In Tweet Your Kids, Tweet Your Kids #2 , and Tweet Your Kids #3, I wrote “Ever think ‘I should write that down’ when your child says something funny?”

I use Twitter for that. Here’re some Tweet-worthy comments from my boys.

Seven-year-old Zachary

My Beautiful Zachary

7yo Zachary tried “delivering newspapers” today, tossing a paper from his bike. Fell. Scraped. Said “I’m never going to be a newspaper boy.”

“Every time I watch Tom & Jerry it makes me want to eat cheese.”

Zach: “Dad, your esculum is showing!” Dad: Do you mean “epidermis”? Zach: “Oh. Right. Yes.”

“Thank you God that I’m alive and that I came to this family.”

Watching The Flintstones with Zach: “Did they really have cars like that back then?”

7yo friend over, tattles: “Zachary hit Lucas!” Zachary: “It’s true. I’m going to my room now.”

Dad: “Lucas, what’s that on your face?” Zachary: “Maybe it’s a disease!”

Oh my. Zach just said, “Lucas! You don’t have to be so argumentative!” We’re in trouble.

Zachary discovered Daddy’s Wharton Follies video + can’t stop saying “Cheerios Sucks” http://budurl.com/CheeriosSucks

Five-year-old Lucas

Lukey's big catch

Involving my 5yo in problem solving. What should we do? “We should punish him if he doesn’t do it my way.”

5yo Lucas: “Honey? Honey? Beth? Mom! Momma? Excuse me, Momma! Mom! Mom! Dad?”

Dad: You’re talking nonsense. 5yo Lucas: “No. Kindergartners do good talking stuff.”

On my way to #Gnomedex. 5yo Lucas: “Don’t go, you big AnnoyingHead!”

5yo Lucas: “I just want to be big. Big people get to drive cars. Little people just get to drive tractor stuff.”

Great moments in Hage history. 5yo Lucas: “Daddy, I can spell my second name! H-A-G-E!”

Zach hit Luke in the crotch with a ball. Lucas: “Zachary! You almost broke my penis!”

5yo Lucas: “I don’t like getting punished and I hate it!”

5yo Lucas: “I cleaned up. Can I have $20.” No. Why don’t u pay me $20 for making ur sandwiches? “I don’t have money. Get it from Mom.”

5yo Lucas: “What did I look like when you and Momma buyed me?”

5yo Lucas: “Daddy, how do doggies get maked?”

5yo Lukey: “Daddy, did you know ‘gluteus maximus’ is another way to say a potty-talk word? It means butt.”

5yo Lucas eating cookies: “Dad, can I have the three-ith one?”

5yo Lucas under a blanket: “Daddy, I’m naked.” Dad: “Why?” Lucas: “Because I love myself naked.”

Guest post from Luke’s friend’s mouth:
Mother, “Mason, did you speak to God at church today?” 5yo Mason, “No, but at the end, the other people ate him.”

Have some kid gems? Leave them in the comments!

P.S. 7,000 kids in America die from sudden cardiac arrest each year. I donated an AED defibrillator to protect my kids at school. Consider doing the same for yours. Email me for details at joe@joehageonline.com. Thanks.

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