Sometimes I long for the days B.L.
Before Lucy.
Lucy is my seven-month-old daughter and first child. As an entrepreneur, I mistakenly thought my life resembled a roller coaster before this adventure into fatherhood. I realize now that I was only riding the wimpy kiddie coaster — the one without the big drops, corkscrews, and urges to vomit.
Looking back, I enjoyed a lot more freedom then. I had way more time to myself, and I could come and go as I pleased. My wife Kim and I could watch more than one hour of a movie before slipping into comas. I didn’t have to deal with dirty diapers, some of which I’ve dubbed “Evil Mash.†(You know the ones I’m talking about.) Traveling was a lot easier. Taking naps or going to the bookstore when I felt like it was, too. And I didn’t have to concern myself with trying to figure out (and prevent) all 8,745 ways an infant can hurt herself.
However.
Like my dad says, “The grass may look greener on the other side, but it still has to be cut.â€Â
Kim and I were married for eight years before we got pregnant, and we were actively shooting for a kid during the latter few. I remember wondering if we were destined to be childless, and dreamed for the day when someone would call me Dad. (Weird strangers and well-meaning friends didn’t count.)
If a time machine whisked me back to the days B.L., I’d no doubt yearn for fatherhood, and everything that comes with it. The easy smiles that appear when I walk into the room. The fuzzy, sweet-smelling head. The cute little toes. Afternoons spent on the swings. Bath time. And the feeling that, at least in the eyes of one little person, I am Superman.
No matter what stage of life you’re in, perspective is the key. Childhood was cool, what with the freedom from mortgage payments and the playing all day. But the whole going to school thing and not being able to drive was a real drag, wasn’t it? Everything has its pros and cons, and the choice on which to focus is yours and yours alone. It’s pretty simple, really. A seven-month-old might even understand it: Focusing on the pros makes you happy, while concentrating on the cons makes you sad. Easy to understand, easy to forget.
So, after careful consideration, I’ve come to an important conclusion: B.L. may have been easier, but A.L. is better.
Jason Kotecki is a dad who also moonlights as an artist, author, and professional speaker. Jason and his wife Kim (a former kindergarten teacher) make it their mission in life to fight Adultitis and help people use strategies from childhood to create lives with less stress and more fun. Stop by www.KimandJason.com and follow them on Twitter @kimandjason
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Very true Jason…easier is not always better. And, the reason it’s better is because you have to work at it. I love the Adultitis site – I’m going to have to show my wife.
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Very true Jason…easier is not always better. And, the reason it’s better is because you have to work at it. I love the Adultitis site – I’m going to have to show my wife.
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I appreciate such an honest view of being a new parent, I went through a few phases of asking myself “what have I done?” as well, and thought back to “the good old days”.
However, every time my son hits a new developmental stage and can do more and interact more I fall more and more in love with being a Dad. At 20 months I still yearn for free time every now and again, but my perspective now is:
“what did I do with all my time before Fionn? I don’t want to go back to that, it would be so boring.”
Now I am busy trying to create new ways to make money so I can spend even more time with my wife and son, I am getting addicted and don’t want to miss a second of him growing up.
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I appreciate such an honest view of being a new parent, I went through a few phases of asking myself “what have I done?” as well, and thought back to “the good old days”.
However, every time my son hits a new developmental stage and can do more and interact more I fall more and more in love with being a Dad. At 20 months I still yearn for free time every now and again, but my perspective now is:
“what did I do with all my time before Fionn? I don’t want to go back to that, it would be so boring.”
Now I am busy trying to create new ways to make money so I can spend even more time with my wife and son, I am getting addicted and don’t want to miss a second of him growing up.
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Tyler – thanks. Yep, anything worth having requires a little effort, which in turn makes the reward that much sweeter. Be sure to take the intake on the Adultitis site — I have a feeling you won’t be diagnosed with a full-blown case.
Jeremie – I’m glad you appreciated the candor. I remember hearing Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) talking about when he had his little girl. He said the experience made him feel like everything he did before she came along was a waste of time. Now I get what he meant.
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Tyler – thanks. Yep, anything worth having requires a little effort, which in turn makes the reward that much sweeter. Be sure to take the intake on the Adultitis site — I have a feeling you won’t be diagnosed with a full-blown case.
Jeremie – I’m glad you appreciated the candor. I remember hearing Eddie Vedder (lead singer of Pearl Jam) talking about when he had his little girl. He said the experience made him feel like everything he did before she came along was a waste of time. Now I get what he meant.
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Jason:
Great post — thank you for sharing your perspective. I’m 40, single, and only until recently have I kind of wanted to be a dad. If I ever do, I’ll be a little older as I chase my kid(s). But, at this point in my life, I’m most concerned with trying to meet the woman of my dreams (and possibly the mother of my children). Oh, and trying to find a job. It is really difficult for me to envision fatherhood without a wife in my picture. I’m not sure if I’m like other guys, but I never wanted to be a father for father’s sake, but more out of love for my wife. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I love to visit my best friend who is married and has an almost three year old. Ever time I visit, chaos erupts…the dog, the kid, the dirt, the crying. Her daughter is absolutely beautiful and I love to visit, but I also come home every time with a renewed appreciation for my peace. Someday, the peace and quiet may disappear, but I feel better knowing (thanks to your post) that life can get a lot better.
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Jason:
Great post — thank you for sharing your perspective. I’m 40, single, and only until recently have I kind of wanted to be a dad. If I ever do, I’ll be a little older as I chase my kid(s). But, at this point in my life, I’m most concerned with trying to meet the woman of my dreams (and possibly the mother of my children). Oh, and trying to find a job. It is really difficult for me to envision fatherhood without a wife in my picture. I’m not sure if I’m like other guys, but I never wanted to be a father for father’s sake, but more out of love for my wife. I don’t know if that makes sense.
I love to visit my best friend who is married and has an almost three year old. Ever time I visit, chaos erupts…the dog, the kid, the dirt, the crying. Her daughter is absolutely beautiful and I love to visit, but I also come home every time with a renewed appreciation for my peace. Someday, the peace and quiet may disappear, but I feel better knowing (thanks to your post) that life can get a lot better.
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Tim: Thanks for the feedback. And yes, the wife thing is kind of an important aspect of the fatherhood thing. My advice: don’t settle. You’ll know her when you meet her. I also felt the same way about appreciating the peacefulness of my life Before Lucy, and was quite worried that my life as a dad would pale in comparison. But so far, the experience has been one I wouldn’t trade for the world. (And it’s a lot different when it’s your own kid, too, as opposed to a niece or nephew or something like that.)
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Tim: Thanks for the feedback. And yes, the wife thing is kind of an important aspect of the fatherhood thing. My advice: don’t settle. You’ll know her when you meet her. I also felt the same way about appreciating the peacefulness of my life Before Lucy, and was quite worried that my life as a dad would pale in comparison. But so far, the experience has been one I wouldn’t trade for the world. (And it’s a lot different when it’s your own kid, too, as opposed to a niece or nephew or something like that.)
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