One thing I’ve learned through experience is that raising a child makes you a father, not simply the act of procreation. Far too many men can do the latter but a precious few ever even try to be the former. I respect and admire anyone that accepts the sacrifice and challenge of raising a child these days. I have even more admiration for those parents-especially dads-that choose to share the responsibilities of raising a child that another man fathered. It takes a special man to understand that these children need father figures no matter whose DNA they possess.
I know as a fact that there’s no difference in the way you love a child whether they are blood or adopted. My son Nicholas was adopted at birth and I love him as much as my other two children that we had. Honestly, I never think of him as “adopted” and even saying this is surprising because I think of him as my own flesh and blood.
The following song called “He Didn’t Have To Be” by Brad Paisley tells a wonderful story about the powerful impact a man can have a child’s life. He talks about this man who came in his momma’s life when he was a boy and not only made her happy but also her boy by being a wonderful father. It’s a beautiful sentiment that isn’t as common as it should be. Too many men shirk their duties or avoid responsibilities, especially if the child isn’t their own (what a horrible expression!).
I want to thank all you dads out there, especially those that are loving and raising children that share another man’s DNA. It’s the greatest calling in life, being a parent. These little girls and boys just want a dad to call their own. The guy who tucks them in at night, plays with them and love them unconditionally.
Here are the lyrics
“He Didn’t Have To Be”
When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new
It always winds up feeling more like a job interview
My momma used to wonder if she’d ever meet someone
Who wouldn’t find out about me and then turn around and runÂÂ
I met the man I call my dad when I was five years old
He took my mom out to a movie and for once I got to go
A few months later I remember lying there in bed
I overheard him pop the question and prayed that she’d say yesÂÂ
And then all of a sudden
Oh, it seemed so strange to me
How we went from something’s missing
To a family
Lookin’ back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to beÂÂ
I met the girl that’s now my wife about three years ago
We had the perfect marriage but we wanted somethin’ more
Now here I stand surrounded by our family and friends
Crowded ’round the nursery window as they bring the baby inÂÂ
And now all of a sudden
It seemed so strange to me
How we’ve gone from something’s missing
To a family
Lookin’ through the glass I think about the man
That’s standin’ next to me
And I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to beÂÂ
Lookin’ back all I can say
About all the things he did for me
Is I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to beÂÂ
Yeah, I hope I’m at least half the dad
That he didn’t have to be
Because he didn’t have to be
You know he didn’t have to be
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Wow.
Awesome.
Made my Sunday Paisano, thank you.
My 3 boys are homegrown but I get all of what you’re saying.
In fact our plans to bring a little girl home collapsed half way through
and it still hurts 10 years later.
Being a Dad is the love in action, that you allow the child to draw
out of you.
It doesn’t matter what tree the apple was grown on.
My friend Andrea Cockrum blogged her experiences in bringing home
some of their kids (one of their daughters, Aven, was adopted from Guatemala after this was updated-she blogs elsewhere now)
http://www.questionsweget.com/
Thanks again, for the re-energizing post. 🙂
~Ed
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Wow.
Awesome.
Made my Sunday Paisano, thank you.
My 3 boys are homegrown but I get all of what you’re saying.
In fact our plans to bring a little girl home collapsed half way through
and it still hurts 10 years later.
Being a Dad is the love in action, that you allow the child to draw
out of you.
It doesn’t matter what tree the apple was grown on.
My friend Andrea Cockrum blogged her experiences in bringing home
some of their kids (one of their daughters, Aven, was adopted from Guatemala after this was updated-she blogs elsewhere now)
http://www.questionsweget.com/
Thanks again, for the re-energizing post. 🙂
~Ed
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Inspiring post, Dorian. A confidence builder, too, for those of us who grew up without a dad, and are striving to be the best men we can be for our own children.
Appreciate your encouragement, as well, for potential adoptive parents who may be apprehensive that these beautiful kids won’t be loved as much as their natural/biological children. You’ve debunked that effectively, I think.
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Inspiring post, Dorian. A confidence builder, too, for those of us who grew up without a dad, and are striving to be the best men we can be for our own children.
Appreciate your encouragement, as well, for potential adoptive parents who may be apprehensive that these beautiful kids won’t be loved as much as their natural/biological children. You’ve debunked that effectively, I think.
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Another great post Pai. As Mike said, inspiring and encouraging.
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Another great post Pai. As Mike said, inspiring and encouraging.
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Thank you for this post, as it is rare that those of us who have ventured down this path are reassured of our decision.
My wife was 4 months pregnant when we started dating, and I think damn near every friend I had told me that I was insane (even though they agreed that she was a great girl). My parents thought I was insane (although thankfully their opinion has done a 180 in the last eight years).
Grant turned 8 in September and I am thankful every day that I didn’t listen to my parents or my friends.
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Thank you for this post, as it is rare that those of us who have ventured down this path are reassured of our decision.
My wife was 4 months pregnant when we started dating, and I think damn near every friend I had told me that I was insane (even though they agreed that she was a great girl). My parents thought I was insane (although thankfully their opinion has done a 180 in the last eight years).
Grant turned 8 in September and I am thankful every day that I didn’t listen to my parents or my friends.
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this song realy hits home to me cuz thats how i am with my girlfrends beautiful 6month old daughter. im the only father figure in that babys life her real dad left the hospital when she was bing born to go do drugs with his frend and even though me and kristy has only been togather for a month and a half iv dun ask her to be my wife . 1 of the reasons is cuz i feel in love with her as soon as i saw her another reason is becouse i feel in love with her daughter as soon as a held her
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this song realy hits home to me cuz thats how i am with my girlfrends beautiful 6month old daughter. im the only father figure in that babys life her real dad left the hospital when she was bing born to go do drugs with his frend and even though me and kristy has only been togather for a month and a half iv dun ask her to be my wife . 1 of the reasons is cuz i feel in love with her as soon as i saw her another reason is becouse i feel in love with her daughter as soon as a held her
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I found a special dad for my son, just like the one in this song. He accepted my son as his own and not once did he ever say or act like he wasnt his. He has since passed away but spent 17 years being a wonderful dad to our two sons. Our son listened to this song and it brought tears to his eyes, for all the memories of his dad. We wish that we could tell him what a special dad he was and the mark that he has left on this child that has since grown and had children of his own. My son is a great dad because of the great dad that accepted him into his life as his own.
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I found a special dad for my son, just like the one in this song. He accepted my son as his own and not once did he ever say or act like he wasnt his. He has since passed away but spent 17 years being a wonderful dad to our two sons. Our son listened to this song and it brought tears to his eyes, for all the memories of his dad. We wish that we could tell him what a special dad he was and the mark that he has left on this child that has since grown and had children of his own. My son is a great dad because of the great dad that accepted him into his life as his own.
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Wow I couldn’t have said it better myself my dad was that man to my oldest sister and we never called her a half-sister and he never treated her any different then his 4 biological children.
MY husband is doing the same with my son we have been together since he was 14 months he is now almost 7 and call my husband dad because he is He is the one who takes him to school baseball swimming tuck him in etc…
I couldn’t have asked for a better man to have waked into my life
A big thank-you to all the men strong enough and willing to look after and love a child who was fatherd by anouther man
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Wow I couldn’t have said it better myself my dad was that man to my oldest sister and we never called her a half-sister and he never treated her any different then his 4 biological children.
MY husband is doing the same with my son we have been together since he was 14 months he is now almost 7 and call my husband dad because he is He is the one who takes him to school baseball swimming tuck him in etc…
I couldn’t have asked for a better man to have waked into my life
A big thank-you to all the men strong enough and willing to look after and love a child who was fatherd by anouther man
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To Joanne,
We seem to be living quite the same lives. My mother met my stepfather 19 years ago, he passed away last August, and he was the best father any could ask for. My mom had 3 children when he, 24 at the time, met her. Everyone thought he was crazy, but he did everything he could for us three and unless someone told you that we weren’t his bio children, you would have never been able to tell. I’m sorry for your loss, I completely understand how it feels to not be able to tell him what he meant to you. I wanted so badly to play out the part in the song in front of the nursery window, but unfortunately have not had my children yet. I can’t help but tear up everytime the song plays as well, and hopefully I will be half the dad that he didn’t have to be.
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To Joanne,
We seem to be living quite the same lives. My mother met my stepfather 19 years ago, he passed away last August, and he was the best father any could ask for. My mom had 3 children when he, 24 at the time, met her. Everyone thought he was crazy, but he did everything he could for us three and unless someone told you that we weren’t his bio children, you would have never been able to tell. I’m sorry for your loss, I completely understand how it feels to not be able to tell him what he meant to you. I wanted so badly to play out the part in the song in front of the nursery window, but unfortunately have not had my children yet. I can’t help but tear up everytime the song plays as well, and hopefully I will be half the dad that he didn’t have to be.