Saw this post by Julie Bonner, where she talks about her daughter getting a cell phone before the age of 11. Now, some of you just raised an eyebrow. You’re wondering if that’s a bit early for a ten year old to own a cell phone. I’m going to say that it’s not, from my perspective. With current requirements on scheduling, freedom, and even safety, giving a child a cell phone seems to be moving towards being the norm.
That said, there are several things to consider before rushing off to buy your son or daughter a phone.
When You Go To Buy
- Look into adding a line to your existing plan, but don’t consider that the only option. If there’s a friends and family or circle plan type of account that lets you do unlimited dialing, but also unlimited TEXTING, that’s the plan you want.
- Remember that texting and data plans are more important than calling plans for most kids. Find out what it takes to go unlimited. It sounds like a lot, but then, getting a $497.80 bill is a lot, too.
- Find out what parental controls and protections are available for the plans. If your carrier doesn’t offer any, complain (politely) first, and then seek alternate plans. You’re looking to see whether they offer white list / black list of phone numbers (to block off creeps and/or protect against random calls). You can ask whether they have parental blocks on the web browser, too. (Remember, it’s easy to get stuff on a cell phone that you don’t want your little people to watch.)
- If there are stores set up with the phone, such as ringtone stores and the like, see if there’s any way to block, or limit their use. Remember that you might find yourself paying a few hundred bucks in unplanned “I Kissed a Girl” charges, otherwise.
Between You and Your Child
- Set up rules of the road. Give them a sense of the boundaries, and be as clear as possible. Saying, “don’t talk too much” or “don’t make unnecessary calls” is as useful as saying “don’t do something bad.”
- Be aware of how kids use their phones. Texting and IM are tons more popular than voice. They also afford privacy between kids talking. Sometimes, that’s not a bad thing. Other times, it’s a chance for conversations you don’t want your kids having to go on. This is a really tricky water to navigate, discussing what’s appropriate and what’s not. Be as clear as you can. (want to hear other’s opinions in the comments on this, please).
- Have solid rules about the use of cell phones at family times (and at other occasions where it might not be appropriate to be using one’s phone). Thing is, if you make it a rule for them, be sure you follow it, too.
- Review your child’s usage and billing records with him or her. Show your kids the impact of their efforts. Reward them for staying within the boundaries, and decide what to do if they’re way outside the lines.
There are probably more ways parents can prepare for this. Any ideas on what I’ve missed, or some best practices for you? When did your kid get her first cell phone?
Photo credit, jsc
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Chris,
Great question.
We gave our 10 year old daughter a cell phone. We made it clear that we have access to how she uses it and if we see abuse, it’s gone. Periodically, we call/text to see how she handles it. If she shouldn’t be using it, we expect no response, and have a “conversation” if she does.
So far, so good. But she’s a good, obedient and respectful kid… which is part of why we trusted her enough to do this in the first place.
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Chris,
Great question.
We gave our 10 year old daughter a cell phone. We made it clear that we have access to how she uses it and if we see abuse, it’s gone. Periodically, we call/text to see how she handles it. If she shouldn’t be using it, we expect no response, and have a “conversation” if she does.
So far, so good. But she’s a good, obedient and respectful kid… which is part of why we trusted her enough to do this in the first place.
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My two teenage boys have cellphones. My 9-year-old daughter does not. We wanted our kids to be share some of the cost of having a phone, so we made them wait until they were old enough to earn income of some sort.
I’ve been tempted to rethink that stance with my daughter, though. She’s riding her bike more and more, and hanging out with friends at the park. I’d love to be able to reach her and for her to call home to let me know what’s going on. It would make me feel just a wee bit more secure allowing my youngest to venture out into the world.
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My two teenage boys have cellphones. My 9-year-old daughter does not. We wanted our kids to be share some of the cost of having a phone, so we made them wait until they were old enough to earn income of some sort.
I’ve been tempted to rethink that stance with my daughter, though. She’s riding her bike more and more, and hanging out with friends at the park. I’d love to be able to reach her and for her to call home to let me know what’s going on. It would make me feel just a wee bit more secure allowing my youngest to venture out into the world.
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Great stuff, Chris. My 11-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter have had cell phones for several years. Scheduling and freedom were important, but I think the biggest reason we got them was safety. We wanted the kids to be able to reach anyone, anytime, in any situation. I’ve read reports indicating that the mere sight of a cell phone will cause potential bad guys to move on.
One other parental precaution: make sure the voice mail message on your child’s phone does not reference them by name. The more anonymous your child can be the better.
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Great stuff, Chris. My 11-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter have had cell phones for several years. Scheduling and freedom were important, but I think the biggest reason we got them was safety. We wanted the kids to be able to reach anyone, anytime, in any situation. I’ve read reports indicating that the mere sight of a cell phone will cause potential bad guys to move on.
One other parental precaution: make sure the voice mail message on your child’s phone does not reference them by name. The more anonymous your child can be the better.
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Both my girls have cell phones. We bought the eldest a cellphone when she started driving mostly because pay phones don’t exist any more and we wanted a means for her to call when needed. Well, you know how that went… cell phone bill morphed out of control and we were upgrading continually. Now, at age 18 she controls her own mobile destiny. We did make one big mistake: we weren’t able to be fully aware of who she was communicating with. Not that I wanted to spy; but rather to know who she was “hanging out with”.
A lesson learned on daughter #2 age 10. She wanted to buy a cellphone with her own money so she could text message w/ friends. I picked up the difference and went with http://www.kajeet.com It allows the parent to program contacts into the phone and establish boundaries. We’ve been working with it for about a month and I do like it.
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Both my girls have cell phones. We bought the eldest a cellphone when she started driving mostly because pay phones don’t exist any more and we wanted a means for her to call when needed. Well, you know how that went… cell phone bill morphed out of control and we were upgrading continually. Now, at age 18 she controls her own mobile destiny. We did make one big mistake: we weren’t able to be fully aware of who she was communicating with. Not that I wanted to spy; but rather to know who she was “hanging out with”.
A lesson learned on daughter #2 age 10. She wanted to buy a cellphone with her own money so she could text message w/ friends. I picked up the difference and went with http://www.kajeet.com It allows the parent to program contacts into the phone and establish boundaries. We’ve been working with it for about a month and I do like it.
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I ran across this article a few months ago and thought this family created a pretty good set of guidelines and rules around cell phone usage for their 14 y.o. son:
http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com/2008/03/creative-parenting-101-presenting-rules.html
Fortunately, our daughter’s only two, so I have a few years before we have to deal with this. They’ll probably be implanting cell phone chips directly into their brains by then! 🙂
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I ran across this article a few months ago and thought this family created a pretty good set of guidelines and rules around cell phone usage for their 14 y.o. son:
http://thesuburbanscrawl.blogspot.com/2008/03/creative-parenting-101-presenting-rules.html
Fortunately, our daughter’s only two, so I have a few years before we have to deal with this. They’ll probably be implanting cell phone chips directly into their brains by then! 🙂
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My 10 year old is begging for a cell phone. His best friend has one. Every time he asks “When can I get a cell phone?” my first response is usually “who would you call on it?” and he usually answers “… I dunno…”
I think cell phones are becoming status symbols of maturity among the tween set. I’m not saying that I don’t think my son is mature, I think he’s just mature enough for his age (more so than one or two of he friends of the same age anyway) so for me, it’s really a cost issue. I just don’t want to pay $50 a month for him to look ‘cool.’
I currently work part time, while the kids are in school. I’m considering going full-time, if I find the right job (or better yet, can work from my home office) and if I do, then I will most likely buy cell phones for both my 10 year old and my 8 year old. Not because I want them to txt their friends, but because I want the reassurance that I can reach them, or them me, if I need to while I’m at work. I’m even looking into Verizon’s plan to allows me to tell when they’ve gone out of an expected area, but my current phone doesn’t support it, so if I went that route, I’d have to upgrade my own phone – which would cost more money.
Otherwise, my answer to his question is “not yet.”
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My 10 year old is begging for a cell phone. His best friend has one. Every time he asks “When can I get a cell phone?” my first response is usually “who would you call on it?” and he usually answers “… I dunno…”
I think cell phones are becoming status symbols of maturity among the tween set. I’m not saying that I don’t think my son is mature, I think he’s just mature enough for his age (more so than one or two of he friends of the same age anyway) so for me, it’s really a cost issue. I just don’t want to pay $50 a month for him to look ‘cool.’
I currently work part time, while the kids are in school. I’m considering going full-time, if I find the right job (or better yet, can work from my home office) and if I do, then I will most likely buy cell phones for both my 10 year old and my 8 year old. Not because I want them to txt their friends, but because I want the reassurance that I can reach them, or them me, if I need to while I’m at work. I’m even looking into Verizon’s plan to allows me to tell when they’ve gone out of an expected area, but my current phone doesn’t support it, so if I went that route, I’d have to upgrade my own phone – which would cost more money.
Otherwise, my answer to his question is “not yet.”
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Chris…great post.
We have a 10 year old daughter who we did pick up a cell phone. She uses it about as much as I do my exercise equipment! That’s not a lot! 🙂
We like the fact that when she does go off to a friends house or to a birthday party outing, we can reach her if we need to. We monitor the phone and any text or calls religiously. She does not get to carry the phone with her unless we give it to her.
She’s a very good kid and is quite careful but it’s our job.
The problem overall with cell phones and kids this age is its yet another way for the outside world to reach my child. Not to mention marketing to them. I think childhood is already being stolen from our kids at an alarming rate. They are completely saturated in marketing. It’s not good for them.
I am a marketer as most of you are…but this is where I draw the line. I watch the cell phones carefully to know what they’re sending and what calls to action they’re trying to reach them with as well.
This is a great start to the blog. As a former newspaper writer and now corporate PR guy, I am glad you guys are doing it.
BTW…for more information on marketing and kids, visit my favorite non-profit at Harvard, Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood at http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/
Best,
Scott
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Chris…great post.
We have a 10 year old daughter who we did pick up a cell phone. She uses it about as much as I do my exercise equipment! That’s not a lot! 🙂
We like the fact that when she does go off to a friends house or to a birthday party outing, we can reach her if we need to. We monitor the phone and any text or calls religiously. She does not get to carry the phone with her unless we give it to her.
She’s a very good kid and is quite careful but it’s our job.
The problem overall with cell phones and kids this age is its yet another way for the outside world to reach my child. Not to mention marketing to them. I think childhood is already being stolen from our kids at an alarming rate. They are completely saturated in marketing. It’s not good for them.
I am a marketer as most of you are…but this is where I draw the line. I watch the cell phones carefully to know what they’re sending and what calls to action they’re trying to reach them with as well.
This is a great start to the blog. As a former newspaper writer and now corporate PR guy, I am glad you guys are doing it.
BTW…for more information on marketing and kids, visit my favorite non-profit at Harvard, Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood at http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/
Best,
Scott
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Very useful tips. We didn’t do the unlimited texting and I think we will end up regretting it. Although, we did teach her how to check how many texts she has done at the end of the day.
Unfortunately, I received a call while at BWE08 that her cell phone is now at the bottom of a lake. We haven’t even received the rebate on the phone yet. 🙂 So, now I am not sure what to do…buy her another one, make her buy it out of her money, or what.
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Very useful tips. We didn’t do the unlimited texting and I think we will end up regretting it. Although, we did teach her how to check how many texts she has done at the end of the day.
Unfortunately, I received a call while at BWE08 that her cell phone is now at the bottom of a lake. We haven’t even received the rebate on the phone yet. 🙂 So, now I am not sure what to do…buy her another one, make her buy it out of her money, or what.
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My daughter will be 11 years old in two weeks and I am getting her a cell phone tonight. She has wanted one from the time she understood what they were but has been happy to play with deactivated ones until fairly recently. She is now in Grade 6 and is walking home from school for the first time. She has also secured her first after-school job – dog walking. With these new developments, I want her to have a cell phone as much as she wants to have one. She is very responsible and calls me every day when she arrives home and again from home after she has walked the dog but I want her to be able to call me anytime, especially if she has any concerns when she is out on her own. She understands that it is not a toy!
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My daughter will be 11 years old in two weeks and I am getting her a cell phone tonight. She has wanted one from the time she understood what they were but has been happy to play with deactivated ones until fairly recently. She is now in Grade 6 and is walking home from school for the first time. She has also secured her first after-school job – dog walking. With these new developments, I want her to have a cell phone as much as she wants to have one. She is very responsible and calls me every day when she arrives home and again from home after she has walked the dog but I want her to be able to call me anytime, especially if she has any concerns when she is out on her own. She understands that it is not a toy!
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We didn’t get our children cell phones until they went into the 7th grade, which is the start of Middle School in our area. We figured this was a good age because the kids were more likely to need to communicate with us and to begin to have more spontaneous activities with friends.
One big gottcha with the cell phone was instant messaging. Our daughter didn’t seem to get that we paid by the message and we got a big bill the first month. We eventually moved her to $5.00 a month plan (which she paid from her allowance), but she outgrew that too. When my son went into the 7th grade recently, we threw in the towel and bought an unlimited family messaging plan.
The lesson here is to make sure your kids understand that it costs to send and receive calls and to send and receive IMs (and never go on the Internet on the phone).
Ron Miller
By Ron Miller Blog
http://byronmiller.typepad.com
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We didn’t get our children cell phones until they went into the 7th grade, which is the start of Middle School in our area. We figured this was a good age because the kids were more likely to need to communicate with us and to begin to have more spontaneous activities with friends.
One big gottcha with the cell phone was instant messaging. Our daughter didn’t seem to get that we paid by the message and we got a big bill the first month. We eventually moved her to $5.00 a month plan (which she paid from her allowance), but she outgrew that too. When my son went into the 7th grade recently, we threw in the towel and bought an unlimited family messaging plan.
The lesson here is to make sure your kids understand that it costs to send and receive calls and to send and receive IMs (and never go on the Internet on the phone).
Ron Miller
By Ron Miller Blog
http://byronmiller.typepad.com
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You should also check to see what kind of policies your school has with regards to cell phones. Most require that they be powered off and not taken out during school hours. Some go as far as not allowing students to even carry a cell phone into the school.
Internet on the phone is going to be a huge problem going forward for parents as mobile web explodes. I wasn’t aware that some cell providers offer parental blocks on web browsing. Very cool. We keep the family computer in the main room specifically so we can keep an eye on what our kids are doing. It’s kind of hard to do this on a portable, mobile device.
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You should also check to see what kind of policies your school has with regards to cell phones. Most require that they be powered off and not taken out during school hours. Some go as far as not allowing students to even carry a cell phone into the school.
Internet on the phone is going to be a huge problem going forward for parents as mobile web explodes. I wasn’t aware that some cell providers offer parental blocks on web browsing. Very cool. We keep the family computer in the main room specifically so we can keep an eye on what our kids are doing. It’s kind of hard to do this on a portable, mobile device.
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We bought our daughter a mobile phone for her 12th birthday (it was what she wanted). I was against it at first, but now that she is doing a lot of after-school activities – field hockey, track, skiing, chorus, etc. – it’s great to be able to time pick-ups and drop-offs.
I’ve told my 10-year old son he will get a mobile phone when he is 12 as well (if that’s what he wants for his birthday). He’s not begging yet, but it seems like sixth grade is the time when many of his peers are getting phones and he may be more excited about it then.
The unlimited text plan is a must – that’s something my daughter was begging for, and now that my wife and I have texting, we’re using it like crazy. I love sending mobile photos to friends and family, and it makes mobile blogging a lot more fun.
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We bought our daughter a mobile phone for her 12th birthday (it was what she wanted). I was against it at first, but now that she is doing a lot of after-school activities – field hockey, track, skiing, chorus, etc. – it’s great to be able to time pick-ups and drop-offs.
I’ve told my 10-year old son he will get a mobile phone when he is 12 as well (if that’s what he wants for his birthday). He’s not begging yet, but it seems like sixth grade is the time when many of his peers are getting phones and he may be more excited about it then.
The unlimited text plan is a must – that’s something my daughter was begging for, and now that my wife and I have texting, we’re using it like crazy. I love sending mobile photos to friends and family, and it makes mobile blogging a lot more fun.
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Hi Chris
In places like Johannesburg, South Africa (where I currently live), this question takes on a new meaning: a cellphone is seen more as a safety device for kids rather than a social communication tool. So if your kids are out at a party, staying for extra murals at school, or anywhere where they are out of your sight, its considered fairly prudent to give them a cellphone so that they are constantly within reach. This is a result, unfortunately, of the startling crime rate which has ravaged this country and shows no signs of abating. My 8 year old daughter is therefore given a cellphone on these occasions, so that we can keep track.
We are now in the process of relocating to Palo Alto, where I am establishing a new Internet business. It will be interesting to see what the general view is about cellphones for kids in that part of the world, and I am therefore finding this thread of comments very intriguing.
Thanks for the great post.
Regards
Kevin
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Hi Chris
In places like Johannesburg, South Africa (where I currently live), this question takes on a new meaning: a cellphone is seen more as a safety device for kids rather than a social communication tool. So if your kids are out at a party, staying for extra murals at school, or anywhere where they are out of your sight, its considered fairly prudent to give them a cellphone so that they are constantly within reach. This is a result, unfortunately, of the startling crime rate which has ravaged this country and shows no signs of abating. My 8 year old daughter is therefore given a cellphone on these occasions, so that we can keep track.
We are now in the process of relocating to Palo Alto, where I am establishing a new Internet business. It will be interesting to see what the general view is about cellphones for kids in that part of the world, and I am therefore finding this thread of comments very intriguing.
Thanks for the great post.
Regards
Kevin
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Our 10yo received a cell phone for his birthday this year.
It costs $10/month to have him on our existing plan (with free minutes between us and unlimited texting for all)
The phone was free because we got him a refurbished from.
We do have rules but he knows it isn’t a toy and he has to use it appropriately. It works well when I’m running late to pick them up from school or when his sports practice gets out early.
Our son’s favorite way to use it text his dad when dad’s working nights to let him know how his day was or to give him sports updates. My husband feels those conversations they have is worth the $10/month.
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Our 10yo received a cell phone for his birthday this year.
It costs $10/month to have him on our existing plan (with free minutes between us and unlimited texting for all)
The phone was free because we got him a refurbished from.
We do have rules but he knows it isn’t a toy and he has to use it appropriately. It works well when I’m running late to pick them up from school or when his sports practice gets out early.
Our son’s favorite way to use it text his dad when dad’s working nights to let him know how his day was or to give him sports updates. My husband feels those conversations they have is worth the $10/month.
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We got our son his first cell phone about six months ago, shortly before he turned 11. We have been giving him more freedom…walking to the store and going to the park with his friends…and we liked being able to keep in touch with him. We have unlimited texting (then again, we had that before we put him on our plan). And we’ve found that he’s more “verbal” with it…he sends text messages a lot, even just to say “hi” and “i luv u”.
Now it’s old hat…he tends to decide if he needs it or not instead of just taking it along. (Unfortunately, we don’t always agree on when he actually needs it!)
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We got our son his first cell phone about six months ago, shortly before he turned 11. We have been giving him more freedom…walking to the store and going to the park with his friends…and we liked being able to keep in touch with him. We have unlimited texting (then again, we had that before we put him on our plan). And we’ve found that he’s more “verbal” with it…he sends text messages a lot, even just to say “hi” and “i luv u”.
Now it’s old hat…he tends to decide if he needs it or not instead of just taking it along. (Unfortunately, we don’t always agree on when he actually needs it!)
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If you’re thinking of buying a cell phone for your child, you might want to check out Kajeet.com It’s a cell phone just for kids, designed with parental controls. The company was started by a local Dad here in Bethesda, MD, and he’s got plenty of other parents onboard (like their great VP of Marketing) making sure that the phone appeals to parents for all the right reasons.
As for me, I’m trying to hold off as long as I can…
But with my toddler already picking up my phone, it’s going to be increasingly hard…
Love the new blog and would love to see some green parenting tips from the Dads! You should check out dcurbanmom.com as well – it’s run by a great Dad, Jeff Steele – very plugged into online parenting and communities.
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If you’re thinking of buying a cell phone for your child, you might want to check out Kajeet.com It’s a cell phone just for kids, designed with parental controls. The company was started by a local Dad here in Bethesda, MD, and he’s got plenty of other parents onboard (like their great VP of Marketing) making sure that the phone appeals to parents for all the right reasons.
As for me, I’m trying to hold off as long as I can…
But with my toddler already picking up my phone, it’s going to be increasingly hard…
Love the new blog and would love to see some green parenting tips from the Dads! You should check out dcurbanmom.com as well – it’s run by a great Dad, Jeff Steele – very plugged into online parenting and communities.
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Congrats on Dad-O-Matic! As a father of three, it is great to see this blog and another place to share tips, insights, frustrations and elations! Great to see your post on Mobile Phones…. Coincidentally, last night I posted “From BARBIE to Blackberry!” about getting my daughter a Blackberry for her 17th birthday today!
http://sassholes.blogspot.com/2008/09/from-barbie-to-blackberry.html
Geek dads unite! LOL.
All best,
Jeff
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Congrats on Dad-O-Matic! As a father of three, it is great to see this blog and another place to share tips, insights, frustrations and elations! Great to see your post on Mobile Phones…. Coincidentally, last night I posted “From BARBIE to Blackberry!” about getting my daughter a Blackberry for her 17th birthday today!
http://sassholes.blogspot.com/2008/09/from-barbie-to-blackberry.html
Geek dads unite! LOL.
All best,
Jeff
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Great tips. My two daughters both got cell phones when they were about 13. That was about the time they started playing on sports teams at school, so it helped us keep in touch with them when they go to out-of-town games. The safety factor was also on our minds.
My 10-year-old son does not have a phone, but he’d love to have one. I expect he’ll get one at about 13, as well. That seems like a good age for our situation.
Steve DeVane
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Great tips. My two daughters both got cell phones when they were about 13. That was about the time they started playing on sports teams at school, so it helped us keep in touch with them when they go to out-of-town games. The safety factor was also on our minds.
My 10-year-old son does not have a phone, but he’d love to have one. I expect he’ll get one at about 13, as well. That seems like a good age for our situation.
Steve DeVane
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Chris,
Great subject and VERY timely! My 12 year old is one of the few in her circle of friends w/o a cell phone. It’s a tough call between giving us a little added sense of security and her a little bit of additional freedom and responsibility, with – are we trying to “keep up with the Joneses?” and does she “really” need a cell phone.
Just last night we were at a cookout with some friends from church and their 11 year old daughter had a cell phone (and has for more than a year). Her parents gave it to her after she made all A’s for a period of time.
Maybe we’ll encourage her with continued good grades, and/or any of the following: daily physical activity, additional chores around the house, reading a good book once a month, or … I suppose we’ll figure it out relatively soon, by Christmas or next birthday at the latest.
The comments are all great to hear. Thanks for a relevant topic!
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Chris,
Great subject and VERY timely! My 12 year old is one of the few in her circle of friends w/o a cell phone. It’s a tough call between giving us a little added sense of security and her a little bit of additional freedom and responsibility, with – are we trying to “keep up with the Joneses?” and does she “really” need a cell phone.
Just last night we were at a cookout with some friends from church and their 11 year old daughter had a cell phone (and has for more than a year). Her parents gave it to her after she made all A’s for a period of time.
Maybe we’ll encourage her with continued good grades, and/or any of the following: daily physical activity, additional chores around the house, reading a good book once a month, or … I suppose we’ll figure it out relatively soon, by Christmas or next birthday at the latest.
The comments are all great to hear. Thanks for a relevant topic!
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kids don’t need a cell until they are fourteen
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kids don’t need a cell until they are fourteen
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WOW everyone in my family has to wait until 9th grade to get one
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WOW everyone in my family has to wait until 9th grade to get one
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WOW everyone in my family has to wait until 9th grade to get one
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WOW everyone in my family has to wait until 9th grade to get one
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WOW everyone in my family has to wait until 9th grade to get one
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kajeet IS a great way to start your kids off on the right foot with a first cell phone, usually around ages 12 and up. I have been using 3 of their phones since March and love them. If you need information, go through this kajeet link special phone discounts: http://www.kajeet.com/logcabin127 Parental Controls are wonderful!