The American male’s obsession with the automobile is nurtured at a very young age.  We play with toy cars as soon as we are old enough that our parents are reasonably sure we won’t chew off and eat the tiny toy tires.  I myself was weaned on Corgi, Matchbox and Hot Wheels.  Driving – being able to get into a big shiny hunk of gears, pistons, metal and chrome, to take you wherever your heart desires -  is almost a physical expression of the American Dream…  Your wheels are your freedom.  Certainly that is how a teenager may look at it as they approach the driving age.  My oldest son, Zachary (now 20) was as obsessed with the prospect of driving as the best of us.  At 11 and 12 he begged me to get behind the wheel of a car.  In his mind, he was “ready” despite some ridiculous rules and laws that set the age for a Florida Driver Learners Permit at 15.  (From my point of view, raised in NY City where 17 was more the norm to learn to drive, even 15 is way too young.)  But Zach was persistent.  Just how persistent leads me to the following story.

HOME ALONE

For the past 7 years it has been only my three kids and me at home, so we hired a housekeeper (through an established agency) to be there everyday from 2 to 7 to help with the chores and provide adult supervision from the time the kids got home from school until I got home from work.  It seemed to be working fine, until one day when I arrived home a bit earlier than usual.  Two of my kids were home, but Zach (then 13) and the Housekeeper (who I will call Mary) were not.  The kids informed me that Zach and Mary had gone to the supermarket to get something.  Hmmm.  I scratched my head, not really thrilled that Mary would leave the house unattended, even though Ethan was 11 and the supermarket was just a mile down the road.  I went outside to get the mail, and as I walked up to the mailbox I noticed Mary’s car approaching.  As the car came closer, and I stepped to the curb to greet it, I nearly dropped the stack of mail in my hand.

A GRIN THAT WOULD MAKE THE CHESHIRE CAT JEALOUS

Mary’s car pulled up alongside me and stopped.  Mary was in the passenger seat and rolled down her window.  I leaned into the car to see my 13 year old son behind the wheel.  He turned toward me, with the biggest, bloated, most excited grin I had ever seen on his cherubic cheeked face.  “Hi Dad!  Mary let me drive!”  At that moment I was truly dumbfounded.  I looked at Mary with an expression of anger and confusion that I am sure you can envision.  She looked up at me and meekly said, “I didn’t feel well and he told me he knew how to drive…”  I glowered at her and through gritted teeth exclaimed, “He’s 13!!!!  He’ll tell you he knows how to fly to the moon!!!”  I didn’t know what else to say as my mind was racing with images of Zach driving to the local Publix supermarket.  Although it was nearby, driving there did involve navigating at least one fairly busy, 45 mph road.  WTF???  In a flash I imagined the horror stories of what could have happened had anything gone awry as my underage, uninsured, unbelievably naive son seized the streets of my neighborhood.  For a brief moment my anger was replaced with relief that despite the outrageous risks, everything had turned out okay.  That moment passed just as quickly and I sent Zach into the house to finish my “words” with Mary.

AS MUCH AS WE WISH WE COULD, PARENTS CANNOT BE OMNIPRESENT

Looking back, we can laugh at that event, and Zach still brags about what a good driver he was, even at age 13.  Needless to say, Mary was sent packing, and Zach and I had some tough discussions about judgement and responsibility.  Now all three of my kids are driving – the boys on their own, in their own cars, and my daughter with me and her recently acquired Learners Permit.  It is a stressful, scary time.  As parents we must have so much faith and confidence in our children to counterbalance what would otherwise be unending worry.  From the time they start leaving the house for hours at a time at school, we must accept that we have no choice but to let go a little and let them enter the world on its terms, and on their terms.  We cannot be everywhere and watch over them all the time.  We cannot completely protect them from the Mary’s of the world, who do not think or care about, or consider your child’s well being anything close to the way you do.  Who could?  There is nothing deeper or stronger than a parent’s concern for their own child.

Have you ever had a “Mary” place your child in a precarious situation?  How did you react as a parent?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 20, Ethan, 18 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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