The “C-word” – it’s one of the worst words in the English language. Whenever I hear one of my two children utter this word, they know that there will be consequences. Under no circumstances are my children allowed to say, “can’t.” Here’s how I’ve helped eliminate “can’t” (and a few other words) from the conversation.
In addition to some old favorites like “stupid” (the “S-word”) and “fart” (the “F-word”), words that our family has identified as “Bad” include but, want and can’t. At one point these words dominated my kids’ vocabulary:
“But Dad…”
“I want some apple juice!”
“It’s too hard – I can’t do this!”
While each of these words are common and not usually deemed offensive–when spoken by a child to a parent, they have a different subtext. “But” is disrespectful; “want” is rude; and “can’t” is defeatist. I do not want to raise children who talk back, don’t use their manners and give up easily.
In order to stop them from saying the forbidden words, I instituted the push-up punishment. Saying either “want” or “but” earns five push-ups; saying “can’t earns ten. If you’ve ever seen a four or seven-year-old attempting push-ups, it’s a little comical, but it’s the effort that counts.
The best part is, it’s working. I can see the gears turning in their heads when they’re tempted to say one of the bad words. The back-talking has decreased. Instances of “may I please” have increased. And rather than throwing in the towel, despondent about what they can’t do, they are focusing on working harder or asking for help to achieve their goals.
The push-ups have also proven to be an interesting form of punishment. While my wife was nervous about equating exercise with discipline, I reminded her that the US armed forces and martial arts teachers also use push-ups to apply discipline while building strength and character. The kids have actually taken to trying to do as many push-ups as they can, and doing them along with me during my morning workouts (if they’re awake).
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What’s wrong with fart? Do you laugh with your kids or is that banned too?
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What’s wrong with fart? Do you laugh with your kids or is that banned too?
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Let me add another one: “get”. “Get” is a wonderful substitute for words that actually mean something. ‘Do we get our pocket money today?’, ‘Can we get Wall.E on DVD?’, ‘I crashed my car, will you get me another one?’ and so on.
Try it – ask your kids to define what they really mean when they use the word ‘get’. They’ll find themselves appreciating – and understanding – you a whole lot more.
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Let me add another one: “get”. “Get” is a wonderful substitute for words that actually mean something. ‘Do we get our pocket money today?’, ‘Can we get Wall.E on DVD?’, ‘I crashed my car, will you get me another one?’ and so on.
Try it – ask your kids to define what they really mean when they use the word ‘get’. They’ll find themselves appreciating – and understanding – you a whole lot more.
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PS kind of agree with Brett on ‘fart’, though.
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PS kind of agree with Brett on ‘fart’, though.
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A family whose kids went to the same preschool as mine insisted that teachers and student not use the word “booger” because it’s crude. Everyone has different words that they deem offensive. The point isn’t limiting words that may cause offense; the point is encouraging kids to use respect and manners when communicating, and to avoid falling into a mindset that they can’t accomplish something.
FWIW – I’ve got no beef with fart. When she was two, my daughter informed me that the word “toot” should be used rather than fart. It stuck.
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A family whose kids went to the same preschool as mine insisted that teachers and student not use the word “booger” because it’s crude. Everyone has different words that they deem offensive. The point isn’t limiting words that may cause offense; the point is encouraging kids to use respect and manners when communicating, and to avoid falling into a mindset that they can’t accomplish something.
FWIW – I’ve got no beef with fart. When she was two, my daughter informed me that the word “toot” should be used rather than fart. It stuck.
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Great post. Echoes a lot of what I do as a Dad (four kids, oldest is seven). Love the pushups device .. I’ve been getting my kids to do pushups for ages, but i like the discipline aspect.
Great blog too! Found it through Chris’ (Brogran) feed. Kudos!
Looking forward to reading through the site and leaving comments 🙂
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Great post. Echoes a lot of what I do as a Dad (four kids, oldest is seven). Love the pushups device .. I’ve been getting my kids to do pushups for ages, but i like the discipline aspect.
Great blog too! Found it through Chris’ (Brogran) feed. Kudos!
Looking forward to reading through the site and leaving comments 🙂
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@adjustafresh – you may have no beef with fart, but I bet you get farts from beef!
Ha!
Oh dear, not a great introduction to myself here at this fine new blog .. that i am subscribing to now 😉
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@adjustafresh – you may have no beef with fart, but I bet you get farts from beef!
Ha!
Oh dear, not a great introduction to myself here at this fine new blog .. that i am subscribing to now 😉
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Excellent post and superb idea for the site.
Love the idea of pushup punishment and I agree totally that it is not about using the “wrong” words, but understanding them and having respect to know when to use them.
I am really uncomfortable with teaching sprogs to use alternative “comfortable” words (like pop-pop instead of fart…) when all it does it avoid the issue. I mean, its not like they are not going to hear the real word in real life, is it! However, teach them to understand when its appropriate and they are forewarned and forearmed to respect. And (imho) a knowlegeable child is better equipped to avoid bullying at school, too.
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Excellent post and superb idea for the site.
Love the idea of pushup punishment and I agree totally that it is not about using the “wrong” words, but understanding them and having respect to know when to use them.
I am really uncomfortable with teaching sprogs to use alternative “comfortable” words (like pop-pop instead of fart…) when all it does it avoid the issue. I mean, its not like they are not going to hear the real word in real life, is it! However, teach them to understand when its appropriate and they are forewarned and forearmed to respect. And (imho) a knowlegeable child is better equipped to avoid bullying at school, too.
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Oh my god, the push-up punishment is hilarious. That is such a dad thing! I’m going to try it.
Now for the words.
I agree about the word “can’t” – I’ve worked hard to eliminate this from my kid’s vocabulary. But, not want. I want them to express what they want. That’s the first step to getting what you want! And so many people are afraid to express their desires.
I want my kids to wholeheartedly ask for what they want.
What I don’t want them doing is complaining about what they don’t have. I help them reframe, ie.:
Kaia whines – “Noah just had 12 chocolate chip cookies” I say “Don’t tell me what you don’t want, tell me what you want. Are you trying to tell me you also want 12 chocolate chip cookies? If so, say that.”
Off to tell my kids about the new push-up punishment!
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Oh my god, the push-up punishment is hilarious. That is such a dad thing! I’m going to try it.
Now for the words.
I agree about the word “can’t” – I’ve worked hard to eliminate this from my kid’s vocabulary. But, not want. I want them to express what they want. That’s the first step to getting what you want! And so many people are afraid to express their desires.
I want my kids to wholeheartedly ask for what they want.
What I don’t want them doing is complaining about what they don’t have. I help them reframe, ie.:
Kaia whines – “Noah just had 12 chocolate chip cookies” I say “Don’t tell me what you don’t want, tell me what you want. Are you trying to tell me you also want 12 chocolate chip cookies? If so, say that.”
Off to tell my kids about the new push-up punishment!
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@Alexis – “I want my kids to wholeheartedly ask for what they want.”
Alexis, I agree! I also encourage my kids to voice their needs – if they don’t, no one else will. I am just encouraging them to go about it more politely, Saying, “Dad, may I please have some apple juice,” or, “I would like to play with the jump-rope” is a much nicer way of putting it.
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@Alexis – “I want my kids to wholeheartedly ask for what they want.”
Alexis, I agree! I also encourage my kids to voice their needs – if they don’t, no one else will. I am just encouraging them to go about it more politely, Saying, “Dad, may I please have some apple juice,” or, “I would like to play with the jump-rope” is a much nicer way of putting it.
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Interesting blog. It would be great if you can provide more details about it. Thanks a load!
regards
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No Children under thirteen (13) says Bad Words
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No Children under thirteen (13) says Bad Words
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No Children under thirteen (13) says Bad Words
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No Children under thirteen (13) says Bad Words
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No Children under thirteen (13) says Bad Words