One of the worst memories of my childhood was during one of my first summers at Sleep Away camp.  (NOTE: I know, I must have had a darn good childhood if the following story is one of my worst memories… I did!) I must have been 9 or 10 years old.  It was visiting day weekend and I had enjoyed spending some quality time with my parents.  To minimize the onslaught of camp wide homesickness, parents were asked to quietly leave during Sunday lunch, while us kids were distracted with food and getting back to our normal camp routines.  I had resigned myself to this and had said my good-byes before we lined up by bunk outside the cafeteria.  My parents, however, sort of broke the rules and while I was eating they worked their way around the cafeteria building and found the window right beside my table.  As I was about to bite into my food there was a rapping on the window.  I looked up and there were my parents, smiling and waving at me goofily.  My mom blew me some kisses, they mouthed the words “good-bye” and then walked away down the road…  To say they gave me an instant lump in my throat is beyond an understatement.  I had a ROCK in my throat that appeared like magic, choking me as I choked back the tears, my cheeks turning instantly rosy with an uncomfortable swell of heated emotion.  I excused myself from the table, ran to the bathroom and bawled like a baby…

HOT FUN IN THE SUMMERTIME…

I seem to recall this story every summer, and certainly whenever I want to guilt trip my parents for emotional abuse as a child. Despite the pain of the moment, I managed to survive the rest of the summer at Sleep Away, and many more summers thereafter, as both a camper and eventually, a counselor.  As we are in the thick of camp season now, with my firsthand experience with homesickness, and my years of tenure at camp, I thought I would share some suggestions as how to ensure a successful Summer Camp Visiting Day visit.  I tried to follow these as best I could when visiting my own kids at camp when they were younger:

1. Observe, don’t lead – this is the time to let your kid shine.  Let them take the lead and show you how things work at camp.  Let them relish in the limelight of a life that is “theirs” during the summer, and not one where every move is dictated by you.

2. Bring Goodie Bags – share the love and bring a small, goody bag-like gift for each of the kids in your child’s bunk.  They will love it, and they will heap praise upon your child for having the cool parents.  It will also help ease the awkwardness for the one kid in the bunk who’s parents did not come to visiting day (and there always seems to be at least one kid in that sad boat…)

3. Lavish Your Child With His/Her Stuff Privately – if you show up with lots of stuff for your kid, like a new baseball glove or iPod or other toys/games/gadgets, give them to your child privately and not in front of the other kids in the bunk.  Not everyone is in the same position and not all parents take the same approach to gifts (for both economic and philosophical reasons) and you don’t want to put your kid in an awkward position as the object of envy amongst his/her summer roommates.

4. Follow the rules – while you may think it is cool to do things your way, camps have rules for a reason, and if you break the rules (by smuggling in contraband items, by sneaking your kid out of camp for a spell, by slipping some cash to the counselor, etc.) you may be unwittingly putting undue stress on your child, who has just become accustomed to the new environment and new “house rules,” and who doesn’t necessarily want to be the “bad” kid (or the kid with the bad parents)  in the eyes of the camp.

5. Give your kid a proper good-bye! – of course, give your kid a proper hug and kiss good-bye, and do your best not to give them an unwelcome lump in the throat!

Summer Camp can be a wonderful, formative experience, and despite that dreadful departure day, I have extremely fond memories of my camping years that I really do cherish.  What do you think?  How have your “visiting day” experiences been, both as a camper and as a parent?   Do you agree with the 5 tips above?

Jeff Sass is the proud dad of ZEO (Zach, 21, Ethan, 19 and Olivia, 17).  He is also a seasoned entertainment and technology exec and active social media enthusiast.  You can see more of Jeff’s writing at Sassholes! and Social Networking Rehab.

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