“Father of Mine” by EverClear is an extra special song for me because it truly hits home for me on a deep personal level. I relate to the words so much because my father left our mom with four sons in a strange new land when I was a toddler and I never really got to know him. I wanted to become a successful young man before I had my man to man conversation with him where I would learn more about his side of the story and ultimately I would find a way to forgive him if for no other reason than for closure on my part. Well, I never got that chance because he passed away tragically at a young age.
It took me a long time to deal with his death, the second time he would leave me without saying goodbye or any reasons. I eventually made peace with him when I made a pilgrimage to his grave in Miami, Florida a few years ago. I had that man to man conversation and had my cry and forgave him. I swear, a massive burden was lifted from my shoulders that day and I was never the same again.
As for this incredibly poignant song from EverClear (such an apropo name too), the lyrics and the music video truly move me because so much of it describes how I felt. Much of it is so similar to what happened with our dad and our family.
The part that gets me the most is “I was just scared white boy in a black neighborhood” because we grew up in Newark, New Jersey. We were one of the few non-black families in the neighborhood and school.Ironically though, I’m grateful for my childhood and growing up where I did. I didn’t learn about racism until much later in life when I moved down south but that’s another story.
The other part of the song that’s eerie is about the five dollar bills he would get from his dad which is what I’d get once a year or so. This passage really touches me:
I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
Now Im a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear I’m not going to let her know
All the pain I have known
Anyway, men can decide to be just like their dads or they can choose to be even better. I’ve chosen to be the father that I never had. I cherish each and every day with my three children and I know that they love their old man. I’ve chosen to learn from the sins of my father and I believe it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Sadly, too many of us men choose to repeat the same mistakes that our dads made. Still, it’s never too late to change for the better. I know I would’ve forgiven my dad if he came to me and asked for forgiveness, even after I grew up without him. Ultimately, I did forgive him anyway.
Here are the words
Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away
I remember blue skies
Walking the block
I loved it when you held me high
I loved to hear you talk
You would take me to the movie
You would take me to the beach
You would take me to a place inside
That is so hard to reach
Father of mine
Tell me where did you go
You had the world inside your hand
But you did not seem to know
Father of mine
Tell me what do you see
When you look back at your wasted life
And you dont see me
I was ten years old
Doing all that I could
It wasnt easy for me
To be a scared white boy
In a black neighborhood
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then
And I guess I never will
Daddy gave me a name
My dad he gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Daddy gave me a name
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
I just closed my eyes
And the world disappeared
Father of mine
Tell me how do you sleep
With the children you abandoned
And the wife I saw you beat
I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
Now Im a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear Im not going to let her know
All the pain I have known
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My dad gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Then he walked away
Then he walked away
If you would like to make a comment, please fill out the form below.
Dad-o-Matic shares opinions, reviews, advice and news for dads. It is a project started by Chris Brogan, but featuring lots of voices. Receive updates free. Click HERE.
That’s a moving post Pai. Agreed and doubly agreed.
I’m very blessed to have had a Dad who was around, and still is. My folks are more in love now than ever.
But the truth of what you say is still the same. We can be better as Dad’s. Cherishing each moment we have with our kids, while we have them as “kids”, and then beyond.
Cheers!
Love this post. Have always related to this song, too. My dad left my family when I was fifteen. You never forget, you just accept. I forgave my father, too. I had to, for my sake. My brother is always saying, “I will a better father than my own.” I say to him, “You are a better father.” Thanks.
[...] Reading this post. [...]
A great post and a gentle reminder for all of us in father roles to think about this responsibility and to consider how we can make ourselves better at it than we would have been.
My dad was a huge part of my life. He taught me a lot about patience, persistence, intelligence, and inquiry. We all learn from our fathers whether they know it or not.
Thanks for sharing this. It will mean a lot to many…
sean808080
http://sean808080.com
great post, I strive to do well like you do
I’m linking to this excellent post from my blog. I’m a woman who was savagely abused by three different families. At 55 I’m still cleaning up the mess. This post is another miracle of fighting against the monster: “The garbage stops HERE!”
Thanks to all you dads who fill up little holes of longing in my soul for the father I never had.
Great Blog! I just found this blog via LuckyStartups.com! Thanks for posting this! If you don’t mind I am going to send this blog/post to our members on BabySpot! Only Dads of course…lol
Great post! Funny, I was rocking to this song yesterday - it came on the radio and I hadn’t heard it in forever… love Everclear! It is a pretty powerful song. You’re right, we have to make our own path of the father we want to be… -B
I had a slightly different experience as my dad got a disease (MS) when I was 10 and I effectively lost him at 12 or so. I found a poem he had written as a young man and I know find myself looking at that poem more and more for inspiration for my own life. The words are haunting because the trap he fell into is one we can all copy in our own way.
Here’s a taste:
“Who’s In There”
There’s something straining inside my suit
The pinstripes are waving
My Ivy tie is flapping
My wingtips want to fly
Hey who’s that in there
The CPA - Oh no!
It must be someone I know
Hey who’s in there
Oh the family man
yeah he wants to go home and nap with his older one
and squeeze his younger one
No?
Then who?
…
This is a truly inspired post. I am the Father that left. It has taken years and a lot of hard work to rebuild the relationship with my daughters, and I thank God that they are better people than I am and have been open to rebuilding that relationship.
The song has an impact no matter which side of the equation you are on.
[...] daily. For me the best post this week, if not the best ever post on here was written by Paisano - Sins of the Father. He uses the song by Everclear Father of Mine to relate the sense of abandoment, confusion and [...]
this song tell my father and my childhood :) i love it