Explaining 9/11 to my son

Sep 11th, 2009 | By Benjamin Strong | Category: Article
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"The Sphere" in Battery Park

I have never written about my experiences on September 11th.  At the time I was working for the Federal Emergency Management Agency in the Urban Search and Rescue Division.   That morning we were watching the events unfold in New York City when we heard the Pentagon was attacked.  We could see the thick acrid smoke hanging over the Washington, DC skyline.  I lost several colleagues in the collapse of the World Trade Center and had some friends survive.  I worked for a few weeks in New York helping with the recovery on an Incident Support Team.

Earlier this year I took my son to my office in lower Manhattan.  I had to pick up some things for work.  We walked around Battery Park, took pictures of the Statue of Liberty, and enjoyed one of New York’s great parks.

My son spotted a statue and wanted to learn more about it.  He walked up to the statue, The Sphere, and started asking why it was broken.  I told him the statue used to be at the World Trade Center.  He was insistent as only a four year old can be, “… but why is it BROKEN?”  With that I was faced with the dilemma of how to explain 9/11 to my son.

I told him the statue was between two buildings that fell down.  I told him some people didn’t like us  and made the buildings fall down and Daddy had to go help.  Then he focused on the eternal flame adjacent to the statue.  “What is that fire for,” he asked.  I told him the fire was there so we never forget the people that were there.  I didn’t tell him that thousands of people died.  I wanted to focus on how we remember.  I didn’t tell him airplanes crashed into the building, I just said they fell down.

I hope I have shielded him from some of the raw tragedy of September 11th.  There is plenty of time for him to learn more about the event in the future.  For now, he knows something bad happened and our focus is on remembering the people.

Did you survive the attacks?  How do you explain it to your kids?

Photo credit: uploaded to Flickr by Michael McDonough

Benjamin Strong is the Director of Marketing for the United States Coast Guard Amver search and rescue program.  He is the father of three boys, the oldest with Down syndrome.  You can follow his professional exploits on the Amver blog or on Twitter.  His personal thoughts are here.

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  • Whether it is 9/11 or some other huge world tragedy there will come a time when you have to explain something like this to your kids. With TV being what it is, and the way news and other media grab on to an event and play and replay the most graphic images of it, you will have to have this conversation.

    Benjamin, I think you got it right. Stick to facts but try to downplay the scary parts. Try to emphasize what can be learned. Life is scary and complicated and grown up enough for our children. Whenever possible, we need to be the safe place they look to when they are scared or confused. Good Daddy-ing.
  • I have a 14 year old daughter who has Down syndrome, and I live in Israel. Often I have had to try and explain to her security measures, etc.
    A study down here showd that the hardest-hit (phychologically) part of the population (due to terror) here is the special-needs population, as they have trouble at times understanding things, yet are as vulnerable as everyone else.

    I think you did GREAT. You have to explain, yet keep it uncomplicated.
  • Julie
    There are a number of children's books available to explain 9/11 to children. My best friend's husband is a NYC firefighter who survived and I know they own 1 or 2 of these books.

    http://nyc4kids.tripod.com/

    (scroll the page to see the book listings.)
  • Dan
    Exactly!. As I wrote on my blog today, I now have "that" story, where I know exactly where I was, what I was doing, etc. We'll always have that story to tell, so we have time...it's not like we'll ever really forget this one you know?
  • Thanks for your thoughts Dan. I know how you feel. I never would have brought the subject up if he hadn't seen the statue. I hope I gave him the right answers. Take your time, I feel confident you will find the right time and place to share your experiences with your son.
  • I've struggled to figure out how best to do that too. My son is six and has already had a few memorial services at his school. I wasn't in New York, but I have a story of my own that is simply too complicated to tell him at this point. Someday, maybe in a few years, he'll be able to understand it. I'd like to walk him through my ship and show him exactly what was happening as we heard the news that day. I think that might help him learn. This was a good post to read about it.
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