My little girl Lia was born in 2003, a healthy and beautiful little mite that immediately changed everything for me. Up until the point I held her in my arms, I guess I didn’t really feel like I was a daddy. The moment I felt her warmth in my arms and saw her innocent little eyes look up at me, though, that was it. Here was the reason for being; the reason to be; simply, here was everything.

Lia will be six next year. I last saw her when she was 10 months old. I have no idea where she’s living, only that it’s somewhere in Ireland. I haven’t given her a birthday or a Christmas card ever, and presents lay unopened. Does that make me a stay away dad?

My ex-partner and I never married. We had a strange relationship – we were together 4 months initially and then broke up (she had just come out of a long relationship and it was too soon for another). We were apart for about 6 months and then we got together again.

Things really seemed to be working – she was going to move in with me and transfer to a department of the company she worked at that was in the town where I lived. Then she found out she was pregnant and although it came as a surprise, we both were excited about how things were coming together. Then the world collapsed.

Three months into the pregnancy, my ex decided she didn’t want to be with me after all. She didn’t love me and as much as it hurt, we both agreed that it would be best not to bring our unborn child into a house that wasn’t a truly loving one. So, we parted and remained friends – after all, we had a baby on the way and a child needs both parents.

Perhaps what happened next was my fault – I don’t know, and may never find out. Lia was to be my first child and I was over-excited; wanting to be part of the clothes shopping, pram shopping and all the other great stuff that parents-to-be go through. Maybe I was too zealous.

My ex felt I was being too demanding, words were exchanged and the amicable agreement that seemed to be working so well fell away. Lawyers became involved and, to cut a long story short, I was granted access at weekends. Sadly, this wasn’t acceptable to my ex who made many excuses why she and Lia couldn’t be available on visiting days. I was left having to resort to legal action.

I guess this is what led to her leaving the UK with my little girl. I found out she had left when I went for an agreed visit. Her landlord said she had moved out earlier that week. He had no forwarding address. I tried her parents, only to find out that they had moved back home to Ireland. Again, no forwarding address.

Because Ireland isn’t part of the UK, the laws are different when it comes to family disputes. I continue today to try and find where my little girl is, but brick walls are pretty obstinate opponents.

I know my daughter will be happy. Despite the differences between us, I do know that my ex makes a wonderful mother who loves our little girl dearly. I can only hope that having Lia is enough and she doesn’t distort facts about me if Lia ever asks where daddy is. Perhaps she doesn’t – perhaps she has a new daddy and that’s the only one she’s ever known. If he’s a good man and makes my daughter happy, then that’s something to be happy about.

Maybe when she’s older Lia will start asking questions. Maybe she’ll even look for me. I can only make the trail easy to find.

Danny Brown is father to a beautiful daughter and owner of Press Release PR, a boutique agency specializing in search engine optimized press releases and social media PR. He is also a blog partner of the iEntry and WebProNews network and an avid supporter of Toronto FC. Say hello to him on Twitter.

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