6 Comments




  1. A wonderful post. I just married (last week!) a Dad of 4, and we talk about this all the time.

    As a lifelong single person, I have a strange but to me true observation…. which is that if you take being a “self” to its logical extreme, it circles back into being an “unself” to use your words. Buber writes that the fundamental state of being is “I and thou.” I found this in my own life, for example, in my religious practice. At one point I was almost monastic and reached a point where self-exploration, rather than shrinking my world, opened it up wide and wonderful with new depth. Somehow I think that is the point of that kind of self-knowing. That foundation led me in new directions, one of which was to my husband. He too has 4 children, and was married over 20 years when widowed. We complement each other’s growth now in this wonder of life called family. We are better off, and I think his children are too, for finding this common ground in love.


  2. A wonderful post. I just married (last week!) a Dad of 4, and we talk about this all the time.

    As a lifelong single person, I have a strange but to me true observation…. which is that if you take being a “self” to its logical extreme, it circles back into being an “unself” to use your words. Buber writes that the fundamental state of being is “I and thou.” I found this in my own life, for example, in my religious practice. At one point I was almost monastic and reached a point where self-exploration, rather than shrinking my world, opened it up wide and wonderful with new depth. Somehow I think that is the point of that kind of self-knowing. That foundation led me in new directions, one of which was to my husband. He too has 4 children, and was married over 20 years when widowed. We complement each other’s growth now in this wonder of life called family. We are better off, and I think his children are too, for finding this common ground in love.


  3. Susan,

    Thanks for leaving your thoughts! Especially the idea that Self circles back to Unself. Interesting .. { taps finger on lips, thinking }.

    I’m very excited for you marrying into a family of five people! That’ll be the real deal. Wow. Kudos and all the best!


  4. Susan,

    Thanks for leaving your thoughts! Especially the idea that Self circles back to Unself. Interesting .. { taps finger on lips, thinking }.

    I’m very excited for you marrying into a family of five people! That’ll be the real deal. Wow. Kudos and all the best!

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