I have only been a dad for 3 months. My wife and I welcomed Franklin Phillip Lewis to our family on July 4th, 2008 at 7PM. He is my pride and joy. Since that day I hate leaving the house to go to work in the morning and I have found myself doing everything in my power to get home early to see him – even if that means missing a Red Sox game or two. While it has been an absolute joy being a dad the change to our lives has been dramatic.
Expecting dads, here is a list of the five biggest changes I have noticed since I becoming a new dad to help you prepare for what is coming soon:
Change #1: My lifestyle, as I had known it, is over
When the baby comes your lifestyle is the first thing to change. “B.F.†(before Frankie), my wife and I spent a lot of time hanging out with friends, going out to eat, taking impromptu vacations, going to the movies and lived a generally spontaneous lifestyle. After Frankie, our priorities completely shifted, as did our lifestyle. While the sudden change in lifestyle was a big surprise, the biggest shock to me is I really don’t care. What I learned is that there is absolutely no comparing the kind of love I have for Frankie with the love I have for any other person.
The point is be prepared for your world to change but also be prepared to love someone more than you ever have which completely overshadows the lifestyle change.
Change #2: Dad, you are no longer the only man in mom’s life
You will quickly realize that your relationship may get strained because of the time spent with the baby. Before Frankie, my wife and I spent a lot of time together and that completely changed when Frankie arrived. The focus of everything thing we did quickly revolved around the baby. We barely have time to sit down and have dinner together, never mind doing the things we did as a couple before the baby came.  Spending time together as a couple has become a challenge and I began to feel like “the other guy†in my wife’s life.
After doing some research I discovered this feeling this way is very normal for new dads. My advice is to try to spend some time with your wife every day, even if it’s only for a short period of time, talking and sharing time together. We make a point of doing this every night after the baby goes to bed.
Change #3: The Baby Hangover
Be prepared to be exhausted… constantly. I affectionately call my constant state of exhaustion the “Baby Hangoverâ€Â. No matter how hard we try to get him on a sleeping schedule, it changes. Some nights he sleeps, some nights he doesn’t and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to catch up on my sleep.
I still haven’t adjusted to the sleeping patterns but I have adjusted to going to work exhausted and catching “naps†when the baby is sleeping.
Change #4: Got pets? Don’t let them get the shaft
From the moment we got home with Frankie, our pets quickly moved to low man on the totem pole. We have two dogs, Teddy and Larry, which my wife often referred to as her “kidsâ€Â, “soul matesâ€Â, or “best friendsâ€Â. Needless to say, that sentiment changed very quickly. Before Frankie, they got 100% of our attention, now they are lucky to be allowed to be on the couch while the baby is feeding.
I quickly noticed a change in their behavior. They were becoming depressed very quickly knowing that they were no longer the “babies†in the house. My advice, make time to play with them, give them attention while including them in baby related activities. We found that by including them on things like feeding and playtime helped them to accept the baby and give the attention they need.
Change #5: Mom is going through some major changes
For some reason I believed that once the baby came my wife’s hormonal mood changes would end. This doesn’t happen, in fact for a time they may become more intense. There is so much change going on at home that it’s tough to remember the amount of change that is going on within her body.
My advice is to be patient and encouraging. I like to try and schedule nights we can spend together and leave the baby with his Nanny. While being away from the baby will cause stress for Mom it’s good for her to have a breather away from the little guy.
Times, they are a changing…
I completely underestimated two things before coming a dad. First, I didn’t realize how big the changes would be. Second, I didn’t realize how little I would care. Having a son has been the single greatest gift in my life and it’s worth any amount of change.
When things seem to be changing too fast and they start to get overwhelming I try to remember to go with the flow and have fun.  The changes in my life may be frustrating at times and I may not have been fully prepared for them however I have a feeling that in a few short years I will miss this time.
Did I miss anything? What other changes do I have to look forward to?
Reach me by email at michael.lewis@thebmaboston.com or on twitter @bostonmike
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Not bad advice for a mere rookie not even at the All-Star Break of his first year in the Daddy Big Leagues! Sounds like you’re having a blast, it only gets better!
It would take me a long time to share all my advice, but here is one little tidbit. The day will come that you leave for work in little Frankie belts out “Daddy I love you, have a good day!” And you think it is hard to leave the house for work now? Wait til that happens! Of course by this time that little love message might come 2 minutes after a massive temper tantrum which causes you to RUN FOR THE DOOR. But I digress. Anyway, I guess my little tidbit of advice is be prepared to shed many tears of joy, if you are anything like me that is.
Glad you’re having a blast.
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Not bad advice for a mere rookie not even at the All-Star Break of his first year in the Daddy Big Leagues! Sounds like you’re having a blast, it only gets better!
It would take me a long time to share all my advice, but here is one little tidbit. The day will come that you leave for work in little Frankie belts out “Daddy I love you, have a good day!” And you think it is hard to leave the house for work now? Wait til that happens! Of course by this time that little love message might come 2 minutes after a massive temper tantrum which causes you to RUN FOR THE DOOR. But I digress. Anyway, I guess my little tidbit of advice is be prepared to shed many tears of joy, if you are anything like me that is.
Glad you’re having a blast.
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Love your two underestimations, especially the second. How little you care about all the changes that would seem from the outside to be earth-shattering.
All the best Mike, to you and your Family!
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Love your two underestimations, especially the second. How little you care about all the changes that would seem from the outside to be earth-shattering.
All the best Mike, to you and your Family!
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Sounds like you’re having fun! The most surprising thing to me about being a dad is how every day gets better. No matter how much you think each stage or each age is as good as it gets, you soon find you have a new favorite age/stage. Just be sure to enjoy them all!
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Sounds like you’re having fun! The most surprising thing to me about being a dad is how every day gets better. No matter how much you think each stage or each age is as good as it gets, you soon find you have a new favorite age/stage. Just be sure to enjoy them all!
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If you have another after Franklin, you may find yourself wondering how you can love a second one as you do the first. And what you’ll find is this: as soon as #2 shows up, your heart just gets that much bigger!
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If you have another after Franklin, you may find yourself wondering how you can love a second one as you do the first. And what you’ll find is this: as soon as #2 shows up, your heart just gets that much bigger!
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Hey,
I realize that this comes from a pastor but he recently lost his 33 yr old son to a tragic car accident. He knows about being a dad. I think it will speak to all dads regardless of your worldview, political affiliation or anything else. Thanks to all the dads who care enough to contribute here. Your kids and the world are better for that caring.
A Word to Dads
And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.
 Ephesians 6:4
A few years ago, someone asked former President George H. W. Bush, “What is your greatest accomplishment in life?”
I thought that was an interesting question to ask someone like him, who has quite a long list of achievements. After all, he was the U. S. Ambassador to China, the director of the CIA, the Vice-President for two terms under President Reagan, and then, of course, the President of the United States himself.
That is not to mention, of course, that one of his sons is the President of the United States, while another is the governor of Florida. I would have expected him to point to the accomplishments of his children or to his own success.
Yet here was his answer: “My children still come home to see me.” That is a man who has his priorities in order.
As a pastor, I have visited people who are coming to the end of their lives. I have seen what really matters to them. And as I have said before, it always comes back to faith and family. When your life is over, it is not going to matter how many business deals you made, how many investments you have, or how many things you’ve accumulated. When it is all said and done, it will come down to these basic values.
Tragically, so many men today are abandoning their families to chase after something they rationalize as a midlife crisis. Men, we have to stand by the commitment we have made to our wives and children. We cannot even for a moment consider turning our backs on them.
Greg Laurie
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Hey,
I realize that this comes from a pastor but he recently lost his 33 yr old son to a tragic car accident. He knows about being a dad. I think it will speak to all dads regardless of your worldview, political affiliation or anything else. Thanks to all the dads who care enough to contribute here. Your kids and the world are better for that caring.
A Word to Dads
And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.
 Ephesians 6:4
A few years ago, someone asked former President George H. W. Bush, “What is your greatest accomplishment in life?”
I thought that was an interesting question to ask someone like him, who has quite a long list of achievements. After all, he was the U. S. Ambassador to China, the director of the CIA, the Vice-President for two terms under President Reagan, and then, of course, the President of the United States himself.
That is not to mention, of course, that one of his sons is the President of the United States, while another is the governor of Florida. I would have expected him to point to the accomplishments of his children or to his own success.
Yet here was his answer: “My children still come home to see me.” That is a man who has his priorities in order.
As a pastor, I have visited people who are coming to the end of their lives. I have seen what really matters to them. And as I have said before, it always comes back to faith and family. When your life is over, it is not going to matter how many business deals you made, how many investments you have, or how many things you’ve accumulated. When it is all said and done, it will come down to these basic values.
Tragically, so many men today are abandoning their families to chase after something they rationalize as a midlife crisis. Men, we have to stand by the commitment we have made to our wives and children. We cannot even for a moment consider turning our backs on them.
Greg Laurie
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Mike –
Nicely done Mike – Great insight – and shared wealth. As a proud father of a little man myself – I’ve told new parents over and over the only truism I’ve known about being a Dad.
* You will rise to the occasion – You will amaze yourself like you never knew you possibly could. Every moment is amazingly unique, precious and life inspiring. Sure you may be tired and unsure at times – but it’s so amazing to be a new parent – you focus and tune into every moment being by their side – when they eat, sleep, roll over, pee – poop and smile like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.
* and the Parents will be the best experts of their own kids. Everyone has an opinion – family, work mates and friends – alas even doctors. And some of them feel necessary to SHARE their opinions with you – even when not asked for. 😉 Thank them for sharing – try and adopt what you like. But that said – you will be the best expert of your own kids – knowing their unique ways and their nuance traits that no teacher, aunt, uncle, grandparent or doctor will be able to see as clearly as a Dad or great Mom.
Congrats once again Mike and Thanks for sharing. Frankie and your family are very lucky people to have you as part of their life.
~Bob Collins
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Mike –
Nicely done Mike – Great insight – and shared wealth. As a proud father of a little man myself – I’ve told new parents over and over the only truism I’ve known about being a Dad.
* You will rise to the occasion – You will amaze yourself like you never knew you possibly could. Every moment is amazingly unique, precious and life inspiring. Sure you may be tired and unsure at times – but it’s so amazing to be a new parent – you focus and tune into every moment being by their side – when they eat, sleep, roll over, pee – poop and smile like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.
* and the Parents will be the best experts of their own kids. Everyone has an opinion – family, work mates and friends – alas even doctors. And some of them feel necessary to SHARE their opinions with you – even when not asked for. 😉 Thank them for sharing – try and adopt what you like. But that said – you will be the best expert of your own kids – knowing their unique ways and their nuance traits that no teacher, aunt, uncle, grandparent or doctor will be able to see as clearly as a Dad or great Mom.
Congrats once again Mike and Thanks for sharing. Frankie and your family are very lucky people to have you as part of their life.
~Bob Collins
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new dad feeling insecure, baby wanting other arms,baby is 10 months
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new dad feeling insecure, baby wanting other arms,baby is 10 months
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new dad feeling insecure, baby wanting other arms,baby is 10 months
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new dad feeling insecure, baby wanting other arms,baby is 10 months
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new dad feeling insecure, baby wanting other arms,baby is 10 months
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You’ve wonderfully written the post. I’ve liked your way of penning this. Thanks for sharing this.
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Just reread this after 6 years. Time is already flying by…