Words Can Hurt

Aug 3rd, 2009 | By Benjamin Strong | Category: Advice

Shifting Perspectives 2008

My wife and I are preparing our oldest son for kindergarten.  This is a huge step for him.  Our oldest has Down syndrome and we decided to hold him back a year in preschool.  Now, however, he is ready for kindergarten.  While I am excited about the new things my son will be exposed to I am also worried about some of the negative things that might occur.  My biggest fear is that he will be called a retard.

Yup, I said it. Retard.  Probably one of the meanest words you can say, yet people use it all the time.  “This computer is acting retarded.” You know you’ve heard it.  You may have even said it yourself.  You heard Napolean Dynomite use the word retard.  And that’s the trouble with the word.  It’s part of our lexicon.

As fathers we can help stop its use.  Our children look up to us and model our behavior.  We can choose other words that are less hurtful.  Most importantly we can take retard out of our vocabulary and make the world a tiny bit better for children like my son.

Are you willing to help?

Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by Phototropism

Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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  • mnems_mom
    First, I'd like to say that you have a beautiful little boy. I have a 6 year old little girl with Down Syndrome, and because of where we live, we had no choice but to enroll her in school, even if I didn't think that she was ready for it.

    When I had my first meeting with the woman who would be her coordinator throughout elementary school, she explained to me that my daughter would have to go through an assessment to determine whether she is mentally retarded or not. Hearing those words devastated me. My daughter is extremely intelligent, knows what she does and doesn't want, and has no problem expressing herself.

    Unfortunately, as you said, the word "retard" is just like any other word that has been used way too freely. It seems to be those that are not touched by the angels that are among us that have any type of disability that use the word most often.

    Anyway, thank you so much for sharing!
  • dontcry
    Although not as direct, my wife's aunt spent some time with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck at birth and is what I could consider moderately retarded. I run into folks all the time who use the word inappropriately and I always remind them that it's probably not the correct way to communicate.
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  • stevewright
    And by the way a wonderful, wonderful picture.
  • stevewright
    This was a great post. Although not as direct, my wife's aunt spent some time with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck at birth and is what I could consider moderately retarded. I run into folks all the time who use the word inappropriately and I always remind them that it's probably not the correct way to communicate. Thanks for bringing this light.
  • Jeremie,
    Encouraging your students to look at the actual meaning of the word is a great idea! I think it is great that it helped stop the use of the word as well. I am amazed how common the use of retarded has become, even in the media. There have been some successful grass roots campaigns by local support groups to stop its use in the media. The Connecticut Down Syndrome Congress has been worked hard to have the word removed from a talking Napoleon Dynamite pen and has even picketed against the movie Tropic Thunder.

    Thank you for sharing your strategy!
  • As a junior high and high school teacher I run into the use of the word "retarded" all the time, and I agree, people say it without giving it a second thought. After spending lots of time with the usual discussion about why not to use the word, and getting no success I changed my tactics.

    Now when one of my students uses the word retarded I ask them how that object or person is delaying them from doing what they want to do. Why is your ipod not working slowing you down? How is your group member delaying the project?

    I guess what I am trying to do is return the word to its actual meaning instead of the negative connotations that have been attached to the word. In my classrooms the word is almost non-existent now, so I have had success with the tactic.

    I know this probably doesn't help with a kindergarten aged child, but wanted to try and give some ideas in other ways you can work with the word as your child grows older.
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