where r u dad? dnr is rdy!

Oct 11th, 2008 | By Jeff Sass | Category: Advice, Article, News
Texting on a keyboard phone

Image via Wikipedia

If you have kids over the age of 10 it is highly likely they already have their own mobile phones.  If you have kids with their own mobile phones, it is highly likely that they use their phones for a great deal of “texting” (sending text messages).  How about you?

According to a new consumer survey commissioned by AT&T, parents send the majority of their text messages to their children.  This comes as no surprise to me.

Among the findings of the study:  Seventy-three percent of parents believe their children are more likely to respond to a text message.

This also comes as no surprise to me.  My kids and I exchange text messages all day long, and when we are not together, it is the number one way we keep in touch, and the first thing we think of doing when we want to reach each other.

In truth, texting has woven its way into the daily routine at Chez Sass.  As my daughter has to be at her bus stop at 6:30 am, the first thing I typically do when I wake up in the morning is grab my phone off the nightstand and text her “r u up?”  It is only if I do not get a text message back that I have to drag my sleepy behind across the house to knock on the door of her room to wake her.

A REBEL YELL?

Texting has replaced yelling in my home.  We no longer scream from room to room or across the house.  Hollering “DINNER IS READY” is a thing of the past.  Texting “Time 2 eat” is the new dinner bell.  Texting is the new intercom.  Is it impersonal?  I have no idea.  It is certainly less taxing on my throat, extremely efficient, and serves to keep us connected and “location aware” almost 24/7.

Face it – this is the way our kids are being weened to communicate.  Thumb typing is second nature, and vowel free abbreviations are a second language. Long before the advent of Twitter our kids were already living by 140 characters. (Nvr mnd. r u ROTFL yet?)

Do you txt your kids on a regular basis?  Pls lv a msg in the cmnts!

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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  • Lisha, thanks for the tip about Fring. I will check it out. Chutzpah, thanks for sharing some of your UK chutzpah! LOL.
  • Chutzpah
    In the UK kids and parents have been texting for years. Nice to see you guys over the pond have caught up ;-)
  • LaDonna Coy, did you know that you can use fring (http://www.fring.com) to use twitter, facebook and even orkut from a cellphone? Most people think of fring as being a tool for voip and skype through smartphones, but there's more to it. There's a version for non-smartphones now ("mini-fring") that only has the text-based stuff, so even families with the less expensive phones can use it.

    I work for fring, so my opinions are biased, but still, it might be worth looking at if you need tools to help families keep a mobile bulletin board of sorts.
  • I've been texting pretty much all the time since 1999 when I lived in Israel the first time. It was the cheapest way to keep in contact with my husband and my then-pre-teen older kids (aka "the first batch") on our family-oriented phone plan from Orange. Once we got started, we just stuck with it, even as we moved nomadicly through other places that were less text-friendly at that time. (In Israel sms's were something like 1 cent per msg, and then we arrived in the UK where they were around 25 cents/msg! Ouch!!)

    These days my first batch are grown and away at school and we mostly talk via IM when our time zones have overlapping waking hours. My short sprout does send me text messages, but even he prefers IM if he's near a computer. I'm most likely to exchange SMS's with professional contacts at times when talking on the phone would be inconvenient or just down right rude.
  • Thanks "Mom." I agree that those "Luv U" notes at the end of a text exchange with your kid is a nice and welcome touch. Enjoy your "back to back" chats!
  • Mom of a teen
    In my teeny house, if I was to text the kid to tell her dinner is ready, I think she'd hear the tapping of the keys before the message was ever sent. We do text a fair amount, but these days, most of it is transactional - "ftball game in OT, Ill call u when done" Still, when those notes include "love u mommy" at the end, it's golden.

    On a related topic, we both have computers in the same room and sit back to back at our desks. Once in awhile one of us will send a chat message through gmail and we'll have the silliest chat - sometimes lasting 20 minutes. Since gmail adds ads based on the content of the email or chat, she once started a competition of who could write messages which generated the most inappropriate ads. As a senior in high school, she is plenty old enough to do this in good fun. It was so much fun for us both to spontaneously take a break at the same time, use the technology in such a silly way and burst out laughing - all without turning around to look at each other.
  • LaDonna, thanks for the link to the "Text2Connect" tutorial pdf. I saved it and like the glossary of common lingo. Clever of AT&T/Cingular to create that. Thanks for sharing!
  • Interesting comments. I don't think any of us would advocate for ONLY texting, just another tool to keep us connected with and listening to each other. For me, I am grateful for the tool AND for our phone calls AND for the time we get to spend together. It's all good.
  • Great post -- fun that you text from room to room :o) and I wish more parents would engage their kids through texting. My kids are grown and I travel a lot with my work plus we are separated by 200-300 miles and live in two states so texting is an easy way to stay in touch in between our longer periodic phone calls.

    In my line of work (prevention) the Text2Connect project has received attention. Although not new, they have a Text2Connect Parents tutorial for parents less familiar with texting.

    Now to get my family using Twitter and twitpic so we're all in the same space and message once to reach the whole family?
  • Char, that is great to hear. Texting with your kids is acknowledging their "language" and just as if you travel abroad and speak the language you may have a better time communicating, if you open up to your kids' preferred "language" you may find you have a better time at well. It is not a replacement for face to face, but rather an addition (and for me, a welcome one). Thanks for sharing!
  • Thanks Charlie (Alden). The "R U up" text message is the first communication of the day, and by no means the only one. We walk to the bus stop together every morning, talking up a storm along the way. It is always one of the highlights of my day, and something I will sorely miss when she moves on to college. Texting, like all Social Media tools, is just that - a tool - to facilitate things we already do and make them more efficient and in some cases more effective. If I can know she is up and getting ready without traipsing to her room, I can go on with walking and feeding the dogs, etc. and see her in the kitchen for breakfast a few minutes later. Its all good, and I do appreciate your adding to the conversation. Thanks!
  • Char James-Tanny
    I'm thrilled that my 11-year-old can and does text me. I get little love notes, short "hi mom"s, and (more often than I'd like) "can u talk to dad? he won't let me ".

    But what I really loved was when he was sending me text messages while riding down the elevator after visiting me in the hospital in April (they kept me for three days after discovering a DVT). It was great :-)
  • In my opinion, if you are texting your kids to see that they are up and out of bed in the AM, there must be a real communication issue. Cold, impersonal text on a screen can never replace mom getting you up for school in the morning. Or dad, for that matter. Face to face personal communication can never be replaced by a machine. Before you think I am an old coot that hasn't entered the information age, know that I make my living by computer, utilize Twitter, and even IM my wife at work. At end of day, however, nothing is more comforting than sitting down with a cup of espresso with a loved one. and you surely don't invite by text message.

    Peace,

    Charlie~
  • Eric, Stacey, thanks for your chiming in. The sense of constant connection the phone provides is a great relief for parents. I think one of the reasons our kids are happy to txt us is that they can easily do it "incognito" when they are with their friends. It is a lot easier (and less embarrassing) than openly having to "call my parents." It gives them a sense of independence, and gives us a sense of security!
  • I debated over whether or not to give my daughter a cell phone, but being a single mom it has worked wonders for us! She can "call" me anytime she wants, although she prefers to text! If I'm running late to pick up at the bus, we can communicate so there's no panic. And best of all, when she sleeps over at a friend's she always text me "gnite". I do feel more in touch!
  • Eric Stephens
    I agree with the survey. My 14 year-old will not answer the phone. But I can text him and he responds. I even setup a Twitter account for him so we could message back and forth direct from the computer. It really came in handy this weekend as he is traveling out of state and we are hovering parents :-)

    l8r
  • Hi Merlene. You are right! I forgot that this really started with IM when the kids were younger. Now that they are older, with cars, school, jobs, and lives of their own, there is a certain piece of mind I have knowing I can send a quick text of "Where R U?" or "Everything OK?" and get back instant gratification that they are safe. As parents we must be natural worry warts, and texting can relieve some of the worries... Thanks for commenting!
  • At Chez Merlene I used to use IM to communicate with my kids when they were younger as they both have always had computers in their room and well I'm a geekette so have one in kitchen, familyroom, etc.

    I'd IM them "5 mins til dinner", "What do you want on your pizza", "Your friends are the door waiting for you" or even "Did you finish that report?"

    Now they're older (13 and 18) and we all have cellphones with us at all times so using txt message more than IM. Now it's things like "What time will you be home from school?", "Can you pick me up a latte on your way home?" and "Did you remember to take your house keys?"
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