Are You Following Your Kids?

Oct 11th, 2008 | By Jesse Stay | Category: Advice

pd_using_facebook_070710_ms.pngSocial Networking can be a great tool for any Dad or Mom for that matter to get where their kids are and know what they’re doing. Some of the most successful people in the industry use this same method to network and grow the number of people they come in contact with. A tip I leave many in PR or Marketing is that in order to get a Blogger or Reporter to take interest in your product or story is to get where those people are, interact with them through those means, and truly show interest in them, and they’ll eventually reciprocate. Then, when they know you and you are friends, it’s easy to share something with them and have them actually listen. Not only that, but you’ll know them better and you’ll know how to approach them in the future because you know what they like and dislike.

Bloggers are Like Kids (or was that the other way around?)

Yes, it’s true (and I’m one of them!). Isn’t it funny how this same approach could be used with our kids? Social Networks like Myspace and Facebook provide a unique means to getting to know our children. Too often we think of these places, or the latest fad of network as “childish”, or just a place for our kids to hang out. (Well, perhaps unless you’re a geek or early-adopter, but that’s besides my point.)

The best recommendation I could give any Dad with teenage children (I’m not there yet, but I’m getting very close!) is to follow your children on Facebook, or whatever Social Networks they belong to. Some might say, “but that’s stalking them! My children will never let me follow them on Facebook!” You’re approaching it wrong if your children give you that reaction.

With Social Networking, Famous People Aren’t so Foreign After-all!

I like to compare our kids with some of the more famous people you’ll come in contact with on Facebook or Twitter. For instance, how many of you follow Robert Scoble? How many of you have had him talk to you? How about Chris Brogan (who runs this site)? How about Louis Gray? Or Jeremiah Owyang? Of course, those are the easy ones, but similar strategies of trying to get to know each person, becoming friends at the locations they are, and showing interest in them can get any individual to reciprocate the attention you’re giving them. You’d never get to talk to these people if it weren’t for Social Networking.

With Social Networking, Kids Aren’t so Foreign After-all!

The same principle you can apply to “non-approachables” that are adults can also be applied to our kids. If you show genuine interest in your kids, go where they are, join the social networks they are on, all of the sudden you become human to them, and they become human to you. You know what’s going on in their life, and they see you truly care. They’ll share more with you and learn more of who you really are.

If you’re looking to build a stronger relationship with your children, know who they are, and what they’re doing, join up and add them as friends on the Social Networks they belong to! You never know what relationships can be forged ahead by doing so. In the 21st century, this is the best way you can listen as a Dad.

I’m considering doing more of these on Fatherhood and Social Networking. Let me know if this is of interest and I’ll keep sharing more!

Jesse is a father of 4 children, living in Salt Lake City, Utah. He blogs regularly at http://staynalive.com

Photo courtesy http://wesleying.blogspot.com/2007/08/helicopter-parents-use-facebook-to-f-up.html

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  • Ed,

    I think it's a great move. My wife has a cousin who is a sexual predator, and he has a Facebook account. Who knows how many more of those there are.
  • Ed
    Okay, one more update comment if you'll indulge me :~) ?

    An 'Official' update on what I was getting at;

    http://blog.facebook.com/blog.php?post=34342042130
  • Jesse,

    I'd definitely be interested in reading and participating in more of this. So write away!

    Wrote a big long comment here and then realised I needed to think more about this, get some clarity about it all. Thanks for spurring on more thought!
  • Ed
    In general, we should ALL be employing these measures:

    http://www.staysafeonline.org/
  • Ed
    Jesse, I think this was an excellent post, and I'd encourage you to continue.
    Terrific angle to elaborate on. This discussion matters as much as anything.
  • Ed, it's definitely something to be careful about. That's why, to an extent, I always only allow "friends" to see pictures and information about my kids, and I carefully review every request I get. At the same time, I lock my doors, set the alarm, have a gun on hand, and teach my kids stranger-danger. I also get to know my neighbors so they know when to notice suspicious activity. With that, even if information gets out about my family and children, I'm pretty well protected.
  • Ed
    I'm going to Pre-pologize for going semi-OT again, k?

    Great subject to blog about. Carefully.
    My first thought when I saw the headline earlier was 'internet security'.

    Anyone who answers in detail, or even a simple "yes", runs the risk
    of exposing an online relationship potentially with a kid.

    Keep it general.
    I often tell the story of a friend online who described her day on
    Twitter (which goes to FB and her blog), like this;

    "So excited to get "husbandname" home today from trip!
    Daughtername can't wait for him to see her miss 'anytown'
    crown! You've seen such an excited 12 year old!"
    See ya soon peeple! It's a 2 hour ride to airport,
    and little miss is staying home to get ready"

    She's got her home town and pics on her blog.
    She's also known to be wealthy.

    In other words:

    "Hey stalkers and theives, my gorgeous 12 yr old is home alone
    for the next 5 hours, we're loaded, here's the directions, thanks!"

    If this helps one parent become aware, it's worth a few kb's :)
  • Brian, you'll like my article on "small community" here: http://staynalive.com/articles/2008/02/09/the-p... - We're bringing back the days of the small town atmosphere, and enabling it in a very large, connected world. These services are all tools to make that possible. Brings a whole new meaning to the term, "It takes a village"...
  • @Jesse Stay wow great analogy and article, an uncommonly concise and informative read.

    "If you show genuine interest in your kids ... all of the sudden you become human to them, and they become human to you"

    Everybody knows this but it's hard to keep it in mind at every moment, thanks for the reminder.

    As a high-school tennis coach I have "friends" on-line who are sophomores in high school, which can present other problems. They write stoopid stuff on my "Wall". Their sophomoricness occasionally crosses my "news stream" -- thankfully, the newest tools from Facebook and others make it easy to tune them out.

    Danah Boyd said that these services are "networked publics" with rules similar to a public park. Adults are welcome as long as they don't act creepy and weird.
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