Creating A “No Phone” Zone

Aug 23rd, 2009 | By Jeff Sass | Category: Advice, Article

no mobile phones sign

I’m a bad example for my kids.  I live my life with my hand and/or my ear seemingly fused to a mobile device.  My current device of choice (with the emphasis on “vice”) is the Palm Pre.  Before that it was an HTC Touch Pro, a myriad of Palm Treo’s, a Motorola StarTac, a Blackberry Pager… whatever.  The device doesn’t matter, the bad behavior does.  For practically all of their lives, I don’t think my kids have ever known me to not have a phone, pager or PDA in my pocket.  I am guilty of using these devices inappropriately at times when my attention would (and should) have been better served focused on my kids, and where I was and what we, as a family, were doing.

MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO…

Not surprisingly, my kids have grown up in a world where owning mobile devices and being constantly connected is the norm.  According to a recent study in the UK, the average age a child gets their first mobile phone is now 8 years old.  It should be no surprise then, that by the time they are teens most kids can text with their eyes closed and, like me, they are rarely seen without their phone in hand.  I see this with my own kids, and while the parent in me wants to (and does) tell them to “put the phone down for a change,” how can I say it with a straight face when I have a hard time letting go of my own phone.  Hypocrisy is not my cup of tea.  What’s a dad to do?

CREATING A “NO PHONE” ZONE

Last weekend my son Zach and I went to the neighborhood Starbucks to share a cup of coffee and some quiet time together and talk.  Really talk.  With that in mind, I made a conscious (and frankly, difficult) effort to NOT LOOK AT OR TOUCH my phone the entire time.  He agreed to do the same.  Without my pestering Pre and his interrupting iPhone, we actually had a great, thoroughly engaged CONVERSATION.  We both noted how enjoyable it was to really talk naturally, and not in our more common phone induced A-D-D like spurts.  It felt GOOD.  With that in mind, I am now determined to create “no phone zones” with my kids, particularly starting around meals.  All too often we sit down to eat together (at home and in restaurants) and before the first bite we are each already more fascinated by our phones than our forks.  We are sitting at the same table, but we are clearly not in the same place.  This needs to change.  For starters, I am thinking of taking a small basket, placing it in the living room, and designating it as the “phone repository” for us all, and requiring our phones to go in the basket before we enter the kitchen to sit down for a meal.

What do you think?  Do you share this concern or has my bad example created the “phone-tastic” times I am experiencing?  Have you been successful in creating “no phone zones” with your kids?  Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

Photo Credit: © Stephen Finn – Fotolia.com

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  • This is a tough one for me as well for a couple of reasons.

    In education (I am a teacher) we talk about the difference between technology immigrants (those born before computers and such) and technology natives (those born after all the computer technology). Being born in 1973 I am a technology immigrant, my son being born in 2007 is definitely a technology native.

    I teach high school students who are also technology natives. The fact that they are always on a phone or have one earphone of their ipod stuck in their ear bothered me at first and, as most teachers do, I would ask them to stop. After many battles and talking with many students I realized that they just didn't get my perspective: they had always had these devices, and these devices had always been a part of their lives, why shouldn't they be using them all the time?

    My great grandmother didn't get telephones, why don't people just write letters?
    My Grandfather doesn't get computers, why not just type on a keyboard?
    My Dad doesn't get email, why not just pick up a phone?

    So, part of me thinks that my reaction to the situations you discuss in your post is because I am an immigrant and just not use to how constant technology is in our lives now.

    The other reason this issue is so tough for me is that the technology lets me spend more time with my family, even if I do have to answer a phone or sit on a computer sometimes. My wife and I went on a three week trip with our son to visit friends. If I didn't have my cell phone, iPod touch, and laptop with me I couldn't have gone for three weeks. I was able to answer emails, meet with clients, and carry on with my work while vacationing. A few hours here and there with the help of technology and

    (interestingly, my son came up and pushed my laptop shut saying "closed" while writing this post and handed me a book.)

    I was able to spend quality time with my family instead of being stuck in an office.

    I am not sure what the answer is. When my son is playing by himself I pull out the laptop and sneak some work in. When he wants to play he becomes my priority and I shut everything down. Is this teaching him the wrong lesson?

    I guess only time will tell.
  • DorothyP
    How many of those devices did you get for free?
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