.
wiggle your tushy its a beautiful day.

And now I have a 10 week old boy named Issac. As I mentioned Haley inspired my first consistent blog MySpellingSucks.com an unedited discussion about my ADD and Dyslexia and my daughters CP. I generally cover topics about how my disability helps me in raising a child with a disability but I also cover inspirational stories about folks with disabilities and just Dad/parenting stuff in general. I even started The DADvocate Project this past Thanks Giving.

The DADvocate Project is a project to write a book about dads by dads. We’ve created a survey that covers family, fun, work, finances, religion, time spent with kids and family, how often you have sex with your wife, do you have tattoos, have you done recreational drugs etc. We cover the gambit. We are then going to interview a subset of the dads and look for interesting correlation in the data to put together the book. Ideally we’ll have stories about ,what you were like in college and high school, how you developed as a person and how kids changed you. We’ll go deep and it will be fun. The DADvocate Project is currently hosted at the MySPellingSucks.com website but can be reached through TheDADvocateProject.com We certainly can use more entries so come help us reach 1000 entries now.

Finally as I said I’m a geek. I finally convinced my dad when I was eleven to buy a computer. It was 1986 and we bought an Apple IIc. I still love that thing and wish we had kept it. I bought a programming book and wrote a down hill ski program that had two lower case l’s as skis and they were maneuvered by the arrow keys through the * trees. I also was absolutely obsessed with the game Lemonade stand.  Thus was born my profession as a business analyst, half in computers and half in business. Today they call me a Business Systems Architect and I’ve held a number of titles over the year but I’m basically always doing the same thing helping the business find answers for how to make more money, and do it better, faster, cheaper with technology. I do it professionally for larger corporations and I like to help smaller companies with it too on the side. I love technology and I love educating people on it’s use. Therefor I only occasionally cover complicated topics because I want the small business owners who read my site to be able to implement the free and cheap tools available to them to help optimize their business.  If you are interested in this blog you should check it out over at MetzgerBusiness.com .

I’d love to know more about each of you, who read this blog. Tell me about yourself and your kids and how you got into technology.

 

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Shrink the Distance with Family During the Holidays.

My wife’s parents live in Florida and we live in Massachusetts. Holidays are some of the toughest times of year for my wife because her family live so far away and my family lives downstairs. We own a condo on the second floor and they on the first. So, we are always around my family. Making sure that my in-laws are part of the joy and wonder of my daughter Eva’s Christmas can be a challenge. Eva is two years old and these are the best sort of Christmases because she is so excited and filled with wonder. I feel awful that Allison’s parents cannot be here to physically share that with us.

Thank the Internet we’ve got alternatives. For one thing there are programs like Skype and countless other messaging systems to talk with each other or to use video chat. The other day I put together Eva’s Christmas gift from her Mimi and Grandpa Dano. It was an art cart that she could use to create all her future masterpieces. We gave her that gift last night and my in-laws were there.

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Shrink the Distance with Family During the Holidays.

 

No, not actually in the room but they watched Eva’s joy playing with the art cart via MSN messenger and listened to her delight through an open phone line (for some reason their sound is screwed up and using sound from the computer programs is always a lesson in futility for us.). However, this did work for us really well. I could follow Eva around with the Allison’s netbook so she could show her grandparents the tree, her toy and also her own little tree.

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Shrink the Distance with Family During the Holidays.

 

For Christmas Day I may also set up a private folder on Picasa or other online photo site to use with my eye-fi wireless sd card. If I do that every photo I take can automatically upload directly to the site so that my in-laws can follow the festivities real time.

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Shrink the Distance with Family During the Holidays.

 

Had I thought of this more before hand I’d have gotten them a wireless photo frame that can read an RSS feed so that I could pull in Holiday Tweets, Photos and videos so they can see everything right away.

I sense a project in the works. Once I set it up I’ll tell you all about it.

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Put Your Child On Santa’s Nice List

Disney sent me the above email.  I opened it up and decided to try it out.  I already had registered with their site before (for what I have no idea) then it was just a matter of uploading a recent pic of my daughter and typing in her name.

After you make your own video, there are a ton of options to share it on almost every soical network, social bookmarking, and blogging platform.  Most of my family reads my Facebook so I shared it there.  I also blogged about it in case they missed it.

My daughter loved that she could see that she made nice list. You can make your own video by clicking on the above image. Want to see what it will look like before you commit. Click here to see my daughter’s.

Buck blogs almost daily at BuckDaddyBlog.com where he blogs about being a dad, sprinkled with some product reviews and giveaways, with a whole lot humor and self deprecation.  He also write Rules For My Daughter.

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Fun Online Christmas Activities with Santa

Santa ClausAs Christmas draws near, I thought I’d share some fun online sites you might like to share with your children this holiday season. Of course a quick Google search will yield you thousands of results, but here are a few I’ve enjoyed with my kids.

My 4 year old especially likes these. For him as a child that is growing up with on-demand video and the internet, it seems only natural to incorporate some of what Santa does online.

  • Countdown to Christmas features a daily video message from Santa, and a chance to ask St. Nick questions in real time.
  • Santa Update features daily “press releases” from the North Pole keeping everyone up to date on the days leading up to Christmas Eve.
  • Portable North Pole lets you create a custom video greeting from Santa featuring your child’s name, photo, and location, a sneak-peek at the Naughty/Nice List, and even an update on the toy the wished for.
  • Santa Live features live webcams from inside Santa’s office, and outside the workshop.
  • NORAD Tracks Santa is the granddaddy of them all and features real-time tracking of Santa, with video updates and a Google Earth option. You an also follow the Twitter Stream, Facebook Page, and Picasa Web Album. If you are an On-Star user, you can even get hourly updates in your vehicle on Christmas Eve.
  • Track Santa on your mobile device – Google Maps offers NORAD’s Santa Tracking on supported phones.

Merry Christmas!

Chris Webb is a book publisher, father, husband and geek, (although not always in that order) and often buys his kids Star Wars toys for Christmas so he can play with them. He blogs at ckwebb.com, and can be found on Twitter as @chriswebb.

(CC licensed image via The Sierra Club)

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“Cast of Dads” Podcast Episode 2: Vaccines to Vacations…

cod-itunesThe Cast of Dads got together for our second Podcast and covered a wide range of geeky, fatherly topics.  Daddy Brad was out sick which got us off and running comparing notes on the Flu (regular and the H1N1 variety).

In this episode we talk about:

  • Sick Kids
  • H1N1 vaccines
  • Spring Break
  • Holiday travel with kids tips
  • When should a child get a cell phone
  • Mobile phone privacy
  • Microsoft Sync and the Ford Flex
  • Droid thoughts
  • iPhone Batteries & AT&T
  • The Quest for Sponsors

If you like Cast of Dads you can subscribe to the podcast feed.  Or you can listen to Episode 2 here.  Enjoy! (and please let us know what you think!)

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood.  The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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Thoughts From A Future Dad

CC Nichole Manner

CC Nichole Manner

Why do I want to be a dad? It takes more than just being a father to be a dad. Know how many women have a biological clock? Well my male one has been ticking ever since I was a teenager.

I look forward to the day my kid falls down and breaks a bone and I am there to hold his hand at the hospital while it’s set. Being a dad isn’t just about the good moments, the first word, the A+ in school, learning to ride a bike, and graduation. It’s also about those less than stellar moments, staying up all night with your kid because he or she has a fever, being hated with the intensity of 1000 suns for something arbitrary and feeling all the emotion while not being able to do anything about it, the disappointing times when your child runs afoul of the law. I want all of that and more.

I want to be a full time dad through thick and thin, through the love and hate, the good times and bad. Don’t mistake me: there will probably be times where I truly will hate my children and question what type of demon-spawn I have birthed.  Sure as I am writing this there have been times when I’ve felt that same way toward my own parents. I know that regardless of what issue lies in front of us I will love and adore my children always and hold them above anyone else. That is what my parents do and have done.

Even with all of the above listed it doesn’t quite present the whole picture of why I want to be a dad. For me it’s a feeling, a primal urge. I’ll never be able to fully verbalize it, just know that I want to raise & guide someone who I love with all of my existence. If I’m lucky enough it will be a couple of someones.

Being a dad may not be the most glamorous job but I‘m sure that it’s the most rewarding. Until that day comes I’ll do everything in my power to make sure I’m more than qualified to be an A+ dad. And when the time is right I’ll show my kids this article to let them know that being their dad is what I’ve always wanted.

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Have a Politically Correct Christmas

You probably have already wondered how a title like this makes any sense. In today’s world it probably doesn’t. Of those five words, there is one that seems to get the most attention this time of year, though not for the reasons that it used to. For some odd reason our culture has decided that, to be politically correct, the use of the word Christmas is somehow non-PC, which implies the term is offensive.

Wikipedia defines politically correct as a term “denoting language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social offense in gender, racial, cultural, sexual orientation, handicap, and age-related contexts.” Fair enough. So being politically correct seems to be more about exclusion than it is inclusion depending on which side of the fence you land on. It is more about homogenization than it is about being tolerant and accepting. That’s how I see it at least.

I have a suggestion for Dads of all shapes, sizes, religions, non-religions, racial / cultural / sexual orientations. Regardless of where you stand onwhether or not Christmas is an acceptable term, your kids deserve a clean explanation of what Christmas actually is and what it teaches. At that point, they can be open minded and make their own decisions about the political correctness of Christmas.

I tell my kids about all the various religious groups and what they believe or represent (to the best of my abilities, of course, because I am not an expert in much of anything). I feel that they then have a balanced view of the world that they live in as Christians (to the degree they even understand that part of themselves). There is a considerable amount of cultural vitriol out there that they need to handle due to their beliefs despite NOT being narrow minded, judgmental, homophobic televangelists themselves. Of course, in true PC fashion, many people immediately group them into that slice of the Christian faith, which is unfair. Rather than rail against it, though, my wife and I have simply decided to equip them for it. It’s better that way because we can’t stop that kind of judgment. We can just try to manage it.

So this year I would ask that you tell your kids the true Christmas story just to show that everyone, and I mean everyone, deserves a fair shake. I’m not asking you to adopt anything or believe anything I am just asking you to educate. If you don’t know the story, I would be happy to share it at your request. I promise I’ll behave.

Merry Christmas.

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The REAL Expertise of the Child Development Experts

091806_pregnantI am convinced that all the child development books written by so-called “experts” are designed for the sole purpose of driving you insane.

Even though most of the books tell you there will be variances between children at different stages, and that every kid is different, they still group the chapters in such a way that effectively puts all the kids in one box. Last night I picked up one of the guides my wife has been devouring all year. After a few minutes, I was about ready to dial 911 and ask for an über pediatrician, stat.

There was a sample list of the types of things Lucy should be eating in a given day. 6 servings of this, 4 servings of that, a half-cup here, a quarter-cup there. I mentally added it all up and it seemed more like what Jabba the Hut would eat at Old Country Buffet. Of course the book threw in the ever helpful and obligatory, “Your child might not eat very much for some meals,” and “Your child may go through stages of only wanting to eat certain foods.”

Right. And how exactly am I supposed to get her to eat a bread truck’s amount of grain when all she wants to eat is shredded cheese again?

The extremes drive me crazy, and I question whether these books are of any help at all. Considering Lucy is my first child, I realize I am as far as you can get from an expert on child development, but it seems to me like she’s developing just fine. She’s not too fat and not too skinny. She’s learning new things, seems very curious, and previous doctor visits have indicated a full bill of health.

Since Lucy is starting to stand on her own, I got pretty excited when I read, “At this stage, your child may start pulling herself up on things.” It confirmed my suspicion that my little girl is quite the overachiever.

But the doubts quickly crept in when I read the following sentence, “Your child may also be solving algebraic equations by now.”

Yikes.

After about ten minutes on this literary roller coaster, I closed the book, put it down, and vowed never to open it again. Considering my wife reads this book regularly, I am surprised that she is not a complete basket case. As for me, I’ve decided to ignore the books and go with my gut.

Sometimes I think that’s the best thing we can do.

And right now, my gut is telling me that it’s high time for a trip to Old Country Buffet.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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Families, Apparently, Can Grow Suddenly

familyFor many years, I’ve seen my two sons only on alternate weekends.  I’ve hated the separation, but somehow that’s the hand life deals; you do what you can.  About a week ago, the world changed.  The boys’ mother passed on suddenly, and my household grew by two very smart, very polite teenage boys.  There are a lot of things happening all at once, and it’s on me to be the pivot point for all of it.  Have to help them find a way to deal with their loss – get them integrated into the family – make sure no one already here is in any way slighted – get schools, bank accounts, etc. handled…and at the same time, I have to keep myself on an even keel both at work and home.

It’s a lot to toss onto the top of an already crazed holiday season, and if this was all that was involved, it would still be a world changer.  It’s not.  When I picked up my boys to bring them home, I learned that, in some way, I have seriously failed.  The last few years of their life, they have been living under horrible conditions.  They had no water for two years and managed to find ways to keep clean and do well in school.  Their mother was not taking care of them…or their house.  They were pretty much on their own, and their mom was fooling people so well she still had her job as an ophthalmic technician until near the end.  It was, in a word, bad.  I don’t want to dwell on this, and I’m not going to look back at all the small things that should have clued me in on visits.  I’m not going to build up a lot of anger over something I can’t change, but I can definitely tell you that I’ve shouldered a mountain of guilt that will probably never leave me.

So…now I have a few short years.  Precious little time to be the father I was never given the opportunity to be, and to make up for the life they should have had.  I have a very big family now – five children, four of them teenagers.  My step-daughter Stephanie is in college, maintaining a 4.0 average, and is the most responsible adult in the family.  My step-son Billy is a budding web-designer and computer programmer.  My son Zach wants to be a theoretical physicist and, though his new school doesn’t offer it, is going to continue to study Japanese because he enjoys it.  My son Zane is the next artist in the family (Stephanie is an art major).  He plays guitar beautifully – both he and Bill are very good, mostly self-taught.  Zach plays the viola, and Stephanie is teaching herself piano.

That is the crew I have to help with Katie, our youngest, who will turn six in a few short days.  We are a December family, as well, so we have three kids with birthdays this month, and my mother – who is also living with us.  Zane and my mom are Christmas babies, and Katie is on the 22nd, so it’s all pretty tight, keeping birthdays and Christmas separate.

I suspect there will be many Dad-o-Matic moments in the near future, and I want you all to know I appreciate the advice, the reviews, the camaraderie, and the support this site offers.  Fatherhood is a lifelong commitment.  Here’s to a long life.

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Setting Christmas Expectations

Preface: As a believer in Christ and one who celebrates a traditional American Christmas, this commentary is for readers who also celebrate the traditional American Christmas. My comments may not resonate with you other wise, and you may even find yourself disagreeing with me on certain points. This is what I believe, and would like to share.

Now is the season where parents boisterously talk about what they will be getting for their children for Christmas: “I’m getting little Joe a Play Station”, “I’m getting little Mark a Nintendo DSI”, “I’m getting little Susy her own iPhone”. As parents, we all have a desire to give our children everything they want. Often times there is no feeling more belittling than that feeling that you can’t compete with other parents, and give your children the most expensive gadget because you don’t have the money. Some parents will go into debt (or increase their debt) just to give their kids that toy that will make them the envy of the school. And when we are in that capable financial position, we tend to throw out basic concepts of moderation and frugality that teach our children that buying the latest and greatest really isn’t necessary and isn’t what Christmas is about anyway.

There is an important thing to remember: your children will love you no matter what you give them. Seriously, there is no need to feel pressured by the constant barrage of holiday adverts that tug at your guilt strings, and infuse that desire to give your child what ever they ask for Christmas.  Because if they truly understand the meaning of the celebration, they might just check them self, and have reasonable expectations for what they might receive.

Christmas Nativity - Photo Used By Permission freefoto.com

Nativity Scene - Used With Permission freefoto.com

I understand consumerism is what drives the economy (especially when buying Made in the USA), but I wonder what our motions and actions of buy & spend at will are teaching our children this time of year when we should be teaching them the reason for the season. We as parents, need to be setting the examples that were set by our parents and grand parents before us. We should be teaching our children that while it is fun to give and receive, Christmas is not supposed to be a consumer holiday. It is supposed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus. If you consider yourself to be a Christian, but allow the focus of Christmas to be about the gift exchange and the parties instead of teaching who Jesus is, then you are simply contributing to the consumerism of Christmas. I ask you, how much time do you give to present exchanges and Christmas parties? Now, how much time do you give to telling the story of the birth of Jesus to your children during this special season? Have you taken Christ out of your Christmas?

About Charlie

Charlie Profit has been happily married since 1997 and is father to four wonderful children. He has Faith in Christ, is a Conservative Libertarian, and believes in limited government with free markets. He is a Talk Host, Podcaster and Blogger at www.charlieprofit.com. Charlie is a veteran broadcaster and owns his own broadcast and new media services company CAB Radio, coaching Internet Talk Hosts, podcasters and helping companies with their Social Media presence.

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Announcing The “Cast of Dads” Podcast…

cod-itunesNo baloney, it was a lot of fun participating in the Sony DigiDad Project and I hope you enjoyed the posts here at Dad-O-Matic that were inspired by the Sony gear I was able to borrow and play with.  My kids and I particularly enjoyed our re-creating The Picture of Dorian Gray and creating a spoof infomercial for the Sony Vaio P mini laptop/ping-pong paddle.

While all the Sony Gear has now been returned, the connections made between the participating dads is going to live on in a new project.  The “Sony Dads” represent a great cross section of dad and personal blogs and we have decided to continue the conversation in a (hopefully weekly) podcast called the Cast of Dads.  We will cross-post our episodes at our respective blogs (in my case, here at Dad-O-Matic) and of course you can subscribe to the podcast at www.castofdads.com (and soon in iTunes.)

At launch there are five dads in our cast, and between us we have thirteen kids, so I suspect we will always have great stories to share.  In our “premiere episode” we talk about:

  • Artificial vs. Real Christmas Trees
  • Holiday decorating
  • Mixed religious household traditions
  • Shopping for Holiday presents
  • What our kids are asking for this year
  • The coolness of Lego

And of course we introduce ourselves.  You can listen to Episode 1 of Cast of Dads here.  We’d love to hear what you think, and hope you will follow us as the show evolves.

Cast of Dads is a group of podcasting and blogging dads who gather to gab about fatherhood.  The cast of dads includes C.C. Chapman, Jeffrey Sass, Max Kalehoff, Michael Sheehan, and Brad Powell, who collectively represent 13 kids from the youngest of babies to full grown adults. Each of them brings a unique perspective to being a father.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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None of the right books

In C.S. Lewis’ classic book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, he introduces the unfortunate character of Eustace, whom he describes in the first line of the book, “There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”

Eustace, quite to his chagrin, finds himself in another world – the world of Narnia – and on a quest to the end of the world aboard a ship called the Dawn Treader. In one of his misadventures on this voyage, Eustace sneaks away from the crew while on an island and finds himself at the bottom of a cliff in the presence of something unknown. Lewis recounts:

Something was crawling. Worse still, something was coming out [of the cave]. Edmund or Lucy or you would have recognized it at once, but Eustace had read none of the right books. The thing that came out of the cave was something he had never even imagined – a long lead-colored snout, dull red eyes, no feathers or fur, a long lithe body that trailed on the ground, legs whose elbows went up higher than its back like a spider’s, cruel claws, bat’s wings that made a rasping noise on the stones, yards of tail. And the two little lines of smoke were coming from its two nostrils. He never said the word Dragon to himself. Nor would it have made things any better if he had. (pp 75-6)

Eustace had read none of the right books to prepare him for adventure. Indeed, he had read none of the right books to inspire the courage and honor that his adventure required. Rather, “He liked books if they were books of information and had pictures of grain elevators or of fat foreign children doing exercises in model schools” (p9).

Eustace is the foil of Lewis himself, who says,

“I am the product of long corridors, empty sunlit rooms, upstairs indoor silences, attics explored in solitude, distant noises of gurgling cisterns and pipes, and the noise of the wind under the tiles. Also, of endless books. There were books in the study, books in the drawing room, books in the cloakroom, books (two deep) in the great bookcase on the landing, books in a bedroom, books piled as high as my shoulder in the cistern attic, books of all kinds reflecting every transient stage of my parents’ interests, books readable and unreadable, books suitable for a child land books most emphatically not. Nothing was forbidden me. In the seemingly endless rainy afternoons I took volume after volume from the shelves.” (pp 211, About the Author)

Lewis, in turn, has bequeathed to us some of finest children’s fantasy in the English language, the kind that ennobles and inspires. The question for us as parents, and particularly as fathers, is whether we are raising children to be like Eustace or Lewis. Do we share books together that quicken the imagination, celebrate honor and inspire action? We may not have resources to line the walls of every room (and cistern!) with books, but in virtually every town and city there is a library filled with books for the borrowing.

If you’re wondering where to begin, I can suggest no better book in print than Honey for a Child’s Heart: The Imaginative Use of Books in Family Life, the second half of which is an annotated bibliography of great books for children, organized by age and topic. The author, Gladys Hunt, also keeps a blog by the same title, and she has graciously made the book list available online through Tumblon.

Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children (and is currently re-reading the Chronicles of Narnia with his five-year-old). You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

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Andy Andrews Says 50 Things Dads Say in 60 Seconds!

This is funny stuff. Andy Andrews shares 50 things that his dad said to him as a kid in blazing speed!
It reminds me of the amazing Mom Song that we featured on here before.

Here they are:

  1. You’d better change your tune pretty quick or you’re out of here.
  2. I mean it.
  3. Is that understood?
  4. Don’t shake your head at me.
  5. I can’t hear your head rattle.
  6. Don’t mumble.
  7. You act like the world owes you a living.
  8. You’ve got a chip on your shoulder.
  9. You’re not going anywhere looking like that.
  10. You’re crazy if you think you are.
  11. If you think you are, just try me.
  12. I don’t know what’s wrong with you.
  13. Other kids don’t pull stuff like that.
  14. I wasn’t like that.
  15. What kind of an example do you think you are for you brothers and sisters?
  16. Stand up straight.
  17. Don’t slouch.
  18. Would you like a spanking?
  19. If you would like a spanking, just tell me now and we’ll get this thing over with.
  20. You’re cruising for a bruising.
  21. I’m your father and as long as you live in my house you’ll do as I say.
  22. Do you think the rules don’t apply to you?
  23. I’m here to tell you that they do.
  24. Are you blind?
  25. Watch what you’re doing!
  26. You walk around like you’re in a daze.
  27. Something better change and change fast.
  28. You’re driving you mother to an early grave.
  29. This is a family vacation.
  30. You’re going to have fun whether you like it or not.
  31. Take some responsibility.
  32. Pull your own weight.
  33. Don’t expect other people to pick up after you and don’t ask me for money.
  34. What do you think I’m made of money?
  35. Do you think I have a tree that grows money?
  36. You’d better wake up and I don’t mean maybe.
  37. Do you act like this when you’re away from us?
  38. We’ve given everything we possibly could.
  39. Food on the table.
  40. A roof over your head, things we never had when we were your age.
  41. You treat us like we don’t exist.
  42. That’s no excuse.
  43. If he jumped off a cliff would you jump off a cliff too?
  44. You’re grounded.
  45. I’m not going to put up with this for another minute.
  46. You’re crazy if you think I am.
  47. If you think I am just try me.
  48. Don’t look at me that way.
  49. Look at me when I’m talking to you.
  50. Don’t make me say this again.
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The Journey Begins

Today’s post is really a beginning. I’m a neurohacker at heart and by profession. I design behavioral software. That means I create media designed to “install” beliefs and behaviors into people just like you would install a new app onto your computer. I enjoy it. I’m good at it. And I believe that one day soon it will change the world in wonderful ways.

However, what’s most important to me is that I use what I know to raise Miles, my little boy, into someone who is happy and healthy. Someone who has meaning and purpose to his life. Who knows that freedom is everything and all the rest is love.

Because I’ve spent so much of my time helping others learn to be ‘at their best’ I am particularly aware of how new information gets encoded into our minds and our behaviors.

Which brings me to my son and this post.

After nearly seven years of raising him against the cultural grain, I’ve decided that I want to start sharing the adventure. I know there is a growing number of intentional and intelligent parents that want more than what’s obvious. So do I. And, since there are no channels offering the kind of parenting I want to see, I figured I’d create my own.

This is the beginning of a journey. I hope you enjoy it. And I hope you participate. Everything is better with friends.

Here’s to raising children that become adults still vibrant with wonder and awe.

Big Love,

Devon

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Caterpillars and Butterflies

butterfly_finger We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and the whole family settled down to watch The Hannah Montana movie. While I’ll admit that I think her show is actually funny and entertaining, I have to say that I was not thrilled with this movie selection. So I tried to make the best of it by making my crowd-pleasing home-made kettle corn and decided to give the movie a chance.

Well, much to my surprise, I actually found myself enjoying this story. Sure, it had lots of silly juvenile moments but over-all it was a good movie for young and old alike. The kids enjoyed the music, dancing and comedy and us grown-ups liked that stuff to some degree but mostly I loved the heart-warming moments between a daughter and her dad.

This scene was my favorite moment of the movie when she sings a new song she’s written about her relationship with her dad. I know I was biased because there I was experiencing this beautiful song while holding my four year-old angel Rachel. As I embraced my little caterpillar I kept thinking of the day she turns into a butterfly and flies away to chase her own dreams. I have to confess that tears were streaming big time. So glad it was dark in the room.

Here are the lovely lyrics to this magical song and such a memorable scene

Butterfly Fly Away lyrics
Songwriters: Ballard, Glen; Silvestri, Alan;

You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back
You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn’t sleep at night
Scared things wouldn’t turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me
Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you’ll be
Can’t go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might
Don’t you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
Flap your wings now you can’t stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
We’ve been waiting for this day
All along and knowing just what to do
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away

The other highpoint came at the end with the big hit single “The Climb” which I didn’t love when it came out. However, I really like it now that I’ve experienced within the context of the movie and the story it told. What a great message it tells… to enjoy the view DURING the climb… I know I sure am enjoying the view of this climb each and every chance I get.

Here’s the full version of the Butterfly Fly Away song

Image by thelastminute

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Thanks and Misgivings: A Remarried Dad Looks Back and Ahead

aaathanksI’m looking at a photo of myself topless.

I’m five years old, playing the role of an Indian in my kindergarten Thanksgiving Day play, red war paint on my chest and cheeks, and a paper feather painfully stuck in my head. I remember being much more concerned about exposing my naked chest than about some historical sit-down between Pilgrims and Indians.

Thirty-five years and many thousands of tuition dollars later, I still don’t like being shirtless in public, and also don’t know much more about Thanksgiving’s true origins than I did then. So I did something I never would have dreamed of back in elementary school. I Googled Thanksgiving.

This is what we know: A long time ago, some 130 restless Europeans cashed in their frequent sailor miles for adventurous times — and a helping of religious freedom — in the New World. They brought their families, rats, and funky buckle hats. The Wampanoag Indians, happy to see the Pilgrims in the way deer are happy to see an oncoming tractor trailer, gave them corn and helped them survive the harsh winter. In return, the Pilgrims gave them small pox. The Pilgrims and Native Americans had a big three-day meal with turkey, squash and succotash. One generation after the first Pilgrims accepted the natives’ generous help, the two groups were attacking each other instead of turkeys.

Fast forward half a millennium or so, and we’re still replaying some of those early customs. We still carve turkeys, set our tables for guests we’re wary about, and watch Redskins and Chiefs on TV. There were no Thanksgiving Day parades during Pilgrim times, of course, but it’s quite possible Willard Scott was there.

In my first life as a father, Thanksgiving started with everyone getting up early and watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade on television. We yawned through the marching bands, delighted at the majestic floats, and gawked at B-level music stars moving their freezing lips to songs they’d come to hate. By the early afternoon, the kitchen would be abuzz with rolling, chopping, basting, sweating, and swearing. Inevitably, someone would become inordinately worried about the turkey. Was it taking too long to cook? Was it too pink? Too dry? Was it organic, or did it have track marks on its leg? Was it really a chicken?

We complimented everything on the table for fear of insulting a contributing guest: “This salt is so good and salty! Who here made this salt? And this water is to die for!” Meanwhile, my Dad looked longingly at the mute television as if it were calling out to him.

My ex-wife and I plan to switch Turkey Day custody every year, so last year I spent my first Thanksgiving in nearly a decade without my kids. I yakked on about the weather, car troubles, and work as I usually do, but it still felt incomplete, as if someone forgot to invite the turkey.

The day after Thanksgiving, my wife Anne and I took my kids to Disney’s High School Musical on Ice. What could be more patriotic than ice dancers simulating basketball to a syrupy Disney soundtrack? The kids were mesmerized, and I dropped cash at the souvenir stand as if I was competing for their attention with Thanksgiving itself.

When we got home, we immediately dropped our Disney gear, kicked off our shoes, and flopped on the couch to watch the previous day’s parade on the DVR. In the kitchen, Anne was making chicken and French fries. Lazy cats were warming the furniture all around us.

With the familiar smell of comfort food in the air, cheers and tympanis from the roaring television, and a fading likeness of Zac Efron stamped on my hand, I realized that all traditions — even late-coming ones — have a starting point. This is ours. This is our Plymouth Rock. (Well, perhaps the Plymouth Living Room).

And these days, I get to keep my shirt on. If that’s not something to be thankful for, I don’t know what is.

Joel Schwartzberg is an award-winning essayist, contributor to The Good Men Project, and author of The 40-Year-Old Version (in which this essay appears). He gives thanks to anyone giving him a subway seat, letting him cut into their driving lane, or just checking out his new book.

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A Question of Affection

As a dad of four beautiful girls (and a lovely wife – seen below 4-5 months pregnant with our son) affection, and the subsequent display, has never been a question inAll My Girlsour household. There’s lots of “loves” (as we call them) to go around for everybody. Snuggles, hugs, and kisses abound.  But now I suddenly find myself with a different circumstance: we just had a BOY.

You must be thinking, well, so what? I mean dude, you have four kids, so what’s the big deal – right?  Well my reading friend, the big deal is that the fifth baby wasn’t another girl.  You see, as a dad of four girls, I have the girl thing down cold. We know how that gender tracks, know the ins and outs. And, as a dad, I know I’m allowed to lavish affection on my four girls. But what do I do with a BOY?

For those of you with boys already, or that maybe didn’t grow up in my *slightly* dysfunctional family, you may not be seeing

the issue AS an issue, but for me this is a big deal. It’s a deal that goes way back to my roots.

I grew up as the third and youngest child (as well as youngest boy) in an old

Girls are Fun (and nutty)school (you kiss your kids and tell them you love them when they’re asleep) Italian household. Don’t let those movies about gangsters kid you, nor the stereotype of the old world Italian guys kissing each other in greeting prejudice your thoughts. My household could have taught those overly demonstrative Puritans and Pilgrims a thing or two. The only violent display of emotion in my Italian household was anger. Period. Paragraph.

Despite this bizarre anomaly of behavior, I grew up the first 6 years of my life as my dad’s best little buddy – not to mention his only hope of a jock in the family as my brother showed no interest (and still doesn’t) in exercise of any kind. I idolized my dad, and on the day I had a meltdown at preschool, it was my dad I was crying for – not my mom. The day I entered first grade, it all changed. From that time on, like there had been some kind of switch or something, my dad and I no longer hung out. Gone were the days of sitting on his lap at Parault’s (my surrogate grandfather’s) house and taking swigs of ‘Gansett from the long neck on the table – instead, I suddenly was pushed off and out on my own.

In fairness to my dad (who would be 93 as I write this if he were still with us) he had a pretty rough and tumble up bringing. Himself the youngest of three siblings, he had to endure both his father passing away then his mother re-marrying AND passing away by the time he was a teen – which by the way was just in time for the start of the great depression. Dear old dad had no idea what it was to be a father, except to do his best to provide for us. He gave us a house to live in, food on the table and clothes on our back. He busted his hump to provide private school educations for his three children (on the princely sum of $10,000 per annum mind you), and he made sure we all went to college. Oh, and he bought me lots of Puff Pies. Unfortunately, I looked like a walking Puff Pie for several years because of that.  Dad passed away six months after his youngest child (me) was finally married on his 45th wedding anniversary. His job was done. That is the way dad was.

IMG_0233Unfortunately for his seven year old son, it didn’t make sense that all of a sudden we weren’t buddies anymore. So from that point on until I was 22, there was discontent and especially in my teens, all out war. And while we worked out an understanding after that, my dad and I were never buddy buddy again. Sure, I loved and respected him (even more so now looking at what he did) but we never had that buddy relationship again. No real affection and warmth, just more a genteel respect.

I know the back story is long, but i wanted you to have perspective as we now Fast forward to 10/20/09 at 11:19 pm as I hold my first born son in my arms and my thought is… What do I do now? Because holding this little boy, I have no idea, no model. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to smother this little bundle with kisses like I did his sisters. I mean, is it ok to kiss a little boy? I mean, he’s a boy.

Don’t get me wrong here. Lord knows I’m a high maintenance metrosexual enough as it is with my background, so it’s not just because I’m some roughneck on an oil rig retired from 20 years as a drill sergeant that I’m asking this, it’s because I have no idea how I’m allowed to express all my love and affection to this little boy. With the girls it was easy. Until I’m too old to hold them in a father’s embrace, I know I can always hug and kiss them. But, a boy?

Sure, as a baby it’s not really an issue, but what about when he’s three or four or (my gosh) *fourteen* what am I going to do? Well, to tell you the truth, I know exactly what I’m going to do.

IMG_1364

At 49 I’m embarking on the final stage of an amazing parenting journey – learning how to get through all the remainingemotions from a less than affectionate childhood to become the example for my son that I never had. I’m going to have the incredible opportunity to not only do what my dad did for me – but go beyond that to show him what it’s like to have an affectionate and loving dad. No, I’m not going to kiss him on the lips (just as a note, the only lips I kiss belong to my bride), but I am going to kiss him and I am going to hug him. Someday – just because he’s a boy – I’m sure he’s not going to want dad kissing him and on that day I’ll reserve for him a fathers loving embrace. An embrace, a handshake, the clasping of the arms, the arm around his shoulder that tells my son that he’s loved, he’s respected and I’m proud of what he has become.

So, I guess there won’t be much of a question of affection, unless it’s how much he can take before he says Dad! No Mas!

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New Addition to the Dad-O-Matic Family: Gary Vaynerchuk!

wineguy190

Just like a proud papa, we are over-joyed to announce a new member to the Dad-O-Matic family! Please welcome the one and only, Gary Vaynerchuk from WineLibrary TV! He’s not only a successful business owner in the wine industry and wildly popular in the social media arena, but he’s also a successful author of a series of books such as his latest effort called “Crush It!”. Most important of all, though, he has recently become a daddy for the first time in his life which is why he will become a valuable addition to our voice.

Here’s Gary’s first contribution to Dad-O-Matic where he shares how thankful he is this year for becoming a dad. He also shares how excited he is to be a part of the Dad-O-Matic family!

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Here’s a recent interview where Gary shares for the first time his personal feelings about that very important subject matter… being a dad!

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Teaching My Son to Lucid Dream

As an astronaut of consciousness I had to raise my son Miles as a lucid dreamer. I started with no particular agenda or expectations when he was about three and a half. That was three years ago.

Today Miles is a natural. He thinks about and experiences dreaming in a way I’ve never experienced before. For him, waking up in his dreams is just a matter of course. That’s simply how dreaming goes.

It was only recently that I realized that he can go lucid at will. Today he woke me up with new details on exactly how easily he can influence his dreams. The details are in the video….

Devon White is a professional neurohacker and the lead developer of the Human Operating System. He is passionate about helping parents protect their children’s innate curiosity, ensuring that they grow into happy, healthy, passion- and purpose-filled adults. He resides in Nyack, NY with his son, Miles.

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A First-Year Father’s 13 Things to Be Thankful For (Podcast)

[podcast]http://www.kimandjason.dreamhosters.com/clubkj_stuff/audio_articles/13_Things_To_Be_Thankful_For.mp3[/podcast]
In a few weeks, my daughter Lucy will celebrate her first birthday. Last Thanksgiving, we had to skip the traditional two-hour drive home because my wife looked like she was hiding the Great Pumpkin under her shirt. At the risk of sounding like every other dad who’s ever lived, I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. (Even though the first few weeks did seem like an eternity.)

112304_thanksgivingWith another Thanksgiving just around the corner, and my first year of fatherhood coming to a close, I sure do have a lot to be thankful for, including sleep, football, and cheese. Here’s the full list:

1 ) Sleep.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a big fan of sleep. It’s just that I’m much more grateful for it now. Every hour of sleep is pure gold and Sunday afternoon family naps are better than a juicy steak. Never more true than in the first year of parenthood is the old adage that says, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.”

2 ) The guy who invented disposable diapers.
You, my friend, are a saint. Now, my hat is off to all of the brave, patient souls who go the route of cloth diapers. I salute you, particularly because you appear to be some brand of superhuman. Although our choice to go disposable may not be as environmentally friendly, I take solace in the idea that I’m doing my part to jumpstart the economy.

3 ) Football.
Oh, football, you bastion of manliness serving as a needed escape from the jungle of fatherhood. For a few hours, you let me revel in grown men smacking the crap out of each other as I watch from the comfort of my couch in my fleece pants. Who knew that Jay Cutler’s 17 interceptions (so far!) could serve such a noble purpose?

4 ) Moms.
First, let me state the obvious. If guys had to go through the whole childbirth thing, there’d be a lot less people on Earth. Like maybe none. Plus, moms are so good at remembering those little things that we dads often forget, like the fact that it might be a good idea to put a coat on your baby when it’s cold outside.

5 ) Colors not named pink.
I grew up in a home with two brothers. The only females were my mom and our dog. There wasn’t a whole lot of pink going on. But now, in just one year’s time, I have already achieved a lifetime’s worth of exposure to the color pink. Apparently that is the only color you’re allowed to dress little girls in. I have a new found appreciation for the colors blue, orange, green, and yes, even brown.

6 ) Hand-me-downs.
Not being the first couple on either side of the family to have kids has its advantages. One of them is all the clothes we’ve gotten from siblings who are done having children. They appreciate the fact that they can now see a corner of their basement, and I am happy that we haven’t had to spend one penny on clothes. (Except for the little Cubs dress I bought Lucy over the summer. It was adorable, baseball related, and most importantly, not pink.) This wallet-saving benefit makes up for the millions of diapers we’ve purchased so far.

7 ) The internet.
Where else can you access such a river of information about the little things that pop up during baby’s first year but via our friend, the Interwebs. Even though some research leads you to believe that your baby might have some combination of scurvy and lupis, there’s enough information out there that allows you to eventually find what you want to hear: this is normal and everything is fine.

8 ) People who considered buying my daughter annoying electronic toys but didn’t.
Thank you. I love you. If you need a kidney, call me. You are right up there with Mother Teresa in the compassion department. Any baby toy that plays music is from the devil. I hate them. I find the fact that they don’t mention ear bleeding as a common side effect on the packaging a gross disdain for truth in advertising. Some of you may think I’m exaggerating about the whole devil thing, but those of you who’ve heard one of these toys go off when the battery is dying knows quite well the unmistakable sounds of demon babble.

9 ) The fact that she’s still in one piece.
I used to think of my home as a peaceful, safe haven. Who knew that my house was one big war zone with all kinds of booby traps designed to inflict harm upon my little one? Pinched fingers, bumped heads, and a bloody lip are just some of the battle scars Lucy has picked up while living in the death trap that is our home. The fact that she’s still alive is something to be grateful for, especially since I am quite certain I had nothing to do with it.

10 ) The cuteness of babies.
Not only do they suddenly make all of your photos look ten times better, but babies and their inherent cuteness is actually a well-designed survival mechanism created by God. Were it not for Lucy’s heart-melting toothy grin and scrunched-up nose when she smiles, I am quite certain I would have shipped her to Siberia with no return address by now. And that could potentially put a damper on my chances of being named Father of the Year.

11 ) The Madison Birth Center.
Our midwives and the people on staff at the Center helped make our first experience with pregnancy and childbirth one the most peace-filled, personal, educational, and exciting chapters of our life. Kim and I still look back to the evening Lucy was born as one of the most calm, magical, and spiritual experiences we’ve ever had. And they helped give us the confidence that we could competently make the transition from a family of two to a family of three (which is a bigger leap than it sounds.)

12 ) Cheese.
I’m not sure Lucy is what would be considered a picky eater. She eats a wide variety of foods, although we’re never quite sure what will suit her fancy on any particular day. She’ll gobble down peaches for breakfast and act like they’re pure cyanide for lunch. But one thing she will always eat is cheese. A small pile of shredded cheddar is gone quicker than Usain Bolt on Jolt. This may or may not have something to do with her being born in Wisconsin.

13 ) The Costco-sized bulk package of joy.
Until you actually have a kid, you don’t quite know what to expect. When it comes to Adultitis, the debate rages on: are kids the cause or the cure? But what makes the sleepless nights, the dirty diapers, and the always “on” state of alertness worthwhile is the insane amount of joy that has been added to my life. Lucy makes me smile, laugh, and very, very happy. Being a Dad is the coolest thing ever, and for the opportunity to become one is something that makes me truly thankful.

Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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Stale Daddy Jokes

© 2009 - "Happy Sylvia" by MJCarrasquilloDad, King of Comedy…

Growing up in a highly opinionated, and comedic laden, Latin household you would think that new jokes would present themselves often and we would all, in a sense, “TEST” our new material out on each other in the house but then sometimes you get caught up with your “big hit.”

My dad…he’s the classic “greatest hits” joke teller–you know what I mean by greatest hits joke teller, the joke your pop tells you EVERY-TIME he sees you and laughs like it was just crafted? My pop seems to think it always works because we all laugh but the fact of the matter is…no, it’s not at all funny anymore. The joke has lost it’s luster but nobody wants to hurt a dad’s feelings by telling him, “Dude, you need new jokes.” So us sons and daughters let it slide and just chuckle with him…all the while deep inside we’re cringing and goosebumps are running up and down our body.

The “Oath”

As a new dad myself, I vowed to NEVER catch myself in this dad cycle of stale jokedom. I have made a solemn oath to myself to NEVER recycle the stale and consistently exercise the noodle to come up with new and cutting edge zingers. The last thing I need, for my ego, is my daughter looking at me like she would rather watch grass grow or tell her friends (or me for that matter) how embarrassed I make her because my jokes NEVER change.

Think Change Or Else…

So, how do I plan to change this? I don’t really know yet but I would think that I should strip it down to the bare essentials. Here’s what I came up with to start:

  1. I can’t over think it, I need to explore the joke-o-sphere.
  2. Bomb, but bomb with grace or fail big all together and laugh at myself. A new idea may present itself just in that. Failure equals success right? Can’t have hits without misses.
  3. Limit myself when I get a reaction to the “Hit” joke and learn from it, build and file away mentally why it worked.

Let’s be honest, we’re all going to be jokesters with our families but it’s up to us to be the cool cutting edge joke dad so our kids will think to themselves, “How does this guy think of this stuff?” A dad’s mission is to keep the family on their toes and alert. Got any additional ideas dads?

This is today’s Trials of Being Dad!

PS: Dad, please don’t be mad, I DO love your jokes! Kisses & Hugs.

Michael J. Carrasquillo is a NYC musician, filmmaker, speaker, organizer of NYC Media Makers & new father. He blogs at Issue De ‘Quillo and produces a podcast called “The Trials of Being Mike” and an upcoming podcast called “moments”. You can follow him on Twitter @mjcarrasquillo.

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New Mobile App Helps Parents Track Where KidsEatFree!

kidseatfree_logoKidsEatFree offers an extremely useful service that tracks all of the places where kids eat free (hence the name). Parents just enter their zipcode and a list of all those establishments will be generated in seconds. The good news is that you can actually access this service via your mobile device thanks to their new free app for the iPhone & Android models.

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Right now, you can access lists generated for several big cities. However, this does not mean you can’t use their service if your city isn’t listed. You can still enter your zip code and see which places offer free grub for kids in your vicinity. Obviously, this comes in handy when you’re traveling and don’t know the area as well as your own neighborhood.

  • Phoenix
  • Dallas / Ft. Worth
  • Los Angeles
  • Orange County
  • Riverside
  • Chicago
  • Houston
  • Columbus
  • Austin
  • Denver
  • San Diego
  • Philadelphia
  • Detroit
  • Washington
  • Louisville
  • Minneapolis
  • Oakland
  • Seattle
  • Here’s a look at the slick calendar view of establishments in the Atlanta area:
    area

    Another nice thing is that the service allows all parents to contribute to their ever-growing database by submitting new places that let kids eat for free.

    You can follow them on Twitter: http://twitter.com/kidseatfor
    You can also join their Facebook page

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    Stop Carving Boring Pumpkins

    Mickey PumpkinLiberty Pumpkinwicked pumpkin

    Since tomorrow is Halloween, and it’s a Saturday, a lot of you will be carving your pumpkins.  Please, don’t carve a boring one.  We’re Dad-o-matic dads.  We don’t carve boring pumpkins.  You may think it is difficult to carve a cool pumpkin, but it’s not.  Like most things, all you need are the right set of tools, and the instructions.

    Today, it’s really easy to find both.  You can usually pick up a pumpkin carving kit like this one at your grocery store.  I like the Pumpkin Masters one (No FTC, I wasn’t compensated to say that), but any booklet of templates with these basic tools will do.pumpkin carving kit

    There are tips about how to pick the pumpkin, store it, and great tips about carving one with the provided templates.  Read the tips and try it.  They rate the templates on difficulty, and I suggest starting with an easy one.  Any of them will be better than the triangle eyed one you may have had in mind.

    If you have small children, you can find templates of their favorite characters on-line for free.  Just type pumpkin+template+[insert character name here] into Google.  That’s how I found this Dora template.  Nick Jr’s website has Dora, Backyardigans, and others, free for the printing.

    I really want you to try this, so here is how to do it.

    First, print out the template and gut your pumpkin.  You may have to adjust the size of the template depending on the size of your pumpkin. If you have an all-in-one printer, you can do this easily by making a copy and reducing the size.

    Dora Template

    Then you tape the template onto the pumpkin.  I find if I get the paper wet, it makes it easier to tape, but be careful when you do this.

    template2

    Then you transfer the pattern to the pumpkin.  Take the little tool that looks like a fan, and poke little holes along the lines.  The middle spike is longer than the others, and this makes it easier to do the tight spots.

    transfer_pattern

    When your done with this, remove the template and you are ready to carve.

    To make the pattern easier to see, I suggest you sprinkle some flour onto your pumpkin.  Spread it around and wipe it off.  The flour fills all the tiny holes and leaves you with a pattern that you can see.

    Cut away the pieces from the center, out.  Remove large parts in sections.  Use a sawing motion and don’t try to do too much in one pass.  Small cuts is what you are looking for.  When you are done, you get something that you can barely tell is your pattern, like this.

    dora_pumpkin

    When you put a candle in there though, everything becomes clear.  You will get something like this.

    Dora Pumpkin Lit

    A few tips that will make your experience easier.

    1. Cut the pattern from the center, out.
    2. Don’t try to cut out and remove big pieces at once.  Cut them out in sections.
    3. It is easier to push the cut away pieces into the pumpkin than remove them outward.
    4. HAVE FUN

    Leave yourself about an hour, especially if you have never done it before.  Believe me, you can do this.  The impress factor far outweighs the effort on this one.  Whether you use a pattern from the book or download one from the Internet, definitely get the carving tools.

    So no more boring pumpkins!  Your kids will be so happy you did this, and you will be too.

    Ian is the father of two young daughters  (6, and 22 months old).  He  has a podcast and blogs about starting a business while raising young children at Startup Daddy.

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    Recycle, Reuse, and Re-purpose Halloween Costumes

    Tiger CostumeThis is my daughter’s third Halloween.  Every year, she is a tiger.  She is a tiger because we live in Memphis, TN and the mascot for the University of Memphis is a tiger.  You might ask yourself what that has to do with my daughter’s Halloween.  We recycle, reuse, and re-purpose the costume for multiple uses.  This won’t work for every costume out there but we purposely made her a tiger for these reasons.

    She wears the costume for every party and trick or treat event we go to.
    We live near both sets of grandparents.  We go to both their neighborhoods.  She also wears it to school and around or neighborhood. Times costume used = 4

    It doubles as a coat.
    Halloween is usually cold.  The tiger costume works well as a coat or a full body jump suit.  Add in the hood and it is perfect protection.  We attend college football games into December.  The tiger costume works for game day.  It doe not matter if we go to the game or if we simply go watch the game somewhere.  For added effect, we throw a cheer leading outfit on top of it and instant tiger cheerleader. Time costume used = 4 or 5

    Pajamas
    As it gets colder and colder, the tiger costume makes great PJs.  My daughter loves wearing the costume to bed so this works out well.  In years past it has been a one piece but this year it is a separate jacket and pants.   Time costume used = 5 or 6

    Total times the costume is used = at least 13 times.

    This will probably be the last time that I get to decide what she is.  I think princess costumes are on deck for next year.

    Buck blogs almost daily at BuckDaddyBlog.com where he blogs about being a dad, sprinkled with some product reviews and giveaways, with a whole lot humor and self deprecation.

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    The Top 5 Worst Halloween Treats Ever

    pumpkin_pukeOne of the best perks of being a parent is raiding your kids’ Halloween candy when they are asleep. Of course, my daughter is only eleven months old, so I am still in the unenviable position of actually having to buy candy.

    What a drag.

    The only thing worse than having to buy your own candy is getting the lame candy that some people enjoy handing out on Halloween. Here’s my top five worst Halloween treats of all time:

    3 Musketeers. A Snickers bar without the good stuff. Even Milky Way manages to throw in some caramel. My wife and I have heated disagreements about this one, but I wish 3 Musketeers would keep its nougat to itself. (I’m pretty sure “nougat” is French for “cheap filler.”)

    Almond Joy and Mounds. Almond Joy would be a whole lot more joyful without the coconut, thank you very much. Don’t even get me started on Mounds.

    Circus Peanuts. Jerry Seinfeld once referred to them as door stops. I think he was being too kind. They’re too small to serve a purpose that useful.

    Popcorn Balls. Not a candy, per se. Not even sure if it’s a food, to be honest. Not good, that’s for sure.

    Black Licorice. Everybody knows that a bowl with nothing but black jelly beans means that somebody ate all the jelly beans. Black licorice anything is bad news. It was developed by witches and labeled “candy” as a way to poison little children through trickery. It’s true. Look it up.

    Now, this is a pretty diverse crowd, and I’m aware that one person’s cause for dry heaving is another’s taste of heaven. So tell me, where have I gone wrong? Where do you stand? What’s YOUR least favorite Halloween candy?

    110605_halloween

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #3

    In Dad’s Life Lessons On The Wall, I shared an easy and loving way to teach your child important life lessons. Perhaps one of my lessons is one of yours?

    Rule #3: Are you proud of who you were today?

    Rule #3: Are you proud of who you were today?

    The photo of Zachary with Rule #3 on his bedroom wall.

    So you blew it today.

    That wasn’t a smart thing to say. Your friend is mad at you. You fought with your sister. You got caught in a lie and got punished. Today was not a good day.

    Rule #3 is simple. Ask, “Am I proud of who I was today?”

    If the answer is ‘yes,’ congratulations! What did you like about your behavior today? Is it something you can repeat tomorrow?

    If the answer is ‘no,’ why? Can you do something differently tomorrow? Can you apologize or do something to make someone else feel better?

    The point of Rule #3

    Nothing’s permanent. You have another chance tomorrow. Don’t beat yourself up about a bad choice you may have made.

    If there’s something you didn’t like about today, do better tomorrow.

    What are your life lessons?
    I’ve come up with a dozen or so, some I discovered in the last two years. What are some lessons you’d impart on your kids? Perhaps something you’d be willing to share here?

    Good luck from a fellow Dad,
    :: Joe Hage ::

    P.S. 7,000 kids in America die from sudden cardiac arrest each year. I donated an AED defibrillator to protect my kids at school. Consider doing the same for yours. Email me for details at joe@joehageonline.com. Thanks.

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    Why Are So Many Kids Halloween Costumes So Inappropriate?

    psychokiller8_10
    A while back, my kids and I attended my town’s annual Halloween parade and costume contest. I was the Cat in the Hat, my son was Sam I Am, and my twin girls were Thing 1 and Thing 2. Our costumes were painstakingly handmade, down to the Styrofoam green eggs and ham. Sure enough, we won a $50 savings bond that by my retirement could be worth as much as $53.75.

    But standing proudly onstage next to an 8-year-old boy squirting blood from his eyeballs and a 12-year-old bloody zombie bride, I thought, “Whatever happened to pirates and hobos?”

    My personal favorite Halloween outfit was a 1976 Superman costume — basically a shapeless plastic body apron and short vinyl cape. It had none of the super-sculpted muscles or soft cloth you see in every Superman costume now, even the ones for toddlers and pets. My costume also inexplicably came with a red Lone Ranger-style plastic mask. I wore it gamely, because what was a 1970s Halloween costume without some sharp piece of plastic cutting painfully into your skin?

    Just as puzzling: Many costumes for little children are based on movies the Motion Picture Association says “may be inappropriate for children under 13″ — Wiggles-free flicks such as The Dark Knight, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars III, Star Trek, Transformers, and two of the last three Harry Potter movies.

    If a costume of The Dark Knight’s homicidal maniac The Joker is too tame for your child, never fear! There’s a kids costume for Michael Myers, the sadistic serial killer of the R-rated Halloween movies.

    Putting an R rating on those movies is like putting a Surgeon General’s warning on heroin.
    leatherface8_10
    There’s also a Leatherface costume for kids based on The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Oh come on, you might say, isn’t Leatherface more or less Bob the Builder with an attitude?

    Other inappropriate costumes include:

    “Pinhead” from Hellraiser
    “Jason” from Friday the 13th
    “Freddy Krueger” from A Nightmare on Elm Street
    “The Joker” from The Dark Knight

    I have nothing against horror — in fact, I love it. In 1980, my mother, a devout fan of the genre, made one of the most dubious parenting decisions since Joan Crawford shared with her little girl a certain distaste for dry-cleaning hangers. She brought her two young children to see The Shining. My brother and I begged to see it, then screamed and hid our faces like kids trapped in a hell-bent roller coaster. Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy this was not.

    Scarred by that experience, I could have grown into the kind of kid other children hide their pets from, but I simply inherited my mother’s taste for good scares. I knew I was hooked when, as a movie usher in 1984, I was so mesmerized by the new Wes Craven film A Nightmare on Elm Street that I volunteered for ticket-ripping duty just to be close to the poster.

    When my son came home one day expressing enthusiasm for a series of spooky kid stories called Goosebumps, I was thrilled. “I really enjoy horror fiction,” he said in his “I’m smart, see?” voice. But this doesn’t mean I’m buying him the SAW V mangled victim costume anytime soon. He’s better off carving pumpkins with dull knives, gathering gobs of candy, and pulling Halloween inspiration more from R.L. and J.K. than from my coveted nightmares.

    That said, I am clearing room in my 2016 event calendar for some appropriate father-son fright night bonding if he’s game. The Grudge 8? The Peoria Witch Project? The Hills Have Ears, Too? Bring it on.

    ###

    The author of the acclaimed collection “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad”, Schwartzberg is an award-winning essayist and screenwriter. His work can also be read in the new anthology “The Good Men Project

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    Finding Daddy Time

    I’ve been traveling a lot. It’s not easy on my family, but they all know that the goal is good enough to support. Today, I had 20 minutes with my boy before jumping in the car to go to yet another event. Here’s what I did with the time:

    If you can’t see the video click here.

    Some day soon (less than 2 years), I’ll have my life back to where I can spend a lot more direct time with my kids. Right now, we’re still making time for each other, and staying connected and loving. You can do anything, if you work hard enough at it, and if the entire family aligns around the goals.

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    Traveling Dad Doesn’t Have Guilt

    running into mom's armsphoto credit: mahalie via flickr

    Hi, my name is Buck and I don’t have parent guilt.  I probably should start from the beginning.  I travel for my work rarely.  I have started going to conferences for blogging and social media.  I want to be a better blogger.  I have attended a couple locally.  I have traveled to a couple.  In fact, I am writing this and I leave for Las Vegas in a few hours for Blog World Expo.

    Moms Have It:

    Having gone to a couple of these, I hear from the moms that they feel guilty leaving their kids behind.  This baffles me.  Does that make me a bad parent or an uncaring father.  Nope!  I am not trying to be sexist or paint broad strokes but I think its a woman thing.  My wife feels guilt if we leave our child with a babysitter to go see a movie.

    Why I Don’t Feel It:

    I am a working dad.  I get up every morning and go to a desk job.  Until recently, I would leave there and go to a retail job.  I would work a different job on the weekend.  I didn’t see our child very often.  I got used to it.

    How I Deal With It:

    The “You’re Home” moment.  It doesn’t matter if I go to Florida for the weekend or if I go to the grocery store when I come through the door it happens.  The sound of little feet running across the hard wood floors.  The shriek of excitement.  “YOU’RE HOME!” and the biggest hug.  This is how I am greeted by my child.  I lean down, scoop her up, and tell her I love her and missed her.  That is how I deal with it.  That moment makes me want to leave and come back more often.

    That's my kid running to meet after a long trip

    That's my kid running to meet after a long trip

    Do you have guilt when you leave your child? Since I don’t does that make me a bad person?

    Buck blogs almost daily at BuckDaddyBlog.com where he blogs about being a dad, sprinkled with some product reviews and giveaways, with a whole lot humor and self deprecation.

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    The Scariest Part of Halloween: The Grown-Ups!

    110102_tricks_or_treatsHalloween is one of the greatest holidays. Like most holidays, it has its share of commercialism, but it doesn’t come with the obligations, guilt, and travel headaches of Christmas.

    Dressing up. Getting candy. Having fun. What more could a kid ask for?

    Unfortunately, a small segment of Adultitis-ridden do-gooders continue their assault on Halloween. It’s been said that misery loves company. That must be the reason why grown-ups suffering from full-blown cases of Adultitis are working so hard to ruin Halloween for kids.

    This post might make a few people angry, but I’m willing to take the slings and arrows. I’m doing this for the kids. So without further ado, here are three groups of adults who are ruing everything:

    The Holy Rollers.
    I am a Christian. I went to Catholic School. My faith is very important to me. But I’ve never seen Halloween as a gateway to turn to the dark side.

    Some folks associate Halloween with all things evil, treating it as an assault on all things holy. As much as I hate the over-commercialization of Christmas, I believe this is one instance where it has served us well. Sure, Halloween has some nefarious origins (and some pretty benign ones as well), but it really has become an amalgamation (what a fun word!) of many traditions. It is really more of a fantastical fairy tale, starring smiling pumpkins, dancing skeletons, and Frankenstien. A melting pot of a variety of sources and traditions, our modern Halloween has become its own unique and rich experience that offers a fun escape from the day-to-day.

    Some of these people encourage kids to dress up like their favorite saint for Halloween. I’m sorry, but I’ve always thought this was lame. And I like saints! (St. Lucy is a particularly good one.)

    Don’t get me wrong, if a kid really has a strong affinity for St. Maximilian Kolbe, let him go crazy with it. But let’s stop taking ourselves so seriously and start realizing that God isn’t going to send a kid to Hell for dressing up like a ballerina and ringing a few doorbells.

    The Health Nuts.
    Another group of people get cold sweats when they think of all the candy kids are consuming. Apparently, thanks to Halloween, kids instantly balloon into marshmallows and millions of teeth rot and fall out. Their solution is to hand out alternatives to candy. Things like sliced apples, toothbrushes, and even acorns — acorns!

    Here’s a hint to keep your house from getting egged by all the little “devil worshippers”: If you plan on giving out toothbrushes or acorns this Halloween, do all the kids of the world a favor and just keep your house dark instead.

    When I was a little shaver, my dad made us a snack every night. Usually it consisted of some combination of oranges, raisins, bananas, and yes, even sliced apples. But when Halloween rolled around, it was all about the sugar. We would binge on candy for a week and it was wonderful.

    It was wonderful because it only happened once a year. Childhood obesity is a big problem these days, but it’s not because of Halloween. It’s because too many parents can’t say no to their kids, are too busy to prepare much else but fast food, and appease their children with chocolate and sugar.

    If you can’t consume ten pounds of candy in one sitting with no ill effects when you’re a kid, when can you?

    Politically Correct Wimps.
    Then there are the folks who are scared of offending anyone and would rest easier if Halloween was cancelled. A couple of years ago, the Madison School District superintendent said that they don’t encourage schools to have costume parties. “Some cultures don’t look at dressing up in costumes the same way as others,” she said.

    When my wife was teaching kindergarten, she ran into this every October. There was a very small contingency that wanted to do away with Halloween altogether, for fear that someone, somewhere, would be offended.

    I don’t know about you, but every time I see a five-year-old dressed up like Spiderman with a bag full of Milk Duds and Milky Ways, my blood just boils.

    Why have we lost our perspective? Why have we become so over-sensitive about everything? These days, political correctness might just be a fancy way for an Adultitis-stricken grown-up to say, “I’m angry, miserable, and afraid, and I hate seeing other people happy.”

    My secret dream would be for Freddy Krueger to give them all wedgies in their sleep.

    In the eyes of children, Halloween is a national holiday. Dressing up like Princess Leia or Darth Vader and eating some Hershey bars is not going to hurt anyone. Grown-ups, please, get some perspective, get some help for your Adultitis, and quit ruining everything.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Tweet your kids #4

    In Tweet Your Kids, Tweet Your Kids #2 , and Tweet Your Kids #3, I wrote “Ever think ‘I should write that down’ when your child says something funny?”

    I use Twitter for that. Here’re some Tweet-worthy comments from my boys.

    Seven-year-old Zachary

    My Beautiful Zachary

    My Beautiful Zachary

    7yo Zachary tried “delivering newspapers” today, tossing a paper from his bike. Fell. Scraped. Said “I’m never going to be a newspaper boy.”

    “Every time I watch Tom & Jerry it makes me want to eat cheese.”

    Zach: “Dad, your esculum is showing!” Dad: Do you mean “epidermis”? Zach: “Oh. Right. Yes.”

    “Thank you God that I’m alive and that I came to this family.”

    Watching The Flintstones with Zach: “Did they really have cars like that back then?”

    7yo friend over, tattles: “Zachary hit Lucas!” Zachary: “It’s true. I’m going to my room now.”

    Dad: “Lucas, what’s that on your face?” Zachary: “Maybe it’s a disease!”

    Oh my. Zach just said, “Lucas! You don’t have to be so argumentative!” We’re in trouble.

    Zachary discovered Daddy’s Wharton Follies video + can’t stop saying “Cheerios Sucks” http://budurl.com/CheeriosSucks

    Five-year-old Lucas

    Lukey's big catch

    Lukey's big catch

    Involving my 5yo in problem solving. What should we do? “We should punish him if he doesn’t do it my way.”

    5yo Lucas: “Honey? Honey? Beth? Mom! Momma? Excuse me, Momma! Mom! Mom! Dad?

    Dad: You’re talking nonsense. 5yo Lucas: “No. Kindergartners do good talking stuff.”

    On my way to #Gnomedex. 5yo Lucas: “Don’t go, you big AnnoyingHead!”

    5yo Lucas: “I just want to be big. Big people get to drive cars. Little people just get to drive tractor stuff.”

    Great moments in Hage history. 5yo Lucas: “Daddy, I can spell my second name! H-A-G-E!”

    Zach hit Luke in the crotch with a ball. Lucas: “Zachary! You almost broke my penis!”

    5yo Lucas: “I don’t like getting punished and I hate it!”

    5yo Lucas: “I cleaned up. Can I have $20.” No. Why don’t u pay me $20 for making ur sandwiches? “I don’t have money. Get it from Mom.”

    5yo Lucas: “What did I look like when you and Momma buyed me?”

    5yo Lucas: “Daddy, how do doggies get maked?”

    5yo Lukey: “Daddy, did you know ‘gluteus maximus’ is another way to say a potty-talk word? It means butt.”

    5yo Lucas eating cookies: “Dad, can I have the three-ith one?”

    5yo Lucas under a blanket: “Daddy, I’m naked.” Dad: “Why?” Lucas: “Because I love myself naked.”

    Guest post from Luke’s friend’s mouth:
    Mother, “Mason, did you speak to God at church today?” 5yo Mason, “No, but at the end, the other people ate him.”

    Have some kid gems? Leave them in the comments!

    P.S. 7,000 kids in America die from sudden cardiac arrest each year. I donated an AED defibrillator to protect my kids at school. Consider doing the same for yours. Email me for details at joe@joehageonline.com. Thanks.

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    Meet Gwen Thompson: The $95 Homeless American Girl Doll

    American Girl Gwen Thompson

    One of the differentiators between the American Girl dolls and others has always been their stories.  The dolls, from Kaya the Native American to Rebecca Rubin, the Jewish immigrant, gives a depth of character to these dolls that separate these toys from the others in any toy aisle.

    Now, Mattel is tackling the issue of homelessness by selling a $95 doll named Gwen Thompson who finds that her father has walked out on her and her mom, forcing them to live in a car and a homeless shelter after losing their house.

    As with all of the American Girl stories, Gwen’s life story works out in the end.  She and her mom eventually move into an apartment and back to a more “normal” life.  But the story begs several questions:

    • Is it appropriate to try and sell a $95 doll that few, if any, homeless girls could could afford?
    • Should American Girl take the profits from the sales of these dolls and donate them to America’s homeless shelters or to charities that work to raise money for battered women?
    • Should they pull the doll and her story from the American Girl catalog all together?
    • Or does it help teach children valuable life lessons, teaching them compassion about those who might be less fortunate?

    Tell us what you think.

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    Shots and Superheroes

    111605_superjWe went to the doctor the other day for my daughter Lucy’s nine-month checkup. It included a smorgasbord of shots.

    And I got to hold her down.

    I was pretty nervous on the ride there, and I wasn’t even the one getting the shots. As we were driving, I told Kim that I would rather receive the shots myself than have to see Lucy get them.

    “Spoken like a true Dad,” said my wife.

    I’m not sure what suddenly made me a glutton for punishment, but I didn’t say that to come across like some macho dude. I really meant it. Which surprises even me.

    You see, I’m not one of those manly men, with hair on his knuckles and steel hands that can pulverize granite. Nor could I be considered a metrosexual because I have the fashion sense of a twelve-year-old. I like to think of myself as a normal guy — whatever that means these days — but I am not a big fan of pain. Manual labor gives me the heebie-jebbies. I sometimes curse like a sailor when I’m in below zero temperatures. And I am likely to faint if I’m in a discussion that spends more than thirty seconds talking about anything internal: spine alignments, organ transplants, brain surgery…woah….I just got a little woozy.

    Even though I have a history of going out of my way to avoid just about anything uncomfortable, I’d literally jump in front of a moving train to save Lucy. Without batting an eye.

    They say Fatherhood changes a man. I’m not sure if it changes you or reveals a side that you never knew was there.

    Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always dreamed of being like Superman. I admired his courage and bravery and selflessness in protecting the citizens of the world. After having revealed some of my shortcomings, you can see why I’d concede that becoming more like Jimmy Olsen is probably a more realistic goal.

    Somehow, having Lucy has caused me to see that maybe I’ve been selling myself short. Somehow, Fatherhood enabled me to find courage I didn’t even know was there. It’s kind of neat to think that Dads get to play the role of Superman, if only to the little citizens that live in their house.

    Huh.

    I wonder if this Fatherhood thing changes anything about how good I’d look in spandex and a cape.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Dolly Parton the BOOK LADY!

    When most people think of Dolly Parton they think of her flash Country persona, her anatomy (sorry, but it’s true), her starring in Nine to Five (if you’re as old as me) or her Islands In The Stream song with Kenny Rogers (ah ah!). In Nashville, TN. we often associate Dolly with her Disney-esque theme park, Dollywood.

    Around my house we know Dolly for her as the Book Lady. Each month my two kids (both under five) receive a free book from Dolly! The books are always excellent and age appropriate. It’s always a pleasant surprise when the books arrive from Dolly’s Imagination Library.

    Take a glance at this:

    In 1996, Dolly Parton launched an exciting new effort to benefit the children of her home county in east Tennessee. Dolly wanted to foster a love of reading among her county’s preschool children and their families. She wanted children to be excited about books and to feel the magic that books can create. Moreover, she could insure that every child would have books, regardless of their family’s income.

    So she decided to mail a brand new, age appropriate book each month to every child under 5 in Sevier County. With the arrival of every child’s first book, the classic The Little Engine That Could ™, every child could now experience the joy of finding their very own book in their mail box. These moments continue each month until the child turns 5—and in their very last month in the program they receive Look Out Kindergarten Here I Come.

    Needless to say the experience has been a smashing success. So much so that many other communities clamored to provide the Imagination Library to their children. Dolly thought long and hard about it and decided her Foundation should develop a way for other communities to participate. The Foundation asked a blue ribbon panel of experts to select just the right books and secured Penguin Group USA to be the exclusive publisher for the Imagination Library. Moreover a database was built to keep track of the information.

    What’s great is that this program is now spreading to different states, provinces and countries. You can find out how to get free books for your community’s little ones here: http://www.dollysimaginationlibrary.com. How cool is this program?

    Now whenever the new books arrive both of my kids scream THANK YOU DOLLY PARTON!

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    Matriarchs, Patriarchs, And The Grandest Of All Parents…

    grandparent's dayFrom everything I have seen and heard, being a grandparent is a special thrill.  I am not there yet myself, but as my own kids grow into adulthood I know that eventually “Grandparent” will be another line item on my life resume.  While I cannot address what it is to be a Grandparent, I can address what it is to have Grandparents and how much fun it has been to provide the necessary offspring to enable my own parents to become Grandparents.  By the way, if you haven’t heard, Sunday was National Grandparents Day!

    Grandma and Papa, Opa and Oma

    I always enjoy hearing the interesting names people have for their Grandparents.  There seems to be many more permutations of the names and nicknames for our parent’s parents than there are for good old “Mom and Dad.”  In my case I had the more traditional “Grandma and Papa” on my mother’s side, and, thanks to their very prevalent German culture, “Oma and Opa” on my Father’s side.  In the case of my own kids, they simply have used “Grandma and Grandpa Sass” vs. “Grandma and Grandpa Genco” to distinguish between their own Grandparents.  What names do you and your kids use?

    All In The Family…

    I was very fortunate in that I grew up in Queens, NY in an apartment that was three blocks away from both sets of my Grandparents (one in each direction).  As soon as I was old enough I could easily walk or ride my bike over for an after school visit, and Oma and Opa lived literally next door to my Junior High School and the primary neighborhood playground, providing an easy escape for a snack or to clean up a scraped knee.  One of my true regrets of my own adventures in parenting is that my kids have not had the experience of growing up in such close proximity and with such constant interaction with their Grandparents.

    Influence of the Ages…

    Perhaps because of their physical closeness, my Grandparents were a tremendous influence on me, and while I of course have been shaped in many ways by my Mom and Dad, I can also very clearly see the impact of my grandparents in myself, and I fondly and proudly acknowledge the wisdom and examples they set for me throughout my childhood.  While they have been gone for a long time now, I still think of them a lot, and I find myself referring to them often in the life stories that have become a regular part of my repetoire, sharing memories of my Grandparents and their lessons as often as I can, especially with my kids, who did not know them all, and were very young when they did.

    Thanks For The Memories… And Then Some…

    I could write many separate stories about each of my Grandparents (and perhaps sometime I will) as each was a true individual, and very special in their own way.  Papa, the former soldier whose strong physical presence always made me think of Popeye…  Opa, who was never in great health, yet worked hard and smart to rise within the ranks of a single employer over more than 40 years (unimaginable in today’s world) and who, despite his seemingly quiet nature, was an ingenious prankster…  Grandma, who lovingly never lost her aura of being a “Southern Belle” and a truly sweet person…  Oma, who lost so much to the Holocaust and yet her strength and determination clearly positioned her as the Sass Family Matriarch…  I loved them all very much, still do, and salute them here on behalf of National Grandparents Day.

    Life Is Grand(parents)!

    I hope you too will take a moment to honor your Grandparents, and your kid’s Grandparents, and yourself if you are a Grandparent.  Family heritage is a one of our greatest treasures, and like many treasures we often leave it buried.  I know I want to do more to explore my own, and share it with my kids, and remembering my Grandparents is a great start.  In the next few days I am planning to visit with my parents and interview them about our family history on video as part of the Sony DigiDads Project.  This is something I have often thought about doing but never got around to it, so I am grateful to Dad-O-Matic and Sony for the inspiration.

    What did Grandparents Day mean to you?

    Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

    Photo Credit: © vospalej – Fotolia.com

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    National GrandParents Day!

    Sunday was National GrandParents Day. It was started in 1978 so this little known holiday has been around for over 30 years. Even though we’re called Dad-O-Matic and focus primarily on dad stuff but we all understand and appreciate the priceless contributions that grandparents make to our families. We also know that, God willing, we parents might become grandparents someday in the future. We look forward to being important pieces in our grandchildren’s lives in that idealized future. So, let’s all reach out to our parents and their parents or any grandparent for that matter and tell them how much we appreciate them.
    michigan-thumb-vacation-819840-l

    image credit DailyInvention
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    Explaining 9/11 to my son

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    "The Sphere" in Battery Park

    I have never written about my experiences on September 11th.  At the time I was working for the Federal Emergency Management Agency in the Urban Search and Rescue Division.   That morning we were watching the events unfold in New York City when we heard the Pentagon was attacked.  We could see the thick acrid smoke hanging over the Washington, DC skyline.  I lost several colleagues in the collapse of the World Trade Center and had some friends survive.  I worked for a few weeks in New York helping with the recovery on an Incident Support Team.

    Earlier this year I took my son to my office in lower Manhattan.  I had to pick up some things for work.  We walked around Battery Park, took pictures of the Statue of Liberty, and enjoyed one of New York’s great parks.

    My son spotted a statue and wanted to learn more about it.  He walked up to the statue, The Sphere, and started asking why it was broken.  I told him the statue used to be at the World Trade Center.  He was insistent as only a four year old can be, “… but why is it BROKEN?”  With that I was faced with the dilemma of how to explain 9/11 to my son.

    I told him the statue was between two buildings that fell down.  I told him some people didn’t like us  and made the buildings fall down and Daddy had to go help.  Then he focused on the eternal flame adjacent to the statue.  “What is that fire for,” he asked.  I told him the fire was there so we never forget the people that were there.  I didn’t tell him that thousands of people died.  I wanted to focus on how we remember.  I didn’t tell him airplanes crashed into the building, I just said they fell down.

    I hope I have shielded him from some of the raw tragedy of September 11th.  There is plenty of time for him to learn more about the event in the future.  For now, he knows something bad happened and our focus is on remembering the people.

    Did you survive the attacks?  How do you explain it to your kids?

    Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by Michael McDonough

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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    President Obama’s speech to our children … so what’s the controversy all about?

    I just read President Obama’s entire speech to my seven-year-old and asked him what it meant.

    He said, “It’s more than just the same old day and the same old homework. You can put effort into your stuff, like the three children [he gave as examples]. People who try always make it. And, wash your hands.”

    Some excerpts from the nation-dividing speech:

    “We can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed. And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.”

    Obama prepared school remarks
    “We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.”

    “Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right. But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.”
    Now, what’s the controversy exactly?

    :: Joe Hage ::

    Other posts from Joe Hage:

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1 + Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #2

    Tweet Your Kids + Tweet Your Kids #2 + Tweet Your Kids #3

    Emploment Opprotunities

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    My Little Girl Builds Rockets…

    IMG00404I’ve always held onto my boyhood dreams of rocket jet packs and flying cars.  I read the old pulp magazines when I could, devoured paperbacks and hardcovers that spoke of journeys to the stars and little green men from mars.  I loved the feeling I got when I read the tales that brought dreams and wonder, and it led me to a lifetime of telling my own stories, writing my own books, and sharing my dreams with others.

    I’ve always hoped I could share it all with my kids, but life is a crap shoot, particularly in the area of our childrens’ futures.   They will grow and live, learn and love as they are meant to.  If we are lucky, we find some common ground.  My daughter Katie seems to share my love of adventure.  The other day she built a rocket.  It really LOOKS like a rocket, and it has eyes.  I told her one day I’d introduce her to a computer named Hal, and to Mr. Data…

    Someday, maybe she’ll read this very short story I wrote that encapsulates it all:

    Eyeroll : Emoticon Fiction #21

    Maybe she’ll let me ride in her rocket.

    –DNW

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    What Blogging Can Teach Us About Parenthood

    Being a parent is no easy trick. There’s no guidebook or instruction manual (okay, there are plenty on sale, but you can bet none are specific to your own experiences!) and every day is a new adventure.

    It’s a long-term gig as well, often with no reward and a lot of pain and heartache along the way. But the end result is always worth it. You know what else parenting is like? Blogging.

    Scary and New

    The moment we become a parent, it’s a whole new ballgame. Sure, we oohed and aahed at our friends and their kids, and we might even have babysat for them. But we always had the option of handing back at the end of the night. Not so with our own little bundles of fun. It’s a new experience, and it’s downright scary. We’re not quite sure what to do and how to do it.

    Starting a blog is pretty similar. We’ve seen everyone else do it, and enjoy it. We’ve seen that it looks like something we can do too – heck, if that blogger can write, so can I. Of course, once we jump in we realize just how scary and new it is! What should we write? How often should we publish? Where do I look for help? Not too dissimilar to wondering what to do as a new parent.

    Using the Right Products

    Our kids are picky. It may not be their “fault” – no-one chooses which foods they’re allergic to, or which detergent our skin reacts to, so we can’t always lay that at our kids’ feet. But often, they’ll holler loudly enough that something has to be just so to make them smile.

    Blogging’s just the same. Sure, you can keep your basic blog design or look, but there are a ton of tools that can help you make it a happier place. Plug-ins, theme designs, social bookmarking tools and more – they’re all there for you to use. If your blog could pull a tantrum, it probably would until you give it some nice extra toys to play with. So make it smile instead.

    Long Hours, Scant Reward

    We know that when we become parents, we sign on for a long contract. It’s not a part-time gig that we can look at in six months and see how it’s working out. Once that little face opens his or her eyes to the world, that’s it – we’re cornered. Then the long hours begin – wondering if the baby monitor’s working, nurturing through illness, helping with homework. And that’s just the good stuff! Then there’s the “I hate you!’ teens and eventually leaving home. It can feel we offer all our love for little reward. Of course, we know that’s not true, but at times…

    Same goes for your blog. You can put hours crafting what you think’s the perfect post, make it all pretty with pictures and formatting, have great content, hit publish – and no-one reads it. No-one leaves feedback. You wonder why you put so much effort in when there often seems to be little in recompense, wither financially or emotionally.

    But here’s the thing – it’s all about love. We love our children; we’ll do anything to make their lives as happy as they can possibly be. We’ll go to crummy kids movies, play dress up, eat mud pies and a whole lot more – because we love our children. Bloggers know this feeling about their blogs as well – it’s unconditional. Yes, some can be just to make you money while others are pet personal projects – either way, they need love and passion to work.

    Who knows – maybe blogging can show us a little bit of what we’ll need for parenting? Without the dirty diapers, of course…

    photo credit: dedrawolff

    Danny Brown is a business branding and emerging media consultant, and the father to a beautiful little girl. He is also the founder of the 12for12k Challenge, a social media-led charity initiative. Say hello to him on Twitter.

    Amplify

    Winners of the “I’m a Bus” Give-away

    ImYourBus_Cover-273x300

    The winners of the “I’m a Bus” give-away that was announced in the Buck Daddy book review on 8/10/2009 are as follows:

    Susan Mayer
    Debbie Howell
    Christina Smith
    Heather Gude

    Susan Mayer is the grand prize winner of a Back to School kit and the picture book
    The other three winners will receive a copy of the picture book

    Thank you to everyone who entered. We had a tremendous response.

    Amplify

    Let Them Be Little

    As parents, one of our jobs is to prepare our children for the future so we do our best to teach them how to be self-reliant and independent. Unfortunately, we sometimes get so focused on that one particular mission so much that we tend to lose sight of the fact that they are just kids. We have to remind ourselves that they are ever evolving tiny tykes that need to be silly and immature and yes even mischievous.

    Bill Dean’s “Let Them Be Little” captures this sentiment so well. He sings about the importance of not rushing things and letting our beloved little cherubs be little because all too soon they will be all grown up and gone. We must savor and relish every moment we can, no matter how crazy and hectic things get. We need to not only let them be little but allow ourselves to do the same every once in a while and remember the sheer joy of youth and join them in their state of bliss.

    Let Them Be Little

    I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
    You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
    How it amazes me you’re changin’ with every blink.
    Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

    So let them be little,
    ‘Cause they’re only that way for a while.
    Give ‘em hope, give them praise,
    Give them love every day.
    Let ‘em cry, let ‘em giggle,
    Let ‘em sleep in the middle,
    Oh, but let them be little.

    I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
    I live for those kisses, your prayers an’ your wishes.
    An’ now you’re teachin’ me how only a child can see.
    Tonight, while we’re on our knees, all I ask is:

    Please, let them be little,
    ‘Cause they’re only that way for a while.
    Give them hope, give them praise,
    Give them love every day.
    Let ‘em cry, let ‘em giggle,
    Let ‘em sleep in the middle,
    Oh, but let them be little.

    The so innocent, precious soul:
    You turn around, an’ it’s time to let them go.

    So let them be little,
    ‘Cause they’re only that way for a while.
    Give them hope, give ‘em praise,
    Give them love every day.
    Let ‘em cry, let ‘em giggle,
    Let them sleep in the middle,
    Oh, but let them be little.

    Let them be little.

    Amplify

    How To Help the Tooth Fairy & Other Magic

    teethIt’s not that many times in life you get to share magic on the magnitude of visits from the Tooth Fairy.  This week, yesterday and today, as a matter of fact, we were doubly blessed.  Katie had two loose teeth, and her obsession began.

    First she wanted to know what to do.  When we told her to be patient, she wanted to know if one of us would pull the teeth out for her.  Knowing this to be not a great idea, we both made half-hearted attempts and, again, recommended that she be patient.  She, being five, was not.

    She managed to work the first tooth out last night, and she tucked it into her magic Tooth Fairy spot to await her “booty.”  Still, the second tooth was there, bothering her and wiggling.  When we came up to get ready for bed ourselves, it was wobbling like a Weeble in a strong breeze.  She messed with it so much that it bled, and only after rinsing with cold water and settling down did we manage to advise her, yet again, to be patient.

    When she was asleep, we had to wake my mom up and borrow a dollar, having forgotten to make sure we had cash on hand, and we made the magic, tucking it into the Tooth Fairy pillow quietly.

    Then the next morning came.  Up, teeth brushed, and the tooth was still there.  Then, in the middle of drinking her juice?  Not so much.  No tooth.  We aren’t sure even now if she actually swallowed it, or if it got lost in the kitchen, but we had a problem.  What would she leave for the tooth fairy?

    I told her this.   “Draw a picture of your smile.  Make sure the tooth that fell out is not in the picture, and then draw an arrow to show the hole.  The Tooth Fairy is magic, and wherever that tooth has ended up, she’ll be able to find it and get it.”

    Up in the magic pillow, that drawing now awaits the morning.  I’m sitting here, writing this and realizing that once again I failed to make sure I had a dollar.  Some magic takes practice.

    Amplify

    The Simplest Of Pleasures

    Violette at the Kennedy Greenway

    The other day, my wife took the kids to the New England Aquarium. Supposedly, they had fun. They told me about penguins pooping on the rocks, and about the sharks. Officially, the sharks never eat the other fish in the tank. (Here, the woman saying this wiggled her eyebrows.)

    But what my kids will remember from that day is their visit to the Rose Kennedy Greenway. You paid for it, so if you haven’t heard of it, it’s part of the Big Dig project. Thanks for your money. It turned a really ugly stretch of highway into a really ugly underground stretch of highway, and then deposited some delightful little parks right into the heart of Boston.

    The main attraction from a kid’s perspective is the water display. I’d call it a fountain, but that’s too passive. It’s one of those series of jets of water that do different things, and that kids (mostly) use for tactical soakings.

    My daughter played in this water for well over an hour. I recorded an interview. My wife and son got wet at different times (though my 3 year old wasn’t really into it once he got a face full at an inopportune moment).

    In the end, this is what they will remember. They will remember the moments of pure, unbridled fun. Learning is great. Experiences are great. But if you don’t look for pockets of pure fun, you’re missing the finer things, at least from a kid’s eye view.

    Agree?

    Amplify

    Good Girl Shaka

    shaka

    The Green Mountain Flyer, a creeper train that putts from St. Johnsbury Vermont into Newport, and back, once a week, was off in the distance about a mile or so.  I couldn’t see it yet, but it fired its whistle a few times and, although not really close, it was certainly headed our way.  A few minutes more, and it’d be on its way past.

    We sat on the edge of the field, Brooke and me and the girls, alongside our dog Shaka.  Shaka sat on a blanket in the sun with heavy, sparkless eyes.  She had been diagnosed with a long-sounding disease that wasn’t going anywhere and the pain meds to make her moderately more comfortable were darkening the bit of light she had left.  So she sat there in the sun while we touched her and did what we could to say things we thought might make her feel better.  You’re a good girl Shaka.  You’re a good girl.

    The relationship I had with my first dog didn’t come easy.  At times I was too permissive and other times I was overly aggressive with reprimanding her. Louder than I should have been when she did wrong, and much too quiet when she did right.  And she mostly did right.

    Still, sitting in the sun with my two daughters, my wife and my dog, I felt sad. My 2 year old wasn’t conscious, really, of what was happening but my 8 year old was.  She alternated crying with soft strokes to Shaka’s back.  Good girl Shaka.  ‘Saying her name makes me feel better Dad’, Dehlia said.  Dehlia and her sister were headed up to spend time with relatives while my wife and I got down to the business of putting things in motion with the Vet.  My father in law Brendan showed up just about the time we could actually see the Flyer off in the distance.  Still moving slow, still headed our way.

    I asked Dehlia to say goodbye to Shaka and give her a hug and she did.  She walked away holding her sister and Mother’s hand then disappeared behind the barn.  Shaka turned her head and tried to stand and follow them but she was too weak and sat back down in a groan.  Good girl Shaka.  Good girl.

    My wife came back after seeing the girls off.  ‘I’m not sure I can do this Steven.’ She said, knowing she could.  Our Vet, a wonderfully empathetic woman, assured us that it was the right thing to do and that, “Deciding what’s best for your pet at the end of its life is the most difficult and important part of owning them.”  This isn’t a sentence I expect to forget soon.

    So we laid there on Shaka’s favorite blanket in the sun.  Brooke and I would take turns lying next to her telling her things we thought specific to our own relationship with her.  “Remember that time I tried to teach you to swim”? I said, “You would have done much better if I stayed with it, that’s my fault Shaka, I’m sorry I gave up so soon.” I said.  “Remember laying in the sand traps back on the golf course.  You loved that didn’t you?”  Good girl Shaka.  Yes, you’re a good girl.
    Brooke was sobbing when they came with the needle.  A lethal dose of barbiturates that would put our dog to sleep before the chamber was empty.  The train was almost on us now and the allegory, however maudlin, wasn’t lost on me.  Its whistle fired again and kept rolling.  Our Vet administered the shot.  You were always a good girl Shaka, always a good girl.  We held her close even after she left.  She was warm and smelled like our dog and I started missing her immediately.

    Steve is the father of two daughters, one wife and works at a ski resort in northern Vermont.  You can follow him on Twitter @stevejpr or, if you’re looking for friends, he’s pretty indiscriminate on Facebook

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    Listen To Your Kids

    Before I publicly announced on my website that I had attempted suicide at the age of ten, very few people had any idea.Note

    Of the people who I told, some met my admission with disbelief, a couple with anger and skepticism and there were one or two who refused to hear me. Granted, they didn’t put their fingers in their ears and sing, “la, la, la, la, la” or anything but nonetheless, it was obvious that they were not capable of getting that a ten year old child could be so miserable as to eat a bottle of aspirin and hope for death.

    Now that I am a mom, I look back at myself at ten and wonder why didn’t anyone notice? Why didn’t anyone step in and realize that things were not “right” with me and that I needed help?

    The answer is that I was very good at playing healthy. I was good at playing happy. I was good at doing what needed to get done so that no one would know just how unhappy I was.

    As a mother, it sickens me to think that in a few short years, my daughter will be the age that I was when I first tried to die. I hope against hope that she will not experience some of the things I experienced but there are always things lurking out there to bring our kids down – things we might have no clue about but they are real nonetheless.

    One of my biggest suggestions is to consider your kid’s family history.

    Does it contain a family member who committed suicide? Is there an aunt who is known as the “crazy aunt” and you really mean it when you call her crazy? There’s a strong hereditary link when it comes to mental illness and many mental illnesses seem to manifest themselves in the early teen years [though they can manifest at any age].

    One of the most important things to remember is that not every child exhibits the “classic signs” of suicidal thought/planning; I am the perfect example of this.

    Not every child is going to write a suicide note and if they do and don’t go through with it then chances are good that you will never know. As sick as this may sound, for some people, writing that note is a cathartic process that can actually show them exactly what they have to live for.

    For others, the note is a VERY bright, red flag.

    If you ever find a suicide note or you find something that comes close to even sounding like a suicide note then you need to take immediate action. And by action, I do not mean grounding your kid or demanding that they explain the note. I mean that you make an emergency appointment with a good counselor or psychologist and you do not give in no matter what your child says.

    Has your son or daughter been acting “off”? Have they been saying that the world would be better without them or that they are too much trouble?

    While I’ve never met a child who does not experience a bit of angst – heck, my almost three year old seems to be named angst…how is THAT for a name – recurring “angst” of this sort is what is know as indirect threats and they might be your only sign that something is seriously wrong.

    Talk to your kid.

    REALLY talk to them with no outside distractions and try and get to the bottom of what is going on. If you do not feel like you can do that, do not be afraid to enlist the help of a professional. That is what they are there for. That is their job. They have been there and done that and they can be a world of help.

    Look for marked behavior changes.

    Has your bright and cheery twelve year old suddenly become this child who you do not recognize? Is he/she doing things that you never would have dreamed that they would do like drinking, smoking or skipping school? While that kind of behavior can sometimes be a “teenager thing”, YOU know your child. YOU know what is normal and what is not.

    Trust your gut.

    One of the most important things to remember is that a kid who is seriously considering suicide is most likely not going to broadcast it. I have never heard of a person saying, “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow. Someone stop me.”. If they mean to die, they are secretive and this is when knowing your child’s friends and habits becomes SO important.

    I am not asking you to be your child’s friends’ friend. I am asking you to know who those friends are. To know their phone numbers [or at least their parents' numbers] and to let those friends see how much you care about your child. If something is going on with your kid, their friends will probably be the first to know.

    In the end, you can not save your children from themselves.

    I have said already that I am a parent [twice over] and it pains me to write that you ultimately can not stop a determined person from taking their life. BUT, you can intervene if you catch it early and get your child treated.

    One of the biggest hurdles for a lot of people is the stigma of seeing a counselor or psychologist.

    My way of thinking is that if it helps then who cares what someone might say?

    I have been that child, crying out for help when no one had the time or desire to listen. I have been that child who wrote numerous notes and made long lists of plans. I have been that child who needed help and I would have given anything to have had someone who would listen to me.

    Listen to your kids because they want you to listen to them.

    Image|Paul Watson

    Amy Tucker writes at Taste Like Crazy as well as at EveryJoe.com and can usually be found on Twitter @TasteLikeCrazy.

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    First Day of Kindergarten. Hard on Dad & Mom Too

    kbackpackI expected all sorts of problems when the day arrived to let go of Katie’s hand and send her off to kindergarten.  Today was the fateful day, and — of course — it was easier and harder than expected, as most important parenting moments are.

    Last night we attended the school orientation.  Katie met her teacher, and got a glimpse of the other 18 or so students.  There was a scare when we were told some kindergarten students would need another shot, but when that moment arrived, there was no apple sticker on her desk, so she dodged that bullet and returned to smiling.   She has not, in fact, stopped smiling as her chance to go to school like her older brother and sister began to draw near.  She has no fear of school, only expectations and a great attitude.  I hope she can hold on to it, because if she can, she’s going to go far.

    Now everything has changed.  She’s not just out little girl now.  She will soon make friends, have work and worries and dreams of her own.  She’ll grow with her surroundings and make choices we won’t help her with.  The bottom line of this is that it proved much harder for us to let go of her than for her to let go of us.  She soared into her first day with huge smiles, bright eyes, and a quick hug for mom and dad.

    We’ll have to rearrange our lives now to accommodate hers, which is as it should be, but the changes are “mighty.”  Mom will be home alone for the first time in five years with no one to ask for snacks, and Noggin will no longer rule the television.  There will be a huge burst of KIDS around 3:10 in the car, followed by homework and a long babble about the day.  We will all share in the magic as she starts to learn.  Soon she’ll be reading goodnight stories to me.

    What a wonderful day.

    Amplify

    The Shirt Off Your Back..

    hanesLogoWe want the shirt off your back, well actually we want the story about the shirt on your back. In particular we want the story of your favorite t-shirt, sweatshirt, hoodie…

    Were you wearing it when your first child was born? Is it an old college favorite that your partner has adopted as sleepwear ? Is it from that one gig that you will never forget?

    Tell us your story and the story of your shirt. Readers will vote on the best story and, thanks to our friends at Hanes we will give the winner a $100 Hanes giftcard so they can buy some new shirts.

    While you are thinking about which shirt story you want to share, take a look at Hanes new Social Mix website at www.socialmixhub.com and pick out the items you’ll pick up with your gift card.

    Rules: Submit your Shirt story before Friday 4th September. Make it original, make it real and most importantly make it about you. Voting will take place via the website, votes will be cast by readers. Dad-O-Matic editors will make the final judgment.

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    A Father's Desperate Search for His Son

    Liam smiling
    I spoke to Chris Cuomo from ABC’s Good Morning America recently on behalf of Dad-O-matic. We talked about the Liam McCarty case. He’s the boy that was illegally taken by his mother to Italy, where he is supposedly living in an orphanage as a ward of the state, after his mother, Manuela Antonelli, was ruled unfit to maintain custody. Michael McCarty, 49, the father, has been trying to reunite with his son ever since he was taken but has been unsuccessful….And example of a growing trend of parental alienation cases.

    Dad-O-matic
    “Chris, what is the latest on this case?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “Liam’s whereabouts are somewhat of a mystery. He is supposedly living in an orphanage, but word is he is spending time with his maternal grandparents, even though his mother filed complaints against them…this is one slice of a very confounding tale.

    Dad-O-matic
    “Where is the father now? Is he there in Italy?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “No. And here is another slice. The father had been told to wait until the most recent evaluation of the child’s situation was complete. He says he was told it would take “a few weeks”, but it has been months. Also, he’s got a business here in the states, so he can’t afford to stop everything to go wait over there for who knows how long they’ll keep him waiting.”

    Dad-O-matic
    “How long has this been going on?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “Another slice…over 5 years. The mother and father have been at odds since Liam was only a few months old. Liam was shuttled back and forth between Italy and the U.S. The father has not seen his son since April, and the boy has been in Italy ever since the father was awarded custody in the U.S. in 2008. Liam is over 8 now

    Dad-O-matic
    “What is the primary reasons given by the Italian officials for keeping Liam separated from his father?”

    Chris Cuomo
    Our reporting is ongoing, and the Italian authorities are tight-lipped because there is ongoing litigation. Basically Italian authorities initially awarded the mother custody without much knowledge of the situation, according to the father. The officials ignored the U.S. legal custody determination on the son (Liam was born in italy but is a U.S. citizen because his father is, and he lived here over half his life). The mother made allegations of sexual abuse of the boy against the father in the us and in Italy. The U.S. had more than one agency review and found nothing. In fact, the false allegations played a role in the determination that the mother was unfit here in the us. The Italian officials also ignored all the documentation of the us review of the allegations and insisted on their own review. They, too, found no basis and the review once again contributed to a finding that the mother was unfit. Parental alienation is a developing phenomenon in the U.S. It is used as a bomb in custody situations. It started the father on the wrong path in Italy.

    All this said, Liam is estranged from his father and is very hostile toward him. The father says this is from numerous interviews with doctors about abuse and brainwashing by his mother and her family. Whatever the reason, Liam has expressed a desire not to see his father.

    Dad-O-matic
    “So the father hasn’t been cleared or convicted of anything yet?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “That is also kind of unclear. All the reviews done in the us and in Italy have accused the father of no abuse, and there is even a finding from some level of the Italian court system awarding custody to the father…and yet he is still isolated from the son

    Dad-O-matic
    “So what else can the father do?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “He has no other choice but to wait now. Liam’s fate rests in the hands of the Italian judicial system now. He has appeared on many news casts and done a bunch of interviews. There’s even a website called “http://saveLiam.Org

    Dad-O-matic
    “What can we do about this?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “Let me be clear about this. I am not Liam’s advocate here. I merely want to find some answers, and as a parent, and frankly, as an attorney, I am motivated by the apparent inequities here…not to mention the absolute damage this poor kid has suffered. Things just aren’t adding up here. I think it’s sad that this boy has spent so much time away from both parents in a foreign country’s orphanage. We just need answers. And Liam needs to get placed with people who love him and some normalcy.

    Dad-O-matic
    “Can social media and social networks help?”

    Chris Cuomo
    “Yes, when you look at David Goldman, the father who is fighting for his son Sean, who was secreted by his now deceased mother to Brazil, and at Mike McCarty in this instance, and many other parents in similar situations around the world…we need to find out what good the Hague convention is and the respect of countries for it (one of the provisions demands return of a child within 6 weeks, when a host country makes a showing of wrongful removal)… perhaps if enough of us ask the right questions, then maybe we’ll get someone’s attention and finally get some answers that make some sense. The sad thing is that this happens a lot. There are over a thousand cases worldwide. This very well could happen to any one of us.
    I think this would be a worthy cause to mobilize the troops online. Just like the people of Iran used twitter to spread the word to the world, maybe we can do the same here”

    Here are some useful Resources that will keep you informed of the latest updates regarding Liam McCarty.

    On twitter, use the hashtag #SaveLiam

    Twitter’s search engine for everything about Liam

    Official SaveLiam website that tracks everything regarding Liam’s case

    FBI most wanted list for Liam’s mother

    Interpol entry regarding Liam’s kidnapping

    David Goldman’s Bring Sean Home website:  http://BringSeanHome.org

    Here’s a video about Liam

    Amplify

    Adultitis: Are Kids the Cause or the Cure? (PodCast)

    [podcast]http://www.kimandjason.dreamhosters.com/clubkj_stuff/audio_articles/Adultitis_Are_Kids_the_Cause_or_the_Cure.mp3[/podcast]
    121806_videoAdultitis is a chronic condition that plunders laughter, burns people out, and turns them into zombie-like doo-doo heads. It causes stress — lots of it. Sometimes it seems like stress and parenthood go hand in hand.

    When my wife and I were expecting our first child, I was amazed at how many people came out of the woodwork to give us their advice and impressions on parenthood. Because I travel the country speaking to audiences about life balance and how to cure themselves from Adultitis, I opened myself up to many diverse points of view. More amazing than the sheer amount of opinion we received was the degree to which it varied.

    After hearing our program, scores of people informed us that kids were the undisputed cause of Adultitis.

    I remember the cab driver who told us that kids are not worth the investment because they grow up to hate you and won’t take care of you when you get old. Considering this little gem came after he admitted he spent most of his time gambling and pretty much drank himself to sleep every night, I took his opinion with a grain of salt.

    Other people offered the ever common, “Get as much sleep as you can!” or “Enjoy your last days of freedom!” or the always uplifting, “Your life is over.”

    Add to that mix the number of stern warnings about how certain foods or disciplinary techniques or sleeping schedules or brand of diapers can irreparably jack up your kid for life, and Kim and I were terribly concerned that this foray into parenthood was a colossal mistake.

    But then I remembered an interview I’d heard with Eddie Vedder, lead singer of Pearl Jam, who said having his little girl made everything he did before her seem like a waste of time.

    And after my talks, another type of people couldn’t wait to express their more optimistic take on parenthood. They shared things like, “You’re going to love it!” or “Becoming a parent was the greatest thing that ever happened to me!” The happy gleam in their eye told me they were telling the truth.

    These folks actually believed that having kids was the cure to Adultitis.

    This strange dichotomy alerted us to the fact that something was up. How could perfectly normal-looking people (cab driver excluded) come up with such differing opinions on this subject? Who was right?

    The truth is, they both are. But the phenomenon of encountering such a varied spectrum of opinion led me to believe that Adultitis has nothing to do with the kids. Instead, the sentiments revealed said everything about the person sharing it.

    Certainly, parenthood is filled with all sorts of unappealing elements: stinky diapers, a smaller bank account, bigger worries, and yes, less sleep (among other things.) But you know what? Life without kids has its own share of headaches and inconveniences. Everybody deals with challenges, frustrations, and bad days. Every day, stupid stuff happens that’s out of our control. How we react to them is up to us.

    I decided before my daughter Lucy was even born that I was going to accept the bad sides of parenting as part of the job, but I wasn’t going to dwell on them. Instead, I’d focus on appreciating the little things, realizing that the whole process would go by in the blink of an eye. I vowed to take advantage of the opportunity to see life though the new eyes of my little girl, and maybe recapture some of the joy and curiosity that I might have lost on my own journey. I decided to remain in the present, enjoying each and every stage of her development, without getting caught up in the trap of thinking, “Life will be better when she can: sleep through the night / sit up on her own / feed herself / go to school / drive her own car to the mall.” That game leads to nothing but regret over missing out on the little moments along the way.

    I fully expected that having Lucy would be the beginning of a new and wonderfully exciting adventure. So far, I have been right.

    So, are kids the cause of or the cure to Adultitis?

    Turns out, the answer is entirely up to you.

    Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason

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    Your Special Child and Sports

    SPECIAL OLYMPICS RUN

    In the wake of Eunice Shriver’s death I thought I would share a recent debate that has been evolving within the Down syndrome support group my wife and I belong to.   The question is about inclusive sports for children with special needs.   Some people believe organizations like Special Olympics and Challenger Division Little League have reached their useful life. Here are my thoughts on the whole inclusion debate as they relate to sports.

    Sports

    Don’t be afraid to enroll your child in sports.  Our son, despite having atlantoaxial instability, is involved in soccer and swimming.  Both of his programs are geared for kids with special needs rather than typical teams.  Could we chose a typical program?  Sure we could.  Why do we chose the special program?  Because our son needs the special attention he gets from the staff and assistants.  The other determining factor is that our son still doesn’t have the endurance and attention span for a typical soccer program.  Does that mean he will never compete with his typical peers?  Absolutely not.

    Inclusive?

    Should you disregard athletic opportunities that are not inclusive?  That is a personal decision.  If your child is young it is one you will make for him.  As he grows it is a decision he may make for himself.  Consider these before enrolling in a fully inclusive sports program:

    • Your child’s age
    • Your child’s understanding of the particular sport
    • Your child’s endurance
    • Any health or medical issues

    If you decide to have your child participate in a fully inclusive sports program ask to meet the coaches before the activity begins.  Make sure the coach knows your child’s strengths and weaknesses.  Consider bringing your child to the meeting to meet the coach ahead of time.  Consider what accommodations may need to be made to ensure your child’s experience is successful without disrupting the other players.  See if any of the typical players already know your child.  Perhaps there is a classmate on the team.  Having a familiar face on the team may make it more comfortable for your child.

    Special Sports

    Don’t feel guilty if you decide to pursue special needs sports opportunities.  Our son enjoys a special soccer program in our town.  We appreciate the extra attention he receives.  The coaches and assistants are helping him become a successful soccer player.  We are also looking forward to the athletic challenges and lasting friendships he will make in Special Olympics.

    Is your special child involved in sports?  How do you approach the inclusion issue?

    Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by foreversouls

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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    600 Days Without Solid Sleep

    Steaming Cup of CoffeeOur youngest daughter turned 20 months old a couple days ago.  That’s right, parents of babies celebrate birthdays every month.  Not balloons, ponies and clowns celebrating, more  a self-congratulatory rejoicing that we dodged another month without a domestic accident or ingesting one of daddy’s golf balls.

    For most parents, this is a day marked by smiles, and maybe a tongue and cheek verse of “Happy Birthday.”  For my wife and I though, this day marked day 600 without uninterrupted sleep.  That’s right, for more than a year and a half our baby hasn’t slept all the way through the night.  Ever.  Well maybe like a dozen times, but that doesn’t sound as good.

    Right about now a lot of you parents are thinking, “Wimps!  Just let the kid cry.  In like 2 or 3 days the kid will be sleeping like a college freshman after quarter beer night.”  Wrong!  Wait, did I just hear a few guys run out to buy condoms?

    At this point, it’s not like she needs a bottle or anything.  We have tried everything.  We let her cry.  Believe me.  Want fun?  Try explaining to your 6 year old why it’s the middle of the night, her sister has been crying for an hour and you’re not doing anything about it.  By the way, it’s a scientific fact that when you have to let your six year old sleep in bed with you because the baby is keeping her up, the sound of the baby crying causes the sibling to sleep like a clock and donkey kick you in the head once every hour.

    We’ve done the night-light and the total darkness.  Music?  Done it.  White noise?  Check.   You know that thing you do when you have a dog and you bring one of the baby’s blankets home from the hospital to prepare the dog for the baby?  Well my wife tried putting one of her shirts in the crib.  What?

    At this point, we have a sort of system.  On an average night, the baby cries about 3 times.  This ensures we get our sleep in two to three hour spurts.  She usually stops after 5 minutes or so.  It’s another scientific fact that no matter how tired you are, 5 minutes is exactly the amount of crying required to wake you up from even the deepest sleep.  Of course after she is confident she has woken us, she goes back to sleep.  I keep telling my wife we can keep her quiet by just staying awake.  My wife doesn’t like this plan.

    All of that being said, my wife and I are two of the lucky parents.  Our daughter has a few dangerous food allergies, but she is a perfectly healthy and happy kid.  When she runs up to you yelling, “Huggie!” it’s better than a triple espresso.

    Has the lack of sleep put a strain on our patience, our businesses, our marriage?  Sure.  Of course it has.  I’m not perfect, I lose my temper easier than I would like, but I’m trying.  We’re getting through it.  We’ll be fine.  Our baby will grow into a kid and our kid will grow into a teenager.  As soon as she stops waking us up at night, we’ll start struggling to wake her up in the morning.

    We have it easy.  I’m one of those weird people that tries to keep things in perspective. We have it easy.  On the positive side, I used to suffer from insomnia.  Really.  I don’t now.  Hey, maybe I should change the title of this to, “Our miracle baby cured my insomnia!”

    Ian is the father of two young daughters  (6, and 20 months old).  He  has a podcast about starting a business while raising young children at Startup Daddy.

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    Up Close & Personal

    (cc) Douglas Cootey

    I like to think my girls are bright—even brilliant. They’re certainly more brilliant than I am, though that may not be the grand compliment I mean it to be. I’m lucky if I can remember to put my pants on before I go outside.

    I can’t say that they are perfect, nor are they all on the same level, but their development stands in stark contrast with my youngest daughter’s.

    We almost lost her when she was three days old. Then we almost lost her again a month later. Both times she was hospitalized; each time was harrowing. And there was a price to pay: Brain damage. Cerebral Palsy.

    Now she is a sweet, seven year old soul and such a delight in many ways. Her smile is one of those kinds you may have heard about that lights up rooms. Truly it does.

    But she struggles with things my older girls handled easily and she generally lags behind two years developmentally. We take heart that she continues to progress. Still, it can be frustrating. She can’t read entirely on her own. Writing is difficult for her, and math seems currently beyond her comprehension. Then there are the social graces…

    Take personal space, for instance. Today I found myself—after hearing another daughter shout “Too close! Too close!”—explaining that we can’t invade other people’s personal space. I taught her with silly examples, helping her laugh so that her fragile self-esteem wasn’t bruised in the lesson. I involved her sisters in the examples and repeated them a few times to drive the points home.

    I told her not to get within an arm’s length of somebody, to ease into their space only if she knew them, and to not put things in people’s faces. I explained how fast movements in people’s faces make them blink and flinch. Then I had to explain what “flinch” meant.

    I’ve taught her these points before, though the arm’s length visual aide was a new inspiration. With repetition she will learn and I have faith that she will one day grasp advanced concepts such as etiquette and manners.

    After the lesson, I marveled to myself how remarkably blessed my older daughters and I were to have brains that were able to intuitively learn social graces. Then I laughed.

    Me? Intuitively socially graceful? I’m the guy with the foot permanently parked in his mouth.

    I quickly realized that none of us grasp anything intuitively. We all have to be taught the basics in the beginning. The difference is that some of us are quicker to learn than others. Besides, I certainly wasn’t a social whiz at seven. Heck, I’m not even a social whiz at forty two. In addition, it is unfair to compare her to my other daughters. We each move at our own pace.

    Later, as she was going to bed, my daughter shook a new balloon excitedly in my wife’s face. I had to remind her again of respecting people’s personal space. Then I put personal space aside and gave her a hug.

    It’s OK. She’ll get it eventually.

    Douglas Cootey is a married, full time dad raising four girls in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah who has long ago overcome his aversion to the color Pink. Douglas blogs about overcoming AD/HD & Depression with humor & pluck over at the award winning A Splintered Mind. He also co-produces a podcast with his 17 year old daughter. The random thoughts of his addled mind can be found at DouglasCootey and SplinteredMind over on Twitter.

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    Those Lazy Hazy Days of Summer

    katiestephsmallLife in our little world is about to take major shifts. In only two weeks, Stephanie will be off to college, and Katie will be starting kindergarten. The family dynamic shifts, and every couple of years more kids will hop out of nests and disrupt it further.  There was only one answer.  We planned a day at the beach.

    To put this in perspective, we’ve lived here a long time.  We’re about an hour and a half from the beaches in Kitty Hawk, and have no excuse for never having visited.  This year, Katie got a plastic bag full of implements of destruction.  She got excited, and she got the beach.

    It was very hot, but we had plenty of room.  Not a crowded day, and though it was chilly, the water wasn’t too cold.  We slathered up with sunblock and settled in for one of the best days of the year.  Katie made sandcastles (with and without our help) – we all gathered a small bucket full of sea shells.  We body-surfed and played in the waves.  Other than my own lack of attention to detail with the sunblock, and that of my son, I can’t imagine a more perfect day.DSCF0864

    Sometimes you have to take time to make memories.  I’m informed by the young one that it was “the best day ever.”  She’s said it before, but only on days when she was very happy – days she’ll remember.  I hope Stephanie will remember it too.  We all had fun…and we’re going to miss her a lot when she goes off to school.

    These are the times that make it all worthwhile.  There are never enough of them.

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    Scooby-Doo – Spanning the Generation Gap

    CS1001RelpItstheGreenThis weekend I spent a good number of hours watching the original Scooby-Doo cartoons with my daughter.  Of all the shows that I loved as a kid, this is the one that has had the most universal appeal throughout my lifetime.  Our children range from five-year-old Katie to eighteen-year-old Stephanie, and all of them have loved, and still love, that big goofy mutt and his mystery solving crew.

    It amazes me even more that despite revisions, and the reworking of the series over the years, it is the original “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You” series that brings the biggest smiles.  There is something iconic in the very essence of that show that has withstood the ravages of time and the assault of multi-media branded action-adventure attacks from all sides.

    This fall there will be a new live-action movie showing how Shaggy and Scooby-Doo first met, and we’ll all gather around the TV to watch it, but I think – in the end – it’s greatest gift to us will be the endless marathons of the original series being used to market it.  There’s nothing like those meddling kids to bring the generations together.

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    Kindergarten Assessment – The First Test

    P1016645My daughter goes in today for her first official test.  She’s entering Kindergarten this fall, and very excited about it.  We’ve been going over colors and vocabulary, math and very basic spelling, and everyone was in great spirits right up until yesterday afternoon.

    We are a pretty informal family.  Katie is just…Katie.  Now things have changed, and all of a sudden she is being introduced to the world as Katie Wilson.  What we discovered was that we have never bothered to teach her to spell her last name.  The occasion to use that last name has never really materialized, and she has done so well on every other aspect of preparing for the test that it just slipped our minds.

    In the grand scheme of things, we all know this isn’t going to be a big setback.  In fact, Katie herself is quite calm about it.  Still, it’s that first moment where you think you have something completely nailed, and you realize things slip between the cracks.  It’s hard not to count it as the first slash mark on the board where parental failures during the school years are tallied.

    In any case, Katie, who is a trooper,  has been reciting the letters of her name over and over, and when I left this morning she was industriously copying her full name on a piece of typing paper in eerily legible script for a five year old.  I suppose I won’t panic, but I doubt I’ll be able to prevent myself from buying her a congratulatory present.

    From here on out, her life will be all about tests, particularly for the next couple of decades.  Look out Kindergarten, and world.  Katie Wilson has arrived…

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    The New Vacation – Media Making in 2009

    Wanted PiratesI’m here at the cabin, looking out the window at the last embers of a fire and listening to my daughter and her camp friend, Miranda, finish up swimming for the night. My little guy is playing with his tiny DVD player in the bedroom because he wasn’t really up for swimming in the dark. It’s bliss done modern-style for me.

    When I get home, I’ll have a few fun mementos for the trip. The thing is: they are mostly digital, and I think that’s cool. Here’s what I did for this trip:

    The Dad’s Eye View Project

    Before taking off for vacation, I set up a Posterous account and configured it to accept posts from my iPhone. The new Voice Messages app made it really easy to record a 1 minute podcast and then sent it to Posterous. That worked well.

    I used my Nikon D60 to shoot my “pro” photos, but also did lots of “in the moment” photos with my iPhone. THOSE were sent to many places using an app called PixelPipe. It lets me move photos to many places with one push.

    I shot some video using my Flip camera and also my Macbook, and then I’d upload that to YouTube, and post it into the Posterous account so that it’d fit into the same project.

    Family Considerations

    In all cases, I make sure that I’m not distracting my family. I’m never going to make the “media making” get in the way of the “being with my family.” That’s part one.

    Second, I use simple tools like the iPhone and the Flip camera more than I used the Nikon D60, because I liked that it would just slip into my pocket, was a few buttons away from ready to go, and made reasonably immediate media.

    I’d do my photo editing in the evenings when the kids were asleep, so as not to take the time away from them.

    The REAL Project

    The real thing I was doing with my Dads Eye View series was this: think about the anxieties that come with vacations. Times are tough for lots of people. I’m a lot like you in that I worry that I don’t have enough money, and vacations just seem like this place where we shake our our wallets.

    The project, for me, became a bit of an exploration into what we were doing, but what it made me feel. I don’t believe I covered that well in the later posts, but I will say that I thought about it with every post, so even though I didn’t share it with you, I learned.

    Your Thoughts?

    What do you think about vacations? Do you feel those anxieties? How are you capturing media? What do you do? Do you make projects with it?

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    That's What She Said: Colors

    It has been awhile since I have done a That’s What She Said.  The reason for that is I have been super busy at work.  The last 6 months has been one big push towards June 28th.  My team accomplished what we set out to do and then I took a break but I am back.  Enough about me already on to the story you came here for.
    The other night we were in Target. We has just checked out and one of the managers walked over and said hey. I used to work there so it is not unusual for employees to speak to my family casually.

    The managers asked Danni, “What’s your favorite color?” Danni responded, “Purple!”

    Keep in mind that this coming from the girl who is dressed in a pink dress, with pink gladiator jelly shoes ( I can’t believe I know what that is), pink ponytail holder, pink bow around ponytail, and pink sunglasses perched on top of her head. 90% of her life looks like a cotton candy machine exploded and when the smoke cleared, there she was.

    I looked at her crazy and said, “Danni, I thought it was pink.”

    She said, “No, sigh, pink is my signature color!”

    My favorite TWSS:

    Disney Would Be Proud

    The Drawer

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find my almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

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    Random Thoughts On Love

    Fly By The Moon

    The other day I heard my middle son say to my wife, “Mommy, I love you as fast as an airplane and as high as the moon.”

    We should all love that hard.

    Photo credit: Originally uploaded to Flickr by Wilson17(newly remarried!)

    Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.

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    Please Welcome New Addition to the Dad-O-matic Family: Chris Cuomo

    chriscuomo

    We are proud to announce a new member of the Dad-O-matic team, none other than Good Morning, America’s anchorman, Chris Cuomo! I first ran across Chris on twitter after some very strong recommendations to do so from my wife who said he was a very devoted dad like our guys on here. So I checked out his tweets and sure enough the very first thing I see him sharing is how he and his daughter Bella know all the words to the movie “Finding Nemo”. I then shared a post I had written for Dad-O-matic, ironically enough, about “Finding Nemo” called “Lessons Learned from Finding Nemo”.

    Much to my surprise, Chris replied and we began to communicate on Twitter as proud dads and loving husbands. I also learned that there was much more to the reserved anchorman we all see on television. He’s actually a regular guy who enjoys the same things we all do such as fishing, sports (He’s a big Cavs fan) and doing handyman work around the house.

    I was thrilled when he told me that he had checked out Dad-O-matic and said he liked what we were doing. Ultimately, I got the crazy idea (and a lot of nerve) to ask Chris if he would ever consider contributing some of his experiences as a dad in a high-profile position with our readers. Once again, he shocked me by agreeing to join our daddy club! We look forward to sharing Chris Cuomo’s sweet and funny stories about his beloved Bella and little Mario.

    Here’s a taste of what’s to come. This is the wonderful abc_gma_hot_two_081120_mnFather’s Day tribute to Chris on GMA in front of a national audience from his children thanks to his wife Cristina who coached them well. Bella and little Mario sure know how to tug at the heart strings! My favorite parts are when Bella says she enjoys her daddy’s company very much and when Mario says his dad is his best friend. I don’t know how Chris managed to maintain such composure. I know I would’ve melted into a great big ball of mush but then again I’m not a big time anchorman. :)

    If that didn’t get to you, then you must check this out. Here’s Chris on “GMA’s The Hot Seat” where he shares some very open and honest feelings about his children. I have to be honest and admit that it’s a truly touching piece.

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    The Straight Truth About American Potty Training

    The Straight Truth About American Potty Training

    Before parents were able to easily acquire disposable diapers in any warehouse store across the country, the vast majority of children in the United States were potty trained prior to blowing to their first birthday.

    But that all started to shift in the late 1950s and 1960s when American parents first started to dance with the idea of putting off potty training until after their child’s first year, the idea being that they would take care of potty training their child prior to age two.

    At the time, this was a radical philosophy. The new notion was first introduced by a Dr. Brazelton, the good Dr. arguing that children aren’t really ready to be trained until after they are able to walk by themselves. Since children generally don’t start walking until around one to one and a half years old, the entire American potty training paradigm experienced more than a subtle shift.

    Though Dr. Brazelton’s philosophy was considered a substantial delay at that time, jumping through five decades now finds the majority of American parents being advised to postpone the potty training of their child until they have the verbal and motor skills more often associated with a 3 year old toddler.

    Is this postponement considered progress?

    In the meantime, the rest of the world continues to happily potty train their children without the use of readily available disposables – or pressure, undue punishing, or any other form of psychological damage. When you consider that throughout the history of the world children have been trained far earlier than what is now commonplace in the United States, you have to ask yourself, “Are we doing the right thing in this country?”

    Here are a few potty training facts to consider:

    • The average age for potty training in this country is steadily rising. In the 1940s, the average was 18 months. Today, it has jumped to 35 months for girls and a staggering 39 months for boys.
    • Potty training a child early has no effect on the development of their personality, as clearly demonstrated by countless studies.
    • Parents can start the process of potty training at any age.
    • Teaching a child to use the potty can be as easy as teaching them to manipulate a stack of blocks.

    If you would like more information on the potty training in the US vs. the rest of the world, you can download this free report, “The Truth About Potty Training in America.

    Sean Platt is a ghostwriter and dad. Subscribe (for free) to his feed here.

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    Tweet Your Kids #3

    In Tweet Your Kids and Tweet Your Kids #2, I wrote “Ever think ‘I should write that down’ when your child says something funny?”

    I use Twitter for that. Here’re some Tweet-worthy comments from my boys.

    Seven-year-old Zachary

    Zachary the Clown

    Zachary the Clown

    Zachary to Lucas: “We’ve got to be in bed by 7:30 or else Daddy’s going to get punished!”

    Showing Zachary: M. Jackson’s Thriller for 1st time. Zach: “Why are all the monsters dancing?” Momma: “Because they all like the same music”

    Mom: “Zachary, wear your windbreaker.” Zach: “How can a jacket break wind?”

    “I know why they call it a pen pal. He’s your pal and when you write to him you usually use a pen.”

    Easter at the Hages. Zach: “Wow. I can’t believe how good we’ve been!”

    Reading “Curious George.” 7yo Zach: “Why do they call him ‘The man with the yellow hat? Why don’t they give him a name like Ralph?’”

    Daddy: “Zachary, make a card for Momma.” Zach: “I already made a card and a Shrinky Dink!”

    Wrote his name + a message in a new book: “Zachary Hage. No reward if returned.”

    RT @CardiacScience The SCAA clock http://budurl.com/DeathSCA just turned 128,000 cardiac deaths YTD. Zach asked me, “Why does God do that?”

    Zachary now old enuf to shower. Dad: “Put shampoo in your hair.” Zach: “What?! Put some poop in my hair?!”

    “Why are all the signs in Spanish?” during a daytrip in Mexico.

    Zachary thought it was “Our Father who Wharton heaven.”

    Five-year-old Lucas

    "The Dude," Lucas

    "The Dude," Lucas

    “Did you know? When girls have on lipstick, the lipstick gets on boys.”

    At Father’s Day church: “How come I didn’t get one of those cookie things?”

    “Momma, underpants and punderpants rhyme!”

    Lukey’s afrd of ghosts 2nite. “Lukey, even if there are ghosts, they can’t touch you.” “Yes they can. There are people inside of them.”

    Having trouble with a yo-yo: “Momma, this thing is being uncooperative on me!”

    Lucas runs into the bathroom, “Mommy, make sure Daddy doesn’t eat my dinner.”

    “The computer’s being really, really rude. It’s not letting me play my video game.”

    How to teach a 5yo to blow up a balloon? 5yo Lukey: “I don’t have enough air in me.”

    Lukey’s prayers tonight: “Thank you, God, for my most important brother. Thank you, God, for sunshine.”

    Lukey to Mom: “I’m drawing a picture of Daddy with his penis on.” To me: “Look, Daddy, there’s your penis.”

    Lukey slept without his “monkey light” last night. Dad: “Were you scared?” Lukey: “No. Just a little.”

    I get a lot of comments from engaged followers. Give it a try.

    P.S. You’ve heard a lot about cardiac arrest in light of Michael Jackson’s sudden death. You might not know 7,000 kids in America die from sudden cardiac arrest each year. I donated an AED defibrillator to protect my kids at school. Consider doing the same for yours. Email me for details at joe@joehageonline.com. Thanks.

    :: Joe Hage ::

    Other posts from Joe Hage:

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #2

    Tweet Your Kids + Tweet Your Kids #2

    Emploment Opprotunities

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    Mobile blogging age

    Ciao! I’m just testing the WordPress app for the iPhone to see how it publishes blog posts from here.

    I’m also going to attach a photo taken from my iPhone.

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    It's Only a Matter of Time

    bullwhipped-clock Have you read that book Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell?

    You haven’t? You must not want your kids to succeed. In it Gladwell provides evidence that the only difference between so-so violin players and master violin players is the amount of hours they practiced. The masters put in about 10,000 hours of practice before hitting twenty years old. The so-so players? Only 8000. That’s only 1.466 hours of practice a day, seven days a week for fifteen years. What slackers! If only their parents had driven them from age five on to practice a measly .366 hours a day more — a mere sixteen or so minutes.

    Learning that I wondered if I had failed as a parent and doomed my children to mediocrity for the rest of their lives.

    “I’m so sorry, girls! You’ll never amount to anything!”

    They stared at me slack jawed and wide eyed and I knew that it was true. Clearly they were all brain damaged.

    “But it’s not too late!” said I. Quickly calculating, I realized that if I put my seven year old with Cerebral Palsy into ice skating today, she could be a master by twenty with only two hours of daily practice. My ten year old, who wanted to play the harp, would only need to practice 2.75 hours a day for the next ten years if she wanted to amount to anything in the harp world. She could fit all that practice in while we were at the skating rink and during the ride home. Most kids spend more time watching TV than that, so it was completely doable.

    My fourteen year old was a dancer who wanted to compete in the Irish stepdancing on the world level. She’s already put in about 2000 hours since she was eleven, so she’d need 3.66 hours of rigorous dancing a day to hit 10,000. Easy. We could just leave her at home with some plywood planks, a mirror, and some food. She doesn’t like doing homework anyway…

    My seventeen year old posed a problem, though. She’d been singing since she was two, but not with a dedicated daily regimen. She’d only amassed 6000 hours of practice — such an abject failure. I was deeply ashamed for her. She, too, would need to squeeze in 3.66 hours of daily practice if she wanted to be a master vocalist in three short years.

    But she could do it. I mean, she’ll have to if she doesn’t want to grow up to be a complete loser.

    In fact, they could all do it if they did nothing but practice non-stop. Who needs playtime?

    Fortunately, it’s not too late to shape and mold my seven year old. I can just imagine the conversations we’ll have when I prepare her for Charter High School next year…

    “But Dad, I don’t want to major in system administration, pharmacology, and neuroscience!”

    “You’ll do as you’re told. Now hush, we have to get you to the skating rink for your Olympics training.”

    Douglas Cootey is a married, full time dad raising four girls in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah who has long ago overcome his aversion to the color Pink. Douglas blogs about overcoming AD/HD & Depression with humor & pluck over at the award winning A Splintered Mind. He also co-produces a podcast with his 17 year old daughter. The random thoughts of his addled mind can be found at DouglasCootey and SplinteredMind over on Twitter.

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    A Poem for my Papí

    This week marks the one year anniversary of my grandfather’s death. At 99 years old he lived the most remarkable life of anyone I’ve ever known. He taught me a lot about being a man and showed me how to love my wife. He was married to his own beloved for 74 years.

    Earlier in the week I wrote a poem for my grandfather, but I would like to honor him by repeating it here.

    A Poem for my Papí

    Jose Ramos, Daddy, Papí. A man impossible to copy.
    He had a one and only inclination to live his life with such elation,
    joy and mischief, mirth, and cheer; too much for one century, minus a year.

    Papí was gentle, and impossibly funny. He valued his friendships far above money.
    He always looked forward and without regret. He never walked away from a window to bet.
    He meant so much to me in his immovable place. I can look in the mirror and stare at his face.

    Ever since that time when I was small – a sassy little know it all -
    he and my Honey guided me, to the best that I could be.
    Every weekend of my youth, with conduct ungrateful and a little uncouth,
    they took me in and taught me well. But more than simply to speak and to spell.
    They taught me other messages, a lot more essential, like meeting and making my moral potential.

    They trained me not to cheat or lie, to never quit and always try,
    to speak my mind and wait my turn, to show compassion and concern,
    to all my neighbors, lend out a hand or maybe an ear to understand.

    The best from all these lessons learned, a powerful example burned
    (in my mind like it was branded), they both taught me single handed
    how to treat my only other – as though the world could hold no other
    soul who could ever compare, no matter who and no matter where.

    They loved each other without doubt, without dearth, and without drought.
    Even though I was only a kid, I know exactly the good that it did.
    It showed me what to want from life, then led me toward my perfect wife.

    If I could ever travel back, take the years and flip the stack,
    I’d look them in their younger eyes and thank them true for being wise
    and providing me a perfect picture to follow like a written scripture.

    I grew up, and added years, a bigger nose and longer ears.
    By the time I was mature, walking tall and talking sure.
    I saw Papí from a different position, with what I’d already seen plus another addition.

    It’s not the years in our life but the life in our years, the gray in our hair and the salt in our tears.
    The smiles we carry and people we meet, the flavors of life from sour to sweet.
    Papi’s a man who met wisdom with age, by living his life like he lived it on stage.
    I’ll never forget him if I’m a hundred and five. In my heart I will always keep Papi alive.

    Sean Platt is a ghostwriter and full time father. Subscribe to his (free) Writer Dad feed for awesome thoughts twice a week.

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    The gift of a Book

    As advertisers climb over one another to suggest Father’s Day gifts, it is wise to consider Emily Dickenson’s poem, A Book.

    There is no frigate like a book
    To take us lands away,
    Nor any coursers like a page
    Of prancing poetry.
    This traverse may the poorest take
    Without oppress of toll;
    How frugal is the chariot
    That bears a human soul!

    The gift of a book is unlike other gifts. Like Dickenson’s poem, it has the power of words to lift the imagination and embolden action. But where does one begin?

    If Dad has a penchant for poetry, Favorite Poems Old and New is a rich anthology which includes poems of Wordsworth, Yeats, Blake, Stevenson, and Dickenson’s A Book. However the book that I recommend most frequently, and give most often is Gladys Hunt’s Honey for a Child’s Heart: The Imaginative Use of Literature in Family Life. It is a breathtaking view of the beauty of literature that the role that it can play in the family – replete with an anotated bibliography of great books for children at each age. I have yet to find a more inspiring book that makes reading with my kids a true joy.

    Books, great books, have the ability to inspire awe and wonder in a Dad and his children. There are few gifts that should be higher on a gift list.

    Honey for a Child's Heart

    Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

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    A Handful of Father's Day Quotes

    Over at my primary online home, I have the tagline that “Life’s better when you have the right words.” I truly believe this. I think the right syllables strung together can stick with us for our own personal eternity.

    In celebration of Father’s Day tomorrow, I thought it would be nice to list a small handful of my favorite fatherhood quotes.

    Enjoy!

    “It is a wise father that knows his own child.”
    ~ William Shakespeare

    “Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.”
    ~ Ruth E Renkel

    “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
    ~ Mark Twain

    “I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.”
    ~ Bartrand Hubbard

    “By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
    ~ Charles Wadsworth

    “A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.”
    ~ Enid Bagnold

    “It is much easier to become a father than to be one.

”
    ~ Kent Nerburn

    “One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”
    ~ Anonymous

    “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is “soap-on-a-rope.”
    ~ Bill Cosby

    “My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard.  Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply.  ‘We’re raising boys’.”
    ~ Harmon Killebrew

    “He didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
    ~ Clarence Budington Kelland

    “A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.”
    ~Author Unknown

    “There are three stages of a man’s life:  He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.”
    ~Author Unknown

    Writer Dad is also a Ghostwriter for hire and occasional potty training expert. Subscribe to his feed here.

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    Father's Day Homework

    Sunday is Father’s Day. It may seem a bit rude for me, a mommy, to ask you guys to self-reflect (god forbid), but I know you can handle it. Dad-o-Matic Dads aren’t afraid of a little reality check now-and-then, right?

    cavaliers

    Don’t worry, the self-reflection homework doesn’t come until the end.  Painless, I promise!  ;)

    First I have to admit I don’t know much about dads. In fact, they’ve always been a bit of a mystery to me.

    My parents divorced when I was 9, but my dad was out of the house before that.  Even when my parents were married, my dad worked at night so I saw him rarely. In fact, after the separation and divorce, I saw my father more often than when he was living with us.  That only lasted for a short time though.  My father came from a different generation, one that was taught that child-rearing was “women’s work.”  He didn’t have much patience for small children.

    When I would meet friends’ dads, I’d be fascinated.  I would instinctually recognize the same “type” of dad, the distant, strict, no-excuses father like mine (which, honestly, were the norm in the small community I grew up in).  But sometimes I’d meet a dad who was, well, a DAD. A guy who sat and talked with his kids, who coached the pee-wee team, or who helped sell girl scout cookies.  I disregarded the strict dads, as I grew to be quite independent (my father-in-law wasn’t at all thrilled with me when we met) and I feared yet longed for the closeness and influence of the “hands-on” dads.

    I could wax on forever about my own life, but I’ll wax off and always look eye, Daniel-san.  Here comes the self-reflection part.

    Even before Freud and his cocaine-frenzied ego-orgies with bored ladies-who-lunch, mothers were blamed for all the mental disorders kids could manifest. For the past few decades, psychologists have started looking at the influence fathers have on their kids (this is actually good news, not just for us scapegoated moms).

    It may sound ridiculously obvious, but you dads actually shape your kids’ world views, not just by your discipline but by your daily behavior. For example, more and more psych research comes out about how the father’s personality determines how a girl will find a mate later in life, and about how fathers act toward women is the defining lesson a boy learns about relationships.

    In the book, “The Role of the Father in Child Development” (.pdf of intro here), Editor Michael E. Lamb outlines the 3 areas that many researchers concentrate on when researching the father/child relationship: Engagement, Accessibility, and Responsibility.

    Here’s the homework:  If you’re a dad, perhaps you can use these few days before Father’s Day to self-reflect on how you are involved with your children, how approachable you are to them, and if you are fulfilling your duty to them (as your children see it, and as you see it).  Maybe spend some time thinking about how your own father rated on these scales. This can take 5 minutes or 50, it’s up to you.

    See? That didn’t hurt a bit. For extra credit, you can share your thoughts in the comments section.

    To my fellow writers on Dad-o-Matic and every other Dad on the planet, Happy Father’s Day!

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    Being A Role Model Is More Important Than Being A Celebrity

    This week David Letterman brought shame on Fatherhood. This has nothing to do with with politics, whether you are a supporter or detractor of Sarah Palin, whether you believe that as a public figure her family is also fair game for being the brunt of a humorists attention, David Letterman, as a Father should know better.

    His defence, which was thin at best and consisted mostly of saying his joke wasnt about a 14 year old girl it was about an 18 year old girl, was ridiculous. As was his initial defence that “its what I do”.

    It made me think about the way we try and excuse our behavior when what we should really do is think about the lessons we try and instill in our children.  If your child did something that you found unacceptable and you took them to task over it would you accept lame weak excuses? Would you want them to accept responsibility for what they had done? Would you want them to make amends?

    As the Father of a 5 year old son, does David Letterman want his son to grow up to be a man who takes responsibility or does he want him to grow up following in his Father’s footsteps and duck responsibility.  As the Father of two daughters, one of whom is 18, if David Letterman or any one else suggested that my daughter was an easy target for a baseball player, I’d be more than angry.

    So David Letterman man up, face up to the fact that you made a mistake, you made a poor judgment call, accept it, we all do it, the error is not in making the mistake, it is in not correcting it properly, openly and fully.

    As Fathers we have received a bad press, and in some cases rightly so, we have our share of bad “members” like any other social group. However, I’d like to believe that for the most part, Fathers are a responsible group of people who are working hard to instill in the next generation good values of respect for women and for other people in general.

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    Recharging and Life Balance

    Harold At the Park I travel a lot lately, and one thing I’m asked quite often is how I recharge or how I maintain my life balance. Let me start by saying that I haven’t really figured out a great balance for my life, but I can say that I am doing lots to keep it all juggled. I wanted to write a quick post about this before I take my family out to breakfast, if only to explain this part of the lifestyle of a hard-working small business owner.

    First, a Snapshot of My Life

    I’m president of a small business called New Marketing Labs. I am also a professional speaker. Between these two roles, I travel at least once a week most weeks and have been since the beginning of 2009 (before then, I still traveled, but maybe only once a month). The longest stretch I’ve gone away from my family was two solid weeks, which was quite a push.

    When I’m on the road, I haven’t had the ability to connect visually with my family because my wife’s laptop died a short while back, killing the possibility of Skype. We’ve fixed that, but for quite a while, I could only talk with everyone on the phone. If you have young kids (mine are 7 and 3), you know that’s sometimes like pulling teeth.

    It’s life right now. I do a lot of things, have a ton of business on my plate, and am providing (I hope) for a good future for my family.

    When I come home, I am FULLY focused on my family. I give them as much time and love as I can. We go places. We play rough (because that’s a Daddy game in our household). We giggle and joke and read tons and tons of books together. We go to the lake and the ocean (as the weather gets better).

    How I Recharge

    As a Dad, my goals when I’m off the road are to get myself reset for whatever the next trip is, and then try and connect as much as possible with the family. I give my wife time off to go to the movies, go out with friends, go shopping, or whatever else she’s had to sacrifice while being, essentially, a single mom the whole time I’m gone. During that time, I engage my kids in things that I connect on with them. For example, my daughter and I read and draw together (Mom does the messier art, as I’m a bit twitchy about that). My son and I play with trains and wrestle and roughhouse a lot (Hey, my daughter likes fighting, too, but she’s getting pretty tough at 7).

    You might notice that my family’s reconnection comes first before any kind of personal recharge. It’s because I want them repaid for their efforts while I’m away. I want them to know they’re every bit as much part of the team and that I love them and am grateful for them. Thus, I do what I can to reconnect and recharge them before tackling myself.

    Some Specifics to Consider

    • Often times, I get a cheap airport hotel room the night before I fly or the night I come back. One reason is we have 1 car, and this makes retrieval easier. The other reason is that I can get one attempt more at sleep before reconnecting.
    • Now when I travel, I try to sneak off to my room and unplug every now and again. My personal batteries need recharging, and that requires me to go offline for a bit.
    • When I can, I try and have smaller meals with fewer folks while on the road. I love big meetups, but I recharge by having smaller conversations later.
    • I find my way into bookstores and books when I can. Reading about other people’s lives or learning business strategies recharges me.
    • I’m finally getting back into my body a bit. I did some hiking in Seattle that powered that rebirth.
    • Now that we repaired the laptop at home, I Skype video with my kids while I’m away so that we can see each other. They like seeing my various hotel rooms.
    • I am trying hard to set better boundaries around what is work time and what is not (not succeeding yet).
    • When I get home, I make sure to talk lots and lots about what my family has been doing, and give them all the air first. Then, when they feel satisfied that I know what they’ve been doing, I know we’ll talk a little about wherever I’ve been.
    • I try hard not to interrupt family time with work. My business partners and clients often respect this.

    It’s not perfect, but I’m working on it all the time. It’s one of my most important projects.

    What about you? How do you balance it all?

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    5 Quick Tips for Potty Training

    This post is for all those parents still swimming through the tar of toilet training. Here are 5 quick tips to help your hurdle the pitfalls of potty training.
    1) Make toilet training as comfortable for your toddler as possible. Getting them their own potty chair can be a messy, scary experience for them. Try getting them started straight on the family toilet. This method makes it easy, efficient, and can start immediately. Also make sure you have a small stool so they can easily access the potty with independence.
    2) Let your toddler select their own underwear. It’s the little things they often love the most, and picking underwear with a favorite character will help them look forward to the potty training experience. And if they’re looking forward to training, half your battle is already won.
    3) Turn toilet training into an adventure. Let them bid a fond farewell to everything they flush. It may seem silly to you, but to them, saying “Bye-bye toilet paper,” can be exciting enough to call potty training fun.
    4) Get your child to the potty immediately after an accident and change them while placing their waste into the potty. This will reinforce the purpose of the potty in your toddler’s mind.
    5) Eliminate fear. Model casual behavior and your child will follow. You never want to force potty training on your toddler. If resistance is strong, pull back and try again in a few days.

    However, be sure your child’s resistance has merit and they aren’t pitting their will against yours. If you back off too early, the second round is sure to be a lot harder than the first.
    Sean Platt is always a dad, and an occasional potty training expert who also tweets.

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    Wisdom from 1881

    In Little Town on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls tells with typical candor how she got herself into trouble by the careless use of words. After Laura is thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed of her loose tongue, her mother writes a short poem in Laura’s journal:

    If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
    Five things observe with care,
    To whom you speak,
    Of whom you speak,
    And how, and when, and where

    That little poem is well worth committing to memory – and of sharing with our children.

    Reading that chapter aloud to my five-year-old provided a shared experience for us in which we felt the weight and force of those wise words. It created a context for us to discuss words written well over 100 years ago that are perhaps even more apropos today than they were when penned in 1881.

    Do you have old books that you love reading and discussing with your children?

    Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

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    Where Is Our Inspiration?

    Papale_whalberg I just watched the last hour of Invincible, the story of Vince Papali, who is played by Mark (y) Wahlberg.

    That was a good simple story. The entire movie built up to the first win of the season for the Eagles that year. And it ended without the usual montage of “fast-forwarding through all the wins”.

    It was inspirational.

    Sports movies are often the most awesome stories in terms of inspiration. They’re often true, or based on truth, and they give us hope that normal folk can be giants among men.

    I love these movies. I love to be inspired.

    But mostly, it reminds me of the fragility of our society. Kids are brought up in a society that focuses on saturday/sunday matches between teams of sportsmen. It’s the modern day battlefield, and every Dad wants his son to be a warrior famed throughout the lands.

    I’m going to go out on a limb now.

    Society shouldn’t be built on families finding their inspiration in sporting heroes.

    We need to build our society far closer to home.

    Husbands should make their wives heroic. In their own eyes, and in the eyes of their children. Wives should do the same for their husbands.

    And as Parents, we should be teaching our kids to find inspiration in what matters far more than sports. It’s a Dad giving himself to his wife, to his family. It’s a Mum who finds joy and happiness in her Motherhood. It’s obedience and humility and thanksgiving.

    It is a constant challenge for me to show my kids the right kind of inspiration. I’m a big physical guy. I love my rugby. The smash and bash and battle frenzy of being on a muddy field of sporting combat.

    But the best inspiration I can be is not to fill my kids heads with talk of this and that player, of this and that game. It’s to seek wisdom every single day I am a Father to my children in teaching them how to think, how to speak, how to act. In leading them by example.

    I’m not going to get it right all the time. That’s given. We are none of us perfect. But my kids know who I am. They know obedience and kindness, grace and humility.

    If we give our kids inspiration from our homes, we build a better society.

    Stu Andrews has his own blog here, tells stories here, and gets opinionated about Rugby here.

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    Why We Should Praise Our Children

    Those souls wishing to question the power of praise, should try it out on any random group of children.

    The following scene is set at the preschool my wife and I ran together until the final week of last December.

    One dozen children are sitting around a long oval table, waiting for delivery of their wedges of fruit. The youngest child, at 18 months, is happily mashing his mitts upon the table. The oldest is sitting without a word, hands folded neatly into a nest in his lap. The remaining little ones are scattered in assorted shenanigans.

    “My goodness,” I say. I inhale just a little and send my eyebrows climbing. “Look how well William is waiting.”

    An instant hush falls like a blanket over the table, thicker than if I had suggested that Santa was now surveying the room.

    “I’m being patient, Mr. Sean!”

    The voice pipes from a toddler who, just a single second before was yodeling an off key chorus to Yankee Doodle Dandy. His new declaration saturates the air, chased immediately by an avalanche of identical echos. Even the tiniest tot loses interest in his high chair and begins to wildly clap.

    We all thirst for validation, as much a part of our DNA as the shade of our eyes, only less obvious and cradling infinitely more importance.

    With my own children, I never allow the sun to leave the sky without letting them know how proud I am of precisely the person they are. Their ears even seem to stand at attention as they stand straighter and smile wider, shoulders swelling to fill the outline I’ve drawn around them. My verbal applause gives my words gravity. My children may love to hear me tell them I think they’ve done a great job, but they are also loathe to find me upset, disappointed, or angry in any measure.

    This is not any sort of new age hokum I’m leaking from the right side of my brain. There is substantial research documenting the infinite advantage of regular praise in regard to the development of a child.

    There is something inside each of us, that steady beat that makes us human, always searching for a rhythm to follow, eager to find license to a tempo that’s true. No matter how tall we grow, we never shed this innate need for compliments any more than we do our need for sunlight or water.

    Every day my wife tells me she’s proud of me. Then she tells me why. I do the same for her. It might seem hokey to some, but it isn’t. The praise we extend to one another is constantly feeding our mutual flame with the finest of fuel and from the purest provenance possible.

    We must practice praise. It is important for our marriages, and essential to molding who our children will one day be. We must of course tell them how they can do better, but we must also never forget to tell them what they do well. There is nothing quite like watching them attempt to recapture the magic.

    Sean Platt is always a dad, but spends a significant amount of time ghostwriting and tweeting as well.

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    A child's insight into a father's motives

    I  have been reading aloud to my daughter from Still More Stories from Grandma’s Attic, stories of growing up in Michigan in the early 20th century, recounted by an aging Grandma. In one chapter, she expresses her recollections of her father, who had said he would confiscate her things that she left lying around the house and yard:

    On the way to school, I talked it over with Sarah Jane.
    “Do you think your pa would really do that?” she asked.
    “I’m sure of it,” I replied. “He doesn’t say stuff unless he intends to do it. Once he told me that if I slammed the door one more time, he’d teach me how to close it.”
    “Did you slam it again?”
    I nodded. “And he taught me how to close it. I opened and shut the back door for half an hour. I don’t think I’ve slammed it since.”
    “Half an hour!” Sarah Jane exclaimed. “I would have cried until he let me stop.”
    “Then you’d still be doing it if you had my pa,” I told her. “He thinks you should cry because you’re sorry you did it, not because you’re being punished. He can tell the difference too!”

    I couldn’t help chickling as I read. Kids are perceptive. They know who the people are who speak only when they intend to do something, and those who care more about character than crying.

    What insights do you think your kids would share on your parenting?

    Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

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    The Roku Box – and Netflix – Kid Goodness

    roku_netflix_01_425-783960We signed up a little over a year ago to receive DVDs and Blu-Ray disks through the Mail from Netflix.com.  We don’t get out much as a family to the movies, and this has allowed us to catch up on a lot of movies and TV that we’ve missed out on, but what I really want to talk about is the Roku Box and the Watch Instantly service that Netflix offers.

    We bought the ROKU box about eight months ago.  It hooks up to your TV and attaches to your home wireless network.  When it’s connected to the Internet, it reaches out to Netflix to your “Watch Instantly” queue.  You can stream HD movies, television shows, and most importantly for this article, kids movies and cartoons.

    My daughter has now watched all available Scooby Doo movies, made her way through some Loony Tunes and discovered new TV series like “Ramona the Vampire,” that none of us have ever heard of.  You get all of this content as part of your regular Netflix service.  Recently they’ve added the ability to watch movies on demand from Amazon and other places as well, making the link from Internet to TV one notch stronger.

    I recommend this service, and the ROKU box to anyone.  We watched the original Dr. Doolittle with Katie recently, and she loved it as much as we did.  We’d never have dished out money to buy that, but having it at your fingertips brings some sharted memories and experiences that might otherwise have been missed.

    Right now we’re watching Tom & Jerry in a pirate movie, and the entire family is gathered for the event.  All hail the Internet.

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    10 Things for the Best Summer Ever! (according to a 7 year old)

    Ever since I handed my 7 year old daughter a guest post on my primary blog a couple months back, she’s been itching to have another pirouette in the spotlight. When I told her I was planning to write a list of things to do with your children over summer, she asked if she could contribute.

    “Contribute!” I said, “Why don’t you just make the list?”

    So she did. Here is the list of my daughter’s top 10 things to do with your family over summer vacation.

    1) Pick an animal from each continent and write down your favorite things about them.
    2) Help your parents to cook. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are all fun, but they taste even better when you help!
    3) Practice writing! Writing is fun because you get to make up stuff and it makes your brain better with lots of ideas.
    4) Practice your hobbies. I play the violin, but you can practice anything. Just remember, practice makes perfect!
    5) Spend time with your friends. You can plan out what you’re going to do and even write them notes ahead of time.
    6) Have fun! Summer time is the best time for fun because you’re off from school and so you don’t have as much work to do.
    7) Go to the beach! Going to the beach is fun because you can go in the water and play in the sand. If you don’t live near a beach, you can go to the park instead. 8) Plant in the garden. Planting takes a lot of work, but it is really fun and when you are all done, you have pretty flowers to look at.
    9) Watch lots of movies. I love to watch movies because they’re really exciting. I do not watch TV, but we watch lots of movies on the weekend and every Friday night.
    10) Exercise! Since we don’t have to drive to school everyday during summer, my family really likes to walk everywhere.

    My daughter’s list is probably different from yours, but take the time to find out what your child wants to do and you can have a ball for all involved.

    Sean Platt is a dad and ghostwriter who also tweets.

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    Concerted cultivation in parenting and gardening

    Over the past week or two, I’ve spent a lot of time parenting and gardening – and reflecting on both. I have been doing kindergarten outside in the garden with my five-year old daughter every morning (that it hasn’t rained). She waters the plants, and I pluck the weeds. And, of course, we read, talk and write together.

    Watering and Weeding
    It strikes me that that there is a parallel between parenting and gardening in concerted cultivation. If I want the garden to thrive (and not the weeds), I need to be diligent about watering and weeding. When I do those two things, I can enjoy the beauty of the garden. Likewise in parenting, I need to be diligent in nurturing and correcting. When I do those two things, I enjoy the beauty of our relationship. If I fail to nurture, my daughter will wilt like a flower without water; if I nurture without correcting, she’ll grow, but her character will be laced with weeds. If I correct without nurture, I may get rid of the weeds, but her character won’t blossom.

    What wisdom can you share in cultivating your relationship with your kids?

    Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

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    Father's Day Giveaway from Griffin

    griffinlogo
    The good folks at Griffin Technology have partnered with Dad-o-matic for a special Father’s Day series of giveaways featuring some of their best products. For the next four weeks, starting on May 24, 2009, someone will win a Griffin Prize Package that includes all of these cool prizes.

    Note: Should a product not be available, a replacement will be sent at equal or greater value.

    How do you become eligible to win a prize?
    Leave a comment for this post giving us a reason why your dad or husband deserves to win the prize along with your email address so we can get your shipping information in the event you do win.

    To increase your chances of winning, just share a link to this post on twitter with the hashtags #Dadomatic #Griffin.

    All of the contestants will be entered in a hat and the winners selected randomly by Dad-O-matic on the following dates:
    5/24/2009
    5/31/2009
    6/7/2009
    6/14/2009

    Good luck to everyone!

    Note: Dads who write for Dad-O-matic and their family members are not elligible for this contest. This is solely for our readers.

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    5 Ways to Get More Sex from Your Wife

    Nice, but not enough.

    It’s the age-old problem.  Your wife’s libido doesn’t match yours.  You’ve heard “I’m tired” so many times you can’t tell if your wife is speaking for herself or her Honda.

    I’m going to be kicked out of the girls’ club for this, but I’m going to break it down for you gentlemen.  Man up now, because the truth isn’t pretty.

    Ready? Ok.  Let’s begin!

    1. Be a good handyman. This one is especially important for husbands who have stay-at-home spouses.  We have to be here all day, looking at the chipping paint, hearing the faucet drip, and being mortified when the curtains come crashing down on the neighbor’s toddler.  Nothing is sexier than a man who says, “Oh, don’t worry Honey.  I’ll fix it!” AND DOES. My poor neighbor was without a half bath because her husband started the re-hab and never finished it.  Here’s a hint: You aren’t getting any if there is an old toilet sitting out on the back porch for months.  My front yard has such ugly bare and weedy patches that I’m surprised the neighbors haven’t signed us up for a landscaping reality show.  I’m so desperate to avoid their grimaces that I’ve told my husband that I’ll break out a not-often-performed bedroom goodie if he would just put some turf down.


    2. Get in shape.
    OK, fine.  We may not be in the best shape after bearing your children.  This is just a double-standard you’ll have to deal with if you want more sex.  You need to be more fit.  You don’t need to be a body builder.  Just get down to a healthy weight.  Eat better.  Be a good example of a healthy lifestyle for your kids.  We women like sexy men, but when it comes to a spouse we want more than that; we want security.  We want you to care about us enough to be around as long as possible.  By taking care of yourself, you are showing us that you love us.  *That* is sexy.

    3. Take the children out on the weekends. By yourself.  For a few hours at a time. What is so hard to understand here?  I know so many women who drink every night.  Alcohol.  Every. Single. Night.  One of my friends goes through 2.5 bottles of Kaluha a week.  Dudes!  You must give us some time alone, in the house.  It doesn’t count if you send us out grocery shopping on our own while you put our 2-year-olds in front of Battlestar Galactica.  We want some time to relax in a place where we don’t need to put on make-up.  Starbucks may be suburban mommy heaven, but we can hardly put our feet up there and read a good book or have domain over the clicker.  A nice massage after an afternoon home alone will go a long way, too.

    4. Bear some emotional responsibility. Ok stay with me, boys.  I know that phrase made less sense to you than a new golf ball in a teapot.  We, as moms, are overloaded with everyone’s moods, angst, spiritual confusion, what-have-you.  On top of this, we have to balance your state of mind as well as our own nagging lack of fulfillment.  I lost you again.  Here it is in a nutshell:  Learn what emotions are and how to recognize them.  Don’t make us always be the one to “smooth things over” when our teenage daughter is in hysterics because her favorite sock got a hole in it.  Plan and take us on a date sometimes.  Pay the damn babysitter already.  Don’t be stingy with your emotions or your money.  For us, emotions and money are very, very closely related  (I told you that the truth wasn’t pretty).

    5. Spark our imagination. Our biggest sexual organ is our brain.  I know, I know, cliché.  But it’s true.  You can have sex in the same way over and over, and it’s just dandy for you.  You’re thinking, “I’m having sex!!!”  We’re thinking, “Hope this is done soon.”  I’ve heard my friends say that they will put up with occasional sex just so their husbands will let them sleep in the next morning.  Huh?  What the heck is THAT?  How low our standards have become!  Bring some life into the bedroom.  Role play.  Fantasy.  Wait! Before you go down that amateur-porn lane, you’d better listen up.  Don’t you dare go out and buy a French maid’s outfit.  That would be for you.  Think about us.  What kind of fantasy does your wife have?  Talk it over with her.  If she is shy, help her feel safe about sharing.  Act goofy.  Pretend you’re doing local theater.  Whatever!  We hate the same old boring sex.  Try stimulating our brains, and not just when you want to get us in bed.  Talk to us throughout the day.  Ask us our opinion and listen to what we have to say.  Tell us about a small revelation you had today or ask what we would do if we were in your situation at work.  Ask us about the news, or what feeds our souls.  You did it when we were dating.  Remember all that good sex?  That wasn’t just because we were in the infatuation stage.  You were still in that stage; we got over it in the first few weeks.  Why did you forget to ignite us like you used to?

    Pick 1 or do all 5.  Heck, show your wife this article.  Talk about it.  Or don’t share it and surprise us.  Just remember: our sagging libidos are just part of it.  You can take care of your share of this.  You can make it easier for us to say yes.

    Amplify

    (Temporary) Single Father: Part 1 Chili Dogs and Pork Chops

    For the past week and a half my wife has been away in Montreal taking a course.  This has left me as a temporary single father.  Now, I realize this is nothing at all like what real single dads go through, but it may have given me some insight.  It also has allowed me to understand how much my wife does around here.

    We have two kids, Jon who is 8, and Maddie who is 15.  John has high functioning autism, so he is always a bit of a challenge, whether his Mom is here or not.  Maddie is perhaps the most low maintenance cool kid ever (and that is not bias, it is the truth, seriously…).

    Isabelle has gone away before and I have done this before.  That said, this one is for a month, so this is a bit more of a challenge.  

    First off the good.  You know, there are things I just love to eat.  Two of those things are chili dogs and pork chops.  These are not really in Isabelle’s culinary wheelhouse, so well, you know, it is not that big a sacrifice to not cook these items (I do most of the cooking at home).   The first night that Isa was away,  chili dogs, to which Madeleine let out a “wOOt”.  The next night, grilled pork chops, and Maddie and I polished off about oh 2.0 kg of pork…  Jon was impressed with neither, which was no big deal, but he did sit down to dinner with us, which was pretty cool (usually he runs around at top speed yelling about helicopters and recon planes as he is a bit of a Call of Duty fan…)  I attribute Jon’s behaviour to the fact that he cannot play one parent off against another.  It would be the same if I was away.

    That night though, well, things were a bit, oh shall we say, different.  Maddie came to me and told me she needed, oh what is a good euphemism.. let’s go with “feminine hygiene products”.  So, off to the store, about 1.5 km away I went.  Now, the thing is, I am legally blind, so no driving, so I walked.  The cool thing was, you know what?  She was totally comfortable asking me to go, and I was comfortable talking to her about something that I imagine she would usually ask Isabelle.

    The next day Maddie and I recorded our podcast with Jon talking in the background.  This was our first episode together (Maddie just replaced Isabelle on the show) and it seemed fitting that we do our first show while Maman is away.

    So far so good.  That said, Maddie just left for a school trip to Chicago, so I am on my own with the boy for a few days.  However, let’s leave that to my next post.

    Dr. Dave Brodbeck is a professor of psychology at Algoma University in Sault Ste. Marie ON.  He is married, and has two great kids.  Dave is the host of Why? The Science Show For Kids, thunderbird six, and co hosts Broca’s Area and Tangential Convergence. He can be found on twitter, usually making sarcastic comments.

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    In Search of the Great Pumpkin

    And So It Begins

    And So It Begins

    We are always looking for ways to do new things with the kids that will also serve as learning experiences.  When I was young, we gardened.  I had a huge strawberry patch, some tomatoes and beans, and a lot of fun working with my mom to plant, care for, and harvest them.  The other day our daughter Katie (5) showed some interest in growing pumpkins, and we decided to take the plunge.

    The seeds we bought claim that they will grow pumpkins between 300 and 500 pounds.  I’m not sure I believe that, but it makes the attempt more fun.  We also wanted this to be a full gardening experience, so it didn’t stop at a pot and some seeds.  When we did the annual weeding of the flowerbeds, I rented a roto-tiller, and we made Katie her own garden.

    Katie and her Garden

    Katie and her Garden

    It’s not a huge garden.  It covers about 8′ square in the corner of our back yard.  I built a wooden frame around it with my son Billy, and we carted in some topsoil (mushroom compost and horse manure, they tell us) to fill it in with.  Then we made mounds and waited for the saplings.
    As you can see in the first picture above, they grew pretty quickly.  We now have them growing in the mounds … and are about to plant some watermelon seeds, a hot pepper plant, and a few other things that we’ve picked up along the way.
    vines1

    It will be Katie’s job to go out with either her mother, or with me, to weed this garden regularly. We plan some sessions on the computer scouring the Internet for ways to care for the pumpkins, make them grow in bigger, and other fun information.  It’s something we all do together, and it’s been surprisingly satisfying despite the extra hard work at the beginning.  I’ll keep you all posted on the growth of our “Great Pumpkins,” but even if they turn out tiny and yellow, it’s going to be worth it for the enjoyment of doing the job together.

    Wish us luck!  Do any of you involve your kids in the yard work, gardening, etc. in creative ways?  How about any pumpkin experts?  I’d love to hear from you.

    Amplify

    "The Mommy" Mystery

    carrymeYou don’t have to deserve your mother’s love.  You have to deserve your father’s.  He is more particular…. The father is always a Republican towards his son, and his mother’s always a Democrat. ~Robert Frost

    The Mystery

    My husband, “Jay”, had this crazy idea that my children obey my every command, that my toddler doesn’t lie flat in the middle of an intersection because he wants to be carried, that my grade-schooler actually gets up from the couch and puts her NintendoDS away with joy when she is told.  I often asked Jay if there were also magic fairies flying around in his world.

    The fact is my husband is in a different world.  My kids behave differently when they are with him.  They’re better.  When my toddler son “Cue” is with his father, he wouldn’t dream of going boneless in the face of oncoming traffic.  My grade-schooler daughter “Oz” pops to attention as soon as her father speaks her name.

    When I complained, Jay dealt up helpful advice like “Just tell him to walk” or  “Be more authoritative.” I try this, and my children turn into varying degrees of devil spawn.   I adopt the authoritative tone over a few months to see if it sinks in; it doesn’t.  Oz and Cue just dive deeper into their comfort zone of Dante’s Inferno.

    I’d been trying, in vain, to explain this phenomenon to Jay.  He didn’t “get” it until he saw it in action recently.  We took Cue, the toddler, to the park to ride his bike.  Instead of the hearty pedaling he usually does, Cue feigned fright.  He didn’t pedal; He whined.  Jay was flabbergasted; I was smug.

    “See?” I said. “This is what I get all the time.”

    “He’s only doing this because you’re here,” Jay said, as if to shift blame.

    “Exactly!” I exclaimed.

    Jay still didn’t seem to get it.  I leaned over to Cue. Using my full-on Commander Riker voice, I said “Ride your bike!”

    “Noooooo, I gonna fall off!” Cue wailed.  He then got off the bike and jumped in my arms, his helmet smashing into my front teeth.

    My husband ordered him immediately to ride his bike, but it was no use.  “It’s just because you’re here,” my husband mumbled.  “He rode it just fine the 5 million other times we’ve been out.”

    “I can’t get the kids to do anything,” I repeated, for what felt like the 5 million-and-second time.  “If I were alone, I’d end up carrying him and the bicycle.”

    The Defining Moment

    Finally I caught a break.  The week following the ill-fated bike ride, my children granted me the small mercy of demonstrating this deviant behavior when my husband could witness it.  It happened so often and so clearly that now Jay and I have given the phenomenon a name.  We call it “The Mommy.”

    The Mommy:
    Main Entry:  the mom·my
    Pronunciation: thə  mämē, -mi
    Function: proper noun
    Inflected Form(s): -ies
    Etymology: Middle English moder must-have-nowe Old English momacrdor; akin to Old High German muoter mother, don’t-maketh-me, Latin mater, mater, mater, mater, I-need-you mater.
    1 a : the mysterious phenomenon or inexplicable behavior that a child exhibits in the presence of the woman who gave birth and/or is rearing that child, wherein the behavior of total helplessness overcomes said child. <She pulled The Mommy today when she was asked to do her chores> <He went boneless and did The Mommy in the street> b. the opposite behavior that a child displays in front of the male adult figure, usually the father, characterized by big eyes, whine, and every other expression they wouldn’t dare give said male figure. <I say, “Mow the lawn” and he does it.  No The Mommy here.>

    Jay and I parent the same way.  We are on the same page when it comes to discipline and rewards.  We are both authorities and our children are generally well-behaved.  We don’t hit our children.  We don’t have to yell often.   But for some reason, Jay can cook spaghetti, alone in the kitchen, where I always have both children under my feet when I’m trying to make a ham sandwich.  Jay can sit on the couch and read for 2 hours and I can’t sit on the toilet for 2 seconds without interruption.  How does he *DO* that?  His secret is like the Holy Grail.  I ask Jay, and he only offers up this pithy adage of advice: “I don’t know, tell them to leave you alone.”

    Oh Silly ME!  Yes!  Tell them to leave me alone.  So simple! Of course, saying that had the total and utter opposite effect.  In fact, let’s add a definition:

    c: the act of doing exactly the opposite of what the mother says, especially if the mother is trying to employ phrases the father uses.

    The Final Frontier

    So, when it comes to the kids, I’m Jimmy Carter and my husband is Ronald Reagan?  I don’t think so.  Jay is a bleeding heart pile of mush when it comes to the kids.  He loves them and shows it.  And I’m no wimp, either.  My Commander Riker voice can be pretty intimidating; I’ve gotten a rep with my kids’ friends as being strict.  The Mommy is just one of those mysteries of the universe.  Like gravity and stars and US tax codes, there’s no hope for understanding it.  Kids act differently for moms and dads, just as they do for teachers, grandparents, doctors or ice cream truck drivers.

    Dads, do us moms a favor:  Accept that The Mommy happens and it’s unavoidable.  Give us a break and bite your lip next time you want to give us advice.  Instead, hold your ear up to the front window and say “Is that the ice cream truck I hear?”  That should give us just enough time to pee.

    Amplify

    Why Am I More Competitive Than My Kids?

     

    A Pa's Trophy

    "A Pa's Trophy"

    Last week, my son and twin daughters each received either first place or runner-up awards for their fourth and first grade read-a-thons. Sure, they’ve won ribbons and certificates before, but those “awards” were simply for showing up and following directions. These read-a-thon awards were my kids’ first wins for concerted effort in competition. When I heard the news, I was excited, and pressed the kids for details.

    And pressed…

    And pressed…

    “How did it make you feel?” I asked.

    “Fine,” they said. (In my memory, my kids often speak collectively.)

    “I mean, did they call your names out?”

    “Yes.”

    “And?”

    “And what?”

    “Did you have to stand up? Was there applause?”

    “I think so.”

    “Does it make you feel good to know you did so well?” I knew it was a leading question, but at this point I was desperate.

    “I guess so.”

    I was stunned. It’s not that I needed them to win, but once they did, I wanted them to take some pride in it. Or at least exhibit some thrill in competition. They get more excited about racing shopping carts at Kmart.

    Meanwhile, I’m always jockeying for attention, cheer on sports teams from cities I’ve never been to, and root for American Idol contestants every week as if they were family (Go Adam!… ahem.)

    I’m not taking parenting tips from George Patton, but the real world is a very competitive place — well-populated with Simon Cowells — and I want my children to be prepared.

    My Dad was a top basketball player in his college days. I know this because I used his tarnished trophy bowl to corral my spare change and pocket detritus when I lived in their home. But the lifelong schoolteacher — known during coaching stints as “Howie Basketball” — kept most of his athletic genes to himself. My brother and I were the last kids on the block to ride bikes, the last in camp to float comfortably in water, and the last to cross the finish line in the few local races my Dad optimistically signed us up for.

    While reasonably fit, I still can’t dribble a ball without looking down, or swing determinedly at a softball in a way that won’t embarrass me or tear a ligament. Instead, my brother and I fell into competitive speech and debate in the 6th grade, and stuck with it through high school. And if you think teenagers can’t compete in public speaking events with the same cutthroat ferocity that college hoopsters talk trash during March Madness, then, well, consider yourself schooled. We just wore short ties instead of long shorts.

    When my kids asked to keep some of my debate trophies in their bedrooms about a year ago, I was ecstatic. I knew they just liked the shininess and sheer weight of these plastic-and-marble talismans, but I also thought some of the hard work I poured into earning those trophies would rub off.

    In the end, only the cheap gold plating did.

    To be fair, my kids do show plenty of competitive spirit when they’re pitted against each other in the privacy of our home — we can’t seem to play a round of UNO without someone throwing a teary fit. And forget about SORRY.

    Maybe their competitive divestment is a good thing. I’d like to see my kids spared the debilitating anxiety and crushing defeats that marked my youth. At nine and six, they can still succeed in public by just showing up and paying attention — for that matter, so can parents — so I’ll give them some time…

    At least until next month’s “Battle of the Books

     

    Joel Schwatzberg is a published essayist and author of the forthcoming book “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad”

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    Seventh Time's the Charm?

    DMV Fiasco

    This month marked a milestone for us. My oldest daughter, Brin, received her driving learner permit. It was also memorable for another reason: We tried seven times to get it.

    You might think that the poor dear had difficulty passing the test, but that wasn’t where the problem lied. She passed the test with one try. It was getting our act together that was so problematic – almost as if the entire family was conspiring to prevent this wonderful event from happening.

    The first time – recorded on video no less – we theatrically entered the DMV only to be turned away at the screener. We didn’t have Brin’s social security card. We just assumed we had it. Brin had grabbed the entire binder of personal family documents. Everybody’s social security card was in there except hers.

    DMV - Utah styleInstead of entering the brave new world of adulthood with hands on a steering wheel, Brin experienced the adult world of bureaucracy at the Social Security office. Two hours and two weeks later a crisp new social security card arrived in the mail. We were ready to try it again.

    Unfortunately, a helpful sibling misplaced the card. After ripping our house apart for a few weeks in vain, we trudged back to the Social Security office for a replacement card for the replacement. This time Brin was determined not to let it out of her sight.

    A few days after the second replacement arrived, I picked her up from school and drove over to the DMV. Only trouble? She didn’t have the card on her. It was securely stashed at home.

    The fourth attempt a week or so later was uneventful due to the fact that they were closed.

    The fifth attempt was also fruitless. Apparently, the DMV requires the supervising adult to have a valid drivers license. Mine was completely valid, but it was in my pants back home.

    So far, one could lay the blame for these goof ups on my typically disorganized shoulders, but the sixth attempt wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t late to the DMV. I had my pants on, especially the ones containing my drivers license, and we had all the relevant documents. My daughter was beginning to get excited. For the first time we made it through the screener. Number in hand, she anxiously awaited her turn to present her documents and request a test. Then she received a crushing blow: the birth certificate we had was not an original.

    Both of us were flabbergasted. We were certain the original had been in there. A frantic phone call to Mum later and we discovered that she had been so concerned about the loss of the original social security card that she had removed the original birth certificate and secured it someplace else.

    Instead of sulking or ranting (albeit justifiably) as Brin had done with the previous attempts, she began to laugh. Up until this point I had been the only one finding the humor in our own personal sitcom. Now it was her turn.

    The return to the DMV the next day was almost uneventful compared to how the previous six times had gone. All documents in order, we made it through the screener and then the agent. My girl was allowed to take her test and she passed handily. Soon a learner permit was issued and we walked out into the warm Utah day.

    Even for a family as disorganized as mine, this was an unusual event. I’m glad that I was able to help Brin learn to laugh at the situation. It was pretty farcical. Now I wonder how she’ll react when I tell her the car’s unregistered.

    Just kidding.

    Finally! v.2

    Douglas Cootey is a married, full time dad raising four girls in the Salt Lake Valley of Utah who has long ago overcome his aversion to the color Pink. Douglas blogs about overcoming AD/HD & Depression with humor & pluck over at the award winning The Splintered Mind.  He also co-produces a podcast with his 17 year old daughter. The random thoughts of his addled mind can be found at DouglasCootey and SplinteredMind over on Twitter.

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    Lessons learned on the pitch

    Open the trunk of my car and in about three seconds you’ll know. Inside are a gigantic mesh bag of soccer balls, boxes of spare uniforms, and scads of orange cones, air pumps, roster sheets, and all the other impedimenta of youth soccer.

     

    Yes, I am a soccer coach. Twice over, actually, as I coach two of my kids’ teams. I am also president of our local youth soccer league, a job that gets passed down with all the pomp and circumstance associated with electing a new pope (and one that, like the pope, you’re stuck with until you die).

     

    Historically speaking, it has always fallen to dads to coach their kids’ sports teams. Not to say that moms don’t get involved – they do, and in a big way – but most of the time, in my experience, it’s the dad who takes on the role of coach. And that’s not a bad thing at all. It’s good for us to get involved with our kids this way, and it probably keeps us out of more trouble than we know.

     

    I have been coaching one youth sport or another (soccer, tee ball, baseball, etc.) for more than a decade, and in that time I’ve managed to learn a few things. These, I think, are the three most important:

     

    (1) IT AIN’T ABOUT YOU, COACH

    There is power in being a coach. Granted, it’s power over a bunch of grade-schoolers, but it’s power, nonetheless. When I am holding that clipboard or blowing my whistle, I am King of All I Survey. Fourth-graders cower in my presence. Young girls in pink soccer jerseys and plastic shin guards perform wind sprints at my very command. For that one-hour practice or game, I am all-powerful.

     

    And yet – I’m just being honest here – no one is especially impressed, nor should they be. Donating your time to coach your kid’s team is an admirable thing, honorable even. But if you don’t make sure it’s all about the kids, then you’ve failed. If practices and games aren’t fun for the players, you haven’t done your job. If you’ve made it ALL about winning and losing and stroking your ego as Mr. Undefeated Little League Coach, you’ve fallen short of the mark.

     

    Speaking of which…

     

     

    (2) LOOK AWAY FROM THE SCOREBOARD

    Kids get into sports because they enjoy them. They’re fun. Structure and rules are good things, don’t get me wrong, but unless you’re a Romanian gymnast (and even if you are, come to think of it), no adult should be teaching an 8-year-old to measure success and failure by how much they win or lose.

     

    Unlike some, I have no problem with the idea of keeping score in youth athletics. Being exposed to competition at an early age is a healthy thing, I think. What’s NOT healthy, however, is an over-emphasis on the final score. Acknowledge it when the other team wins, maybe even mention a few things you could have done better or differently. And then praise the kids for their effort, their hustle, their well-pressed uniforms…whatever. For every bit of criticism you offer, you should give out five items of praise.

     

     

    (3) LIFE LESSONS ARE IMPORTANT

    You know how, when you first became a parent, people warned you that your kids would watch you like hawks, and that your example would be one of the primary factors in shaping their values and character? Yeah, well, it turns out the same holds true for youth athletes. They take their cues from you, coach. If you yell at the ref, they’re going to assume it’s OK for them to yell at the ref, too. If you yank a player from the game and berate her for making a mistake, they’ll start criticizing their teammates. If you throw tantrums after a loss, they’ll become that pariah of the American sports experience – the sore loser.

     

    Look, it’s not like you’re grooming these kids for the pros, right? I mean, I’ve coached hundreds of kids over the years in various sports, and I think I can safely say that not one of them will become a professional athlete. So what do they take from their time on the soccer field or the little league diamond? It’s all the corny stuff you may never think about, but things that should be the cornerstones of your approach to coaching: teamwork, discipline, dedication, etc.

     

    Whatever Charles Barkey might say, you ARE a role model. And a more important one than you may realize. Teach the fundamentals of the game, yes, but more importantly, consider the example you set each time you step onto the field with those kids. You owe them (and their parents, who shelled out a hundred bucks for little Johnny to play) no less than that.

     

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    Mrs Dude's Boob Fund – The Ultimate Mother's Day Project

    Hi, I’m Hugh from Dude to Dad, and I need your help on the greatest Mother’s Day project I’ve ever been a part of. Now I’ve been a part of some epic Mother’s Day projects, but what I’m about to share with you leaves all of them in the dust.

    To see what I’m talking about, check out this video on Dude to Dad’s YouTube channel. Although the video tells the story best, there’s also more information in the post below.

    My wife, Amy, who I often refer to as Mrs. Dude, will be celebrating her first Mother’s Day on May 10th. We welcomed our first daughter…first child actually, Emerson Victoria, into the world on March 29th.

    Mother’s Day is a challenging day for Amy and this first one will probably be especially hard. When Amy’s mom Vicki was pregnant with her, they found that she had breast cancer. Her mom was told several times during the pregnancy that if she didn’t terminate the pregnancy, she wouldn’t beat the cancer. But, in a display of the strength (and stubbornness) that she eventually passed along to her daughter, Vicki refused to terminate the pregnancy. Accepting the reality of the road that lay before her, she refused to give up her daughter and doctors performed some of the first cancer operations ever attempted on a pregnant woman. After Amy was born in March of 1980, Vicki fought the cancer aggressively for a full year, but she passed away the day after Mother’s Day 1981.

    Great story, Hugh, but what can I do to help? Well, I want to raise some real money for cancer research and for families affected by breast cancer. Its Mother’s Day for goodness sake. We all have a mother. Many of us have a wife. Some of us have a daughter. I can’t imagine anything more important than these women in my life. When I was bouncing around this idea, someone suggested raising $30,000 – one thousand dollars for every year of Vicki Hyde’s life…so that’s our goal.

    If you have the means and motivation, give whatever you can. This money will be well-used and will do great things for the people who need it most.

    We’ll keep you updated through the Dude to Dad website, the Dude to Dad Twitter account and the Dude to Dad Facebook fan page. I can’t thank you enough for watching, so please forward on the link to someone you know and let’s watch this project grow, spread, and help change lives.

     

    Hugh Weber is a dude (& Ford Fiesta Agent @fiestahugh), dad (@dudetodad) and digital dreamer (@deepbench) committed to a mantra of “Work. Play. Do Good.” Follow him at dudetodad.com or thedeepbench.com or somewhere else on the social media landscape!

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    Easter Haul

    The Haul

    My granddaughters visited over Easter weekend. This is them with their Sunday morning haul of candy and gifts. Yes, it might seem excessive, but to see the excitement on their faces and here it in their voices is such a reward.

    Interestingly enough, their parents were on board with the the candy part, even if it meant a Sunday morning sugar rush. Sometimes it’s okay.

    Hope you and yours had a great Easter if that’s what you celebrate. If not, perhaps you had a good day of enjoying family and friends.

    Cheers,
    Todd

    Todd Jordan is a programmer, blogger, social media bard, and most importantly father and grandfather. He writes primarily at The Broad Brush or you can find him on Twitter.

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    When I'm On the Road and Wishing I Was Home

    My job doesn’t require a lot of travel. Now and again, though, I have to hop into a rented car and head off into the world, leaving home and family behind.  Recently this happened for the first couple of times since my daughter was old enough to really notice and be bothered by it.  She’s five, and we’re close.

    I couldn’t tell you what the commercial is advertising, but before I left on the first of my two recent trips, I saw a man on TV who had a small stuffed animal with him that he photographed along the way on his trip.  My daughter loves Webkinz, so before I left on the first trip, I stopped off at the local Hallmark and picked up a rabbit.

    Just as the man on the commercial did, I carried the silly thing with me everywhere.  I photographed it on computers, at McDonalds, on a forklift, and all over.  I called regularly, but I think it was the e-mails sent through her mother with pictures of this rabbit that she had yet to meet – that was watching out for her Daddy – and that gave us a connection we might not otherwise have had – that kept her smiling and her spirits high.

    I don’t know how many of you have tried to talk and communicate on the phone with small children, but it can be awkward, and less than satisfying.  With the rabbit to talk about, the e-mails to discuss, we had laughter, and smiles, and when I got home both Daddy and the rabbit got a lot of hugs.

    Sometimes it’s the simple things that matter most.

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    Swaddle Blanket Conspiracy?

    Last night I came across my daughter’s swaddle blanket as I was cleaning up. It brought back some great memories, especially because my friend Brad and his wife are expecting their first born any minute.

    I remembered that my son’s blanket was identical, and it got me thinking. I was inspired enough to put a video on Seesmic asking a question: Did your baby have the same swaddle blanket at the hospital?

    Swaddle Blanket Conspiracy

    Swaddle Blanket Conspiracy

    So far the replies and tweets I’ve received have confirmed that babies born in Chicago, Nashville and New York also had the same blankets. Both of my kids were born in Toronto.

    Did you have the same blanket? If so, where was your child born? I wonder if this is the same internationally. Is this a swaddle blanket conspiracy?

    Amplify

    Creating and archiving tweets about your kids

    By Bryan Person

    Photo of my kids

    Looking for an easy way to capture and chronicle moments in your children’s lives, even when, like me, you don’t have the discipline to either round up those stories regularly on a blog or jot down thoughts in a baby book?

    Consider creating a parent-controlled Twitter feed for each of your kids, as I’ve done for Amani (2) and Viola (14). I keep my two feeds private and share updates only with a handful of close family members on Twitter, but the system plays right into my daily workflow (i.e., lots of time on Twitter).

    I routinely tweet from my iPhone, using a nifty app called Tweetie that enables posting to multiple accounts. For my kids, I can publish, say, the latest addition to my two-year-old son’s growing vocabulary in one update, and then painlessly switch accounts and tweet a note on my newest daughter’s dance routine (I can hear her working on some new moves just outside my office door)

    Export private tweets to Google Reader via FreeMyFeed

    And imagining the day in 2011 when I’ll want to know exactly when Amani said the word “slippery” for the very first time (it was yesterday, for the record), I’m also also storing and archiving every tweet in Google Reader, which features powerful search functionality.

    I needed a workaround when I first added the feeds, though, because Google Reader doesn’t read private RSS feeds directly. Enter FreeMyFeed, a free service that “free[s] your feed from authentication or invalid SSL certificates for use in the feed reader of your choice.”

    FreeMyFeed.com

    I encourage you to copy the idea, and would love to hear from you if you do!

    Amplify

    What matters most?

    My eldest daughter has Shirley Temple golden curls and a winsome smile. She’s the kind that often garners comments from strangers like, “You have such a beautiful daughter.” And of course, as a father, I glow with delight. But that glowing has gotten me thinking. What do I want most for my daughter? And what am I communicating to her about the value of physical beauty?

    Upwards of ninety percent of parents, when polled, say that they want their children to have integrity. And I’d count myself in the vast majority here. I want my daughter to be honest and virtuous. But what attention do I give to her character on a daily basis? Do I commend her honesty more often than I tell her she’s cute? Do I care more about the condition of her heart than how she looks when we walk out of the house together? Does the way that I discipline her inspire and demand honesty, or does it encourage her to hide her tracks?

    It is easy, “on paper”, to list my values and priorities for my children. But if an anthropologist was to observe our family for a week, would she or he observe the same list . . . and in the same order?

    If you, like me, count yourself among those who prize integrity, how do you show your kids that it is far more valuable than how they look, or perform?

    Graham Scharf is a father of two, and co-founder of Tumblon.com. He blogs at Essential Questions and produces a podcast interview series for parents of young children. You can follow him on Twitter @tumblondad.

    Amplify

    Hard Times Are Coming to Your Dad

    As I was dropping my son off at school (about two hours late – he has a variety of special needs which I’ll discuss later), I said, “I’ll probably be home when you get home.” His immediate response, as he moved on down the hall with his tardy slip, was, “Why?”

    “Why,” indeed. I’m not usually home when he gets home because I’m usually at work. As “fate” would have it, however, I got laid off last week along with a sizeable chunk of my co-workers (I don’t generally think of people in chunks, btw). I have not yet told him or his younger brother about this, so I said, “I’ll probably just be home.”

    My son is 9 and, as I mentioned, has a variety of special needs (mainly a combo of mood disorder and pervasive developmental disorder). One result is that change makes him anxious. The main reason for school refusal this AM, for example, was Daylight Savings Time; “I want 6 back,” he lamented at 7. Later, discussing the morning on the way to school he said, “I like everything to be the same.”

    Personally, I’ve always subscribed to the Heraclitean “All is flux” school of philosophy (although I’m a creature of relentless habit – go figure). I also tend towards the Franklinian (?) “Honesty is the best policy” camp. Nevertheless, I strive to protect and shield him from the abrupt and sometimes harsh fluctuations of reality even as they put me through some drastic changes.

    He’s gonna figure out that something’s up sooner or later. Do I gild the lily, or just be matter of fact about it: “I’m not working right now but I’m getting things together.”

    What did you do when hard times came to you (or you dad)?

    Image courtesy of Believe Collective.

    Amplify

    Tweet Your Kids #2

    In Tweet Your Kids, I wrote “Ever think ‘I should write that down’ when your child says something funny?”

    I use Twitter for that. Here’re some Tweet-worthy comments from my boys.

    Seven-year-old Zachary

    The Momma: “Zachary got his first cup today.” Zach: “I don’t want to get hit in the wiener.”

    Zach dropped a candy in the car, asked for another. When he dropped that one too, he said, “I guess I won’t be having that one either!”

    Was telling Zach about how wolves were the monsters of their day + could snatch a child. Zach: “What, they had thumbs?

    Proud of Zach talking back to the commercial about something ‘free.’ “No, not free! It’s an advertisement. They want your money.”

    Zach prays, thanks God for his name. Why? “Because w/o a name, everyone would just be, like, ‘hello…?’”

    Dad playing an online game, losing, saying, “I’ll never win.” Zach: “You’ve got to believe in yourself.”

    I know why the Tooth Fairy leaves money. It’s b/c fairies are so tiny that my tooth looks like a brick they can use to build walls.”

    Zach: “Write something on Twitter!” Dad: “I don’t have anything to say.” Zach: “Write about your armpit.”

    Dad (trying to figure out a Cracker Jack prize): “They make these difficult to understand.” Zach: “Do as much as you can and give it to Mom.”

    Dad: “Zach, did you have breakfast?” Zach: “I had some bread while I taught Lukey about stocks.”

    Zach on diarrhea: “I pooped in my pants and it melted.”

    Five-year-old Lucas

    Thank you, God, for foodness so we can put it in our mouths.”

    “Daddy, I’m dressed!” Dad: “That’s excellent! Your shirt’s on backwards.”

    “When I get big I’m going to punish someone!”

    “Um, Daddy? Momma took the fish and put him in the potty.”

    “Momma gave me this new phone! And now it’s going to get old.”

    Lukey’s idea about how to change a light bulb: “Dad, you just put Momma on your back so she can reach it.”

    “Dad! Don’t videotape me! Just do your work, would you?!”

    Wearing my robe, drove 5yo Lucas to his carpool. “Dad, are you going to get changed? I don’t want them to laugh at my Dad!”

    “Momma, are those your chesties? Are they your private parts?”

    Lukey: “Dad, where are you?” Dad: “I’m at work. I have to get the money.” Lukey: “Oh, OK. I’ll see you tonight.”

    The Momma: “Lukey, be careful with the ornaments!” Lukey: “I’ll be so a lot of careful!”

    I get a lot of comments from engaged followers. Give it a try.

    :: Joe Hage ::

    Other posts from Joe Hage:

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #2

    Tweet Your Kids

    Emploment Opprotunities

    Amplify

    Overzealous Parents, Sports And The Awful Truth

    I spent 11 years as a public relations person for college athletics teams. It was a great gig. I traveled around the country keeping statistics and writing about sports. The coaches and players were my friends and I got to be a part of a team far past the time I could actually play.

    So I was naturally excited when my three-year-old son, Grant, had his first organized sporting event last month. He is playing YMCA basketball. The first practice was very satisfying for me as Grant made six out of 10 shots (far better than anyone on the team) and generally listened to his coaches. He needs to work on his dribbling and bounce passes, but he’s three. He’s got time.

    I wont force him to play. I will force him to root for my alma mater. Heh.

    I won't force him to play. I will force him to root for my alma mater. Heh.

    A week later the first real game was scheduled and a couple of boys who weren’t at the practice session showed up. One of them was a tad taller than Grant and was making several shots during the warm-up. I was excited. If the team had two good shooters, we would outscore the other teams with ease, though in three-year-old ball, they don’t really keep score. Timmy (name changed to protect the innocent) was hitting shots from 10 feet out, had great form and hustled after rebounds. Even at three-years-old, you knew the kid had some potential.

    But Timmy was very timid and kept looking toward the crowd after each shot. He would put his fingers to his mouth like he was nervous and ready to bite his nails. He had a look on his face like he was afraid of something.

    I shrugged it off as just a three-year-old. When I met up with my wife after (I was helping coach down on the floor and snapping pictures with my iPhone), I figured out what Timmy’s problem was.

    “You should have heard the people behind me,” my wife said. “They were yelling at their son the whole time, like he was in college. ‘Rebound,’ ‘Shoot the ball!’ They were awful. At one point, the grandmother said, ‘Well, it appears Timmy’s playing like a big sissy today.’ Can you believe that?”

    Unfortunately, I could. One of the down sides of working with college athletics over the years is having to deal with a small portion of college athlete’s parents. Timmy’s parents. They force their children into a sport, then force them to practice, never accepting failure and always drilling perfection into them. Whether it’s transferal of what they wished they had done or unreasonable hopes the child will become the next Michael Jordan or Derek Jeter or Mia Hamm, they hammer their kids with relentless criticism and cruelty.

    Perhaps the worst example I encountered in my time was a college softball player’s father who insisted on arguing my rulings as the official scorekeeper for the team’s home games. He was so incensed at one play I called an error which he thought should be a fielder’s choice and thus help his daughter’s Earned Run Average, he accosted me in the press box during the game. His poor daughter routinely apologized for his behavior to which I always replied, “You don’t owe me an apology for him. I know he’s nuts.”

    Sadly, most of these parents don’t realize they’re being such animals. They love their kids more than anything and think that driving them to succeed will somehow make them better people. They’re blind to the reality that they are behaving poorly and setting horrible examples for their children. I don’t know what to say to Timmy’s parents or grandparents. He’ll probably play too aggressive one day and I’ll snap and say something to them, but it won’t do any good. They won’t be satisfied even if he winds up getting a full scholarship to play for their favorite college team then makes millions in the NBA. They’ll never be satisfied.

    I know a lot of children of parents like that from my years working with athletes and one truth rings through when thinking about them and Timmy. My son may not play professional sports. He may not get a college scholarship. Heck, he may not even play high school sports. But I’ve got a lot better odds that when he grows up, my son won’t hate me.

    What would you say to Timmy’s parents? Believe me, I’d love to find a way to save the kid from what lies ahead.

    Amplify

    Worst of the Week: Bloomfield Hills Schools – The Final Exam

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    Regular readers will know that I’ve been blogging about the school consolidation the past few weeks. I can now tell you that last night our School Board voted unanimously (7-0) to close two elementary schools – one of which is situated in our subdivision.

    My family and I are saddened that it has come to this. One of the primary factors of purchasing our home, where we did, was because of the school. The kids would be able to ride their bikes and having a school so close would help keep our property value up. But come next fall that will not be the case.

    I said in previous writings, I understand why our school was chosen and that no matter what the parents did some buildings were going to close – it was unavoidable. However, one of the main concerns, for me personally, was the way that the Board was to reconfigure the grades making Elementary K-3 and a Middle 4-8. Thank goodness that’s not the case, at least in our situation. Patrick and Erin’s Elementary will be K-4, and then in Fall 2011, Patrick will be moving on to Middle School where it will be 5-8. I’m actually OK with that. Sure we will have a bit of a struggle going to a new school, but more importantly it gives us a full school year to prep Patrick for Middle School, something that will he definitely need.

    There is still more work to do by the Board, PTO’s, Teacher’s, Administrator’s, and perhaps even City Government. The main motto of the night seemed to be “Staying positive and working together.” That’s easy for some to say, and those people have a better outlook on life than I do at this moment in time, and someday I’ll get there. But for now, right now, I’ve got a big knot in my stomach. My wife and I will do our best to help the kids adjust and we will do everything we can to make sure the transition is as smooth as possible.

    I love my neighborhood and my school, but I woke up today and it felt like I living in a whole different place.

    Amplify

    TWSS: Proper Grammar

    Ever parent has special moments, sayings, or routines that they do with their child.  I have several in place with my daughter, Danni.  These instances are fun and make you smile internally and externally.  Then one day you turn around and the little baby is a toddler and your turn around again and she is a kid.  This is the sotry of one of those time.

    Ever since Danni could first speak, she has always been inquisitive.  Her first phrase was “What’s that?”  I always answered with what it was.  I believe that is how she learned.  The other question, she always asked was “Daddy, wha-cha doing?”

    She would sing it.  That is what made it special.  I would sing back either what I was doing like “Driving you to school”  or “Loving you.”  She really got a kick out of the “Loving you.”

    The other night, the whole family was sitting in the living room watching T.V.  Dnani was in her mommy lap and I was sprawled out on the couch.

    Danni said, “Daddy wha-cha doing?” but didn’t sing it.

    I replied, “I am not going to tell you unless you ask correctly.”

    Danni: “What ARE you doing?”

    My heart broke.  It was the end of an era.  I looked at my wife and Chelsea said, “I didn’t teach her that.”  I looked at Danni, a little sadly, and said, “Watching T.V.  What are you doing?”

    Danni: “Loving you!”

     

    Previous TWSS:

    Disney Would Be Proud

    Day After Inaugration

    I Do, I Do

    Let Me Ask You A Question

    The Drawer

    Christmas Lights

    She Sings

    Santa

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find my almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    Winners of the ProFlowers Giveaway!

    Thanks to everyone that entered the first Dad-o-matic giveaway which featured Flowers from ProFlowers.
    All of the entries were dropped into a hat and the following five names were pulled out randomly. The winners will need to contact me before midnight Tuesday night to claim their prize (Paisano@Dadomatic.com). In the event that a winner fails to contact in time, we will pull another name from the hat to receive the prize.

    Congratulations to:

    Sue S

    Paul

    Ryan

    Xadrian

    Natali

    Thanks to everyone for taking part in this contest! We hope you all stick around for many more to come plus all of the excellent blog posts from our dads. We wish everyone a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

    Note: ProFlowers has just informed us that they are now offering a special deal: Free vase and 20% off! Just click this link.

    Paisano

    Amplify

    Worst of the Week: The Bloomfield School District In A Nutshell

    Welcome to my regular Friday feature, Worst of the Week. As a white, suburbanite husband and dad of two kids, there’s a lot that can go wrong and this entry is all about how to fix it. I hope you enjoy it!

    A few weeks back I wrote about our school system and the closings that have to take place due to declining enrollment. Our neighborhood school, Hickory Grove, is on the chopping block, but the final decision has not been made; it’s due Feb 12th.

    This past week another public meeting was held and a number of parents came out in support of ne options including different school configurations, closings and redistricting – the latter of which is not being discussed seriously.

    With that in mind, I give you a home video that was posted on YouTube that sums up our situation. I do not know who the speaker is, nor do I know who shot the video.

    The Bloomfield school district in a nutshell

    Amplify

    Fox in Sox and Runny Babbit – Kid's Books

    (with a nod to Shel Silverstein and Dr. Seuss)

    Currently, one of the greatest pleasures in my life is reading stories to my five year old daughter, Katie. One of the things that make this fun is the work of some very clever authors. My two personal favorites are Dr. Seuss, and Shel Silverstein. I’m not as familiar with Shel’s other works, but any parent who has come up against the formidable task of reading “Runny Babbit” to their child knows the evil of which I speak.

    “Runny Babbit had a hurple pat,” of course, means “Bunny Rabbit had a purple hat”. That’s pretty straight forward. Then try reading the page where the waiter tells Runny Babbit all the specials of the day, and do so without pulling out any hair, asking your child if they don’t really want to read a Sesame Street book, or running screaming into the night. The other thing standing in your way, of course, is maniacal, uncontrollable laughter. The first time I read “Runny Babbit” with most of the family in the room, it killed. It does get old over time, particularly when your children start trushing their beeth with pooth taste and you have to figure out what the heck they’re talking about.

    Fortunately I don’t consider this a problem; it’s a measure of what this post is really about — the power of words. Some people have magic in their rhymes and nonsense, while others attempting the same jibber jabber manage only to frustrate or irritate readers. When my daughter asked me to put pooth taste on her toothbrush, I had an epiphany. Her mind had been altered. She’d managed to take the story I read her and apply the logic to her own words, coming up with a line altered just as Mr. Silverstein would have done it, and at age three. How many books have you read in your life that gave you such a dynamic, mental shift?

    How many of you can recite at least a part of one book by Dr. Seuss without really giving it any thought? Apply that same question to other books you read, and other authors, and I’m willing to bet that it’s more difficult to find quotes that stuck with you as long, or as well, or that come as easily to the tongue.

    Another point is the level of difficulty in reading these books aloud. I can tell you that, when I was still in the US Navy and had a bunch of friends over for a party one night, I got them all to try reading passages from “Fox in Socks,” and it wasn’t pretty. I could do it, though, and I still can. In fact, I can read it about twice as fast as most people I’ve met, and change voices as I go, because I’ve practiced. This has come in handy more than once when asked to read something unfamiliar or technical aloud, because I’ve trained my tongue to respond under duress.  I think it’s like typing words that aren’t words as a typing exercise. You have to concentrate on exactly what is in front of you – if you try to think ahead you stumble over what you believe it should say and misinterpret what it actually does say.

    “I can’t say such flibber flubber, my tongue isn’t made of rubber”

    Indeed, Mr. Knox, sir, but mine apparently is.

    The magic of word puzzles and rhymes is truly mystical. I don’t know what makes one attempt work so well, and another fall flat, when they seem similar in style, structure, and even content, but whatever that factor is — it exists. It makes children and adults smile. It sticks in the memory and latches on to the funny bone with sharp hooks. It gives me more pleasure to read some finely tuned children’s rhymes than any ten good novels can provide, and I can read them again and again without losing all the magic – another feat that prose seldom accomplishes for me (though on occasion I run into someone like Coleridge, or Poe, or Byron that can make me read and mumble and mutter verse over and over until people beg me to stop). I am hoping, along with enjoying the children’s rhymes we share, that the father-daughter readings will contribute to an interest in poetry and reading on Katie’s part, but if not, I’ll know she still remembers not to eat Green Eggs and Ham on a train or on a plane, in a box or with a fox, she does not like them, Sam, you see, so go away and let her be. And miracle of miracles, her BROTHER likes to read to her too – same brother who used to hate to read for any other reason.  Now he reads long novels for pleasure.  Maybe the magic is in Katie, and the rest of it’s all “flibber flubber.”

    Another thing that has haunts me in Dr. Seuss’ universe is the messages thinly veiled in some of his books and stories. The Lorax – who will ever forget him? I actually started (and may complete at some point) a sequel to this to try and follow what our society would have done with the characters after the Onceler chased them out of town. Here is a short snippet of what I had in mind…

    They clean out the sewers, the rivers and ponds,
    And invest what they earn in cheap government bonds,
    They clean up the garbage in big yellow boots,
    In their hazmat resistable barbaloot suits

    The Swanee Swans never go swimming these days,
    They once found it fun, but they’re changing their ways,
    They all work in factories cranking out thneeds,
    From synthesized cloth that is woven from weeds

    They aren’t warm, they aren’t comfy, they scratch and they smell,
    But the Thneed sellers say they are doing quite well,
    When the thneeds with white beads fail, they sew on black collars,
    And raise up their prices a couple of dollars

    The Lorax enlisted with liberal glee
    In the left-wing extreme of far fiddle-de-dee
    A place that is farther than most folks will go
    Just to hear the poor Lorax expound on their woe
    ____________________________________

    …. You get the idea…but that is too depressing…

    In honor of this off-the-wall topic, I’m going to add in one of my own works with a more positive spin — one that evolved from my love of Seuss. I hope, one day, to figure out the oddball market of children’s books and do something with it.

    This one is one of two that I wrote a few years back for my son Billy. I’ve written others for my other children, and a few that are just for me. This one is actually available in a beautiful art print suitable for framing and illustrated by the talented Mr. Keith Minnion…I have framed copies for Katie when she’s old enough to appreciate them.

    The Eliphajaunt

    By Wave Dilson

    A Boy and an elephant both went out,
    One with a football, the other a snout
    As long as a boa constrictor, and grey,
    To the field by the river to frolic and play

    The boy threw the football quite high in the air,
    And he caught it again, as it fell back from there,
    While the elephant wandered a little behind,
    They were out for a jaunt, it was time to unwind

    And again with the football clutched tight in his hand,
    The boy flicked his wrist like a taut rubber band
    And the ball took off flying up up, and away,
    And he reached out to catch it the very same way

    That he’d caught it a hundred and ten times before,
    And expected to catch it just that one time more
    But his hand came up empty, the air was the same,
    Something was very much wrong with his game.

    For a ball that goes up as we all understand,
    Cannot stay, it goes upward, and then it must land
    So he spun in a circle and stared at the sky,
    And he asked his friend elephant, “Do you know why?”

    I have tossed up my football quite high in the air
    But it did not fall down, and I’m wondering where
    It could be, for you see, it is not in the sky,
    And it’s not on the ground, and I’m wondering why

    It is not in my hand where it landed before,
    And the elephant couldn’t stand one second more
    Of his secret and lifted his long, long grey snout
    And he swished it around and he twirled it about

    And the boy saw his football, caught snug as can be
    In the trunk of the elephant, tall as a tree
    And the elephant laughed, and he tossed the ball high,
    So it sailed so far up it was lost in the sky

    And though it flew higher than ever before,
    The ball fell back to Earth, the boy caught it once more
    And the boy and the elephant went on their way,
    They continued their jaunt, and enjoyed the bright day.

    Amplify

    Sponsored Post: $70 Flower Gift Certificate Giveaway

    The following post is a sponsored post, brought to you by ProFlowers. The opinions are my own.

    Just in time for Valentine’s Day, ProFlowers has given Dad-o-matic five $70 gift codes for our readers. We could have setup some elaborate contest for you to qualify to win one of these gifts but decided to make it rather quick and easy. All you have to do is subscribe to our blog (which we hope you’ve already done) and leave a comment to this post with your email address. That’s it. We will pick the five winners randomly. The contest will run from 2/2 thru 2/9. The code must be used by March 1, 2009.

    Important Note: Also, the codes will only work for residents of the United States. However, if the winner lives outside the USA they could still have flowers delivered to anyone they want that does live in the USA.

    The preceding was a sponsored post. The opinions contained within are my own, and reflect my beliefs. For more information about ProFlowers, go to ProFlowers. For more on our disclosure policies, read more here.

    Amplify

    The Dating Game

    It seems every father of a daughter, when she is born, has some joke about never letting her date until she’s 30 years old. Whether it involves standing on the front porch with a shotgun to keep boys away or sending our little girl to a convent when she turns 13, the urge to protect our daughters from the advances of hormone-laden teenage boys is pretty well universal. 

    And even if we don’t come out and say it, we’re all thinking the same thing: “I don’t care how nice a guy he is. I know the way MY mind worked at that age, and it wasn’t good.”

    Well, I’m living the dream these days, fellas. My oldest daughter, Elissa, acquired her first real boyfriend a few months ago at the tender age of almost 15. And darn it, the thing is, he really IS a nice kid. I like Dylan a lot. He’s polite, he’s funny, and he treats her really well.

    But there’s just no escaping the reality of a teenage boy. I know what Dylan’s thinking because I thought it, too. I know the urges he’s feeling because I felt them, too. And often when I see them together, my overriding thought is, “Get away from my daughter, you filthy-minded dirtbag!”

    Now I know a lot of parents have strict rules about their kids – girls AND boys – not dating until they reach a certain age, often 16 or 17. And I certainly understand that. But at the same time, Elissa is a good kid…absolute straight-A student, in the band, a lot of extracurricular activities, etc. She’s also very involved at our church and in our youth group, and there’s no doubt in my mind she knows right from wrong. Dylan, too, is active in his church, and his parents are great people whom I like very much.

    And there’s also the inescapable reality that my wife and I started going out at roughly the same age Elissa and Dylan are now – we were about a year older – so it’s not like we can play the “If It Was Good Enough For Me To Wait Until I Was Older to Start Dating Then It’s Good Enough for You” card.

    And then of course there’s the whole thing about being the most important guy in my daughter’s universe. When Elissa was born, I was in newspaper journalism and worked nights. My wife also worked at the time, but she had a regular 9-to-5 shift, so I was the one who was with Elissa all day when she was a baby. As a result, we’ve always had a tight bond.

    And suddenly here comes this little punk suddenly taking up inordinate amounts of my daughter’s time? I know it’s a natural part of growing up, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

    I guess what matters most is that my wife and I trust Elissa…or at least, we trust her as much as a parent should responsibly trust a 15-year-old. We always keep tabs on where she is and where she’s going, and to the extent possible, we minimize situations where she and Dylan are alone. Whenever he comes over, Elissa knows she’s not to take him anywhere in the house that’s deserted (which is a challenge anyway, considering the fact that seven of us live here). Teenagers who want to be alone will always find a time and place for it, but we’re being as vigilant as we can in that department.

    Still, in the end, there’s a part of me deep down that wonders whether I should take a trip to Wal-Mart and visit the sporting goods section….ya know, just to check out the prices of shotguns these days.

    Amplify

    TWSS: Disney would be proud

    A couple of weeks ago, we had to buy some shoes for Danni.  Danni is now old enough that she wants to pick her own shoes.  She is HUGE fan of the Disney Princesses and Tinkerbell.  Target had some Disney Princess and Dora shoes in her size on clearance.  She went with the Disney Princess ones.

    “Daddy, I love them!”

    Right about this time, I jumped in to my DeLorean, raced up to 88 miles an hours, and went to the year 2024.

    “Daddy, I love him”

    Oh boy, I’m in trouble.

    So being the quick wit I am, I decided to test her.  “Really, you love them.  What are their names?”

    “That’s Cinderella, That’s Sleeping Beauty, That’s Snow White, and ummm…what’s her names?”

    Got her. “Well if you don’t know that is The Little Mermaid and that’s Beauty than you can’t get the shoes.”

    “Oh! Daddy so silly. That’s Ariel and that’s Bell.”

    She got the shoes.

    Previous TWSS:

    Day After Inaugration

    I Do, I Do

    Let Me Ask You A Question

    The Drawer

    Christmas Lights

    She Sings

    Santa

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find my almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    Still Just a Dad

    The Bush twins wrote a beautiful letter for the Obama girls filled with wonderful advice on how to make the most of their childhood in the Whitehouse and most of all to always remember who their dad really is. Right now everything is incredibly positive and everyone loves their daddy but there will be rough waters and stormy weather in the years ahead of them. People who once praised their father will criticize him and attack his decisions and mental capabilities and even his character. Still, despite it all, the Bush girls remind Obama’s daughters to never lose sight of their real daddy.

    It’s such a amazing message for us all. With all of the hatred aimed toward President Bush as he left office, it seems as if people have forgotten that he is, after all, human and a beloved father. We tend to forget that these public figures have families and friends that feel the sting whenever the media or the public ridicule them. At the end of the day, like him or not, even the President of the United States of America is still just a dad.

    Amplify

    Quote of the Month

    I should explain. Firstly, please permit me to introduce Beetle, 9 weeks old and the latest arrival at Dungeekin Towers.

    Now, I have a game I play with Dungeekin Minor when he stays with us at weekends – with much growling, I tell him I’m going to ‘eat his ears’. Cue screaming, laughter and chasing around the living room.

    Anyway, we collected the boys on Friday and, as you can imagine, both dog and toddler were utterly smitten with each other on first sight. Minor plonked himself on the floor (first mistake) and Beetle, seeing a playmate of similar maturity, insisted on playing – and before we could get him under control, leaped up and had a nip at the dangly things on the side of Minor’s head.

    Thankfully no blood was shed, but Minor was a bit surprised and shocked by the whole experience. He turned to The Darling G and I and, bottom lip a-quiver, said:

    “But….but…only Daddy’s allowed to eat my ears!”

    Little boys and puppies – the perfect combination.

    Amplify

    TWSS: Day After Inauguration

    A couple of months ago, Danni started retaining information.  This does not seem like a big deal but it is.  This went beyond her name and age.  Danni can hold conversations.  Although sometimes she has a little attitude attached with it.

    A common question Danni gets is her name and age.  Most of the time, people who ask this are complete strangers.  A lot of cashiers ask it at the register to pass time while we are checking out the groceries.

    Cashier: “Oh aren’t you a pretty girl?”

    Danni takes thumb out of her mouth: “Yes, Maam, Thank you.”  Thumb goes back in.

    The cashier is shocked that a conversation has happened with the pint sized being in the front of the grocery cart.

    Cashier: “What’s your name?”

    Danni thumb comes out: “Danni”

    C: “How old are you?”

    D: “Two”

    C: “Wow she can talk really well.”

    Last Friday, January 16, 2009, we were checking out and the cashier started interacting with Danni.  It started out as it always does.

    C: “Hey pretty girl, what’s your name?”

    D: “Yes, Thank You, Danni, two, July 28, Memphis, TN, Cordova, TN.” Thumb back in.

    The cashier looks puzzled and looks at me or Chelsea for help.  We explain that she just said thank you for the compliment, her name, age, birthday, where she was born, and where she lives.

    C: “Oh well aren’t you a smart girl.  Who’s the president?”

    D: “George Bush.”

    C: “Ha! Nope it’s Barack Obama”

    And this is why I love my girl.

    Danni: “Not yet” Thumb back in.

    UPDATE: I asked Danni the day after the ingauguration who the president is and she said clear as day, “Barack Obama.”

    Previous TWSS:

    I Do, I Do

    Let Me Ask You A Question

    The Drawer

    Christmas Lights

    She Sings

    Santa

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find my almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    The Ultimate Dad Photo From Today's Inauguration

    I saw this photo on the Chicago Tribune‘s Web site today, taken this morning by AP photographer Susan Walsh and couldn’t help but think that of all the heaps of congratulations our new president will get today, as a father, nothing will probably mean more to him than this.

    AP photo by Susan Walsh from www.chicagotribune.com

    Amplify

    Dude to Dad in Chief

    A few months ago, I took some artistic license with a popular online video to create “Dude to Dad (Changing More Than Just Diapers) feat. Barack Obama.” For me, it was a rally cry for a new generation of dads. My hope was was that it might lead to “change” and I thought that was the only thing I shared with President-elect Obama.

    As I sit in my office this morning watching the masses congregate in Washington, I can’t help but think beyond all of the pomp and circumstance. Soon-to-be President Barack Obama signifies many things for many people. For me, in my current life situation, he’s simply another Dad.

    After the flowing speeches and the fancy balls, he returns “home” to his daughters and the same challenges that we all face. Recently, he wrote a letter for his daughters which was printed in Parade magazine.

    Obama writes, “These are the things I want for you—to grow up in a world with no limits on your dreams and no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compassionate, committed women who will help build that world.”

    As I wait for my first child (a girl!) to be born, I have often wished/prayed/hoped for the same things. It seems my President and I may have more in common than I ever realized.

    Hugh Weber is the soon-to-be-dad of a baby girl slated to be released on March 24th. He is a longtime Republican political operative and messaging strategist. You can follow Hugh’s journey to fatherhood at Dude to Dad or join the Dude to Dad community to offer him advice.

    Amplify

    Kids and Pets … a Study in Patience Pays Off

    Our daughter Katie has been through some serious pet angst.  She loves animals, but at the same time she loathes being licked or chased.  She gets along with the cat because the cat requires nothing of her, and she only has to deal with him for a few moments at a time.

    We are animal people, though, and we have dogs.  Katie’s first real dog experience was Rocky.  Rocky was a Malty-Poo – very fuzzy -but very fast and energetic.  She wasn’t quite old enough or strong enough to deal with him, so she pulled back.  We tried repeatedly, but it’s not the kind of thing that can be forced.  We lost Rocky to illness – Katie was as upset as any of us, but I’m not sure they ever would have bonded because she wasn’t ready.

    In November we got Gizmo.  Gizmo is a black and white Pekingese.  Katie held him a few times, but he grew up and now – just like Rocky was – he is fast and nippy.  We thought the whole experiment was going to fail again, but we took a final shot.  We got Rocky a little female dog for a companion.  She’s tiny, and fuzzy, and Katie is bigger.  She is thrilled to hold the puppy, and now is even softening toward Gizmo, who actually laid in her bed with her this evening.

    The lesson learned here is, you can’t force kids and animals to get along. It’s a trial and error process, and you have to be sensitive both to the child’s side of it, and the animal’s side.  If you try to hurry, you might cause a rift between your child and animals that never heals, or takes years to fade.  If you are patient, the lessons a child can learn from the responsibility of caring for a pet, and the unconditional love animals exhibit for their owners will last a lifetime.

    Amplify

    When The News Provides a Teachable Moment

    Today is the day you just sit back and say “How in the heck did that happen?!”

    It’s hard to escape the story of the US Airways plane that went down in the Hudson River yesterday and the remarkable activity that surrounds it. The more I read and hear about it the less inclined I am to say that all of these actions were heroic. Why? Because it seems to be that everyone involved in this story was just being themselves. The version of the person that we get to see in this circumstance is probably the best they can possibly be not really a hero. Here’s what I mean.

    The pilot – Chesley Sullenburger. Is it right to say that what he did was heroic? On many levels I suppose it is. I think it’s better to recognize that it takes a person who thinks ahead, is prepared and truly cares to perform at all in this type of environment. Now this is purely conjecture on my part so take it for what it’s worth. I think that this man was built for this situation. I think he took all the necessary measures to be ready “just in case” and the people that were with him on this flight were blessed that he cared enough. He didn’t just ‘pull this one out’. He was ready. He has a consulting business in fact around airline safety. Hero? Sure, call him that if you want to. I would bet he would say that he was just doing his job. Here’s the question though. Could every pilot with US Airways perform the same way he did? I doubt it. This story may have been a lot different if he wasn’t at the helm.

    The crew – Heroes? Sure, use the term. I think they would rather be known as people who knew their jobs and performed them to the best of their ability in a time of crisis. The term hero is for the media and the ego. I think that many people who were trained to do this kind of work put their heads on their pillows last night finally and were satisfied that they did their jobs so well that many people were alive that night that otherwise maybe shouldn’t be.

    The passengers – Heroes? You call them what you will. I think these good people went into survival mode and simply kept their cool. It’s not heroic to keep your cool. It’s right to keep your cool. Thank God for the temperament of the passengers as a whole. It was truly amazing.

    The rescue workers – Is there anything else to say about rescue workers in NYC that hasn’t already been said? Many of them bristle at the idea of being a hero in a circumstance like this. I think the heroic part of their lives was the day that they filled out an application to do the kind of work they do knowing full well they wouldn’t make the kind of money that some criminal on Wall Street does but that they would be tasked with helping people on a daily basis. Now that’s a hero.

    So how does this impact being a dad? What greater chance do we have to show the good in people than at a time like this? We should sit down with our kids who are old enough to understand and take advantage of a news story that we can use for the good rather than having to explain away.

    Face it, regardless of what we all do for a living we are just people. We may do things that appear to be heroic but I posit that anything we do is just an extension of who we are every minute of every day. If I am a self centered egotistical SOB I may not react in a way that would be helpful to others (remember George Costanza running over women and children to escape a fire on Seinfeld?). But if we live by the Golden Rule I think that in a situation like this we may all find ourselves with no other choice but to be ‘heroic’.

    Our kids need to see the world at its best because most times it doesn’t present very well. Take the opportunity to explain some things to your kids this weekend based on what happened on the Hudson River yesterday. There may not be another example of people doing what they do, at the highest level and everyone coming out OK.

    By the way, I will never forget or minimize the memory of those who have laid down their lives for others while simply doing their jobs. Firefighters, police officers, good Samaritans, soldiers and all others. Happy endings aren’t always available, I know. Someday if you believe you may have a chance to speak to those who sacrificed, I bet you they would say they were doing their job, not trying to be a hero. That’s a lesson we all need to receive.

    Amplify

    TWSS: I do, I do, I do

    In our house hold, Danni has started telling us what she wants to do.  She has been doing it for awhile but it has become more urgent.

    “Who wants to go to school?”

    “I do, I do, I do” is how Danni responds to everything.

    “Who loves Mommy?”

    “I do, I do, I do”

    You get the picture.

    I always like to “test” Danni and see if she is actually paying attention or just saying things.

    “Who watches cartoons?”

    Chelsea, Danni, and I all say, “I do, I do, I do”

    “Who goes to work?”

    Moment of silence and Danni look me straight in the eye and said, “You do”

    Previous TWSS:

    Let Me Ask You A Question

    The Drawer

    Christmas Lights

    She Sings

    Santa

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find my almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    Too Fat to Love?

    The Government are frequently heard to proclaim that ‘families’ are the most important thing in life. We all know that a stable family environment is good for the development of happy children.

    We also know the statistics – that children in Local Authority Care tend to perform less well in school, garner fewer qualifications and have lower chances in life than those from a family environment.

    The importance of adoption cannot be overestimated. Adopted children are rescued from the State care system and, if the system is implemented properly, placed in loving environments where they can flourish. That, surely, is better than the alternative stagnant future for a child in care.

    Yet it would seem that to Leeds City Council, the future well-being of a child is less important than whether the parents eat All-Bran.

    Parents banned from giving a child the loving home all children need. Not because they’re alcoholics, smokers, drug addicts or benefits sponges – but because the prospective Dad is overweight. It’s revolting. Do the worthies at Leeds City Council really think that the love of a child is dependent upon the body shape of the parent?

    Or is it just that their Nannying imperative is now so strong, their need to ensure that the lost kids of Britain, already abandoned (for whatever reason) by one set of parents, deserve only the unfeeling bureaucracy of the State as a future?

    The Righteous of Leeds City Council should hang their heads in shame for the child they have just condemned.

    Amplify

    TWSS: Let Me Ask You A Question

    As any parent can tell you, once your kid starts walking and talking, you get little to no privacy.  This is especially true when it comes to bathroom breaks.  My wife tells me that she has not taken a bathroom break with the door closed in 2 years.

    The other day Chelsea went to the store and left me home with Danni.  I knew the policy that if you are home alone with Danni that you need to turn on Elmo and leave the door open if you had to go the bathroom.  I turned on the DVR’d Sesame Street and told Danni that I was going to the potty.

    The potty is sometimes referred to the “library” in my house.  So I might have lost track of time.  Next thing I know, Danni is at the door and said, “Let me ask you a question?”

    Any man can tell you that they fell most vulnerable when their pants are around their ankles.  I am not a big fan of talking when this is happening and I definitely did not want my daughter to see me in that position.  I recovered quickly and said, “Sure honey ask away.”

    Danni scrunched up her face and said, “You got poop?”

    “Yes Danni I did”

    “That smells.  You flush now.  Thank you.” and closed the door.

    Previous TWSS:

    The Drawer

    Christmas Lights

    She Sings

    Santa

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find Buck’s almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    Beware of the Stories of Your Childhood. Seriously.

    Favorite Children's Stories

    Favorite Children's Stories

    Every night we put our daughter Katie up on the big bed where Trish and I sleep.  She gets her hair braided to keep it from tangling in the night.  Billy (15) lays across the end of the bed, and Stephanie (18) comes in to sit at the foot of the bed.  While Trish fixes Katie’s hair, I read her bedtime story.  It’s become quite the ritual, and we’ve been through a lot of stories, and a lot of words.

    What I’ve noticed though – most notably over the past few nights – is that you can’t trust those old stories to read quite the way they did when you were younger.  For one thing, there is a lot of content that is just no longer acceptable or appropriate.  There are words that no longer mean what they used to mean in general conversation.  Terminology and language are a shifting tide, and you can get caught in the undertow pretty quickly if you don’t pay attention.  It can make for some pretty tricky ad lib reworking of the old classics.

    The book above is our current storybook – we’re about three quarters of the way through it.  It contains works by many well remembered and loved storytellers of days gone by, and overall we’ve enjoyed them all. There have, however, been moments.  For instance, I had to reword the title AND each instance of one word from that title when reading “The Blue Eyed Pussy”.  I know, I know, what am I, eight?  Remember, two teenagers and their mother listen too, and pretty much no way they are containing themselves if I read anything other than “The Blue Eyed Kitten”.

    So the other night was the kicker.  We started a new story – “Almost an Ambush” by Le Grand Henderson.  Sounds safe enough, right?  Then you get into the story, and it’s like a Saturday Night Live skit.  We get a snicker from the teenagers when I read a line that states that the two privates in the play army are “Peewee and Floppy the dog”.  Boy child says…”Floppy privates?”  That starts it. Snickers abound.  I am trying to read the story and actually getting a little angry because they are ruining the moment for their little sister, who is too young to understand why they are laughing, and feeling left out.  Trish is snickering too.  I plunge onward.  I grit my teeth and read that the enemy “troop” is led by another boy.  Now I’m in full scowl mode, about to yell at them all to be quiet and listen…when my eyes catch the name of this boy.

    I stopped short.  How in hell was I going to read “Stubby Johnson” – at that moment?  How could I not?  How could I even make that up?  From then on, every word, every line, seemed charged with more than it was meant to be.  I mean…STUBBY JOHNSON? (sigh).  We made it through the story, which is about how the dog, Floppy, who the boys were angry at for giving away their position in their game of soldiers on patrol, saves them from being stranded in a collapsed tunnel.  It’s still a good story – but maybe if they ever re-release this old book, they might consider a quick revision.

    You can find a full listing of the stories in this book by clicking the image above.

    Amplify

    Digital Storytelling Gets a Boost from Dave Armano

    Some of you might know the name of blogger Dave Armano – he has a vast social network, is a regular contributor to AdAge and a frequent speaker at interactive and social media conferences.

    Tonight, I watched Dave do something pretty amazing. With a short blog post and a tweet to alert the thousands folks who “listen” to him, he told a digital story. The story of Daniella and her 3 children. A story about how Daniella left her husband after years of physical abuse. And it included a photo. Just one. Of Daniella and her kids (they’re staying with Dave and his family).

    Dave asked people do whatever they could financially to help them get an apartment. Enough to cover a deposit and rent for a few months.

    So I pitched in and then sat back and watched others do the same thing, some folks noting how despite their challenging finances, they were still going to give, even if it was $1 or $5.

    Dave’s goal was $5K.

    In just over 2 hours, hundreds people have raised more than $8K for a family they don’t know and will probably never meet. Because someone they trust – a key influencer in their lives – asked them to help and made it very easy. Compare that with Tweetsgiving, a group that came out of nowhere and raised $11K in 48 hours around Thanksgiving to help expand a school in Nambia. People contributed generously and exceeded the $10K goal, but Dave’s relationship with the 200+ contributors is what has been able to drive this success in such a short timeframe.

    You can see Dave’s original post here:

    http://darmano.typepad.com/logic_emotion/2009/01/pleas-help-us-help-daniellas-family.html

    And see how Twitter is abuzz with it here:

    http://search.twitter.com/search?q=armano

    And Dave’s use of video to say thanks:

    http://darmano.typepad.com/logic_emotion/2009/01/thank-you.html

    Dave’s generosity and first-ever request like this shows that success in social media continues to be based on real relationships with fans and advocates. And as dads, it’s a reminder that our #1 job is to be an example to our sons and daughters, to teach them by doing the right thing, not just telling them what it is.

    Amplify

    That's What She Said Wednesday- The Drawer

    My daughter is over 3 feet tall.  She is also only 2 years old.  She stand head and shoulders above other kids.  she gets her height from me.  I am about 6’4″ to 6’5″ depending on what gas station I am coming out of.  The reason I bring this up is because Danni also has been blesses with my curiosity.

    We have strict rules about what Danni can and cannot get into at our house.  She is allowed to touch certain drawers and cabinets.  She is not allowed to touch the drawer with the eating utensils.  At other people’s houses she is allowed to go into those drawers (i.e. grandparents).  This is fine.  Danni is smart enough to know if something flies at Mimi or MeeMaw’s house that doesn’t mean it will fly at Mommy and Daddy’s house.

    Chelsea was cooking dinner in the kitchen.  I was standing at the kitchen bar and telling her about my day.  Danni was running in and out of the kitchen.  Chelsea asked me to get Danni’s chair ready so she could eat.  Danni heard this and went to the drawer.  She opened it and reached in.

    “No Ma’am!  We do not go into that drawer.”

    “Okay, Daddy, Sorry” batting her eyelashes at me. (She gets THAT from her mother)

    “It is not okay.  Next time you do that, we are skipping time out and you are getting a spanking.  Next time you go in that drawer what are you going to get?”

    “A fork”

    Previous TWSS:

    Christmas Lights

    She Sings

    Santa

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find Buck’s almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    The Top Ten Things I Wish I Did In 2008

    One of the problems with being a type-A obsessive compulsive about my work is that it gets in the way of being a type-A obsessive compulsive with my kids.  In the long run, while money is nice, time spent with the kids is the real currency of life.  In that vein, here’s my list of the Top Ten Things I Wish I’d Done in 2008:

    1. I wish I’d taken the kids to Disney World.  Let’s face it, I’m a bad dad.  The kids have gotten to a full decade and I haven’t taken them to the Mecca of Kiddom.
    2. I wish I’d been able to take more vacation time with the kids. I was laid off in 2007 and didn’t get full time work until the very last day of the year.  That was on contract, so I didn’t start accruing vacation time until Memorial Day.  If I’d really been thinking, I’d have worked out a way to take more time off.
    3. I wish I’d spent more time fishing with the kids. It’s the sport I shared with my father and grandfather and I need to spend more time sharing it with them.
    4. I wish I’d realized earlier in the year how much my daughters are starting to grow up. They’ve learned to appreciate a real discussion with their father and their fathers friends.  Somehow I had deluded myself into seeing them as 6 year olds, and they haven’t been that age for several years.
    5. I wish I’d replaced my small pickup with something the kids and I can be comfortable in. Too many trips started off with someone getting sent to the penalty box for elbowing before we arrived at the destination.  And too many times I had to utter the infamous words “Don’t make me stop this truck…”
    6. I wish I’d taken the time to stay at horse riding lessons and watch the girls more instead of running errands.
    7. I wish we’d read together more and used the Playstation less.
    8. I wish I understood more how to reach my eldest daughter who has Asperger’s Syndrome.
    9. I wish I could better explain to my youngest daughter how much I appreciate that she is patient with her older sister, who doesn’t always understand social situations.
    10. I wish that I took better care of myself and stopped trading my health for dollars by working like a dog. That translates into having more time in the long term to spend with my children.

    It’s sounds pretty bad on the surface.  Yet I’m a glass half full kind of guy, so I pledge to turn that list around and make it my self-improvement list for the coming year.

    One funny thing, while I wrote that list, I didn’t think once about how I should spend more time in the office.  Imagine that…but then I guess I’m not writing this for “Work-o-matic”.

    (Mark Cahill blogs at http://www.allthingscahill.com on tech, social media, and online marketing)

    Amplify

    That's What She Said: Christmas Lights

    MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, OR JUST GOOD DAY TO YOU AND YOURS!!

    I had this whole other story written out but it will get posted next week.  TWSS (That’s What She Said): Christmas Lights is more timely seeing how it is Christmas Eve.

    As I stated in a couple of week’s ago TWSS post about Santa, we are all traveling around town in my Ford Ranger with Danni sitting in the front seat.

    Danni can see everything and is loving it.  Besides yelling at Santa and telling them “TWO BARBIES!!!” She has taken to telling me “I see Christmas.”  This means that up ahead on the right or left is Christmas lights.  The other night on the way to drop her off at my mother’s house I decided that I would turn down streets where she saw Christmas.”

    We made lefts and rights until we could see no more lights.  She turned to me and said. “Aww no more Christmas.”  More importantly we were lost.  I had made so many turns and not paid attention to where I was going that I had gotten lost in suburbia hell.  All the houses looked the same.  Intersections had not street names.  Suddenly, Danni said, “I thought we were going Mee-Maw (my mom) not Mimi (Chelsea’s mom) house.”  Eureka, Danni knew where we were.  The 2 yr old was able to help me get my baring.

    Needless to say we were about an hour late for my mom’s house.

    Previous TWSS:

    She Sings Santa

    Last Word So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find Buck’s almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

    Amplify

    Emasculation Rewarded

    Guess what.  If you can set aside your pride, emasculation ain’t so bad.  I posted yesterday about the embarrassment suffered when my wife went public as the family snow blower, and am happy to announce my full recovery today.

    img_0395As predicted, the storm started yesterday afternoon and we woke to 12 inches of snow.  Worried that my wife might call my bluff by offering to let me clear the walks and driveway, the kids and I left before she got up and walked into town for breakfast.  It was one of those idyllic, snowy mornings with clean white snow and few cars on the road.  I towed the younger kids on a long sled, and the older kids (including a couple friends who had spent the night) had a running snowball fight.  Do you recall a time when you didn’t mind taking a snowball in the face or getting an arm full dumped down your back?  My kids are there.  We rolled into our local breakfast spot, ordered up hot chocolate, coffee, waffles, pancakes, sausage, the whole shebang.  It couldn’t have been nicer.

    img_0407Meanwhile, it was still snowing and my wife was sure to be rising soon.  I texted her from the comfort of the restaurant – “driveway clear yet?” – but got no response.  Where could she possibly have been?  Were the shear pins behaving?  Not my worry.  We finished our breakfast and moseyed home.  As we turned the corner into the driveway, the steps were clean, the walks clear, and Johanna was about 90% finished with the driveway.  I made no pretenses about my masculinity.  I whipped out my camera long enough to take a shot of Johanna in action (somewhat annoyed at her carelessness in letting the snow blow on my camera) and cruised inside to start a fire and get a fresh cup of coffee.

    She asked for the job, right?  Far be it from me to suggest that a woman shouldn’t operate heavy machinery.

    For more of John’s musings on fatherhood and parenting, visit his blog.

    Amplify

    Emasculation

    As dads, we all understand the roles we are expected to play in our families. My wife and I have a twenty first century marriage, meaning we take a more balanced approach to parenting.  We both cook, bathe the kids, discipline… Ward Cleaver would be appalled; June Cleaver would feel disenfranchised.  I should have known I would get in trouble letting my wife play lead on snow blowing. For some inexplicable reason, she loves to do it, but today it went too far.  With a big snow storm heading our way tomorrow, I took my blows today.

    Apparently, Johanna ran into Charles Rutstein at Ace Hardware this afternoon. Charles is a man’s man.  He takes golfing trips with his buddies, let’s his wife manage their social calendar, and has a professional grade wood shop in his basement.  I’m not talking about a simple table saw.  He has a table saw, a chop saw, a router table, a planer, and a lathe, all tied into the same saw dust collecting vacuum system.  It’s awesome.

    Johanna was shopping for shear pins – yes, shear pins, those little clips in the augur that have a penchant for failing when the snow is heaviest. So in addition to exposing Charles to the fact that she works the heavy machinery in my house, the two of them evaluated rock salt options together. Which is better… the 100 pound bag or 40 pound buckets? She opted to take home two 40 pounders after concluding the 100 pound bag would be too hard to lug around. Did she think I couldn’t handle that? What am I, a girly man?

    Suffice it to say that it hurt. I’ve been completely emasculated.  Next thing you know I’ll be pushed into darning the kids socks.

    I hope all of you in New England enjoy the snow tomorrow. I’ll be inside baking cookies while the rest of you are shoveling.

    For more of John’s musings on fatherhood and parenting, visit his blog.

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    A tragic day of innocence lost

    This morning I woke up to a jarring story in the newspaper.  The killer of Adam Walsh was finally identified.

    On July 27, 1981, Adam went into a deparment store with his mother.  She lost track of him for just a second…and he was abducted by the person we now known as his killer, Ottis Toole.  Adam’s head was found two weeks later in a nearby canal.  His body has never been recovered.

    This story gripped America.  It was one of those turning points in which a singlular event caused massive, but subtle changes in our society.  I was still a teen when Adam was abducted.  As I look at his picture now, I automatically recognize him.  I’ll never forget him.  In a way he became everyone’s little boy.  The freckled-faced gap-toothed baseball cap wearing kid.  The picture was the type of picture that parents and grandparents would have on a coffee table or a fireplace mantle or on the living room wall.

    When I was a kid in junior high, I’d walk to the bus stop alone.  Today, by habit, I walk my son to his.  (The bus comes at 6:30 a.m. so it’s completely dark out).  Each kid there has a parent nearby.  It’s as if each of us has a feeling that we should be there.  I can’t help but think that unconsciously we’re doing it because of Adam

    I have to say that I admire John Walsh and the way he made this a crusade.  He had to.  Now we’ve got systems in place that, while not being able to prevent these tragedies, can make them more rare.

    Today, I’m going to say a special prayer for the Walsh family and, most especially, for Adam.  And my son is going to get extra hugs for a reason that he knows nothing of.

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    Your Right to Raise Your Child

    Carl and Raylene Worthington believe that prayer–not medicine–should be used to treat illness.  When their 15-month-old daughter developed bacterial bronchial pneumonia, they turned to their faith rather than a doctor.  The child died, and the parents are now facing manslaughter charges.

    Reading about the recent court battle over parental rights in Oregon has raised some questions that I’d like to share with the Dad-o-Matic community. This post is primarily intended to stimulate conversation at both philosophical and legal levels.

    • Do parents have a right to raise their children as they see fit?
    • If so, at what point should parents lose that right?
    • What actions taken by a parent should allow the government to trump parental judgment?
    • Who decides when a parent is no longer capable of caring for their child?

    You may have additional questions, and I know that you will have opinions to share in the comments.  I look forward to reading them, and discussing.

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    That's What She Said: Santa

    Sorry i missed last week but i was traveling for work.  When work sends me to “work in the field” they mean it very literally.  I am not near computers until late at night and then all I want to do is crawl into bed.

    Now on to what you all came here for, That’s What She Said: Santa Edition.  We have a rule in our house, no Christmas, Santa, or Elf talk until Halloween is over.  Halloween is my favorite holiday but my wife is super crazy about Christmas.  Growing up I think they had like 9-10 trees in their house.  At last count we have two up in our house.  Chelsea, the wife, goes all out for Halloween to make it special for me.  So I let her have whatever she wants for Christmas.  Danni, our daughter, has caught the Christmas bug too.

    Danni had figured out Santa brings toys!!!  She started out wanting 1 Barbie.  You would ask her what Santa was going to bring her.  “Um how about 1 Barbie” and hold up 1 finger.”  One day she figured out that we were excited that she could hold up two fingers like a peace sign and say two that she changed her answer to 2 Barbies.

    I had read that to help kids not be afraid of Santa that to tell them that they are going to visit Santa again.  You would ask them questions like “Do you remember sitting on Santa’s lap last year?” or “We are going to go see Santa again just like last year.”  We did that and Danni is about to come out of her skin in excitement.

    Ever since my wife’s car broke down, we have all had to pile into my Ford Ranger pickup truck.  This means I drive, Danni sits in the front seat in her seat, and Chelsea is in the jump seat.  Danni loves it because she can see everything.  She’ll point out Christmas lights, horses (Memphis has Shelby Farms.  It’s a huge metro park that has everything…horseback riding, fishing, off-leash parks, buffalo, kayaking, and tons of agriculture.  The city grows corn, cotton, soybeans, etc….all to feed the multitude of animals that call the park home.) and now Santas.

    We’ll be driving down the street and Danni will scream, “I see CHRISTMAS!  Look Daddy!  Oh! I see SANTA!”  People in our neighborhoods have those inflatable Santas.  As we approach the lawn that has the Santa in it, she will stop talking to me and start talking to the window.  “Um, Santa, okay, I want two…” and that is all she’ll get out because we’ll pass it.  She’ll whip her head around and scream towards the back window “BARBIES!!!”

    My wife is having hearing problems lately.

    Previous That’s What She Saids:

    Last Word

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

    You can find Buck’s almost daily musings at Buck’s Blog

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    Tweet your kids

    Ever think “I should write that down” when your child says something funny?

    I use Twitter for that. Here’re some Tweet-worthy comments from my boys.

    Six-year-old Zachary

    “Guess what, Daddy?” What, Zach? “I was the first one to see Santa after he ate his lunch!”

    “I pooped extra for you.” Dad: “Why?” Zach: “So you can lift me up!”

    “Dad, you heated this pizza so much I feel like I’m eating fabric!” Yes, he said fabric.

    “I can’t be any more cuter than I am, I’m sorry to say.”

    “Dad, I had perfect comic timing. I picked my nose, Momma laughed, and I didn’t laugh at my own joke.”

    “Dad, can I have money for the stock market now? I am six!”

    Zachary at dinner: “Why do cows taste like hamburger?”

    Four-year-old Lucas

    “Why did the shoe cross the street?” Mommy: “Why?” Luke: “So he could get to the other side and poop next to the chicken.”

    “I like Santa. He’s my favorite person.”

    “Mamma, how old do you have to be — to be an adult and be in charge?”

    I so love you, Daddy. I so love you so much.

    “I can’t do that right now. I already did that tomorrow.”

    “Daddy, you scared my ears!”

    Adoring Lukey, I said, “You’re very cute.” He replied, “You too,” and climbed into my lap.

    I get lots of comments from engaged followers. Have fun with it.

    :: Joe Hage

    Other posts from Joe Hage: Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

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    Du Jour Means Christmas

    How will you be celebrating this Christmas?

    I’m not talking about the food. That wonderful banquet of smells and tastes. The turkey (that for us Aussies feels a little .. odd), the peas, honey carrots. Mum’s pudding that’s been hanging in the pantry for quite a while, with the kids asking why pudding doesn’t stay in the fridge. The custard to go along with the pudding.

    And icecream. Let’s never, ever, forget icecream.

    I’m not talking about the presents. The irrepressible joy of the kids as they count down the last few days until the explosion of unwrapping, of excessive littering, occurs. The beaming faces of joy and wonder at the cool gifts, sometimes in a pillowcase or stocking, that are theirs for a day or two before moving into a general “share with all the kids” ownership. The afternoons of adults (and kids) playing  with their more cranial gifts; Settlers of Catan, or Risk (or indeed 500, Canasta, Monopoly, Careers, Greed, Carcasonne, or any other card/board/?? game), laughing at the machinations of relies who seem to break out of their actual personality into a crazy hybrid of cunning and ruthlessness.

    I’m not talking about the time of togetherness with family and friends. The hugs and kisses that accompany the meeting of relationships. The joy of seeing those folk who’ve nary been in your thoughts for a good long time. The inevitable abrasions of personality and character that are lurking just beneath the surface, that everyone knows are there .. waiting until a quiet moment when they might burst forth and make this time just a little more memorable.

    No. I’m not talking about those parts of Christmas, although they are all elements of our celebration.

    How will you be celebrating Christmas in the light of you and God?

    Christmas is a time, regardless of many things, when we have at least a couple of thoughts of church. Or the baby Jesus. The wise men. The crooked staves. The sheep, and the Shepherds. The carols, sung by candlelight. The tumult of Angels thundering in song.

    There is great significance in this time. I realise some folk only celebrate Christmas because of the tradition of gift-giving and family get-togethers. Cool. I realise some folk have absolute dislike for anything to do with religion or talk of God. But the significance is there nonetheless.

    We, my wonderful family, celebrate Christmas founded in the birth of the Saviour. That particular point colors the entire time. It’s not just about the food. The family and friends. It’s not just about the fights that we’ll be able to tell our close friends about later on.

    It’s His birth that we’ll be celebrating this Christmas. That this day, all those days ago, salvation was born into our world.

    Christmas is about Jesus. Turning our thoughts to Him is how we will be celebrating Christmas.

    How will you be celebrating Christmas?

     

    Stu Andrews has his own blog here, and with his Family (Wife + 4 Kids) embarks on perilous quests like making stories with the multitude of toys lying around the house in The Plastic Detectives.

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    Sponsored Post-Kmart Holiday Shopping Dad Style

    Kmart This post is a sponsored post on behalf of Kmart via Izea. The opinions are mine.

    I have to admit that I haven’t stepped foot in a Kmart for a while, like probably since before they merged up with Sears. But this assignment was totally worth it. Basically, the plan was this: take a $500 gift card and figure out what was cool to buy at Kmart. They want you to know that they’ve got all kinds of gifts and stuff people want. That was the basic theme. I was game for the idea, and I even came up with a way to do some good in the process. Here’s what we did, and what I found along the way.

    Bring Along the Kids

    Violette models My six year old daughter came through the front doors, and the girls clothes was to the right. She looked over and said, “These are beautiful,” and sunk into a rack of winter coats. That particular one in the picture is a Disney princess one, so that had to go in the cart. I thought I had her trained so well, with Bob the Builder toys in her little pink purses when she was 3, but no. She loves princess things. Alas.

    Yes, I’m the kind of dad who buys clothes as part of the holiday gifts. My folks did it. Why should I be any different. There were lots of clothes my daughter willingly would wear. We didn’t exactly equip her, but she got a few things she absolutely *had* to have.

    My nearly three-year-old son was another matter. He needed some clothes. I found everything he would want there, and with really no effort. And again, there was lots of good variety, and I felt like everything was great and of a quality I expected.

    Dyson vacuumsDad note: I don’t know that I saw clothes I’d wear as a grown up. I mean, if you’re not very stylish, which I am not, there were some items. I liked that they had Joe Boxer underpants, for instance.

    Name Brands

    Since their merging with Sears, Kmart has upped their name brand game. They had a few that really surprised me, like Dyson vacuum cleaners. Those are pretty high end, right? And they had Craftsman tool supplies, which was nice, because I remember the “old” Kmart where their tools were more like pretend ones made out of chalky metal. But, I didn’t really buy any of that. I went right to electronics, and then into toys.

    Electronics

    Decent DVD selection I had a hunch that I’d have some fun in their electronics section, and I was right. They had quite a display of flat screen high definition TVs, and I knew most of the name brands. I’m not high def enough to tell you if they were really killer, but I give points for the brands, at least. They also had a small, but decent assortment of new movies on DVD. Their CD collection at the store I went to was small, but who buys CDs these days?

    It was in games that I was impressed again. They had a really good selection of XBOX360, PS3, and WII games (we have a Wii at home), as well as DS and PSP games. I was surprised, plus I had that sort of “secret” feeling of realizing that I bet most people looking for games around the holidays have Kmart on their radar.

    Toys

    toysHere’s where I got clever. I had my kids pick out some toys to donate to Toys for Tots, so that this sponsored shopping spree could also be used for good. It was a lot of fun. There were all the name brands you’d expect, like Nerf and Star Wars and things like that.

    The toy section was actually the best kept and best stocked at the store where I shopped. Some of the other sections seemed to have been attacked (this was, after all, the day after Black Friday), but toys? Fresh as a daisy.

    In the End

    The goods the bill

    If you click on the picture of the bill, and zoom in, you’ll see the biggest surprise I got from the entire experience. The shopping spree was for $500, and I went just a hair over at around $567. But, if you look at what I SAVED, I saved over $200 during this experience. Some of it was from holiday sales, but some was just their regular weekly stuff. So I saved over 30%? Is that right? That’s what the biggest surprise was, to me.

    And Now, the Contest

    Dad-o-Matic readers (you!) have a chance at doing your own version of my $500 shopping spree at Kmart. The official rules are here. But in a nutshell, here’s what you can do. One’s a bit of work, and the other is a lot easier (hint, hint).

    (1) Place a comment on this blog post. Include a description and SKU or item numbers of items on your holiday wish list that total $500 or less. Contest participants must send their email address with the comment to the Participating Blog. This should be done in the private field provided by the Participating Blog and should not have to be included publicly in the comment.

    (2) Use Twitter to tweet the message found on the blog post:

    ” RT @chrisbrogan is giving away a $500 Kmart Gift Card on his blog – simply tweet or comment to enter http://urlbrief.com/27bb3f”

    *** That was updated. I had the info wrong.***

    Now, I’m not telling you what to do, but step 1 takes a lot of typing, and step 2 is retweeting a link to this post.

    Again, check out the official rules here because I might have left something out.

    Good luck, and I hope you win. The experience opened my eyes, and I also found a way to give a bunch of kids some surprises this holiday season. Seems like a win, eh?

    By the way, if you want to learn more about Kmart Gift Cards, that’s here.

    The preceding was a sponsored post. For more information about the sponsor (Kmart), see Izea.

    Click Here

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    New Ways to Praise: "You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake"

    Growing up, my parents and teachers told me that I was smart and talented frequently enough for me to believe them. While adults thought they were doing the right thing by lavishing praise on children (whether or not they deserve it) a growing amount of research shows that telling children that they are special or smart can actually be detrimental.

    No, we don’t speak to our children like Tyler Durden, but nearly two years ago, my wife and I adopted a new praise policy.  Rather than telling our kids how intelligent or special they are, we focus on the amount of effort that they expend to achieve their goals.

    This is going to be difficult for most parents and grandparents; it’s still hard for me sometimes. Most of us love to praise our children, and telling them that they’re smart, brilliant, gifted or special is a natural response. Unfortunately, when your kids start believing how special they are, the “more likely [they are] to avoid tasks at which they may fail than children who are praised instead for their hard work. And they are more apt to lie and cheat well into their university years.”

    Here are some new ways to praise:

    • Nice job on the spelling test; you must have studied very hard to learn those words.
    • Great catch! I can tell that you’ve been practicing.
    • I’m proud of the way you’ve been working in your math class.
    • Congratulations on getting the lead role. Your hard work has paid off!

    I encourage all of you to give this method of praising children a try. Speaking from personal experience, I’ve seen an improvement in the amount of effort that my children expend.

    Agree with this appraoch? Disagree? Let us know in the comments.

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    Men in the Doghouse

    This video is part of an apparently successful marketing campaign launched by JC Penny.  My only criticism is that it’s a bit long, but definitely worth a peek.  While I’ve been in the doghouse many times I hadn’t thought of JC Penny as the way out … UNTIL NOW!

    h/t to Dr. Val

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    The Transparent Pediatrician – How Thin is Too Thin?

    Full disclosure:  Whenever I post online, be it my blog or Twitter, I’m just a little bit nervous.  Maybe nervous isn’t the right word – But I do experience a moment of hesitation before I hit the publish button.  Sounds strange but it’s true.  I work for a medical school and children’s hospital remarkably concerned about their brand.  And parents these days routinely Google their doctors before office visits – they’re concerned about who’s treating their kids.

    So what I write and how much I show of myself impacts what people think of me.  And with my recent plunge into Twitter, I’m all the more transparent.  This is good for a social media thought leader.  But is it the same for a pediatrician?  Probably but I’m not sure.  Doctors like myself are struggling with the role of social media in their professional lives.  So far it’s been a kick and I haven’t found myself in trouble.  But I still live with the fear of being dooced.

    So how do I stay safe?  How do I keep prospective moms and dads from canceling their appointment after reading my ideas online?

    The Virgin Mary rule.  As a teen going out with friends, my grandmother would tell me not to do anything that I wouldn’t do in front of the Virgin Mary.  I’ve followed the same rule when self-publishing online.  While I’m typing in the privacy of my boxer shorts, the world has access to the end result.  So I’ll often picture my boss or certain select parents from my clinic reading what I’ve put together.  It’s a great check on my visceral emotions.

    Avoid controversy.  While controversy is one fuel for a successful blog, I avoid it to some degree.  Much like Chris Brogan’s Tweets during the election (“I voted for a Senator, a male Senator”), I avoid issues that don’t promote my personal brand.  Confronting late-term abortion, presidential politics and other dicey subjects keep half of my readership and patient population from unsubscribing.

    Remember what happens online stays online.  I try to keep in mind that whatever I write will live in infamy.  While there may be a day when I regret a blog post from 2006, it hasn’t happened yet.  Last year when I served as the national media spokesperson for a major infant product manufacturer, part of the vetting process involved the hiring PR firm scouring my online presence.  Scary stuff.

    In the end I think that my online presence offers unique insight into who I am and how I think as a dad and pediatrician.  This is a good thing but not without an alternate edge.  So would a pediatrician’s online presence significantly affect your decision when choosing a doctor for your child?  Anything else I need to keep in mind?

    Bryan Vartabedian is a kids tummy doc.  He blogs at Parenting Solved and Tweets @Doctor_V

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    My Children Will Do It Differently

    Just over a year ago, the founder of this project, Chris Brogan, wrote a blog post entitled 100 Topics I Hope YOU Write. I bookmarked it for future reference – it was, and still is, a great resource for when the blogging ideas well runs dry. Today sees the first fruit of that blog post’s labors, for me at least.

    The world is a crazy place. Some may say it always has been, but you know, the last decade more than anything has seen everything change. These are scary times, and we only have ourselves to blame in many cases.

    I’ve been sitting watching the news about the terror in Mumbai coming through, both on mainstream media and Twitter, of all places. For anyone with family or friends in Mumbai, Twitter has been playing a key role in updates on the situation as they happen.

    Now I’ve just read a headline about the horrendous death of a Wal-Mart worker in Long Island, NY when shoppers burst through the doors of the store he worked at. The worker was knocked over by shoppers hellbent on getting the best Black Friday deals, and tragically he died from suffocation.

    Combine these two stories with everything that’s happening around us – the ill-conceived War on Terror, the collapse of the economy and the destruction of our planet’s resources. When did we stop caring about each other so much that we seem destined to end each other’s existence?

    Is this the legacy we want to leave our children? Will there be any legacy to leave them?

    This is why we need our children more than ever. Every generation says, “This time it’ll be different.” Every generation says these words with good intent, I’m sure. But so far, every generation has failed. We have to offer hope that our children will do things differently.

    Perhaps this time will be different. Perhaps Obama’s “Vote for Change” will really mean something, as opposed to just being a campaign slogan. The signs are good – now is the time to take these signs and make good on them.

    We have to teach our children not to hate.

    We have to teach our children greed is bad.

    We have to teach our children tolerance of others and belief in mankind.

    These life lessons and more start from the top, but we need the powers that be to offer a helping hand. What good are our teachings about greed when our children see corporate CEO’s banking millions while overseeing the worst financial crisis in recent years, and not being punished for it?

    We need to stop the madness. Stop the conflicts. Stop the craziness that sees a single day of sales result in death and injury. We need to stop hating, stop the bigotry, and start loving our fellow man again.

    We need to say, “My children will do it differently.” And believe it. And make it happen.

    Danny Brown is father to a beautiful daughter and owner of Press Release PR, a boutique agency specializing in search engine optimized press releases and social media PR. He is also a blog partner of the iEntry and WebProNews network and an avid supporter of Toronto FC. Say hello to him on Twitter.

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    Happy Thanksgiving from Dad-o-Matic


    The dads from Dad-o-Matic want to wish everyone and their loved ones a Happy Thanksgiving! With all the tough times going on right now, we should all be extra thankful for all the blessings in our lives. Let’s also do what we can to help others this time of year as well as throughout the year.

    Here are some of the amazing causes that went on this week or still going on. Thanks to SarahLacy for bringing the last two to our attention.:

    TweetsGiving started on twitter and managed to accomplish its impressive goal of raising $10,000 by Thanksgiving which will help build a new classroom in Tanzania! Thus proving the power of a tweet!

    CharityWater is an incredible movement that wants to provide clean water to millions of people that don’t have what we all take for granted. Here’s a short PSA that brings the message extremely close to home!
    Note: Their next big event will be their 3rd annual Charity: Ball 2008 on 12/15/08 also known as Jingle Wells.

    Another great cause is what Toms Shoes is championing where their goal is to provide 30,000 shoes to needy children in the world that becomes sick and die from being barefoot. For every pair of shoes we buy, they will match with a pair for a child. Truly awesome cause.

    So, please do your best to be extra grateful this year and let’s do what we can to not only support our own families but anyone else we can too. After all, we’re all brothers and sisters in the same family of Man.

    Doriano “Paisano” Carta is the proud pappa of three children, Nicholas (9), Matthew (5) and Rachel (3). Besides being a contributing Executive Editor for Dad-o-matic, he also writes for other blogs such as Mashable, Pistachio Consulting as well as his own two blogs, ThePaisano and Seizing The Day. He has also contributed to other blogs such as SarahLacy and SocialMediaMom. Pai can be found on twitter as Paisano.

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    Don't Underestimate the Objects of Our Thanks

    As we approach this holiday season, it seems we have little to be thankful about.
    Still topping the news are stories of death and dire.

    • Abraham Biggs, a Florida teenager blogs that he will commit suicide and then webcasts a video of the event, live, while viewers on the Internet wonder if it’s a hoax. His family is despondent and livid, and his father “is now calling for more [government] regulation of chatrooms,” even though his use of the term “chatroom” clearly shows he understands neither the technology or the psychology involved.

    • Ashley Dupre reveals on national TV the “details” of her involvement with former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, whose political career was destroyed in a scandal of such magnitude that when people talk about the “details,” they still can’t bring themselves to say what really happened.

    • Al Qaeda is still in the news, and we’re still apparently terrified by terrorists, meanwhile Palestinian militants fire a rocket at Israel, which lands in an industrial zone in the town of Ashkelon.

    • Rights activists are livid that California Proposition 8 passed, and they have stepped up their campaign to have it rejected. Whichever side eventually wins, this will turn out to be a ruthless and bloody fight.

    These are just some of the stories I pulled out of the “top stories” at Google News last week.
    Meanwhile, the financial markets continue to ride a roller coaster. We aren’t officially in a recession yet, but analysts are predicting one with such certainty that everyone accepts it as a fait accompli. President-elect Obama in a radio address claimed “we are facing an economic crisis of historic proportions,” and he proposed massive, long-term federal hiring, spending, and hand-outs to compensate for the flailing economy. [Read more...]

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    That's What She Said- Last Word

    My daughter, Danni, is two year old going on twenty-two.  She has to have the last word in every conversation.  My wife would say that Danni gets it from me.  The other night, we were watching a DVD that I was reviewing for a giveaway on Buck’s Blog.  Danni crawled out of my lap after it was done and said, “Thank you Daddy for the movie.  I love you.”  I replied, “You’re welcome and I love you.”

    Danni pointed back at me and said, “No I LOVE YOU! This much” and spread her arms out.  “No, I love you!” is what I am came back with and pointed at her.

    “NO DADDY NO NO NO I LOVE YOU!” she screamed.

    I guess I can let her have the last word in that case.

    Previous That’s What She Saids:

    So Sick

    Mommy Sad

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    Cooking Up a Memory

     

    Why eat canned soup when you can eat homemade?

    Why eat canned soup when you can eat homemade?

    I am sorry to admit that my wife really doesn’t enjoy cooking.  She does her best, but sometimes her general indifference to the culinary arts rears it’s ugly head.  Who could blame her, since as a stay at home mom, it’s up to her to ensure that there are 3 square meals on the table (or more, since we have a very picky eater in the bunch) every day, rain or shine, no matter how she feels.  Then to make things worse, Daddy blitzes into the kitchen every once in while to engage his hobby, cooking.

     

    I’ve been trying over the past year particularly to share my love of cooking with my two daughters, who are now 9 and 10 years old.  It’s a great time, and I think its a big help in terms of breaking down a few barriers for them, as well as showing them the most essential cooking skill of all; love.

    Yesterday, a great opportunity arouse.  My wife hasn’t been feeling well, and was asleep when I returned with the girls at lunch time.  Mackenzie, the younger daughter, suggested soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.  Not exactly a gastronomic tour de force, but heck, it’s an easy lunch, right?  

    [Read more...]

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    Stay Away Daddies Aren't Always to Blame

    My little girl Lia was born in 2003, a healthy and beautiful little mite that immediately changed everything for me. Up until the point I held her in my arms, I guess I didn’t really feel like I was a daddy. The moment I felt her warmth in my arms and saw her innocent little eyes look up at me, though, that was it. Here was the reason for being; the reason to be; simply, here was everything.

    Lia will be six next year. I last saw her when she was 10 months old. I have no idea where she’s living, only that it’s somewhere in Ireland. I haven’t given her a birthday or a Christmas card ever, and presents lay unopened. Does that make me a stay away dad?

    My ex-partner and I never married. We had a strange relationship – we were together 4 months initially and then broke up (she had just come out of a long relationship and it was too soon for another). We were apart for about 6 months and then we got together again.

    Things really seemed to be working – she was going to move in with me and transfer to a department of the company she worked at that was in the town where I lived. Then she found out she was pregnant and although it came as a surprise, we both were excited about how things were coming together. Then the world collapsed.

    Three months into the pregnancy, my ex decided she didn’t want to be with me after all. She didn’t love me and as much as it hurt, we both agreed that it would be best not to bring our unborn child into a house that wasn’t a truly loving one. So, we parted and remained friends – after all, we had a baby on the way and a child needs both parents.

    Perhaps what happened next was my fault – I don’t know, and may never find out. Lia was to be my first child and I was over-excited; wanting to be part of the clothes shopping, pram shopping and all the other great stuff that parents-to-be go through. Maybe I was too zealous.

    My ex felt I was being too demanding, words were exchanged and the amicable agreement that seemed to be working so well fell away. Lawyers became involved and, to cut a long story short, I was granted access at weekends. Sadly, this wasn’t acceptable to my ex who made many excuses why she and Lia couldn’t be available on visiting days. I was left having to resort to legal action.

    I guess this is what led to her leaving the UK with my little girl. I found out she had left when I went for an agreed visit. Her landlord said she had moved out earlier that week. He had no forwarding address. I tried her parents, only to find out that they had moved back home to Ireland. Again, no forwarding address.

    Because Ireland isn’t part of the UK, the laws are different when it comes to family disputes. I continue today to try and find where my little girl is, but brick walls are pretty obstinate opponents.

    I know my daughter will be happy. Despite the differences between us, I do know that my ex makes a wonderful mother who loves our little girl dearly. I can only hope that having Lia is enough and she doesn’t distort facts about me if Lia ever asks where daddy is. Perhaps she doesn’t – perhaps she has a new daddy and that’s the only one she’s ever known. If he’s a good man and makes my daughter happy, then that’s something to be happy about.

    Maybe when she’s older Lia will start asking questions. Maybe she’ll even look for me. I can only make the trail easy to find.

    Danny Brown is father to a beautiful daughter and owner of Press Release PR, a boutique agency specializing in search engine optimized press releases and social media PR. He is also a blog partner of the iEntry and WebProNews network and an avid supporter of Toronto FC. Say hello to him on Twitter.

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    Home Alone With the Boys

    Eat your heart out, Michael Keaton

    I have worked for 14 years in consulting, managed projects of over 50,000 man-days of effort, run teams of 90+ people including some off-shore, and have been through some tense projects.  So the first time my wife left me home alone with my three boys, I figured (to quote City Slickers) “Scoop of chocolate, scoop of vanilla, don’t waste my time.” 

    I have always appreciated what my wife goes through at home, from shuttling around the kids to school, soccer practice, basketball practice, doctor’s appointments, working part time, you name it.  With me being on the road a few days a week and three kids at home, she is a trooper to say the least – I think daily about how she sacrifices herself to keep our household running.  The moral of the story before even starting – take a moment to appreciate how much moms go through raising young kids.  I hope I never take that for granted.

    My kids are a little older now, but a couple years ago I captured in an email to a friend what it was like to be left alone with the boys (then ages 5, 3 and 3-4 months, respectively).  I tried to keep a Bill Simmons-like journal of the evening, while my wife was out to a well deserved dinner with friends. 

    • 5:30pm – Mom says a quick goodbye just before the baby starts to cry, leaves while two older boys are playing quietly with legos in the playroom.
    • 5:32 – Garage door closes.  Kid #3 dozing comfortably in the baby swing.
    • 5:35 - #2 decides to destroy #1′s elaborate space station creation.  World War III ensues. I jump in to intervene before #3 wakes up, but am moments too late.
    • 5:45 – Kids calm again, now watching one of their shows on Tivo.  At this point I thank numerous divine influences for allowing Tivo to be invented.  #3 spits up over everything.  I think he’s left his “mark” on every article of clothing I own.
    • 5:52 - #3 changed, but cranky when he is put down.  He is now attached to my arm for the rest of the night.  Who needs the gym when you can carry your kids around for hours on end.
    • 6:02 – Microwave chicken nuggets complete, two plates at once in the microwave.  Feeling pretty good so far. I am a multi-tasking machine – eat your heart out Michael Keaton.
    • 6:10 – Both older boys kicking each other on the couch, I skillfully disrupt war with one hand and still manage to keep #3′s pacifier in.
    • 6:15 - #1 and #2 sit down for dinner and immediately complain about cold chicken nuggets.
    • 6:16 – Reheat complete.
    • 6:30 – Debate about bath versus shower ensues.  #1 adamantly votes for bath.  #2 says shower.  I suggest shower quickly, so we can play soccer with a nerf soccer ball in our bedroom.  #1 agrees.  #2 now wants a bath.
    • 6:44 – Showers complete, pajamas on, teeth brushed, hair brushed.  I’m living large and have the first official “I can totally do this” thought.
    • 6:48 – #2 takes the soccer ball away from #1 right before #1 is going to score a goal.  Meltdown in five… four… three…
    • 6:49 – CODE RED CODE RED – suddenly all kids are crying at once.  I am not sure why the baby is crying, another full diaper?
    • 6:55 – Indoor soccer game canceled, both kids in #2′s bed ready for reading books. I start reading one of the books -#3 is still on my arm.  One of two major highlights of the night:  #3 is staring at me like eyes WIDE open like the scene in the Blair Witch Project.  He actually starts cooing and making happy noises as my intonation changes.  Amazing what Dr. Seuss can do to a baby.Blair Witch
    • 7:16 - #2 lights out, we head to #1′s room.  #3 is happily enjoying the show.
    • 7:19 - #2 needs to pee.  Second highlight of the night: #1 looks at me holding #3, says “I’ll help him, dad,” gets up out of bed and heads out of the room to go help #2 in the bathroom.  I’m smiling ear to ear.
    • 7:35 - #1 out cold.  #2 out cold.  #3 out cold, still on my arm.  I get the Tivo remote, the phone, Sports Illustrated and crash with #3 on the couch.  <sigh>
    • 9:40 – Mom arrives home to sink full of dishes, legos and other toys everywhere, me sleeping on the couch, #3 sleeping in my arms and wet thru his diaper.

    Piece of cake.

    Adam Cohen is the proud dad of 3 boys, a fan of all sports in New England, and a partner at interactive marketing agency Rosetta.  He keeps a professional blog at http://adamhcohen.com and is a contributor to the Boston sports blog http://bigpapelbon.com.  Adam is also on twitter - drop by and say hello.

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    That's What She Said Wednesday: So Sick

    My daughter, Danni, has never been sick. Sure she has had the sniffles and she has gotten a mild fever but she has never vomited until last Wednesday.

    Danni had puked during snack time at school. Chelsea, my wife, went and got her. On the way home, Danni asked if she could have some juice. My wife pulled into Kroger to get some. While they were in the aisle for juice, Danni spotted cups. “Mommy I need cup.” As any parent who has had a sick child known you will pretty much do anything to make them feel better. My wife reached for the cheap Kroger brand cup. “Mommy I want Princess cup.” Chelsea caved and got her for the Princess cup.

    At the check out line, Danni saw a “Happy Birthday” balloon in the shape of a butterfly. “Oh pretty butterfly Mommy, can I have ballon.” Chelsea said no and this is what She (Danni) said,

    “Oh. So sick, tummy hurt. Oh mommy it hurts. So sick.”

    There was a Happy Birthday butterfly shaped balloon in her room when I got home.

    I blog almost daily at Buck’s Blog and have an on going segment over there called Daddy Dairies.

    Other posts by Buck Rogers:

    That’s What She Said: Mommy Sad

    A Quick Tip for Fathers of Newborns

    Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
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    Elan is a hip guy and he'll pull through

    If you were part of the ad/marketing technology scene in the Greater Washington metro area in the late nineties thru and past the millennium you most definitely know the name Mitch Arnowitz.  Mitch was the caretaker and the leader of a burgeoning marketing and PR community that could be found on the Netpreneur Exchange, which in an of itself was part of a regional project of the Marino Institute.

    One day, we all received an email entitled “One of our own is in need”.  It had to do with the tragic plight of the young son one of the list’s members, Allen Goldberg.  Alan’s son, Henry, had Fanconi anemia, a disease that was to take his life at age seven.  Henry’s parents have now founded Hope for Henry, and organization that, to quote from their website, “has developed a comprehensive program to create positive, enriching experiences for young patients being treated at the nation’s top pediatric oncology and hematology wards.”

    Mitch is a father himself and recently found out that his nine-year old son, Elan, is need.  Thank God it is not as tragic as the situation that affected Henry, but nevertheless, Elan’s illness is quite serious.  Elan has Perthes Disease, a condition that degenerate the hip.  The family has set up a website, called Elan is a Hip Guy, to tell of his progress.  I’ll cut and paste from “Elans Story”

    On November 7, Elan had an external fixator surgically mounted onto his hip. The fixator rests on the outside of his body and will be in place for 4 months. This device pulls the hip or femur bone back, allowing new cartilage to take shape. It is this cartilage that will ultimately form a new hip ball and socket for Elan. Once the fixator is removed, Elan will be in a brace for several months. He will then use crutches, a walker and wheelchair to get around.

    The key to this condition is to be ‘non-weight bearing’ until the new hip takes shape. Unfortunately, this process takes several years. The goal to any treatment plan is to create as round a ball as possible. This helps force a better outcome as Elan and his hips get older.

    The external fixator procedure is out of the experimental stage and being pioneered in the country by 2 surgeons, one of which will do Elan’s procedure in Baltimore, Maryland at the Rubin Institute’s International Center for Limb Lengthening. The center is part of Sinai Hospital. The center has been doing this work for the past 5 years and is seeing good results in older children.

    I’d ask that you take a look at the site and look at the smile of this beautiful child.  He seems to be a fighter.  You’ll see it in his smile.

    Mitch doesn’t know I’m writing this, but I’m going to extend and invitation to him to join us here on Dad-o-matic.

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    The End of Blogs

    I’ve always thought that the blogosphere is beginning to wallow in its own waste.  And here’s my proof:  Paul Boutin’s piece in this month’s Wired.  He’s predicting that the end is effectively near for folks like us and I half believe him.  Tweeter is what the blog was in 2004.  Most of us have witnessed the evolution from the unadulterated rant-form web log to the long-form industrialized post of 2008.  What’s the DoM of the 21st century?

    Bryan is found at Parenting Solved and tweets as Doctor_V

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    That's What She Said Wednesdays: Mommy Sad





    I should start by saying that I blog almost daily at Buck’s Blog and have an on going segment over there called Daddy Dairies.  I thought I start a weekly feature here at Dad-O-Matic called That’s What She Said.  Now take your mind our of the gutter.   My kid, as do all kids, says the craziest things at times.  I thought I share one a week with you.  That’s what She Said Wednesdays will be featured here first exclusively for a week and then moved to my blog.  First let me introduce the characters.

    Introducing Danni, she will be the main character of the play I call life.

    This is Danni and she talks a lot

    This is Danni and she talks a lot

    Next there is me: BuckDaddy

    This is me, I tend to listen a lot

    This is me, I tend to listen a lot

    Then there is my wife, Chelsea.  If anyone else enters a story I will be sure to post a picture of them too.

    It is near impossible to find a picture of my wife

    It is near impossible to find a picture of my wife

    On to the story.

    My wife likes to sing.  She sings to almost every pop song that comes out.  Chelsea has no formal training and American Idol will not be calling her anytime soon.  I should mention that I am not good at singing either.

    The other night I had just got home from work and was in the bedroom changing clothes.  My daughter was sitting (probably jumping on the bed) telling me about her day at school.  I was in the closet changing and picking out a t-shirt to bum around in.  i could hear my wife in the living room singing Pink’s So What.  Danni suddenly stopped talking.  This is usually a red flag because it means she is into something she is not supposed to.

    I peeked my head out of the closet and saw she wasn’t there.  I ventured into the living room and Danni was standing there staring at my wife as Chelsea sang.  Danni looked at me and said, “Ahh Mommy is so sad.  Give her hug Daddy.”  Danni then turned to Chelsea and said, “It’s okay Mommy stop crying Daddy here, he’ll hug and make better.”

    Chelsea doesn’t sing as loud anymore.

    Other posts by Buck Rogers:

    A Quick Tip for Fathers of Newborns

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    When lying is good

    A friend at work told me how he got his teenage daughter to stop lying years ago.

    After she told a lie, he said, “OK, you’ve shown your mom and me that it’s ok to tell a lie in this family. So we’re going to start lying to you.”

    “You can’t do that,” she protested. “You’re the parents.”

    A few days later ….

    “Dad, will you pick me up at the mall?”

    “Yup.”

    Never shows up. She can find her way home. Boy, was she pissed.

    Later, “Dad, will you pay so I can go to the whatever-it-was?”

    “Yes.”

    Didn’t pay. She couldn’t go.

    Now they joke about it. “Cured me from lying forever,” she says.

    What do you do when you really need to alter your child’s behavior?

    Good luck from a fellow Dad,

    Joe Hage

    …

    Other posts from Joe Hage: Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

    Mom and Dad on Strike

    Emploment Opprotunities

    Dad’s Life Lessons on the Wall

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    Stop With the Sanitising!

    I’ve had all I can stand, I can’t stand no more….this is one of my personal bugbears and, as a Dad, I have to rant about it.

    I am sick, sick SICK of hearing that for my surfaces to be ‘clean’ I need to have killed all the bacteria as well, for the sake of my children. What utter, pointless, dishonest, health-&-safety crap.

    Firstly, the bloody Dettol advert is in itself misleading. It states quite clearly that “1 bacteria can become 2 million overnight”, so you should use Dettol to be clean and safe. It then tells you it kills 99.9% of bacteria – thus ensuring that when you use it after dinner you’re going to leave 1% remaining. Which means you’ll be well past that 2 million count by breakfast anyway.

    Bacteria Maths 101:
    99.9% of 2 million = 1,998,000. Leaving 2000. So if 1 can get to 2 million overnight, that means even if you start with 2 million then use this, the next morning you’ll have two billion of the hardy little buggers, all of which come from the original stock that survived your chemical attack. Futile, innit?

    Secondly – who the hell says that every surface in the house needs to be sanitised to within an inch of its life? I don’t plan to eat sushi out of my sink, nor have a quick snack of steak tartare on my kitchen floor. For that matter, neither will my 3yo. And I’ll be making my son scrambled eggs, not performing an appendectomy on him (though if he wakes me up at 0530 again, I may feel some temptation. . . .)

    For the same reason, why on earth do I need to kill off every single bacteria present on the *inside* of my toilet? I want it looking clean, sure – but let’s face it, if I wake up thirsty in the night I’m probably going to grab a glass of water from the tap, not dip a glass into the lavatory bowl. Even if I’m pretty drunk.

    I believe – I truly, absolutely believe – that it’s hugely important for children to be *exposed* to bacteria. Pretty much all of us grew up playing outside, making (and probably eating) mud pies, splashing in puddles and $DEITY knows what else. Sure, some of us got sick. But the really cool bit is that our bodies defended us from the illness when we got sick, and in doing so developed in us a resistance for the next time some nasties came along.

    I know the ‘health and safety, protect kids at all costs’ would dearly love us to keep our offspring in sterile oxygen tents, breathing HEPA-filtered air scrubbed of any and all airborne pathogens – and they do their level best to guilt-trip us into doing so. But that’s not how we started, not how we evolved. We didn’t even have antibiotics until the 1940′s – we certainly lacked ‘anti-bacterial multi-surface biological cleany-sterilisy fluid stuff.

    Maybe I’m wrong – but if we already have a plethora of antibiotic-resistant pathogens because of historical over-prescribing of antibiotics, aren’t we increasing the risk to our children by reducing their exposure to the bacteria that surround us every day? Aren’t we forcing our kids back into the shallow end of the gene pool, and increasing their risk of contracting something really nasty at some unspecified future point?

    These adverts attempt to guilt-trip us into using their product to protect our children. I personally think that by their use, we’re doing the exact opposite.

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    Photo fun for free

    Inspired by fellow Dad-o-Matic author Brendon Connelly and his Photowalking with kids, here’s five easy steps to family fun.

    1. Get camera.

    2. Go to Party City or equivalent.

    3. Try on ridiculous hats / glasses.

    4. Photograph.

    5. Repeat.

    Have fun! From Joe, Beth, Zachary, and Lucas Hage!

    P.S. We bought Lucas’ birthday candles glasses. They broke almost immediately.

    ...

    Other Dad-o-matic posts by Joe Hage: Emploment opprotunities

    Dad’s Life Lessons: Rule #1

    Dad’s Life Lessons on the Wall

    Mom and Dad on Strike

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    The Amazing Flying Baby

    Mom’s and dads are different.  Moms are emotional, dads are physical.  You know, Venus and Mars.  More evidence:  The flying baby video that’s gone viral recently.  That’s no mamma swingin’ the baby.

    As an obviously phony work of video creativity, perhaps I’m spared as a baby doctor from telling the broadcast audience what’s painfully obvious:  Don’t try this at home.  Earlier this video had been available on YouTube but an apparent crisis of conscience has rendered the clip unavailable.  Probably a good idea.  I’m concerned that the imbeciles who spend their days trolling web videos would actually think that the smiling, gurgling baby depicted at the end serves as endorsement of its safety.  All this carries the danger of Jackass, only for dads.

    True confessions:  As a baby I would throw my son into the air and catch him on the way down.  While he seemed to enjoy it the real sport came with mom’s reaction.  Never caught on video.  And never dramatic enough to go viral.

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    Singing With My Daughter

    Elle loves music.  The second a song comes on the radio, she starts to sway and bop to the beat.  She has done this since she was 6 months old.  She is 13 months now.  We enrolled her in The Music Class several months ago, and she loves it.  Being the youngest, allows her to get away with sitting in the middle of the group and bop up and down as the rest of the group sings along with the instructor.

    We took Elle to the Halloween Music Class event here in Atlanta.  She loved dancing to the live band, and enjoyed hitting the drums when we were invited up to check out the instruments.

    I have tried to make a point of singing with her every morning when I drive her to day care.  It is a moment when Elle smiles and all the stresses of life fade away as we sing loudly along to The Music Class CD.

     

    Jeff Caswell

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    Domestic Blitz

    vacuums suck My family has been away for a few weeks. In fact, they’ve been away for enough weeks that I legitimately miss them deeply. Even the kids. I’m picking them up on Friday, which is a couple of days from now. Doing some back-of-the-Chinese-food-delivery-bag-left-on-the-table-for-days math, I realized: holy cow! That’s two days from now. Now, when I go away, I like coming home to the house being reasonably tidy, including cleaning up of blood stains, removal of Thomas trains from under my feet, a sense that I can see at least a corner of the kitchen table. Crud. I bet she’ll want the same thing waiting for her when she gets home.

    I was raised to be the kind of guy who does chores, and that there’s no such thing as “women’s work.” I’m modern in that regard. But I’ll admit something: I don’t really remember the last time I used the vacuum cleaner. There’s not a lot to it. On/off. Suck/stop sucking. I get that. But there are, shall we say, rules, about what goes into the tube. I forget the nuances of those.

    You see, both my children (6 and almost 3) believe that popsicle sticks (they eat a lot of those sugar free fruit bar things) belong wherever they finished the popsicle. So, even as much as we do the whole “clean up brigade” with them (my daughter prefers me hanging her upside down and bonking her head on the things she needs to pick up to just wandering around picking them up as requested), it turns out that there were at least four popsicle sticks on the floor when I started cleaning.

    Have you ever heard a vacuum cleaner try to eat a popsicle stick? Cool! I did 4 of them.

    I knew enough to lift the rugs up. We have about 200 rugs on our floors, which are poured concrete (we live in a factory loft space). Okay, not 200, but it feels that way. That’s because Kat’s sure that my son will split his skull open at any moment. (He probably would.) Under these rugs are some interesting things, including what looks like beach sand. It’s almost November. Oh well, I can get that, too.

    That rattling/hissing sound is very satisfying. It’s like the difference between vacuum cleaner commercials where they’re always sucking up a spilled potted plant and typical vacuuming, where guys go for those perfect carpet lines that show you did your chore. (I wish they sold carpets with those lines in there, like a permanent crease in pants).

    I did a bunch of those other things we’re supposed to do, like run the brush around the inside of the toilet, clean up all my Chinese food bags and diet Coke cans, and put all the bills (3,471 and counting) in a neat pile on the bookshelf.

    It’s what we’re supposed to do, right? It’s what Dads/husbands do to show that we really missed someone. I’m trying to think of all the other things a Mom/wife would do to welcome me home. I guess I can make my own crayon banner and pretend someone else’s kids did it.

    What else would you do?
    Photo credit, Robbie1

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    What are your video game rules?

    A delicious irony exists in our household. It’s the irony where a) we own every current game console, portable or otherwise, and b) No Game Playing Shall Occur During on School Nights, except on very rare, special occasions, say, being stuck home sick from school on Wednesday because someone has contracted a Medieval Bubonic Plague. You know. The big stuff.

    I’ve often held the belief that games are indeed the new movies: a storyline or narrative (although oftentimes a weak one), actors, thematic elements, genre, and sound, mixed with interactivity. This is showing to be truer over time, with blockbuster releases challenging the Hollywood box office, and even more recently– becoming an outlet for escapist entertainment.

    Part of my own personal interest in video gaming (outside of the relative Career Things and being an avid gamer myself), is the conceptual ‘reverse engineering’ of game concepts and elements as applied to education and curriculum, and bridging the gap between parent/educator and kids/gamers. Games like Sim City, for example, can be awesome tools for issues related to social studies and geography.

    That’s not saying, ‘oh, just throw out all those pesky textbooks and buy the children Nintendos!’. Not at all. It’s also not saying, ‘turn every waking moment into an educational experience’ either. Moderation is always key, regardless of the pastime. Kids need their space to play, explore, compete, win, and lose.

    This is where I turn the mic over to you. While not everyone embraces video games the way some of us do (read: turn it off and go outdoors (even if we might hate the outdoors ourselves)), games are quickly becoming a commonplace reality for today’s generation.

    What are the video game rules in your home? Possible thoughts that may elaborate on your answers may include the types of consoles, games, and ratings (do you bend a bit on ratings higher than your kids’ ages?) associated with your family’s game time. Do you play video games with your kids or watch them play?

    Jump into the conversation below and share your wisdom and experiences!

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    How Do You Deal With Rejection?

    230920081660 This week we experienced a moment of heart wrenching sorrow.

    Our third little one is heading to school next year. Already, as the Mums and Dads wait for the older kids to get out of school, she has a posse of friends. They play and carry on.

    She has a special friend, whose name I’ve heard a lot. Our third often refers to her as her "best friend".

    So when this girl turned to Lucy and said to her, "Stop following me!", It was for us very painful. Our little one, being rejected.

    Of course, the reality is that this is what happens in life. Siblings fight and are mean. Friends are mean. Kids and Adults alike are mean. I remember myself as a kid, man alive.

    So is there a line? What do you do? How do you respond to this, when it will continue to happen throughout life?

    How Do You Deal With Rejection, To And From Your Kids?

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    The Halloween Costume – It'll Give You Nightmares

    I’m going to admit it: I hate Halloween.

    There, I’m out of the closet, and for the record:

    • I don’t like chocolate, or what having a sack of the stuff laying around for a few days does to my sugar junkie kids.  Heck, by election day I’ll need to send them to glucose rehab.
    • How is it otherwise God fearing parents allow their kids to dress up as devils, witches and the like?  I’m not the most religious guy around, but I do want my kids to get a clear picture and the oxymoron that is Halloween is no help.
    • We don’t have nearby neighbors, so I have to drag the kids to the nearest development so they can beg for candy.  It makes me feel like a carpet bagger.

    Okay, that stuff I can probably live with.  By far, my biggest problem with Halloween is the costumes.  Every year the stuff at the costume shop seems to take another step towards Fredricks of Hollywood.  As a father, I am compelled to draw the line.  Which is really fun in my house, where the oldest has Asperger’s Syndrome, which manifests in an utter unwillingness to compromise.

    A few rules to live by for girls and Halloween:

    • Halloween is cold, so no exposed skin.  When it doubt, wear a leotard.
    • If the costume would display your belly button, you’re wearing a leotard.
    • Halloween involves a lot of walking, you should wear appropriate shoes.  Spike heels have no place on young girls.
    • If the costume is too suggestive, as defined by your dad, you’re not wearing it.
    • If you’re over 10, you need to make your own costume, at home, with stuff from the house, and yes, all of the previous rules still apply, possibly even more so.
    • Even in costume, you still are a representative of this family, and will act accordingly.

    With those rules, Dad won’t be needing a costume himself.  Everyone is already going to see him as an Ogre, but when you get right down to it, it’s the right thing for a Dad to do.

    Unfortunately, I didn’t get these rules in place this year before the kids got their costumes.  This is the first year I wasn’t there and hadn’t set the ground rules.  Luckily, mom handled it exactly the way I would have (and probably better), although she did have to invoke the “You’re wearing a Leotard” clause.

    Hope this helps, let’s hear your Halloween stories.  And yes, as much as I dislike the holiday, I’ll be dressing up and taking the kids out.  Because that’s what Dads do.

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    Our Children's Friends: Encouraging Positive Friendships

    Picture Courtesy of chartingnature.com

    This past Sunday our church pastor was doing a sermon on friendship.  The title? “When your backs against the wall…..You have to have friends”.   Without going into a sermon of my own, the gist of the lecture was that you’ve got to have “good, solid friends.”  These friends are the ones that listen and comfort when you are down, share in your joy when you are up, and hold you accountable when you’re falling off the beaten path.  These friendships are essential for everyone.

     

    Well, this got me thinking about my daughters.  Although I’m a few years off from having to worry too much about whom my girls spend their time with and play with, I thought I would generate some discussion for those of you who have to deal with this now.

     

    As your kids go through elementary school, middle school, and into high school, how do you keep “tabs” on who your kids are hanging out with?  Better yet, how do you help encourage your kids to choose their friends wisely?  How do you encourage them to build positive friendships that will help make them better human beings, while also encouraging them who to avoid?  Or, is it better to let them go their own way, and learn from any mistakes or successes they have?

     Please share your stories/insights/advice, as I’m sure many parents in this great community we have built here at Dad-O-Matic have contemplated the same questions.

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    Talk to Your Kids About the Poor

    October 15th is Blog Action Day 2008 and the emphasis this year is on poverty. Bloggers from around the world are participating and, hopefully, increasing awareness about those who live in poverty in our own communities and around the globe.

    I have found this event to be a particularly good opportunity to talk to my own kids about those who are less fortunate. Don’t get me wrong, we have been dangerously close ourselves to not being able to pay the bills on a few occasions. Fortunately, a new contract or a new client would come through right in time to avoid real trouble. And, even more fortunately, we always had family to lean on if we really needed them.

    According to Alan Graham, of Mobile Loaves and Fishes in Austin, Texas, having a family support system is most often the key to avoiding actual homelessness. Talking with Alan, I learned that many of the stereotypes associated with being homeless are exaggerated or just plain wrong.

    For example, veterans make up a very large part of the nationwide group who have no place to call home. Only about 25% of the homeless population in the United States actually suffer from alcohol and drug addiction. Hardly anyone actually wants to be homeless. Most would change their circumstances if they could.

    Hiu_banners

    After discussing it with my kids and getting their full encouragement, I’m going to join Alan Graham, Bob Carlton, and a small group of volunteers, for a 24-Hour Street Retreat Immersion with the homeless. It’s a no-frills, sleep-on-the-street, experience.

    We’ll be twittering (I’m @MikeChapman) and sharing our observations throughout the day. A bigger group of supporters will be blogging, podcasting and doing video segments during the same time period.

    The goal is to put a face on the homeless by actually by getting to know them in person. We want to develop actual relationships with real people that will last beyond Blog Action Day.

    I know I’ll only be on the street for 24 hours and then I’ll be back in my comfortable home, with my kids, in time to spend the evening with them. I am very fortunate.

    Hopefully, though, it’ll help me to remember what the truly poor and homeless go through every day in Austin and around our country and the rest of the world. Alan tells me it’ll change me. I believe him.

    I’m especially hopeful that my children and I will always remember that the homeless are real people, with hopes and dreams of their own, and who need our love and support.

    The montage of ‘hunger is unacceptable’ photos above is courtesy of the Capital Area Food Bank in Austin, Texas. The Food Bank is also leading the way in Texas to address these critically important issues.

    Amplify

    The Gummy Bear Song

    I feel SO behind the times!
    Not only do my 2 and 3 year old LOVE this song…I caught my 3 year old moving the mouse by herself to replay this about 5 times in a row.  Do your kids know this one?  The Gummy Bear Song and it’s been on YouTube for a year, with combined views from various sources of 20 million plus (and that’s just in English).   The source of the video doesn’t allow this to be embedded, but click on the picture to start the fun – and make sure your young ones are close by when you do!

    The Gummy Bear - 20 million YouTube hits combined

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    He Didn't Have to Be

    One thing I’ve learned through experience is that raising a child makes you a father, not simply the act of procreation. Far too many men can do the latter but a precious few ever even try to be the former. I respect and admire anyone that accepts the sacrifice and challenge of raising a child these days. I have even more admiration for those parents-especially dads-that choose to share the responsibilities of raising a child that another man fathered. It takes a special man to understand that these children need father figures no matter whose DNA they possess. 

    I know as a fact that there’s no difference in the way you love a child whether they are blood or adopted. My son Nicholas was adopted at birth and I love him as much as my other two children that we had. Honestly, I never think of him as “adopted” and even saying this is surprising because I think of him as my own flesh and blood. 

    The following song called “He Didn’t Have To Be” by Brad Paisley tells a wonderful story about the powerful impact a man can have a child’s life. He talks about this man who came in his momma’s life when he was a boy and not only made her happy but also her boy by being a wonderful father. It’s a beautiful sentiment that isn’t as common as it should be. Too many men shirk their duties or avoid responsibilities, especially if the child isn’t their own (what a horrible expression!). 

    I want to thank all you dads out there, especially those that are loving and raising children that share another man’s DNA. It’s the greatest calling in life, being a parent. These little girls and boys just want a dad to call their own. The guy who tucks them in at night, plays with them and love them unconditionally. 

    Here are the lyrics

    “He Didn’t Have To Be”

    When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
    It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
    My momma used to wonder if she’d ever meet someone
    Who wouldn’t find out about me and then turn around and run 

    I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
    He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
    A few months later I remember lying there in bed
    I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she’d say yes 

    And then all of a sudden
    Oh, it seemed so strange to me
    How we went from something’s missing
    To a family
    Lookin’ back all I can say
    About all the things he did for me
    Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
    That he didn’t have to be 

    I met the girl that’s now my wife about three years ago
    We had the perfect marriage but we wanted somethin’ more
    Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends
    Crowded ’round the nursery window as they bring the baby in 

    And now all of a sudden
    It seemed so strange to me
    How we’ve gone from something’s missing
    To a family
    Lookin’ through the glass I think about the man
    That’s standin’ next to me
    And I hope I’m at least half the dad
    That he didn’t have to be 

    Lookin’ back all I can say
    About all the things he did for me
    Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
    That he didn’t have to be 

    Yeah, I hope I’m at least half the dad
    That he didn’t have to be
    Because he didn’t have to be
    You know he didn’t have to be

    Amplify

    A Toddler Taught Adversity Lesson

    My name is Eric Peterson and I’ve been given the opportunity, by Chris, to be able and participate in this wonderful writing project.  First, let me say “thank you Chris,” and second, let me say it’s an honor to be able to share with all of you.

    With that, I thought I would actually pull an old post that I had written for my “home” blog about a year ago (actually, it’ll be a year tomorrow).  This post is about one of the many lessons I have learned from one of my daughters, who was 2-1/2 at the time.  Please remember that this text is verbatim from a previous post that was written a year ago. 

    A Toddler Taught Adversity Lesson!!  You know….sometimes children can make the best professors!!

    The Story (written 10/11/07)
    My wife and I had a scare a few nights ago. After putting our 2-1/2 year old daughter into bed for the night we retreated downstairs for a movie. About 30 minutes in we heard a large crash come from upstairs. I ran upstairs to find my daughter standing at the foot of her bed screaming in pain. At the time I was sure that she had fallen off her bed, but I wasn’t sure what exactly had happened (a day later we figured out that she was jumping on her bed in the dark and fell off).

    When I picked her up by the armpits she began to scream hysterically. I knew something wasn’t right, but all I could get out of her was her neck hurt. We called my in-laws to come over and watch our 3 month old. Upon their arrival we left for the ER (this was around 10:30 pm).

    To shorten the story a bit (and to get on to the “adversity lesson”), after some x-rays, some Tylenol with codeine, and 2-1/2 hours in the ER, it was confirmed that my daughter had broken her collarbone. Luckily, it is “cracked” and not broken all the way through, so we hope the healing time will only be a few weeks instead of upwards of 6 weeks.

    The Lesson (written 10/11/07)
    Fast forward a couple days now! Watching my daughter, I have really seen how she has been able to adapt to her situation. Life has thrown her a minor league curve ball, and she is handling it quite well.

    See, she loves to play. She is a very active girl. She is also a very smart girl, and she has figured out how to do some of her favorite activities without inflicting pain onto her left arm. It’s neat to see her figure out how to stand up and sit down, get off the couch, color, play with her dolls, play in her kitchen, all her favorite activities, and doing them with a temporary disability. A little adversity has come her way (in the form of a broken collarbone), and she has dealt with it and been able to accomplish the very same things she was accomplishing before “The Fall.” Needless to say, it is a pretty proud moment in her mother and father’s eyes (of course, along with the sympathy we have for seeing her in pain)!

    Children can be so inspirational. It’s neat to see how they grow and develop, and even teach adults important lessons. So, that was my toddler taught adversity lesson. Or maybe it was actually a lesson on “independence” or “perseverance” or “toughness.” At any rate, it’s another valuable lesson from a special child! Do you have any “lessons learned” from your kids? How about from others in general?

    Amplify

    Thanks

    I’d like to say thankyou to Chris Brogan. Since this place went live, a few weeks back, I’ve been reading and commenting with great gusto. 

    It is really encouraging to hear other “internet” (for want of a better word, nerd, geek, computer guy, ..) Dad’s writing about what matters to them. Love. Sacrifice. Presence. And not just in the posts, but the comments too.

    Even though it’s only been a short time, there seems to be a great sense of community already developed/ing. 

    Kudos Chris! Thankyou for the opportunity to join this wonderful group of Dad’s giving forth voice.


    Amplify

    Limitless Love

    I’ve always loved this piece called “Loving Two” by an unknown author. I was moved when I first read it many years ago long before I became a dad and it touches me even more today. I understand it so much more now. It’s such a profound and emotional experience to be blessed with one child and all the more so when you are  fortunate enough to have more.

    What you never expect and what shocks you is how you start to feel a little guilty about having to spend more time and love on the new addition to the family because it means taking time and attention away from the previous child. In time you realize that your capacity to love is far greater than you ever realized before. That’s when you learn that your capacity to love is indeed limitless. For example, when a new baby arrives, you don’t love your other children any less, just differently.

    I’ve always thought this same principle could apply to husbands and fathers.  When a married couple has a child, it’s natural for the wife to start evolving into her maternal role. Where the man was once her main focal point, the new born supercedes him. It’s a monumental task for every man to accept this harsh reality. “I will never be her only true love of her life ever again!” Every man must learn to share his beloved bride with the new born child. Give up their precious time together, attention and to a degree, even the love and affection that was once in abundance. It is like the death of one life but the birth (in more ways than one) of an entirely new and better life.

    Slowly, in time, the shock and awe is replaced with sheer joy and wonder. You’re both amazed by the radical changes of emotions that transpire between the both of you. Soon you learn that the heart is an amazing muscle that can love more than one and not sacrifice the depth and meaning of it all. You both begin to love each other in entirely new ways as you learn how to raise this child you’re raising and loving together. As the size of your family grows with each new addition so too does the heart. You learn that the heart has no limits when it comes to love.

    Here is something you will never forget…

     

    Loving Two

    I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

    Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

    I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me.” And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing in fact, that I never can again.

    You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

    But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him – as though I am betraying you.

    But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

    More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

    But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

    I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

    I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

    And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never have to share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

    I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

    Amplify

    A Duty and Responsibility.

    I had one of those conversations today that not only gives me something to blog about Dad but to also raise a question for the readers.

    I went with Sharon to the Family care clinic to get  Harry ( now 1month old ) weighed and checked up and generally assessed for health. I was not that surprised to walk into a room that was basically lots of mums with babies and toddlers  and a few of the care staff bustling around. However there was at least one other Dad there and we gave each other that look which said ‘okay now I am not totally surrounded!.

    I am a fairly hands on Dad for no other reason than I believe that is what your supposed to be. I’ll change nappies (  Americans will say diapers ), I will do feeds ( though I find the breast feeding a challenge! ) and I  will check with Sharon if she needs a drink or something to eat or just a break all round. All the while  corralling Alyssa who is now 4 and frankly louder than her father. but I digress.

    What caught me out was the level of delight and praise that was being lauded upon me for ‘taking part’ for giving Harry his bottle and for being at the clinic with Sharon, I was encouraged to feel proud that I was an active Dad. Now it might just be my British sense of embrassment or possibly ( more likely ) my general stubbornness to accept praise but I had to take issue with the comments.

    Whilst I am very proud to be a Father, and frankly a relatively inexperienced Father at that, I felt that there was an unjustified view that ‘Men’ in general do not take part in their childrens care and management.  I know that my own Father ( for whom Harry was named ) was just as involved in my own and my Sisters upbringing as I am with my children.  I wonder if there is a  myth about men and child care that goes right up there with women in the workplace if some of the ‘traditional views’ are more misplaced than real.

    When Jeff Pulver spoke to me a week after Harrys birth he asked me how I was doing. My response at the time suprised me. Rather than make the usual remarks about sleep and energy levels I responded.

    “Im running on duty and responsibility”

    A duty to my wife and my family and a responsibility that comes out of that. To be there and to take part in the  care and provision of their wellbeing. These things dont make me feel ‘proud’ or seeking a sense of approval but they feel like things which being a Father simply should be.

    How about yourself ?

    Amplify

    Dad, the Cleaner…(part 1) – Diaper Confusion

    The all to familiar diaper section.

    I guess you never notice diapers (except for making the occasional Depends joke) in drug stores and super markets but when you have a child, diapers become mission #1 and all of a sudden you’re faced with buying ‘em, changing ‘em and what ever else you do with ‘em.

    So, I made a trip out to the drug store last week for diapers and that’s all I was told…. NEVER tell a man general information! Be specific, otherwise we’ll come home with something nowhere near what is actually needed. When I got to the store, and finally found the illusive “diaper” area, I was presented with (probably) a million different brands, sizes and absorbency types. Needless to say I was completely clueless, and contemplated quietly turning around and wrapping her up in a bath rag or paper towels. What size? Huh?

    I guess I took for granted that the amount of diapers we got at our baby shower was enough. Who knew a thing so small could sh*t that much. I’m blown away with the sheer amount of #2′s my daughter is capable of in a day. So anyway, I thought I wouldn’t have to do this, because of the massive stock from the shower, but low and behold, here I am…sigh…the day has arrived, the baby shower stock is GONE!

    Now Sylvia has been home for about a month, give or take a few days and – I’m so exhausted from being on standby, the day job, domestic homework and lets not forget to mention my wife; who resembles more of a walking zombie woman of the dead [read: Sleep, Sleep, NO SLEEP!] trying to make sure she’s supported the best I can – some of these diapers are listed in weeks, months and weight, WTF? How do I know where my daughter is? I overheard that while at her two-week stay at the hospital she managed to grow two diaper levels (whatever that means). How do I know when she has upgraded? There has got to be an easier way. But wait there’s more?!

    This is today’s Trials of Being Dad!

    Michael J. Carrasquillo is a NYC musician, filmmaker, speaker, organizer of NYC Media Makers & new father. He blogs at Issue De ‘Quillo and produces a podcast called “The Trials of Being Mike” and an upcoming podcast called “moments”. You can follow him on Twitter @mjcarrasquillo.

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    The Elephant Song

    Today our daughter turned 1 year old. She loves music and there are two people/ groups that seem to really have figured out how to create musical experiences that kids – well our daughter – love.

    The first is Eric Herman…the creator of the famous Elephant Song.

    The Elephant Song

    This is a fun song and video that kids must love, given that it has been viewed 2.5 MILLION times. Eric has a number of CDs and MP3s that you can download from his site. But it is really cool that he gives this song away…and its a smart marketing idea. Give away a song that kids go cookoo for cocopuffs over and the parents are more than likely to buy a CD or MP3 down the road. As a side note, the Elephant Song is the best of his songs…in my daughters opinion.

    The second group isThe Music Class . It is an early childhood music education company designed to unleash the musical potential of young children. Featuring our award winning music, engaging activities, CDs, teacher training, and curricula, we are proud of the high standards we set in the field of early childhood music education.

    This is a far more interacting, social class that allows kids to play, sing and dance along to the music and the instructor. It is not fancy…but it feels authentic.

    Both of these musical finds have really helped our daughter enjoy music.

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    How Well Do Your Children Know You?

    The proof copy of my dad’s memoir arrived today: Can You See God in This Picture?: A Letter to My Sons Making Sense of 25 Years as a Pastor.

    Because I’m an author and publisher, my father asked me to read through and edit the manuscript, written as a letter to me and my two brothers. Naturally, I knew many of the stories already. I knew he had started out pastoring a church in West Cape May, New Jersey, before I was born and that we had moved to Western Pennsylvania when I was very young. I remembered him refinishing our upright piano in the basement, yelling at me to stay out because it was dangerous, and then ending up in the hospital from breathing the fumes because he wasn’t using proper safety protocol. And I remember, even more vividly and emotionally than he, leaving tiny Burgettstown, PA, and moving 76 miles away to Sharpsville, and then again 588 miles more into the Boston area.

    Reading his book, however, what captivated me and surprised me was all that I did not know, even about experiences I myself had lived through.

    • I did not know that when we had moved from New Jersey to the Pittsburgh area, he had made the decision unilaterally, in order to pursue his dream, without first discussing it with my mother! Maybe you’re tsk-tsking him about that, but you don’t know Dad. I do. And I wouldn’t believe it had he not said it himself, written it down in his own words. I still don’t know if I believe it to be true.

    • I knew my grandfather had died before I was even born. What I didn’t know was how close he and Dad were, and how traumatic an experience his passing had been to Dad.

    • When he refinished the piano, I didn’t know that he was doing it to escape depression. I didn’t know he was immersing himself in this almost useless project because of the stress he was under. I didn’t know he had been planning to leave us in the morning and make an unannounced trip back to New Jersey. I didn’t know that his ending up in the hospital was God’s way of keeping him here with us and showing him how important we were to him.

    • I knew first-hand that most churches are filled more with politics than with nice people who love Jesus. What I never really understood was how poorly Dad dealt with conflict. He very much reminds me of a fictional character, Mira, I created for my novelette series. She does things for many of the same reasons he does. I created Mira before I understood this about my own father, and reading his memoir switched on a lightswitch somewhere in my heart. Like, suddenly, I understood.

    • As I said, I remember leaving Burgettstown. That was an emotionally difficult time in my life. What I didn’t know was how difficult it was for Dad, too. Nor did I really understand why he left a friendly, thriving church to become General Secretary/Treasurer of the denomination. Back then, I didn’t really think about the reason. And today, in retrospect, “It’s just time to move on” doesn’t seem like a good enough reason. “I still had a lot to learn” does, however.

    What your kids don’t know…

    As a kid, there was so much about my father I didn’t know. Even into adulthood, we’ve continued to be a close family. And still there were so many things I didn’t know, so many things he had never found the words to tell me.

    Are there things about me that my kids don’t know? And should they know them?

    Would I have been better off had I known back then what Dad was going through?

    On the one hand, childhood is a time for running and playing, free from the burdens of adult life. We parents protect our children from concerns they can’t do anything about, because that would just make them worry. We grups are crotchety, not because we’re old, but because we care.

    On the other hand, childhood is a learning time, and I’d like to think kids can absorb what happens to their parents without becoming overwhelmed by it. As long as your child knows that you love her, she can probably take a lot more than you give her credit for. And telling her and showing her that you love her is probably just as good for you as it is for her. Besides, maybe they have a right to know what’s wrong with their daddy.

    But letting our children in on these things requires vulnerability. And that’s what I saw most in my dad’s memoir, vulnerability. He told me that of all the people he mentions in the memoir, no one really comes out looking bad, except for him. After reading it, I agree. But as a writer, let me tell you, vulnerability is where passion and poignancy come from.

    And I’m thinking now that maybe it’s also where wisdom comes from. What if you had to reach down into your soul and explain to your kids why you quit your job to pursue your dream? Or why you work at a job that keeps you away from them? I’m not saying that either A or B is the right or wrong choice. I’m only asking: What if I had to reach down deep into my soul and explain my choices to my kids? What wisdom would I end up imparting to them?

    I’m not sure I know the answers. But I do know, I’m glad my dad imparted that wisdom to me before he ran out of time, because it’s at least nice to know that he didn’t know what he was doing back then any better than I do now.

    -TimK

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    Requesting your Presence

    The 10-year-old me would disagree with the 30-something me, but we have a tendency to overindulge our children with things, when in fact what they really need is our presence.

    While catching up with a friend recently, who has three kids of his own, we discussed the everyday challenges of being a father.  We both have similar work lives, with frequent travel and work hours that stretch well beyond 9-5 and Monday through Friday.

    Personally, my dad worked for weeks at a time away from home while I was growing up, (the topic for another post), so I’m familiar with the strains this type of life can put on the relationship between parent and child.  And, having lived through it myself, I can now say that the challenge is harder on the parent than on the child.

    Knowing the similarities between my friend and I, I asked him what truisms he’s happened upon that offer balance between work dad and home dad.

    He said that the gift that he now gives his children and himself is the gift of presence.  Whenever he is with his children, he is with them completely.  He isn’t checking e-mail while waiting in line for lunch.  He isn’t talking to a colleague while driving to the beach.  He’s present for his children every minute they’re together.

    Try giving your children the gift of presence the next time you’re with them, and you might find that you’re the one who gets the reward.

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    Why can't my Father get farther online?

    I was helping my father to get online just a few days ago – I helped him buy a wireless USB adaptor, so that he could share his neighbour’s wireless wi-fi signal (with her full permission, I should say).

    However, I’d forgotten just how much of a pain it was to install a new device. Following the instructions, and using the manufacturers software, this new device just did not work – no connection could be made at all. Just not happening. Using my own hard-won knowledge, I disabled some software, had to restart a few times, and then finally got it all working in about half an hour.

    I had planned to install some free anti-virus software, make sure the firewall was configured and working, and change the browser to one I can set up to open with the key pages he needs, and with the defaults for legibility that help him to see what’s going on. I also was going to set up his email account for him, setting up a new mailbox on one of the domains I own.

    Pause for 200+ downloads

    But I couldn’t do any of that, as there were about 270 different software updates trying to download and install themselves, as the machine had not been online since it was bought. I realised it would take about 2 hours for all of this to download and install, and only then could I make the computer secure against viruses and attack, and get the preferred browser installed. So I said I’d come back to do this when I had more time – and guess what, I still have not had that time.

    My father, who is an intelligent and intellectually curious man, watched some of this process in silent perplexion, and then asked me whether he should just take the new hardware back to where he got it, and perhaps consider getting a better, more modern computer. (It’s a year old, roughly). He knew it was fairly inexpensive, but if it was a TV or a Car, he said, he wouldn’t put up with this sort of pointless time-wasting and unreliability, especially when the instructions were so clearly wrong.

    And indeed, why should he put up with these sorts of problems? If the web is going to engage and excite people, getting online and getting things done needs to be simple, safe, and reliable. And it’s not.

    I remember setting up my new cable broadband at home a few years ago – it was pretty easy, and it works really well, but the email account I was given (which I never intended to use, as I know how to set up my own domain and email) managed amazingly to get over 80 really nasty spam emails within a day of it being activated – and without my giving the address to anyone. Had I not had better knowledge (having been online since 1987), I’d probably still be resigned to deleting dozens of offensive messages every day, and I’d be paying money every month or year just to keep malicious viruses from trashing the data on my computer, or allowing someone to go on a spending spree with my card or bank details.

    How can we expect people to trust, use, contribute to, and enjoy using the internet if it is still so damn difficult to get started with it, and keeping going with it involves endless downloads, updates, and restarts – never mind getting a whole inbox full of worrying hoaxes with offensive and potentially dangerous payloads?

    Is this too much to ask?

    It’s a question that hardware and software makers, as well as internet service providers, really need to address, because there is a huge potential audience out there that will use more, buy more, share more and get more fun and enjoyment from the online world – if only they could simply understand how to get ‘the net’ into their lives simply, reliably, and safely.

    At the moment, that seems near to impossible, and I think there must be huge numbers of people simply giving up on using the internet, because no matter who they turn to for help, it’s confusing, unreliable, costly, frustrating, and therefore, just a waste of their time.

    And so, smart, educated people like my Dad will stick with the cost and relative inefficiency of 35mm film, ordering by telephone, printed mail order catalogues, and walking to the bank to pay in and withdraw money for all the right reasons – because it’s clear, and it works, and they can trust it.

    I think we have a long way to go before the phrase “it’s clear, it works, and you can trust it” can be used to describe getting online and checking your inbox – and that’s not fair, nor is it good for business. The absence of those many millions of people, in the age of social media, is a huge loss to everyone who is online – not least because Ron Petherick would be an absolute must-follow on Twitter!

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    Ward Cleaver Did Us Wrong

    Ward Cleaver (played by Hugh Beaumont)

    I’m going to admit it right here, right now:  I am not a Super Dad.  You know the guys, the ones that no matter what event you go to, they are there with their kids, only they probably got there a little earlier, and are undoubtedly better prepared.  Deep down you wonder how they manage to actually find the time to work with the time commitment they make to their children.

    As much as I’d love to think I’m Ward Cleaver, dressed ever so nattily in a wool suit, pipe clenched lightly in my lips as I prepare to pass judgement on the Beaver’s latest antics, I’m not.  Unfortunately, in my heart, I suspect I bear a closer resemblance to a certain donut loving animated character, and I’m betting a lot of you are do as well.

    You see, we bought into the myth of the perfect father.  The truth is that even those Super Dads we may secretly envy have many of the same fears .  Yes, Ward is indeed worried about the Beaver, and the truth is that deep down, we’re all worried.  

    I had a friend confide in me one time shortly after he became a father that he felt paralized with fear.  His wife had been in a minor fender bender with his son in the car and he had come to the cold realization that as much as he could try, he could never completely protect his child.  I reassured him, not that his fears were wrong, but that his fears were correct, that what he was feeling was something we all feel at some point.  

    Ward Cleaver did us wrong.  He made it look simple, he never got ruffled, and we can all be dead certain he never spent a sleepless night worrying about whether he was doing the right thing for his child.

    The truth for the modern father is that things aren’t that simple, and it seems they get harder every day.  

    How do you, as a father, deal with the fear that comes with fatherhood?  What advice do you give to your friends when they become fathers for the first time?

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    I Want Benedryl Back

    sleep Reading this post about how it’s a Federal offense to buy too much cold medicine has me bummed out. You see, this impacts things like Benedryl, which we’ve been permitted by our doctor to give to my daughter from time to time when she can’t sleep. She often has a racing mind and can’t find her own way down to sleep, and sometimes, Benedryl helps.

    The law is meant to combat people making crystal meth. Instead, it impacts me trying to help my daughter find occasional peace before bed.

    Not really sure what I want to say here, but man, I sure don’t like when laws have unintended consequences. Oh, and I’m writing this at 3:51 AM in my time zone. I wish I could get a little sleep, too.

    Photo credit, Tom@HK

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    The First Birthday Party

    OK…so my daughter is 11.5 months…which means her first birthday party is days away.  I don’t remember my first birthday party, but if the pictures of that event tell a story, it is that it was a simple affair.  My family and my parent’s neighbors were there.  There was a cake and there was candles.  And I am sure it was super fun.

    But this is 2008, and birthdays are no longer simply a way to get family together to mark a passing of a year.  Birthday parties are EVENTS.  Cakes are no longer slightly burnt made at home affairs…they are bakery crafted works of art.  Entertainment is no longer singing and party favors…they are rented jumping houses…and the guest list reads more like a society event then a list of uncles, aunts and cousins.

    But I love 2008…and I love my daughter.  So I am diving right in and I am excited to celebrate my little joy’s birthday.  And given that we are Canadians living in the USA, we of coarse will be flying to Toronto for a second party with our family and Canadian friends…more designer cakes…and another jumping house. 

    But at the end of the day, the best moments are those laughing together and teaching our daughter how to clap, laugh, jump and walk.  That is what we will remember in 30 years…not the parties.

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    Fears Of A New Father

    Cool Falls BoysMy son was born a little over three years ago now. He surprises me daily with a new word, phrase or expression that makes me laugh. Friday at dinner, I was annoyed we were out of ketchup. He cocked his head to one side and said, “It’s okay, Daddy … you’ll live.”

    Fatherhood has grown on me, as it does other men. In addition to Grant, I now have a five-month-old daughter, Katie. I’ve come to know that, as fathers, we don’t always know the answers, but we manage nonetheless.

    But the intimidation of being a new father is something I’ll never forget. Fortunately, I was blogging then on an old personal blog that no longer exists. This is what I published on March 11, 2005, just 10 days before Grant was born. I thought it was an appropriate first share as a contributor to DadOMatic since it was my initial foray into fatherhood itself.

    The nursery is finished. The crib is built. All the clothes sized for newborns are washed with the special detergent for such articles. There are shelves full of stuffed animals and colorful toys. The cradle my mother once used to rock me to sleep is along side our bed with a music-playing mobile clamped to one end.

    The cabinet that used to contain stadium cups and water bottles is now lined with neat rows of plastic baby bottles in various sizes. The rack that used to contain earth-toned pot holders is now draped with lightly colored bibs.

    I even opened the hall closet yesterday and was conveniently buried by eight Sam’s Club-sized boxes of diapers. If there is a such thing as being ready for a baby, I don’t know if my wife and I are, but our house certainly is.

    I walked into the nursery the other night and turned on the Winnie the Pooh lamp sitting on the Winnie the Pooh table. I studied the Winnie the Pooh prints that I hung around the room and quietly counted the Winnie the Pooh stuffed teddy bears sitting on one shelf. I ran my hand along the edge of the crib, decorated with Winnie the Pooh linens, and rubbed a Winnie the Pooh onezie on the top of a basket of clothes.

    My mind wandered through fields of wonder and over valleys of fear as I finally allowed it to grasp the reality of the coming days. I smiled and I scowled. I laughed and I cried.

    Becoming a father is single most important transition I will ever make. This isn’t a house project or even a new job. I am not allowed to screw this up. Yet, I have no experience or credentials to show that I am remotely capable of doing this.

    My father — and he admits this — didn’t exactly provide good role modeling. For the first 10 years of my life, the most important decade in the development of a young man, there weren’t many men around for me to model myself after. The only consistent one was my uncle, for whom my son will be named. While my stepfather turned out to be one of my best friends and most important influences as I matured, my impressions of the world around me and how I interacted with them were formed long before he came on the scene.

    Family and friends encourage me, saying that I was 11 when my brother and sister were born, so I know how to take care of a baby from my years of being the built-in babysitter. While that is all true, there is a vast canyon of difference between wiping something’s butt and building someone’s character. I can change a diaper. I don’t know if I can shape a mind.

    So, the house is ready and the hospital bags are packed. The if-then scenarios with taking time off work have been ironed out and shared with the principle players. We have a call tree to spread the news and commitments from parents and family for visiting and helping out once he’s born.

    But the new dad may not be ready for this.

    I want more than anything to be a good father for my child. I want to protect him and teach him and enlighten him and care for him. I want to teach him about the world. I want to answer his questions and ease his fears.

    I want to teach him to play catch and help him build a fort and take him to the beach and show him how to ride a bike. I want to take him to a baseball game and watch him play a few himself.

    I want to teach him to not judge others and to treat everyone with respect. I want him to grow up wise, responsible and kind.

    But perhaps most importantly, I want him to one day sit in the soft-lit nursery looking at the decorations and running his hands over the terrycloth jumpers in the final weeks of the pregnancy and not be afraid to be someone’s dad.

    And I have no earthly idea how to do that.

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    Father and Son

    The song “Father & Son” by Cat Stevens has become increasingly poignant and powerfully meaningful to me as I raise my three children. They continue to grow up faster than I want them to but what can you do about it? All I can do is try to be the best example I can be and shower them with all the love I can and share whatever wisdom I’ve got. Who knows how much of it will “stick” but we must try our best every day to prepare them for the real world out there. Gosh, the thought of them living on their own sends shivers down my spine. Someone once said, “Having a child is like living the rest of your life with your heart outside your body”. So true.

    Here’s the wonderful Cat Stevens performing his classic “Father & Son” some 35 years apart. The first from 1972 (original music video and a live performance) and one from 2007. Checkout the lyrics below. Keep in mind that this song is actually a conversation between a father and son, not just from the dad’s perspective as most people think.

    Also, here’s a  recent remake by Ronan Keating featuring Cat Stevens aka Yusuf Islam. I love all the photos of fathers and sons in the video.

    Here are the lyrics.

    Father
    Its not time to make a change,
    Just relax, take it easy.
    Youre still young, thats your fault,
    Theres so much you have to know.
    Find a girl, settle down,
    If you want you can marry.
    Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.

    I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy,
    To be calm when youve found something going on.
    But take your time, think a lot,
    Why, think of everything youve got.
    For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

    Son
    How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
    Its always been the same, same old story.
    From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
    Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
    I know I have to go.

    Father
    Its not time to make a change,
    Just sit down, take it slowly.
    Youre still young, thats your fault,
    Theres so much you have to go through.
    Find a girl, settle down,
    If you want you can marry.
    Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.
    (son– away away away, I know I have to
    Make this decision alone – no)
    Son
    All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
    Its hard, but its harder to ignore it.
    If they were right, Id agree, but its them you know not me.
    Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
    I know I have to go.
    (father– stay stay stay, why must you go and
    Make this decision alone? )

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    Today's Video Games are Yesterday's Movies?

    Great segment on NPR this morning about how as the U.S. financial system implodes around us, Americans could be turning to video games to take their mind off their troubles, much the same way that we turned to $0.05 movies during the great depression.  While movie tickets sold have been flat for about the last decade, video game sales have increased by 43% since last year.  In January, Activision, makers of the Guitar Hero(R) franchise, announced the game had “set an industry record, surpassing $1 billion in North American retail sales in just 26 months.”

    Source: Wikipedia

    As a dad, I already see it in something like Wii bowling, which can fill that “what should we do tonight as a family” after-dinner void very easily (and economically).  But as I think back to my formative video gaming days, spent in my bedroom with my ColecoVision playing Donkey Kong and some baseball game with a joystick the size of a batting helmet, I think it’s amazing how video games have transformed from something you usually did on your own into a fully social experience.  Just last week a survey by the Pew Internet & American Life Project found that 97% of American teens ages 12-17 play some kind of video game and that 76% of those who do play them with their friends or family at least some of the time.

    But, that reminds me … I have to remember to place that pre-order for Guitar Hero World Tour.

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    We Love DadLabs

    dadlabs I’m sitting across from Paul Kontonis from For Your Imagination and I wanted to plug Dad-o-Matic, but Paul is cooler than me, so he shows me DadLabs instead. Turns out he’s got over 200 videos already on the site by dads for dads. It’s really great to look at, and I highly recommend checking it out. Over 200 vids. Holy cats.

    DadLabs.

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    Gay Adoptions

    Gay parenting is getting a lot of ink this week.

    First, new dad Clay Aiken was on the cover of People Magazine with his new son Parker, next to the headline, “Yes, I’m gay.”

    People.com

    Source: People.com


    Today, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a non-partisangroup dedicated to improving adoption practices nationwide, released a study that concluded that gay and lesbian adults should be considered as “part of the solution” to find homes for the tens of thousands of children in foster care families waiting for permanent homes.

    The report, citing statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, estimates about 129,000 children in the United States are currently in need of adoptive homes.

    But according to the report and it’s something that’s becoming increasingly more challenging to do. Florida flat-out bans gay and lesbian adoption. In Mississippi, couples of the same gender can’t adopt. In Utah, you have to be a married, heterosexual couple to adopt a child – and according to the report, Arkansas and Tennessee have recently introduced legislation that would follow Utah.

    The debate even worked its way into mainstream TV this summer when “Kati,” a 41-year-old substitute teacher from Fullerton, California spent a month living with two domestic partners and their family on Morgan Spurlock’s FX reality show, 30 Days . In the episode “Same Sex Parenting, Kati lived with Dennis and Thomas, two domestic partners, and their four adopted sons in Michigan, and did everything from attend church with the family, volunteer for a children’s advocacy group in favor of legalizing dual-parenting rights for same-sex couples. She met with foster children who told stories of what it’s like to grow up without parents, without a permanent home and without a true sense of family. She saw nothing but abundant love and caring from these two men over 30 days and in the end; she wasn’t swayed. Not one bit.

    So what’s your POV – is a push against same-sex parenting a trend that’s moving across America, one that might continue to keep more American children out of permanent adoptive homes? Is it, as today’s Chicago Tribune suggests, an issue that “continues to rally conservatives”? What are you seeing in your communities?

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    Scrapbooking For Dads

    Scrapbooking is one of those hobbies that have been around for decades, but like most niches it has become increasingly popular thanks to desktop publishing, digital cameras and the internet as a whole. My wife Patty and I know of several people who are involved in this hobby, but we are not one of them. Sure we save stuff that the kids have collected or earned over the years such as report cards, artwork, trophies and ribbons and several hundred pictures (the majority of which are on the external hard drive), however having a giant memory book to pull out on Prom Night to embarrass the kids and scare the hell out of Patrick’s (8) or Erin’s (6) date is not in our agenda.

    But a few years ago I thought of something cool and something that Patrick can take out and show to his friends from now up until he becomes a dad and beyond – a Sports Ticket Scrap Book. The idea started just after college when I went to meet a friend of mine at a bar in Highland, Indiana. The bar itself, was inlaid with hundreds of used ticket stubs and had been lacquered over ( I’m sure this wasn’t the first bar to do so, nor will it be the last). That bar and project have always stuck with me and so when I brought Patrick to his fist Detroit Tigers game I kept his ticket. As much as I would have loved to have lacquered over my own bar in the basement (I had a really nice one in my last house), I didn’t think Patty would go for it. So I went to the book store and bought a large leather bound blank page journal. I glued the ticket stub on the page and my scrapbook had begun. However there was an abundance of white space; the book was too large. I then had one of those Wile E. Coyote moments and came up with an ingénues plan. I grabbed the previous day’s sports section and cut out the box score.

    So now, when you look at the ticket you can find out what exactly happened in the game. I’ve expanded the idea to include hand written news and notes such as who attended the game with us, what the weather was like, birthdays or important headlines and I’ve even inserted pictures. I do this for all sporting events and I’ve even added a few of my own important and special stubs and scores in which I attended without Patrick, such as the 2006 All-Star Game at Comerica Park. All-in-all it’s a great way to remember times with your son or daughter, too.

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    Children's Television Doesn't Have To Suck

    I can safely say that it’s not easy being forced to watch children’s programming. Many of the programs are too slow and repetitive, like the ones that have long pauses to wait for your kids to do as their told. Or the shows feature grown ups who dance around like they’re all hopped up on, umm, too much caffeine. I finally found a kid’s show that doesn’t insult their (or my) intelligence.

    I was born in 1972, my favorites were Sesame Street and The Electric Company. Both shows were cool, urban, fun programs that guest starred popular actors and musicians. Take those two shows, add Pee Wee’s Playhouse, and mix it all up with Deee-Lite‘s video for “Groove Is In The Heart” and you have Yo Gabba Gabba!

    Any cool daddy who appreciates 80′s video games, rap music, anime, and really catchy music will love the show. Every episode teaches the kids valuable lessons, while entertaining mommy and daddy. Wikipedia lists the first season guests as:  Leslie Hall, The Shins, The Aggrolites, Cornelius, Biz Markie, Shiny Toy Guns, Supernova, Mark Mothersbaugh, Rahzel, The Postmarks, Sugarland, Tony Hawk, Low, Laila Ali, Elijah Wood, Mýa, The Salteens and series co-creator Jacobs’ band, The Aquabats.

    According to the Yo Gabba Gabba! News page, Season 2 guest stars include Melora Hardin, Amy Sedaris, Jack Black, Andy Samberg, Rachel Dratch, The Roots, MGMT, the Ting Tings, Ladytron, Biz Markie, Mark Mothersbaugh, Mix Master Mike, Mates of State, Hot Hot Heat, Datarock, and more. How’s that for a lineup?

    Give the show a watch with your little ones and let me know what you think. I swear you’ll be humming those songs in your head for weeks, here’s a taste.

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    Sleep, Sleep & NO SLEEP…

    Sleeping with my new daughter

    Taking advantage of sleep time

    There is nothing more shocking in a man’s life then to be slammed into baby reality with a screaming mini you. Since the birth of my little girl (Sylvia June) two weeks ago, I had an idea what I would be getting into when she would be home. I knew it was going to be tough and tried to enjoy the final “sleep in” days that were coming to a rushing close and trying to embrace of the new me and the new title I was earning of father, but like I said, I thought that I had a good idea of what was to come.

    How did I know? Well I didn’t just read it in books, hear advice from childless friends, or hear it though gossip magazines; I’m the oldest of three children and experienced it myself. Those that are the oldest of a series of siblings understand what I mean. I remember vividly my younger sister, and my even younger brother’s, homecoming and adjustment to their new environments. I also remember quite well the many pre-dawn hours of screaming that would wake me up from my adolescent beauty sleep. I do have to say emphatically, nothing, absolutely nothing compares to the scream that YOU now have to answer as a parent of a newborn. You’re sort of a concierge to this squirmy little person that is telling you off in baby language, a language you can’t prepare yourself for or at times understand no matter how much you prepare yourself for it.

    My little girl finally got the green light to leave the hospital a few days ago after a long stay in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit for a tumor scare; she fortunately is fine and pulled though like a trooper. Over the months and weeks prior to Sylvia’s birth and homecoming, my wife and I rapidly got ready for our little girl, we tried to fix, install and dispose of anything in order to accommodate our new child and now it’s finally come to this, the green light and “release papers” to take her home. My sister, being an assistant, videotaped the “packing the car with a baby” event. We all had excited smiles, took pictures with the hospital staff, got her all wrapped up like a caterpillar going into a cocoon, took the elevator down and got to our vehicle. When we finally got Sylvia safely in the car and we were on our way, there was a brief period of panic. I desperately tried to stay calm but I couldn’t fight the verbal battle in my brain. I was processing this new development of a baby in her car seat and it was MY child! If you could hear my inner dialogue it sounded something like this, “HOLY SH*T I’M A PARENT, I’M A DAD!”

    My wife and I entered our apartment, set our little girl in her new bassinet and it was in that moment that we took in the fact that our life has changed forever. We looked at our Sylvia, proud of what we both created for quite a long time. So for the rest of the evening it was, for the most part, a pretty standard day but night was quickly approaching and eventually it would be time for sleep. My wife fed Sylvia and we went to bed. It took no longer than two hours later (and every two hours thereafter) and we were awoken to a new sound we both had never heard. It was piercing, screeching and abrupt. For me, there is NOTHING more shocking in a man’s life then to be slammed into baby reality with a screaming mini you…

    This is today’s Trials of Being Dad!

    Michael J. Carrasquillo is a NYC musician, filmmaker, speaker, organizer of NYC Media Makers & new father. He blogs at Issue De ‘Quillo and produces a podcast called “The Trials of Being Mike” and an upcoming podcast called “moments”. You can follow him on Twitter @mjcarrasquillo.

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    Nuts!

    When I was in grammar school, I didn’t know anyone with a life-threatening nut allergy.  Today, it seems to have become a far more common occurrence, and different schools have different approaches to handling the kids with the allergies and the foods they’re allergic to.

    mmmmmm..... Peanut Butter - Image courtesy of Ben McLeod

    mmmmmm..... Peanut Butter - Image courtesy of Ben McLeod

    My son, who just started pre-K at a private parochial school, is not allowed to bring any food that may have been produced in a plant that may have had any contact with even the tiniest bit of nut dust.  For a kid whose diet centers primarily around peanut butter, we have had to make substantial changes to what we pack for lunch.  He tried the soy nut butter, but he wouldn’t go for it; I can’t say that I blame him.

    My daughter, who attends a different parochial school (no boys allowed) is allowed to bring food that may contain nuts in her lunch, but we’ve been asked to be cognizant of food allergies if we bring treats for the entire class – like birthday cookies or cupcakes.  Children in her school with serious food allergies are actually segregated at lunchtime–eating at their very own, nut free table.

    I prefer the stance at my daughter’s school. I feel as though it teaches the children with the allergies to have more personal responsibility for what they eat. It teaches them to be responsible for themselves which is a very valuable lesson. The policy at my son’s school, while encouraging the other children to be aware of the different needs of their peers, also removes accountability from the equation which, in the long run, is a mistake.

    What do you think?  Should schools ban nuts, or teach the kids with the allergies how to handle it?

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