OK, my brothers. When you was solo and needed to get some, you knew the drill. High rep light curls at the gym. New shirt and shave. Slap on some smellgood. Aaawwwww, yeeeaaa.
Wassat? Things have changed? The old tricks don’t inspire business time the way they used to, you say? Well pull up a chair, my brother, because the big man got a secret you need knowin.
Few things will summon the sweet sounds of horizontal mambo like the performance of… ready?… household chores.
Dass right. Your wife ain’t down with the charms of the Drakkar Noir you got in 1987. Put it away, my brother. That girl is tired. She need some extra special attention. She need to know you’re in touch with what she’s up against. She need to know you’re in it together. You gotta be shoulder-to-shoulder before you can be ugly-to-ugly, my brother.
Yea, yea, it’s cool. Downside is you gotta do the chore itself, though. Well chill on down, because I got the perfect choice for guys like me and you. The secret, my brother, is laundry.
Speaking for myself, I cook anyway. And sure, you can pretend you’re mowing astroturf while you vacuum, but that’s gonna take up an hour of your weekend. Laundry, on the other hand, has a bursty rhythm that lends itself to short naps, magazine articles, and playoff games. Laundry from start to finish is periodic bursts of something-you-gotta-do with big chunks of nothing in between.
And nothing moves the libido of your average exhausted child-caring, household-maintaining, middle-aged female like the wafting scent of Gain extra strength being poured all sexy-like (or not) by the man who loves her. Don’t even say anything… just pop in the darks and kick back on the couch for an hour. Then there’s 5 minutes of dryer transfer, and an hour after that some casual folding in front of the TV. At some point she’ll notice, and you just say “I’m doing the laundry, baby. I know you’ve had a busy week, and I thought this would help.” Later on you make your move.
AAAAwwwwwww, yeeeeaaaaaaaa, baby. Give it a shot, let me know how it goes.
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Dude, very very true and funny! Nice!
my personal strategy is the morning routine, waking feeding and sending off kids to school.. that way the lady of the house can catch a few extra winks and you can sip your fresh coffee, read the wsj, catch up on emails and generally get a great start to the day.. works like a charm!
Smoke
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Dude, very very true and funny! Nice!
my personal strategy is the morning routine, waking feeding and sending off kids to school.. that way the lady of the house can catch a few extra winks and you can sip your fresh coffee, read the wsj, catch up on emails and generally get a great start to the day.. works like a charm!
Smoke
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Yep, choreplay works.
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Yep, choreplay works.
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SOO funny to me to read this from the other (gender) side of the couple. Gotta admit you packed a lot of true insight into your hilarious advice post.
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SOO funny to me to read this from the other (gender) side of the couple. Gotta admit you packed a lot of true insight into your hilarious advice post.
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Tried doing this naked. Did not work. Might need to try a diet first. Thanks for the tip anyway.
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Tried doing this naked. Did not work. Might need to try a diet first. Thanks for the tip anyway.
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I think D-o-M could use more articles for romance/dating. Some dads may be trying to woo a future ex-Mrs. Dad.
This was righteously well written.
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I think D-o-M could use more articles for romance/dating. Some dads may be trying to woo a future ex-Mrs. Dad.
This was righteously well written.
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haha, perfect!
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haha, perfect!
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Laundry may work for some guys, but my sweet lady is very particular about the way the wearables get washed. She uses some kind of arcane system that I have never been privy to, even after years of wedded bliss.
So I cook. I’m a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself. Then, I do the dishes. The relief she gets from that cannot be underestimated.
So get your hands dirty, my brothers. Learn the mystic methods of the pasta pot. Find the fiery flavors of peppery passion. Bring the fresh green goodness of the side salad. Top it off with a warm chocolate cake covered in chocolate sauce. Then, send her to the tub to soak while you clear it all away. Put the kids to bed.
And don’t forget your socks. Because at that point, it’s business time.
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Laundry may work for some guys, but my sweet lady is very particular about the way the wearables get washed. She uses some kind of arcane system that I have never been privy to, even after years of wedded bliss.
So I cook. I’m a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself. Then, I do the dishes. The relief she gets from that cannot be underestimated.
So get your hands dirty, my brothers. Learn the mystic methods of the pasta pot. Find the fiery flavors of peppery passion. Bring the fresh green goodness of the side salad. Top it off with a warm chocolate cake covered in chocolate sauce. Then, send her to the tub to soak while you clear it all away. Put the kids to bed.
And don’t forget your socks. Because at that point, it’s business time.
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Hilarious! Keep on writing like this and I’ll be back for sure.
I totally agree on the chore thing. It works for me everytime. For a change up and some extra special attention try – – the dishes!
Holla back when ya get some.
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Hilarious! Keep on writing like this and I’ll be back for sure.
I totally agree on the chore thing. It works for me everytime. For a change up and some extra special attention try – – the dishes!
Holla back when ya get some.
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This is too funny!! Coming from a woman this would for sure work. My husband needs some of these tips!
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This is too funny!! Coming from a woman this would for sure work. My husband needs some of these tips!