I travel a lot lately, and one thing I’m asked quite often is how I recharge or how I maintain my life balance. Let me start by saying that I haven’t really figured out a great balance for my life, but I can say that I am doing lots to keep it all juggled. I wanted to write a quick post about this before I take my family out to breakfast, if only to explain this part of the lifestyle of a hard-working small business owner.
First, a Snapshot of My Life
I’m president of a small business called New Marketing Labs. I am also a professional speaker. Between these two roles, I travel at least once a week most weeks and have been since the beginning of 2009 (before then, I still traveled, but maybe only once a month). The longest stretch I’ve gone away from my family was two solid weeks, which was quite a push.
When I’m on the road, I haven’t had the ability to connect visually with my family because my wife’s laptop died a short while back, killing the possibility of Skype. We’ve fixed that, but for quite a while, I could only talk with everyone on the phone. If you have young kids (mine are 7 and 3), you know that’s sometimes like pulling teeth.
It’s life right now. I do a lot of things, have a ton of business on my plate, and am providing (I hope) for a good future for my family.
When I come home, I am FULLY focused on my family. I give them as much time and love as I can. We go places. We play rough (because that’s a Daddy game in our household). We giggle and joke and read tons and tons of books together. We go to the lake and the ocean (as the weather gets better).
How I Recharge
As a Dad, my goals when I’m off the road are to get myself reset for whatever the next trip is, and then try and connect as much as possible with the family. I give my wife time off to go to the movies, go out with friends, go shopping, or whatever else she’s had to sacrifice while being, essentially, a single mom the whole time I’m gone. During that time, I engage my kids in things that I connect on with them. For example, my daughter and I read and draw together (Mom does the messier art, as I’m a bit twitchy about that). My son and I play with trains and wrestle and roughhouse a lot (Hey, my daughter likes fighting, too, but she’s getting pretty tough at 7).
You might notice that my family’s reconnection comes first before any kind of personal recharge. It’s because I want them repaid for their efforts while I’m away. I want them to know they’re every bit as much part of the team and that I love them and am grateful for them. Thus, I do what I can to reconnect and recharge them before tackling myself.
Some Specifics to Consider
- Often times, I get a cheap airport hotel room the night before I fly or the night I come back. One reason is we have 1 car, and this makes retrieval easier. The other reason is that I can get one attempt more at sleep before reconnecting.
- Now when I travel, I try to sneak off to my room and unplug every now and again. My personal batteries need recharging, and that requires me to go offline for a bit.
- When I can, I try and have smaller meals with fewer folks while on the road. I love big meetups, but I recharge by having smaller conversations later.
- I find my way into bookstores and books when I can. Reading about other people’s lives or learning business strategies recharges me.
- I’m finally getting back into my body a bit. I did some hiking in Seattle that powered that rebirth.
- Now that we repaired the laptop at home, I Skype video with my kids while I’m away so that we can see each other. They like seeing my various hotel rooms.
- I am trying hard to set better boundaries around what is work time and what is not (not succeeding yet).
- When I get home, I make sure to talk lots and lots about what my family has been doing, and give them all the air first. Then, when they feel satisfied that I know what they’ve been doing, I know we’ll talk a little about wherever I’ve been.
- I try hard not to interrupt family time with work. My business partners and clients often respect this.
It’s not perfect, but I’m working on it all the time. It’s one of my most important projects.
What about you? How do you balance it all?
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It takes an incredible discipline and commitment to pull off even an attempt at life balance with a schedule like yours. Like anything else you value; you walk the talk. If one says “this is important” – then you do what you have to do. You value your family & your business and know you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of both. If we were all be so clear about our priorities and disciplined (and realistic) to do what it takes… Good article, even for us non-traveling, non-parent-types.
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It takes an incredible discipline and commitment to pull off even an attempt at life balance with a schedule like yours. Like anything else you value; you walk the talk. If one says “this is important” – then you do what you have to do. You value your family & your business and know you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of both. If we were all be so clear about our priorities and disciplined (and realistic) to do what it takes… Good article, even for us non-traveling, non-parent-types.
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Hi Chris,
I struggle with this issue quite frequently, although I do not travel as often as you, seldom as a matter of fact. I am 61 and my wife and I have bricks and mortar counseling businesses which can be quite time consuming, and I have been learning the tricks of the online business trade, which I do at home. So I am nearby my kids and spouse, but working in my office in solitude. I am pouring a lot of effort into the foundation of the internet business so I can actually spend more time with them, as my boy is 10 and daughter just about 5. When I am working online, I do not take breaks to interact with them, but they both stroll into the office anyway, and the little one ends up in my lap most of the time. She just won’t be put off. But after a bit of Daddy time, she will wander off to do something else. My son likes to rough house too, and we may need to do that for awhile on occasion. My struggle is in feeling guilty about not reading too or talking to them while I work. I do need to build that retirement/college income, but they are growing up, and my wife wants my attention too. So when I take breaks I make it a point to connect in a teasing/humourous way with all of them. Short contact while working, longer contact later in the day. The worry about whether I am fooling myself about the online business and neglecting my kids because of some pipe dream is in the background frequently. And actually my income as an SBI elearning instructor and affiliate and from affiliate marketing is growing, it is just not enough yet, and has taken longer than I expected to build. Well, my wife just asked me to do Sunday Breakfast, and I said I would. Little do they know they are in for Dad’s Smoothie and scrambled eggs on the side extraveganza.
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Hi Chris,
I struggle with this issue quite frequently, although I do not travel as often as you, seldom as a matter of fact. I am 61 and my wife and I have bricks and mortar counseling businesses which can be quite time consuming, and I have been learning the tricks of the online business trade, which I do at home. So I am nearby my kids and spouse, but working in my office in solitude. I am pouring a lot of effort into the foundation of the internet business so I can actually spend more time with them, as my boy is 10 and daughter just about 5. When I am working online, I do not take breaks to interact with them, but they both stroll into the office anyway, and the little one ends up in my lap most of the time. She just won’t be put off. But after a bit of Daddy time, she will wander off to do something else. My son likes to rough house too, and we may need to do that for awhile on occasion. My struggle is in feeling guilty about not reading too or talking to them while I work. I do need to build that retirement/college income, but they are growing up, and my wife wants my attention too. So when I take breaks I make it a point to connect in a teasing/humourous way with all of them. Short contact while working, longer contact later in the day. The worry about whether I am fooling myself about the online business and neglecting my kids because of some pipe dream is in the background frequently. And actually my income as an SBI elearning instructor and affiliate and from affiliate marketing is growing, it is just not enough yet, and has taken longer than I expected to build. Well, my wife just asked me to do Sunday Breakfast, and I said I would. Little do they know they are in for Dad’s Smoothie and scrambled eggs on the side extraveganza.
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Thanks for sharing this Chris! I am a very busy working mom. I work outside our home for a living. I am a very passionate mom – love my kids so much. I am also an introvert so I need time re-charging. I was just about to write a post about our busy weekend when I saw your tweet on this topic. It’s helpful for me to read how you re-charge and try to find Life Balance. Aloha!
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Thanks for sharing this Chris! I am a very busy working mom. I work outside our home for a living. I am a very passionate mom – love my kids so much. I am also an introvert so I need time re-charging. I was just about to write a post about our busy weekend when I saw your tweet on this topic. It’s helpful for me to read how you re-charge and try to find Life Balance. Aloha!
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I enjoyed reading the article. As a mother of two under 3 years old, work full time and trying to build up my own business, I can relate to what you are saying. It’s a constant effort to balance everything and it takes commitment. I admire you for that! It’s also a key to know yourself well, what makes you re-energized. I believe that you have to take care of yourself first, you know the cliche of airplane emergency – you put the oxygen mask to yourself first before you can help others. If you are running low or empty, there is little to give to others. It’s wonderful that you let your family talk first and that energizes you as well.
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I enjoyed reading the article. As a mother of two under 3 years old, work full time and trying to build up my own business, I can relate to what you are saying. It’s a constant effort to balance everything and it takes commitment. I admire you for that! It’s also a key to know yourself well, what makes you re-energized. I believe that you have to take care of yourself first, you know the cliche of airplane emergency – you put the oxygen mask to yourself first before you can help others. If you are running low or empty, there is little to give to others. It’s wonderful that you let your family talk first and that energizes you as well.
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It’s so true that life is more a juggle than an actual balancing act. We’re so rapidly evolving all the time that the various spinning plates become heavier or lighter just within a heart beat.
I really like how you use your family as a recharge button. There’s so many families in the world that think of raising a family as more work on the stack and fail to see the therapeutic value of it.
P.S. Your son is adorable.
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It’s so true that life is more a juggle than an actual balancing act. We’re so rapidly evolving all the time that the various spinning plates become heavier or lighter just within a heart beat.
I really like how you use your family as a recharge button. There’s so many families in the world that think of raising a family as more work on the stack and fail to see the therapeutic value of it.
P.S. Your son is adorable.
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You know Chris, that was a refreshing article to know you are a human that has to balance life and business. It is a sacrifice to leave family to do business. Often is it difficult to disconnect from the online and business world. I am often guilty of that and my family suffers. I am going to disconnect now and enjoy my daughters company. Thanks Chris.
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You know Chris, that was a refreshing article to know you are a human that has to balance life and business. It is a sacrifice to leave family to do business. Often is it difficult to disconnect from the online and business world. I am often guilty of that and my family suffers. I am going to disconnect now and enjoy my daughters company. Thanks Chris.
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I believe we all strive for balance, and as true entrepreneurs we’re constantly beta testing a plan and schedule that fits comfortably. One thing that works for me, is a very supportive family when I modify the plan.
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I believe we all strive for balance, and as true entrepreneurs we’re constantly beta testing a plan and schedule that fits comfortably. One thing that works for me, is a very supportive family when I modify the plan.
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Chris, I knew you were a good man and a good dad. Great article.
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Chris, I knew you were a good man and a good dad. Great article.
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The recharging is very important. I like that idea of one last “sleep” to energize for it.
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The recharging is very important. I like that idea of one last “sleep” to energize for it.
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This topic has been getting more and more attention lately. Many of us wrestle with this everyday, and I’m glad to see more people discussing it and sharing ideas about how to address.
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This topic has been getting more and more attention lately. Many of us wrestle with this everyday, and I’m glad to see more people discussing it and sharing ideas about how to address.
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Every time I think I am busy (4.5 yr old and not quite 2 yr old twins), I read a post like this and realize I am not as busy as I think. The balance is never ending, especially if you want to be an active participant in your children’s lives. If you look at the big picture, which is hopefully a long healthy life for everyone involved, then you (and the kids) will remember the time spent together and not apart.
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Every time I think I am busy (4.5 yr old and not quite 2 yr old twins), I read a post like this and realize I am not as busy as I think. The balance is never ending, especially if you want to be an active participant in your children’s lives. If you look at the big picture, which is hopefully a long healthy life for everyone involved, then you (and the kids) will remember the time spent together and not apart.
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“Drugs?” – Charlie Sheen’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
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“Drugs?” – Charlie Sheen’s character in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
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I find that my downtime with my boys often becomes the platform for my best inspiration. It really took me until we had our second son to realize that almost every project, every deadline and most pressing issues can and should come second to the family. Once I became comfortable setting boundaries and not compromising my time with them I relaxed, they relaxed and all of sudden life and work became so much simpler.
Great article – as always!
Ripple On!!!
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I find that my downtime with my boys often becomes the platform for my best inspiration. It really took me until we had our second son to realize that almost every project, every deadline and most pressing issues can and should come second to the family. Once I became comfortable setting boundaries and not compromising my time with them I relaxed, they relaxed and all of sudden life and work became so much simpler.
Great article – as always!
Ripple On!!!
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I appreciate this Chris and it matches what I am working on right now both at work and home; relationship balance. I am aware that my position affords me certain permissions to be busy and those I am with at work and home understand this. My effort is to value and understand the relationship in a manner which doesn’t simply take that permission because it is there. This is a challenge, because it is so easy to justify.
I am being clear and honest with myself and those I work and live with about this, so that no matter who I am with, I am deliberately present for them.
Thanks for this.
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I appreciate this Chris and it matches what I am working on right now both at work and home; relationship balance. I am aware that my position affords me certain permissions to be busy and those I am with at work and home understand this. My effort is to value and understand the relationship in a manner which doesn’t simply take that permission because it is there. This is a challenge, because it is so easy to justify.
I am being clear and honest with myself and those I work and live with about this, so that no matter who I am with, I am deliberately present for them.
Thanks for this.
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Hi Chris, I’ve been following your posts for a little over a year now and enjoy them and this whole new world(for me) of social networking. I’m still baby stepping it there but having been self employed for over 20 years with a now 16 year old son, I can add to this conversation. The balance is an ever changing act. It will adjust itself day to day, week to week, year to year, as your kids and families change, so must the balance. Being clear about your boundaries and true to your word is key. If you say you’re going to work for 15 more minutes and then turn everything off, do it. When we stick with what we say we’re going to do everyone wins. It builds support and trust (and good role modeling) on all levels for everyone. We live in a fast paced world and can believe that if we stop and take a break we’ll be missing out or falling behind, but the truth is we won’t, we won’t be missing anything as important as time spent with our kids now! We’re not just trying to have balance in our lives we’re teaching our kids about how to have balance and what’s important. Thanks for sharing and taking a break too!
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Hi Chris, I’ve been following your posts for a little over a year now and enjoy them and this whole new world(for me) of social networking. I’m still baby stepping it there but having been self employed for over 20 years with a now 16 year old son, I can add to this conversation. The balance is an ever changing act. It will adjust itself day to day, week to week, year to year, as your kids and families change, so must the balance. Being clear about your boundaries and true to your word is key. If you say you’re going to work for 15 more minutes and then turn everything off, do it. When we stick with what we say we’re going to do everyone wins. It builds support and trust (and good role modeling) on all levels for everyone. We live in a fast paced world and can believe that if we stop and take a break we’ll be missing out or falling behind, but the truth is we won’t, we won’t be missing anything as important as time spent with our kids now! We’re not just trying to have balance in our lives we’re teaching our kids about how to have balance and what’s important. Thanks for sharing and taking a break too!
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My hats are off to you for doing all you do. I have a hard time just dealing with my cat! You are amazing.
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My hats are off to you for doing all you do. I have a hard time just dealing with my cat! You are amazing.
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go for it Chris. I love to hear how others are juggling the gifts of life.
I am preparing to launch a series of products I have been developing and they always seem to need a bit more time as does my son and soon to be x. I am being pulled at in so many directions. Being a small business person with no employees, I need to answer the phone when it rings. Usually at the worst moments the phone rings with a call from a new potential client.
The product development and all that goes with it (marketing etc) are all about being true to myself and my needs. My son has his dad needs and sometimes wants to play with friends instead of being with me and our plans. I find I need to just flow with the challenges, make time for him and be willing to have all the situations change on the spur of the moment. As I get better at this I find our relationship getting better and dynamics which had not worked so well are starting to flow smoothly.
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go for it Chris. I love to hear how others are juggling the gifts of life.
I am preparing to launch a series of products I have been developing and they always seem to need a bit more time as does my son and soon to be x. I am being pulled at in so many directions. Being a small business person with no employees, I need to answer the phone when it rings. Usually at the worst moments the phone rings with a call from a new potential client.
The product development and all that goes with it (marketing etc) are all about being true to myself and my needs. My son has his dad needs and sometimes wants to play with friends instead of being with me and our plans. I find I need to just flow with the challenges, make time for him and be willing to have all the situations change on the spur of the moment. As I get better at this I find our relationship getting better and dynamics which had not worked so well are starting to flow smoothly.
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This is a subject near and dear to my heart. I’ve been in the agency business since 1979. This means I’ve been pushing very hard for a long, long time. I waited until later in my career to have a family, and now I have two beautiful daughters age 3 and 6. They are the light of my life. And they are a priority to me. My solution: our firm is in Chicago (Public relations and brand strategy guidance). We live in the city. A few years ago we built a second home on an apple orchard in southwest Michigan. There’s a small lake, forest, every manner of wildlife imaginable — and the orchard. The area is a planned development so there’s also a common beach, pool and playground. Most important, its 90 miles door-to-door from our home in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago. This means we can leave on Friday and take the weekend there without any real hassle. It supplies the setting for quality time with the family. By the time I get home during the week, its just-in-time to read a book or two and say good night. So the weekends are precious. The rural environs are uniquely satisfying — we’re surrounded by farms. The girls love it there. So do I. It adds an important layer to our lifestyle I’m just delighted we have. Helps me de-compress, too. Something about the trees, the lake and quiet that re-orients your point of view about what matters.
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This is a subject near and dear to my heart. I’ve been in the agency business since 1979. This means I’ve been pushing very hard for a long, long time. I waited until later in my career to have a family, and now I have two beautiful daughters age 3 and 6. They are the light of my life. And they are a priority to me. My solution: our firm is in Chicago (Public relations and brand strategy guidance). We live in the city. A few years ago we built a second home on an apple orchard in southwest Michigan. There’s a small lake, forest, every manner of wildlife imaginable — and the orchard. The area is a planned development so there’s also a common beach, pool and playground. Most important, its 90 miles door-to-door from our home in the Lincoln Park area of Chicago. This means we can leave on Friday and take the weekend there without any real hassle. It supplies the setting for quality time with the family. By the time I get home during the week, its just-in-time to read a book or two and say good night. So the weekends are precious. The rural environs are uniquely satisfying — we’re surrounded by farms. The girls love it there. So do I. It adds an important layer to our lifestyle I’m just delighted we have. Helps me de-compress, too. Something about the trees, the lake and quiet that re-orients your point of view about what matters.
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Dear Chris,
I know you probably won’t get to this comment because there are so many before, which is fine. :o) From a mom that is home with the kids whilst her hubby travels a bit, I know first hand how it feels. We are torn as you are and can’t wait until you get home to once again have our missing piece back in our grande puzzle of a family. From what you have said, it seems you are balancing quite well and your family knows you love them with all of who you are.
Continue telling them that you adore them and especially your wife. When they see that you and your wife love one another and are a stable force to recon with, (especially in the later years) they will understand that you are a viable and central part of their young lives. You know my husband Bryan, and spoke at Oakley with him. I met you and know that you are doing the best you can and are a good dad and husband to your wife. Life gets MORE difficult as the years progress (we have a 16 yr old son, 13 yr old daughter, 10 yr old daughter and 1 yr old son), and I see that guilt from being away can be bad. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. you are doing what you need to and if you call everyday, get home as soon as possible and tend to them when you are home….I can’t see anymore that you can do. :o)
From the mom that is home waiting for her hubby to get home from a TOO long, 2 week work meeting in Canada. sniffle….you are missed and so is he.
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Dear Chris,
I know you probably won’t get to this comment because there are so many before, which is fine. :o) From a mom that is home with the kids whilst her hubby travels a bit, I know first hand how it feels. We are torn as you are and can’t wait until you get home to once again have our missing piece back in our grande puzzle of a family. From what you have said, it seems you are balancing quite well and your family knows you love them with all of who you are.
Continue telling them that you adore them and especially your wife. When they see that you and your wife love one another and are a stable force to recon with, (especially in the later years) they will understand that you are a viable and central part of their young lives. You know my husband Bryan, and spoke at Oakley with him. I met you and know that you are doing the best you can and are a good dad and husband to your wife. Life gets MORE difficult as the years progress (we have a 16 yr old son, 13 yr old daughter, 10 yr old daughter and 1 yr old son), and I see that guilt from being away can be bad. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. you are doing what you need to and if you call everyday, get home as soon as possible and tend to them when you are home….I can’t see anymore that you can do. :o)
From the mom that is home waiting for her hubby to get home from a TOO long, 2 week work meeting in Canada. sniffle….you are missed and so is he.
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HEY ROBERT…can you build another home there for my family??? lol
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HEY ROBERT…can you build another home there for my family??? lol
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I love your comments, they all ring true. I run two businesses and it keeps me hopping alot. Now that the kids are ended or near ending high school it has gotten a lot easier. Their lives are very busy and they don’t need our daily involvement. Come to games and school events is sometimes all they want. What I have done is not carry a cell phone, my time away from the office is me peaceful thinking time. I always carry something with me to work on if I want. I watch everyone around me though in constant 100% speed with all their electronic devices. I just use those times to enjoy where I am or to think about other things. I don’t travel very often so that does free that up and I am often working at home in the evening. But the balance is a challenge. We have one of those families that everyone is on a different schedule, so we catch when we can.
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I love your comments, they all ring true. I run two businesses and it keeps me hopping alot. Now that the kids are ended or near ending high school it has gotten a lot easier. Their lives are very busy and they don’t need our daily involvement. Come to games and school events is sometimes all they want. What I have done is not carry a cell phone, my time away from the office is me peaceful thinking time. I always carry something with me to work on if I want. I watch everyone around me though in constant 100% speed with all their electronic devices. I just use those times to enjoy where I am or to think about other things. I don’t travel very often so that does free that up and I am often working at home in the evening. But the balance is a challenge. We have one of those families that everyone is on a different schedule, so we catch when we can.
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I’m a grandmother whose hip is broken – well, I just had back surgery. My grandchildren (23, 21, 15, 14, 10, and 4 1/2) are not perfect (nor is anyone else in the family), but I can’t imagine one of them talking to their grandparents this way. Generational differences are natural, and we can’t expect them to enjoy being with us when they’d rather be with friends, but there are other time-honored coping mechanisms. Depending on the context, they might roll their eyes, say nothing, or sit three seats ahead of us in the train, but if the relationships evolve over years, there are plenty of opportunities to be influential. I suspect this kids has not been treated well. If a family cares about how the children will get along in the world, they will do some role-modeling along the way. I think I would have spoken quietly to the grandparents, unless they seemed badass, too, and told them that this behavior is not going to have good results for their grandchild, and they should do more than worry about it.
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I’m a grandmother whose hip is broken – well, I just had back surgery. My grandchildren (23, 21, 15, 14, 10, and 4 1/2) are not perfect (nor is anyone else in the family), but I can’t imagine one of them talking to their grandparents this way. Generational differences are natural, and we can’t expect them to enjoy being with us when they’d rather be with friends, but there are other time-honored coping mechanisms. Depending on the context, they might roll their eyes, say nothing, or sit three seats ahead of us in the train, but if the relationships evolve over years, there are plenty of opportunities to be influential. I suspect this kids has not been treated well. If a family cares about how the children will get along in the world, they will do some role-modeling along the way. I think I would have spoken quietly to the grandparents, unless they seemed badass, too, and told them that this behavior is not going to have good results for their grandchild, and they should do more than worry about it.
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This was an amazing article!!! As a working mom who travels I live in the exact world you described. It’s refreshing to hear the same concerns coming from a working Dad!!!
Thank you for saying what everyone else feels. I will borrow a lot of your tips.
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This was an amazing article!!! As a working mom who travels I live in the exact world you described. It’s refreshing to hear the same concerns coming from a working Dad!!!
Thank you for saying what everyone else feels. I will borrow a lot of your tips.
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To me, fulfilling responsibilities as founder of a new business, member of a community, mother of 4, wife, and “woman in the world,” becomes more about chasing balls in the air vs. juggling! To read your post, Chris, along with so many terrific ways to really celebrate this stage of life — Not just manage it — totally inspires me. I love the tone. So energetic, optimistic and real. So thank you all. I strive to really be in the mix of whatever I have going on: work, play or parenting. So my volume is always up. And even when I’m dead tired, I try to bring the energy. Just like all of you. You rock. Thanks!
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To me, fulfilling responsibilities as founder of a new business, member of a community, mother of 4, wife, and “woman in the world,” becomes more about chasing balls in the air vs. juggling! To read your post, Chris, along with so many terrific ways to really celebrate this stage of life — Not just manage it — totally inspires me. I love the tone. So energetic, optimistic and real. So thank you all. I strive to really be in the mix of whatever I have going on: work, play or parenting. So my volume is always up. And even when I’m dead tired, I try to bring the energy. Just like all of you. You rock. Thanks!
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Great comments Chris. Thanks for everything that you do and the information that you provide.
Chris Kokalis
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Great comments Chris. Thanks for everything that you do and the information that you provide.
Chris Kokalis