When Your Child’s Hero Falls

Dec 7th, 2009 | By Danny Grubb | Category: Advice, Article

Tiger Woods is just the latest example of a sports star gone astray. Their face is peppered across all media outlets and the publicity is nothing but negative. As adults we know how to deal with this sort of disappointment. It doesn’t bother us much and after a few weeks or months we forget about it altogether.

For kids things can be different. Although kids naturally move between heroes or interests every few months, they think just as well of the heroes they had as the heroes they have.

Sometimes, You Can Just Ignore It

Maybe your kid’s hero did something which will blow over in a couple of weeks. Examples of this usually involve an instance of speaking before thinking. They’ll issue an apology for the horribly insensitive thing they’ve said and we all go on with our lives. Your child never has to hear anything about it and may not even hear anything at school.

Sometimes Your Child’s Hero Kills Dogs

If your kid’s hero is Michael Vick and Michael is going to go to jail for a while for his involvement in fighting, torturing and killing dogs you’ll have to bring this up with your child. If you don’t bring it up, your child will hear it at school or from the media at some point. They’ll also notice their favorite player missing from the field of play. It is important for you to build perspective before your child hears the story somewhere else.

Talk About The Issue, Not The Star

By starting the conversation with “Not everyone is nice to dogs” instead of “Your favorite Football player isn’t nice to dogs” you’ll skirt the tendency of your child to defend his favorite player. He will agree that everyone should always be nice to dogs, no matter what. Once your child understands how the issue is wrong, you can bring up his idol. Don’t be surprised by your child’s shock, instead be supportive and make sure your child understands why Vick is going to jail.

Promote The Second-Favorite

After your child has had a little while to absorb the shock of the news he will be sad. Whoever his second-favorite player is, bring him up as often as possible. “Did you see so-and-so’s interception the other night? That guy has hands made of magic!” Even if your child doesn’t switch to his second-favorite, at least this trick will take his mind off of his fallen Idol.

The Rest Is Up To Them

Unless your child has follow-up questions about the issue or the player, you’d be best served by dropping the issue. In the end your child will make up his own mind about both.

Nothing about this is easy. If you must have this talk with your child make sure you are prepared to be patient and understanding. Children deal with disappointment in very different ways.

Danny Grubb lives in Seattle with his wife and twin girls.  He is the founder of GladDads.com and believes that every Dad has a story to tell and knowledge to share.  When he’s not blogging or parenting, Danny enjoys putting random items in unsupervised shopping carts.

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  • I don't understand how our heroes don't deal well with the fact that their lives are a giant trade-off. For all that money and our admiration, we expect them to be the perfect role models. I'm not saying it is right or that it is fair - but our sensationalistic news tendencies make it that way.
  • I agree Jonathan. If the "news" (I use the term loosely with some of them) agencies are the Ying, then PR people are the Yang. Every company who sponsors an athlete or team have PR agents ready when someone screws up. Its the stuff that we DON'T hear about that really makes me nervous.

    Of course those things usually come to light when someone's Ex writes a tell-all book. On the bright side, by the time my kids are willing and able to read a tell-all, they'll probably be big enough to handle the disappointment.
  • Great post!

    To add one more thing, I think that parents need to remind their children that they don't really know who their heroes are. It's fine to respect Vick for his achievements on the field, but care should be taken when they begin to look and talk like their favorite role models. Molding our children's attitudes and values is our job, not the job of an athlete.

    I think that is why the Tiger Woods fiasco is so hot in the media. Tiger was viewed as a person whom you could look to as a moral compass as well as a sports star. His behavior was not expected. I'm sure there are plenty of parents who held Tiger up to their children as an example and are now playing damage control.
  • You're right Ryan. It is important to keep heroes and role models in perspective for your children. It can be difficult though, when sports teams market their star athletes as people that children can look up to.
  • Timely and useful post. Love the idea of redirecting to another 'hero' who has some positive behavior or success to talk about.

    Thanks for sharing.
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