As Father’s Day 2010 approaches and my daughter nears her 7th birthday, I’ve been thinking about the story of Abby Sunderland, the 16-year-old California teenager who recently tried to become the youngest person to sail solo around the world. She didn’t make it (a storm broke her mast and she had to be rescued in the Indian Ocean). Today, much of what I’d been thinking about around her was well summed perfectly up in an editorial in the Chicago Tribune, which asks, in essence, how old is old enough to do so many things as a child.
I watched with excitement over the last few months as my daughter has reached several milestones of independence. She can swim without an adult right next to her in the water. She learned how to ride a bicycle on two wheels. Of course, as is mandatory these days, she’s not allowed to ride that bike without a helmet. And even though she and one of her good pals five houses down can now both ride without training wheels, the “rule†is that she cannot ride out of side of either our house or her friend’s house. Cross the street? Absolutely not. Ride around the block? Even though she’d always be on the sidewalk never have to cross the street – still a no-no. And yet as I think back to when I learned how to ride a bike, ironically in the same town where we live now, I never had a helmet and as soon as I could go on two wheels…I was gone. I had to stay within a small radius of our house…but I could go around the block (without the benefit of a sidewalk) or to a small field down at the end of our street.
I don’t feel that my wife and I are overprotective, but I do feel that we exert a much tighter “bubble†around our daughter than our parents did around us. It seems we’re more frequently looking for a detailed “checklist” of qualifications and a level of readiness to “pass†certain tests that will make us feel comfortable to loosen our parental grip ever so slightly.
So as you head towards Father’s Day, please give this some thought: how old is old enough to do all the things your children want to do? Whether it’s go to the mall and a movie alone, ride a bicycle out of your sight, walk alone to school…or sail around the world. After all, as the Chicago Tribune aptly points out, if you were the parent of one of Abby Sunderland’s teenage friends, as you negotiate a curfew, you could find yourself in the uncomfortable and unenviable position of a child who says, “But why not?!? Abby’s parents let her sail around the world alone!â€
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I think Abby was very qualified to attempt what she did, and that is what it all comes down to in my opinion instead of how old the child is at the time.
Does your daughter have the capability to go around the block? Is she aware of ‘strangers’ and how to be alert of her surroundings, and not to talk to adults and other precautions. What if she fell? Is she able to get herself up and get back home with a scraped knee and possibly crying? These are the types of concerns I would consider before letting her go around the block, rather than her age. Certain 6-year olds and might meet this standard to him, and certain 9 year olds might not.
The same holds true for the decisions of freedom allowed to my kids who are just reaching legal adulthood. Each freedom they got growing up was earned by responsibility and proving they were capable of handling that freedom. And they were at different ages when they received them.
You can never be perfect, and their will be mistakes and regrets in both freedoms allowed and restricted, but you do your best and hope you raised them to handle the freedoms you give, and surprise you other times.
Anthony Russo
http://www.anthonyrussoblog.com/Anthony
Skype: anth.russo
Twitter: @AnthonyRusso
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I think Abby was very qualified to attempt what she did, and that is what it all comes down to in my opinion instead of how old the child is at the time.
Does your daughter have the capability to go around the block? Is she aware of 'strangers' and how to be alert of her surroundings, and not to talk to adults and other precautions. What if she fell? Is she able to get herself up and get back home with a scraped knee and possibly crying? These are the types of concerns I would consider before letting her go around the block, rather than her age. Certain 6-year olds and might meet this standard to him, and certain 9 year olds might not.
The same holds true for the decisions of freedom allowed to my kids who are just reaching legal adulthood. Each freedom they got growing up was earned by responsibility and proving they were capable of handling that freedom. And they were at different ages when they received them.
You can never be perfect, and their will be mistakes and regrets in both freedoms allowed and restricted, but you do your best and hope you raised them to handle the freedoms you give, and surprise you other times.
Anthony Russo
http://www.anthonyrussoblog.com/Anthony
Skype: anth.russo
Twitter: @AnthonyRusso
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I think Abby was very qualified to attempt what she did, and that is what it all comes down to in my opinion instead of how old the child is at the time.
Does your daughter have the capability to go around the block? Is she aware of 'strangers' and how to be alert of her surroundings, and not to talk to adults and other precautions. What if she fell? Is she able to get herself up and get back home with a scraped knee and possibly crying? These are the types of concerns I would consider before letting her go around the block, rather than her age. Certain 6-year olds and might meet this standard to him, and certain 9 year olds might not.
The same holds true for the decisions of freedom allowed to my kids who are just reaching legal adulthood. Each freedom they got growing up was earned by responsibility and proving they were capable of handling that freedom. And they were at different ages when they received them.
You can never be perfect, and their will be mistakes and regrets in both freedoms allowed and restricted, but you do your best and hope you raised them to handle the freedoms you give, and surprise you other times.
Anthony Russo
http://www.anthonyrussoblog.com/Anthony
Skype: anth.russo
Twitter: @AnthonyRusso
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I think the Abby story in interesting because if she would have been successful it would have been a very different story. I think the only reason people are questioning her parent’s allowing her to do this is because the media though she was dead and lost at sea.
The news media knows that you “lead with what bleeds” and it makes a great story. Notice how quickly the story was forgotten once she was found alive.
I think more kids today need to be given some independence and allowed to make some decisions on their own. We baby our kids way too much today. We have car seats until they are 9-10 years old, helmets for biking, skating, and skiing, outlet covers, and boring plastic toys. I don’t recall every riding in a car seat as a child, I never wore a helmet until I was in my 20’s, there wasn’t a single outlet covered in the home I grew up in, and I had metal Tonka trucks as a kid.
I’m not saying these safety tools individually are bad, I’m just saying we are creating an entire generation of kids that need to be protected from themselves and that is wrong. Let them occasionally get hurt and learn from their mistakes.
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I think the Abby story in interesting because if she would have been successful it would have been a very different story. I think the only reason people are questioning her parent’s allowing her to do this is because the media though she was dead and lost at sea.
The news media knows that you “lead with what bleeds” and it makes a great story. Notice how quickly the story was forgotten once she was found alive.
I think more kids today need to be given some independence and allowed to make some decisions on their own. We baby our kids way too much today. We have car seats until they are 9-10 years old, helmets for biking, skating, and skiing, outlet covers, and boring plastic toys. I don’t recall every riding in a car seat as a child, I never wore a helmet until I was in my 20’s, there wasn’t a single outlet covered in the home I grew up in, and I had metal Tonka trucks as a kid.
I’m not saying these safety tools individually are bad, I’m just saying we are creating an entire generation of kids that need to be protected from themselves and that is wrong. Let them occasionally get hurt and learn from their mistakes.