In my most recent (and for that matter only so far…) post I talked about recognizing the signs that your son or daughter may have autism. In this post I want to talk about dealing with the diagnosis.
As I mentioned previously, we had suspicions about our son perhaps being autistic. Well we finally got to see a pediatrician who said that our boy probably was autistic. He then said, to our faces, that this can be caused by mothers who are too emotionally distant from their children. Now, I am a psychologist, and while clinical stuff is not really my forte I had read much of the recent literature and I knew this was an outdated Freudian notion (like most all Freudian notions) and it was offensive as hell. I was speechless (and if you have ever met me you will know that is a pretty rare thing for me). When we got back to the car I told my wife that it most certainly was not our fault, and that she should not blame herself. Autism is likely a complex genetic disorder. Scientists still do not really know the cause for sure, though many things have been ruled out.
When we got home I sad for a bit. I mean, I am disabled (albinism, which caused my vision to be about 10 percent of normal) and I did ok, but I had my brain to fall back on. My son’s brain is wired incorrectly. What was I to do? Well we met a few parents of autistic kids in town and went to a few support group meetings. These put things in some perspective and allowed us to see that our boy had a future (quite a bright one I think), and that families do cope. I was surprised to learn that often times one parent or the other does not believe that their kid has autism. Indeed, it turns out that is usually the father.  Ignoring the issue is not going to help your child. What helps your kid is being realistic, and advocating for him or her. Don’t despair.ÂÂ
In my next post I will talk about advocating for your kid, it can be annoying and frustrating, but it is so worth it.
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I remember when my sister-in-law was dealing with this roughly 11/12 years ago. She suspected that her 4th child was autistic, but her doctor didn’t think so. He was eventually diagnosed on the spectrum. While it was frustrating for her and her husband to battle back and forth with the doctor, it gave them a headstart because they were constantly reading and educating themselves on the subject. And it also helps that the entire extended family has been extremely supportive and embracing.
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I remember when my sister-in-law was dealing with this roughly 11/12 years ago. She suspected that her 4th child was autistic, but her doctor didn’t think so. He was eventually diagnosed on the spectrum. While it was frustrating for her and her husband to battle back and forth with the doctor, it gave them a headstart because they were constantly reading and educating themselves on the subject. And it also helps that the entire extended family has been extremely supportive and embracing.
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My daughter was diagnosed recently with Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. We’ve known for some time that her previous ADHD diagnosis was only part of the story, and because my wife was utterly tireless in pushing, we finally are at a point where we can begin to build.
I suspect my daughter is older than your son, so I’ll be sharing our experiences in dealing with the school system sometime in the next week as well.
You’re not alone!
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My daughter was diagnosed recently with Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a mild form of autism. We’ve known for some time that her previous ADHD diagnosis was only part of the story, and because my wife was utterly tireless in pushing, we finally are at a point where we can begin to build.
I suspect my daughter is older than your son, so I’ll be sharing our experiences in dealing with the school system sometime in the next week as well.
You’re not alone!
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Our son is 7. He can beat me at Halo about half the time, which I find rather annoying….
We are pretty cool now about everything, and he is doing very well in school and in a normal classroom. The day we got the ‘probable’ diagnosis was tough, but the day we got the real one (from a neurologist) was actually great. Once you have the diagnosis you can then get help.
There are some pretty scary stats out there, 80 percent of couples with an autistic kid end in divorce. That said, as long as one realizes every case is different you need not be scared by the stats.
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Our son is 7. He can beat me at Halo about half the time, which I find rather annoying….
We are pretty cool now about everything, and he is doing very well in school and in a normal classroom. The day we got the ‘probable’ diagnosis was tough, but the day we got the real one (from a neurologist) was actually great. Once you have the diagnosis you can then get help.
There are some pretty scary stats out there, 80 percent of couples with an autistic kid end in divorce. That said, as long as one realizes every case is different you need not be scared by the stats.
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My younger son, now 15, was diagnosed with Asperger’s sometime back. Like Mark said, it ‘s on the mild end of the Autism spectrum, but still challenging nonetheless. Dave, that divorce stat really is scary; I’d never thought to look in that direction. But now that you’ve looked, don’t look again!
With any child, the need for parents to be of one mind in approaching the the larger issues is essential, as well as with many everyday issues. But with issues regarding your child’s perception, socializing, education, etc. you’ll likely find that most other parents can’t relate to your situation, which makes being in lockstep with your spouse essential. But of course it takes time to learn and develop the strategies, philosophies and tactics that’ll be your touchstone during difficult times. Once you know more about all the facets of your child’s uniqueness and how to help guide them in their younger years, it should help in seeing a happy and productive future for them when they’re older.
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My younger son, now 15, was diagnosed with Asperger’s sometime back. Like Mark said, it ‘s on the mild end of the Autism spectrum, but still challenging nonetheless. Dave, that divorce stat really is scary; I’d never thought to look in that direction. But now that you’ve looked, don’t look again!
With any child, the need for parents to be of one mind in approaching the the larger issues is essential, as well as with many everyday issues. But with issues regarding your child’s perception, socializing, education, etc. you’ll likely find that most other parents can’t relate to your situation, which makes being in lockstep with your spouse essential. But of course it takes time to learn and develop the strategies, philosophies and tactics that’ll be your touchstone during difficult times. Once you know more about all the facets of your child’s uniqueness and how to help guide them in their younger years, it should help in seeing a happy and productive future for them when they’re older.
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