What do people do when you have an older kid and a younger kid in the house, and the older kid wants to consume media that messes with the younger kid? That’s the issue at hand in the Star Wars Dilemma. I’m wondering if you’ve had this happen at your house.
My daughter is 6.5 years old. My son is going to be 3 in a few weeks. My daughter was allowed to watch Star Wars: Clone Wars, and then once we determined that she wasn’t scared for life, we let her watch Star Wars Episode 1 and Star Wars Episode 4.
She loved them. She had a great time. She’s totally into Star Wars.
My little guy, who’ll be 3 in a few weeks, watched it all, too. Well, his response was to get violent, to have horrible nightmares, to get really crabby and generally to shift from being our son into being this angry little man.
Whoops.
We stopped Star Wars right away and then pow, he was back to normal. I feel terrible about that. I didn’t realize it was having a very negative impact, but it was clearly connected to his behavior.
I get it. I understand the experiences. But here’s the question:
What do I do for my daughter, who wants to enjoy this content, who is appreciative and reacting well to the content, and who is now feeling shackled by her little brother?
How do you approach this?
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Chris,
I have two boys ages 15 1/2 and 14 and I can tell you that when they were little like your son they were totally into the Star Wars movies. Even to the point of having every plastic character, space ship, and weapon ever made to match the Jedi’s, storm troupers, and of course, Darth Vadar himself. Needless to say, they have grown up to be honorable young men. They have not killed anyone, including their sisters. There is hope and for now, till he gets a little bit older, have sister watch it in another room or after brother goes to bed. Keep in mind though, cartoons nowadays are just as violent as Star Wars so his “boyish” behavior will come out one way or another.
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Chris,
I have two boys ages 15 1/2 and 14 and I can tell you that when they were little like your son they were totally into the Star Wars movies. Even to the point of having every plastic character, space ship, and weapon ever made to match the Jedi’s, storm troupers, and of course, Darth Vadar himself. Needless to say, they have grown up to be honorable young men. They have not killed anyone, including their sisters. There is hope and for now, till he gets a little bit older, have sister watch it in another room or after brother goes to bed. Keep in mind though, cartoons nowadays are just as violent as Star Wars so his “boyish” behavior will come out one way or another.
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If there are two parents, divvy the kids up and have each parent spend special time with one of them. You can also watch things like that in shifts after the 3 year old goes to bed or during nap/rest time if you’re so lucky. This is an ongoing parenting dilemma we’ll all experience at amusement parks, arcades, and pretty much anywhere we want to take two kids who have different interests and needs. It’s also one of the drawbacks and perks of being an older child. Sometimes you get to do things earlier, but sometimes you feel fettered by the younger one. My parents’ response, “Life isn’t fair.” =}
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If there are two parents, divvy the kids up and have each parent spend special time with one of them. You can also watch things like that in shifts after the 3 year old goes to bed or during nap/rest time if you’re so lucky. This is an ongoing parenting dilemma we’ll all experience at amusement parks, arcades, and pretty much anywhere we want to take two kids who have different interests and needs. It’s also one of the drawbacks and perks of being an older child. Sometimes you get to do things earlier, but sometimes you feel fettered by the younger one. My parents’ response, “Life isn’t fair.” =}
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We have shown many Star wars movies w/ our kids, with no problems.
However, we sat through the whole movie and explained why things were happening and the age old struggle between good and evil, etc.
I think it made a difference rather than just plopping the kids down in front of the T.V. and saying: “You’ll love this…I’m going to mow the lawn!” Not saying you did this Chris, but many parent’s do!)
Interesting topic.
Regards,
John
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We have shown many Star wars movies w/ our kids, with no problems.
However, we sat through the whole movie and explained why things were happening and the age old struggle between good and evil, etc.
I think it made a difference rather than just plopping the kids down in front of the T.V. and saying: “You’ll love this…I’m going to mow the lawn!” Not saying you did this Chris, but many parent’s do!)
Interesting topic.
Regards,
John
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I think you limit when she can watch, even though she will feel this isn’t fair. It is your job as parents to set limits and take care of your children. To put it in perspective for yourself, there are going to be things her friends do/want to do that are not appropriate for your values or her situation, and it will break her heart, and you will say no. She will feel shackled by that, too.
I think you find appropriate times without the brother for her to do things that are not appropriate for him. You have to build up that she is the big sister and gets special privileges because little bro is not old enough, but that she has to take care of her brother. And vice-versa. Maybe mom and dad divide and conquer, so she can watch with one of you and brother is diverted by the other one.
Also, we’re a big proponet of tough love, life isn’t always fair, and you can’t always get what you want.
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I think you limit when she can watch, even though she will feel this isn’t fair. It is your job as parents to set limits and take care of your children. To put it in perspective for yourself, there are going to be things her friends do/want to do that are not appropriate for your values or her situation, and it will break her heart, and you will say no. She will feel shackled by that, too.
I think you find appropriate times without the brother for her to do things that are not appropriate for him. You have to build up that she is the big sister and gets special privileges because little bro is not old enough, but that she has to take care of her brother. And vice-versa. Maybe mom and dad divide and conquer, so she can watch with one of you and brother is diverted by the other one.
Also, we’re a big proponet of tough love, life isn’t always fair, and you can’t always get what you want.
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I have the same problem, except it’s my wife who doesn’t like Star Wars 🙂 My 7 and 4 year old love it. They understand it’s a movie and it’s fake. Some of the themes are a bit much though, like when she died giving birth to the twins. My daughter said something about being scared to have a baby someday.
Overall… you have to do what you need to do. Personally, I think our children are much better off watching stories like Star Wars as opposed to anything on the MTV. Yes, I said “the” MTV. 🙂
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I have the same problem, except it’s my wife who doesn’t like Star Wars 🙂 My 7 and 4 year old love it. They understand it’s a movie and it’s fake. Some of the themes are a bit much though, like when she died giving birth to the twins. My daughter said something about being scared to have a baby someday.
Overall… you have to do what you need to do. Personally, I think our children are much better off watching stories like Star Wars as opposed to anything on the MTV. Yes, I said “the” MTV. 🙂
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I’m going through the same thing right now with my 8-year old son and my 2-year old son. My oldest is a huge Star Wars fan. In fact, if I let him, he’d wear his same Stars Wars T-shirt every day of the week, sans washing.
I remind my older son what happened when he walked in living room one night to come upon a scene from Children of the Corn and how he woke up with nightmares for weeks.
Then I gently explain to him that unless he wants to be subjected to having to watch the Backyardigans (my 2-year old’s favorte at this point), he’ll have to wait until an appropriate time is available for him to watch StarWars — which is usually while my younger one is taking a nap or has gone to bed for the evening.
No 8-year old boy would be caught dead watching the Backyardigans 😉
Worked like a charm.
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I’m going through the same thing right now with my 8-year old son and my 2-year old son. My oldest is a huge Star Wars fan. In fact, if I let him, he’d wear his same Stars Wars T-shirt every day of the week, sans washing.
I remind my older son what happened when he walked in living room one night to come upon a scene from Children of the Corn and how he woke up with nightmares for weeks.
Then I gently explain to him that unless he wants to be subjected to having to watch the Backyardigans (my 2-year old’s favorte at this point), he’ll have to wait until an appropriate time is available for him to watch StarWars — which is usually while my younger one is taking a nap or has gone to bed for the evening.
No 8-year old boy would be caught dead watching the Backyardigans 😉
Worked like a charm.
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Hi Chris…that’s a tough one. Always seems the younger kids get exposed to things sooner. Guilt by association, right? I think with the incredible graphical experience that Star Wars represents, 3 is just too young…not a child-specific issue I don’t think.
As for a solution. Hmmmm. Your daughter obviously sees the impact it has on her little brother, so the understanding of why is there…which is good. But 6 1/2 is actually about that age where she’s probably feeling like much of her freedom is being limited in this same way, for this same reason.
My wife and two boys tend to do everything together (last year, I worked from home, she is a stay at home mom, and we home-schooled the boys – just the one year)…so when we make it a point to set dates with them and just do things in groups of 2, they absolutely love it.
Maybe this is the solution for your issue. Have a ‘Star Wars Date’ with your daughter. She may not get to consume it as often, but if you make it special (popcorn, special treats, etc), it could turn out very positive.
BTW, my boys are huge SW fans. Cheers!
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Hi Chris…that’s a tough one. Always seems the younger kids get exposed to things sooner. Guilt by association, right? I think with the incredible graphical experience that Star Wars represents, 3 is just too young…not a child-specific issue I don’t think.
As for a solution. Hmmmm. Your daughter obviously sees the impact it has on her little brother, so the understanding of why is there…which is good. But 6 1/2 is actually about that age where she’s probably feeling like much of her freedom is being limited in this same way, for this same reason.
My wife and two boys tend to do everything together (last year, I worked from home, she is a stay at home mom, and we home-schooled the boys – just the one year)…so when we make it a point to set dates with them and just do things in groups of 2, they absolutely love it.
Maybe this is the solution for your issue. Have a ‘Star Wars Date’ with your daughter. She may not get to consume it as often, but if you make it special (popcorn, special treats, etc), it could turn out very positive.
BTW, my boys are huge SW fans. Cheers!
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I have an 8 year age difference between my kids and I would agree with what others have stated. Let your daughter watch the movies without her younger sibling there. Either a date night or in another room with mom or dad watching with her. We have also always made a point of watching movies together so we can talk about them and sometimes work through the “scary stuff” although my son (he’s the younger one) did take some teasing from his big sister for being “too wimpy”. Now that she’s 22 and he’s 14 not so much of an issue.
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I have an 8 year age difference between my kids and I would agree with what others have stated. Let your daughter watch the movies without her younger sibling there. Either a date night or in another room with mom or dad watching with her. We have also always made a point of watching movies together so we can talk about them and sometimes work through the “scary stuff” although my son (he’s the younger one) did take some teasing from his big sister for being “too wimpy”. Now that she’s 22 and he’s 14 not so much of an issue.
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In our house, we have a TV in the family room. Whatever is played on that TV must be family friendly and appropriate for everyone in the room. When my older daughter wants to watch a movie that is not appropriate for others in the family, she has to do it in her room with the door closed so that it doesn’t offend other people. It’s common courtesy to keep the family stuff in the family room. Of course, if there is no one else home, she can watch it wherever she wants. I think this teaches her to be aware of who’s around her and what influence her choices have on others. She also feels a bit privileged to be old enough to watch certain things. I just hope we taught her well enough to monitor what is going into her own head, not just what goes into her brothers’ and sister’s heads.
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In our house, we have a TV in the family room. Whatever is played on that TV must be family friendly and appropriate for everyone in the room. When my older daughter wants to watch a movie that is not appropriate for others in the family, she has to do it in her room with the door closed so that it doesn’t offend other people. It’s common courtesy to keep the family stuff in the family room. Of course, if there is no one else home, she can watch it wherever she wants. I think this teaches her to be aware of who’s around her and what influence her choices have on others. She also feels a bit privileged to be old enough to watch certain things. I just hope we taught her well enough to monitor what is going into her own head, not just what goes into her brothers’ and sister’s heads.
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I have 3 boys, 8, 6, 2.5. Media issues are always happening. 8yr old not digging Dora but the 2.5 yr is. The middle boy can go either way so he has the best of both worlds. Its a never ending dilemma. Although a second television does help to let the 8yr old watch what he wants and sequester the others. Laptops and DVD’s pair up well too.
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I have 3 boys, 8, 6, 2.5. Media issues are always happening. 8yr old not digging Dora but the 2.5 yr is. The middle boy can go either way so he has the best of both worlds. Its a never ending dilemma. Although a second television does help to let the 8yr old watch what he wants and sequester the others. Laptops and DVD’s pair up well too.
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My big kids (10, almost 13, and 15) get to do big kid things with one parent while the other parent juggles the little kids (4 and 2). In the case of something media related — say, a movie, TV show, or Xbox game) — it has to be something that the little kids can have in the background if they’re in the same room, or it has to wait until the littles are in bed. So, playing “Cars” or sports on Xbox is fine, but “Ghost Recon” has to wait.
That said… my littles see far more than the bigs did at their age(s). I think that’s just part and parcel of trying to parent kids at different age levels at the same time.
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My big kids (10, almost 13, and 15) get to do big kid things with one parent while the other parent juggles the little kids (4 and 2). In the case of something media related — say, a movie, TV show, or Xbox game) — it has to be something that the little kids can have in the background if they’re in the same room, or it has to wait until the littles are in bed. So, playing “Cars” or sports on Xbox is fine, but “Ghost Recon” has to wait.
That said… my littles see far more than the bigs did at their age(s). I think that’s just part and parcel of trying to parent kids at different age levels at the same time.
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Honestly, your hosed. I have three kids – ages 8, 5 and 2 – and situations where satisfying one means disturbing the other come up all the time. Generally, my rule is: reducing someone’s else’s misery trumps upping your happiness. So your older one has to either sneak her Star Wars in when little brother is napping or not around, or she can’t have it at all. It’s an imperfect solution, but there are a lot worse things that could happen to a 6 year old than giving something up for a while to help a baby brother. Star Wars will always be there when he’s old enough to handle it. (Doesn’t mean she won’t complain bitterly about it.)
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Honestly, your hosed. I have three kids – ages 8, 5 and 2 – and situations where satisfying one means disturbing the other come up all the time. Generally, my rule is: reducing someone’s else’s misery trumps upping your happiness. So your older one has to either sneak her Star Wars in when little brother is napping or not around, or she can’t have it at all. It’s an imperfect solution, but there are a lot worse things that could happen to a 6 year old than giving something up for a while to help a baby brother. Star Wars will always be there when he’s old enough to handle it. (Doesn’t mean she won’t complain bitterly about it.)
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Chris,
I am in nearly the same situation. My son, 5 years old, loves Star Wars. While he only watches the movies in a heavily, parent edited format, he loves them. My 3 year old daughter, however, does not get to watch them. My son is content to wait untl she takes her nap, or to go to another room for a “special movie” on Friday night. The one hiccup though, is that my son now asks if my daughter is taking a nap yet…over and over and over and over and over. Ah well…
Conversely…my son has forbidden us from ever watching Sleeping Beauty again. The evil queen — Malificent (sp?) — scares the stuffing out of him. My daughter…she loves the movie. I guess it is all in the makeup of the individual child.
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Chris,
I am in nearly the same situation. My son, 5 years old, loves Star Wars. While he only watches the movies in a heavily, parent edited format, he loves them. My 3 year old daughter, however, does not get to watch them. My son is content to wait untl she takes her nap, or to go to another room for a “special movie” on Friday night. The one hiccup though, is that my son now asks if my daughter is taking a nap yet…over and over and over and over and over. Ah well…
Conversely…my son has forbidden us from ever watching Sleeping Beauty again. The evil queen — Malificent (sp?) — scares the stuffing out of him. My daughter…she loves the movie. I guess it is all in the makeup of the individual child.
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Chris,
Have two kids myself, five years apart, I know what your going through. We have always been cognizant of issues like this and have learned to let them experience at different times. This causes some splitting, especially with movies, at the theater, but we also look at it as the individual gets their own special time.
One thing we did find is the younger tended to experience more advanced things at an earlier age
Dave
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Chris,
Have two kids myself, five years apart, I know what your going through. We have always been cognizant of issues like this and have learned to let them experience at different times. This causes some splitting, especially with movies, at the theater, but we also look at it as the individual gets their own special time.
One thing we did find is the younger tended to experience more advanced things at an earlier age
Dave
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I have 5 and 2 1/2 year old boys. They both love Star Wars. They’ve both played with my old toys and have the newer ones of their own. Since it is something that I can relate to, we talk about it all the time and don’t really even watch the movies or cartoons. (We have lightsaber duals and I talk in my Yoda and Darth Vader voicesâ€â€they love that more than the movies!) My oldest has seen some of the movies, but he’s been more interested in playing with the action figures rather than seeing the “real life” versions of this on screen. What’s nice about the Star Wars movies is I know when and where the intense scenes are located in the films. With the exception of the last film there isn’t a whole lot of violence. Sure they chop arms off and stuff, but for some reason, it has a cartoonish feel to itâ€â€maybe it’s because you never actually see anyone suffering too much. I’d much rather them watch SW than some of the crap that’s on like Sponge Bob, etc.
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I have 5 and 2 1/2 year old boys. They both love Star Wars. They’ve both played with my old toys and have the newer ones of their own. Since it is something that I can relate to, we talk about it all the time and don’t really even watch the movies or cartoons. (We have lightsaber duals and I talk in my Yoda and Darth Vader voicesâ€â€they love that more than the movies!) My oldest has seen some of the movies, but he’s been more interested in playing with the action figures rather than seeing the “real life” versions of this on screen. What’s nice about the Star Wars movies is I know when and where the intense scenes are located in the films. With the exception of the last film there isn’t a whole lot of violence. Sure they chop arms off and stuff, but for some reason, it has a cartoonish feel to itâ€â€maybe it’s because you never actually see anyone suffering too much. I’d much rather them watch SW than some of the crap that’s on like Sponge Bob, etc.
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Our daughters–all four grown now–had different bedtimes and were taught early to entertain themselves for stretches. So our eldest might well get to watch a more adult program with one or both parents after a younger sibling went to bed or while she played in her room. In some cases, of course, the older sibling understood that none of us–including Mom and Dad–would be watching something, because there was no good way to exclude little Sis. But generally, they all came to understand the concept of age-appropriateness. Just a couple of days ago, talking with our youngest (who’s 21), I realized she’s never seen the *Alien* films, for that reason.
Boundaries, lovingly applied, are a good thing. While your 6-year-old can certainly understand the value of protecting little brother, I’d suggest your 3-year-old can understand that big Sis gets some perks that will be his too, when he’s her age.
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Our daughters–all four grown now–had different bedtimes and were taught early to entertain themselves for stretches. So our eldest might well get to watch a more adult program with one or both parents after a younger sibling went to bed or while she played in her room. In some cases, of course, the older sibling understood that none of us–including Mom and Dad–would be watching something, because there was no good way to exclude little Sis. But generally, they all came to understand the concept of age-appropriateness. Just a couple of days ago, talking with our youngest (who’s 21), I realized she’s never seen the *Alien* films, for that reason.
Boundaries, lovingly applied, are a good thing. While your 6-year-old can certainly understand the value of protecting little brother, I’d suggest your 3-year-old can understand that big Sis gets some perks that will be his too, when he’s her age.
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We have a similar issue with our sons…although they are both still fairly young for super hero movies, our four year old really enjoys watching Iron Man and SpiderMan 3. He seems to adjust to them ok, however, I don’t really want our 20 mos old watching them because of the bombs going off in Iron Man and the scary teeth on Venom. I know many parents probably don’t let children their age watch these movies at all, but our four year old really enjoys them, he also enjoys superhero comics and cartoons.
In your case your daughter is a few years older than your son, if possible can you have her watch them in a separate room while your son watches something more suitable for him in another room? This is what we end up doing with our sons. Some of the other suggestions also mentioned having your daughter watch while son is napping or sleeping…I’m sure there are many ways you can get around this without making your daughter feel like she is missing out because of her brother.
Good luck! I’m sure you will figure something out that works for all.
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We have a similar issue with our sons…although they are both still fairly young for super hero movies, our four year old really enjoys watching Iron Man and SpiderMan 3. He seems to adjust to them ok, however, I don’t really want our 20 mos old watching them because of the bombs going off in Iron Man and the scary teeth on Venom. I know many parents probably don’t let children their age watch these movies at all, but our four year old really enjoys them, he also enjoys superhero comics and cartoons.
In your case your daughter is a few years older than your son, if possible can you have her watch them in a separate room while your son watches something more suitable for him in another room? This is what we end up doing with our sons. Some of the other suggestions also mentioned having your daughter watch while son is napping or sleeping…I’m sure there are many ways you can get around this without making your daughter feel like she is missing out because of her brother.
Good luck! I’m sure you will figure something out that works for all.
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I don’t have this issue because I only have one child. But, I do have a hubby that watches scary stuff when DD is still awake. We ended up having hubby get scary stuff via ITunes and watch on iphone.
I know it wouldn’t do Star Wars justice… but just a thought…
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I don’t have this issue because I only have one child. But, I do have a hubby that watches scary stuff when DD is still awake. We ended up having hubby get scary stuff via ITunes and watch on iphone.
I know it wouldn’t do Star Wars justice… but just a thought…
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My son is going on 5 and is a full-blown Star Wars fanatic. I’ll admit that I may have had something to do with that (his name is Luke, after all), being a huge fan myself, but I wasn’t the one who introduced him to the Star Wars. The exposure to that galaxy far, far away happened all by itself through his older cousins (who live a block away) and friends at preschool. IMO, 3 is probably a bit too young for most everything Star Wars: movies, toys, games, etc. Sure, some children of that age might not have incredible nightmares or any of the other things you experienced, but their ability to understand most of the what’s happening in the movies is probably not there just yet, which is likely why you seeing him latch on to the things he does understand (e.g. fear and aggression). And, if you really take a close look at the Star Wars movies, they’re dark and violent as hell. Awesome, but violent.
You might try introducing something more age-appropriate to him and let him “own” that experience. If your daughter has Star Wars, maybe your son gets another movie/experience that has toy and activity tie-ins similar to what Star Wars has. My wife and I held off on allowing our son to get into Star Wars for a quite a while in spite of the constant pressure he was getting from outside sources. He, instead, experienced the movie “Cars” and became a big fan of the associated toys, coloring books, etc.
Just a suggestion, but it worked for us. Good luck!
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My son is going on 5 and is a full-blown Star Wars fanatic. I’ll admit that I may have had something to do with that (his name is Luke, after all), being a huge fan myself, but I wasn’t the one who introduced him to the Star Wars. The exposure to that galaxy far, far away happened all by itself through his older cousins (who live a block away) and friends at preschool. IMO, 3 is probably a bit too young for most everything Star Wars: movies, toys, games, etc. Sure, some children of that age might not have incredible nightmares or any of the other things you experienced, but their ability to understand most of the what’s happening in the movies is probably not there just yet, which is likely why you seeing him latch on to the things he does understand (e.g. fear and aggression). And, if you really take a close look at the Star Wars movies, they’re dark and violent as hell. Awesome, but violent.
You might try introducing something more age-appropriate to him and let him “own” that experience. If your daughter has Star Wars, maybe your son gets another movie/experience that has toy and activity tie-ins similar to what Star Wars has. My wife and I held off on allowing our son to get into Star Wars for a quite a while in spite of the constant pressure he was getting from outside sources. He, instead, experienced the movie “Cars” and became a big fan of the associated toys, coloring books, etc.
Just a suggestion, but it worked for us. Good luck!
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And although I agree that giving them both a DVD player of their own is IMO unwise, I do not agree that TV is “social” even whan watched with others. Too many studies show that TV is neither educational, social or healthy.
It’s mind candy. Give your kids (and yourself) as much TV as you’d feed them candy.
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And although I agree that giving them both a DVD player of their own is IMO unwise, I do not agree that TV is “social” even whan watched with others. Too many studies show that TV is neither educational, social or healthy.
It’s mind candy. Give your kids (and yourself) as much TV as you’d feed them candy.
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Timely post for me. I see so many people dealing with this at the moment. Particularly with Star Wars. I see a couple of friend’s younger kids who are getting really badly affected by the older ones watching Star Wars. It’s weird – it wasn’t a problem for us when we were growing up, so I can only think that the new movies are much more violent and disturbing than the originals. I’m not happy with my 3.5 yr old watching them when she goes round to friends’ houses, because when she does she comes back saying she’s going to kill us and her baby sister in various rather upsetting ways, usually involving slicing.
I have to say that I get really frustrated with those people who just give in and say “Oh well – the older one wants it, so we just have to live with it”. Media is powerful – people underestimate that. Also, it’s not a *right* to watch what you want to watch, especially if it impacts other people. I love violent movies, and my wife hates them – I don’t turn them on when she’s around. I wait until I’m on my own.
I think that if you can’t let her watch SW without her little brother seeing it too – or if he gets upset because she’s watching something he’s not allowed to – then you just don’t do it. I think that’s OK. Which is harder: dealing with her whining about not being allowed to watch it (which will disappear soon enough) or dealing with the effect on his personality. The latter, right? By a long way, surely?
And presumably there are times when you’d be able to let her watch it as a treat in a separate place when her brother’s not around? And the rest of the time, there are many other ways to enjoy SW without watching the movies on high rotation – books, comics, CDs, toys. It’s a world of merchandise.
(our little girl got so attached to the cartoon version of Franklin the turtle that she’d bawl every time it finished – and then get really cranky and cry for ages. we stopped showing her the videos and substituted them with the books – I didn’t think it would work, but she’s genuinely happy with that)
Finally, I think it’s OK to teach kids that there are some things you just don’t want them to watch, regardless of what their friends do. The MPAA is useless at providing guidelines – they only seem to care about sexual innuendo and religious morality – and not violence, so they’re not going to do effective screening for you. (The Dark Knight is PG on DVD, and Mamma Mia is PG-13. Go figure.)
RA RA RA. Opinions. Tch.
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Timely post for me. I see so many people dealing with this at the moment. Particularly with Star Wars. I see a couple of friend’s younger kids who are getting really badly affected by the older ones watching Star Wars. It’s weird – it wasn’t a problem for us when we were growing up, so I can only think that the new movies are much more violent and disturbing than the originals. I’m not happy with my 3.5 yr old watching them when she goes round to friends’ houses, because when she does she comes back saying she’s going to kill us and her baby sister in various rather upsetting ways, usually involving slicing.
I have to say that I get really frustrated with those people who just give in and say “Oh well – the older one wants it, so we just have to live with it”. Media is powerful – people underestimate that. Also, it’s not a *right* to watch what you want to watch, especially if it impacts other people. I love violent movies, and my wife hates them – I don’t turn them on when she’s around. I wait until I’m on my own.
I think that if you can’t let her watch SW without her little brother seeing it too – or if he gets upset because she’s watching something he’s not allowed to – then you just don’t do it. I think that’s OK. Which is harder: dealing with her whining about not being allowed to watch it (which will disappear soon enough) or dealing with the effect on his personality. The latter, right? By a long way, surely?
And presumably there are times when you’d be able to let her watch it as a treat in a separate place when her brother’s not around? And the rest of the time, there are many other ways to enjoy SW without watching the movies on high rotation – books, comics, CDs, toys. It’s a world of merchandise.
(our little girl got so attached to the cartoon version of Franklin the turtle that she’d bawl every time it finished – and then get really cranky and cry for ages. we stopped showing her the videos and substituted them with the books – I didn’t think it would work, but she’s genuinely happy with that)
Finally, I think it’s OK to teach kids that there are some things you just don’t want them to watch, regardless of what their friends do. The MPAA is useless at providing guidelines – they only seem to care about sexual innuendo and religious morality – and not violence, so they’re not going to do effective screening for you. (The Dark Knight is PG on DVD, and Mamma Mia is PG-13. Go figure.)
RA RA RA. Opinions. Tch.
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What we need to understand is that dream states are where a lot of stuff gets worked not only for us, but for children as well. It is a necessary though sometimes hard part of parenting, but much like many other things we need to allow it to work itself out.
As for the acting out, that is natural as well, especially for a boy. Evolutionary psychology and such things. Boys should be able to express their more ‘masculine’ aggressive side, as it helps them develop normally. We may not like it when one cranks another with a fake plastic lightsaber, but it is in the natural order of things.
I would also recommend that these movies especially be viewed together as was already mentioned. We dissect the movie using Joseph Campbell’s thesis of the heroic journey.
As a point of reference, my boys are 9, 7 and 5. Each has seen the full series (except for the 5yr. old/no Revenge of the Sith). They all love the series and i highly recommend it.
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What we need to understand is that dream states are where a lot of stuff gets worked not only for us, but for children as well. It is a necessary though sometimes hard part of parenting, but much like many other things we need to allow it to work itself out.
As for the acting out, that is natural as well, especially for a boy. Evolutionary psychology and such things. Boys should be able to express their more ‘masculine’ aggressive side, as it helps them develop normally. We may not like it when one cranks another with a fake plastic lightsaber, but it is in the natural order of things.
I would also recommend that these movies especially be viewed together as was already mentioned. We dissect the movie using Joseph Campbell’s thesis of the heroic journey.
As a point of reference, my boys are 9, 7 and 5. Each has seen the full series (except for the 5yr. old/no Revenge of the Sith). They all love the series and i highly recommend it.
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I have 2 boys, one with 7 and the other is only 4 months. I have been reading books about their future relationship, since when the older will start talking about girls, and getting his mouth dirty, the younger will be too young to understand. I`ve seen this with other friends happen and I am preparing myself to avoid.
To solve your problem, I would talk to your daughter and ask her to help you protecting your boy. Explain to her about his nightmares, etc. I am sure she will engage, and avoid watching it when your boy is around.
You also have to talk with your boy about it. He cannot watch it, and thats a rule.
Also, as a general rule, when you say no, do explain why you are saying “no”. Thats a golden rule I have been following that and it works like a charm.
Good luck! I do value people that are really concerned in educating his kids! Not a fashion nowadays 🙂
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I have 2 boys, one with 7 and the other is only 4 months. I have been reading books about their future relationship, since when the older will start talking about girls, and getting his mouth dirty, the younger will be too young to understand. I`ve seen this with other friends happen and I am preparing myself to avoid.
To solve your problem, I would talk to your daughter and ask her to help you protecting your boy. Explain to her about his nightmares, etc. I am sure she will engage, and avoid watching it when your boy is around.
You also have to talk with your boy about it. He cannot watch it, and thats a rule.
Also, as a general rule, when you say no, do explain why you are saying “no”. Thats a golden rule I have been following that and it works like a charm.
Good luck! I do value people that are really concerned in educating his kids! Not a fashion nowadays 🙂
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Delay until they are age appropriate.
Have Grandma babbysit the younger kids and make a special deal out of the older one watching Star Wars with you. It will make the experience more memoriable for him/her.
There are also “Star wars” franchise games and movies that are geared toward a younger audience, such as the Star Wars Lego games and galactic heros.
How old were you when you saw the first three Star Wars movies?
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Delay until they are age appropriate.
Have Grandma babbysit the younger kids and make a special deal out of the older one watching Star Wars with you. It will make the experience more memoriable for him/her.
There are also “Star wars” franchise games and movies that are geared toward a younger audience, such as the Star Wars Lego games and galactic heros.
How old were you when you saw the first three Star Wars movies?
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Continue to be an observer of your three year old but step back from the intensity of Star Wars. I’d stick with something they both can enjoy and save Star Wars for special times with your daughter. What other shows with real actors performing a story does he watch and do okay with?
I introduced things like Lassie and Flipper from my childhood which placed characters in real life precarious situations and observed how they did. I eventually moved to Lost in Space as something less sophisticated to start with in a scifi genre but I watched my three yr old at the beginning like a hawk to see how she would adjust to the experience.
I tried to think of what I liked at the earliest possible age and start there. I know it’s 2009 and all but there is so much kids can enjoy from the past that to bypass it for the more intense new stuff is precarious and frankly, unnecessary.
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Continue to be an observer of your three year old but step back from the intensity of Star Wars. I’d stick with something they both can enjoy and save Star Wars for special times with your daughter. What other shows with real actors performing a story does he watch and do okay with?
I introduced things like Lassie and Flipper from my childhood which placed characters in real life precarious situations and observed how they did. I eventually moved to Lost in Space as something less sophisticated to start with in a scifi genre but I watched my three yr old at the beginning like a hawk to see how she would adjust to the experience.
I tried to think of what I liked at the earliest possible age and start there. I know it’s 2009 and all but there is so much kids can enjoy from the past that to bypass it for the more intense new stuff is precarious and frankly, unnecessary.