Kids and Time

Oct 15th, 2008 | By edwelch | Category: Advice

Time

Time

How much time do you spend with your kids?  No, this isn’t a lecture, it’s not meant to be condemning – it’s more of a “note-to-self”.   Because I struggle with the same balance you do – spending time with my children vs. doing work that needs to be done.  I’m busy, you’re busy – we’re all BUSY.

 

Most of you are probably like me – hours of work to be done and yet I hear those special words “Daddy, will you play with me?”  How do you answer that question? 

Kids desperately want you to enter their little world.  Enter it with no strings attached.  They want you to be their “little friend” for a while.  Do you?  Sure, I know it’s hard to play some of those games.  Sometimes I think I would rather be at the dentist than play “dolls” with my daughter.  However, when you look into the eyes of your children – it’s not really about what you play – it’s about understanding how much it means to them for you to be in their world.  If you don’t enjoy playing “dolls” or “whatever” – enjoy the fulfillment of what you’re giving them.  Remind yourself of the real reason you’re playing dolls.   

Also, give them your full attention.  Turn off the cell phone, television, etc. and move away from the computer.  There was a time when I thought kids wanted cool toys and “stuff” from me (and they still do) – however, I’ve learned that no toy is cooler than Dad hanging out in their world.

So, spend time with your kids.  In fact, spend as much time with them as you can possibly justify.  There will come a time – in the not too distant future – when they’re not interested in spending time with you.  They’ll be too busy texting their friends and doing “teenage stuff”.   By then, it might be too late.

Related posts:

  1. 7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child Nature and nurture are in a never ending battle to...
  2. Having “That” Conversation With Your Kids… Sex… is not what this post is about.  No birds...
  3. Five Tips for Phenomenal Photos of Your Kids Let me begin by saying I am not Ansel Adams....
  4. Why Am I More Competitive Than My Kids? Last week, my son and twin daughters each received either...
  5. Worst of the Week: Spring Cleaning Welcome to my (semi) regular Friday feature, Worst of the...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Tags:
  • Jacob
    WOW, that is all I can say about this site. I am a single dad of a 7 month old, and let me tell you, I am scared to death raising my daughter. I am very fortunate that she does have a wonderful mom and her mom and I have a wonderful relationship, and our main priority is to raise this little girl in to a beautiful woman. My friend passed me the link to this site, and I am so addicted to it, you are all wonderful and the information, situations, conversations, is all so wonderful. I have read just about every parenting book out there that I could get my hands on, but this site, it tops anything that I have read. It sucks that I only have limited time with my child, but that time is so precious that I try to absorb as much of it as possible, and feel that may make me closer to my child. I understand that time is precious and you have little of it, so make use of it. Plus, I also loved the blog about getting involved in your child’s activities, I am so excited to be involved in what ever sparks an interest to my little girl, she is first in my life, and everything else comes second. Thank you to all you dads out that that participate in this site, I will be visiting frequently.

    Jacob
  • @ John

    Exactly! A "check in" is what I'm looking for - something to make us think about it. Kids are so important, but often we don't spend time with them because _______ . We all have our "reasons".

    @ Sandie

    Balance is the hardest part for me. After all, we really ARE busy. I believe that deep down - we know where to draw that line.

    @ Xadrian

    That's what I'm talking about and I've done exactly what you wrote. I'm so used to being busy that often I just respond with "busy" without really thinking if spending time with them is more important than what I'm doing.
  • I find myself on the computer a lot saying, "I can't right now I'm busy." Some times I'm full of crap, I'm just surfing or writing, it's stuff that can wait. More and more I hear my parents' voices in my head saying the same thing, so I stop what I'm doing and go play with them or listen to their new story or help with their game or whatever they need daddy for. It ends up being more fun and it doesn't take but a few minutes. I can do all my stuff when they're in bed.
  • Oh man...I struggle with this one every day, and it's my JOB to help other people find ways to spend less time in the kitchen and more time with their kids. I've found it works well to combine activities. I love art. My son loves art. We do art projects together a lot. My husband loves video games. My son loves video games. They play video games together a lot. See a pattern here? ;) Anyhow, that's what works for us. I'd still love to spend more time with him, but it's all about striking that balance, right? :)
  • Definitely a good 'check in' for all of us guys. A big mistake I see a lot of other dads is equating a dollar amount to involvement with kids.

    Time is priceless, whether playing with Legos, sitting down and beating them at a video game (great way to find out if it's really appropriate for their age), or patching a tire on a bike.

    When we spend time with our kids we're investing in their own parenting abilities with the experience to fall back on.
  • I'd say it depends on your definition of "Play" and really, of spending time together.

    In every culture there would have been father's who spent _time_ with their children, and there would have been those who don't, just like today.

    Granted, there are societal changes. Granted, electricity changed everything :). But still, just because our understanding of "Play" is evolving doesn't mean that the base concept that's discussed here (Time, Presence) hasn't always happened.

    Incidentally, some great posts on "play" and "game", here on Corvus' blog, and here on The Brainy Gamer.
  • Hi Scott:

    You bring up some great points. I was speaking with my father-in-law the other day and he didn't really even "know" his day until his dad was an old man in need of care. According to my father-in-law, his dad worked about 80 hours a week and watced baseball on Sunday. They never did anything together, but he was one of 8 kids.

    Without digging into any research - I do have a few ideas:

    * The earlier generations, IMO, didn't have time to even consider playing with children. They worked hard all the time or died. And even then, died at a very young age. Simply no time to play with kids. Having said that, kids were rarely away from family either. Daycare is a new thing too isn't it?

    * Back then, families were very large with a wide range of age. Kids had MANY brothers and sisters to play with. Somtimes, they were looked at as mother/father figures. Now, with one or two child families - kids need time with parents more. Parents are sort of filling in where those other children would have been. My father had sisters he never really knew - they had left home before he was born. Of course, he had oher brothers and sisters of all ages to play with too.

    * Back then, kids were with family. My wife's grandmother picked cotton while pregnant with two kids following. Those kids received a lot of time and attention. Now, it's off to daycare or school.

    * Back then, life was simple - you got a job somewhere local, married someone who lived close - had kids and died. Today, life is much more complex. Families live further apart, we have more choices now than ever, more decisions to make, etc. Now, more than ever - IMHO - kids need a strong bond with parents. Kids who have parents who spend much time with them - I believe - form stronger bonds and have better relationships in the future.

    Just my thoughts,

    Ed
  • Ed - something to consider... We are among the first cultures/generations in history who expect adults to play with children. I think it began with my parent's generation, the Baby Boomers. My grandfathers certainly didn't play with their sons & daughters (maybe a game of catch now and then), and they weren't expected to. Same goes for grandma, and every generation preceding them. This play with your kids thing is a relatively new phenomena in human history. Why do you think that is? Guilt? Insecurity? Are adults today more concerned about being their kids' "pal" than parent?

    That being said... I love playing with my children. Action figures, dolls, tag, boardgames, Nintendo, Monster Play (I am a bad guy or a monster who wrestles with the heroes, my son & daughter) are staples almost every night before or after dinner.

    Just curious if you have any theories about the shift in attitudes regarding play.
  • @elaine:

    Thanks for stopping by Elaine. I appreciate your comment as you seem to speak with much wisdom. Please visit us often and offer more of your insight.

    @Stu:

    Thanks for the kind words and the link to Brad's post. He's thinking much like myself. I look forward to making more contributions in the future and learning from the contributions of others.

    Ed
  • Ed,

    Great stuff! Love your phrasing. " .. how much it means to them for you to be in their world."

    Brad wrote a post, Requesting Your Presence a while back which echoes what you are saying.

    Thanks for stimulating conversation. Makes me think about being better at turning "off" all the distractions and playing with the kids.
  • Dear Ed Welch,
    I am a mother of adult daughters with 9 grandchildren and I think you are great! You get it. The way your children feel about themselves is a reflection of the way their parents feel about them.
    When a child knows that they have the attention of their daddy they can acheive anything! They know that they are loved and protected and that can never be duplicated by anyone else. It will never be forgotten by the child, long after they are adults.
    Thanks for your attention to your blessed children!
  • Hey Eric,

    Thanks for your kind words. You're exactly right and that's why I wanted to write this - for me and everyone else. My oldest child is almost 9 years old. Where did the years go? She'll be a teenager in 4 years! Ouch!
  • Great Post!! Sometimes I think it's easy for us dads to take for granted that our children want to play with us, be with us, spend time with us. We're forgetting just how fast they'll grow up and have "other things" to do than spend time with us!!
blog comments powered by Disqus