Dad-o-Matic Quick Tip: Getting Kids to Say Thank You

Oct 18th, 2008 | By adjustafresh | Category: Advice

I’m sure (I hope) most of you will agree that teaching our children manners is crucial.  Here’s a simple way to reinforce your children saying, “thank you.”  

This Dad-o-Matic Quick Tip works best with younger children.  When you hand your child something that they have asked for, don’t let go. Keep your grip on the object–be it a toy, a juice box, a book, or anything else–until the child says thank you.  

They may give you a puzzled look at first, but they’ll catch on fast.  Let go as soon as the magic words are spoken, and say something to reinforce the behavior like, “wow – great manners; you’re welcome.”  If they won’t say “thank you,” don’t let go.  It works like a charm.

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  • Here's a random tip: The sign language for "thank you" is trivial. My wife starting teaching our children to say thank you long before they could speak - and the learned it it much more quickly and easier at that age. An un-expected bonus is that we can remind/prompt quietly: no end of times when we would be standing next to another adult who does something nice for a child and we (standing next to or behind the adult) make the thank you sign so that the child sees it and the adult does not. The child often smiles and says thank you and the adult is pleased (and impressed that the child was unprompted) and the child sees that and it re-enforces to the child. It started in our home before the children can speak and has gone a whole lot further than we had hoped.
  • Whatever combination of tactics works to get them to understand that it's expected behavior... Just make sure that you set the example consistently yourself and call attention to your – and others' – good manners regularly.
  • The purpose of doing something like this is to "train" your children, which could be argued is a form of manipulation (which in my book isn't a bad thing). We've trained our kids from word go pretty much, gradually putting more and more emphasis on them listening to what we say and responding accordingly.

    At a certain age you need to start putting stops in place. Whether it's holding the object to get them to say please, or taking it off them when they don't, or just talking to them .. You are still training them.
  • I'm not sure how maintaining your grasp is any more "manipulative" that verbally reminding a child to say thank you.

    I agree that modeling good manners for kids is always important

    Either way, the end goal is respectful and polite children. Something that we don't see enough of these days.
  • Nahhh... I wouldn't suggest you do that - it's rather manipulative, imo - but just make sure that YOU are polite 100% of the time. And, sometimes, I ask them "thank you?" to which they reply "oh, yeah, thank you daddy!"

    I will say that others frequently comment on how polite my children are. :-)
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