LIAR.  It is a four letter word that can be far more hurtful than other familiar expletives. This is especially true when the liar in question is someone you love dearly and completely.  As parents we spend our lives hoping to instill in our children a sense of truth, trust and responsibility.  We teach them right from wrong, good from bad, love from hate.  More than anything we want them to grow up to become good people, and good people don’t lie.  Good people are trustworthy.
Kids Will Be Kids, But Is That An Excuse?
This week one of my kids was caught in a lie, a bad one.  Granted it wasn’t something life threatening or irreparable, and some might argue that it it was the kind of thing that “kids do” (especially teenagers and young adults). I’d argue that the activities and behavior that were lied about may be “typical” of the age and times, but for me that does not excuse the lying.  For me, nothing excuses a breach of trust.  For me, losing that trust in my child was a very painful slap in the face.
It Is Broken, Now Fix It!
As a parent, it is relatively easy to devise ways to punish our kids for bad behavior.  From “time outs” to “grounding” to docking allowance and temporarily restricting various privileges we have an arsenal of punitive parental ploys at our disposal.  However, there is no punishment I am aware of that in and of itself will restore my faith and trust.  That is something only my child can do on their own behalf.  That is something my child will have to work hard at, over time, for trust is not something one can restore with a single action, like the wave of a magical wand.  Trust must be earned, and regaining lost trust is even harder than earning it in the first place.
Perhaps that is why lying, exposed, is so painful.
What do you think?  How important is your ability to trust the words of your children.  What are the best ways for a child to regain their parent’s trust?  I know that time is on my side, and in the end my unwavering love for my child will make it all ok in the long run, but right now it is not the truth that hurts, it is the lie.
Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18). He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast. You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab.
Photo Credit: © Takus – Fotolia.com
#
It is tough. My now 14 yr old use to lie alot when she was younger and it was very hard to trust anything she said but over time she grew out of it. Their is no easy answer to this question. As a parent we need to figure out how bad the lie was and why it was told. I always tell my kids no matter what you did wrong you will most likely always get is less trouble if you tell the truth when they do something wrong rather then lying about it. Honest is always the best policy. Hope everything works out.
#
It is tough. My now 14 yr old use to lie alot when she was younger and it was very hard to trust anything she said but over time she grew out of it. Their is no easy answer to this question. As a parent we need to figure out how bad the lie was and why it was told. I always tell my kids no matter what you did wrong you will most likely always get is less trouble if you tell the truth when they do something wrong rather then lying about it. Honest is always the best policy. Hope everything works out.
#
It is tough. My now 14 yr old use to lie alot when she was younger and it was very hard to trust anything she said but over time she grew out of it. Their is no easy answer to this question. As a parent we need to figure out how bad the lie was and why it was told. I always tell my kids no matter what you did wrong you will most likely always get is less trouble if you tell the truth when they do something wrong rather then lying about it. Honest is always the best policy. Hope everything works out.
#
Luckily our daughters are very young, and have not reached that phase yet. I can only hope that by making a big deal about the trust part of it, and letting your kid know how much honesty and trust means to you, it will hit home. Hopefully it will make your kid think twice before doing it again. I hope this because it sounds like I would handle things in a similar way when it’s my turn. I hope your kid re-earns your trust.
#
Luckily our daughters are very young, and have not reached that phase yet. I can only hope that by making a big deal about the trust part of it, and letting your kid know how much honesty and trust means to you, it will hit home. Hopefully it will make your kid think twice before doing it again. I hope this because it sounds like I would handle things in a similar way when it's my turn. I hope your kid re-earns your trust.
#
Luckily our daughters are very young, and have not reached that phase yet. I can only hope that by making a big deal about the trust part of it, and letting your kid know how much honesty and trust means to you, it will hit home. Hopefully it will make your kid think twice before doing it again. I hope this because it sounds like I would handle things in a similar way when it's my turn. I hope your kid re-earns your trust.
#
Jeff,
It sucks. I remember when I was a senior in high school and decided to stay out at a party against my parents wishes. Not necessarily a big deal, certainly something typical of the day, but it was a breach of trust. My father asked me how I was supposed to continue being a role model to my younger sisters. It was a tough time in our household but time and the fact that I really was a good kid allowed the trust to return. I think I realized that I didn’t just make my parents angry but I actually hurt them. That made a huge difference in how I acted going forward as well. Best of luck.
#
Jeff,
It sucks. I remember when I was a senior in high school and decided to stay out at a party against my parents wishes. Not necessarily a big deal, certainly something typical of the day, but it was a breach of trust. My father asked me how I was supposed to continue being a role model to my younger sisters. It was a tough time in our household but time and the fact that I really was a good kid allowed the trust to return. I think I realized that I didn't just make my parents angry but I actually hurt them. That made a huge difference in how I acted going forward as well. Best of luck.
#
Jeff,
It sucks. I remember when I was a senior in high school and decided to stay out at a party against my parents wishes. Not necessarily a big deal, certainly something typical of the day, but it was a breach of trust. My father asked me how I was supposed to continue being a role model to my younger sisters. It was a tough time in our household but time and the fact that I really was a good kid allowed the trust to return. I think I realized that I didn't just make my parents angry but I actually hurt them. That made a huge difference in how I acted going forward as well. Best of luck.
#
Should your child be able to trust you wholeheartedly, unwaveringly, ubiquitously? Maybe you should ask yourself, how does my child see me that caused him to not be able to trust me? Just some thoughts. Lying is often a two way street.
#
Should your child be able to trust you wholeheartedly, unwaveringly, ubiquitously? Maybe you should ask yourself, how does my child see me that caused him to not be able to trust me? Just some thoughts. Lying is often a two way street.
#
Should your child be able to trust you wholeheartedly, unwaveringly, ubiquitously? Maybe you should ask yourself, how does my child see me that caused him to not be able to trust me? Just some thoughts. Lying is often a two way street.
#
Thanks Rob. Yes, it is a good policy (but hard to get across) to instill that the truth will always be a better choice… To be continued, for sure.
#
Thanks Ian. I certainly made a big deal out of it, so I hope a lesson has been learned and that trust will be restored. Time is on our side.
#
Kevin, you are exactly right, I was definitely more hurt than angered. I think my child realizes that as well and hope that made an impact.
#
David, I appreciate your comment. Not sure it applies fully in this case, and of course I haven’t shared with you all the details. That said, I understand the point you are making and will give it some thought. Thanks for chiming in.
#
Thanks Rob. Yes, it is a good policy (but hard to get across) to instill that the truth will always be a better choice… To be continued, for sure.
#
Thanks Rob. Yes, it is a good policy (but hard to get across) to instill that the truth will always be a better choice… To be continued, for sure.
#
Thanks Ian. I certainly made a big deal out of it, so I hope a lesson has been learned and that trust will be restored. Time is on our side.
#
Thanks Ian. I certainly made a big deal out of it, so I hope a lesson has been learned and that trust will be restored. Time is on our side.
#
Kevin, you are exactly right, I was definitely more hurt than angered. I think my child realizes that as well and hope that made an impact.
#
Kevin, you are exactly right, I was definitely more hurt than angered. I think my child realizes that as well and hope that made an impact.
#
David, I appreciate your comment. Not sure it applies fully in this case, and of course I haven't shared with you all the details. That said, I understand the point you are making and will give it some thought. Thanks for chiming in.
#
David, I appreciate your comment. Not sure it applies fully in this case, and of course I haven't shared with you all the details. That said, I understand the point you are making and will give it some thought. Thanks for chiming in.
#
Hi Jeff,
I believe that it’s very important to be able to trust the words of your children, for myself this is a bit tricky though as my two boys are still very young, only 5 and 8. My experience is that they continually want to test the boundaries to see how far they can push me.
As parents I think we should first try to understand why our kids do the things they do. Think back to our own childhood and try and relate to ourselves in a similar situation. Asking our kids good questions is the key to understanding and being a good listener is equally as important.
#
Hi Jeff,
I believe that it's very important to be able to trust the words of your children, for myself this is a bit tricky though as my two boys are still very young, only 5 and 8. My experience is that they continually want to test the boundaries to see how far they can push me.
As parents I think we should first try to understand why our kids do the things they do. Think back to our own childhood and try and relate to ourselves in a similar situation. Asking our kids good questions is the key to understanding and being a good listener is equally as important.
#
Hi Jeff,
I believe that it's very important to be able to trust the words of your children, for myself this is a bit tricky though as my two boys are still very young, only 5 and 8. My experience is that they continually want to test the boundaries to see how far they can push me.
As parents I think we should first try to understand why our kids do the things they do. Think back to our own childhood and try and relate to ourselves in a similar situation. Asking our kids good questions is the key to understanding and being a good listener is equally as important.
#
Hi Jeff,
I believe that it's very important to be able to trust the words of your children, for myself this is a bit tricky though as my two boys are still very young, only 5 and 8. My experience is that they continually want to test the boundaries to see how far they can push me.
As parents I think we should first try to understand why our kids do the things they do. Think back to our own childhood and try and relate to ourselves in a similar situation. Asking our kids good questions is the key to understanding and being a good listener is equally as important.
#
Hi Jeff,
I believe that it's very important to be able to trust the words of your children, for myself this is a bit tricky though as my two boys are still very young, only 5 and 8. My experience is that they continually want to test the boundaries to see how far they can push me.
As parents I think we should first try to understand why our kids do the things they do. Think back to our own childhood and try and relate to ourselves in a similar situation. Asking our kids good questions is the key to understanding and being a good listener is equally as important.