A few weeks ago I wrote about “5 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids” and there were some great comments and discussion that followed the post. Â Thank YOU for chiming in. Â In the spirit of countering the negative with the positive, I thought I would follow up with a few things that we should say to our kids, and say them as often as possible. Â A parent’s words are powerful weapons when aimed at our kids, so let’s use those weapons for good. Â With that in mind (and to remind myself), here are:
5 Things You SHOULD Say To Your Kids
1. “Yes.” – When your child says “come here a minute,” say YES. Â When your kid says “can you help me?” say YES. Â When your youngster says “can I try that?” say YES. Â When your first inclination is to say “in a minute” or “not now” or “maybe later” or “I am busy” or “I can’t right now” fight the urge and say YES instead. Â Stop what you are doing and give your undivided attention to your child. There will come a time when they may stop asking and you will have missed the chance to say YES more often. (Trust me on this one!)
2. “That was really good.” – We all need confidence and self-esteem to be happy and successful and as parents we are in the position to heap plenty of praise on our kids. Â We have the power to find something positive in virtually everything our kids may do. Â Find the good, and focus your praise on it, as often as you can. Â Praise is a great way to raise your child’s confidence and self-image, and focusing on the positive feels so much better.
3. “How are you?” – A simple question that can go a long way if you mean it when you ask it, and listen… really listen, when it is answered. Â HINT: This is a good tip for dealing with the adults in your life as well.
4. Â “I am proud of you.” – Our kids naturally seek our approval, and letting them know that we are proud of them makes you feel as good as it makes them feel. Â Showing your pride for your kids is also a great way to brag about them to others without being obnoxious. Â It is great to tell someone else how proud of your child you are, especially when you do it in front of your child.
5. “I love you.” – I know I have written about this before, but “Love” is the one four letter word you can never get in trouble for saying it to your kids. Â Sure, your kids know that you love them, more than anything… more than words can easily express. Â Even so, nothing beats looking them in the eye and telling them, straight up. Â “I love you” are the three words a child cherishes from their parents. Â Don’t make them wait for it. Â Say it a lot. Â They will know you mean it…
Do you agree with these five things? Â What did I leave out? Â Please add more things we should say to our kids in the comments.
?Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 18).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes!and Social Networking Rehab and you can listen to Jeff on the Cast of Dads podcast.
?Photo Credit: © Yuri Arcurs – Fotolia.com
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Jeff,
Great article and reminders to all parents out there. Kids need to have this reinforcement, especially today given all of the tasks we have going on.
Again, thanks for the reminder-I vote for someone (hummm… maybe I should do this) to create an iCal Calendar that includes all of these as daily events that we can upload and use everyday.
Let me know if we should collaborate on this idea-could be a great tool to carry to our community here.
Dean Holmes
@deanholmes
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Jeff, The power of these words are phenomenal. A fathers affirming and loving words can change the trajectory of a girl’s or boy’s life. I help lead a weekend where we take guys through a lot of their history growing up, and some of it goes into crap that happened to them as kids…or didn’t in this case.They actually have the power of life and death. I have seen this play out in so many peoples lives! I could write a book on the stories I have heard from men that either got these words or didn’t. One thing at @bootcampnw that we hope the guys walk away with, whether they heard it or not from their dad is “you’ve got what it takes” no matter what comes your way. I am trying to say that to my kids even though many days I am still trying to convince myself of it.
On another cool note I don’t remember my dad saying he loved me much growing up. Now at 74, he tells he does every phone call or visit. I can’t tell you what strength it gives my heart to hear him say those words.
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Jeff,
Great article and reminders to all parents out there. Kids need to have this reinforcement, especially today given all of the tasks we have going on.
Again, thanks for the reminder-I vote for someone (hummm… maybe I should do this) to create an iCal Calendar that includes all of these as daily events that we can upload and use everyday.
Let me know if we should collaborate on this idea-could be a great tool to carry to our community here.
Dean Holmes
@deanholmes
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Jeff,
Great article and reminders to all parents out there. Kids need to have this reinforcement, especially today given all of the tasks we have going on.
Again, thanks for the reminder-I vote for someone (hummm… maybe I should do this) to create an iCal Calendar that includes all of these as daily events that we can upload and use everyday.
Let me know if we should collaborate on this idea-could be a great tool to carry to our community here.
Dean Holmes
@deanholmes
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Jeff, The power of these words are phenomenal. A fathers affirming and loving words can change the trajectory of a girl's or boy's life. I help lead a weekend where we take guys through a lot of their history growing up, and some of it goes into crap that happened to them as kids…or didn't in this case.They actually have the power of life and death. I have seen this play out in so many peoples lives! I could write a book on the stories I have heard from men that either got these words or didn't. One thing at @bootcampnw that we hope the guys walk away with, whether they heard it or not from their dad is “you've got what it takes” no matter what comes your way. I am trying to say that to my kids even though many days I am still trying to convince myself of it.
On another cool note I don't remember my dad saying he loved me much growing up. Now at 74, he tells he does every phone call or visit. I can't tell you what strength it gives my heart to hear him say those words.
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Jeff, The power of these words are phenomenal. A fathers affirming and loving words can change the trajectory of a girl's or boy's life. I help lead a weekend where we take guys through a lot of their history growing up, and some of it goes into crap that happened to them as kids…or didn't in this case.They actually have the power of life and death. I have seen this play out in so many peoples lives! I could write a book on the stories I have heard from men that either got these words or didn't. One thing at @bootcampnw that we hope the guys walk away with, whether they heard it or not from their dad is “you've got what it takes” no matter what comes your way. I am trying to say that to my kids even though many days I am still trying to convince myself of it.
On another cool note I don't remember my dad saying he loved me much growing up. Now at 74, he tells he does every phone call or visit. I can't tell you what strength it gives my heart to hear him say those words.
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That is a great list….I would add, “What do you think?” or “What is your idea?” a good way to let kids know at an early age that their opinion matters!
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That is a great list….I would add, “What do you think?” or “What is your idea?” a good way to let kids know at an early age that their opinion matters!
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That is a great list….I would add, “What do you think?” or “What is your idea?” a good way to let kids know at an early age that their opinion matters!
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Jeff,
I love it! Two things I would add (both of which I say to my kiddos often) are “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.”
Often I think our kids get the idea that they are the only ones who are ever in the wrong and that moms and dads never have to say we’re sorry. In our house, that isn’t the case. My husband and I get it wrong sometimes, and when we do, we fess up. There are a lot of days where the truth is, we owe our kids an apology, and they need to see that when an adult is in the wrong, they are big enough to admit it.
Keep doing what you’re doing~
@kescovedo
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Jeff,
I love it! Two things I would add (both of which I say to my kiddos often) are “I'm sorry” and “I was wrong.”
Often I think our kids get the idea that they are the only ones who are ever in the wrong and that moms and dads never have to say we're sorry. In our house, that isn't the case. My husband and I get it wrong sometimes, and when we do, we fess up. There are a lot of days where the truth is, we owe our kids an apology, and they need to see that when an adult is in the wrong, they are big enough to admit it.
Keep doing what you're doing~
@kescovedo
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Jeff,
I love it! Two things I would add (both of which I say to my kiddos often) are “I'm sorry” and “I was wrong.”
Often I think our kids get the idea that they are the only ones who are ever in the wrong and that moms and dads never have to say we're sorry. In our house, that isn't the case. My husband and I get it wrong sometimes, and when we do, we fess up. There are a lot of days where the truth is, we owe our kids an apology, and they need to see that when an adult is in the wrong, they are big enough to admit it.
Keep doing what you're doing~
@kescovedo
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Jeff,
Thanks for you thoughts on this. I’m good at all the above except for the first and probably most important one. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what your doing and say “just one minute.” So many times that minute turns into 15 and then the opportunity has passed. Thanks for making me more conscious of it.
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I have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I’m always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
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Jeff,
Thanks for you thoughts on this. I'm good at all the above except for the first and probably most important one. It's so easy to get wrapped up in what your doing and say “just one minute.” So many times that minute turns into 15 and then the opportunity has passed. Thanks for making me more conscious of it.
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Jeff,
Thanks for you thoughts on this. I'm good at all the above except for the first and probably most important one. It's so easy to get wrapped up in what your doing and say “just one minute.” So many times that minute turns into 15 and then the opportunity has passed. Thanks for making me more conscious of it.
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I have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I'm always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
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I have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I'm always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
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I’d add one little thing to this great list: I would change “I am proud of you” to “I’m proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself.” Permission to be happy with yourself as a child is important 🙂
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I'd add one little thing to this great list: I would change “I am proud of you” to “I'm proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself.” Permission to be happy with yourself as a child is important 🙂
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I'd add one little thing to this great list: I would change “I am proud of you” to “I'm proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself.” Permission to be happy with yourself as a child is important 🙂
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We like to tell our kids (age 7 and 8) that “We believe in them”. We tell them that we believe in them to make good choices, to use their talents and grace for others, to be a good friend… etc… I like this phrase because it’s projecting our love and confidence in them into the future as well as telling them we’re proud of past/current behaviors.
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We like to tell our kids (age 7 and 8) that “We believe in them”. We tell them that we believe in them to make good choices, to use their talents and grace for others, to be a good friend… etc… I like this phrase because it's projecting our love and confidence in them into the future as well as telling them we're proud of past/current behaviors.
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We like to tell our kids (age 7 and 8) that “We believe in them”. We tell them that we believe in them to make good choices, to use their talents and grace for others, to be a good friend… etc… I like this phrase because it's projecting our love and confidence in them into the future as well as telling them we're proud of past/current behaviors.
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i particularly like the “yes” comment and i totally agree. i do find myself mentally scolding myself at times and having to change my response from “in a minute” to a positive “yes”. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of always saying you’ll do something later. and later never comes. kids then stop asking altogether, because they’ll expect you to say no.
http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com
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i particularly like the “yes” comment and i totally agree. i do find myself mentally scolding myself at times and having to change my response from “in a minute” to a positive “yes”. It's so easy to fall into the habit of always saying you'll do something later. and later never comes. kids then stop asking altogether, because they'll expect you to say no.
http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com
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i particularly like the “yes” comment and i totally agree. i do find myself mentally scolding myself at times and having to change my response from “in a minute” to a positive “yes”. It's so easy to fall into the habit of always saying you'll do something later. and later never comes. kids then stop asking altogether, because they'll expect you to say no.
http://marketingtomilk.wordpress.com
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Yea man! You are absolutely right. But i think you can also have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I’m always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
Thanks
webmaster
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Yea man! You are absolutely right. But i think you can also have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I'm always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
Thanks
webmaster
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Yea man! You are absolutely right. But i think you can also have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I'm always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
Thanks
webmaster
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Yea man! You are absolutely right. But i think you can also have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I'm always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
Thanks
webmaster
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Yea man! You are absolutely right. But i think you can also have to admit, saying sorry and I was wrong to our kids is something my wife thought me to do. Having a 4 and a 2 year old, I was not quite familiar with the concept. But I'm always amazed at how well our kids react to this and accept the explanation.
Thanks
webmaster
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Great stuff thanks for the reminder on these I sometimes find myself stuck in the grind and forget the key parts of being a dad. Especially “how are you?” thinking kids are always just fine is sometimes just general thinking, most don’t know how to express them selves yet. Even the simple things sometimes bother them and you think nothing of it.
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Great stuff thanks for the reminder on these I sometimes find myself stuck in the grind and forget the key parts of being a dad. Especially “how are you?” thinking kids are always just fine is sometimes just general thinking, most don't know how to express them selves yet. Even the simple things sometimes bother them and you think nothing of it.
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Great stuff thanks for the reminder on these I sometimes find myself stuck in the grind and forget the key parts of being a dad. Especially “how are you?” thinking kids are always just fine is sometimes just general thinking, most don't know how to express them selves yet. Even the simple things sometimes bother them and you think nothing of it.