"Crazy Airport" - ©2008 mjcarrasquillo

What You Knew Before, Gone!

Now I expected that our first airport experience was going to be an extreme test of our follow though and endurance but I think I “misunderestimated” exactly how crazy, unprepared and naively optimistic it was going to be. I use the word “misunderestimated” because:

•    It’s a funny BUSH’ism.
•    It expresses the sheer insanity, lapse of all common sense, and shock that went about in the prep and execution of our airport experience in DC; going to grandma and grandpa’s house in Florida.

Learning…To Deal

I wonder if karma has finally hit me. The reason I wonder is because of all the times I’ve twittered or e-mailed my horror stories about being on a plane with a screaming kid in front, next to or behind me. I remember many times being very liberal in my use of expletives when telling people the stories. So now, I find myself on the other side and I just know that couple behind me loved that I held them up at security while learning how to close our new stroller. I got the look of “dude, you’ve had that stroller for, I’m sure, long enough and you’re just now trying to figure it out?” I said, “I’m sorry” and told them to “go ahead of me” and they nicely, albeit reluctantly, said, “don’t worry about it.” If this were JFK airport in New York City, I would have been cursed to no end. Chalk it up for Virginia! I think we spared everyone any major meltdown horror; our daughter was quite well behaved and quiet. We were definitely in the way of airport progress with all our bags and accessories. Classic first time parents, we packed entirely too many things for the baby that we won’t likely need.

The Rundown

Here are a few things to help you prep for your first airport outing:

1. Don’t sleep but only two hours. If you’re supposed to be waking up at 5am, wake up at 7:30, who cares…it’s the airport, pssst.
2. Hit snooze for about 45 minutes within that 2-hour period, you know you don’t want to deal with this.
3. If you’re out of town at the home of a relative and you’re a New Yorker that is used to the fact that hot water is a luxury, enjoy that shower & reliable water heater! Take advantage that you’re NOT in New York City and take your time.
4. Plan to leave at a time you know you’re not going to. We planned to be at the airport at 8:30 am and we got there at 9:15, PERFECT!
5. Carry so many (most unnecessary) things that you are guaranteed to throw your back out.
6. Be sure to show up at your gate 20 minutes past the time you were scheduled, the feeling of missing your fight is an amazing adrenaline rush.
7. Pack creams and lotion amounts you know are not going to pass security. Buy the expensive stuff, (make sure you make eye contact with the guard at the moment he/she throws them away) you can afford it.
8. Try extra hard to see what accommodations you can force on your airline in order to book you on another flight, it’s fun to act like your massive tardiness and unpreparedness is their fault. It’s also fun to have your bags take a vacation to another place where you aren’t going.
9. When on the plane, ask the attendant for a coffee discount offer, you’re going to drink the Sh*t out of it so tell them to put on a pot just for you and you’ll pay wholesale.
10. Try and take video of the experience.

It’s tough realizing that airports are not a baby’s (or parents of a baby) best friend, but we’ll learn how to streamline the process. By force, loss of money, and missing flights.

Fatherly Humility

When you arrive at your destination, take a deep breath; you’ll live. Remember there are some in the immediate vicinity who have shared this pain before and will give you a look of approval and smile that they understand where you are. It’s completely obvious to everyone that you’re a new dad and in on the job training. It’s not all bad and that one person you overhear saying something like “wow, he’s got a lot of stuff, what a great dad” makes you smile and your heart full of love.

This is today’s Trials of Being Dad!

Michael J. Carrasquillo is a NYC musician, filmmaker, speaker, organizer of NYC Media Makers & new father. He blogs at Issue De ‘Quillo and produces a podcast called “The Trials of Being Mike” and an upcoming podcast called “moments”. You can follow him on Twitter @mjcarrasquillo.

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