The “C-word” – it’s one of the worst words in the English language.  Whenever I hear one of my two children utter this word, they know that there will be consequences.  Under no circumstances are my children allowed to say, “can’t.” Here’s how I’ve helped eliminate “can’t” (and a few other words) from the conversation.

In addition to some old favorites like “stupid” (the “S-word”) and “fart” (the “F-word”), words that our family has identified as “Bad” include but, want and can’t.  At one point these words dominated my kids’ vocabulary:

“But Dad…”

“I want some apple juice!”

“It’s too hard – I can’t do this!”

While each of these words are common and not usually deemed offensive–when spoken by a child to a parent, they have a different subtext. “But” is disrespectful; “want” is rude; and “can’t” is defeatist.  I do not want to raise children who talk back, don’t use their manners and give up easily.

In order to stop them from saying the forbidden words, I instituted the push-up punishment. Saying either “want” or “but” earns five push-ups; saying “can’t earns ten. If you’ve ever seen a four or seven-year-old attempting push-ups, it’s a little comical, but it’s the effort that counts.

The best part is, it’s working. I can see the gears turning in their heads when they’re tempted to say one of the bad words. The back-talking has decreased. Instances of “may I please” have increased. And rather than throwing in the towel, despondent about what they can’t do, they are focusing on working harder or asking for help to achieve their goals.

The push-ups have also proven to be an interesting form of punishment. While my wife was nervous about equating exercise with discipline, I reminded her that the US armed forces and martial arts teachers also use push-ups to apply discipline while building strength and character. The kids have actually taken to trying to do as many push-ups as they can, and doing them along with me during my morning workouts (if they’re awake).

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